How children are born is fantastic. Imaginary friends, or Carlson syndrome

Some children tend to create imaginary friends for themselves who do not actually exist. Is this an innocent child’s invention, entertainment, or does it indicate serious psychological problems in a child? Should we sound the alarm, or is it better to let things take their course? Child psychologist Margarita Barsukova comments on the topic.

“All parents react differently to the fact that their child has an “invisible” friend,” says the specialist. “Some don’t pay any attention to this at all, others “play along,” and still others panic and start taking their children to psychiatrists...

Meanwhile, according to the psychologist, the presence of such non-existent “friends” always indicates certain problems in the child.

“Most often, children invent friends for themselves if they feel lonely,” says Margarita Barsukova. “They have no contact with peers and, most often, no contact with adults either. But there are also exceptions.

Let's say a child has real friends and peers, but for some reason the relationship with them does not satisfy him - for example, the child is teased, laughed at, and he invents a friend who always accepts him as he is, participates in his games and fun... As a rule, an imaginary friend is always favorably disposed towards a child, unlike real children.

It also happens that a child invents an adult friend for himself who always protects him, takes care of him - in a word, is an older and wise comrade... This may indicate that the child lacks precisely such relationships, he feels unprotected, is not confident in himself... Sometimes children invent such friends in order to raise their status in the eyes of their peers: after all, if someone older than you is friends with you, it means that you are worth something.

Sometimes children imagine "fans" of the opposite sex. Thus, the little heroine of Salinger's story "The Cluttered Paw" invents a boy, Jimmy, who eats with her at the same table and sleeps in the same bed. Alas, in real life relationships with the opposite sex do not work out or do not work out the way we would like. “Everyone is friends with boys (girls), but I’m not,” such a child reasons. So why not come up with a “groom” or “bride” who exists only in the imagination?

It happens that an imaginary friend turns out to be a magical creature, like a fairy or a gnome, or some cartoon character. This character fulfills the child’s wishes, the baby can even fantasize that he fulfilled it for him homework, cleaned the room or, on the contrary, misbehaved... In this way the child protects himself from reality, because it is much easier to shift all responsibility for one’s own actions onto someone else, especially an inhabitant of a fairy-tale world...

How to behave if your child has such a friend? Let's listen to the recommendations of psychologist Margarita Barsukova.

Try to ask as much as possible about this friend. For example, what is this friend’s last name, where does he live, what does he do, is it possible to meet him...

By the way, not always new friend turns out to be imaginary. For example, in the mystical series "Closed School" a little girl is friends with a "gnome", who is in fact a real person, just a freak... And at first everyone mistakes the little girl's stories for her fantasies.

Therefore, your task is to extract as much information from the child as possible that can be verified. After all, communication between children and strangers is not always safe. You should be especially wary if your baby calls an adult you don’t know his friend.

If a child talks to an invisible person in front of you, demands that he also be fed, put to bed with him, etc., you can play along with him, but within certain limits. So, you should not allow your child to communicate only with a friend. Try to distract him, read him a book, tell him a story, sit him down for homework.

You should not mock the baby or forbid him to communicate with his imagination. Then he will retreat even more into his imaginary world.

Remember that the presence of an imaginary friend always signals some kind of internal trouble. Try to pay more attention to your child, promote his contacts with peers - and sooner or later he will forget about his fantasies.

When a child makes new friends, one can only be happy for him. But how should parents react if the baby’s new friend is an imaginary one? Should I be concerned or is hanging out with imaginary friends normal for kids? These are simple games of rich imagination or psychological problems? Let's try to figure it out.

My new friend

Imaginary friends have been a topic of interest to psychologists and educators for several decades. It is worth noting that the number of children who have imaginary friends is very large. Almost every child made an invisible friend at least for a short period.

Parents may not know that the child is talking to an imaginary friend. And if they do find out, it usually happens by accident. For example, a daughter talks about playing in kindergarten with Masha. And these stories do not raise any doubts among parents. But if they want to meet their child’s friend, they find out that there is no Masha in the kindergarten. After questioning her daughter in detail, the mother finds out that Masha has a fluffy tail and sleeps on a rainbow.

Imaginary friends are not always children's peers. These can be fairy-tale characters, animals, adults and any fictional creatures. You can hear stories from a child about a friend who is 160 years old, or about a tiny pocket buddy.

Having an imaginary friend shouldn't scare parents. But how to react to this? Is it worth supporting children's fiction?

What to do if your baby makes an imaginary friend?

Under no circumstances should children be ridiculed or prohibited from communicating with imaginary friends. This will only lead to the child withdrawing, losing trust, but still continuing the ghostly friendship, only now he will try to keep it a secret. The right decision would be reasonable support for your baby. Be interested in the life of a fictional friend: who he is, where he lives, what he dreams about, what worries him. You will learn a lot about the experiences, dreams and worries of your own child. You shouldn’t inflate the topic of your imaginary friend by constantly thinking about him. Just let your child know that he can share all his thoughts with you.

By understanding the reasons for the appearance of imaginary friends, you can better understand your child and, if necessary, provide him with help. After all, a ghostly friend does not always appear due to a well-developed imagination.

Imaginary friends appear suddenly and can disappear just as unexpectedly. Friendship with invisible people can last for several years. This is common between the ages of 3 and 8 years. As a rule, by the time they enter school, children stop communicating with ghostly interlocutors.

Reasons for imaginary friendship

It is, of course, easier for a child with a rich imagination to imagine an invisible friend and even make friends with him. But sometimes a developed imagination only helps to create suitable conditions, and the reasons for the appearance of an imaginary friend in children are something else.

1. Lack of communication is the main reason for the appearance of imaginary friends. The child feels lonely and fills the void with an imaginary friend who can be trusted with all the secrets, play and chat. If the baby grows up without siblings or the age difference between them is too great, the likelihood of acquiring a ghostly companion increases.
2. A weak and defenseless baby needs a friend who can protect him. And he can create himself a defender and hero in his imagination.
3. Sometimes a child creates a friend for himself, onto whom he shifts the blame for his misdeeds. He can constantly scold and pull him back, imitating the behavior of adults.
4. An imaginary friend may appear in a difficult situation for a child. For example, the birth of a younger brother or sister can cause a range of experiences and, in order not to feel abandoned, the baby makes a friend. Such a tragic situation for children as the divorce of their parents often leads to psychosomatic disorders. But some children come to the aid of an imaginary friend who shares all the experiences of the baby and helps them cope with a difficult situation. A child who finds himself in a hospital without his parents may have an invisible friend who will support and help him.
5. Sometimes imaginary friends are called upon to motivate children and serve as an example for them. They can help you cope with anxiety and believe in yourself. Such an invisible friend serves as an example and ideal for the baby.

Imaginary friends disappear as soon as the child no longer needs them. But even knowing this, parents may feel worried: how much is the baby immersed in fantasy, and can he distinguish reality from fiction?

Reality or game

It is widely believed that the imaginary and real worlds get mixed up in children's heads. Indeed, imaginary images leave an imprint on the perception of the world.

As soon as you tell a five-year-old child that the floor is fiery lava, he will immediately try to climb up onto the chair with his feet. But if you ask him to imagine a blooming soft meadow instead of a floor, he will happily run through it. His behavior was based only on his imagination. Very often you can hear children's stories about things that never happened. Once heard stories or seen situations can leave such an imprint on the child’s perception that he will remember them as if it happened to him.

One might think that the work of the imagination obscures reality, confusing the real and the imagined. But this is not entirely true. It is the imagination that is worth thanking for the fact that we are able to distinguish the fictional world from the real world. After all, in order to imagine fictional pictures, it is necessary to be aware of reality.

While playing, the child holds a fantasy image and reality in his head at the same time. If a baby sits a toy bear at the table with him and feeds it by bringing a spoon with food, he knows for sure that the toy will not actually eat. The baby understands that feeding is pretend, that is, he is clearly aware of what is real and what is not.

The presence of an imaginary friend should not bother parents if it is unobtrusive in the child's life. But if the baby spends all the time with a ghostly friend, is very dependent on him and worries when they quarrel, it is worth paying increased attention to this issue.

Alarming symptoms

In some cases, a child's relationship with an imaginary friend can indicate his problems. And parents, having recognized the alarming symptoms, can help cope with the anxieties and worries of their child.

• If the baby’s communication with the invisible person copies the relationship between family members or the same motives are constantly present in it, it may indicate a problem that worries and worries the baby. Sometimes it’s not at all easy to understand a child’s experiences, then a psychologist can come to the rescue.
• If a child constantly scolds and punishes an imaginary friend, there is a high probability that he himself often finds himself in the place of the offender. Putting himself in the shoes of an adult, he tries to understand situations and relieve stress.
• If an imaginary friend is the baby’s protector and fulfills all his wishes, then it often turns out that the baby feels defenseless and does not know how to stand up for himself. Such a friend helps to take revenge on all offenders and creates a more comfortable imaginary world for the child.

Imaginary friends are of great benefit to a child. In addition to allowing the imagination to develop, they also promote the development of communication skills and help cope with the baby's anxieties and problems.

An imaginary friend in a child, according to many psychologists, is a common phenomenon. Inventing a friend for yourself before a certain age is considered absolutely normal. Experts associate this with the development of imagination and creativity in a young child.

By about three years of age, a child begins to actively fantasize and think. It is at this time that imaginary friends appear. A child can invent absolutely any creature, an invisible friend can be an animal, just a person, fairy-tale hero, a cartoon character or something completely non-existent.

When parents first learn about the appearance of an imaginary friend, they begin to worry and think that something is wrong with their baby. No need to panic. The child develops imagination. It is better to become interested in a new friend, his name, appearance, where he lives, what he likes to eat, etc. That is, you need to show participation.

Often an imaginary friend is also useful for parents. By asking a child about an imaginary friend, about his fears, desires, dreams, difficulties, parents can find out what worries the child himself. Children are not always able to express and even understand their desires, and through an imaginary friend, parents are able to learn about the child’s problems.

“A child should feel support from his parents: from the father - strength and protection, from the mother - care and affection. But if you brush your child off all the time, he will be less likely to turn to his parents with trivial problems. In the future, this can lead to the fact that the child will have nothing to talk about with his parents, nothing to entrust to them, because he is used to early years solve “your own problems” yourself and answer questions that arise, knowing in advance that mom and dad don’t have time for such nonsense.” (meduniver.com)

So, an imaginary friend is not a tragedy. But you need to know when to stop. If a child is friends and talks only with a fictional character, refuses to communicate with other people, if he is very worried about everything that happens to his fictional friend, if this makes him lethargic or too excited, irritable, whiny - the game should be stopped! For example, try to send a friend on a trip to his grandparents or on a long journey, in general, remove the character without a scandal. And this is the time to come up with a game for the child that he has not played before, an activity that can “switch” the baby.

In most cases, children forget about their fantasies already at the age of 7-8, when they begin to communicate a lot with their peers. The emergence of new acquaintances and new knowledge does not allow one to withdraw into oneself. The child appreciates and understands that communication with real friends is more dynamic and more fun than playing with himself.

According to child psychologists, if an imaginary friend does not disappear at this age, this is a clear sign of a lack of parental love in the child. The baby does not realize how much mom and dad need him, how valuable he is to them. It all depends on the parents, they must give the child the necessary attention, together with him go out of the fictional world into the real one, and fill the space remaining from the fictional world with their attention and communication. After all, the main thing is not how much, but how exactly to spend time with the baby. For example, play with your child for at least half an hour a day, and then discuss the game. It is very important to read to children at night. If the child is already a schoolchild, this is the help of parents in completing homework.

You shouldn’t be afraid to invent and fantasize with your child, you just need not to cross the line and be able to attract the child in time to the real world, which is no less amazing than the fictional one.

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We all know Carlson - the cheerful fat guy with a propeller from Astrid Lindgren's favorite children's fairy tale about little boy who dreamed of a puppy. This good-natured hero, who lives on the roof and visits the Kid when he is sad, is not as simple as many people think. In this magical story, the children's writer described the emergence child's imaginary friends.

Many mothers and fathers sound the alarm when they notice that their children are communicating with fictional characters. Experts consider this phenomenon to be another period in the development of a child’s personality. And yet, how should one treat such behavior of a child? How to react: try to convince or join the game? Let's answer all these questions.

Where do imaginary friends come from?

Invisible friends appear in children starting from the age of three or four, and can take various forms: a boy Zhenya and a girl Masha, a cheerful dog and a brave superhero. A favorite doll and even a plant can “talk”: “While I was in the kindergarten, the Flower got bored and asked to water it.”

Most often, a child’s imaginary friends arise due to the lack of real comrades. So in an unusual way the baby compensates for the lack of communication. It also happens that the baby has friends who are his own age, but with them he does not feel his own importance, but with an imaginary friend he can become a leader and a winner.

Another common reason is shifting the blame onto an invisible comrade for one’s many misdeeds. This is already a manifestation of the so-called Carlson syndrome, which occurs in children brought up in excessive severity.

Sometimes preschool children find support from imaginary friends, because the darkness and various monsters are not so scary together. The likelihood of such a “friendship” increases if the child is embarrassed to talk about fears or adults consider children’s fears to be frivolous.

What should parents do?

If one day Carlson flies to your child, first of all, do not panic. As this dear hero used to say: “Calm, only calm!” Our useful tips will help you respond correctly to your baby's imaginary friend.

1. You shouldn’t say that imaginary friends are a sign of mental illness, otherwise children will believe that they are not like everyone else. – this is an absolutely normal phenomenon.
2. You should also not suppress children's imagination; on the contrary, play along with the baby. Set a plate for an invisible comrade, make his bed, listen carefully to all the adventures with his participation.
3. And yet, do not initiate communication with a fictional character. Don't ask your child if his "friend" will go for a walk with you. Wait until your son or daughter remembers him and invites you to join the game.
4. Do not allow your child to shift the blame for his own misdeeds onto a friend. The preschooler must be held accountable for bad behavior, and you need to be reminded possible consequence. If the child still blames the naughty Carlson for the scattered toys, offer to clean the room with him.
5. It is important that your child communicates and interacts with other children as often as possible. And also diversify your child’s life with new experiences: walk in interesting places, visit exhibitions and the zoo, go to a puppet theater. Real impressions will gradually supplant imaginary friends.
6. Don't forget to pay more attention to the little inventor. Feeling of security and self-importance They will give you joint games, reading fairy tales, watching cartoons. Physical contact is also important - kisses and hugs bring parents and babies very close.
7. If a funny kitten or puppy, visible only to a child, has “settled” in your family, try replacing it with a real pet. This is probably how childhood dreams of a four-legged friend manifest themselves.

It's time to sound the alarm and call for help child psychologist in the following situations: the child is too dependent on an imaginary friend, confuses fiction and reality, and his fantasies are joyless, gloomy, and replete with cruel scenes.

However, in most cases, a child's imaginary friends are completely harmless. He will live with them for a certain period of time (usually up to 7-9 years), and then calmly let them go. And soon you will remember this interesting period of childhood with humor and nostalgia.

Content

Adults tend to believe only what they see with their own eyes or read in smart books. And when you talk about what really is, they make a worried face and suggest visiting a child psychiatrist.

The child lives in his own special children's world, where Carlson is a completely real character, like Miss Bok, where the mitten turns into a devoted puppy, and Cheshire cat disappears, leaving only a smile.

Imaginary friends appear in children around the age of three. This is not some kind of deviation, and is justified by the development of creative thinking and imagination in children. You need to take the appearance of such friends completely normally.

The reasons for making up imaginary friends vary greatly, but according to psychologists, in most cases, your child is trying to fulfill an unfulfilled wish or fill an emotional void. Some children make up friends when they feel sad or lonely. This is especially common among children without brothers or sisters. Other children come up with confidants to talk to when he is scared, an imaginary friend will cheer him up and support him. And someone can invent a friend for themselves as a “whipping boy” in order to shift all the blame for their own misdeeds onto him; in this way, children’s self-consciousness performs a protective function. Imaginary friends can even be somewhat helpful. They help resolve certain issues at a level accessible to him - from disappointment to anxiety. If your child told you that his imaginary friend hates him, then in this way he expresses his own anger, achieving emotional release. Children as young as one and a half years old often play imaginary games, and you may often notice your baby eating non-existent food or walking with an imaginary animal. At this age, children already have a sufficiently developed imagination to create an imaginary friend or situation. An imaginary friend will be very good company for your baby. Psychologists estimate the presence of imaginary friends in children at approximately 60%.

The culture of our country forces children with early age plunge into a fantasy world. These are the talkers soft toys, made like cartoon or fairy-tale characters. They surround the child long before he begins to talk.

An imaginary friend can be very diverse: a favorite toy endowed with human qualities, a friend who is not really there, but needs an extra plate during dinner or a blanket tucked in.
A friend can become strong like Superman, or weak and defenseless, in need of care and guardianship, or simply an ordinary boy or a girl to play with. In most cases, an imaginary friend is not necessarily a person, it can be some kind of animal. If you are faced with such a “problem”, do not rush to run to a psychologist. Your baby is simply very emotional and endowed with a rich imagination. To throw out all the accumulated emotions, he came up with a friend. Such a friend can be excellent material for diagnosis by parents. In the process of observing your baby as he communicates or plays with his imaginary friend, you can learn things that you didn’t even suspect. After all, such games reflect the internal problems of both children and families in general.

The problem of overprotection

Often the child experiences pressure from his parents. And these are not always punishments or prohibitions. Excessive guardianship will not leave room inside the child for his own “I” and will drive him into a corner faster than any violence. It is because of the excessive guardianship of adults that he “runs away” into a fantasy world with imaginary friends. Events can develop in two directions:

1. In an imaginary world, he can do everything that his parents forbid: have a puppy, eat jam with spoons, walk on the roof.
2. He plays the role of a parent and builds his behavior accordingly: he limits his imaginary friends, prohibits, punishes. In this case, his invention will make his friends helpless. This is a good example for parents: to look at themselves from the outside and draw the appropriate conclusion: the child needs understanding more than rules of behavior.

Guilt

Neurotic feelings of guilt are experienced not only by adults, but also by children. In order to relieve stress, children exist in an imaginary world with imaginary friends. Here the modality of punishment appears: the child can punish his imaginary friend (or tell how he was punished) or happily avoid punishment (it should have been, but something happened and everything turned out okay).

Lack of impressions

The first sign of a lack of impressions is that a child’s stories contain many adventures, fantasy worlds, and travels.

Even an adult gets tired of living in a constant cycle of home-work-home. After some time, we climb the wall, swallow antidepressants and turn to a psychologist. Unlike children, an adult has much more opportunities to break up the daily routine: go on a visit or to a club, surf the Internet and get enough of virtual communication, chat with friends live. All this is not available to your boy or girl; he is completely dependent on his parents. And many simply don’t think about the fact that a child’s life is also a routine: Alarm clock, kindergarten, identical toys, cartoons, dinner, potty and sleep. If mom reads a fairy tale about bedtime adventures, that's great. And in the morning it’s the same thing again: alarm clock, kindergarten... The only non-boring place is an imaginary world, where with imaginary friends you can get into any exciting adventure, so different from everyday gray life.
Do you remember where you went with your child last time, besides your own yard with broken carousels? The baby vitally needs new experiences, and once a week is not enough for him. A certain way out of the situation may be a kindergarten that operates according to a specific program, rich in many “events” that are significant for children. There are some “buts” here. As a rule, kindergartens operating under such a program are paid, which can be a problem for mothers on maternity leave, and on the other hand, such events require the presence of parents, which is difficult for working mothers. And besides, not many children can withstand a large number of impressions; as we know, excess is not very good.

The child is lonely

Very often, a child invents a friend for himself when he is lonely. For example, a brother or sister appears in the family and all the parents’ attention is switched to him. Or, as an option, absent-minded parents, more occupied with their thoughts than with their children. It also happens that he is simply shy and has a very difficult time getting along with people. Here we can only advise one thing - there should be more communication. Communication with the child, with other children with him, with other parents. It is necessary to help the child find common language with peers.

Repression

With his imaginary friends, the child fulfills his secret desires. This is the easiest option for diagnosis.

If, for example, an imaginary friend appears to protect your baby, it means that he may be feeling bad and is asking for protection and pressure relief. If the friend also promises to punish the offender, this is already repressed aggression - there is a reason to turn to a psychologist. There are, of course, simpler solutions: for example, a fictional dog can easily be replaced with a real one, and if a child is allergic to wool, you can always choose a hairless breed.

The worst option would be if the child tends to hide his imaginary friends. This suggests that he does not trust you or is afraid. Although there is a possibility that you simply did not notice the imaginary friend, and dear Pashka, who is present in all the child’s stories, is just a plastic toy.

How should you behave if your child starts talking about imaginary friends? The main thing here is no restrictions. You can even play along with him a little: listen to all the stories he tells, put an extra cup at dinner, take an interest in the affairs of his new friend. However, it is important to maintain the boundary between reality and fiction; the child, and not an imaginary friend, must be responsible for his actions: “Carlson broke the plate, but you will have to stand in the corner.”

Invented friends change as the child ages. At the age of two, he treats them like playmates. At the age of four, he can quarrel with an imaginary friend, proving his strength in new group kindergarten, for example. A six-year-old child can come up with a comrade to whom he will express his anger towards his parents or friends.

Very often, parents worry that communicating with imaginary friends takes their child away from reality. According to research by psychologists, this happens in very rare cases. Children experience emotions similar to the emotions an adult experiences when reading a book or watching a movie. The emotions themselves are real, but you always remember that there is reality, and these fantasies will not oblige you to anything.

By about age nine, imaginary friends should disappear. If this does not happen, you need to consult a psychologist. It is important to choose the right specialist; avoid charlatans who will make an incorrect diagnosis and prescribe a bunch of unnecessary psychotropic drugs. It is necessary to understand that when contacting a psychologist with children’s problems, he will work primarily with you, since the source of children’s problems is most often the parents.

In fact, it depends on the parents, more precisely on their presence next to the child, whether he has an imaginary friend. Some parents view an imaginary friend as a symbol of well-developed imagination and creativity. Some simply ignore them because they do not find time to communicate with their children. Many children are only glad that their parents pay attention to them, but they cannot allow themselves to be manipulated by an imaginary child. More precisely, you shouldn’t pay attention to him special attention, as long as he respects the rules established in your home.

Shifting responsibility. As a rule, a friend is invented in order to shift all responsibility for what he has done onto him. There is no reason to worry, in this case you just need to sit down next to him and explain to the baby that we will not help such a friend.

Friends for life. Many people believe that imaginary friends only exist for young children and preschoolers. However, this is not entirely true. Such friends will be present for several years. Children try to make an imaginary friend only their friend, so many parents don’t even know about them.

Having an imaginary friend does not mean that the child has any problem. If he is healthy and feels good in reality, then there is no reason to believe that imaginary friends are a deviation.

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