When you decide to take custody of a child, you should prepare for this process in advance so that it does not drag on for a long time. Where should you go, what documents should you submit, and what government agencies will help you in the process of adapting your adopted child to the family?

If you accepted final decision If you are ready to take a child into a foster family and become good parents for him, then you should familiarize yourself with all the intricacies of this process. Registration of guardianship or trusteeship is a labor-intensive procedure that can take months, although compared to adoption it seems much simpler, because it does not require a court decision.

First, let's figure out how a foster family differs from other forms of guardianship. Concept foster family differs from the usual one in that adoptive parents have a special contractual relationship with the guardianship authorities and are provided with payment for the performance of their duties. Guardianship and trusteeship are possible over minor citizens. Foster families for the elderly are also being actively created as an alternative to nursing homes.

What are the differences between guardianship and trusteeship? Guardianship is the care of children under 14 years of age, guardianship is the care of children 14-18 years of age. The payment to the family is made once after the child is placed in a foster family. Also, every month parents receive payments for their custody of the child, which should be enough for his maintenance, including the purchase of clothing, household and office supplies. In addition, at the legislative level, foster families are provided with benefits, free sanatorium treatment for children, and recreation in children's camps.

What documents will you need to collect?

June 17, 1996 by the Government Russian Federation a provision on foster family was adopted. It is not necessary to read the entire Family Code of the Russian Federation, but before starting the guardianship process, you should familiarize yourself with the contents of the foster family provision. There you will find many answers to questions that will arise in the future or have already arisen. The document is small in volume, so familiarizing yourself with it will not take much time, making you more legally savvy.

If you want to start registering guardianship or trusteeship, you should contact the Education Department of your district administration, namely the child welfare sector. There, a foster family agreement will be drawn up with you. This agreement is not considered as a type of ordinary civil transaction, and therefore has a number of features.

The agreement on the transfer of a child to a foster family stipulates the period for which he will live with the guardians, the conditions of his maintenance, education and upbringing, as well as the rights and obligations of the adoptive parents and the grounds for termination of this agreement. Also, the foster family agreement contains information about the child who is being handed over to foster parents: name, age, information about health, physical and mental development. The document also indicates the amount of payments provided to adoptive parents for the maintenance of the child.

In order to obtain guardianship, you will need to collect the following documents:

• statement;
• passport;
• autobiography;
• photograph 30*40;
• marriage certificate;
• a medical certificate about the condition of all family members where the child will live;
• written consent of the parent (if they are alive and there is no court decision on their incapacity) that they agree to appoint you as a guardian;
• written consent of all adult family members that the ward will live with them;
• a certificate from your place of employment about your position, as well as the amount of your income;
• a copy of the income statement;
• characteristics of the housing condition of your living space and a certificate of family composition;
• registration certificate of the housing premises where the foster family will live.

Be careful when issuing certificates and their validity periods, because some may only be valid for a while.

Who can't be a foster parent?

You should also familiarize yourself with the list of those who will be denied guardianship. The regulations on foster families say that foster parents cannot be:

• persons who have been declared legally incompetent by a court;
• persons who have been deprived of parental rights by a court;
• persons suspended by the court from performing the duties of guardians due to their dishonest performance;
• persons with illnesses that make it impossible to perform the duties of a guardian in a foster family.

In any case, a court decision confirming that you are competent to serve as a foster parent will give you access to the guardianship you desire.

The final stage of registration of guardianship

Within 20 days after submitting the application and all necessary documents, the guardianship authority undertakes to notify you of its decision regarding your case.

After you have collected all the above documents and the transfer of the child to a foster family has taken place, the second difficult stage of the process awaits you. Adaptation to a foster family is a difficult period for both the child and the parents.

A child who was raised in harsh conditions of an orphanage or orphanage, will get used to his new status and will need your support, wisdom and love. Be armed with information and seek the help of a psychologist if you need it. Transferring a child to a foster family is always accompanied by stress for all participants in this process. But soon the foster family for the child will become the place in which he will feel safe.

Department of Family and Youth Policy

A number of organizations have been created to help foster families during the adaptation period, one of which is the Department of Family and Youth Policy. The department's activities include coordination in the field of family policy, making proposals for improving the legal framework on issues of guardianship and guardianship, and conducting various programs aimed at strengthening families, including adopted ones.

The Department of Family and Youth Policy helps place orphans in foster families, coordinates and methodologically provides local government bodies with respect to wards, and protects the rights of wards in families. If adopted child is experiencing any difficulties in the family, the department will always find somewhere to direct the energy of the developing child. And believe me, the energy will be directed in the right direction.

The Department of Family and Youth Policy involves young people in social policy and informs them about potential development opportunities. By maintaining contact with this body, you will always find activities for your child, whether he is interested in theater, sports or English. The department employs hundreds of specialists. Don't forget that the foster family of 2012 is not an island in the ocean, it is a part of the mainland that is interconnected with a whole network of other families. You are not separated from society. Please know that you can always turn to the Department of Family and Youth Policy for help. Your child's socialization can go much faster with the help of specialists.

Stage one. Obtaining information about the child.

Think about which child would be easier for you to get along with. It is better if he turns out to be close to you in temperament - because if you are calm and reasonable, accustomed to not rushing anywhere and doing everything thoroughly, you will have a hard time with an active, lively child who does not sit still for a minute. If, on the contrary, you are quite impulsive, then a child with a character opposite to yours will constantly irritate you with his slowness.

Don’t rush to get to know your child right away; before doing so, you need to talk to a specialist. Pay close attention to the information you are given about him. Be sure to ask the following questions about your child:

Does the child have a permanent social worker?

Who will you be in contact with in the future?

Full name of the child, does he have any special name?

Child's age?

Ethical origin of the child?

Why does a child need to be placed in a foster family?

What is the child's legal status?

When will they make a decision on its design?

Was the child in other government institutions (orphanage, orphanage)?

How does a child react to being placed in foster care? What is his opinion about what is happening?

What is the situation in the child's biological family?

Does the child have relatives, brothers, sisters?

Is the child healthy?

Are there any allergic reactions to it?

Has the child or teenager been abused (if so, what happened to them?

How is the child's performance at school?

What is the child interested in?

What kind of children does he like to play with?

What does he like to eat?

Are there any problems with his behavior?

What should you prepare for the first meeting with your child?

What is the amount of pay for a foster parent, what benefits and compensation is the child entitled to?

Be sure to look at photographs of the child, talk to the teacher, psychologist, doctor, social worker, ask about the illnesses the child suffered, about his favorite books and toys, who he is friends with, whether he likes to play outdoor games, whether he is afraid of vaccinations.

Children are the same adults, only small ones. Children who end up in a shelter are little adults with enormous life experience. Each child has his own story, unlike the others, each child has his own experience of what happened to him.

Peculiarities physical development children.

Children left without parental care. They often differ in their health from children from wealthy families. Children who grow up without constant care from their parents have a number of characteristics, but this does not mean that they are more likely to get sick or suffer from chronic diseases. Most of the features are functional, that is, they can be corrected if the child’s health is given enough attention.

Most often, children left without parental care experience delayed physical development, which manifests itself in a decrease in height and weight of the child, compared to peers. After being placed in a family, provided proper nutrition and an active lifestyle, adopted children easily catch up with their peers. At first, the adopted child may experience digestive disorders (nausea, vomiting, heartburn, diarrhea or constipation, abdominal pain.

Along with growth, nutrition, and digestive characteristics, symptoms of neurological disorders are often encountered among adopted children, including:

Excitability, impulsiveness. Sometimes aggressiveness, absent-mindedness, poor concentration;

Slow reactions, lethargy;

Violation of general and fine motor skills;

Speech disorders;

Incontinence of urine (enuresis) or feces (encopresis)

Our advice is to be attentive to your child and consult a doctor on time.

Features of mental development of children.

The child's psyche is quite plastic, and in a loving home atmosphere the child will quickly return to normal.

Children may experience asthenic conditions that are associated with exhaustion nervous system. The child constantly feels weak, increased fatigue, and is characterized by frequent mood swings, increased irritability and tearfulness, and sleep may be disturbed.

What can cause asthenic conditions in children?

The reason may be that parents expect too much from their long-awaited adopted child. Many parents want their child to get straight A's, get a higher education, play music, play sports... After all, physical and mental overload can lead to nervous exhaustion and other disorders.

Secondly, asthenic conditions can arise as a result of an unfavorable situation in the child’s past. It is difficult to remain mentally healthy if your parents abuse alcohol and constantly create scandals in front of your eyes. Keep in mind that tensions in new family between adoptive parents can lead to the fact that the child begins to worry that something is wrong, that he is to blame for something, and begins to think that the nightmare that happened in his birth family may repeat itself. Such experiences deplete the child’s internal strength, lead to behavioral disorders and disharmonious development.

Neuroses of fear manifest themselves in the fact that children begin to be afraid of something or someone. It is believed that if a child at 4-4.5 years old is afraid of something, then this is normal. This is how he works out his “internal program” - he needs to learn to be afraid, learn to be careful. If fears linger further, or become obsessive, then this is a reason to consult a specialist. Fears can manifest themselves in different ways. Often a child

cannot fall asleep alone in a dark room, he may be afraid of evil people, animals, fantasy characters. In children, especially junior schoolchildren, school phobias may also occur. Teenagers often have a fear of death and fear for their relatives.

Under no circumstances should foster parents tell their child that they will send him back to the orphanage if he does not obey! The child already has a great fear of loss. loved one, such threats will only worsen his feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt!

Children may experience sleep and appetite disturbances, especially at the beginning of their stay in a new family. There are two types of sleep disorders: the child cannot fall asleep, and, conversely, the child is too sleepy. A child cannot sleep most often due to excessive activity and excitability. Increased sleepiness of a child is associated with an asthenic state. Appetite disturbances occur in children when they go from conditions in which they did not eat enough to conditions where they can eat as much as they want. Usually children start eating a lot, they stock up (hide bread, sweets), but over time, usually after 1-3 months, this goes away. Food habits are among the most persistent and powerful. Therefore, new dishes must be introduced gradually and carefully. You can’t change children’s eating habits right away. Also, parents may need time to teach their child to behave properly at the table and eat with cutlery. It is necessary to pay attention to cases when a child suddenly changes his eating behavior: for example, he ate normally and suddenly begins to refuse food, or, conversely, begins to eat too much. In such cases, you need to talk to your doctor about what is behind these changes.

Features of intellectual development

Almost all children who find themselves in orphanages have certain intellectual problems: a limited supply of knowledge. Insufficient development of individual mental functions, low mental performance, delayed mental development, pedagogical neglect.

Pedagogical neglect is a deficit of knowledge and skills due to a lack of intellectual information.

Mental retardation - mental retardation- this is a temporary lag, a slowdown in the mental development of a child, which can be overcome in whole or in part under certain conditions. Mental retardation is not mental retardation. If doctors have diagnosed your child with mental retardation, you should not be afraid or ashamed, since mental retardation is diagnosed in 50% of children who fail at school. These children have a limited stock of knowledge and ideas, gaming interests predominate (they like to walk more than study). They usually quickly get bored with intellectual activities, which attract them little. Unlike children with mental retardation. Children with mental retardation are quite smart within the limits of their existing knowledge and use the help of an adult much more productively. At the same time, in some cases, a delay in the development of the emotional-volitional sphere (simplicity, superficiality of emotions, their instability, weakness of volitional effort) will come to the fore. In other cases, slow development of cognitive functions will prevail (immaturity of active attention, weakened memory, difficulties in developing reading, writing or counting skills)

School problems are very often associated with the emotional distress of children. Difficult experiences and constant internal tension take away a lot of mental and physical strength. The child has difficulty concentrating in class. He gets tired quickly. Depressed mood does not allow you to realize your learning abilities.

Ways to overcome problems in intellectual development children.

Creation of favorable living and educational conditions.

In order for a child to develop successfully, it is necessary:

Stable positive communication with close adults. Walks together, games, a bedtime story - all this is “positive communication”; let there be as much of it as possible in your family;

Take care of his basic physical and psychological needs. Basic physical needs or needs are food, sleep, warmth, shelter, fresh air, sunlight. Movement, rest, prevention of diseases and injuries. Basic psychological needs are the need for affection and love; feeling of psychological safety. Feeling of self-respect. Opportunity to learn from experience; realizing one’s abilities, achieving independence and self-sufficiency. The basic psychological need of a child is to be loved by his parents or people who replace them.

Accept your child for who he is. You love your child not because he knows a lot of poems by heart, but because he is the one and only, you can’t argue with that, right?

Support your child in overcoming difficulties. Tie your shoelaces. Brushing your teeth and putting syllables into words is not difficult at all when mom and dad help!

Stimulate cognitive interests. Encourage his interest and never brush off questions!

Balance the requirements with the child’s capabilities. You cannot blame a child with mental retardation for not knowing or not being able to do something that his healthier peers have long mastered.

Great patience from adults. Calm, just calm. You will need patience in huge quantities. Patience in order not to go crazy with a thousand and one “whys”, patience

in order not to get irritated. When a child cannot remember the names of the months. Although you have been teaching for several days, patience when he does something completely different from what you need.

Optimistic attitude.

Contact specialists if necessary.

Do not forget about preventive examinations and be sure to visit all necessary doctors in a timely manner.

Features of the emotional development of children.

Children deprived of parental care, regardless of age, often experience difficulties in emotional sphere. He may be characterized by increased aggressiveness, outbursts of anger, and tearfulness. His mood can change dramatically, for no apparent reason. In addition, he may completely not understand manifestations of love - he may run away and hide if you want to hug and kiss him. Emotional disturbances are usually present in children who have not formed or have developed a sense of attachment with disturbances. Deep emotional connections with significant people serve as the basis and source of vitality for the child. They lay basic trust in the world, create conditions for active knowledge of the world around us and meaningful communication.

Child abuse.

Young children are especially vulnerable to abuse. They have no way to escape violence or receive emotional support outside the family. How earlier child faced with abuse, the poorer his experience of a warm and trusting relationship with his mother, the more his mental and emotional development suffers.

Child abuse is any action or inaction on the part of parents that results in physical and mental development, health

and the well-being of the child, as well as his rights and freedoms are infringed.

Main forms of child abuse:

Physical violence;

Sexual violence;

Emotionally abused;

Neglecting the child's basic needs.

Psychological violence against a child.

Psychological violence accompanies all forms of child abuse. Its influence is more destructive to the child’s personality compared to physical and even sexual violence.

Main types of psychological violence against children.

Ignoring. Inability or unwillingness to express love and care towards the child; depriving the child of the necessary support, sympathy, ignoring his basic needs in a safe environment.

Rejection. Open rejection, constant criticism. Negative comparisons, placing excessive demands on the child that are inappropriate for his age and capabilities. Public humiliation, demonstration of his negative qualities.

Threats. Threats of punishment, beatings or violence against a child or someone he loves, insult and humiliation.

Insulation. Establishing unreasonable restrictions on a child’s communication with peers, relatives or other adults, prohibiting or restricting leaving home without sufficient grounds.

Corruption. Inducement to the development of antisocial behavior (theft, prostitution, pornography), involvement in the use of alcohol, drugs, encouragement of self-destructive behavior.

Consequence of abuse .

Delayed mental and emotional development in young children;

High level of aggressiveness, directed both at others and at oneself;

Low level of self-esteem, low self-esteem;

Closedness, distrust of others;

High anxiety, fearfulness;

Emotional imbalance;

Depressed mood, even depression;

Psychosomatic and nervous breakdowns.

Behavioral disorders in children are often an indicator of emotional distress and indicate a child’s struggle for attention or power, a desire for revenge, or a demonstration of his inadequacy. Once in a shelter, children experience double psychological trauma: on the one hand, they suffered from abuse in their family, and on the other, they are having a hard time breaking up with it.

How to help children with emotional problems.

Emotional problems, as a rule, are somewhat more difficult and longer to overcome than physical or even intellectual problems. Here again the rule comes into play - your love, care and support, plus the help of specialists, if necessary, will help overcome any difficulties.

What does the child need first?

An atmosphere of warmth and acceptance;

The ability to express your feelings;

A new model of family relationships (trust, goodwill, respect, emotional support, reasonable requirements and responsibilities, optimistic attitude)

Help from a psychologist, psychoneurologist;

Training of future adoptive parents;

Communication with other adoptive families.

Adequate self-esteem is very important for proper personality development. The higher the self-esteem, the more confident the child behaves. the easier it is for him to cope with difficulties and problems.

When communicating with your child, try to increase his self-esteem. To do this:

Notice the smallest successes and rejoice in them;

Compare him only with himself yesterday, and not with other children;

Praise him for specific achievements and just be glad that he lives with you;

Maintain a 5:1 praise-to-blame ratio

Allow your child to make mistakes, have his own opinion, and the right to choose.

Help him find friends

Remember that school grades are not the main and only indicator of a child’s well-being.

Features of emotional contact with the immediate environment play a decisive role, both in the origin of various disorders of emotional development and in overcoming them.

We cannot cancel a child’s past experiences, but we can help him in the present and thereby influence his future.

Symptoms that require you to contact a specialist:

If a child twitches individual muscles of the face or body, he constantly sobs, sniffles

If your child has become irritable and has frequent outbursts of anger

If the child feels lethargic, weak, gets tired quickly

If a child is tormented by fears

If your child's appetite has decreased or increased excessively

If the child has difficulty falling asleep, waking up at night, talking, crying out during sleep, restless sleep

If your child's performance at school has declined

If your child sucks his thumb, pulls out hair, bites and bites his nails, or rocks in bed before going to sleep

If a child masturbates in front of everyone, without embarrassment

If your child has recurring headaches, dizziness, or motor awkwardness

If the child has nocturnal or daytime enuresis, encopresis.

Stage two

Meeting the child.

When getting to know your child, it will help you:

If you turn to face him during a conversation

If you maintain eye contact

If you sit next to you on a chair, if the child is small and it will be uncomfortable for him to look up at you

If you determine the psychological distance preferred by the child

If you listen carefully to your child

If you avoid asking your child a lot of questions, but on the contrary, tell him about yourself or your family

If you are emotionally reserved, you should not press him to your chest at the first meeting, this may frighten the child

You should not delay the first visit so as not to tire your child and not tire yourself. Say goodbye to your child and never lie to him if he asks if you will come again. If you are not sure, it is better to honestly tell him: “I don’t know.”

Remember that all children are different and behave differently. Someone can immediately call you mom, dad, or hug you. Kiss. Someone, on the contrary, will be afraid to come closer or cry.

Stage three. Invitation to visit

The time of the first visit does not exceed an hour or two, the time can be gradually increased. And then just invite the child for an overnight stay on the weekend.

You should not turn this visit into a viewing party - your friends and relatives will have time to meet him later. Now it is enough that only family members with whom the child has already met during your visits to the shelter are at home. You shouldn’t overload your child on the first visit - you will still have time to play all the games with them and read all the books to them. If all goes well, you will be able to take the child with you for the holidays, at this stage the parent should not make promises about the future. The child must understand that he is only visiting for now and what will happen next is not yet known. Therefore, you should not call the child a son (daughter), and also make far-reaching joint plans.

Stage four . Registration of a foster family

Next. If everything goes well, the parent prepares documents and, if necessary, registers a family educational group (FEG). The SVG is a structural unit of a child care institution and is often preparatory stage in the design of such forms of family life for a child as adoption, guardianship (trusteeship), foster family. As a rule, a family educational group is registered if the child was in an orphanage before entering a foster family.

Registration of a foster family - in order to become foster parents, it is necessary to submit an application to the guardianship and trusteeship authority at the place of residence with a request to give an opinion on the possibility of becoming foster parents.

The following documents are attached to the application:

Passport and copy of passport

Certificate of employment indicating the position and salary, or a copy of the income statement

Forms 7 and 9 confirming the availability of housing

Characteristics from the place of work

Medical certificate of health in form 164/u-96 and other documents, depending on the situation. Four main dispensaries must include their conclusions in this certificate:

Tuberculosis, psychoneurological, dermatovenereal and drug addiction.

A certificate of no criminal record, an autobiography, a copy of the marriage certificate, specialists from the guardianship and trusteeship authority consider all the proposed documents and draw up an act based on the results of an examination of the living conditions of persons wishing to take a child into the family. After this, the guardianship authorities make a decision on the possibility of becoming adoptive parents. A conclusion on the possibility of becoming adoptive parents must be issued within 20 days from the date of submission of the application.

Adaptation of a child in a foster family.

For you and for the child, a period of adaptation begins - adaptation and adaptation to the changed environment. Adaptation is different for everyone. This is a rather complex and lengthy process, it can take about a year.

At each stage, both the child and the parents are faced with certain tasks and difficulties arise that are specific to this period in the development of relationships. Parents should know that the behavior of a child caught in new family, there are patterns. Some stages of adaptation must be completed. And the problems that sometimes arise indicate that the development of relations is going in the right direction.

First stage “Honeymoon”

This stage begins even before the child’s final arrival in the family - during his first visits. This is a convenient intermediate stage in the development of the relationship between a child and parents, as it does not involve much responsibility. At this stage everything is going just fine. Parents try to make the child feel good, encourage him, give him gifts, give him all the accumulated affection and tenderness. The child tries his best to please. He enjoys the situation, he likes his new family, cozy apartment, good attitude, new toys. Some children may immediately call you “Mom” and “Dad.”

Treat your child’s feelings with care and be restrained in your attitude towards him at this stage. You shouldn’t, especially at the first stage, call him son and daughter and claim paternity. Another important point, which must be taken into account: from the child’s point of view, he loses his blood family not at the moment when he enters “neutral territory” - in a children's institution, but when he comes to a foster family. Often the child experiences guilt and feels like a traitor. In any case, he needs your support.

Remember that new experiences can have a negative impact on the child. The child may experience anxiety and have difficulty sleeping. His mood may alternate between ups and downs, and he may try to do everything at once. Please be as attentive as possible to him. During this period, it will be better if one of the family members takes a vacation to help the child, even a big one, get used to the new place.

Introduce your child to the apartment, what is where, what is turned on where. You can gradually expand new spaces. Take a walk down the street together. Show your child the future kindergarten or school, bakery, post office, clinic, park. “Don’t try to overwhelm your child with new experiences! His psyche may not be able to cope with a large amount of information. Also, remember not to get too close to your child too quickly at this stage. Both he and you need help."

Second stage “No longer a guest”

The second stage of adaptation in a foster family is characterized by a relationship crisis. It may seem to you that an obedient and sweet child has suddenly been replaced. He stops obeying and doesn’t behave the way you want. You, in turn, may think, did you do the right thing by taking a child into your family? Have you made a mistake? Will you never be able to find common language with a child? Calm down. What is happening to you now is a natural process, and in most cases it indicates that family relationships are developing correctly.

The main causes of the crisis.

The emergence of trust in adoptive parents and the weakening of the “emotional spring”

As strange as it may sound, the deterioration of a child’s behavior should be considered as a good sign that pleases specialists and trained parents. The child tried very hard to please adults throughout the entire period, conventionally called

“honeymoon” He tried to restrain in his behavior those manifestations that, as he assumed, others might not like, he was afraid that he “wouldn’t suit” his new parents and he would be returned to the orphanage.

However, it is impossible to restrain yourself for long. What is compressed will be released at the first opportunity. An even, friendly and caring attitude in the family is permission for the child to “let go” of emotional tension, give it free rein, and begin to react to stressful situations in the usual way, formed in a “past” life. In fact, from this time on, the child begins to trust the family with his true, not entirely attractive sides, which is a sign of closeness in a relationship. The child feels that he will not be driven away

The emergence of trust in a parent is a very important moment in the life of an adoptive family, on which they can congratulate themselves.

The child’s unpreparedness for emerging demands and expectations.

Perhaps your own mistakes contributed to the deterioration of your child’s behavior. Perhaps you, without even realizing it, expect gratitude from your child. The child, of course, is grateful to you, but does not yet know how to express it. The ability to give thanks is something that a child will learn in a foster family. Maybe you attribute to the child more knowledge and skills than he has. You should not immediately expect great success from your child in school.

An increase in children's anxiety due to an incomplete understanding of their place and role in the host family.

This circumstance can further disturb a little person. The child requires clarification from adults about his future. But before starting such a conversation, it is necessary to coordinate this issue with social workers. The conversation can go along the following lines: “Your parents cannot take care of you now. We will take care of you. We will try to make you feel good with us."

Previous traumatic life experience child.

When a child trusts his family, he begins to symbolically talk about his intra-family relationships in his “former” life. He simply needs to relive his past experience with the help of emotions and actions, which will give him the opportunity to develop further normally.

At the stage of crisis, an adopted child may develop an excessive fixation on cleanliness or, conversely, on dirt. Some children suddenly become overly concerned about their health. For an unprepared parent, the child’s behavior at this stage of adaptation can cause a feeling of despair, which can lead to false conclusions: I got the “wrong” child, I can’t cope with the child, I’m a bad teacher. To overcome this difficult period, you need to remember that you have a lot of responsibility as a foster parent, so you should not give up easily. It is always harder for a child to adapt than for an adult. Well, in the most difficult moments. Repeat to yourself: a crisis is necessary for the adoptive family.

A crisis always helps parents discover their child's problems. You have a great opportunity to get to know and understand him better.

It is impossible to move to the next stage of adaptation in a foster family without passing the crisis stage. Unresolved emotional problems will remind themselves again and again and pull the family back.

Having gone through the crisis, you will gain the necessary confidence and become a more highly qualified teacher, which will undoubtedly help you achieve great success in strengthening your family.

The child also begins to feel more confident in the family: he knows for sure that he will not be kicked out, even if he does something wrong.

When the crisis is successfully overcome, the child’s anxiety level decreases and self-esteem increases, which allows him to build more harmonious relationships with family members.

"Getting used to it"

At this stage, your family may also experience some problems. It often happens that parents do not pay enough attention to natural children, if they are in the family. Increased attention to an adopted child can irritate natural children and cause rejection, jealousy, and rebellion. They, like the foster child, may also begin to behave badly, their mood and performance at school decrease.

As a rule, at this stage both the adoptive parents and the child breathe freely. The child begins to truly feel at home and accepts the rules of behavior accepted in the family. The child’s appearance changes: he gains weight, the condition of his skin and hair improves, and allergic reactions stop. The child becomes more independent and self-confident. It should be remembered that any change in the family can have a traumatic effect on a child who is just beginning to get used to it (death of one of the family members, departure on a business trip, illness and hospitalization, birth of a child, arrival of guests for a long period of time)

"Stabilization of relations"

At this stage, the family finally becomes a family. Everyone knows what place they occupy in each other's lives, all family members are satisfied family life. An adopted child behaves in the same way as natural children; he is calm for himself and for his future, although he may be worried about the fate of his biological parents and other problems. He starts going to school with pleasure. kindergarten or school. If a child feels good in a new family, he may be less likely to talk about his previous life and remember troubles. He will have new interests and new attachments that he lacked. Blood children gain invaluable life experience in helping the weak and pride in their parents. The foundations for the successful functioning of their future families are laid. The quality of life of all family members and the family as a whole improves.

Adaptation of adoptive parents.

Under no circumstances should adoptive parents forget about themselves and their feelings. After all, adaptation in a new family occurs on both sides - the child gets used to the new environment, but you also have to get used to it! Therefore, you must definitely remember that you are also experiencing stress, you also need help - from your spouse, other family members, social workers, psychologists. Do not hesitate to ask for help, this will protect yourself from emotional breakdowns and psychosomatic illnesses.

What should a foster parent remember during adaptation?

It is possible that you had too rosy expectations about how your relationship with your child would turn out. Don't fall into despair if something doesn't go as you imagined. Everything has its time. You will definitely be able to build a harmonious, trusting relationship. Remember, being a foster parent is a job. Which requires certain costs: emotional, temporary and others. And, like any other job, it requires rest. This does not mean that you need to forget about yourself and completely immerse yourself in the child’s problems. There are probably people around who will help you, walk with your child while you rest a little. No matter how attentive you are to your child, never forget to listen to yourself. Keep in touch with other parents.

The child needs unconditional love parent - love that does not depend on any circumstances, the child’s behavior, his successes and shortcomings

The child should feel that his parents respect him, accept him for who he is, trust him, this will allow the child to be confident in himself and in his relationship with his parents

Under no circumstances should a child be afraid of a parent

It is better to leave the child the freedom to make decisions as much as possible, rather than demand blind obedience from him

It's better to use rewards than punishments

It is necessary to treat with understanding everything that happens to the child, not to make critical comments to him, it is absurd to criticize what may have been the norm of behavior in the child’s “past” life.

What to do if a child is lying?

Young children usually lie in such a way that it is immediately easy to notice. More often, the reason for lying is that the child needs to attract the attention of adults. Some children have big imaginations and need to use their imagination from time to time.

What if children really lie, for example, to hide some unseemly act of theirs? The main thing is not to commit hasty reprisals and not to make hasty conclusions. Listen to the child carefully, think privately about the hidden reasons for the lie. Find the right moment for a confidential conversation and tell him how you feel about what is happening. Talk about the unpleasant consequences for a child that a lie can lead to. Sometimes children lie because they think telling the truth will make you angry or upset. Therefore, it is always important to remember that children cannot be punished for telling the truth. You must be ready to listen to any truth, no matter how bitter it may be.

Often parents do not realize that they themselves teach their children to lie when it suits them. In most cases, this concerns small things, such as a request to answer the phone and say that the parents are not at home. But it is fundamentally important for the child to realize that the parent does not lie under any circumstances.

Children's lies tell us the truth about state of mind child, about his fears and hopes. The correct response to a lie expresses understanding, not denial of its true meaning!

What to do if a child steals?

First, the two of you need to calmly talk about what happened, without incriminating or blaming. Namely, talk respectfully, including about the feelings that the child experienced at the time of the theft and after.

The next important task is to simply teach, the way we teach little children. child - correct behavior. You can simply say, “You know, I want you to do things differently next time.” It is necessary... This is necessary in order to...” After such an agreement, the child will calm down: now he knows how to look for a way out of the situation that has baffled him and forced him to steal.

Don't forget to follow a few more simple rules:

Firstly, you yourself must be firmly convinced that you cannot take someone else’s

Secondly, you must understand that the child needs to own his own property (personal toys, clothes) and have his own pocket money

You need to teach your child norms of behavior based on the interests of other people, and not on the threat of punishment.

You have no right to demand trust from a child if you refuse him everything.

What to do if your child often experiences fear?

Many children have a variety of fears. Some are afraid of the dark, some of strangers, some of animals. Children may experience fear of the outside world, fear of being abandoned again. Some children will never say that they are afraid of something, but their worries may cause them to have a fever, a stomach ache, or a headache.

It is very important that parents themselves do not provoke fears in children; do not panic if a child falls off a bicycle; it is better to take pity on the child, because he is in pain, and provide him with the necessary help. Do not tell your child about your fears and illnesses. Children are very suggestible and tend to adopt their parents' fears in an exaggerated form. You need to be careful about watching evening movies. It's better not to read to children at night scary tales and stories. To overcome some fears, sometimes it is enough to simply explain certain phenomena to the child.

When putting your child to bed, wish him Good night, if necessary, turn on the night light and calm down that you still have chores to do. If your child calls you unnecessarily, just wish him good night again and no longer run to every call.

It happens that a child uses fears to manipulate parents or attract attention. In such cases, it is necessary to find out the purpose of the child’s demonstrative fears and how they fit into the overall picture of his behavior.

Increased excitability - what is it?

Increased excitability in children is usually characterized by an excessively intense emotional reaction to all stimuli, even the weakest. An overly excitable, spontaneous, hyperactive child is easily involved in all activities, has a good sense of the emotional mood of other participants in the event and quickly reacts to changes in the situation. Everything new only pleases and interests such a child.

Initiative and flexibility allow him to quickly change behavioral strategies, adapting to the environment. The spontaneity of a child who has a lot of energy can naturally be accompanied by increased temper and irritability. In a group of children, a hyperactive child is more likely than others to enter into contact situations for a variety of different, sometimes insignificant reasons.

Conformity and flexibility can create preconditions for inconsistency of intentions, which is often observed in children with increased activity. The ease of switching attention creates the basis for the formation of restlessness (the child quickly gets involved in activities, but also quickly cools down and gets tired. Increased fatigue, impaired concentration and memory can also contribute to the formation of unstable character traits with a decrease in the sense of responsibility characteristic of these children.

How to help a hyperactive child?

From early childhood, a hyperactive child needs a play space that is thought out by an adult, where conditions for cleaning toys are easy and pleasant for the child.

Knowing about the child’s increased excitability, try to ensure that no more than two or three people take part in the games. To perform more serious tasks - adult helps his pupil organize his workplace. An individual desk and additional shelves with compartments are needed so that each item has its own place. It is advisable to remove all unnecessary things from the room, turn off the radio or TV, since a hyperactive child does not know how to weed out unnecessary, distracting factors.

It is important for the child that the adult behaves consistently, that he always tries to speak slowly and calmly. We must not forget to react and respond to any positive changes in the child’s behavior, no matter how insignificant they may be.

Allocate as much time as possible for the active motor activities the child needs, in which excess energy is successfully spent.

What to do if a child blackmails his parents?

Some adoptive parents try to compensate for the child’s past negative experiences by starting to pamper him and take extra care of him. Parents

To be afraid that the child will feel that he is not loved enough, that his own child would be treated differently. And many children begin to take advantage of this, they learn to manipulate their parents. The more spoiled a child is, the more often he makes his own, often impossible, demands to his parents. Sometimes children justify themselves by saying that they are adopted, they believe that everyone should help them, “dance around them.” They use their past to explain their unsettlement, their bad behavior, etc.

It happens that children begin to threaten their parents that they will go back to the orphanage, return to their biological parents, etc. It is important to understand here that in reality children do not want to return to their previous living conditions, they are simply trying to get what they need from their parents in this way.

Don’t forget that children imitate adults in everything. Never say phrases like: “I'm sick because you behave badly at school” or “If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this.” This is nothing more than emotional blackmail.

What to do if a child has outbursts of aggression and irritation?

Initially, aggression in a child may arise as a protest against the restriction of his personal freedom. When the dominance of an adult exceeds the threshold acceptable for a child (the adult constantly leads, endlessly gives commands), then the child has no choice but to defend himself, otherwise his personality will suffer damage. A child’s aggression is most easily provoked by monotony and repetition (doing homework, putting things away, washing hands) as well as the stubbornness of an adult who forces the child to follow the rules for the sake of the rules themselves.

Hysterics, outbursts of aggression and irritation occur both in children raised in an ordinary family and in adopted children. This is one way to manipulate parents and other adults. Often children understand well that parents react very painfully to screaming and tears and use this means to achieve their own goals. Children may scream and scream, throw themselves on the floor and hit their legs and heads on the floor,

destroying things and threatening to run away from home. Parents are often frightened by such strong expressions of emotion, and they give in to the child in despair. Some parents try to distract the child's attention, others punish or try to force him to stop.

hysterical. All of these ways of responding to a child's tantrums usually do not lead to positive results.

The most in an efficient way The way to combat outbursts of discharge in a child is to deprive him of the viewer. If the parents remain unperturbed and these scenes do not make any impression on them, then the child is unlikely to try to repeat such a performance. Parents who ignore a child's outburst should not mention it after the child has calmed down; they should talk to the child as if nothing had happened.

When a child is small, you should not leave him alone during a tantrum. It's not safe at all. Many psychologists do not recommend lifting a child from the floor and forcibly picking him up in a moment of rage. But if the child himself asks to be held, his request should be fulfilled. However, any moralizing at this moment will be premature.

Often adopted children cannot do without these outbursts negative emotions, they need to pour out everything they have accumulated. It is important that this does not turn into a stereotype of behavior. It is necessary to teach children to relieve their aggression, irritation and other negative emotions in acceptable ways. The discharge method can be physical activity, games in which there is an element of competition, games in which it is acceptable to express one’s anger. For every negative moment there is a positive one. \presence of aggression often indicates creativity a child, about his desire to explore the world, look for new ways to solve problems, invent and improve. For a child with increased aggressiveness, creating things with your own hands has a huge additional meaning. Experience shows that ordinary things break more often in the hands of those children. Those who do not have skills in independent manual creativity. Anyone who has done something himself carefully guards his treasure and is more careful about the results of the work of others. The point of frugality and attentive attitude to the professional activities of adults begins to live in him.

What to do if a child swears obscenely.

Children who have been in unfavorable conditions for a long time very often use obscene expressions and are inclined to speak disrespectfully with adults. It is quite difficult to wean an already large child from swearing, and here it is important for parents to adhere to the requirements they put forward. You cannot react emotionally to the wrong words of a child, as this can lead to this. That he will use swear words to get attention. It is necessary to repeat to the child as calmly and methodically as possible that these words cannot be said, but that another word can be used. Discuss with your child the meaning of swear words. Try to find synonymous normative expressions. Explain that swearing is a sign of linguistic impotence. That a self-respecting person will always find many other words with which to express his feelings. It will be unbearably difficult for a child to unlearn obscene words if you yourself do not always refrain from them, for example, during an accidental emotional outburst.

What to do if a child does not study well?

Children left without parental care often experience pedagogical neglect, they lag behind their peers in intellectual development, and the school curriculum is more difficult for them. This often leads to the fact that adoptive parents make incredible efforts to ensure that the child learns better. But if a parent forces the child to study too often, this can lead to the fact that school becomes even more hateful for him and the desire to learn disappears completely. Parents should try to make the most of game forms training. You need to try to interest the child in the process of acquiring new knowledge. Don't scold your adopted child for bad grades. Don't grab your head, don't worry in vain. You can correct a bad grade, you can master any subject if you don’t waste time on empty worries and sorting things out. Responsibility for implementation homework should lie completely on the child. Parents who constantly help their child do homework will ensure that the child feels more and more insecure when completing classwork and tests; if necessary, special forms and methods of teaching can be used (shifting the start of school, gentle regime, training in a correctional class or a school for children with delayed mental retardation. As soon as the child catches up with his peers and achieves certain success, he can be transferred back to a regular class. Help your child fall in love with one school subject - and gradually it will become easier for him to cope with other subjects.

What is adequate nutrition for a child?

Complete and correct organized meals is of great importance for the development of the child. It increases the body's endurance and its resistance to various diseases. Food is a source of energy necessary for the functioning of all organs and systems.

Never force feed your children or make threats like: “Until you eat, you won’t leave the table!” This does not add to the appetite, but it leads to despair. If your child hasn't finished eating, simply remove the plate, but warn him that he won't get any cookies until dinner. If the child gets hungry after some time, offer him his uneaten portion, heated in the microwave.

Don't give your children a choice: porridge or ice cream - children are not able to make a choice in favor of something healthy over something tasty. Just ask him: “How many spoons of porridge will you have - three or five?”

Children with reduced appetite are well influenced by the design of dishes or tables. Try to decorate ordinary dishes. Give them a festive look.

Try to make your child's diet more varied. Few adults like the same porridge for breakfast.

Don't make a cult out of food. Don't reward your child with his favorite meal or a trip to his favorite diner. Food is simply a necessity of life, pleasant, but nothing more! But playing in the park after lunch is much more pleasant than sitting for half an hour with a bowl of soup.

How to teach a child to handle money?

It is possible that your adopted child simply did not have the opportunity to learn how to handle money. However, this is a very important skill, and the sooner you get it, the better.

It's already 5-6 year old child You can give some money once a week, for example, during a Sunday walk. Let him decide for himself what he will spend it on - ice cream, juice or a toy. It is important that he understands that having made a choice, he will have to give up something else.

Involve children in discussions about major purchases and try to seriously listen to their opinions. Pocket money - good way Teach children how to spend money wisely. And, of course, the most important thing is that the child must understand that money is achieved through hard work and know its value.

Should you punish your child?

Of course, ideally it would be better to completely abandon punishment. But, unfortunately, it is unlikely that anyone could manage without them while raising a child.

Remember the main thing: punishment is not a constant practice, but special case. This is an immediate reaction to an unacceptable, and possibly dangerous, act. It can only be short. You cannot punish a child for something you can do yourself: for example, spill soup or break a cup. Make allowances for the child's age. Never punish him for not doing something that was inaccessible to him due to his age.

Under no circumstances should you punish unless you are absolutely sure of the child’s guilt. This is not a case where you should rely on your intuition. No matter how much you trust her, it may happen that punishment overtakes the innocent - and this is unacceptable if you do not want to lose the trust of your child. Experts recommend replacing punishments with “negative consequences,” which are a logical consequence of a child’s misbehavior. In any case, physical punishment should not be used under any circumstances.

Children need to be distracted, persuaded, explained. Such upbringing is based on the principle of logical and natural consequences (the child is introduced to all possible consequences, which his wrong behavior can lead to), of course requires a lot of costs, both time and moral. Is it worth it? Definitely yes!

How to help your child cope with depression?

When a child is removed from his or her parents' home, he or she must endure numerous losses and bereavements, which can cause stress and depression even in young children. How would you feel if you had to go through 6

Limitation of communication with your blood parents and its complete absence

Death of one or both parents

Limitation of communication with their blood brothers and sisters or complete interruption of contact (if children are assigned to different places)

Parting with family, neighbors, as well as teachers, educators and friends

Changing your usual lifestyle.

Sadness is an emotional response to deprivation and loss experienced by a child. Usually everyone goes through the same process in trying to cope with their grief and sadness. Typically, this process includes five stages:

Shock/denial (how could something like this happen to me)

Anger (I'm incredibly angry that you left me)

Bargain deal (if I behave well, my mother will come back and take me to her place)

Despair (I'll never go back home)

Acceptance-understanding (it’s not safe for me to live in my parents’ house right now (I’ll live with a foster family for now, it’s very good here)

Your support and help as your child goes through the stages of anger and despair will largely determine how the child himself will cope with such an emotional state in the future.

The most important thing you can do for a child who is experiencing sadness is to listen carefully when they need to speak up. Perhaps this will not happen immediately, but only when the child feels completely safe. Do not distance yourself from the child, listen to him and remember: the fact that your adopted child misses his parental home and his biological parents does not mean that he rejects your care for him. You should not stop your baby when he starts crying. Tears soften mental pain. Remember that the experience of loss can affect behavior, so parents should be especially patient and caring towards the child.

Relationships with biological parents are one of the most painful topics for parents who have taken a child into their family. Here you need to be a truly wise person in order to find that golden mean that will allow the child to grow up as a harmonious person who does not reject his roots, and to create an atmosphere of openness, acceptance, and non-conflict in the adoptive family.

The attitude of a child towards his blood parents is an issue that cannot be hushed up. Even if the child does not particularly show interest in his past, we need to talk about his roots. Under no circumstances should adoptive parents judge biological parents or speak badly about them, even with the best intentions and intentions to protect the child from possible mental trauma. Try to feel gratitude to your blood parents for giving birth to this child, for the fact that you can be with him. Remember the importance of birth parents to a child's emotional life and never treat an adopted child's birth relative with carelessness or disrespect.

1. Copy of passport applicant - 8 pages (photo, registration, children, marital status)

2. Autobiography of the candidate(place of birth, social origin; education, work activity; marital status, children (place of work, education) - details, criminal record information)

3. Characteristic at the place of work

4. Characteristics by place of residence(3 signatures of neighbors, certified by the head of the housing department or from the district police officer)

5. Certificates from the employer about position and salary(for the last 12 months and average wages (valid for 1 year)) and 2 personal income taxes on the amount of wages.

For pensioners, a certificate of pension amount -.

6. Pension certificate.

7. Medical report on the candidate’s health status as guardians

8. Certificate from the housing department f.23-KH about the composition of the candidate’s family, personal account statement. This document is requested as part of interdepartmental cooperation; the applicant has the right to submit it on his own initiative.

9. Copies warrant or other legal document for residential premises, certificates of registration of ownership.

10. Certificates of no criminal record from the Chelyabinsk City Internal Affairs Directorate this document is requested as part of interdepartmental cooperation.

11. Copy of certificate on marriage/divorce (for unmarried women - birth certificate)

12. Certificate of completion of training of persons who wish to adopt into their family a child left without parental care on the territory of the Russian Federation.

13. Conclusion psychological readiness citizens to create a foster family (by personally contacting the center for social assistance to families and children. (at the request of the Department of Guardianship and Trusteeship) Metallurgov, 6/1

Note

• Family members of candidates (over 10 years old) write a statement of consent to accept the child into the family in the department of guardianship and trusteeship
• After presenting the specified documents, applicants write an application with a request to prepare a reasoned opinion on the possibility of registering them as candidates for a foster family / guardians
• A specialist from the guardianship department inspects the living quarters of candidates and prepares an inspection report, which reflects whether it is possible for foster children / ward children to live there
• Based on the submitted documents and the examination report, the specialist prepares a conclusion on the possibility of citizens to be adoptive parents/guardians/trustees.
• Upon receipt of the conclusion, candidates for adoptive parents/guardians are given the opportunity to familiarize themselves with a data bank about children left without parental care.
• A referral is issued to meet the child.
• Candidates write a statement based on the results of meeting the child about their consent to accept the child into the family.

Application samples:

1. Application for the preparation of an opinion on the possibility of being a guardian. Download

2. Statement of consent to accept an adopted child into the family. Download

3. Statement from a citizen based on the results of visiting the child and the decision he made. Download

4. Statement of consent of a family member to accept a child into the family. Download

5. Statement of consent of a family member for the child to live in the family. Download

6. Application from a citizen who has expressed a desire to become a guardian or trustee or to accept children left without parental care into a family for upbringing in other forms established by the family legislation of the Russian Federation (minors). Download

7. A citizen’s statement based on the results of familiarization with the medical report on the child’s health condition and the decision he made after visiting the child. Download

8. Application from a citizen who has expressed a desire to become a guardian or trustee or to accept children left without parental care into a family for upbringing in other forms established by the family legislation of the Russian Federation (minors). Download

9. Statement of consent of a minor when transferring him to the family of a guardian. Download