How to talk to a teenager so that he learns. Four of the biggest mistakes parents make when talking to a teenager

25.12.202327.05.2017

Do you want to communicate more with girls? Don't worry—talking to a girl doesn't have to be complicated! Just don't worry about how to start a conversation and keep her hooked by showing your interest in her and charming her as much as you can. If you want to know how a teenage boy can learn to talk to girls, just follow our instructions.

Steps

Start an interesting conversation

Be confident and balanced. If you want to start a killer conversation with a girl, then you need to come up with an interesting opening for your conversation. If you see a girl you want to talk to, whether it's a girl you've been liking for a while or a cutie you just spotted at a party, you need to get her to pay attention to you. Then, when you've caught her eye, approach her confidently. Hold your head high and look straight.
- If you don't know her, then introduce yourself. Just say: “Hi, my name is Misha. How are you?” It's very simple but effective.
- If you already know each other, just say, “How are you?” or "What's new?" You don't have to think twice - just approach her as if it's no big deal for you.
- Fake it until you develop confidence - even if you're afraid to talk to girls, pretend it's easy for you.
Start the conversation with a non-intrusive topic. You don't have to come up with an elaborate joke or do a somersault to get her attention. Just say something that will make her want to continue talking to you and find out more. You can't talk about your grandmother's funeral or your plans for the future right now. Just mention a show, or your dog's latest antics, or what you did over the weekend. Don't overexert yourself and make light conversation. Here are examples of the first phrases:
- “I had a crazy weekend. I helped my dad with an addition to our house and I can't move my arms. What did you do? I hope you were doing something interesting?”
- “Look at these scratches on my hands. My cat goes crazy if she is not fed on time. Do you have any pets?”
- “The last math test was so difficult. It seems to me that I haven’t decided anything at all. How are you?”
Find out her character. When you start talking to a girl, you will understand what she wants from you. All girls are different. If she is shy, you will have to be the leader, ask her questions and generally talk more than she does. But if she likes to talk, give her the opportunity and don't worry about what impression you'll make, but don't interrupt her either. Once you know what type of girl she is, you can figure out how to talk to her.
- Don't worry if she's shy. She might be one of those girls who is shy at first, but then quickly opens up once they get comfortable.
- While it's important to always be yourself, you should stick to safe topics when first talking to a girl until you know yet whether she has a sense of humor or is easily offended by jokes and comments. The more you talk to her, the more topics of conversation you will discover.
- Even if a girl likes to talk, you should also participate in the conversation. Let her know that you are interested in her.
Start by chatting about nothing. You also need to be able to chat. If you're talking to a girl, you can't start right away with your deepest, most important desires, otherwise you'll scare her and she'll run away from you. Simple, unobtrusive conversation is an art, and you can master it by starting with ordinary, everyday topics and gradually moving on to more intimate and exciting topics. You have to start simple to progress to serious conversations, so don't be afraid to sound boring by talking about the most ordinary things, even the weather or tomorrow's chemistry test. Here are some examples of how you can turn a conversation from idle chatter into something serious:
- “It's been raining a lot this week. I wanted to go cycling with my dad, but we ended up staying at home all weekend. Were you doing something interesting or were you also bored at home?”
- “I was supposed to study for a chemistry test yesterday, but my little sister got sick and I had to help my mom take care of her. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
- “I watched The Avengers yesterday. It's not bad, but it's definitely not my favorite movie. What's your favorite movie?
Give her subtle compliments. When you talk, let her know that you like her, but don't push her, or she might get scared. You can laugh a little with her and compliment her in the form of a joke. Now one compliment will be enough - you don’t want her to think that you are pursuing her or are crazy about her. Here are some ways to tease her:
- “I like the color of your blouse. It matches your eyes. Did you choose it this way on purpose?”
- “You have such a nice laugh. You need to let it out more often."
- “You are the only girl who knows more about football than me. How did this happen?
Keep her on the hook
1. Ask her questions. If you've been talking to a girl for a while, you might want to start asking her questions; This will show her that you care about her interests and opinions without becoming her shadow. She shouldn't feel like she's being interrogated, but she should understand that you're sincerely trying to get to know her and not just trying to show off or impress her. Here are some questions you can ask to tell her a little about yourself and make her feel comfortable:
  - "When I come home from school, the first thing I do is pick up my guitar. What do you do in your free time?"
  - “Do you like being on the tennis team? I play football and I like it, but our coach is trying to torture us with training.”
2. Make her laugh. If you want to keep her hooked, you need to be able to make her laugh so that she feels comfortable and wants to continue communicating with you. To make her laugh, you can joke about yourself, tease her a little, or tell her about a funny thing that happened to you over the weekend. Don't try too hard to make funny jokes or tell her as many jokes as possible, and don't say nasty things about other people just for a laugh. Here's what you can say to make her laugh:
  - “I've been playing guitar so much that I think I'm obsessed. Last night I dreamed that I was Jimi Hendrix - I was very surprised when I woke up."
  - Are all the things in your closet pink or is that how you dressed today?”
  - “Yesterday I told the coach that I had a cold and would not come to training. And then he saw me in a cafe in the evening - damn, that’s such bad luck!”
3. Let her talk. Even if a girl is very sensitive, you should let her talk and tell you what she thinks and what worries her. You may start to get nervous when you run out of things to talk about and start stuttering about all sorts of stupid things and nothing comes to mind. Pause between sentences, let her interject her comments, and don't interrupt her if she's trying to say something.
  - If she's telling you a story, don't just wait until she's finished to tell her a more interesting one—it'll make her think you're not listening.
  - React to her words. You don't have to constantly nod and say "yeah" every two seconds to let her know that you care about what she has to say. Just look her in the eye, nod in time, and make appropriate comments like, “Wow,” “I can’t believe you had to do that,” “I never imagined...”
4. Don't boast or show off. If you boast and show off, the girl will want to run away from you before you finish listing your basketball achievements. Talking about what a great athlete or student you are won't impress her and will even have the opposite effect of making her think you're stupid and narcissistic.
  - You can tell her how much you like sports, without talking about your achievements.
  - You can name your favorite subject, but doesn't talk about your A on your last test.
  - Don't think that a girl won't know how great you are if you don't show off. On the contrary, she will think that you are cool and modest.
5. Let her see your talents. This is not the same as boasting. You don't have to brag about what makes you different from other guys. Let her know about your quirks or interests, but don't immediately think that you're a weirdo. This isn't the best time to show her your spider collection, but you can tell her about your volunteer work at the local soup kitchen, how you enjoy walking the dog, or writing songs.
  - Find a way to start a conversation on your favorite topic and wait for the girl to start asking questions.
  - After you've told her more about yourself, ask her something personal so she doesn't feel like you're dominating the conversation.
  - Be calm. If you really want to remain interesting to a girl, be a little indifferent, find a middle ground between meeting her often and following her around. To stay cool, you don't have to constantly be around her, showering her with compliments and constantly telling her how beautiful and wonderful she is.
    - You should act as if you enjoy talking to her, but this is not new to you, and that if she doesn't like you, it won't be a big tragedy for you.
    - Think before you speak. If you really want to compliment her, don't let it sound too pompous at first. For example, if you want to say, “You have the most beautiful hair in the world,” you could say, “I love the way your hair plays in the light. I've never seen anything like this before."
  - Know when to walk away. There are two ways to know when to end a conversation with a girl. In the first case, she is no longer very interested, she looks at her feet, at the phone screen, or glances at her friends in the hope of salvation. Or you had a great time chatting and she was actually interested - it may seem unnatural, but you need to leave in the middle of the conversation, but not rudely, so that she wants to chat again.
    - If a girl doesn't like talking to you, just say goodbye and leave. There's no point in making the situation worse by saying, "I feel like I'm boring you."
    - If you see that she really enjoys talking to you and you have a good time together, it's time to leave.
Leave gracefully
1. Leave her looking forward to a new conversation. You don't need to spill your guts and tell her all the interesting things about yourself or ask her questions to charm her right away. This way you won't have any topics left for next time. Try to keep her interested in the conversation to find out what she wants to ask you and use these topics in the next conversation. Here's how to do it:
  - "Have I already told you about how I met Dima Bilan at McDonald's? I'll tell you when I have more time."
  - “I am very interested in acting. I'd love to hear more about your role as Lady Macbeth. "Macbeth is my favorite Shakespeare play."
  - “Dima and I are going mountain biking for the first time tomorrow. It's not very safe, so I'll let you know if we survive."
2. Let her know that you enjoyed talking to her. There is no need to say that this was the best conversation in your life - even if it is true! One short sentence will let her know that she is special and she will want to talk to you again. Here's how to do it:
  - “It was nice to chat. I still can’t believe that thing with your sister.”
  - “I like talking to you about music. You always advise me something new."
  - “I guess I didn’t keep track of time, that’s how I enjoyed talking about movies with you.”
3. Talk about when you can chat again. The conversation shouldn't end like this. Before you say goodbye, say something that lets her know that you'd like to talk again, even if it doesn't happen anytime soon. This will make her feel special, but won't make her feel like you're stalking her. Here's what you can say:
  - “Good luck to you in training tomorrow. Tell me about it later."
  - “See you in math on Monday. Prepare some jokes, please, otherwise I’ll be sad when they tell us the grades.”
  - “I love hearing stories about your family. Maybe you can tell me more at the party?”
4. Leave with dignity. Once you've finished the conversation, let her know you enjoy talking to her, and mentioned a time when you can talk again, you can do nothing but smile, wave, say, "See you," and walk off into the sunset. Walk away confidently and quickly, instead of hanging around her until you run out of things to talk about.
  - Don't overdo it at the end of a conversation. A simple “Let's talk later” will let her know what's what.
  - If you have somewhere to go, like English class or soccer practice, tell her so she knows you're busy and have something to do.
  - Smile widely to make her feel comfortable. The smile should not be forced. Just show her that you had a good time.
- Look people in the eye, but not in a way that scares them.
- Be confident.
- Wear decent clothes. You don't have to wear a suit that costs thousands all the time, but it's better to choose your favorite outfit. Pay attention to details, such as the buttons on your shirt, and keep your pants down. Make sure your clothes fit well and avoid looking like a little boy. Look good, but not like you've been getting ready for hours. Try not to look like a lazy person.
- Let the girl talk about herself and listen to what she says.
- Find out what she likes more, talking or listening; if she likes to talk, give her this opportunity, and if she likes to listen more, then tell her about yourself, because if she likes you too, she will be pleased to hear your voice.
- Don't worry about what you say. It turns out that girls pay more attention to how you speak, rather than what you say!
- Avoid standard phrases!
- Be yourself. You don't have to pretend to be some other person. But if you have bad habits or personality traits that you would like to change, do it.
- Always monitor your hygiene. You don't know when she will call and want to meet.
- Avoid awkwardness, this can be the worst part of the conversation. To avoid this, quickly interrupt her and tell her that you need to leave immediately. Apologize and say you are late. If there is an awkward pause, make a joke or ask a question.
- Ask questions, but don't overdo it.
- Tell her she's beautiful. If she lowers her eyes or blushes, this is a good sign. Don't panic, but say, “Especially when you smile,” and smile at her. Her knees will shake.
- Don't brag! This is offensive to some girls (and guys too, by the way).
- Discuss TV, music, movies, celebrities, sports, radio, all the latest news to find as many topics as possible to talk about.
- You can borrow conversation starters from TV shows (watch the news, especially MTV. You can also watch the news with your parents to find topics for more serious conversations), on the Internet, in books, magazines and newspapers.
- Finish what you started. Find your girlfriend at the end of the day and apologize for having to run away and she will forgive you. Tell her that you forgot the topic of conversation, but you really enjoyed talking to her. Now you can ask for her number. "If I have to run away again, you'll remind me what we talked about." She will give you her number and you will have everything covered.
- Develop confidence, courage and improve self-esteem.
- If you run out of things to talk about or are getting awkward, just ask for her number. If she doesn't remember it, give her yours and ask her to call or text you later. Most likely, if she likes you, she will text you and wait for you to respond.
- Don't be afraid to make eye contact. Girls get very annoyed if guys don't look at her during a conversation. But when you communicate, try not to stare at her, it will become awkward for both of you. Look between her eyes if you feel uncomfortable looking straight into her eyes. She will feel like you are looking straight into her eyes.

“Age characteristics of adolescence.

Communicate with a teenager. How?"

Each of us would really like there to be no problems with our children, especially problems with obedience. But in reality, everything turns out to be so problematic that adults become confused, begin to look for solutions, become even more confused, and the growing child takes more and more power into his own hands.

Today I propose to talk about your children, who just recently were diligent first-graders, and are now teenagers. What is adolescence, what dangers does it pose, what opportunities does it provide, how to ensure that these dangers are minimized and the opportunities are fully realized, how should parents behave with a teenager? I will try to give an explanation to these and many other questions.

Adolescence is a very difficult, but extremely important period for the development of a person’s personality.

Let's focus on the age characteristics of adolescence.

Age characteristics of adolescence (grades 7-9).

1. Middle school age (from 11-12 to 14-15 years) is called adolescence, or adolescence.

2. The process of formation of neoplasms that distinguish a teenager from an adult is extended over time and can occur unevenly, which is why both exist in a teenager and "child" and "adult".

3. Central neoplasm of adolescence - feeling of adulthood– the emerging idea of oneself as no longer a child. The teenager begins to feel like an adult, strive to be and be considered an adult.

4.Leading position communication with peers.

5.Age is characterized restructuring of the motivational sphere(including filling existing motives with new meaning), intellectual sphere(elements of theoretical thinking and professional orientation of interests and plans are revealed), areas of relationships with adults and peers, personal sphere– self-awareness.

Let's look very briefly at each point.

1. Middle school age (from 11-12 to 14-15 years) is called adolescence, or adolescence.

In psychology and pedagogy it is accepted under adolescence understand the age from 11 (12) to 15 years, which corresponds to the average school age of students in grades 5-9. Adolescence is divided into junior teenage and senior teenage crisis 13 years. Although, both in essence and in the nature of the changes occurring at this age, adolescence as a whole is a crisis.

2. The process of formation of neoplasms that distinguish a teenager from an adult is extended over time and can occur unevenly, which is why both “childish” and “adult” exist in a teenager at the same time.

This period is called the transition from childhood to adulthood (adolescence). Those around them expect more mature actions from teenagers, they place more hopes on them, they are consulted with more often, they trust them, and they demand more from them. In childhood, the child's behavior was controlled by the parents, and adult life requires making one's own decisions. The teenager strives to defend his independence and acquire the right to vote. Everything that a teenager has become accustomed to since childhood - family, school, peers - are evaluated and re-evaluated, acquiring new significance and meaning. You have to reconsider your attitude to the world, accept and independently develop values, worldview, and ideals.

Getting rid of parental care is the universal goal of adolescence. But this deliverance does not take place through a rupture of relations, separation, which probably also takes place (in special cases), but through the emergence of a new quality of relations. This is not so much a path from dependence to autonomy as a movement towards increasingly differentiated relationships with others.

During adolescence, the entire human body enters the path of active physiological and biological changes (puberty begins).

Three systems are radically rebuilt at once: hormonal, circulatory and musculoskeletal. New hormones are rapidly released into the blood and have a stimulating effect on the central nervous system, determining the onset of puberty. The uneven maturation of various organic systems is pronounced. In the circulatory system, the muscle tissue of the heart outstrips the blood vessels in terms of growth; the pushing force of the heart muscle forces the vessels, which are not ready for such a rhythm, to work in extreme mode. In the musculoskeletal system, bone tissue outstrips the growth rate of muscles, which, unable to keep up with bone growth, become tense, creating constant internal discomfort. All this leads to the fact that fatigue, excitability, irritability, negativism, pugnacity increase teenagers by 8-11 times.

This is how it begins negative phase adolescence. She is characterized by restlessness, anxiety, imbalances in physical and mental development, aggressiveness, conflicting feelings, decreased performance, melancholy, etc.

Negative changes occurring in a teenager:
vulnerable, unstable psyche, high anxiety;
manifestation of egocentrism;
deliberate manipulation of adults;
internal conflict with oneself and others;

there is a tendency to take rash risks and an inability to assess the degree of its danger;

aggressiveness, often without reason;
increased negative attitude towards teachers, parents, adults;
fear of loneliness (thoughts of suicide).

Positive phase comes gradually and is expressed in the fact that the teenager begins to feel close to nature, perceive art in a new way, he has a world of values, a need for intimate communication, he experiences a feeling of love, dreams, etc. (I. S. Kon) .

Positive changes occurring in a teenager:
manifestation of a sense of adulthood;
growth of self-awareness, self-esteem, self-regulation;
increased attention to one’s appearance (height, figure, face, clothes);
demonstrating independence in acquiring knowledge and skills;
emergence of cognitive motivation;
the desire to be not worse, but better than others.

3. The central new formation of adolescence is the feeling of adulthood - the emerging idea of oneself as no longer a child. The teenager begins to feel like an adult, strive to be and be considered an adult.

Central neoplasm of adolescence - feeling of adulthood – the emerging idea of oneself as no longer a child.

The feeling of adulthood that arises in a teenager manifests itself as a subjective experience of the teenager’s readiness to be a full member of a team of adults. The teenager begins to feel like an adult, strive to be one, and be considered one. The peculiarity lies in the fact that the teenager rejects his belonging to children, but there is no full-fledged adulthood yet, although the need for recognition by others is manifested. A teenager’s claims to new rights apply primarily to the sphere of his relationships with adults. He begins to resist the demands that he previously fulfilled; takes offense and protests when attempts are made to limit his independence. He reveals a heightened sense of self-esteem, and he claims greater equality with adults. A situation specific to this age is created: he limits the rights of adults, but expands his own and claims respect for his personality and dignity, trust and independence.

The following obstacles hinder the formation of an equal attitude towards teenagers among adults:

The social status of a teenager remains unchanged - he is still a schoolboy;
Complete financial dependence on parents;
The usual style of adults in parenting is to guide and control the child;
Preservation of childish behavior in adolescents.

It is important to discuss with teenagers the problem of the rights and responsibilities of each person, including parents, in relation to themselves. Therefore, the success of raising a teenager largely depends on adults overcoming their stereotypical attitude towards him as a child.

At this time, teenagers rush into active learning about various aspects of life, actively trying out their new roles. They don’t need anyone’s advice, because they need their own mistakes.

4. Leading position - communication with peers.

Communication. The leading motive for a teenager’s behavior is the desire to find his place among his peers. Moreover, the lack of such an opportunity very often leads to social maladaptation and crime. Peer ratings begin to take on more importance than teacher and adult ratings. A teenager is maximally exposed to the influence of the group and its values; he is afraid of losing popularity among his peers. In communication as an activity, the child assimilates social norms, re-evaluates values, and satisfies the need for recognition and self-affirmation.

Most often, communication goes beyond the boundaries of school and becomes an independent important area of life. Relationships with peers are allocated to the sphere of personal life, isolated from the influence and interference of adults. In peers, a teenager values the qualities of a comrade and friend, intelligence and knowledge (not academic performance), courage, and the ability to control oneself.

5. Age is characterized by a restructuring of the motivational sphere (including the filling of existing motives with new meaning), the intellectual sphere (elements of theoretical thinking and the professional orientation of interests and plans are manifested), the sphere of relationships with adults and peers, the personal sphere - self-awareness.

At this point I would like to dwell on the relationship of adolescents with their parents.

The sphere of relationships with parents throughout the entire period of growing up remains significant and has a strong influence on the formation of personality. Older teenagers “discover their parents” for the first time and begin to place extremely high demands on them.

In families there is no atmosphere of warmth in the relationship between parents and children. Every sixth teenager (from a two-parent family) experiences emotional rejection from both parents. The most typical hostile-inconsistent attitude of parents is combined with their psychological autonomy. Teenagers formulate it as a “no time for you” attitude. In half of the cases, there is obvious or hidden hostility in adolescents’ attitude towards their parents.

During adolescence, the attitude towards the family as a whole and towards parents changes in the following directions:

1. Criticism, doubts and opposition to the values, attitudes and ways of acting of adults appear.

2. Emotional ties with family weaken.

3. Parents as a model for orientation and identification recede into the background.

4. In general, the influence of the family is decreasing, although, in essence, it remains an important reference group.

What should parents do?

It is necessary for the teenager to master adult position, and for this he must make a real contribution to the life of his family. It is useful to write down an agreement on the rights and responsibilities of a teenager, and give him the opportunity to work somewhere during the holidays. He will learn not because he is forced, but realizing that he needs it. He will report when he is late, because, being in an adult position, he will feel sorry for his parents.

Dear parents, you should know that a teenager is subject to strong experiences caused by the feeling of emerging adulthood and the formation of the image of “I”. The feeling of adulthood as a manifestation of self-awareness is the core, structural center of the personality.

One of the first results of self-knowledge is low self-esteem(the teenager strives to solve the simplest problems, which hinders his development) . According to many criteria - “intelligence”, “communication”, “health”, “character”, etc. - on a 10-point scale, a teenager rates himself approximately 5 points, and according to the criterion of “happiness” he does not rise above 3-4 points. The process of self-knowledge follows the path of discovering more and more new shortcomings and negative qualities; the teenager blames himself for everything - both for poor studies and in conflict with his parents. This is facilitated by his assimilating the ideas and assessments that the adults around him have. Research shows that parents practically do not see the positive traits and advantages of the teenager, while judgments about the shortcomings are extremely varied and specific. A teenager does not yet know how to rely on the strengths of his personality, character, his virtues, therefore he is vulnerable.

Psychological recommendations for parents.
Build a positive relationship between you and your child.
1. Talk to your teenager in a friendly, respectful tone. Restrain your criticism and create positivism in communicating with him. The tone should demonstrate only respect for the teenager as an individual.
2. Be firm and kind at the same time. The adult should be friendly and not act as a judge.
3. Remove control. Controlling a teenager requires special attention from adults. Retaliating with anger rarely leads to success.
4. Support your teenager. Unlike rewards, support is needed even when he does not achieve success.
5. Have courage. Changing behavior takes practice and patience.
6. Show mutual respect. The adult must demonstrate trust in the teenager, confidence in him and respect for him as an individual.

The most common problems associated with raising teenagers.

Communicate with a teenager: how?

As our children grow, so do the problems associated with raising them. How to find mutual understanding (and is it possible to find it). But first, I will answer the question most often asked by parents: “What period of adolescence is the most difficult in interacting with a child and why?” The answer is this: the most difficult time for parents (and for the child himself too) is the period between 13 and 14 years. And to the question why? We have already answered - the teenage crisis (crisis of 13 years) is to blame.

So, the main problems of this age.

PROBLEM 1. “My child can’t HEAR me.”

Example“My 14-year-old daughter is completely out of control: she doesn’t react at all when I ask her to do something. She acts as if I’m not even there. And I’m already tired of repeating: “How many times do I have to tell you?! " - still there is no answer. “Leave me alone!” - and even then he doesn’t always deign to say..." Is this a familiar story? What to do in such cases, how to “reach out” to your child? The following rules will help you:

Rule 1. When speaking to your child, say less, not more. In this case, you increase the likelihood of being understood and heard. Why? But because children need more time to comprehend what they hear before answering something (they have a completely different speed of processing information than adults). Thus, if you ask your child a question or ask for something, wait at least five seconds - the child will absorb more information and, quite possibly, give an adequate answer. Try to speak briefly and precisely, avoid lengthy monologues. At this age, the child becomes more receptive if he knows that he will not have to listen to a whole lecture. For example: “Please clean up the closet before you go for a walk,” “Now you need to learn physics,” etc. Sometimes one reminder word is enough: “Cleaning!”, “Literature!”

Rule 2. Speak kindly, politely - as you would like to be spoken to - and... QUIETLY. A lowered, muffled voice usually takes a person by surprise, and the child will definitely stop to listen to you. It’s not for nothing that teachers use this technique so successfully to attract the attention of a raging class.

Rule 3. Be an attentive listener, do not be distracted by extraneous matters when your child is telling you something. Listen to him twice as much as you talk. Your growing child simply will not be able to become an attentive listener if he has no one to learn this from. Make sure that you yourself can serve as an example of what you require from your child (pay attention to how you listen to your husband, friends, family and, of course, the child himself).

Rule 4. If you are very irritated, you should not start a conversation. Your irritation and aggression will be instantly transmitted to your child, and he will no longer hear you. This is due to the fact that one of the psychological characteristics of this age is emotional instability, largely due to hormonal changes occurring in the child’s body.

Rule 5. Make eye contact with your child before you say anything. First, make sure that he is looking at you and not away (if not, then ask him to look at you - this technique also works with adults, such as husbands). When you look into each other's eyes - the child is at your disposal, you can formulate your request or question. Doing this all the time when you need your child's attention will teach him to listen to you.

Rule 6. It is often difficult for teenagers to immediately switch their attention to your question, especially if they are busy doing something they really like. Moreover, the child may indeed not hear you (this is a feature of attention at this age). In this case, give warnings - set a time limit: “I want to talk to you in a minute, please take a break” or “I will need your help in two minutes.” In this case, the established time interval should not exceed five minutes, otherwise the teenager will simply forget.

PROBLEM 2. "Rudeness, disrespect for elders. My child is IRRITATE all the time"

Example“My son is 13 years old, he grew up as a kind and calm, well-mannered boy. Now, according to him, he completely feels like an adult, but with this adulthood, completely new features have appeared in him - he stopped obeying, is rude all the time, argues in order to They didn’t say anything. All I hear is: “Yeah, now!”, “Don’t tell me!”, “What do you even understand?”

Psychological reason similar behavior: the emergence of the need to feel like adults. There is a desire to feel like an adult, but there is no true adulthood yet. A teenage child cannot yet enjoy the privileges that the status of an adult gives a person, but has already lost the advantages that he had in childhood. So the teenager doesn’t know how to show his “maturity”, and finds the easiest way - rudeness, impudent phrases that he could not afford before. And here it is very important for parents to behave correctly, so as not to just yell and “crush” with authority, but to correct the situation.

Rule 1. If your child is being rude, point it out to him right away so he always knows he has crossed a line. Direct your comments at the child's behavior, not at the child's personality. For example: “When I talk to you, you roll your eyes. This is a sign of disrespect. Don’t do that again,” “Telling me to “get off” when I’m talking to you is unacceptable. Try to make sure I don’t do it again.” .

Rule 2. Learn to talk to your child as an equal, don’t coo and don’t suppress - let him feel your importance so that he doesn’t look for other ways to get this feeling. Consult with him more often on various family issues - it is possible that he will offer some fresh solution, and there is no need to be rude in such a situation, moreover, rudeness here will look childish.

Rule 3. Explain to your child what is right and what is wrong, what is possible and what is not. Do not think that the child himself knows how to behave correctly. He still really needs your authority. Just try to do this not in the form of a moral lesson, but during a friendly conversation, or even better, using the example of your own experience.

Rule 4. Try not to get into arguments. There is no need to sigh demonstratively, shrug your shoulders, show that you are angry, persuade, swear - such tactics only aggravate such behavior. Practice shows that teenage children stop being rude and insolent when they see that this is ineffective in attracting the attention of adults. So stay neutral and don't respond. For example, look at something distantly, and if that doesn’t help, lock yourself in another room. Just refuse to continue the conversation while the child is being rude, and do this ALWAYS.

Rule 5. Even if a teenager behaves incorrectly and rudely, reprimand him only in private, and not in the presence of other adults or teenagers. Teenagers are VERY sensitive to any criticism addressed to them, and this can lead to pronounced oppositional behavior and will only increase rudeness.

PROBLEM 3. “My child LIES all the time”

Example“My son lies to me all the time - for any reason, in situations where this could not have been done. Even about little things, just like that. Indeed, in many cases, lies immediately come to light, and he understands it. And still lying! Why?"

Cause: Unfortunately, in adolescence, lying, especially if it happened before, becomes more habitual for the child, he lies more often. In communication with adults, this manifests itself because there are more and more secrets from parents, and, consequently, reasons to deceive. In communication with peers - to embellish your qualities, capabilities and abilities. It’s very bad when this becomes a habit, and the statement “It will go away on its own” is clearly inappropriate here. You need to try to gently, delicately, but decisively wean your child from lying.

Rule 1. Assume honesty and demand truthfulness. Constantly explain your attitude towards honesty: “Everyone in our family should be honest with each other.” But before that, analyze what example of honesty you yourself set. Do you use “white” lies yourself? Have you asked your child to answer the phone that you are not at home when you are, etc.

Rule 2. Try to identify possible reasons for deception. As a rule, a teenager begins to lie primarily in order to attract the attention of parents, adults, and friends. In second place is envy, despair, resentment or anger. And on the third - fear of punishment or fear of letting parents down. Moreover, a direct question on this topic does not work: he, as a rule, himself does not know exactly the real reasons. Analyze for yourself: when did the lying begin, to whom is he lying - to everyone or only to some?

Rule 3. Even though your child is no longer a toddler, continue to explain to him why lying is wrong. Give compelling arguments, accompanying them with clear examples close to the child’s age: lying can lead to trouble, often very big; your reputation also suffers, your peer group stops trusting you (in adolescence this has a very big impact); deception offends, especially those closest to you, etc. Ask questions that will help the child understand for himself what such behavior can lead to, and wait for an answer. For example: "If you don't keep your word, how can I trust you?" etc.

Rule 4. Remember that teenagers often lie to get attention. Based on this, try not to react too harshly to exaggeration or distortion of the truth. If your child did exactly this, try to remain calm - your screaming and lamentation will only make him want to run away, but not become honest.

Rule 5. Enter the "penalty" for lying. Moreover, choose a method so that your child, as a result of using it, will no longer want to cheat. For example, let him, every time he cheated, write an apology to the “victim” - mother, father, etc. (it will be useful for you to read what is written in order to understand your child).

PROBLEM 4. “My child doesn’t want to study.”

The main reasons for reluctance to learn.
- Laziness, or simply put, unwillingness to work.

Lack of motivation - “Why study at all?”

Fatigue and heavy loads.

Poor relationships with teachers and classmates.

Fear of failure, low self-esteem.

Problems in relationships with parents, stress.

Today's children often do not want to study for a very simple reason: they do not know at all what it is for. For today's children, the announcement that they must study is an empty phrase. Statements that only by studying can one get a good job in life are also quite dubious. Our children are not stupid at all and every day they see people who, even if they learned something well, clearly did not do it at school. And, nevertheless, these people are perfectly (often much better than parents who advocate education) “settled” in life. In addition, children, especially those under 14 years of age, are generally not very capable of predictive thinking. Thinking today about what will happen to them in five or six years, and somehow subordinating today’s actions to this is too much work for their minds.

So what to do? The only way out is to show children every day, at every opportunity, that knowledge and education make a person’s life more interesting, more fulfilling, and expand the boundaries of the world available to him. Accessible not in terms of “take and eat”, but in terms of “understanding”.

Another reason why highly capable students often fail to study is a lack of interest in learning. They are simply not interested, and no amount of your persuasion or threats will help here. The only way out in this case (if the child is truly gifted) is to find a school or program that is quite adequate to the child’s capabilities. When interest in learning returns, so does academic performance.

Learning motivation should be developed based on the current needs of adolescents. The central place in educational motivation is self-affirmation motive. This opens up the opportunity for the development of educational motivation and general cognitive motivation by strengthening the student’s self-esteem, developing voluntary behavior, and strategies for overcoming difficulties. When teenagers fail (or don't achieve the success they expected), they quickly become disillusioned with the field and themselves. Supporting the student, strengthening his self-esteem, developing his ability to analyze the reasons for failure are essential points for educational motivation.

We have examined only a small part of the problems that parents experience when communicating with teenagers. I would like a parent raising a teenage child to understand that being a teenager is very difficult. Filled with energy released in powerful physiological changes, obsessed with the emerging need for independence, full of expectations for future success in a big life, the teenager goes through the most difficult trials in search of his own paths in a new world for him. No matter how hard it may be for you, do not leave him alone on this part of his life’s path, become his “guide.” The difficult life period will pass, and the child will never forget your help. Good luck to you and your children, who are no longer children at all, but not yet adults.

And now we're getting to the "friend" stage. How to behave with a teenager in order to maintain a relationship, says psychologist Satya Das.

The last stage of growing up is called "friend". From about the age of fourteen, parents should understand that the child has already grown up. Everything that you could put and explain into it, you have already explained and put into it. If you haven’t invested, it’s too late to invest, nothing will change.

And in fact, this is the most difficult stage. If we can somehow imagine and make a child a “king” or a “student,” then we do not perceive him as a friend at all. How can someone who peed in diapers, threw a cat out of the window at four years old, and did a lot of stupid things like that, be a friend?

What does a child friend mean? Is he really supposed to be your friend? It's unlikely that this will work. But at the same time, you are obliged to speak to the child in the same words and with the same intonation as when communicating with your real adult friend.

Imagine that you come somewhere with a friend and live in the same hotel room. And so he didn’t make the bed in the morning, and it annoys you.

How will you tell him about this? You will try to do it more gently so that he doesn’t get offended in response and tell you to go to hell. And you order your child to remove this bed without thinking about how he will perceive it. But this commanding tone will offend him just as much as it would offend your friend.

Let’s say that until the age of five your child is not a “king,” from five to fourteen he is a slave, not a “student,” and after fourteen he also does not become a friend. What will happen then? He will run away from you. Do you know what this approach is called? Mockery, emotional aggression towards a child.

Until the age of five, a child who is treated this way cries. From five to fourteen years old he will be offended, silent and closed. From fourteen he will begin to snap, and you will consider that it has begun.

Adolescence is a myth

But in fact, adolescence is a myth; it does not exist. It is clear that teenagers have more hormones, but when children become uncontrollable, it means that adults mocked and pressed, and children finally learned to resist, snap back and defend themselves.

If a child was subjected to emotional aggression before the age of fourteen, then at the age of fourteen there is not a “hormonal explosion”, but simply the child will grow to the age when he has gained strength to begin to resist aggression. If these are physically strong boys, then at this stage they may well respond to the father who puts pressure on them simply physically. And parents attribute this to a hormonal explosion and adolescence.

The best thing you can do with a child over fourteen years old if you have problems with him is to leave him alone.

You call this a transition period because this did not exist before, but now it has suddenly appeared. You hope that the transition period will end with age, but in fact the problems will not go away and will move to a new level. And I urge you not to put pressure on children, but to educate yourself.

When a child learns to snap back, his next step will be to try to run away from you. Don’t be surprised if your sixteen-year-old son wants to go to study somewhere in the wilderness for some completely exotic specialty or, at the age of fifteen, go to some terrible vocational school on the other side of the country. And you think: “Yes, I myself came from Nizhny Tagil to St. Petersburg, and he wants to leave God knows where from here, why is he doing this, why?”

But in fact, he does all this because he dreams of only one thing - to get away from you, because you are the aggressor in his life. He needs to go somewhere to be away from his crazy parents, who are already fed up with him, and that’s why he goes somewhere far away.

A girl has much more opportunities to escape than a boy. She can go away to study, or she can get married. If your daughter, at the age of sixteen, ran off with some suspicious guy on a motorcycle and they got married, then this means that you bullied the poor girl. Perhaps when she is thirty-six and you are fifty-eight, you will restore the relationship. But it is not a fact that this will happen.

If you don't do the right thing at every step, problems will inevitably arise. Remember how you felt as a teenager when your parents did not treat you as a friend. Don't repeat their mistakes.

At the age of fourteen, a child should become a friend, and nothing else. I had one student - a very colorful personality. When he first came to my classes, I asked:

What's happened?

He says:

Yes, you see, I have a problem with my children.

What's the problem?

They don't listen to me at all. I tell them, but they don't listen. We've been at loggerheads for a long time. I turn to them, and they answer - get out of here, leave us alone.

I ask, how old are the children? I think ten and twelve.

And he answers:

Twenty five and twenty seven.

Listen, my friend, don’t you think that you are about twelve or thirteen years late with moral teachings?

How late were you? But I'm their father.

That's it, from the age of fourteen they should be your friends.

But we are already friends with them.

Look, you and I are friends. If I start teaching you, telling you what you should wear, what you should eat, how you should think, who to pray to, and the like, what will you do?

I'll send you!

That's how they sent you.

But they are my children!

No, you decide whether you are their friend or not.

And he worried for so long, then the man was released. He began to come to classes happy, because it turned out that his children were not as bad as he thought. He just started being friends with them. Just like he was friends with older men. According to the principle: if you want to know how you are doing, find out if you can help with something - help, they don’t ask you - shut up. And it turned out that his children are adults, with their own interests, quite normal, and they don’t send him anywhere else.

When your child turns fourteen, become his friend. If he is five years old, make sure he becomes a proper "learner." And if he was just born, do not forget that he is a “king”.

I am sometimes asked how these periods of parenting transition from one to the next. Won't the child be shocked that instead of a "king" he suddenly became a "student"?

Don't worry. This transition does not happen in two seconds - turn five years old - and bam, they immediately transferred to “students”. The transition period is maturing gradually. My child and I started becoming friends about a year before he turned fourteen. And I slowly prepared myself for this.

The problem is not with the child, the problem is with the parents. They need to not miss the right moment and not become dull. You have to tell yourself - that's it, the child is my friend. And I don’t check my friends’ diaries. I can’t lecture him and say something like that, because everything had to be said before the age of fourteen.

Comment on the article "How to communicate with a teenager over 14 years old? Like with a friend - but they don’t check friends’ diaries"

With a stranger - whatever. With your own child - as with your own child.

07.11.2017 18:59:04,

As long as these “friends” live in my house, eat in my kitchen and weekly demand pocket money, new jeans, balls and games, they will live by my rules!
He who pays calls the tune. (With)

07.11.2017 14:15:27,

Total 36 messages .

What happens to a child during adolescence

Adolescence refers to the period from 12 to 17 years. It is at this time that the child’s behavior sharply becomes contradictory, unpredictable and protest. The child’s physical and mental state, his attitude towards himself and the world around him change. The following aspects are undergoing the most dramatic changes.

Body. During adolescence, the bodies of boys and girls begin to actively produce sex hormones. Because of this, the growth and development of the child’s body is significantly enhanced. There is a sharp growth spurt, body proportions change, and puberty begins. A teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult.
Mood. Hormonal surges make a teenager's mood extremely unstable. It changes dramatically for no apparent reason. Joy instantly turns into resentment, euphoria gives way to rage. Not every adult can cope with such leaps.
Relationships with parents. Adults are frightened by the changes happening to their son or daughter. Many people do not understand how to behave correctly and begin to contradict themselves. On the one hand, they continue to tell the teenager what to do in a commanding tone (“sit down and do your homework,” “be home by 9,” “clean up your room,” etc.). And on the other hand, they begin to demand from him adult responsibility and independence (“at your age I was already a candidate for master of sports,” “think about your future yourself,” etc.).

The changes occurring in the child frighten parents. They don’t know how to react to their teenager’s defiant antics, his deliberate rudeness, and reluctance to communicate. But with such behavior the child tries to hide his weaknesses, cope with awkwardness and shyness. He strives with all his might to become an adult and independent.

Therefore, dear parents, it is normal for a teenager if he:

refuses to talk about his day at school;
began to spend more time in the company of friends;
asks not to enter his room without knocking on the door;
prohibits tinkering with his personal belongings (closet, briefcase);
began to study worse;
shirks from household duties;
often changes interests (trying to draw, then take photographs, then play the guitar, then write poetry and songs, etc.);
reacts too emotionally to your comments;
begins to keep a diary (mostly girls 13 years old and older).

The teenager is not doing this out of spite or to spite you. He’s just trying to get to know himself, form his personality, understand what’s happening to him. He no longer cares about school grades or parental approval. What becomes much more important is how he looks, what his status is in the team and how the opposite sex reacts to him.

So, dear parents, be patient and show miracles of wisdom to easily survive this difficult period together with your vulnerable, vulnerable and defenseless teenage child.

Remember yourself at his age: what you were interested in, what you dreamed of, who you were friends with and communicated with, how you spent your free time from school, how you studied at school. Try to feel that state again, at least a little, to experience those emotions. You were just like your teenager. You understand your daughter or son. This is the most important thing to understand in order to maintain a trusting relationship with your growing child. There is no need to go on the warpath with him, conclude a peace treaty and learn to communicate correctly.

Rules for communicating with a teenager

Your baby has grown up, he begins to demand respect for himself, and your authority is rapidly falling. Therefore, it’s time to learn the rules of communication with a teenager so as not to lose contact.

No moralizing or falsehood

To the routine question: “How are you?” thrown over your shoulder, you will receive, at best, the same routine answer: “Everything is fine!” This is no longer a 5-year-old kid who was ready to talk non-stop about everything: about his childhood affairs, plans, thoughts, dreams. A teenager's sincerity must be earned by showing him attention and respect.

In addition, most often, instead of words of support, adults rain down long moralizing lectures on the teenager, peppering it with phrases like: “But I’m your age...” or “You didn’t listen to me, so you’re suffering!” Agree that this completely discourages you from continuing communication.

Teenagers are very sensitive and vulnerable. They are angry with their parents for their selfishness, cold indifference, hypocritical moral teachings and sense falsehood very well. The child needs your support, not boring lectures.

To start a conversation, put your phone aside and close your laptop. Nothing should distract you. Look your daughter or son straight in the eyes with tenderness and love, but do not glare at him, otherwise he will suspect something is wrong. Be natural.

Don't interrogate with passion

Many teenagers withdraw into themselves and try not to tell their parents anything or ask them anything. A growing child tries to demonstrate his independence in this way. Prove to yourself and others that you can solve problems yourself. Although in fact during this period he needs his mom and dad even more than in childhood. But fearing misunderstanding from adults, he remains silent and does not ask for advice.

The worst thing you can do in this situation is try to force your daughter or son to talk to you, get angry at him, pester him with questions and surround him with annoying attention. You will definitely receive a heated rebuff. Tension between you will increase, and all this will result in conflict. Trust will be lost. Now he will definitely only go for advice to friends who already mean a lot to him.

Share your news and plans

You can talk to a teenager on almost any topic. Discuss with your son or daughter your boss, money issues, interesting incidents at work, etc. This will help you not only maintain contact with your child, but also unobtrusively educate him. By discussing various events with a teenager, you will be able to form the right opinion in him and express your positive and negative assessments. If as a child you read bedtime stories to your son or daughter, now move on to real life stories.

Share your plans with your teenager and ask him for advice. This way he will take an active part in your life, learn to make decisions and take responsibility for them, and empathize. Let your son help you choose a new phone, and your daughter help you choose an office outfit. Just be restrained in your assessments. You shouldn’t tear to smithereens what your child has chosen for you. Remember that a teenager is just learning to make decisions.

Learn to actively listen

“Communicate with the child. How?" – this is the name of the book by Soviet and Russian psychologist Yulia Gippenreiter. This is one of the most interesting books about parenting that I have read. One of the techniques proposed by the author is called active listening. It helps well in situations where a child behaves badly or does not comply with your request. This method is very effective when working with children from 4 to 10 years old. But it also works with teenagers. It is important that they hear you!

Instead of asking questions: “When will you finally clean your room?” or “Why don’t you listen to me?”, you just need to say your guess about the reason for bad behavior in an affirmative form.

To make it clearer, I will give an example. For example, a child refuses to clean up the room. Instead of questions and orders, you need to calmly say: “You don’t want to clean up because you’ve been asked a lot at school and you’re very tired.” If you have correctly identified the reason, your son will indignantly confirm this (“Oh, screw it! They asked so much that you don’t want anything at all! There were also 6 lessons”). Surprisingly, after a little time the teenager will still clean his room. He saw that you are not indifferent, you understand how difficult it is for him, and that means you love him.

If you didn’t guess the reason, and your son continues to lie calmly on the bed, ignoring your words, then wait a pause and express the next version of his reluctance to clean up.

When I read about active listening, I didn’t believe that this method worked. Then I decided to try it on my eldest daughter, who refused to put the toys back in their place. It worked! Now I always try to actively listen to my children, but not in order to force them to fulfill my request, but to understand the reason for disobedience and help them cope with it.

What to talk about with a teenager

It is much easier to communicate with a teenager if since childhood you have allowed him to talk about everything, reacted calmly and correctly and talked about yourself. Listen to your child more, give him the opportunity to speak out, and be sure to discuss the following points with him.

Himself. Be interested in the child’s condition not only when he is sick. A teenager’s body is developing rapidly, and many processes occur for the first time. Talk to your child about his well-being, behavior, dreams, goals, and physiological changes. About everything connected with him.
Relationships with the opposite sex and sex. He should learn about this from you, and not from friends “from the back alley.” Sex life will begin sooner or later, no matter how much you want it. You should not entrust education in matters of sexual relations and contraception to someone else, thinking that the teenager will somehow cope on his own and find out everything. Otherwise, it will be a shock for the mother to become pregnant with her daughter at 16 years old. Your task is to protect your child from possible problems and risks associated with the onset of sexual activity.
You. Didn't expect it? But in vain! It is during adolescence that a child stops idealizing his parents. Now he begins to evaluate them critically. Share your thoughts, doubts, mistakes with your teenager, talk about your good and not so good experiences. You are no longer an indisputable authority for the child. Now you can become either his best friend or his enemy.

A teenager is no longer a kid with whom you did everything together: walked, played, read, etc. Now your child is growing up, and he has his own interests, hobbies, and friends. He is becoming more and more independent. To continue to get along with your son or daughter, I suggest you follow these guidelines.

Become a role model

What could be better than a satisfied and successful parent?! Don't get hung up on the child. Find time for yourself and your interests. The atmosphere in the house will become calmer and friendlier, and your teenager will follow your example.

Accept your child for who he is and support him

Teenagers have many complexes related to their appearance. Don't laugh at him, just help him. Want to dye your hair? Take me to the hairdresser. Wants a tattoo? Invite him to make a temporary one. Any prohibition you make will be perceived as a signal to action. Both externally and internally he remains your child.

Knock on the room

This way you will let your son or daughter know that you respect his personal space. He will feel significant, which is very important in a difficult transition period.

Instead of blaming and reproaching, explain your feelings

For example, the usual: “You haven’t done your homework again!” replace with the phrase: “Your attitude towards studying upsets me.”

Don't raise your voice

Shouting is not an argument. On the contrary, when you scream, the teenager begins to feel that he is right, realizing that you have no arguments. Your menacing tone will make a stronger impression than a wild scream. Even if he is rude, don’t lose your temper! Maintain your composure at all costs. This is one of the most effective ways to help win an argument.

Apologize if you do mess up

When tension increases, it is best to disperse to different corners of the ring. Both the parent and the teenager will cool down, calm down and think about the situation. Well, if you couldn’t restrain yourself and you said too much, apologize. Learn to negotiate correctly.

Share his hobbies with your teenager

Now is your time to explore the wonderful world in which your son or daughter lives. Watch together youth TV series, sports competitions, listen to music that your child likes. Perhaps his tastes will seem wild to you, but remember yourself at this age. Did your parents share your interests? And also communicate with your child in instant messengers and social networks. In the virtual space, the conversation is easier, more relaxed and simpler than in personal contact.

Keep an eye on your child so you don't miss anything important.

Unfortunately, some parents are faced with the fact that their teenager becomes difficult, completely out of control, starts smoking, drinking alcohol, drugs, breaking the law by getting involved with bad company. Here you are unlikely to cope on your own. It is better to seek help from a psychologist. Better yet, try to avoid such situations. Another good reason to take a teenager to a psychologist is prolonged depression. He constantly sits in the room, is not interested in anything, does not know how. This condition can easily provoke suicide. This cannot be done without the help of a professional. Be sensitive and attentive parents! No one knows your child better than you!

I understand that there is a lot of information, and it is unlikely that you will be able to remember all these rules at once, so to reinforce the material, I advise you to also watch a video from a psychologist. She explains in a very interesting and accessible way the main points in communicating with teenagers.

Conclusion

Dear parents, if your child is already 12 years old and you feel that you are starting to lose contact with him, take immediate action. The tips I have given in this article will help you restore the lost good relationship with your growing child. Help your inexperienced, but very sensitive and intelligent little man overcome this difficult transition period. There is no need to become an additional source of stress for a teenager. He needs your love, attention and care!

Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thank you for that
that you are discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and the goosebumps.
Join us on Facebook And VKontakte

Every teenager is unique and experiences a period when everything in him changes: his body, feelings, self-awareness and attitude towards the world. Each requires a special approach, which does not allow creating a unique and effective communication recipe. However, a few simple recommendations will help parents improve their relationships with their children, and not lose the warmth and lightness that existed between them while their daughters and sons were small.

website I have collected tips that will support parents whose children are becoming teenagers.

1. Use your experience

We remember our teenage years, with all their troubles and doubts, which often unsettled us. And today in everyday life we can experience difficulties and be far from ideal. However, it is difficult for a child to imagine his parents like this if they do not share their experiences with him.

Of course, you shouldn’t tell a teenager something that will scare you, but completely avoiding discussing “adult” problems is the same as making him feel inferior. It is in such situations that we hear the common and truly sincere: “You don’t understand!”

2. Be on the same page

Communication will become much easier if parents help their teenager find a way to express himself. These can be interesting and even joint activities like drawing, reading, dancing, sports, etc. The main thing is that the child likes them. In a circle or section, he will meet like-minded people and improve his communication skills. The two generations will have many new topics to talk about and more ways to show their love and devotion.

4. Help you accept your changing body image

Ease of communication between parents and children is established long before the latter become teenagers. If you allowed your child to talk about everything, reacted normally and talked about himself in response, then when he becomes a teenager, communication will be much easier - tested by practice.

Less “friendly” adults can benefit from a very simple piece of advice: listen more often than you talk. Teenagers can say much more if we remain silent longer, giving them the opportunity to speak.

6. Allow children to be independent

Something happens to teenagers all the time, and often the response is anger, which spills out uncontrollably on those around them. Try to instill in your child normal ways of managing this difficult and sometimes cruel feeling. Many of these will be useful for adults too.

How to calm down:

Take another look at the problem - it may not be worth arguing or getting angry about.
Take a few deep breaths and count to 10. This gives yourself time to think before you say anything.
Go for a walk or take a break.
Conduct a short auto-training: “I need to calm down,” “I shouldn’t react like that,” “Now you can’t lose your temper,” etc.
Sometimes a completely different problem is hidden behind offensive words, but the child cannot ask for help directly.
Humor is a great way to calm anger. However, sarcasm can only add fuel to the fire.

How to resolve a conflict:

Try to calmly express your opinion about the problem; shouting is not a help in an honest dispute.
Ask your teen to tell him what he thinks about this. Listen carefully and try to read between the lines of his thoughts.
Discuss acceptable ways to solve the problem without fighting. Look for compromises.
Defend your position calmly. Don't give in on anything unless it's really important or necessary.

Being a parent is not easy, but you need to believe in yourself and try to support your child during adolescence. Much depends on this period in a person’s adult life, and we must help children cope with it and not lose the connection of love and friendship with their family. Perhaps you have your own thoughts on this matter? Share your invaluable parenting experience in the comments.