Sooner or later, many of us had to leave. Love passed, tomatoes withered, bridges were burned, connections were severed. Some did it loudly, demonstratively and irrevocably, while others said with a smile and hidden cunning: “Let’s remain friends!”
And, of course, girls do this. Guys, even if they utter a fatal phrase, usually try to soften an already harsh blow. But they don't mean anything by it and don't really offer friendship. This is an excuse, a kind of intelligent way of saying: “I don’t love you, but that doesn’t make you bad, you’re still good.”
A man can hardly imagine how he can count on a girl from the position of a friend, rely on her and trust her if he is already disappointed in her - from the position of a partner. She no longer meets his high standards. This means that he will not be able to “pull” the status of friendship, especially since he is already biased towards it.
But for girls it's different. The moment of closeness and intimacy only strengthens the confidence in the female mind that she will have a stronger connection with her ex-boyfriend after the relationship. She believes that once she shared a bed, an apartment, a way of thinking and future plans with a man, she mastered complete mutual understanding with him, which, in her opinion, is so important for two friends.
But this is all theory. In practice, the girl is not interested in agreement and like-mindedness with her ex. She is interested in something completely different, which sometimes does not seem obvious to anyone - even to her.
Here's the thing.
“Let's remain friends,” she says in order to have a back door in her arsenal. By keeping her ex on the bench, communicating with him and keeping a close eye on his life, she gains a certain amount of power over his decisions, choices and beliefs. When a crisis comes in her life, the girl uses her knowledge to ensure that her ex-boyfriend gives her the attention she needs - and not just friendly. She flatters, plays up the drama, but presents everything as a desire to receive ordinary support, and not a strong, familiar shoulder.
healthline.com
Staying with your ex as friends after breaking up risks the fact that the man will remain under the influence of her “charms” for a very long time. He will have to explain his new girlfriends to his “friend”, laugh it off and feel a certain awkwardness during “slippery” conversations - which would not be the case with a real friend. And in moments of weakness (for example, intoxication or depression), this friendship is especially dangerous for both, because someone can accidentally blurt out too much: she is talking about why she needs him in the first place, and he is talking about how difficult it is for him to maintain balance in life. their new relationship.
A girl who breaks up with a guy, feeling unsure of her freedom, will definitely try to keep this man “in reserve.” Not in order to have an affair with him again or count on periodic, meaningless affairs (although this cannot be ruled out either), but in order to hear from familiar lips in moments of doubt, whom she trusts, that she is still wow . It's kind of a weak attempt at self-assertion.
Being in a relationship with a young man, the girl seems to internally prove to herself what she has achieved. She has a wonderful man who loves her, what else is needed for life. But as soon as they part, she loses the trophy. And girls love collecting awards - it’s their hobby - and they don’t like it at all when they are taken away. Because they don't know how to lose. It is important for them to be the last to put an end to it: in a conversation, an argument, a relationship. And they want to decide for themselves when they let their exes go.
But such behavior only emphasizes the fear that a woman experiences before a new life. She feels lost, lonely, unhappy, she probably doesn’t yet have a replacement for her ex, so “let’s remain friends” becomes a kind of transit point: neither love nor friendship, but for now it promotes self-confidence. Unfortunately, this phrase rarely gives birth to something truly useful for both; usually such relationships only destroy the former partners, not allowing them to move on. And as a result, accept the pain, come to terms with it and use it as a valuable experience in the further development of the individual.
Of course, not all offers of friendship truly have double meaning. Sometimes this is a truly sincere desire to keep an important person in your life, and sometimes it is an unconscious reaction that the girl will understand only after a while. But one way or another, “let’s remain friends” is said more often than it should.
A fairly large number of people have heard the phrase “let’s remain friends” at least once in their lives. Such words can be very unsettling and cause a significant blow to self-esteem. Is it worth putting an end to your communication after this or is this just a temporary obstacle, you need to figure it out.
The above may imply several scenarios for the development of your relationship:
- Complete absence of any intimacy.
- The person offers culturally, but is not seen at all.
- The possibility of breaking up, but on good terms.
Reasons there may be such a solution huge amount. Sometimes such words sound like a bolt from the blue. Maybe you were so in love that they just didn't notice existing problems. Now the main thing is to understand what and when it happened that the relationship ceased to be romantic or stopped altogether.
If these words came from a girl
Unfortunate 3 words can be heard at any time throughout the relationship. It is always worth remembering that the fairer sex unusual figurative thinking, which is sometimes completely inexplicable and incomprehensible. In this case, many can use the expression about female logic. Quite often, representatives of the fairer sex think for a long time before making a final decision. So as not to offend you and to avoid causing a wave of negativity, the phrase “let’s remain friends” comes to the rescue.
What should I do to change everything?
To try to renew sympathy you need to carry out a whole operation. The first thing to do is break all contacts with this person for at least six months, in case you were culturally abandoned. This concerns not only personal meetings, but and telephone and correspondence, try not to even answer incoming calls. Get over yourself to achieve the desired effect in the future. There is no complete guarantee that after this time the relationship will resume, the main thing is that you change and do first steps into a new life.
Take care of yourself Perhaps change your style of clothing, communication and increase your social circle. Improve yourself, attend trainings, start playing sports, any changes will only increase the chances of reciprocity. Next time you meet, partner certainly will notice yours reincarnation. When your relationship has smoothly flowed into a friendly direction, disappear for a few weeks and see if the person will seek to meet with you.
If interest in you is renewed, now it's time to dictate your own rules. Make the person regret that he once rejected you, for example, make him jealous. Show that there are a lot of people around who also don’t mind starting a relationship with you and at this moment remind you that you are what these scenes are for. Only don't overdo it so as not to push the person away forever.
Another option
This method is not suitable for inexperienced people; in order for it to work, you need to have willpower. It consists in systematic appearance and disappearance. When you hear the phrase: “Let's remain friends,” agree. Especially, If on the horizon a new candidate has appeared for the role of the second half. It’s just that if you take the previous method, there may be nowhere to go back to, so you can’t lose contact. Here need to include "friend", and without any possible hints of something more. Friendship should not be sluggish, try to spend as much time as possible together, for example, go to exhibitions, find a common hobby. During this time, a strong attraction should arise.
Now we move on to the second stage. When you notice interest to your person: constant calls, invitations to go for walks, it means everything was done correctly. Now I need to leave, and completely disappear for a while. During this time, you can change, for example, change something in your image. You also need to bring your loved one back into your life unexpectedly. Just come visit or call and ask for a walk as if nothing happened. When contact is not broken, you need to immediately try to take the relationship in a new direction, stop playing at friendship. Touch by chance, take your hand, any action that will bring you even closer will do. At such moments, you will definitely feel whether your partner is ready to rise to the next stage of your relationship.
Anyone who has heard these simple and at the same time great words at least once in their life knows that in comparison with them, a blow to the balls, delivered powerfully and efficiently, may seem like an insignificant event in the life of a young neighbor below.
First, let's agree on two things. First: we will replace the phrase “let’s remain friends” with DOD - this is the custom in our environment. Second: we will distinguish between initial and final DOD.
Initial is when you and the girl from the very beginning have developed more of a friendship than any other relationship. And of course, at some point you want to transfer them to the horizontal plane, otherwise why would you read this article, right?
The final one is when another relationship was maintained (or planned) with a girl for some time, but the result was still DOD. However, you somehow don’t want to agree to him or end this relationship, right?
Initial DOD
There is a girl with whom you have, in general, a good relationship. You communicate, meet, chat about this and that... She considers you a close (to one degree or another) person, she is ready to spend some time with you, she knows that she can count on your help, she even from time to time spends time franking with you, sharing her experiences, crying into your vest, but she has no thought about being in the same bed with you. “You’re nice, but I won’t sleep with you” - something like that.
“DOD means that you will still have to do everything that you had to do before, but they will no longer sleep with you.”
Why does this happen? Simply because you behaved wrong from the very beginning. You showed yourself as a friend, not as a man. You were understanding and kind, sweet and nice, you could have fun with you, chat about anything or even be frank about some topic, but you did not evoke sexual desires. You were a good friend, a free psychologist, a sexless vest in which you could always cry. It's not every day you find one like this! In the end, there are most likely a lot of people who want to sleep with this girl, but there are not many people like you who are ready to help her for free, selflessly cover her if necessary, listen to her whims and crybabies. So which category will she put you in?
No, of course, the girl doesn’t want to lose you. She likes to communicate with you, she in some sense appreciates you (if it makes you feel better), and she will even be sorry to part with you. But think about it - are you satisfied with this state of affairs? If “yes,” then close this article and don’t read further. She's not for you.
Final DOD
You dated for a while, and it even seemed to you that everything was great with you. But suddenly the girl announces to you the DOD.
“DOD means you can’t demand sex, but sometimes you will get fucked even when you don’t want it.”
Those. it seems to you that “suddenly”. Because in reality, girls don’t break up just like that. They most often do not have spontaneous decisions (like us), when they suddenly decide and want to stop everything. Usually they endure for a long time, even if something doesn’t suit them, they hope that you yourself will understand - and either improve or leave her. And only when everything has already been decided, when she is completely tired of it all or something better has appeared on the horizon, then she will come to you and say something ordinary and everyday, like: “I don’t think we should continue further.” "
And that's enough for her. She is no longer interested in all your suffering and snot, even if they sympathize with you or cry for show. It is WHEN THEY LEAVE THEM, girls are able to sincerely and reverently say a lot of heartfelt and beautiful words, believe in them, cry, suffer... If they themselves have firmly decided to leave, then they do it easily and without thinking, as if a pebble had gurgled into the water - and he is not there. She said a few words and left.
“DOD means that they will tell you about all the former, current and future ones. But you couldn’t - it’s bad manners.”
Why is this happening? Why is it that DOD is most often announced to us by those who are most dear to us? Of course, the reasons may be different and there are dozens, if not hundreds, of options. But still, the most common answer is contained in the question itself. Read it again.
Yes, the whole point is that you have overestimated the importance of this very individual girl. That you are driven by emotions, not you by them. After all, the people who most often end up in the DOD are those who really dote on a girl, who are shaking over her and are afraid of losing her, who surround her with so much attention and care that she already loses interest in them.
On the other hand, if she doesn’t want to part with you at all, it means she still needs you for something. Perhaps she is not yet sure what awaits her on the side, and therefore is keeping you in reserve. Perhaps she likes to communicate with you as a person and receive some resources from you, and she wants to maintain this, even after ceasing to be your girlfriend. Or perhaps she just doesn’t want to upset you with a complete and final break in your relationship, and that’s why she offers you friendship (knowing well that there won’t really be any friendship).
Techniques for exiting DOD
Some of them are described in detail in the cookbook or in the book “200% Effective Seduction.” But it’s advisable to know them BEFORE the DOD is announced to you. I will describe one such method here:
“DOD - and you will always drive, pick up, help, cover, help out, come at the first call. It’s unclear why and what I’m hoping for.”
A long but very effective option. Based on the “Closer-Farther” technique. It is not recommended for pioneers and other inexperienced people.
After the girl has told you DOD, try to agree to a friendly relationship, but there is only one very important point - you need to make it clear that you REALLY want such a relationship (if you are not capable of this, it is better to break up immediately). After this, any of your invitations and outings will be perceived only from the point of view of friendship, which will only benefit you at this stage. We will continue to be friends, but active friends.
It will be very beneficial to share with her any interests or hobbies that her current boyfriend, if he exists, cannot share. This interest can be anything: studying, walking around the city, repairing her car, upgrading her computer, walking the dogs together, going to the gym (clubs, parties).
Just under no circumstances should you spend a lot of money on her so that she does not give you the role of a reliable sponsor that she so covets. It’s better to let her know that you have money, and you would be very happy to waste it for the sake of your girlfriend. The reception is very strong, it is very bitter to realize that all women are corrupt, albeit in the best sense of the word.
“DOD - and maybe they’ll treat you kindly when it’s unbearably boring. And they will call when no one else is at hand. And you will come! You’re a friend and everything happened between you, you understand everything.”
It is very advisable to give her compliments when meeting, but without any hint of eroticism. The most important strategic task for you now is to get CLOSER on her part. As soon as you feel feedback, friendly sympathy in your direction, this stage can be completed. The most eloquent sign of this will be the invitations and calls that the girl will make on her own initiative. You must remember that your friendly communication should be vibrant, and the girl should be comfortable and fun with you. Imagine going on dates the same way, only with a minimum of physical contact and without any hint of “pink snot.” The more pleasant your company is to the girl, the faster the necessary affection will arise.
It is not advisable to stretch this stage too long; usually a month is enough; further progress in this state can lead to you becoming an open book for your “friend.” There is nothing worse than being predictable and understandable for a girl - there should always be intrigue.
And finally, the girl calls you, invites you somewhere, maybe even kisses you on the cheek when saying goodbye, in general, you observe her CLOSER in relation to you. So it's time to leave. You completely disappear from her horizons, disappear for a week or a week and a half, she should not see you, hear you, or know about what is happening to you. At the same time, the optimal moment for leaving will be the time when she has no special plans, that is, she is not going anywhere, there is no active rest, so memories of a good friend will come much more often and she will miss you, because she is attached to you.
“DOD - and you are on a par with her favorite ficus, cat or teddy bear”
And at the most crucial moment you put yourself in order and come out of the shadows. The best option would be to be at her door with a flower in her teeth (in her hands), grab her hand and run to blow the roof off. When appearing, under no circumstances should you apologize for your long absence, except to quickly let it slip as something not particularly significant, and then immediately hush up the conversation. You are leading her to pleasure, your time should be very pleasant, your goal is to take her into space, and the closer she is to space, the better.
At the same time, an unobtrusive increase in physical contact plays into your hands. The girl’s feelings overlap each other. Boredom BEFORE you and your sudden appearance, blowing the roof away, a pleasant pastime plus constant, developing, but careful touches (who doesn’t like them?) bring her into a very resourceful state, which you should use. The final break in the pattern should be a kiss, which simply must take place when it becomes clear that she is ready for this. Most often, the girl doesn’t even have time to figure out what’s happening before she ends up in your bed.
“DOD – and you’ll be lucky if you never see who you were traded for. But you'll see. After all, you are friends"
I repeat once again - this method is intended only for experienced people with a cool head and sober calculations. For pioneers with a strong emotional attachment, a girl will not bring anything good except extra snot. I would advise them, first of all, to disappear from the girl’s field of vision (required!), turn on complete ignore, then actively take care of themselves, raising their level and, having recovered from emotional dependence, having upgraded enough, you can try to return and start all over again from scratch. If you are sure that you have enough strength.
If you are afraid of losing her, if you continue to dream about her and shake your snot on your fist at the memories of your “relationship” (which, perhaps, did not exist, and only you considered them such), if you are even ready to agree to DOD, just to be with her, then you’re either a wimp or you simply DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WAITING FOR YOU.
Features of female psychology. Emotions. How to evoke them in a girl and why it is EXTREMELY important in seduction. How girls test guys. Why do many guys get dumped at the inspection stage? Types of checks. Proper communication during inspections. You will learn all this on our
A guy and a girl are alone in an apartment, the guy pesters the girl, she resists and says:
- Let's just remain friends.
- Okay, then let's go to the stall for vodka and pick up some girls for the evening.
Have you ever met girls who say - “Let's Stay Friends (DOD)”? ...Yes? Is it true? Personally, no one has ever told me. Why? Yes, because they DO NOT SAY THIS!!! They show this by their behavior. And I, as a not stupid person, am trying to get ahead of this “terrible phrase” of theirs.
I didn’t go far and decided to ask the girls themselves what DOD is and what do they eat it with?
What is DOD?
* DOD is a state when you don’t see a sexual partner in a person close to you “usually this means that you’re a good guy, but I won’t sleep with you, if you pronounce it exactly like that, this phrase (Julia, 24 years old).”
* This is the feeling that the person next to you is a sexless being, created for a shared, intimate pastime “if this is said after a relationship, it means people just want to separate peacefully, but, naturally, understanding that there will be no friendship as such (Yulia, 18 years old).”
* DOD is when, instead of kissing when they meet, they turn their cheek, they refuse an invitation to the cinema, because the second cousin of my mother’s grandmother’s cousin broke his leg and lies in the crematorium, but when they need to cry, they immediately run to blow their nose in your vest...
* “well, it’s just... I think... that a friend... is, so to speak, the first person to whom I can come with my problem, misfortune... and this will not mean “cry”.... for me this will mean speaking out and listening to smart advice (Zhenya, 16 years old)"
In general, DOD is when they hint to you in a mild form - “Boy, wouldn’t you go to the farm to catch butterflies”? And don’t let the mild form of this technique fool you into sending you away. In most cases, they are not worried about your mental state, but about their own well-being - roughly speaking, they do not want to create problems with you in the form of showdowns and showdowns. Or they think that, as a friend, they can get more from you and give you less. Like - “Be a friend - wash my socks.” ...
Where and why does DOD come from?
Why? Yes, because your dreams didn’t come true, that you’re cool, but you’re not a prince and that’s it. “Well, when interest in a person disappears, but there is no visible reason for separation, the following phrase is usually said (Yulia, 18 years old).” It’s nice to talk to you and meet, but... You don’t meet any selection criteria. Every woman dreams of finding a man who is confident in himself so that he can feel “like behind a stone wall.” She wants to find a partner who will satisfy her not only physically, but also spiritually. Who will not pay attention to other girls, who will love her children (when they appear), who will be the master of the situation. And if he doesn’t pass, according to some criteria, but you like him as a person, then treat him as a friend.
“why... how the hell do I know... maybe because something didn’t suit you... or maybe you get tired of a person, as if you were your passion, but at the same time you don’t want to lose him completely... because a good person... (Zhenya, 16 years old)."
Let's analyze what Zhenya said. Despite such a young age, she already understands that some guys should not be sent away, even if there is no desire to keep them closer. In general, you are a good person, or rather a smart one. And it’s better to keep burdock at a distance. On the one hand, you don’t owe him anything, but on the other, he’s always at hand, just whistle.
What is really hidden under the words "Let's remain friends."
“It’s hidden... you don’t excite me, but I don’t want to lose you... we’ll play “closer and further” until we get tired of it (Svetlana, 27 years old).” What can I say? At least honestly. Respect to Svetlana.
Needless to say, there are many examples of why a girl does not allow a boy near her body, but at the same time keeps him with her “if a guy offers to move on to a closer relationship, but you don’t want to, then that’s what I usually tell him, or we remain friends or not at all. (Yulia, 24 years old)." And here the question arises: is friendship between a guy and a girl even possible? It’s possible, I’ll say, and I’ll get better a little - possible, until the first sperm toxicosis. Well, who can blame a girl for not kissing you on the first date? Who can blame her for not allowing her to hold her boobs during the second one? Who will say anything against the fact that she didn’t give on the third date? “I met a guy, but he is neither fish nor fowl, I already took the initiative into my own hands (I liked the boy) but he is not breakable (Alexandra, 25 years old)”
I will reproach, I will say against, because... it's unnatural. No, I’m not saying that on the third she is obligated to give (maybe she’s on her period), but she shouldn’t feel that you, dear friend, are a vest for snot. You are a man! Show her right away that you are a man, and not an errand boy... Just don’t overdo it, there’s no need for pompousness either, just show her what you really want. There is no need to shout at every corner that you coveted that woman with huge tits, just go up to her and say: - Good afternoon girl, you have such luxurious breasts that you want to touch them, and touch them! “You’re so funny =)) (Ksenia 21 years old)” Stop... Take two... I said touch her, don’t grab her. Where am I leading with this? Yes, besides, you need to overcome the feeling of “respect” for the girl. There is you, there is her, you both want sex, why come up with a dildo when you can come up with a bunch of ways to get her into bed. Every girl has it ingrained in the depths of her brain that she must give herself. This is an indisputable fact: “When meeting a guy, I look at whether he can give me pleasure (satisfy - my note) or not (Oksana, 29 years old).” Sometimes you look into her eyes and see the inscription: “Don’t fuck with friends.” But everything could have been different. After all, he could have answered differently, otherwise, he could have touched once instead of a hundred words spoken, he could have kissed him goodbye on the lips, and not pecked him on the cheek... He could have forgotten about SMS and called... He could have, but he didn’t...
Way out of the situation with the code name "DOD"
Okay, I got distracted. So here it is. You've been dating a girl for, well, let's say, a year. During this time, you only had hugs at dances, rare stolen kisses, walks holding the hand, and throwing pebbles into the lake. what to do? I want to fuck! This is what you are reading now. There are many methods for getting out of a DOD situation. But any of them requires some effort from you. What do you need to do? You need to make the girl become attracted to you, and to do this, you need to show her how awesome you are. No, don’t run to her, run not to her, but to other young ladies. Seduce them. Show yours that you are just a super man. Show up where she happens to be with different women, show tenderness and affection to her friends, and hammer a big, thick wedge on her... for a while... no, don’t disappear, just don’t show much interest in her. Let's say you are holding hands in the park, she meets a friend, and YOU start flirting with her friend in front of her eyes. But just flirt, be careful not to go too far.
When you see that your beloved is already beginning to tear out her hair from jealousy, then the time for decisive action comes. Ready? Did you wrap the snot off your fist and throw it in the trash? Fucked 10 women? Is everyone ready for work and defense? Then read on. You disappear from her visibility zone for a week, it’s no longer worth it - you’ll lose interest, but less is not advisable either - you’ll get bored and won’t have time. A week later you CALL her and invite her on a DATE, not to the cinema, not for a walk. Immediately confront her with the fact. Today we have a date with all the ensuing (as long as it’s not dripping =)) consequences (straight to the point! approx. Head of Editor. HoLoD). Don’t break down, don’t reinvent the wheel, just say: “dear, I want to invite you on a date, we’ll meet there and there at such and such a time.” When you meet, you simply have to kiss her on the lips. If he doesn’t want to, you can say something like “you still don’t understand anything,” and then turn around and leave. Must surrender! If she doesn’t care, then send her to the garden with peace of mind, she’s not for you. And in general. THE MAIN MAIN thing is not to be afraid of losing one girl, if you dig deeper, there are more of them in the world than men, you can always find yourself better, smarter, more beautiful, more relaxed. Kissed? BABY! the first step has been taken. The main thing is not to slow down further.
Before your date, have you mapped out the places YOU will go? So take her there. Where there is soft music, a romantic mood, wonderful champagne and a soft bed... Oops, what am I talking about? It's too early to go home. Anywhere, as long as she found it interesting. Don't let her get bored for a second. There must be constant kinesthetics on your part: he held your hand, slapped you on the butt, laughed and touched your shoulder with your forehead, kissed your hair, took your hand and pulled you somewhere like, “Look! Our reflection in the store window, you and I look great.” ". Wherever you go, try to see how she reacted to your touch. Didn't like it? Fix it. Did you like it? Repeat a little later. And so the whole date. If you can’t throw a big blowout, throw a bunch of small ones. The girl should see you from a different angle. You are no longer a boy, you are an interesting person! “And how come I didn’t immediately notice so many charms in him!” When you bring her home in the evening, I am sure that she will let you hug her waist... well... did you want to ruin everything? Stand not at the pioneer distance, but much closer. Hug her so that she clings to you with her whole body. You can whisper in her ear in this position, or you can kiss her right away. No, not peck into the lips, but suck it in. Resists? Ignore. Press on the fact that you deserved a kiss, she had a great time, so why spoil the day with some kind of conventions...
How to correctly offer DOD yourself
“to say that you adore him (her) as a person, but you don’t want anything more, so DOOOOOOOOOOO (Yulia, 18 years old)”
“What’s the right way? I think there is no special algorithm here, you can’t prepare words in advance. For example, I always improvise, I act depending on my mood and situation (Yulia, 24 years old)”
“dear boy, I appreciate you very much, but let’s leave our relationship at the current level (Svetlana, 27 years old)”
“I’ll just say - you don’t want me, so I’ll find myself another male, call me and we’ll go to the cinema at our leisure (Oksana, 29 years old)”
“I’ve never suggested it and I hope I won’t have to (Ksenia, 21 years old)”
Well, brother in arms. Shall we end on this sad note? But no. We will say in unison “what the hell is needed” and behave with dignity. After all, no one will blame us for regaining what may rightfully belong to us. What has floated away from us is only due to our stupidity and inexperience. The woman who might be your ideal partner. The one that makes life seem like a fairy tale!
Good luck to you in your difficult endeavor!
The phrase from your beloved girl becomes completely unpleasant: “Let’s remain friends.” This can happen either after a long relationship with her or even before it begins. At any moment, the girl can decide to break up, which will be a bolt from the blue for the guy. How to return your beloved girl who no longer wants to be with you?
This question remains relevant, since separations are common these days. You meet a girl, you love her, you cherish her, and she suddenly says that she wants to remain friends. It happens that a girl accepts advances for a long time, even allows him to approach her, and then says that she is breaking up.
Looking back at past relationships, it is difficult to find the reasons why a girl says the phrase: “Let's remain friends.” It’s stupid for a girl to say such a phrase to a guy who is clearly not in the mood for a friendly relationship with her. It’s even stupider for the guy to immediately succumb to emotions and pretend that he can easily live without a girl.
If you want to return the girl, despite the hurtful words, then we will consider this topic in more detail on the website.
What not to do if a girl says: “Let’s remain friends”?
After the relationship breaks up and the girl says: “Let’s remain friends,” internal anger and indignation arises. How can you remain friends after what happened between you? If you haven’t cooled off your feelings in the same way as your ex-lover, then you are probably wondering what needs to be done to get her back. Now we will discuss the topic of what not to do when a girl leaves you. After all, the most important mistake can be made not in returning, but in reacting to the breakup.
The most common behaviors of guys are:
- Completely ignored. The guy pretends that he is also satisfied with the breakup.
- Chasing a girl, gifts and compliments. If a girl pushes a guy away, then the guy’s behavior when he’s intensely courting her will be too much.
These are two extremes that will not lead to good. Let's take a closer look at all the mistakes that should be avoided after breaking up with a girl:
- Give gifts, compliments, apologize. This is called humiliation when a girl blows a guy off, and he continues to look after her like a faithful little dog. The girl will be annoyed by the behavior of a guy who does not respect himself and is ready to crawl on his knees in front of her, if only she would return to him.
- Constantly calling and texting her. Exes cannot be in constant contact if they are not in an ongoing relationship. The girl left you and left. It's time to stop calling her and writing messages, especially of a love nature. This is another way of humiliation that will only alienate the girl from you.
- Cry in front of her. This can happen both in the literal sense of the word and in the indirect sense. If a guy shows himself as unhappy and needy, it only infuriates him. The situation is even more annoying when the guy starts threatening: “If you don’t come back to me, I’ll kill myself.” The girl can either laugh in his face, or feel sorry for the guy and return to him, but not for long and not seriously. In any case, the relationship will fall apart even faster, and the girl will finally be impossible to return after this.
- Confess your love. The girl who left the guy does not need his declarations of love in any form. This will irritate her even more and distance her from the guy. She can maintain contacts, but not give in to words of love.
Considering the mistakes of guys, we can note another most common one, which modern young ladies in their right mind and judgment will not fall for. Let's talk about it further.
How to get your girlfriend back: don't say that everything will change
Psychologists say that it is necessary to reconsider your behavior if you want to return your beloved girl who left her boyfriend. However, it would be a mistake when a guy, having just heard about his bad behavior, without thinking about it, starts throwing promises: “Excuse me. This won't happen again. I promise you." Don't say everything will change. Why?
If you promise emotionally, without serious intentions to change anything in the relationship, you will get together with your beloved for a short time, but she will quickly leave you as soon as she notices that you deceived her. If you promised, you should definitely change it! If you don't change anything, then the girl will leave you and next time she won't listen at all.
You can promise again that you will do anything to change your bad behavior. But now the girl will not believe your words, and she will do the right thing: you promise without having conscious and serious intentions and desires to do so. Your goal is to win back the girl, to win, and not to really improve your relationship.
No matter how much you promise, the girl will not believe you, because she already has real experience of not keeping her word. It's the same as if a girl promised you to lose weight if you married her. What is the connection between marriage and losing weight is illogical and unclear. Just as you wouldn’t believe that a girl will really lose weight after marriage, she won’t believe you that your relationship will improve if she returns to you.
Young people, more mature men and women are also not far behind them, are known for the fleeting nature of love. Today they love, but tomorrow they no longer feel this feeling. But it happens that partners dated for a long time, and then broke up for some reason. After this, one of them decides to return their ex-lover or sweetheart, but does not know how to do it.
How to get your love back? First, you should understand that if you were loved before, but then fell out of love, it means that some circumstances contributed to this. There is love in your partner, but it constantly goes out for some reason. This means that you just need to make sure that love for you flares up again.
Secondly, you should understand the reasons that extinguish your partner’s love. These were the reasons for your separation. For what reasons did you break up? What made your partner leave you? Identify and start eliminating them.
Don't make one of the mistakes people make when trying to get back into a relationship: they run after their loved ones, but don't work on what caused them to break up. But former partners watch to see whether people change. And if they don’t change, then they don’t see the point in restarting the relationship.
Your task is not just to return your loved one, but also to show him that you have become different: what was previously a problem is no longer there, you have changed. You need to work through all those problem areas that you constantly quarreled with your loved one about, and change them. Your ex-partner must see that by renewing her relationship with you, she will not again encounter what previously irritated you or led to conflicts. Therefore, change yourself and, as if by chance, show your new qualities to your former partner. You should not talk about them, but demonstrate them in appropriate situations. And when your ex sees your changes, she herself will want to return to you.
Renew feelings in your loved ones by eliminating your mistakes and the causes of your quarrels. Make your ex-lovers want to return to you themselves, and not because you were persistent. In the first case, they will stay with you for a long time because they themselves have expressed a desire to be close. And in the second case, happiness will not last long - until your first quarrel.
You should consider tips on how to get your girlfriend back in order to be able to renew your relationship with her:
- Agree with her proposal. She says: "Let's remain friends." And you agree! This will be a shock to her, whereas she expected you to disagree and start running after her. In such a situation, when you break up, she will be interested in what you are doing, who is next to you now, what distracts you from thinking about the fact that she broke up with you.
- Don't call her first, wait for her to call you. And in most cases, the girl who left the guy herself soon dials him on the phone to find out about his affairs. Here you can already control the situation. For example, you can say “I’m busy, let’s call you later.” There is no need to talk about past relationships or feelings. Chat on neutral topics, such as: how are you, what are you doing, what’s new, etc.
Try not to tell her everything, it’s better not to finish. Let her understand that she is not getting answers to her questions. At the same time, don’t communicate with her for too long. As soon as pauses in the conversation begin, you should end the conversation. It is better to do this on your own initiative.
- Start dating another beauty. She must be really beautiful or at least interesting to you. It's even better if your ex finds out that you've started a new relationship. Not only did she initiate the breakup, because of which she lost a smart and interesting guy, but he also doesn’t cry for her, but is passionate about something and even found himself another girl.
Often girls break up to be chased. Calm your ex's ardor by giving her what she herself was trying to achieve - loneliness away from you.
- Go to a party where she and your mutual friends will be. It's good if the girl is forced to see you in reality. It’s good if by this time you change yourself in the sense where she was dissatisfied with you. At the same time, do not try to run up to her and immediately tell her that you have changed. She herself must see that you have become different - the way she wanted you to be.
Chat with everyone at the party. Give your ex-girlfriend the same amount of attention as you give your other friends. Communicate with her friends, and with your friends, and with her. At the same time, behave like an acquaintance who does not think about her at all and does not miss her.
You can add some “pepper” by bringing your new passion to the party. Look after her and be such a gentleman that your ex-girlfriend will simply be stunned and jealous. She needs to see what she's lost, especially when some other girl gets "all the good stuff."
Bottom line
Girls are emotional creatures. Today they want to remain friends with the guys, and tomorrow they already regret their decision. This effect is achieved when guys don’t run after those who abandoned them, but also continue to live, meet new girls and even become better people. The result of all the events is the desire to return the old relationship to the one who destroyed it.
Let's not forget about the mistakes that many guys make. If you do them, then you can forget that your ex will return, because with every unsuccessful meeting she will understand that she definitely does not need a wimp and a crybaby.
