In the life of every person, sooner or later, someone important, significant appears, to whom the soul and thoughts are drawn. Sometimes this closeness becomes friendship, sometimes it turns into something more. I really want to distinguish between these two statuses and learn to determine which is which. “Are there signs of love and what are they?” — people have been asking these questions for a long time. How not to get into trouble, not to miss the important things in your life and at the same time not to attach too much importance to the ordinary.
Is this the person I am destined to be with all my life and live it happily? Or wait for someone else who will be even better? When to stop and start appreciating? What is love and what is real love? This is an inner feeling that invariably gives us happiness. As the famous Russian psychologist of our time Mikhail Labkovsky said:
“A true feeling can only be happy, the rest will be anything but it. It could be neurosis, addiction, hysteria, anything.”
In passion, a person receives joy, not sadness, anxiety, jealousy or fear of losing an important person. What changes our world, what is so multifaceted and many-sided. However, it is possible to identify some common basic features characteristic of this great feeling.
Let's reveal 5 signs of beautiful interdependence among people.
- Man to man is space. Love is something mysterious, even mystical, which is not always understood. This unknown force of attraction that arises between two people, has the character of an eternal mystery. No matter what the chemists who supposedly solved its mystery claim, explaining everything in chemical formulas. But is it really that simple? Psychology finds new explanations, mechanisms and principles of this emotion from year to year, but has never fully revealed its secret. There is no logic or rational element in the attraction of one person in love to another. Without a doubt, this arises on the basis of archetypes and behavioral stereotypes formed in childhood, and helps to receive insufficiently received or transmitted parental love. Everyone looks for in the other what they themselves once did not receive, and sometimes attachment also arises from this. And you can never say with certainty that you understood another, but you can say that you accepted without even understanding.
- Fear of loss. Some people are afraid of losing that one or only one. Some people are afraid of losing themselves in a relationship. When we need another so much that we become dependent on the person. At this moment, the fear of losing him as a part of himself appears unconditional. Sometimes an emotion is so absorbing that you even want to push it away, so that it won’t be so painful, scary, and so as not to fall completely under the power of another person, submitting completely. Sincere feelings completely subjugate us, and this is also scary and is compared to death, but if you trust this, then new levels of sensations and freedom will open up before a person.
- Lack of guarantees and insurance. No one will convince us that this is once and for all, that the new attraction will always be comfortable and cozy, that it will be eternal and happy. But we try, and the one who is honest with himself and his partner wins. Often we are dominated by the sad experience of previous relationships. Part of the soul is broken and awaits injections, so it is difficult to plunge headlong into a new, albeit promising, emotion and believe: passion, partner, future. But you'll never know until you try. It's better to regret what you've done than to mourn a missed chance.
- Wish without a doubt. Platonic passion is nothing more than a myth invented by a more or less insolvent person. Deep passion consumes a person at all levels of existence, including the gross physical. It is physical intimacy that is a vivid manifestation of feeling, and it is not necessary to experience it every moment. Different emotions have ups and downs. But physical desire always accompanies her.
- You become alive and significant. By getting into each other, we choose a person to play a major role in our lives. This makes the chosen one or chosen one special not only in our eyes, but also in our own. By exchanging emotions, we give each other ourselves along with our inner world, thus doubling our worldview.
In addition to deeply internal symptoms, there are external signs of true love - in behavior and aspirations. Here are some signs of a lover:
- Thoughts about this person that sometimes become so intrusive that there is no room in the head for anything else. This is the most typical thing that happens at this time.
- The desire to spend all the time together. I want to tell as much as possible about myself and also fully know everything about the other person. I want to spend every minute together, even just being nearby.
- Being with someone important to you makes you feel comfortable and safe.
- Attitude to conflicts. For some, their own rightness is so significant that they cease to value and respect other people’s opinions and their own happiness. It is more important to resolve the conflict than to defend your point of view and principles.
- Exchange of deep emotions. At the same time, lovers do not feel afraid to open up and show themselves without protection and masks. What is very important here is the trust that they have in each other, which allows them to immerse themselves in the truth of the relationship;
- No interest in others. We are not talking about complete indifference to the rest of the world; there is simply no need to constantly search for another, to attract someone’s attention to oneself. The object of sympathy he has found is so deep and boundless that he does not want to waste his time on others.
- Plans for the future life together. At first it was just good together, but I want to deepen this state and make it more stable. There is a desire to be together constantly, and this already leads to the creation of joint plans. You are ready to accept another into your life not temporarily, but permanently, and you are also ready to enter the life of your chosen one.
If these symptoms are about you, then the world will no longer be the same, and happiness is inevitable.
How to sense Her approach
The first signs of love are always the most exciting moment in its inception. Is it possible to identify the signs of approaching love? You can listen to yourself and notice the emergence of something new, catch in yourself the signs of a person in love: goosebumps in the presence of the chosen one or chosen one, languor in anticipation of the appearance, increased heartbeat only at the thought of the very object of desire.
Or look for sure signs in nature and surrounding events that She is already close. And then interpret dreams: a full moon, a bouquet of white flowers given by a stranger, a candle in the hands of another. Looking for someone's lost wedding invitation or wedding accessory on the street is a sure sign of a future connection. Or in the spring, perceive every breath of fresh wind as a chance for something bright and sincere to come into life, expecting it with all your soul and bringing it closer with your readiness.
Jealousy and Passion
What is the most obvious sign of true feeling?
There are people who believe that jealousy is a sign of love. Usually it is practically not inherent in people who are self-confident. In fact, if you allow another to choose, you give the right to a personal opinion, then there is no place left for jealousy. There is no jealousy while there is deep passion, and certainly not when it has already disappeared.
Is jealousy a manifestation of sincere affection or one’s own complex, going shoulder to shoulder with someone else’s complex? A destructive feeling that reduces one of the partners to a state of ownership, and the other, accordingly, to the owner. A healthy and self-confident person does not need to constantly monitor his companion, convince himself that there is no double bottom or threat to your relationship behind words, gestures and attention to other people.
no 05.10.2012 
It happens that completely different feelings are mistaken for love. For example, the belief “without this person there is no life, but existence” or “I am drawn to him,” no matter how touching it may sound, is in no way connected with love.
Sometimes people mistake certain needs or desires associated with another person for love. After all, would any of us give up tenderness, care, attention or a sense of security? We ourselves cannot give ourselves such feelings. Someone outside will be able to admire and appreciate, love and respect, pay attention and care. Love gives you a chance to experience almost all of the benefits listed. That is why it is so necessary for everyone that it is a persistent goal of all life. Although even without love it is quite possible to satisfy some of the listed desires.
If you think that it is impossible to live without a person close to you, first figure out what exactly this “I can’t” is expressed in. It is possible that it is useful to you from a financial point of view, or maybe it gives you a cozy feeling of security. This is not love, this is just satisfaction of needs.
The main determining factor for this great feeling is the ability to feel the happiness of a loved one and the desire to make this happiness even more complete.
In other words, love is the ability to deliver positive emotions to another person, as well as the ability to experience deep satisfaction from the very fact - “I am loved.” It is important that all this is mutual.
Are you tormented by doubts about whether your chosen one loves you? Think about the questions: “Does it give him joy to do something nice for me? Does he often strive for this? If you don’t find answers to these questions, alas, you call something else love.
It turns out that in order to be able to love someone, you need to know his tastes and desires, preferences and aspirations. Try to get to know each other, open yourself up to your significant other. Sometimes we are mistaken in believing that our values and desires are the same with our loved one. In love, it is important not to kill the explorer in yourself who is trying to discover the secrets of the soul of another. And you cannot close your soul from your companion’s attempt to know it. Without the desire to trust the most secret things, real feeling cannot exist.
“I love him because he is strong and smart,” we sometimes hear such revelations. In the definition of non-fictional love there is such a thing as “existential”. We love a person not for something specific, but, on the contrary, in spite of everything. And it is impossible to give an intelligible answer to the questions “why?” or “why?”, which relate to the reasons for love.
It is important to keep the feeling intact, although it is not easy. Accept your soulmate with all her shortcomings, loving them too, expect exactly the same attitude towards you from her. Never build a family home based on convenience. It's like a good deal that suits your personal needs well. A cold consumer's view of feelings will not make them truly warm, sanctified by trust.
Cultivate the main cementing force in your union - sincerity. After all, there are situations when a person prefers to cheat in order to achieve the desired result, thereby betraying the trust of a partner. Sooner or later, this approach will gradually begin to corrode feelings. You cannot manipulate a person, especially a loved one.
Know how to talk if something disturbing has appeared in your relationship. Decide together what it is, why it is so - and half of the victory over the invisible enemy has already been achieved. Tell your loved one about your expectations. What I would like more, what doubts torment me. Know how to listen to explanations regarding your complaints. Do not hide your joy and pleasure from small gifts or signs of attention, thank you for your advice and care. Don’t even think about saying something like this: “Well, I finally thought of it!”, “So that it will always be like this,” and so on.
There are certain patterns in all relationships. It’s worth remembering them and not getting upset that your feelings are going through changes and are being tested for strength. It's just the beginning married couple feels like a single being - with common desires and impulses. Time changes lovers. And it becomes important to preserve one’s own “I”, to be able to defend personal interests. The couple may want to live separately to sort out this new relationship. This period is very dangerous due to betrayal, when a person just wants to check himself: what will happen to the other (or another)? And if the relationship has passed the test of strength, a new stage in the life of the family begins, when the spouses understand why they should be together, what they want to achieve through joint efforts. They become a team.
There is no need to give in to difficulties. At first, lovers think that their feelings are so omnipotent that they can protect a young family from all life’s hardships. But problems arise, people begin to doubt the authenticity of feelings. We must remember that life's troubles are inevitable. And it is quite normal for them to occur in the most different areas life together: be it domestic misunderstandings, problems related to sex or financial difficulties. You just need to decide for yourself that if such problems are inevitable in any, even the strongest family, they should be solved through joint efforts, and not persistently looking for someone to blame for their occurrence.
Feelings cannot be categorized according to a template. Love is different for everyone, but love also has its own defining characteristics.
So, 4 components of true feeling
True love– this is real. And there is even scientific confirmation of this fact. Stone Book University is located in New York. His employees set out to prove that love has no statute of limitations. The participants in the experiment were newly created families, as well as those who celebrated their 20th anniversary of marriage. The subject of the study was brain processes recorded using a magnetic resonance imaging scanner. The results were encouraging: every tenth couple with experience showed similar tomography results with young spouses, that is, their feelings were just as fresh. The conclusion suggests itself that a married couple can keep feelings unchanged even after many years of marriage. After analyzing brain activity, the experiment confirmed this. As experts point out, when one of the elderly couple saw a photograph of the other, chemical reactions, arising in the cerebral cortex, were no different from those that were noted in the early stages of love. While other data stated that a little more than a year family life lead to the fact that those processes that are responsible for the feeling of falling in love begin to fade, disappearing after about ten years of the couple’s life together. It is gratifying that not everything can be explained from a scientific point of view. After all, time is not scary for true love; it lives in spite of everything.
What signs, according to experts, should be considered the birth of strong and lasting love?
First, sincere communication. We are not even talking about baring the soul here. After all, you can’t be overly frank with a virtual stranger. No, here, first of all, we mean ease of communication, the desire to make contact. And a response that is quite natural in such a situation. And it can take more than a dozen days to dare to open your soul to another person. If from the first minutes of communication you cannot talk enough with each other, this already says a lot.
Secondly, intimacy arises. It plays an important role in human relationships; it cannot be replaced by calling signs from a distance. If you like someone at a party, you shouldn’t make eyes at them, smiling mysteriously, it’s better to come up and stand next to them.
Thirdly, reciprocity. In psychology they use the concept of “resonance”. The feelings of one person awaken exactly the same trepidation in another. In other words: our confidence that someone likes us is increasing, and to the same extent we begin to like this subject. The emotional level brings us closer together.
Fourthly, community of interests. Subconsciously, we try to join a certain circle of people who share our hobbies. Instinctively, we are more attracted to people from this circle than others. During acquaintance, the same mechanism begins to work. Unconsciously, a person is looking for a partner who would have as much more common features in character, affections, hobbies. The more similar interests two people have, the greater the chance of strong mutual attraction.
Comments
milagros
19:46 27.09.2013
I love mine young man, and always loved me, but he took advantage of it, the guy leaves and comes, and then leaves again, and I suffer, I’m afraid that one day he will leave forever. I was already desperate, but I finally got hope. Two weeks later I received the real result, my man came and said that he understood how much he loved me, only me, I was shocked, and he opened the box in which the ring lay and said: “Will you be my wife?” I stood there and shouted, “Yes!” We recently had a wedding, everything is fine now...
The comment has been edited because... it contained a link to a suspicious site.
10:24 27.04.2015
Once upon a time, I was in love with a guy and ran after him. He made fun of me and made fun of me, he didn’t like me. Then, when it seemed to me that there was no chance, I stopped running after him. After a while I got married, I felt sorry for him and wanted to make him happy, but nothing worked out, we got divorced, I didn’t want to, I was very scared to be left alone. After a short time I fell in love, it seemed that he was the one and I tried not to notice his non-delivery. We very quickly began to live together and at first I wanted to marry him and we talked about marriage, but over time this desire began to weaken. I got pregnant, we really wanted a child, because in my first marriage I had a miscarriage, I was gone for a whole year and he was diagnosed with infertility. We got married, our relationship only worsened. He really liked to play on the computer, and Nenna I saw this machine. When the child was born, I realized that I gave birth to him for myself, I was tired of quarrels and frequent scandals and I stopped paying attention to him and what he was doing, I stopped asking for his help. I myself didn’t notice how I began to grow cold towards him when we quarrel, he always talks about divorce. Before, I stopped him, but now it’s almost all the same. For some reason I stopped wanting him to kiss me on the lips and I always turn my cheek to him. Somehow I had to go to my city, because I moved to my husband in another city. And in 2013, the same guy who I really liked began to write and we very rarely communicated as friends on social networks. I arrived in my city, the day before I quarreled with my husband, he sent me and then we made up. I often forgive him even the most vile insults. It seems to me that he behaves this way because he wants to attract my attention but does not know how and he is still a child. Somehow, while communicating with that guy, I mentioned that I had come to the city, he offered to meet, at first I tried to understand why? Previously, I was not very beautiful, but over time I became prettier and before I was fixated on religion, but now I treat it normally, before it was difficult to talk to me about anything other than religion. And I thought that he just wanted to compare and agreed to a meeting, left the baby with a friend and went to a cafe there, I sold him in 2 hours, taking into account that I was limited in time. I called him and he said that his car had broken down, that he ordered a taxi, they arrived only half an hour later and then he got stuck in a traffic jam. It seemed to me that he was sitting at home and laughing at me! My patience ran out and I said that I would wait another 10 minutes and leave. I paid at the cafe and was about to leave and he came! We talked, but time was running out and we had to go, it seemed to me that he liked me. We corresponded all night about me about him about life and he invited me to meet tomorrow, first in a cafe and then at his home. I thought if he fell in love, then I could mock him, saying, look what you lost! My husband didn’t want to call me, and I didn’t want to call him. I went to visit him, but while communicating on the same thing, I realized that I also fell in love or those feelings simply did not go away but were hidden?! We didn’t sleep together, we just talked all night and kissed, the child was with us. At this time, my husband decided to change to communicate with friends and not sit at the computer and play only on the tablet. We met him one more time and realizing that we couldn’t be together because he was studying to be a priest and no one would allow him to marry me. I wanted to leave as soon as possible before it was too late, but the baby got sick and we were admitted to the hospital, he came 2 times. This was a closed department, the husband continued to sort things out. We were discharged after a week, my husband was angry with me that I went for a week and was stuck for two. I saw him two more times before Easter, we rode, kissed, hugged and understood that we had to break up because everything was against our relationship and his dream of becoming a priest, we agreed that we would write a report to each other every seven days whether the feeling asked or not, because I myself didn’t Can I understand if this is love or passion? I offered to celebrate Easter together, he said that if I stayed, he would take the documents from the seminary and marry me, I could not stay to kill his dream. Would you be able to do this, kill your dream? The next day I called and my husband came, I told him everything, he said that he would do everything for me to be with him. My husband and I went home, he needed sex, and at first I forcefully gave it to him myself, jumping on him, trying to forget the other. But our relationship with my husband did not improve, on the contrary, he was hysterical, even though he began to help me with the child, we quarrel and I still try to get away from it. But my husband is trying to bring me to irony by insulting me in every possible way. With whom I fell in love, I write to him. At first we corresponded often, but when I said in an impulse that I would not write, he began to answer and write less often. And I write to him about some important or joyful events, he writes that he doesn’t ignore it, but it’s better for me, but it’s better for me if I write to him at least a little, even if he doesn’t answer. Everything has become more complicated with my husband; I can’t sleep with him anymore and I can’t find excuses all the time. Tell me where is love and where is passion.
17:45 16.09.2016
How do we understand what love is?
Gusts of passion and intoxication
When words are so lacking
All these people are delusions.
Love lives in our souls
She is the force of light and goodness
Only he can know her
Who does not harbor evil in his heart,
Who is not capable of betraying
And he will always forgive his neighbor,
Who is patient and knows how to wait?
Doesn't hold grudges.
So people know that love
There is the power of truth, light and goodness
And to love you don’t need words
Love is given to us from God.
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It’s a magical state to breathe from meeting to meeting, from call to call. When the adrenaline overflows, you take wide sips of this spring cocktail, rejoice and live. You don’t exist, but you live, breathing deeply and enjoying every moment together. What is it? - True love?
From love to hate there is one step. We remember this phrase from childhood and believe it, in fact, without understanding the true meaning of either the word “hate” or, especially, the word “love”. And at the same time, from the same childhood, many of us dream of true love, simply getting confused in our own desires, dreams, aspirations and stereotypes.
What is true love? How is it different from love addiction and love? How not to make a mistake?
It’s a magical state to breathe from meeting to meeting, from call to call. When the adrenaline overflows, you take wide sips of this spring cocktail, rejoice and live. You don’t exist, but you live, breathing deeply and enjoying every moment together.
What is it? - True love?
Not likely. Magically. But it doesn't last. The euphoria goes away quickly. What remains?
What is at the root of this attraction? We immediately talk about true love, we assure ourselves and our loved ones that this is exactly what we feel. And definitely forever. To the grave. Every time. But after a couple of weeks, losing the first intensity of feelings, we are already slipping away from the relationship. Are we surprised, disappointed or...
Or vice versa. We become tightly attached to a person, we grab his every word on the fly... We go crazy. We are completely dependent on him. We give ourselves to him to the last drop and expect the same in return.
What if we don’t receive it?
This article is about what true love is, how it differs from falling in love and love addiction. It will give an understanding of these states from the position of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. What exactly did you have to face?
And what to do so as not to go crazy and be happy?
But first, watch a short excerpt from a free lecture on system-vector psychology, where Yuri Burlan talks about what understanding a person from the inside will give:
What is true love: origins
True love at first sight? Many people dream about this, dream about this state, without realizing that we are not talking about love at all and, especially, not about true love...
All love states are characteristic of people with. And what exactly a person is able to experience depends on the development of the vector. The whole range of emotions from the hysterical desire “love me, I feel bad without your attention” to the contemplative “I love the world and I feel good if you feel good.” One root and two extremes. Emotion! Emotional connections. Attachment. Love. Love. Passion.
What is true love and infatuation?
Falling in love covers us like a wave. Instant and crushing, dulling the sense of reality and bringing the whole world down on your head, without giving time and opportunity to look back, think, accept... It is bright, emotional, this is a peak that can just as quickly and easily decline and disappear altogether. Sometimes right away. Sometimes after a while.
She is, at times, quite hysterical, absolutely emotional and not deep. This condition is characteristic of almost all people with a visual vector. This is a dispersion of feelings, the euphoria of a nascent relationship. It has an indirect relation to true love.
Almost every one of us has encountered it. These are the same sighs, songs under the window, romance, a certain “rosiness”. What they sing about, write about, live and breathe. What skeptics laugh at.
This is an absolutely normal state for the viewer. People with a visual vector are unusually amorous. They instantly build emotional connections. Moreover, often in large quantities - with different objects.
No matter how strong the love may be, do not forget that this phenomenon is temporary. It can become the basis for a relationship. But it will never be their only component.
It can develop into wild passion or addiction. And it can bring burning pain. Or joy.
What is true love and love addiction as the opposite of true love
Love addiction is one of the most painful conditions that a person can experience. “Unrequited love” is often accompanied by precisely this, turning the soul inside out and discoloring the world around us. Under certain conditions, the viewer is able to create an emotional connection with one person, bringing down all his feelings on him. Literally drowning him in a volcano of passions.
A person with a love addiction is tightly attached to the object of his passion. She thinks about him around the clock. Hysterical, not receiving enough attention. It is worth noting that any attention, any response will be insufficient. All the time a person is not enough, his words are not enough, his actions are not enough... not enough! I want him to completely dissolve in the relationship.
The deep processes here actually come down to an urgent need to be visible. And get what you want so much, no matter what.
At the same time, the person who becomes attached often thinks that he lives for the sake of this person (and in fact lives for him and exclusively for himself), that this is true love. “It blew my mind,” “he drives me crazy,” “I can’t help but see him,” “I don’t want to live without him.” This is just hysteria caused by one single desire - to get the person completely.
No matter how much it hurts. No matter how you convince yourself that you really love, you need to get rid of love addiction. This is a destructive state, emotional swings that under no circumstances can become the basis for a relationship. This is in the visual vector, a painful state, dissatisfaction that tears you apart from the inside, and also crushes the life of someone who is so dear to you like a hurricane.
What is true love as it is?
True love is calm and majestic. She doesn’t swing you like a pendulum, she doesn’t throw you into a storm. She is like the sea, slightly touched by a warm breeze. Warming. Warm. Creative. She has no hysterics or fear. And there is no pain either.
If this is True Love, then there is no selfishness and no desire to be loved. She has a desire to give. Don’t talk about “I’ll throw the whole world at his feet,” but really give.
True love is contemplative. Only people with a developed visual vector who do not experience fear are capable of it. Having pushed out all their natural fears through compassion. It is impossible to truly love one person and remain callous to the rest of the world. In true love, the state is smooth and powerful. When you love, you truly see and love the whole world. And it, in turn, is painted with bright, amazing colors.
You need to learn to love!
How? Through the development of the visual vector. Through compassion. Learn to give. And receive only in order to give.
For a visual person, true Love is a cherished state to which he subconsciously strives. We write about it, sing about it, talk about it, breathe it. But we don't know how to love. Get rid of fears to learn. And be happy.
Listen to what Julia says about how her relationship with her husband changed when she learned to love, and not demand love for herself:
The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»
There are no patterns in love. All words and thoughts must come from the heart. Love is sincerity, which should not be limited by anything.
Love combines spirituality, physiology, social and individual aspects. Love allows you to improve and also get closer to another person.
Love has a rich and vast world. Everyone loves in their own way. Every person has at least once experienced this feeling or something similar to love. Love is the experience we experience. By experiencing these experiences, we gain experience, become wiser and stronger.
Why does a person need love? By rejecting this feeling, you reject the opportunity to feel, and therefore to live. Without love, life will be faceless and limited.
Love gives inner strength to every person, relieves loneliness and alienation.
Love makes you feel that others need you, gain and understand the meaning of life. This great feeling ennobles, opens everything positive qualities person.
Love is the only and most the right way understand the other person. Enter into spiritual and physical union with him.
When you experience a feeling of love for another person, you tend to want to give everything you have. It is precisely this desire that makes a person a person! Thus, a person in love reveals his entire essence, which without love might not have manifested itself.
Love in a family is the so-called cement between all family members, which helps them stick together in any situation. life situation. Love will not allow someone who needs help and your support to pass by.
It is common for every person to seek and desire love. Each of us dreams of meeting our soul mate, with whom we will be happy throughout our lives. At the same time, a person is ready to make compromises and sacrifices for the sake of the opportunity to love.
Without love, the meaning of existence disappears, life loses its colors. Love is an elixir that gives us a thirst for life. Without it, the sparkle in the eyes disappears, all areas of human activity suffer.
Why does a person need love? Didn't you really feel like a superman when you were in love? After all, there was a feeling that everything in the world was under your control, that in the whole world there was not a thing or activity that you could not cope with.
Only people in love are capable of creating. It was love that gave us the geniuses of our time, whose works of art and inventions we are proud of and use to this day.
If you answer the question: “Why does a person need love?” It’s quite simple - Love gives you a feeling of happiness. After all, happiness is what everyone dreams of.
Don't you dream of falling asleep and waking up in the arms of a person for whom you are ready to give your life? Look into the happy eyes of your loved one when the registry office employee says congratulations. Seeing the smile of a lover and loved one who welcomes you with your first child from the maternity hospital. Live every day and know that when you return home, your loved one will hug you and hold you close, and immediately all the difficulties and problems will fade into the background. After all, in this world - in your world - there is only room for the two of you.
There is no more popular theme in television and film than love. Soap operas are full of "romantic love." This theme is also popular in songs. We are constantly haunted by the idea that love is the only thing that matters.
Most people think about romantic love something like this: “Love is an incomprehensible obsession that comes out of nowhere and immediately takes over you completely, like measles. You will recognize it intuitively. If it is a real feeling, you will not have to wonder for long. You will see it, without a doubt "Love is so important that you must give up everything for the sake of it. It is excusable for a man to leave his wife for the sake of love, for a woman it is excusable to leave his house and children, for a king - it comes completely unexpectedly, and you cannot do anything about it."
But this is NOT true love! Real love is not like that.
Infatuation really comes out of the blue and you can't do anything about it. But true love is devoted and selfless love. This is what she is holding on to. You might be wondering why you need to know the difference between infatuation and love? The reason is this: knowing the differences will prevent you from making a huge mistake. Every year, millions of sparkling-eyed couples come to church and solemnly vow to love each other for the rest of their lives. For some of them, marriage truly becomes an invaluable acquisition. For others, he is simply tolerable. But for half of these couples, marriage becomes a real disaster. After a short period of time, they begin to understand that they absolutely cannot stand living together. What's the matter?
The difference is that some couples base their marriage on true love, while others base their marriage on infatuation, which is false love. Such marriages do not last long.
How can you tell the difference? During the Gold Rush, many prospectors thought they had "struck a vein." But later, to their great disappointment, they found out that their find was not real gold, but the worthless mineral pyrite. Pyrite is very similar in appearance to gold, but has no value. It is also called "fool's gold".
As we said before, it is NOT easy to tell the difference between infatuation and true love. In his book "Sex, love or infatuation - how to determine it?" Dr. Ray Short gives a few key tips, which help a person explore his feeling and determine whether it is the real gold of true love or “fool’s gold” - a simple hobby.
We'll look at 12 of these keys, but first let us point out the following: (1) The order of the keys does not matter. Each of them has the same meaning as the others. (2) These keys should not be selectively accepted. You have to take all 12 into account!
Key #1 What attracts you most.
Enthusiasm: When you're infatuated, you're more likely to be more interested in the other person's physical attributes. beautiful face and a good figure are, of course, very attractive qualities, but appearances can be deceiving. It is like the wrapping paper in which a gift is wrapped. It cannot be used to judge what exactly is inside. Moreover, physical beauty is not eternal. Dr. Short says: "Of the dozen school meetings I attended as a young man, I remember only one. 'Young people!' - the speaker said solemnly. “Before you marry a girl because of her pretty face and attractive curves, think about what she will look like at 30.” And that stopped me” ?
True love: If your love is genuine, you will be interested in the personality of your chosen one as a whole. Surely, physical attraction will also be present in your feelings, but only along with many other qualities that are attractive to you.
Key #2 How many different qualities attract you to this person?
Enthusiasm: Usually the number of such qualities is small, but they can greatly influence you. A guy can go crazy with his girlfriend's smiles or sexy walk.
True love: When you truly love, you like all or most of the qualities in another person. Each of us has many characteristics, our own judgments and attitudes. How many characteristics do you notice in another, and how many of them do you find attractive? This is important because once the initial excitement of marriage wears off, you will need a lot common interests to save the marriage and make it successful.
Key #3 How did it start?
Enthusiasm: Infatuation arises quickly. There is no such thing as true love at first sight, but there can be infatuation at first sight. As one love song says, “the eyes of the lovers met in the crowd, lightning flashed, and they immediately realized that they were made for each other.” All they could really understand was that they had made a good first impression on each other.
True love:
True love always comes slowly. It cannot be otherwise. You have to get to know a person before you can really love them, and that takes time, a lot of time, to really get to know someone. Long-term courtship is much better than short-term courtship. A year is better than six months, two years is better than one, three years is better than two, and four is better than three. Three years? Four? Yes, the statistics on this subject are absolutely clear. But most young couples do not want to wait even a year. They are in a hurry to get married and from their own experience they are convinced of the validity of the old saying: “If you rush, you will make people laugh.” If you get married too hastily, you will have plenty of time later to regret it. 
Key #4 How consistent is your interest?
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, your interest flares up and then fades away. One reason for this is that infatuation occurs too quickly and therefore the roots are not deep. And in general, your relationship is superficial.
True love: When you truly love, your feelings will be warm and tender rather than fluctuating from ardent passion to cold indifference, they will be more constant. True love grows slowly, but its roots run deep.
Key #5 How does feeling affect you?
Enthusiasm: Infatuation has a disorganizing effect on your personality. Makes you less responsible and efficient. Romantic feelings completely take over you, and you walk around, immersed in dreams. The girl who says, "I know he has flaws, but nothing matters except our love" is infatuated... TEMPORARILY! Once married, she will eventually discover that many other things still matter.
True love: If your love is genuine, your best qualities and you strive to become even better. A guy who really loves says about his girlfriend: “I love her not only because she is so beautiful, but also because she inspires me to show my best qualities.”
Key #6 How do you treat others?
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, for you the whole “universe” revolves around one person. The rest of your relationships seem completely unimportant to you. You are even ready to reject family and friends. Your feeling becomes the most important thing in your life. It is the only thing that matters to you from now on. You think that for the sake of this amazing “love” that has entered your life, you can be forgiven for doing any actions. As we've said before, most hobbies don't last, but the mistakes you make while under the influence often have lifelong consequences.
True love: When you truly love, your beloved person is the most important person in the world for you, but relationships with family and friends do not lose their importance.
Key #7 How do others view your relationship?
Enthusiasm:
What others think of your “lover” is a very important test. When you're in love, it's likely that your parents and many of your friends won't approve of the relationship. One of the dangerous aspects of infatuation is that you tend to idolize the other person. You don't see flaws because you are "blinded by love." Your friends try to point out some red flags, but you ignore them. Your parents lovingly warn you, trying to prevent you from making a big mistake, but you don't listen. Young people sometimes say: “So what? We’re marrying each other, not our family and friends.” You can also adhere to this position, but it is unforgivable stupidity to neglect the advice of people who love you. Over the years of your life, both you and your loved one have developed a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those we choose as friends; they become like us. Therefore, your friends are, in a sense, your “mirror”. If you're passionate about someone, your friends often don't share the same feelings. If they see red flags, you should pay attention and listen to their opinion.
True love: When you truly love, there is a greater chance that your parents and most of your friends will approve of your choice. For God to bless your marriage, the consent and approval of your parents is very important.
Key No. 8 How do breakups affect?
Enthusiasm: One of the best tests for feeling is the test of distance. If you are simply infatuated, then time and distance will kill your feeling, “This also explains the breakups of those couples whose main interest was physical attractiveness. Over time, another living person nearby will replace the beloved, who remains only in the photograph.
True love: When you truly love, the absence of your loved one only exacerbates your feeling. True love will definitely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it accepts him entirely as a person. Time spent together helps you grow together. Therefore, during separation, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even a very attractive one, cannot fill the emptiness in your heart. Being at a distance, of course, you may experience anxiety and sadness. You will be worried about the thought: “What if he (or she) meets someone else?” And this can happen. But if your loved one is capable of finding happiness with someone else, then it is better to find out about this before, rather than after, marriage. Therefore, if you are facing separation, accept it and do not worry. If your feeling is only infatuation, and it will not withstand such a test, it is better to find out before it is too late.
Key #9 How do disagreements affect feelings?
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, you often quarrel. You can make peace, but over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become like. two porcupines in the cold. When they are apart, they shake from the cold, but as soon as they press against each other, they prick each other with their needles. "Phil and Alice dated for more than two years. During this time, they quarreled and made up at least once a month. Discord arose over any trifle or imaginary offense. Both acted out terrible jealousy. And then Maria, best friend Alice tried to open their eyes. One day, Alice shared with her the details of the last quarrel and threatened: “Let him just try to get me back! I won’t even talk to him!” “I think you will, Alice,” Maria said to her gently, “but I hope that you will firmly tell him: “Goodbye, Phil, it’s all over.” And then she explained her position to her surprised friend: “You both awaken in each other the worst. You fight because you have nothing else to talk about. Strife, tears and romantic “reconciliations” only relieve you of boredom.
True love: When you truly love, you may have disagreements, but true love survives them, and quarrels become less frequent and serious. Every couple must learn to resolve conflicts. It is much better to discuss differences openly and honestly than to let them fester in the back of your mind.
Key #10 How do you view your relationships?
Enthusiasm:
When you are infatuated, you tend to think of yourself and your loved one as two people, and accordingly use pronouns in your thoughts and speech: “I”, “me”, “mine”, “he”, “his”, or "she", "her". You think of you as two separate individuals.
True love: When you really love, you usually use the words: “we”, “our”, “us”. You think of you as one. This key may not seem so important when you're just dating, but it's of great importance in marriage. When a marriage is based on passion, husband and wife may find more pleasure in pursuing different interests than in joint activities. The husband may be eager and want to “go out with friends” more than spending time at home with his family. Or the wife will become more interested in her social connections than in her household responsibilities. In families where true love exists, husband and wife enjoy doing things together. A common response here is: "I don't want to go if you can't go too."
Key #11 Are you selfish or selfless?
Enthusiasm: When you are infatuated, your interest in the other person is mainly selfish. A guy can date a beautiful and noticeable girl, only because it flatters his pride and raises his prestige. She may be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the school, he becomes the "king" next to her. In the same way, a girl can keep a guy “on a leash” not because she is really interested in him, but because his devotion raises her value in the eyes of others.
True love: When you really love, you like a person for what he is, and not because he can help you assert yourself.
Key #12 What is the basis of your feelings?
Enthusiasm: Is your goal to find someone who will completely dedicate their life to making you happy? Do you take care of yourself first? If yes, then you are just infatuated. Your general attitude is selfish - you care most about what you can get from this relationship.
True love:
Love is selfless and devoted. You strive to do whatever it takes to bring joy to others. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not what you can receive. 
* * *
Evaluate your feeling. Take a sheet of paper and carefully study the keys, starting with the first one. Give an assessment of your feelings for each of them. If you want, the keys can show not only whether your love is real, but also a certain degree of your feeling. In most cases, the clues show a mixture of infatuation and true love. Therefore, rate each key on a ten-point scale. Zero will mean infatuation, and 10 will mean love. For example, when looking at clue #1, you might decide, “To be completely honest, I was mainly interested in physical attractiveness, so I'll give myself two points.” If, when examining key No. 7, you see that approximately half of your friends approve of your choice, and half do not, then give yourself five points. When you rate yourself on all twelve keys, add up your points. An overall score of 80 or higher shows that your senses are fairly reliable. For your part, you can believe that your love can become the basis for a successful marriage. But that's only on your part.
The person you love must also pass this test and score a high score. Love must be mutual. No matter how much you love this person, one-sided love will not help. He should experience the same feelings in return. If you score between 50 and 80 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship develops. If the points scored are less than 50, you are just carried away. So try to save your heart. First of all, do not complicate your relationship with sexual intimacy and do not rush into marriage.
Also note the following: A high score on this test does not necessarily mean that you are ready for marriage. First of all, you may still be too young for marriage, even if you have scored a lot of points. Secondly, even if you are the right age, you may simply not know each other well yet. As we have already said, you need to know each other well for at least two years before you think about marriage.
