Exploring your tendencies
Every person by nature or predominantly passive or predominantly aggressive. This predisposition is similar to a computer characteristic called "default" that is, programmed to automatically select a certain option until it is changed by a conscious decision. Let us consider in more detail the manifestations of this phenomenon.
Types of behavior
Both passive and aggressive types of behavior have distinctive characteristics. In order to gain self-confidence, you need to understand the differences between them.
Passive type of behavior
A person predisposed to a passive type of behavior tends to suppress his desires and not use freedom of choice. He usually submits to the will of others and does not defend his own interests.
For the most part, passive people try to avoid unpleasant situations, but when faced with aggressive behavior they can become unbalanced. In response to aggression, behavior due to fear of aggravating the situation of a passive person, as a rule, becomes even more passive.
Communicating with such a person can be difficult, because others do not understand what he really wants. For example, to the question “What will you drink, tea or coffee?” he usually answers, “I don’t care.” People prone to passive behavior believe that inertia is the best fit for their desire to avoid solving problems and avoid disputes. Anything that is not a priority task seems too insignificant to them and is not worth the effort in their opinion.
Aggressive type of behavior
A person predisposed to an aggressive type of behavior is irritable and does not hesitate to enter into conflict if something goes against his plans. Aggressive behavior fuels his energy and assertiveness, but is usually perceived negatively by others. He may get his way, but at too high a cost, or achieve nothing, because others, feeling that they are being looked down upon, usually refuse to cooperate with him.
The difficulty of communicating with an aggressive person can be explained by the fact that others do not always understand that his aggression is not directed against them personally, but to achieve a goal. The dissatisfaction of the “aggressor” is too noticeable, because his behavior is characterized by lack of restraint. It seems to him that absolutely everything, even the most insignificant situations, requires his energetic intervention.
One of the ways to become more self-confident is to change the behavior patterns inherent in nature. You will say that the acquired behavior will look unnatural in the eyes of others, because it is not typical of your nature. But in any case, it will remain within the limits of the temperament given to you by nature - passive or aggressive.
Behavior adjustment
Predisposition to a particular type of behavior can be adjusted by strengthening or weakening certain character traits. As a result of such correction, assertiveness arises - firm self-confidence with a sense of self-esteem.
To do this, you need very little - to improve your involuntary reactions and inclinations. The newly acquired behavior will operate as follows.
Passivity turning into assertiveness
People who tend to be passive will find that there is no need to go against their nature. All they need is to be stronger, stop worrying about what others think, and speak up about their wants and needs without hesitation.
A small correction of passive behavior will allow you to act actively - to solve problems, rather than avoid them. Confidence will give you courage, and you will be able to express thoughts that you would never have dared to express before, and even get what you have always dreamed of.
Aggression turning into assertiveness
A person who is more aggressive than passive will have to soften his natural assertiveness. Correcting aggressive behavior will allow you to find that it makes it easier to achieve your goal, because your new behavior has become less annoying to others. At the same time, you should not completely give up active actions. Thus, assertive behavior will pacify your impetuosity without causing displeasure and anger in others.
The general criterion in both cases can be considered the requirements of others. Passive people should think less about the desires of others and pay more attention to their own desires. Those who are prone to aggressive behavior should think less about themselves and take into account the demands of others.
Benefits of Assertive Behavior
Strong self-confidence provides the key to the ability to improve in any area of life and is especially pronounced in difficult situations, in communication with smart and knowledgeable people. Softening (if you are aggressive) or strengthening (if you are passive) behavior will help you without unnecessary problems:
v to motivate people to take action or change their behavior without causing rejection or hostility on their part;
v refuse something without offending others;
v expressing one's own (possibly unpopular) opinion in such a way that it is perceived favorably, even if others hold diametrically opposed views.
It can be added that confidence will help you develop and improve effective communication with other people. You will find that any situation works for you if:
v give compliments and receive them; they will give confidence to both you and those around you;
v encourage people to communicate, then your pleasure from this process will greatly increase;
v express approval of the ideas and actions of others, rather than keeping your feelings to yourself. Thanks to this, you will be able to establish feedback with your interlocutor;
v admit your shortcomings. This is common to all self-confident people.
Assertiveness creates equality in relationships between people, the necessary flexibility in behavior to overcome difficulties, and leads to success.
Drawing conclusions
To develop assertive behavior, it is necessary first of all to slightly change the natural reactions to certain circumstances. Regardless of whether you are passive or aggressive by nature, assertiveness will balance the extremes of character and help you find a middle ground between them. It will “pacify” aggression and “spur up” inertia.
Assertiveness is not a goal, but a means to achieving it. This is the most effective way to express your intentions and take communication to a whole new level.
Ask yourself
Analyze your usual behavior and answer the following questions.
If you are passive by nature:
^Are you trying to avoid a situation that threatens to become unpleasant?
^Would you like to express your opinion with more confidence?
If you are aggressive by nature:
^Do you tend to do everything your own way without taking into account the interests of others?
^ Do you want to learn how to influence people without hurting their feelings?
For both types of behavior:
^ Do you want to learn how to refuse people's requests without feeling the need to make excuses?
^ Do you strive to ensure that your relationships with people give greater returns?
If you answered yes to some questions, you need to deliberately work on your character.
Everything will work out if...
Understand that in order to become a confident person, you do not have to go against your nature;
Make a firm decision and adjust your natural behavior;
Realize that strong self-confidence (assertiveness) will help you find the right solution in a difficult situation;
Realize that as you become more confident, you will enjoy life more;
To wish to develop in yourself such skills and such an outlook on things that are necessary for a self-confident person.
Human behavior in society is a complex concept that reflects the interaction of a particular person with other people. This concept reflects a person’s reaction to events, situations and the behavior of other people. Any type of human behavior is based on a person’s needs to communicate with society, interact with people in order to achieve their goals.
Psychologists divide human behavior in society into 3 types: aggressive, passive, and assertive. At the same time, a person can change the type of behavior if he wants to change. Most often, a person has one type of behavior that predominates, which helps him get through difficulties and resolve conflicts. Let's look at each type of human behavior.
Aggressive behavior
Aggression is behavior in which a person chooses methods to achieve results that violate the rights of other people. An aggressive person imposes his beliefs and does not take into account the interests of others. Aggressive behavior requires great emotional effort and energy.
This behavior is typical of people who like to take control of everything. Relationships with other people are built on negativity. Typically, people with aggressive behavior are insecure and weak-willed individuals whose goal is to humiliate other people in order to become better and more confident against their background.
Passive behavior
Passivity is behavior in which a person sacrifices his interests and allows others to violate their rights. A passive person does not publicly express his thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. He constantly apologizes, makes excuses, speaks quietly and uncertainly. They put other people's interests above their own beliefs.
Most often, passive people accept the role of the Victim and feel helpless and weak. Passive behavior, like aggressive behavior, is a sign of self-doubt. But, unlike aggressive behavior, a passive person does not take responsibility for his actions. He gives the right to other people to make decisions for him, even if he is absolutely sure that this decision will cause harm.
Passive behavior is based on fear of life's difficulties, fear of making decisions, fear of standing out from the crowd and fear of responsibility.
The goal of passive behavior is to prevent any conflict at the stage of its occurrence, as well as to make one’s life easier by shifting responsibility to others.
Assertive behavior
Assertiveness is the expression of your thoughts and emotions directly and confidently. Assertiveness is a behavior characteristic of self-confident people. This is the “golden” mean between aggressive and passive behavior.
An assertive person is able to defend his rights and solve life’s difficulties, without entering into conflict. He knows what he needs and speaks about it openly; he can easily refuse another person in a situation where it is necessary. An assertive person respects himself and the opinions of other people, but at the same time he does not depend on the opinions of others.
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I wanted the best, but it turned out as always. How often do we fall for the bait? behavioral stereotypes and we pay a big price for it! But it’s no secret that everything that happens to us in everyday life depends on our behavior. Want change your life- change yours perception of the world and behavior, getting rid of bad habits that poison your existence.
Many people are completely unfit for life precisely because they choose the wrong type of behavior. By suffering themselves, such people make those around them suffer. A negative style of behavior pushes people away from each other, which makes them complete losers, destroying both their careers and personal lives.
No one is immune from mood swings that occur for various reasons. Often, according to a thumbnail pattern, you want to choose the most “poisonous” style of communication with a person, finally aggravating an already problematic situation. But people engaged in self-development can control the processes occurring in their minds and behave balancedly even in the most difficult cases. Our task is to learn to gain the upper hand over habitual, disastrous behavior patterns, transforming them into a positive way. This way, any difficulties will recede, giving way to good emotions and allowing wonderful events to happen.
The most common behavior patterns that ruin your life
- You're jealous (jealous)
This is very common lack of behavior, falling into the trap of envy is a piece of cake. It acts destructively - your life begins to seem like hell to you, you see only the bad and become deeply unhappy. In order not to fall under the influence of envy, it is important to remember that you should compare yourself today only with the person you were yesterday. You are your own main rival and judge, and the lives of other people cannot be a measure for your own. Become a better person and don't compare yourself to others.
© DepositPhotos - You take everything too personally
Yes, we are all selfish, that's a fact. Healthy selfishness is even necessary for all of us. However, taking everything personally is stupid. You will get rid of many frustrations and anxieties when you understand that people have no intention of offending or humiliating you, that their statements often have nothing to do with you at all. Take care of your heart and ignore other people’s opinions, it’s much easier to live this way.
© DepositPhotos - You're playing the victim
Stop complaining! Very often people slow themselves down, constantly feeding their sense of sacrifice and suffering. Once you realize that your life is in your hands and you have enough strength to correct any situation, things will go well. Control events and don’t lose heart, you have the resources to cope with everything.
© DepositPhotos - You accumulate pain and losses
Learn to let go of the past. What was no longer has power over you. Stop remembering unpleasant moments and rummaging through negative events, reliving them. Move on, burning bridges in your memory, so you will feel more complete, you will have more strength to build your happy present.
© DepositPhotos - You're a pessimist
Seeing everything in a bad light is a real punishment. So bad things seem even more terrible, and all the brightest things are denigrated and spoiled. People feel uncomfortable being around a person who sees only flaws in everything. Change character of thinking To be optimistic, this needs to be done right now. The result will not take long to arrive - optimism will give you the strength to become better and more successful.
© DepositPhotos - You don't control your emotions
Losing your temper at people around you over every little thing is completely undignified behavior. Curb your attacks of anger or tearfulness, and it will become much easier for you to manage events. Sometimes it takes a specialist to learn how to cope with yourself, but it's worth it. Become restrained and your life will become harmonious.
© DepositPhotos - You judge other people
It doesn’t matter at all why you are used to judging, whether it is imposed stereotypes or a sense of self-importance. Next time, before you judge someone else, think about why you are doing this. You don’t know what prompted another person to do certain words and actions; you cannot see the root of the problem from the outside. Don’t waste your energy on judgment from others and frustration, use it more rationally.
© DepositPhotos - You are a cruel man
Cruelty is the scourge of our time, sympathy has become such an unpopular phenomenon. But to be cruel is to hit yourself first, this is a very powerful and destructive emotion. Let's hope that in the future humanism and empathy will take over the world, but for now everyone must build a church of humanity within themselves. To be healthier, happier and more fun - be kinder.
© DepositPhotos - You deceive others and behave immorally
A holistic personality must be consistent. If they trust you, justify the trust! Don't stoop to actions that you might regret later, even if no one knows about it. Honesty and decency give a feeling of incomparable happiness.
- You're playing someone else's role
When a person cannot distinguish a mask from his face, he is deeply unhappy. A false personality has never given anyone joy. Always be yourself, you are valued exactly as you are. Each of us is beautiful and we all have our uses in this vast world. Be confident, be authentic, and others will appreciate it.
© DepositPhotos - You're constantly waiting for approval
The meaning of life It’s not about always looking good in someone else’s eyes. It is very exhausting for those around you if you are always trying to win them over to your side and earn a positive assessment. Enjoy everything that happens and don’t expect any grades, the schoolboy complex will never help you become happy.
© DepositPhotos - You try to do everything perfectly
Perfectionism in itself is not bad, but the desire to fit everything to blind ideal standards is unhealthy. Of course, you want to become better and choose the best. But in pursuit of illusory ideals, you can lose so much beauty! What seems the best today will be destroyed tomorrow under your smoldering gaze and turn into dust. Don't strive for unattainable ideals estimate wisely everything around you and put your soul into everything you do.
© DepositPhotos
We all have our own skeletons in our closet that need some work. Don't be discouraged if you realize how much more there is work on yourself ahead. The main thing is to understand what you need to strive for and to endure any difficulties with a positive attitude. Remember, more depends on you than you think. Take responsibility for yourself and your behavior and reap the benefits of experience and success.
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The formation of behavior is determined by the ability of an individual to change his own actions under the influence of external factors, external conditions of the situation. Behavior is characterized by enormous adaptive potential, allowing a person to avoid the negative influence of the environment.
Types of behavior
The following types of behavior are distinguished:
- Aggressive behavior is a specific form of personal behavior, characterized by a demonstration of superiority with the use of force in relation to another, and the desire to cause damage. The degree of intensity of aggression can vary from demonstrations of ill will, hostility, verbal aggression to physical aggression, violent acts;
- Deviant, deviant behavior represents a system of actions and actions of an individual that contradicts the moral and legal norms accepted in society. The main forms of deviant behavior are crime and immoral, non-criminal behavior;
- Mediated behavior– actions directed not by impulses, wishes of the individual, but by rules, norms and requirements;
- Field behavior– the subject’s orientation towards situationally significant objects, in contrast to the orientation towards achieving a set goal, a set of reactions, impulsive responses to the stimuli of the surrounding reality;
- Sexual behavior– forms of interaction between individuals motivated by sexual need; an important component of personal, family and social life.
Antisocial behavior
Of great interest to modern researchers is antisocial behavior, which is defined as the inability of an individual to establish strong social relationships, unwillingness to adhere to accepted norms, the rules of society, lack of loyalty to others, lack of desire to comply with one’s duties to them, lack of guilt for unseemly actions.
The main forms of manifestation of antisocial behavior are the following:
- avoidance of academic and professional activities;
- vagrancy, leaving home;
- consumption of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc.;
- antisocial selfish actions (theft, extortion, etc.);
- antisocial actions of a sexual nature (vandalism, aggression, fights, etc.);
- "telephone terrorism";
- suicidal behavior.
Suicidal behavior is one of the forms of manifestation of antisocial behavior, a complex phenomenon that arises under the influence of a combination of psychiatric, psychological, and social factors.
Criteria for antisocial behavior
Diagnostically significant indicators of antisocial behavior, which make it possible to identify the formation of antisocial forms of behavior at the early stages and provide appropriate psychological assistance, include the following:
- lack of positively oriented life plans and professional intentions;
- indiscipline, lack of consciousness in relation to professional or academic activities;
- lack of interests, hobbies, hobbies;
- inadequate attitude towards pedagogical influence;
- lack of skills to adequately assess the actions of others;
- lack of skills of adequate reflection and self-reflection;
- insensitive, inattentive attitude towards others, lack of empathy;
- lack of independence, susceptibility to negative influence from others, inability to overcome problematic and conflict situations;
- lack of culture of external behavior;
- the presence of bad addictions and habits.
1. Inequality error - people tend to overestimate the qualities of their partner if he clearly surpasses them in one thing that is important to them.
2. Error of aesthetic expressiveness - the external attractiveness of a partner determines the positive assessment of all other aspects of his personality.
3. Attitude error. Changing the assessment of the qualities of other people depending on our disposition or disposition towards them.
4. Error due to the distorting influence of a stereotype. Each person is a representative of the social environment in which his individual experience was formed. He most often uses the general standards of assessment characteristic of this environment to evaluate others.
Mistakes of this kind are made if a person does not try to comprehend his impressions and the opinions of others regarding his partner. This is a confirmation of folk wisdom about the fallacy of first impressions.
Possible mistakes in understanding the behavior of another
1. The explanation of the cause of behavior depends on whose actions (one’s own or the actions of another) are being explained: the “Observer” often explains the reasons for the behavior of another by the “internal conditions” of the one who acts, and the “Doer” is inclined to nod at the circumstances. For example, when assessing an underperforming student, the teacher talks about a lack of ability, and the student talks about a lack of free time.
2. The “observer”, who is outside the situation of the behavior of the other, tends to overestimate the internal capabilities of the “doer”.
3. When explaining the reasons for certain actions of another, the “observer” highlights some points that lie on the surface and does not notice others. This mistake is a consequence of uncritical use of one's past experience.
4. When explaining the actions of another, the teacher takes as a standard the type of behavior that he himself implements, overestimating its prevalence and commonness.
As can be seen from the description of these errors, they arise as an obstacle to mutual understanding if two people are on opposite sides of the boundary of the situation - one “inside”, the other “outside”. They are much less common if both partners are included in a single situation of joint activity, that is, their behavior becomes interdependent.
Conflict
If a student does not behave as the teacher would like, does not fulfill his requirements immediately and irrevocably, this is, first of all, indignant. The resulting feeling of discomfort gives rise to the desire to quickly eliminate its source according to the elementary law of self-preservation. And then, almost automatically, the usual way of reacting is activated - to achieve one’s goal at all costs. How important it is to have a well-trained “brake”, an internal “stop signal”. If it is not there, the teacher becomes a prisoner of his negative emotions, which means that at this time he ceases to be a teacher, since at this moment he begins to achieve only “victory,” that is, obedience - at any cost, just to insist on his own! To eliminate your discomfort! How often do years-long fights between educators and their pets begin with such minor incidents! Sometimes they are colored by undisguised mutual hatred.
So, conflict...
Many educators probably know that psychologists distinguish between internal (intrapersonal) and interpersonal conflicts.
Intrapersonal conflict is characterized by a contradiction between the most significant tendencies of the personality of adolescents. In this case, self-esteem necessarily suffers, which leads to the experience of emotional distress. Internal conflicts are even useful for the development of personality if they are resolved in a timely and successful manner. Independent resolution of one’s own internal conflict is not available to every adult, much less is it accessible to students.
To successfully resolve the conflict, assistance is needed, which the teacher is able to provide. For this purpose it is recommended:
1. Help the student realize which of his tendencies are in conflict.
2. Provide tactful assistance to the student in realizing that it is this tendency that needs correction.
3. It is imperative to restore the student’s emotional well-being.
4. To do this, it is necessary to restore shaken self-esteem and affirm it, but on a different basis.
5. Self-esteem should be made more “adult”, more rational.
6. To save self-esteem, you should avoid external, interpersonal conflict or resolve it if it has already matured.
7. The level of aspirations should not be reduced, but qualitatively changed, brought into line with the capabilities of the individual. This requires developing his self-understanding.
Interpersonal conflict is one of the main manifestations of neurosis. Neuroticism of adolescents, as well as children in general, is usually caused by their closest elders - parents and teachers, that is, those who, in essence, have a social role to absorb the harmful effects of the environment on the developing personality, to transform its negative influence into a positive one.
Even today, within the walls of some educational institutions, there is a misconception about students: “They don’t understand words!”, “They can’t help but have a stake on their head.” This is how pedagogical impotence and spiritual callousness and insensitivity are usually expressed. A child cannot refute an adult, cannot protect himself from him. Under the weight of reproaches and accusations, a sensitive child loses activity and slows down, and the adult thinks that he is “insensitive.” The inhibited state of a teenager is an involuntarily activated protective inhibition in order to prevent the continuation of influences that are destructive to the psyche. That is why these “inhibitory reactions” should always be taken into account as an indicator of the teacher’s intolerance for the student.
Another feature of interpersonal conflict is that it becomes the cause of that intellectual deficiency, which many teachers mistake for mental retardation. The fact is that if the teacher has not noticed the student’s state of inhibition and continues to reinforce it, then it becomes habitual. Subsequently, this leads to the transfer of this method of response to other types of psychological difficulties. A picture of mental retardation is created, as learning is making little progress. The teacher habitually shouts, the child habitually remains silent... and he is either transferred to a auxiliary educational institution, or they stop teaching him and he “moves” from class to class, from group to group without knowledge, untrained in anything. Thus, conflict gives rise to pedagogical neglect.
In addition, a conflict between a teacher and a student can cause a loss of volitional impulse, a delay in the development of age-appropriate traits, and a blockade of independence, even in students with good intelligence.
To prevent conflict from arising, we must strive to comply with the following rules:
1. Acknowledge each other.
2. Listen without interrupting.
3. Demonstrate understanding of the other's role.
4. Find out how the other perceives the conflict, how he feels about it.
5. Clearly formulate the subject of discussion.
6. Establish common points of view.
7. Find out what separates you.
8. After this, describe the content of the conflict again.
9. Look for common solutions.
10. Adopt a general “communique”.
In educational practice, a teacher often has to make comments to his students. However, their response varies, from accepting the comment to outright rudeness. So that the teacher can avoid unpleasant situations that often lead to conflict, the following rules are proposed:
1. In your comments, discuss the student's specific action, not his personality. Keep your ideas about him as a person to yourself.
2. Talk about your observations, not your thoughts about what you saw.
3. A more effective remark is in the form of a description of what was seen. To do this, it is necessary to present narratively what you saw, and then such narratively what should have taken place from your point of view.
4. It is best to discuss recent actions without returning to past and unresolved claims.
5. It is more effective to formulate advice in the form of some expectations about the student’s possible behavior, in the form of providing some information about options for action. For example, the type: “I expected you to come to my lesson or at least to inform me that you were called to the police.”
6. Without trying to influence the student with words and emotions. The main thing is to help understand how his actions are perceived by others, one of whom is you.
7. It makes no sense to talk about something that a person cannot influence at this time. It's better to discuss what can be fixed.
8. It is necessary to take into account the time, place and form in which the act is condemned. An unsuccessfully chosen situation or method of presentation can bring harm, rather than benefit, to the student’s personality.
9. Be sure to remember that a large percentage of success depends on whether you can respect yourself and your student and whether you want him to understand you.
Due to the nature of his work, a teacher often has to resolve conflicts among students in order to normalize relationships in the team. To this end, we suggest paying attention to two points. Firstly, how to identify the participants in the conflict before the whole class (group) has entered into it, and, secondly, what typical mistakes are made by students when discussing a conflict. So, the student, if he is in conflict, produces the following:
the interest of a hardworking and active student noticeably decreases;
the student becomes critical (aggressive and grouchy);
the “temperature” of its reaction rises. He defends himself even when no one attacks him;
the student is often in a bad mood and refuses to communicate;
the student makes many more rare mistakes than usual, becomes inattentive, and loses the ability to concentrate;
cases of absenteeism are increasing;
Various “accidents” are becoming more frequent.
Mistakes in discussing conflict
1. The student puts forward his own mistake as another’s mistake.
2. The student does not fully disclose his needs.
3. When discussing, the student takes a “fighting stance” - fidgeting.
4. The student goes on the defensive.
5. The student’s behavior when discussing a conflict is dictated solely by tactical considerations.
6. To prove that he is right, the student uses the knowledge of his partners’ vulnerabilities.
7. The student recalls old grievances.
Since this behavior of students does not contribute to resolving the conflict, the teacher must decisively stop it.
One of the common causes of conflicts between teachers and students is criticism. Students do not like criticism: after it, as a rule, they are drawn to act “out of spite”, “to populate”, since they believe that their dignity is being violated.
We offer you the following rules of criticism that will allow you to avoid conflict.
1. Criticizing a student at a meeting or simply in the presence of other people should only be in exceptional cases, when all other measures of individual influence have been tried.
2. Criticism must be correct and not infringe upon the dignity of the individual. A public “execution” can undermine a student’s self-confidence. After it, he may “not rise.”
3. It is advisable to use criticism in combination with a positive assessment. Abuse of criticism and swearing is a sign of a primitive teacher.
4. You can criticize if you have emotional contact with the student in question, if he trusts your competence, goodwill, and integrity.
5. One must be most wary of overdoing criticism. a student, like any person, gets used to everything, including criticism. If you accustom him to strong, harsh condemnation, you will subsequently have to intensify the pressure each time - otherwise it will not be possible to “get through” him. Therefore, such comments are good in which the minimum force of condemnation is heard, which is necessary and sufficient for the correction of a person.
6. It is appropriate to talk only about those shortcomings and mistakes of the student that you saw with your own eyes, the existence of which can be easily proven. Any person does not like to be criticized based on hearsay.
7. When criticizing a student, you cannot compare him with other members of the team who do something better. Contrasting students as “good” and “bad” divides the team.
8. When preparing for public criticism, it is important to take care of mobilizing like-minded people and allies. If negative assessments of the actions of the criticized person do not receive support from other students, criticism does not provide tangible benefits.
9. Criticism should be conducted from the perspective of the interests of the case.
10. All students should be criticized if they have the same shortcomings.
Relationships
Each teacher has accumulated certain life and professional experience in interacting with students, their parents and colleagues. But despite this, conflicts recur from time to time, relationships are difficult, and often fail at all. To prevent this from happening, you need to learn to analyze your experience and interact, first of all, with yourself. To do this you need:
Treat your subjective experience with great confidence, try to understand your experiences and feelings that arise from communicating with the world;
Learn to experiment with yourself - look for new, most successful ways of behavior, assessment, judgment; don’t be afraid to ask yourself questions;
Search in the surrounding reality for information containing feedback - external signals about the consequences of one’s own actions in the form of reactions and feelings of others;
Be able to consciously make choices and apply decisions about the way you behave and think;
Analyze your achievements and failures, trying to honestly understand the reasons for both;
Persistently and tirelessly learn to observe yourself during your actions, trying to control your thoughts and actions.
In order to get to know your students better, you should first try to answer:
Which student enjoys the greatest respect and popularity among his peers? Why? Indicate personal qualities;
Which student is the least popular? Why? Describe his portrait;
name the biggest “maverick” in the class;
try to identify groups of students who have closer relationships. Note to yourself what can connect them?
If the proposed questions cause difficulties, observe students during lessons and outside of class hours. In doing so, pay attention to the following points:
1. What are the students’ postures? Who is in a “position of social superiority”, who is the “leader”? What does this mean? Are there any children among your students who feel awkward, who are in tense and unnatural positions? what caused this from your point of view?
2. What is the distance between the children gathered or in the room? Who forms the “small groups”? Which of the guys is not included in any group, is lonely? And which group is he closest to?
3. Observe external means of contact between the guys. Who exchanges glances most often? Who is the first person greeted by incoming people? Is it the same for everyone?
If there is a practical psychologist in the educational institution, the teacher can turn to him for help in obtaining a more reliable picture of student relationships, which he can compare with his own notes.
For successful communication with students, it is useful to know how much your opinion coincides with the students’ opinion about your interaction. This can also be found out by contacting a practical psychologist. For those who do not have a practical psychologist, we offer the following exercises...
In the characteristics proposed below, the teacher must honestly choose the part of the statement that most suits you. If this is the first part of the statement, put it against the characteristic number (+), if the second (-). When you are done estimating, count the number (+) and the number (-). Now, having mustered up the courage, invite the students to do the same to you. It is necessary that this procedure remains anonymous, otherwise you may get a distorted picture. Therefore, prepare a sheet of characteristic numbers for each student, and all they have to do is put a sign. Calculate the arithmetic average of the group's results and compare it with how you assessed yourself. You can conduct a similar analysis on individual issues. In any case, this is material for reasoning about yourself. So, during the lesson you:
| 1. Friendly | Unfriendly |
| 2. Stimulate initiative, allow the expression of your own opinion, free behavior | Do not tolerate objections, your own opinions, free demeanor, keep students under strict control at all times. |
| 3. Interested and active | Indifferent, “on your own mind.” |
| 4. Don't be afraid to openly express your feelings; show your shortcomings | You think first of all about prestige, and try at all costs to live up to your social role. |
| 5. Dynamic, flexible in communication, easily covering and resolving emerging problems. | You fail to notice emerging conflicts in time; it is easy to change your behavior in this regard. |
| 6. You are polite and friendly with students, respect their dignity, build your communication depending on their individual characteristics | Communication is the same with everyone, maintaining the distance “I am the teacher” - “You are the student.” |
| 7. You can put yourself in the student’s shoes and look at the conflict through their eyes. | It is important to affirm your point of view; do not consider yourself obligated to seek mutual understanding with students. |
| 8. Active, always in communication with students | Passive, let communication take its course |
To determine your objectivity in communication, we recommend analyzing your interaction style. To this end, observe your own behavior with various students according to the following scheme:
1. How many times a day do you address your “favorite” and “unloved” student?
2. What is the nature of these appeals? (complaints, comments, criticism, encouragement, praise, support, instructions).
3. How many times did you engage in a detailed conversation with both students?
4. On whose initiative did the conversation begin?
5. What is the type of conversation-conversation? (only you speak, the student listens and answers questions, the student speaks, you sometimes express your point of view, you and the student actively exchange opinions).
For analysis, it is better to select students with whom you most seem to have a definite relationship. It is better to arrange the classification points in the form of a table and count the number of emotionally negative and emotionally positive appeals to each of the students. Compare the numbers. Count the number of calls to you from both students and to them from you. Compare. Now, when communicating with an unsympathetic student, try to consciously control those moments of interaction that you analyzed.
In the practice of observation it often happens like this: sometimes it is more important to feel than to understand, and sometimes you can only understand by feeling. And at the same time, facial expressions are important.
Facial expressions are one of the specific signs that our feelings use to express themselves. Or rather, the absolute master of both facial expressions and feelings is a person, but only one who knows how to control himself. Mastering the language of facial expressions is an important component of the art of communication. And although three-quarters of human communication consists of speech, everyone is well aware of situations when “words are not needed.”
Mastery of facial expressions is necessary not only for an actor, but for almost any person, especially a teacher. Facial expressions are an excellent indicator of emotion:
1. Surprise - raised eyebrows, wide open eyes, downturned lips, slightly open mouth.
2. Fear - eyebrows raised and drawn together above the bridge of the nose, eyes wide open, corners of lips downturned, lips stretched to the sides, mouth may be open.
3. Anger - eyebrows are lowered, wrinkles on the forehead are curved, eyes are narrowed, lips are closed, teeth are clenched.
4. Disgust - eyebrows are lowered, the nose is wrinkled, the lower lip is protruded or raised and closed with the upper.
5. Sadness - eyebrows are drawn together, eyes are dull, often the corners of the lips are slightly lowered.
6. Happiness - calm eyes, the corners of the lips are raised and pulled back.
The material presented on facial expressions and emotions is very useful in individual work with students. However, when working with an audience of students, it is advisable to use the following classification of states of interaction participants, which will allow you to immediately and fairly accurately determine the state of the audience.
1. “Ready to work.” Eye contact with the speaker, body tilt forward, absence of coughing, sighs, distracted gestures, calm facial expressions, absence of distractions by knocking, whispering.
2. “Protest.” The appearance of gestures and signs of veiled aggression (clenching a fist, crossing arms over the chest, leaning the body back - “lounging”, the appearance of emotions of anger, contempt).
“Protest” also occurs when there is disagreement - then the “hand on the cheek” gestures, touching the nose or lightly rubbing it, orienting the legs towards the exit, the appearance of a side glance, and manipulation of glasses appear. The presence of an expression of aggression or disagreement is a criterion for the teacher to confront the audience. Maybe a withdrawal into boredom - shaking a leg, an “absent” or “evaluating” look, supporting the head with both palms that almost cover the face, yawning, restless “fidgeting,” searching for distracting activities.
3. “Single emotional and intellectual response.” Surprise appears (the corners of the lips are raised, the mouth opens slightly, the eyebrows rise up, horizontal folds appear on the forehead), attention (special breathing, posture, the head tilts and turns slightly).
4. “Intellectual-emotional unity.” Universal attention, unified response. The predominant emotion is calm, even joy (a light, light smile, eyebrows raised, shining, sparkling eyes, light and energetic movements, lively and quick remarks).
5. “Deep, nuclear contact.” Emotional elation and elation, a surge of strength and good mood. Fatigue and minor worries disappear. There is a continuous dialogue, a mutual exchange of thoughts that cause mutual impetus and new thoughts.
The teacher, by the nature of his activity, constantly acts as an organizer of interaction, and the most important thing in organizing interaction is the emergence of community. Therefore, in order to gain experience, the teacher needs to note the nature of his interaction.
A classification that determines the type of behavior of the interaction organizer can help with this. A number of researchers identify 4 zones of organizing interaction with the audience, in which it manifests itself in a certain way:
Positive
1. The organizer demonstrates solidarity (increases the status of the other, helps, rewards).
2. Behaves at ease, laughs, jokes, shows satisfaction.
3. Approves, passively accepts, condescends, sympathizes, agrees.
Answers area. Most often, interaction in this zone appears after the positive zone 1 or after questions (zone 3).
1. The organizer expresses his thoughts and gives instructions, respecting the autonomy of others.
2. Gives an assessment, expresses an opinion, analyzes, reports his impressions, expresses a wish.
3. Gives information, orientation, repeats, explains, confirms.
Question area.
1. The organizer asks for information, orientation, repeat, confirmation.
3. Asks for advice, instructions, hints in which direction to act.
Negative.
1. The organizer does not approve, demonstrates passive rejection, refuses assistance.
2. Keeps himself tense and asks for help.
3. Acts hostile, demeans others, becomes defensive, or asserts oneself.
Now we will try to formulate the most common obstacles to effective interaction.
External:
1. Avoidance, avoidance of contact with the source of exposure.
2. Selective trust in the source of interaction depending on whether the source is authoritative or not.
3. Misunderstanding - lack of knowledge of a common language, understanding of the common meaning of words and meanings.
Internal:
1. Avoidance of memories, thoughts, presentation on an exciting or traumatic topic.
3. Devaluation of the value of disturbing information due to “misunderstanding” of its actual meaning, distortion of logic, substitution of meanings.
These obstacles arise as a result of protection from the traumatic nature of the impact. They are formed unconsciously, as a rule, under the influence of previous experience, and their presence serves as a signal that the interaction process is disrupted, and the teacher should look for the reasons for this disruption. In order to avoid obstacles in interaction, it is important to have trust in yourself as a source of information of one kind or another. An effective way to increase trust is to consistently create a sense of “we.” The extent to which the listener accepts the speaker as “one of his own” and not “an alien” largely determines the success of the interaction. This does not exhaust the ways to prevent the occurrence of obstacles during interaction, but the ones mentioned can be considered decisive.
If, despite all the recommendations described above, interaction does not improve, you need to engage in individual psychological training. This form is a kind of self-training - quite effective, and most importantly - interesting.
The following three exercises are described by A.A. Leontiev.
TV movie. Select a film or play from the TV program that you have not seen before and ask one of your friends or family to watch it from beginning to end. At any time in the middle of a film, enter the room and watch this film or play for 5 minutes, and then leave the room and try to describe in writing the characters you saw, their relationships and their future fate. After finishing the film, you need to compare what is written with the opinions of those who watched the film. Identify discrepancies and, if possible, clarify their reasons. As you practice, the time for viewing the passage should decrease - first to 3, then to 1 minute.
Stranger. Whenever you are forced to be in the company of strangers for a long time, choose one of them, “guess” the profession, biography, social, official and family status of this person. Particularly important in this exercise is self-report about what exactly led to the emergence of a particular hypothesis.
Someone else's company. Observe the students in an unfamiliar group and try to answer the questions:
a) who in the group is most popular and respected.
b) why?
c) who is the least popular?
d) why?
e) who is included in the informal active class?
e) who is who in this asset
j) who is the greatest individualist?
h) which groups of people have closer relationships?
i) what can connect them?
In this case, you can check the correctness of your conclusions by getting into contact with members of the group under study, or compare your observations with the observations of other teachers and analyze differences in opinions.
You can deepen and develop the skills that were developed during such “self-training” with the help of other exercises.
Conversation of strangers. Don't miss the opportunity to observe the conversation of strangers by answering the following questions:
What is the nature of the relationships connecting these people (business, just acquaintance, friendship, close friendship, love, family relationships)?
What kind of communication occurs - role or personal?
if communication is role-based, then what roles does each interlocutor play (boss, real man, business person)
who is the leader of the contact and who is in a higher social position?
Does the conversation have a background or subtext? If so, which one?
Is the behavior of the interlocutors natural?
if not, then why (due to the personal characteristics of one of the partners, the topic of conversation, emotional states)?
what will be the end of the conversation?
How exactly will the conversation end (technique for leaving contact)?
Long live contacts! Force yourself to enter into as many contacts as possible in everyday life, trying to maintain the conversation that has arisen for as long as possible and, while “talking” with your interlocutor, clarify that you should record exactly how and why you are addressing different people.
Unfamiliar company. In cases where you find yourself in a company where there are many strangers, try:
hold the attention of those present for the first few minutes (but not at the expense of significant information, trendy clothes or extravagant manners);
identify a leader for an hour - opinion, mainly oriented by the group, study the techniques he uses to achieve everyone's attention;
seize the initiative from the leader and hold it for several minutes.
Unpleasant interlocutor. Having chosen one of those with whom you are in a strained relationship, and having prepared in advance a natural topic for conversation, when you meet this person, speak to him first, try to maintain the conversation that arises for as long as possible and, if possible, suppressing your antipathy, switch to mutual sympathy to each other.
Mood. Try, in those cases when you are in an excellent mood, to behave in such a way that the interlocutor notices and appreciates your imaginary depression. As soon as this starts to work out, move on to the second part of the exercise: in a bad mood, try to behave in such a way that no one notices.
Emotions. Choose a difficult emotion (hidden grief, unconscious joy, internal anxiety) and try to conduct a conversation with a well-known person in this emotional key. After the end of the dialogue, check by asking your interlocutor what and how you succeeded and what you didn’t. And together analyze why?
From the experience of many years of communicating with teenagers and students, teachers learn that there are teenagers with increased excitability who very easily enter into conflict and cannot stop. Often teachers try by hook or by crook to get rid of such a student. What to do if you can’t get rid of it? Here we can recommend helping these students develop self-control. It's difficult, but possible. It takes a lot of time and patience for them to achieve conscious self-control.
The fact is that each character is accessible to targeted influence, albeit to varying degrees. How to influence?
1. A reminder of the negative sides of character usually evokes and provokes their manifestation - such is the power of words! Therefore, in order for unstable and conflict-prone students to express themselves in a more favorable manner, they should be treated correctly, with calm benevolence, with an expression of peaceful but persuasive strength. A long stay in this mode of communication helps to acquire favorable experiences, that is, the correct forms of behavior.
2. For the development of conscious regulation in students with increased excitability and easily vulnerable children, the motive of self-defense is most suitable as a “bridge”. This motive can also be used in the approach to those who still have a low level of responsibility. True, it is necessary that students be offered this work on themselves by a significant teacher who already has some influence on these children, who has already aroused in them reciprocal goodwill and trust by his standards of treatment. Since they have an increased tendency to react emotionally, emotional dependence is more pronounced, it is very difficult for them to accept the position “Do no harm!”, “They beat me, it hurts me, and I also do no harm!” - they find the very proposal of this position offensive. So we can invite them to learn how to protect themselves from harmful emotional influences. In this sense, the following information is interesting:
a) in quarrels and conflicts, no one can ever prove anything. Reason: negative emotional influence blocks the work of thought. This means that there is no need to try to prove something to a person who is in a state of negative emotional influence.
Therefore, it is necessary for the student to master the above and try to consciously form within himself the attitude of persistent, calm refusal of quarrels and conflicts.
b) most quarrels have a very tense tone. Negative emotional arousal quickly takes over all parties to the conflict. To extinguish negative emotional arousal, it is necessary to stop reinforcing it. As they say, “he who is smarter will be the first to shut up.” At the same time, it should be remembered that the position of the person who refuses to quarrel should completely exclude anything that is offensive or insulting to the partner. The winner is not the one who manages to stop the scandal and prevent it from happening.
To do this you need:
to fix attention not on what we are being hurt, but to consciously distribute attention to many objects that fall into our field of vision;
the pace of speech should be unhurried, movements collected, unobtrusive. Sometimes it is better to remain silent, but silence should be offensive to the partner;
if indeed some mistake was made on your part, which gave rise to reproaches and remarks addressed to you, then it should be admitted, which in turn discourages the aggressor;
c) nothing conveys a sense of personal strength better than calm, calm friendliness. The hysteria of teachers, indignant shouts, dramatized monologues and threats - all this belittles the teacher in the perception of students, makes them unpleasant, but not strong (just like ingratiation and cajoling: students benefit from them, but for this they are completely denied respect) .
