Finally, you have found two cherished stripes on the test and your joy knows no bounds! This is the most exciting and crucial period not only for the expectant mother, but also for the expectant father. Why? Because the role that a father plays in shaping a child’s personality cannot be overestimated! Therefore, future fathers need to prepare just as carefully to become a parent as mothers. What does a future dad need to know?
Where to start?
It is not surprising that a joyful storm of emotions and pride is followed by some confusion and anxiety. Most the right way avoid uncertainty - get rid of it. The future father needs to select suitable publications, books, videos and thematic magazines for himself and his wife so that answers to all the questions that concern them can be found in advance. You definitely need to take pregnancy classes with your wife!
What to buy?
Let's not dwell on diapers, vests, suits; your wife has clearly already bought more than enough of them. The question of a crib remains open for many mothers before giving birth; they are afraid to buy because of superstitions, but if yours is not one of them, you should buy it too, as a real man, you must assemble it yourself, believe me, you will remember this for a long time)) The stroller is usually purchased before childbirth. You shouldn't skimp on it. I advise best strollers inglesina 3 in 1. You don’t have to worry about the quality and naturalness of the materials, and this is the most important thing.
How to get used to it?
Whims, ailments, toxicosis... Isn’t this how you imagined happy 9 months of pregnancy? If the husband does not react sharply to these swings in his wife’s moods, and even better, understands why they occur, then nervous tension will be reduced to zero, and positive emotions will help maintain peace of mind.
How to stay informed?
Listen carefully to your wife's stories about tests, doctor visits and ultrasounds. And visiting specialists together will always allow you to ask important questions yourself.
How to build relationships?
What does a future dad need to know? Express your feelings to your wife even more often. Don't be afraid once again praise her for her courage to become a mother. Compliment her body. An enlarged bust and a seductively rounded tummy should not go unnoticed by a loving husband.
Under no circumstances should you blame your wife for being slow and clumsy. Any negative emotions directly affect the baby’s psyche.
Proximity?...
What does a future dad need to know about intimacy? Some men are afraid to even touch their wife during pregnancy. Others, on the contrary, are interested in what it’s like to have sex during pregnancy?
There is no need to be afraid of sex with your pregnant wife unless there are direct contraindications from your doctor. But you also need to understand that something in your usual rhythm will also change. Measurement and tenderness come to the fore in such relationships.
The main thing to remember is that now is not the time for insults and harsh words. The whole family will benefit from mutual support and help.
The role of the father in this important stage of the family’s life is simply priceless!
Cheerful dad. And what awaits him from his wife at home...
It is very easy to become a father, but it is very difficult to be a father. The traditional family setup says: the man provides for the family, and the woman raises the children. Therefore, children from the very early age divided in this way: girls should play with dolls, and boys should love balls, cars and weapons. And if a boy suddenly starts pushing the stroller of his sister or young girlfriend, then he is reproachfully told that this is not a man’s business.
Pregnancy territory for dad.
Since childhood, men have retained the feeling that the territory of pregnancy, childbirth and the first months of a child’s life is forbidden to them. Many expectant fathers are even a little afraid of pregnant women; they begin to imagine the process of childbirth with horror, and try to stay as far away from the newborn as possible until the baby begins to talk and walk. Because of this wariness, future fathers may become emotionally distant from the woman.
Traditionally, many believe that the role of the father becomes important when the child has already grown up and entered kindergarten, getting ready for school. Undoubtedly, at this stage the child really needs the presence of the father, but even before this moment both the wife and the baby need him. It is no coincidence that while expecting a child, perinatal therapy is carried out with the participation of the baby as an equal member of his family. And the courses themselves to prepare for future births assume that both parents will take part in this process.
Paternal and maternal care.
A. Grames said that for the development of personality, both maternal and paternal care are necessary. Maternal care will provide the opportunity for acceptance, and paternal care will encourage giving.
So it is, in fact, the father begins to influence his life long before the birth of his baby. Also, in the first months of a child’s life, there is no need to distance yourself from him, because the baby is settling into a new world, incomprehensible and unfamiliar, and for this he needs a sense of confidence and support.
Today, when the social roles of women and men are not defined as strictly as before, the woman can be the breadwinner in the family, and the father can take care of the child. And thanks to the possibilities of modern life, when you can breast milk keep it in the refrigerator and feed the baby with special formulas; fathers can take care of their children just as well as mothers.
In addition, if both parents show equal interest in the child’s life, the baby will feel calm and more confident.
It has been established that if the future father withdraws from the pregnancy process, the birth itself and the first months of the child’s life, then it is much more difficult for him to find a relationship with his baby. common language. And those fathers who actively took part during pregnancy and were also present at childbirth experienced greater emotional attachment to their child and established contact with him more easily. In life, those children turn out to be more active, physically and mentally developed, who from the first days communicated very closely with both mom and dad.
Which child will choose depends largely on the father and his behavior life path. Will the child be fearful and timid or, on the contrary, will he confidently defend his interests? Caring for the baby, his interests, needs, conversations and hugs, generosity in praise for the development of the child’s personality will be much more important than an expensive toy purchased. And much more important, complete indifference to the fate of your child.
Family models.
The father's role may be different. He may have the role of a breadwinner who provides for his family, creates stability and security for it. Under such protection, a woman can completely immerse herself in pregnancy and her unborn child. And when the baby grows up, the father will be such an important and status figure for him.
Maybe a different family model. For example, when a man helps his wife and is involved in the process of raising his child. In this case, he acts as a guardian figure.
There is another family model in which the man shares all maternal functions equally with his wife. He can play and change clothes.
There are no good or bad roles, no hard and fast rules, as long as there is a male figure in principle. It is necessary that the role of the father suits both husband and wife.
The husband should have a certain role during his wife's pregnancy. The fact is that a woman, during pregnancy, goes through an interesting cycle from a childish position to an adult position. In the first trimester, a woman is in a childish position, and she transfers her “childish” state to her husband, for her he becomes a parental figure. A woman has a great need for care and support. And, unfortunately, a man is not always ready for this.
During the second trimester, it is important for a woman to feel in her husband the father of her child and his interest in him. Sometimes she may be offended not by the way he treats her, but by his lack of interest in his child. Closer to the birth, she may begin to worry about the birth itself, and therefore she needs support and help. Sometimes the problem is that the husband cannot provide the necessary support to his wife, not because he does not want to, but because he himself experiences anxiety and a lot of anxiety. This may be due to the fact that the entire system of relationships begins to change. In addition, the husband also cannot provide proper support to his wife, because she has no time for her husband, as she is immersed in her condition. Or it may also be due to the fact that the husband is experiencing a feeling of jealousy... During this difficult period, a psychologist can help, who will help you understand your situation and improve your relationship.
Dad's participation in childbirth.
There are a lot of opinions on this matter. But this issue again needs to be approached individually. Does this couple really need it? Does dad himself need this? What will dad do - support his wife or control the doctors? One thing is for sure: the meeting between dad and newborn is, in most cases, extremely favorable. This does not mean at all that the father should participate in the birth, but it is very important for the father to see and hold the child in his arms in the first hour and a half, because it is at this moment that the newborn child exhibits many characteristics that are no longer evident later. In the future, dad will be much more involved and interested in the baby.
Further development of the child.
As experience shows, if the father fully joins the mother in the process of raising a child, if both parents share care for the baby, then they have a kind of partnership, a community. Such couples in most cases avoid the typical postpartum stress, the husband does not feel forgotten and abandoned, and the wife feels that she is understood and helped.
What a young father should know about a newborn baby, and what he needs to learn to do in order to help the child’s mother, read on the website
The primary task of new parents is to obtain the necessary knowledge about the characteristics of newborns and master the technique of careful examination.
While mothers find out everything almost immediately and easily learn to change diapers, rock them to sleep, and bathe the baby, many fathers have difficulty understanding what to do with the child. And not because dads are less capable than mothers, but because dads usually spend less time with their children.
Busy is busy, but it’s still worth learning more about and learning how to care for him. The father must communicate with the baby from the first days; communication between the child and the father during the newborn period is the foundation for their further good relationships and mutual understanding.
Also, the father’s knowledge about the child and the ability to handle him can be useful if an unexpected situation suddenly occurs in the family (an illness of the mother or baby, which requires urgent hospitalization, an urgent departure of the mother for 1-2 days) or simply to give the mother a break from the hassle of several hours. Do not forget that the child is common and both parents must be able to care for him.
So, let's figure out what a young dad should know about his newborn baby and what aspects he should master as soon as possible in caring for his child.
What should a dad know about a newborn?
To learn more about a newborn baby, learn how to care for him, it is advisable that the father has the opportunity to stay at home for 3-5 days after the child and mother return from the maternity hospital, and only then go to work. It is also very desirable for the father to have daily participation in caring for the baby; on weekdays, the father can bathe the child in the evening, and on weekends he can perform almost all the functions of caring for the baby.
So, what every dad should know about a newborn baby.
The skin of a newborn may peel, pimples may appear on it, it may turn yellow; all these manifestations are associated with the baby’s body adapting to life in a new environment. Read more about what can happen to a child's skin.
The baby's mammary glands may swell slightly, and girls may experience bloody discharge from the genitals. All this is quite natural and is associated with the influence of the mother’s hormones on the child’s body.
In the first days of life, the color may be dark green, but dark yellow urine is normal.
You need to put your baby to sleep on his back, turning his head to the side in case he burps. A little later, you can put the baby on his tummy. AThe baby must sleep without a pillow.
The air temperature in the child's room should be no more than 22 degrees, and humidity from 50 to 70%. It is important for dad not only to know that this should be so, but also to make every effort to ensure that it is so - buy a thermometer and hygrometer, install air conditioning, battery-operated taps.
All children have a lot and your baby is no exception.
What should the father of a newborn be able to do?
In case of unforeseen situations, dad should be able to:
- dilute the mixture and feed the baby from a bottle;
- prepare a bath for the child and him;
- rock the baby to sleep, put him to sleep;
- change the diaper and wash the baby;
- change the baby's clothes;
- remember where children's clothing and hygiene products are stored;
- know where the child’s birth certificate is;
- remember the date and time of birth of the child, weight and height at birth, whether there were congenital defects or diseases;
- know if the child has allergies;
- remember where the first aid kit for the child is located;
- know the phone number of a pediatrician, the phone number of a children's clinic.
Irina Kolpakova, pediatrician, homeopath - Homeopathic Center named after. Demyana Popova: “A new dad must understand that his wife now, more than ever, needs his help and support. Who, if not him? Dear dads, do not hesitate to show your feelings for your child: hug, kiss, carry in your arms, sing songs, read fairy tales. Your son will grow up to be your friend and helper. Your daughter will flirt with you and practice her feminine tricks on you. Both children are adult life will rely on your type of behavior: your son will imitate, and your daughter will look for a person similar to you as a wife.”
Mom and dad are the two closest people to a child, so it is logical and natural that they should share the responsibilities of caring for a newborn. Shared child care will provide the baby with harmonious development, will help mom cope with postpartum depression faster, will give dad the opportunity to really feel like a father, needed and important person for the baby.
Future father
Pregnancy and childbirth remain less and less the exclusive domain of mothers and doctors. The role of the father is also important, both for the expectant mother and the unborn child. These are also skills that are learned before labor begins.
The father is now more and more aware of all the stages of pregnancy. In particular, echography simply changes his attitude towards the child that his girlfriend carries within her. But being able to be a father, this main responsibility, is difficult to come up with in a nutshell, and paternal instinct, like maternal instinct, is a matter of practice and time. More often, it is the woman who has to give up to the father part of what already belongs to him by right and recognize him, even if she is raising the child alone. The ability to be a father is not invented, it comes first in daily communication with the expectant mother during the nine months of her pregnancy, and then in the long process of raising a child.
A mixture of desire and responsibility.
The future father constantly sees changes in his wife's body and sometimes his mood inexplicably changes. He tries to be lively, trustworthy, understanding, attentive, bringing sufficient financial assistance, and at the same time, he must agree to give the child primacy in the soul of the one he loves. His future child may appear to him as a stranger; excluded from direct mother-child communication, he finds himself faced with a relationship that instantly destabilizes him. Jealousy sometimes comes to him because of the inability to carry a child himself. Faced with this problem, trusting the pregnancy to his wife and the unconscious desire and desire to create a child, some men experience a pronounced manifestation of the unrealizable: they develop a paunch, unbearable toothache and abdominal pain. Psychologists call these symptoms “couvade.”
Some people treat what happens during pregnancy as something alien. Others don't wait until a child is born to become fathers. It's up to you to navigate these nine months of pregnancy without feeling guilty and knowing that there is a lot you could have done.
A place to be found and taken
There is a growing awareness among men of their responsibility everyday life married couple and raising children. But, if the responsibilities of a man and a woman today are getting closer and becoming interchangeable, the essence of the father and the essence of the mother still remain different, which cannot be confused.
In order for a good relationship to be established among the three, it is necessary that the mother and father agree on the role of each and their complementarity. A man-father is, first of all, the one who takes his place in the soul of a mother. For her, he is both the one she loves and the one who made her a mother. If she recognizes this doublet as legitimate, then an exchange of blood is established between mother and child without excluding the husband from this process. The child, in turn, will rely equally on the mother as well as on the father and will have at his disposal everything necessary to become an autonomous being. After all, it is the woman who informs the man that he has become a father, but the child receives the father’s surname, placing him in the chain of generations, in the history and culture of the family and society. Psychologists call this inevitable process of personification “continuity through symbols.”
Fluctuations of desire.
Over the course of days and weeks, sexual relations will require some comfort. The face-to-face situation is becoming more and more difficult, especially in recent months and you will need a lot of imagination, as well as attention, since everyone's desire will change. It may happen that one of the partners, due to the closeness of the child, will be afraid of hurting him or causing him suffering, or that he will somehow understand about the sexual contact taking place between the parents. In fact, the fetus is under the reliable protection of the uterus, but the feeling of fear or shame remains very strong, which is why physical love can suffer. Some men retain a very strong attraction to their partner, but at the same time they feel her completeness and distance themselves from her. The dissatisfaction they experience can help them get used to having a future child. Others are immediately eliminated, not perceiving their wife in the same way as their own mother.
I'd like to know
Is it necessary for the father to be present at pregnancy consultations?
This is not necessary, but if he or his wife wants it, it may be useful. Some questions asked by the doctor during the first consultation concern him directly. Then, echography for the father becomes a very important and exciting event - this is his first visible “contact” with the reality of the existence of this future child, who is not yet able to declare himself otherwise. Moreover, the moment when, placing his hand on his wife’s stomach, he feels the movement of the unborn child, will become for him an exciting stage in the process of getting to know the one whom he will gradually begin to associate in his mind with “his child” even before he sees him .
Can he attend childbirth preparation sessions?
Yes, of course, even long before the great event. By getting used to the course of pregnancy and childbirth in this way, he will later avoid feelings of awkwardness in the face of a real process that does not affect his body, but turns his soul upside down. Finally, he will measure and understand everything in advance, and, if necessary, support the expectant mother at the necessary time. Many preparation techniques, such as aptonomy, will allow him to take an active part in your preparation for childbirth. This, in particular, will help him perceive the child, touch him, caress him, carry the newborn without fear of being awkward or harsh in relation to this baby, which may seem fragile to him. The child also needs such contacts, and it is important that his relationship develops not only with his mother.
Should the father be present at the birth?
Being present at the birth of your own child is filled with emotions. And not every future father is ready to face them. Some believe that they do not belong in the maternity ward and that they are much more needed outside it. Others are afraid of feeling out of place during this mysterious and stunning event. On the other hand, many women do not want such a presence. The mother may be afraid that her so openly naked body will not subsequently cause cravings in her companion and prefer to be alone with the medical staff. There is no other need for this, everyone is free to make a decision themselves, it will only be better if it turns out to be mutual.
Is there an ideal age for a father?
Of course, there are plenty of examples of “delayed” paternity. For women, as is known, the number of possible problems, especially after forty years. With regard to paternity, there is insufficient research data on the relationship between fetal or other genetic disorders and paternal age. Modern ideas cannot answer this question scientifically.
Maria Sokolova
Reading time: 6 minutes
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A lot has been said about the important affairs of a young mother, even more has been written, and maternal instinct, if anything, will tell you. But dads, as usual, may forget something, so they need clear instructions and a to-do list for the period before and after childbirth. .
Dad's to-do list before giving birth
Preparing for the arrival of a baby is not only a responsibility expectant mother. This also applies to dad. His awareness of his own responsibility and, of course, psychological readiness. Among other things, the home environment also plays a significant role. Dad's duty simplify your wife's life and create comfortable conditions for baby
. How? The mother has probably already compiled a list of necessary things for the baby in advance, not to mention purchasing those items that the man does not understand at all. Therefore, you should focus on truly masculine tasks.
Choosing a cradle for your baby
You need to choose it correctly, not forgetting to check its stability and practicality. Read also: To do this, you should remember the following selection criteria:
Buying a stroller for an heir
When choosing this item, you need to be guided by the fact that most often your spouse will ride. Based on this, purchase a stroller, paying attention to its:
Purchasing a washing machine
If you don’t yet have an automatic car, then urgently correct this situation and buy washing machine- this will save energy for your wife and nerves for you. What to remember?
The abundance of additional functions is unnecessary. Ironing clothes directly in the machine, nano-silver treatment and other fun will only double the cost of the machine.
- Optimal set of functions : quick wash, long wash, baby wash, delicate wash, boiling.
- It's good if there is a car economical in terms of water and electricity.
The first day after giving birth - what should dad do?
- First of all, call your spouse. Don't forget to thank her for the baby and tell her how much you love them both.
- Call your loved ones, please them with the most important event in your life. And at the same time, free your wife from unnecessary calls and the need to answer the same questions ten times about weight, height, nose shape and eye color.
- Contact the reception department. Find out if it is possible to visit a young mother, at what hours, and what is allowed to be conveyed.
- Bags for the maternity hospital with things for mother and baby are probably already ready. But it won't hurt supplement them with kefir, unsweetened cookies, apples(green only) and those unusual ones that your wife asks you on the phone.
- Don't get too carried away with "washing your feet." Now it’s more important to visit the maternity hospital more often so that your wife feels your attention. Send packages, send SMS, call and stand by under the window waiting for your wife to show you your little one. Don't skimp on surprises - these days spent in the maternity hospital are never forgotten by a woman. Give her happy memories.
- Assemble the crib, if it has not yet been collected. Check it for stability.
