What to do if you have mutual feelings with a woman from another city?
Question:
I met a woman online, we corresponded, called on Skype, in general we like each other and our life positions are similar. We already feel some kind of feeling, if not love, then infatuation. This is noticeable both in the messages and in the atmosphere. What should we do? The distance is confusing, we are in different cities. Volgograd and Astrakhan.
Answer from Alexander Biryukov:
The question is not just common in our network age, but one of the most pressing. I get asked this question almost every week.
Distance is the weakest factor, which should not confuse anyone at all in our time. I would also understand if you were in different countries on different parts of the world. Or at least you are in a taiga village 100 km from Yakutia, and she is on a farm in the Kaliningrad region. But there is a train between Astrakhan and Volgograd! 10 o'clock - and you're together!
What to do? The scheme is like this. I didn’t come up with it, but I put it together from rational pieces and thought through the steps. I warn you that this general scheme. And each case requires adjustment in one direction or another. But the scheme works.
After you have received primary and even in-depth information in your case through correspondence and conversations on Skype, you need to meet in real life. The matter is made easier by the fact that you already know each other relatively well and are accustomed to each other. You are already experiencing mutual warm feelings. This means that you will no longer be strangers to each other; immediately after the meeting you will feel comfortable together.
Before all this, it is better to try to make inquiries about the woman. It is not necessary to delve into some intimate details of life. The main thing is that she is not a slut/prostitute, an alcoholic, a drug addict, mentally ill, has a criminal record, and that all this does not happen to her closest relatives. Everything else will be visible in real life from her behavior.
It’s better not to delay the meeting in real life. Once you both understand that you care about each other, already plan a meeting. Let's say in a couple of weeks. Until the time comes, acquaintance will deepen and feelings will strengthen. You will meet almost like family.
The real meeting should be relatively long. Not one night, but at least three or four days, more if possible. For what? See a person, his behavior. In all aspects: the ability to create comfort in a couple, the ability to do household chores, sexual compatibility and much more. You look at how well a woman's behavior matches what she wrote and said online.
Where and how to invite? Here you decide for yourself. If one of you lives alone, then the second one can come to him. If both live with relatives, then you can rent at least a small apartment somewhere on the outskirts of the city. It won’t cost that much, but it will be your first (and perhaps not your last) home together. Spending is by agreement. If you both work, you can divide it in half. Or the visitor pays for the tickets, and the local pays for the accommodation.
When to do this? If people of liberal professions or generally have the freedom to do so, then whenever they want. If someone (or both) works on a strict schedule, then there are holidays: New Year's, February 23, March 8, there will be long holidays soon May holidays. In the summer - vacation. You can take time off and add it to the weekend. In general, a solution can always be found.
You met and everything went well. You are happy with each other. What's next? It is better to repeat such a meeting again after a short period of time. Now you can go to another city and meet your parents. You can do this a couple more times if in doubt. But don't delay. Any delays in the relationship blur the matter.
Between trips you actively communicate on Skype. These are the same dates, the same communication and getting used to each other, like walking in the park.
When the trips are over, the main thing is not to be stupid, but to take the bull by the horns. Move in together. Reader, you are a man, and therefore you take upon yourself to make decisions. You are thinking about where you will live. If there is a free apartment, go there. If your parents have an apartment, they rent it out and live on this money (+ pension) - rent from your parents for the same amount. And your parents won’t be offended, and it’s better for you than to wipe other people’s corners from other people’s owners. If this is not the case, then simply rent a small, inexpensive apartment and live there.
Having thought through all this, you tell the woman that she is moving in with you. Now is the time to stop shaking your ears. If she says she can't, find out why. If she is a top manager or a deputy, then moving is, of course, difficult. Not everyone will leave such a trump position. If she’s a teacher or a hairdresser, then don’t let her talk bullshit. You can get a job as a teacher and hairdresser anywhere, it’s not such a unique profession or position. Study - transfer to a similar university in your city. My students, even at the most bureaucratically complex medical university, married military men and were easily transferred to other universities. If you're studying part-time, there's nothing to talk about at all. The transfer is done even during the semester in a few days. And so that she is less driven, you will help her on the spot to transfer and find a job. you are a native, you have an advantage. Use it for your woman.
If she is a freelancer and works remotely, then there is nothing to talk about at all.
Missing mom and dad is not a problem. That's what Skype is for. The main thing is that she is not psychologically dependent on them, and that the father-in-law and mother-in-law do not try to control you personally through this Skype. Your family should live independently. And the leader in her is you, not her parents. In your family, from now on, the law is your word. She must understand and accept this.
If a woman loves you, she will only be glad that you showed persistence and determination in your actions. I brainstormed a lot of problems and found a solution. He didn’t mumble or smear the snot with his fist, but just took it and did it.
Just don't act like insecure men. There is no need to dump a bunch of these questions and doubts on her head. Where to live, how to live, etc. There is no need to discuss all this with her for a long time and tediously. I thought about all the options, found the best one, and confronted him with a fait accompli. As a last resort - a choice from a pair of alternatives. You are a man, and you still make the decision. So why bother with the topic? Be firm and don't be afraid to make decisions.
So all the paddocks are a waste of time. Distance, different cities - such a minor problem in our mobile age that it’s even embarrassing to talk about it. Everything that I described is very easy to implement if you take it upon yourself. The main thing is not to slow down, to be decisive and firm.
It's really simple. Trust me.
Of course, this is a general scheme, and some special cases will need adjustment.
Answers to additional questions that arise from readers.
1. It makes sense to maintain long-distance love only if you have real and serious intentions towards a woman. They are determined after relatively long communication by correspondence and after mandatory repeated communication on Skype .
I repeat once again that communication on Skype is the same as a regular date without sex. Like a walk in the park. Both interlocutors see each other, can evaluate appearance, voice, manners and everything else that everyone needs. Even the sincerity of words can be verified when you see the interlocutor. The fake is easy to read. In addition, now webcams have good resolution, and you see a person as if he were sitting opposite him at the table. So, correspondence and especially Skype will give you the opportunity to get to know each other as if you had already been dating for some time. It is possible and NEEDED to clarify all aspects regarding your and her mood for the future. Attitude to family model, marriage, children, budget, family hierarchy etc. So that you meet without any misunderstandings, practically as family.
As you can understand, there is no point in starting all this just for the sake of sex. At least in my opinion. Long-distance love is long-lasting and much more labor-intensive than finding a date in your city. Long-distance love is worth starting only if there is a real soul mate on the other end. At the very least, I would never bother with all this for the sake of a one-time adventure. Write, call, share your views, somehow rub in - and all for the sake of sex alone, and even then short-term, for a couple of days? It's just not worth it. Besides, there is so much sex now that finding it is not difficult. Right in your city.
“I could make a whole book out of the promises men made to me in bed,” said Barbra Streisand. We must admit that there really is a category of men who generously make promises, and not limited to the confines of the bedroom: “I’ll call you/Of course, we’ll get married!/Yes, I’ll buy you a fur coat/I’ll definitely come for dinner/I’ll hang this picture today.” . Hit of all times: “I promise this won’t happen again.” Why men don’t keep their word and is it worth waiting three years for what they promised?
We begin to believe in the promises given to us from childhood - when dad promises to New Year a most beautiful doll, and Santa Claus guarantees that he will definitely appear again next year. When Santa Claus does not come, and instead of a doll there is a tiny doll sitting under the tree, disappointment sets in. It is noteworthy that there is no analogue of the phrase “a man said, a man did” regarding a woman. Experts explain the specific attitude towards the word given by a man by sociocultural norms. “A man is a structuring principle; he builds the structure of the world. And structure is something you can rely on,” philosophizes psychologist Alena Sagadeeva. “These are traditional social and gender roles, according to which boys and girls are raised,” adds Igor Pozhidaev, a psychotherapist at the Sibneuromed center. “People are expected to live up to the ideas that have been instilled in them.”
But some, apparently, were still indoctrinated into something else. Conventionally, men who make empty promises can be divided into three categories.
Liar, liar. This is a real liar, manipulator and cunning. He knows what he wants and achieves it in every possible way, including making promises that are expected of him and which he will never fulfill.
. Aspiring. The second category is men who do it unconsciously. “Such men want to look better than they are. They are striving, but not moving,” says Alena Sagadeeva. They make promises not because they want to deceive - they just want it to be so in reality, so they themselves begin to sincerely believe in it, infecting their interlocutors with their faith. If such a man is caught in a discrepancy between words and deeds, he will very sadly throw up his hands, ask for forgiveness and promise that this time he will try to do everything right.
. Offended. The most amazing character. It differs from the previous one in its excessive touchiness and demonstrative abdication of responsibility. “Why aren’t you looking for a job? “You promised,” they asked him for the fifth time. And he explodes with righteous anger, managing to give a dozen arguments in favor of the fact that he has nothing to do with it and is generally deeply offended by the very formulation of the question.
Between word and deed
If you delve into male head, most often the reasons for such irresponsibility are associated with an attempt to escape - fear of punishment, the desire to avoid a scandal or to reassure someone who is happy to be deceived.
“The most important thing is that inside this person there is a certain conflict between what he really wants and what those around him, to whom he makes these promises, expect from him,”
says Alena Sagadeeva. He may know that he wants something different, or he may sincerely believe that he wants the same thing as them, although in fact this is not the case. Ultimately, in order not to create excessive tension in the relationship, he promises what he actually does not want. What does he really want then? According to Mrs. Sagadeeva, unlike a woman who wants stability, a man, first of all, seeks freedom. How he will react to the restriction in the most basic need depends on his upbringing and fortitude, but a reaction in one form or another will follow immediately. Empty promises are one of them.
The second need that must be satisfied (here, regardless of gender) is the need for love, acceptance and respect.
In response to his promise, the man receives certain bonuses - the fur coat has not yet been bought, the nail has not yet been driven in - and the woman is already smiling, already grateful in advance and inspiring further verbal exploits.
Besides, show me a woman who doesn’t want to hear that everything will be fine and all wishes will come true? Even if it’s hard to believe, even if all previous experience says otherwise, you still really want to.
What to do?
It’s hard to resist the question “Why didn’t you warn me again?”, it’s hard to resist irony in response to yet another promise from a person who doesn’t keep his word. The only thing you can do in this situation is to try to voice again what you feel - in some cases the quantity factor works. And the main thing is to understand for yourself what you personally do in order to get the attitude you receive. This will probably outrage many women, but it happens that they themselves regularly insist, push through their desires, not giving a man the opportunity to express himself the way he wants.
By analyzing which column of advantages you made a mistake in, you can find the treasured key that will lift the veil of secrecy and put everything in its place.
“As a rule, the problem is a mismatch of values - one thing is valuable for a man, but something else is valuable for a woman, these are different things and they do not intersect.
On the other hand, if a man regularly makes promises but does not keep them, it means that this is the wrong man - this is especially difficult to believe,” says Alena Sagadeeva. According to experts, changing the current behavior pattern is possible, but difficult. “This requires quite a lot of effort,” says Igor Pozhidaev. “And here you need to correctly assess the situation, understand whether to fight for your happiness or just find it in the form in which it already exists.”
If you don’t want to end the relationship, you should again ask yourself the question - what will happen if he never fulfills what he promises? Would you want to be with him in this case? If not, then you should stop entertaining yourself with illusions. And if so, then to hell with her, with a fur coat and an undriven nail.
Valeria Belenkaya
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“False promises are more annoying than outright refusals,” French lexicographer Pierre Boist once said. Each of us has friends and acquaintances who systematically let others down and do not fulfill their promises. Or maybe you have noticed this behavior in yourself. Optionalism often becomes a character trait, but there are different reasons for it. Therefore, first of all, it is worth finding the source of the problem, and only then looking for a solution.
We are in website We examined some cases of optionality in order to understand where it came from and what to do if someone’s promises are not worth a penny.
1. Out of friendship
The first thing to do if there is someone next to you who feeds you promises instead of dessert is to talk. Banal, but effective advice. It is possible that what for you is unfulfilled promises and disrespect for yourself, for another person is a manifestation of understanding and depth of friendship. This needs to be invented and explained to someone else, but you can be refused at the last moment - you are “your people, you will understand everything.” In this case, it is worth discussing your ideas about trust and commitment and taking steps towards it. You should not take everything to heart, and your friend should take your feelings into account.
In addition, the conversation will help you understand the reasons for unnecessary behavior. After all, if someone just needs help and support, then it’s high time to put the other person in his place.
2. Inability to say “no”
One of the most common reasons for broken promises is a simple inability to say “no.” Many were brought up with the idea that people need to be helped, so a person strives to promise everyone his time, care and help. And then it turns out that there are more promises than there are hours in the day and strength inside. If you encounter such a person, let him understand that any of your requests can be immediately and honestly rejected; this is much better than, out of politeness, promising something that you cannot fulfill.
3. Laziness
Also, laziness often tells us to forget about what was promised. There seemed to be so much enthusiasm when he agreed, but when the time came, the small task turned into such a huge problem in the eyes of the one who promised that the mere thought of fulfilling his word was stressful. In this case, you shouldn’t ask the person for anything else - it’s unlikely that next time he won’t suddenly want to sleep an extra hour or watch a movie instead of, for example, picking you up from the plane. Laziness in such people is not a periodic weakness, but a lifestyle.
4. Desire to please
Another type of people who constantly make promises but don't keep them are those who just want to look better in your eyes. Such people usually have no intention of keeping their word - they are simply throwing dust in their eyes to gain your favor. They have already prepared an ingenious excuse, which not only is impossible to dig into, but after it you even want to help the sudden “sufferer”. In extreme cases, such people go on an aggressive offensive - they talk about how no one owes anyone anything and twist the situation so that you are still to blame. The advice here is the same - don’t expect anything more, but the main thing is not to feel bad about moving away from “this good man" Remember, he didn’t “do so much for you,” but “promised you so much in vain.”
The eternal question of women who seek advice from a psychologist, astrologer, or fortune teller is how will their relationship with this man develop? With which, as a rule, there are so many problems that it is already difficult to cope without a specialist. As a rule, people seek help when the case is already advanced. Because it's too late, I'm in trouble. It is much easier to recognize a potential problem in advance. And if this has already happened, you need to reconsider your attitude towards the situation, towards yourself and towards the tormenting man as soon as possible. And then the external situation will change - either the man causing suffering will disappear on his own, or he will change (but this happens extremely rarely, unfortunately, rather as an exception to the rule). And this will open the way to a bright streak in a woman’s life, to a new relationship, this time harmonious.
First of all, I would like to note that every woman needs to treat herself with love and respect. Without self-love, it is almost impossible to build harmonious relationships. Because those around us treat us the way we treat ourselves and, therefore, how we allow ourselves to be treated. Moreover, what kind of people are attracted to us depends on our inner attitude. Secondly, the important thing is that the point here is not so much in the man, but in the woman herself. Namely, what kind of men she chooses. There are a number of types of men who are not capable of long-term and harmonious relationships (there are also women, but in this article we will talk about men). And until a woman realizes where she is making a mistake and does not internally reconsider her attitude towards herself and towards similar men, she will step on the same rake again and again (as a rule, each subsequent case is worse than the previous one). Often unsuitable men are attracted to women who can be called idealists, maximalists, overly romantic people who dream of ideal, passionate, all-consuming love. As a rule, this is a consequence of a lack of love on the part of the father. Having matured, such a girl subconsciously strives to arouse love for herself in precisely those men who cannot give it to her. And the pattern repeats itself over and over again. Less often, the opposite situation occurs - excessive idealization of the father, great love on his part.
Types of men with whom it is dangerous to have a relationship.
1. Married man.He swears his love to you, and in moments of intimacy he is caring and gentle. But when communicating with you, he always looks at his watch, hides you from everyone, cannot meet with you on weekends and holidays, while saying that he loves only you. However, in reality there are not two of you, but three of you. At the same time, he will have a lot of explanations for why he cannot leave his wife, despite the fact that he loves only you, but does not love her and she does not understand him. Or, he will always promise you that the time will soon come and he will divorce and marry you. But all this will happen... in the future. These are just words. Not actions. Although there are exceptions.
2. Unavailable man.This type of man behaves with you exactly the same as a married man. But at the same time she is not married. He looks like a great man who makes you feel good when you're having fun together. But when you need help... he's not there, he's out of reach. He always has things to do that are more important than you. At the same time, he, too, like a married man, does not introduce you to his friends, does not tell his parents about you (let alone introduce you to them). When he needs you, he is your covenant, and you are nearby. But he doesn't even entertain the thought of being there for you when you need him. He doesn't think about it. He is already comfortable and good. And if you get tired of it and leave him, it will be... good for him too. Although perhaps not right away. Because it won't be comfortable for a while. After all, you won’t be there when he wants it, as always, for a few...hours or minutes.
3. Bad boy.He is a funny guy, a charmer and a joker. He is charming, sweet and irresistible. When you are together, he puts you on a pedestal, makes vows, jokes. It's never boring with him. But... out of the blue, he suddenly doesn’t get in touch with you, despite his promises. And he can disappear for weeks, not caring at all about your worries. Then, just as suddenly, he appears and, with constant charm, looking lovingly into your eyes, asks for forgiveness. So what if you found evidence of his betrayal in the form of lipstick on his shirt? After all, he is so charming and so faithfully promises that this will never happen again. And you forgive because you want to believe in a fairy tale. After all, this charmer is so sweet and speaks so skillfully about his love for you. But...he's as irresponsible as he is charming.
4. Sexually preoccupied.All his thoughts are about the same thing. All he needs from you is the satisfaction of his sexual needs. Sex replaces all the delights of a relationship between a man and a woman. He is not interested in heart-to-heart conversations, he does not know how to express his feelings to you, he craves only one thing. And he knows how to solve all problems in relationships only with sex. But... at any moment when you are not around, or when for some reason you cannot satisfy his sudden need, he can do it somewhere else. After all, sex is all he needs from a woman.
5. Unreliable, irresponsible man.This man calls himself self-sufficient and independent. He doesn't need your presence at all. Or rather, he only wants to be with you sometimes. And not every day. After all, he is self-sufficient, and he feels good. You console yourself with the thought that you have him, because he is dating you. And that he will substitute his strength male shoulder V difficult situation. But... this is an illusion. Because he doesn't need it. And it may very well be that at some point his self-sufficiency in his relationship with you will reach such limits that he will no longer need to spend his time on you, at least occasionally. After all, the main thing for him is his freedom and independence.
6. Poor thing.Such a man will shower you with his attention in abundance, shower you with ardent declarations of love, fulfill your every whim without hesitation, is ready to literally do anything for you and cannot live without you. And soon you won’t be able to be alone for a minute. Because he will be with you all the time. He wants to merge with you, to always be one, and... will demand the same constant attention from you. You will have to give all your time only to him. So, in the end, you ask yourself the question - does he really love you, or is it some kind of painful addiction?
7. Engineer of human souls.This is a sincere storyteller, an excellent expert on female psychology. He paints in all colors the beauty of love for you and you as such. Beautiful words flow from him like a river. Ah, these women who “love with their ears!”... He casts languid glances at you, he talks about love, promises a lot, and constantly gets into your soul. He subtly understands the slightest movements of the human soul, feels you perfectly and pretends that he is “on board” with you. He is an excellent manipulator and masters psychological methods of influence. He knows your motives and needs, tells you everything you want and promises you a lot. And soon you realize that he has gotten so deeply into your soul that you can’t get him off. He got you hooked on beautiful words like a drug. He has the habit of subtly asking how much you love him, how much you need him. And you say - yes, I love you! This is exactly what he wanted. But... it soon becomes clear that he cannot offer you anything but words. And he doesn’t think it’s necessary. He is weak and helpless, does not keep his promises, and many do not even remember. He doesn't know how to act. All his energy is spent on beautiful words. As a rule, he has an inferiority complex, and through intimate conversations he makes women fall in love with him. For self-affirmation.
8. Selfish.This is a man who loves only himself. He is simply not capable of loving anyone else. Especially if we are talking about a person who pays great attention to his appearance. Do you think it's nice to deal with such an elegant, handsome macho? However... this is only an appearance. The more carefully he chooses his clothes, shoes, perfume, hairstyle, the more he looks in the mirror and laments what he has gained. extra kilos, the more advanced the situation is - in front of you is a narcissistic narcissist. He really takes good care of himself, but... only of himself. It is simply not enough for others.
9. Workaholic.A man whose interests are limited solely to his career will never be able to make a woman happy. He disappears at work for days, and he doesn’t care about anything except her. In this pair, the man-work third is the odd one out. Probably, such a person has a very undeveloped ability to feel, love, and care. He replaces care and love with money earned at work. And, if a woman tries to be indignant at his inattention, he will reproach her for not appreciating his efforts to provide her with a sweet life. He simply won't hear her.
10. Drug addict, alcoholic, gambler.A man prone to harmful addictions can make any woman unhappy. And neither the most wonderful compatibility nor love can save you here. You can live with him, but... is it possible to live happily? And is it worth the pain?
11. Controller.At first glance, such a man can amaze you with his strength and masculinity. He knows how to solve problems, he is active, strong, decisive. He is the master of life. As a rule, it takes high post and makes good money. Behind him is like behind a stone wall. But at one fine moment you realize that the stone wall has turned into a cage. Because such a man limits you in everything and dictates all your actions for a long time to come. Controlling every step. He perceives you as a thing, his property.
12. Aggressor.Is it worth explaining that if a man beats his woman every now and then, then relying on the well-known saying “He beats means he loves” is not the best way out. Moreover, he is not limited to beatings alone. And don’t skimp on insults and rudeness. If he is so aggressive that he easily raises his hand against you, it is stupid to believe that he can be changed and you will live like in a fairy tale. Even if he suddenly begins to promise that he will never repeat this again. If he raised his hand to you, try to put an end to this relationship as soon as possible.
13. Greedy.This is a special type of man. He can have as much money as he wants, but this has little effect on the degree of his greed. He can explain this to you for any reasons, and even assure you that he is not greedy, but you should keep in mind that people are prone to “excuses”, even if they themselves are not aware of the true motives of their behavior. A man who spares money on his woman is not a man. And tomorrow he will spare money for his child. So what then? Believe in miracles? He can spare money on everyone except himself. Or he might be greedy for himself too. It's not that important. Another thing is important - it cannot be fixed. A man by nature is a protector, a provider. And if your chosen one has greed instead of these qualities, everything is too neglected. Run away from him and don't regret anything!
14. Indifferent.At first, he may seem so touchingly unhappy that he will touch your soul. You will want to pour out your tenderness on this unfortunate creature, warm him, caress him and finally make him happy with your love. After all, he has such sad eyes, he is so serious and reserved. He probably has such a vulnerable and sensitive soul that he is afraid to show his feelings so as not to be hurt or offended. And you will take it and melt the ice, because your love is enough for two. Stop! First of all, pay attention to your self-esteem! Why should you love for two? There will be no happiness in such a relationship. Because there is no harmony and equality there. And it won't. Secondly, such stories, as a rule, end in the collapse of relationships, a lot of disappointments, illnesses and mental trauma. Because an insensitive, indifferent, cold person who does not know how to love will not melt from your love alone. He doesn't need it. Although there are exceptions - when a man, at first cautious and reserved, as the relationship develops and trust in you increases, he opens up and becomes loving and gentle with you. But this usually happens pretty quickly. And this is rare. If his coldness lasts for months, or even years, there is no point in expecting a miracle.
15. Alphonse.This money-obsessed type can hardly be called a man. But he doesn't think so. He is used to selling himself, his attractiveness (and often he is really damn attractive!). He is well versed in the intricacies of female psychology, skillfully manipulates and seduces. He can be a good lover. And he knows how to “show off” so that you lose your head over him. Having previously learned all the features of your excellent material well-being. But... will he love you? He only loves your money. You need to be very careful with this one and stay away from it. So that it doesn’t turn out like in one humorous story, “A friend met such a handsome guy! Not a man, but a fairy tale!” He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t work, ... and doesn’t intend to. He lives in her luxurious apartment, with everything ready And he responds to all the indignation - if you don’t like something, I can leave, they’ll quickly pick me up, handsome.”
16. Womanizer.This is a man who, in principle, is incapable of love. Although he himself may not think so. But he calls anything love, just not love itself. He can sincerely admit that he is not monogamous. Hiding behind slogans from books that a man is a sower and all that jazz. So everything is in the nature of men, and not at all his fault. But he may not say this. It doesn't matter. If a man is walking, it is in vain to expect him to finally calm down and stop walking to the left. Even if he says that he loves only you and will no longer go to the left. However, if you are ready for this, continue to be with him. And even deceive yourself that you are happy and don’t go to doctors at all, don’t experience an inferiority complex, etc. etc. But is it worth it?
17. Bachelor.This type is very similar to unavailable and independent. But he most often openly declares his bachelor principles. He does not accept the institution of marriage and cannot stand obligations. Taking responsibility for someone is simply stupid. For what? If you can live for yourself, your loved one, for your own pleasure. And he is not going to offer anything but sex to his sexual needs with women (after all, he doesn’t owe anyone anything). And he will always find them. He does not know the beauty of close relationships, care and family comfort. He doesn't understand this. The word “we” does not exist for him, and even infuriates him. And the word “ours, common” is generally like a red rag for a bull. Among bachelors there can also be misogynists.
18. Gloomy philosopher.This is a man full of abstruse ideas and reasoning. He will quote classics and philosophers, he is well-read, smart and looks down on this whole “imperfect world” with petty-bourgeois foundations. Often he leads an ascetic lifestyle and cannot earn anything (with loud slogans that money is so low and vulgar). May be overly involved in spiritual practices, Castaneda, yoga, etc. (which in itself is not at all bad, but not in the case of a gloomy philosopher). He ignores the physical, material world. May not take care of himself, be unkempt, unkempt. He has reduced sensory sensations. After all, he is a high-flying bird. He doesn’t care about generally accepted principles. He can also look down on marriage, cynically talking about “loving a woman like a wild flower - he saw, smelled, admired and moved on,” about open relationships. This is what it is" high relations"Why should he burden himself with everyday life and serious relationships? After all, he is above this, all so spiritual, smart and advanced.
19. Loser, whiner.This man is a typical loser. He cannot find a decent job, he always sits penniless in his pocket, or even on someone’s neck. At the same time, he may consider himself an unrecognized genius, whom no one appreciates or understands. As a rule, he blames others and circumstances for his failures. At work, they say, he is not appreciated, his salary is not raised, his bosses are all bad, his colleagues are envious. His friends don’t understand him and that’s why, by and large, he doesn’t have any friends. And women are completely insidious creatures. And he had never seen a single good girl. They're all bitches. Whining, criticizing everything and everyone and seeking pity is his typical behavior. And even if at first he says that you may be an exception, and not like all these bitches, then the likelihood that in his eyes you will soon join the same cohort of bitches is very high.
20. Infantile. Mama's boy.This is the type of weak, dependent person. As a rule, he has an overbearing mother, or was raised by an overbearing grandmother. Often he is the only son of his parents (or of one mother, whose husband either abandoned her or never had one). And now he obeys his mother in everything, she completely controls him. If he manages to fly out from under her wing and starts a relationship with you, firstly, his mother will most likely not approve of his choice (why does she need competitors?), and he will listen to her, or he will behave with you just like with a powerful and strong mother. He won’t be able to take a step without you, he will be entirely under your influence. There is no need to look for support and support in such a man. And with his addiction, he will very soon begin to drive you crazy. Do you need an over-aged, infantile “son”, or is it still a man?
The list goes on. But the trends are clear. Of course, all these types are just conventions. And they, as a rule, are exaggerated, as in any typology. In addition, there are practically no pure types in nature. Usually several of these characteristics, developed to varying degrees, are combined in one person. Some of them are intersecting. All people are not perfect. And one or another trait may be present in a normal man who know how to build good relationships. But the most important thing is to understand to what extent it is developed. And if some of these traits are strongly and seriously expressed in a man, then, of course, you can build a relationship with him if you really want to (but is it worth it?). Moreover, “love is evil.” But! Is this love? Love is harmony. Although many call it strong feelings, where there is a lot of suffering, or passion, or painful dependence. Anything but love. Remember that it is almost impossible to create a long and happy relationship with such a man. Although many of our women live by the principle “even if it’s bad, it’s mine.” Here you need to decide for yourself what you want - happy family and a loving, reliable man nearby, who not only makes you happy, but is also happy that you are nearby. Or suffering, complexes, tears and psychosomatic illnesses. And remember, no matter what a man is, he must take care not only of himself, but also of you and your children. How about yourself. But playing with one goal will not bring happiness.
