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One of the signs of a person’s wisdom and maturity is the ability to take responsibility for one’s decisions and actions, as well as for their consequences. You may be a wise person yourself, but if you work in a company or are a leader, you are likely to encounter people who are not. These can be very talented individuals who are not responsible for their affairs and decisions. Our article is devoted to strategies that will help you change this state of affairs.

Signs and Symptoms of Lack of Accountability

Sometimes it's hard to notice when a person doesn't want to take responsibility. However, there are several signs:

• Loss of interest in work and team success
• Blaming others for one's own failures
• Missed deadlines
• Avoiding difficult tasks and projects
• Lack of desire to take risks
• Regular complaints about unfair treatment, self-pity
• Dependence on the activities of other people
• Lack of trust in the team
• Frequent excuses

Strategies

When a team member doesn't take responsibility for their actions, some managers hope that it will go away soon. Others decide to fire such a person.

None of these approaches are ideal, and each is likely to make things worse. Instead of taking such measures, you should provide people with the necessary resources and instill in them the skills that will help them cope effectively with their responsibilities. Creating the right atmosphere can also help a person take responsibility for his actions and decisions.

Here are some strategies that will allow you to do this.

Start with a conversation

If a person does not want to take responsibility, then the reason is not always his character and poor attitude towards responsibilities. It is quite possible that he is worried about something, so talk to him frankly and find out the reason. In the end, negative events happen in everyone's life that affect work and life.

When it comes to liability, there are two options:

1. The person does not want to take it upon himself.
2. A person does not want to take responsibility for his actions.

Even though these are two separate cases, they most often go hand in hand. Find out what type of liability you are dealing with and discuss it with the person.

Provide people with the resources they need

Every person needs conditions and resources in order to do their job efficiently. This could be equipment, training, access to information, and so on.

If you provide people with everything they need, they will no longer have the psychological advantage and desire to blame you for all their failures.

Assign roles, goals and responsibilities

Some team members may not understand what is expected of them. Clarify the roles and point them to the goals they need to achieve within a certain time frame. Also make sure that everything is clearly stated in your job description so that there are no misunderstandings.

Tell them that there are roles for both the individual and the team. Sometimes they can come into conflict, so convince your subordinates that the team comes first. When, they see the big picture better and begin to take responsibility.

Get people involved

Think about what attracts you to your work and why. Find out what motivates your team members and makes them passionate about their work. After all, an employee takes responsibility when he feels proud of what he does.

Engage people by discussing their values. Then show them how their values ​​fit into their roles and tasks. If you feel that the role and tasks are not suitable for a person, move him to another position.

Help people take control of the situation

Sometimes people feel like they have no control over their lives. Everything they do makes no sense because it doesn't bring results or change her.

People who believe that external forces influence their destinies are unable to develop. This attitude towards life is called and can undermine any person’s self-confidence. To change this thinking pattern, several conditions are required:

• Allow your team members to score some quick wins
• Build their confidence: Remind them of past successes and strengths
• Teach them positive thinking
• Help them fight

Don't micromanage

Micromanagement is a way of managing people in which the boss “looks over the shoulder” of his employee. Teach your people to be independent and do not control them too much. Even if they make mistakes, they will learn lessons and gain experience faster. Learn to delegate tasks correctly and give them freedom.

If you yourself have difficulty accepting responsibility, you want to understand more about your behavior, your values, team roles - you may find ours useful, in which, with the help of special psychological tests and exercises, you can conduct a comprehensive self-analysis and better understand yourself.

We wish you good luck!

Hello!

I I live with a civilian I have been my husband for almost 9 years.
We quickly started living together (I was 19 then and he was 22). At that time he was unemployed. There was no courtship in the form of flowers, gifts, trips to the cinema or cafe.

He chalked it all up to a lack of money and promised that everything would change as soon as he found a job. This period lasted 3-4 months. Of course, I was offended that, having no financial opportunity, he did not want, for example, to bring me lilacs picked on the way home, he did not want to spend time with me outside the house, and when financial opportunities appeared, nothing changed (For 3 years, we went to the cinema 2-3 times and to a cafe once). At that time, our problems were that I wanted more initiative, attention, and care from him, but I received this once a year on my birthday in the form of an expensive gift. At that moment, he wanted me to constantly clean the house, cook dinners for him, draw a bath before his arrival - so that I would create complete comfort for him, just as my mother created this comfort for him.) It’s not difficult, so I tried, but I gave in return I didn't feel it. Our relationship has always been one of trust, so we often talked about it, but the “clearance” did not come for long.

For about 8 years out of 9, we rented an apartment together with his friend. It was not possible to convince my husband* to live together, since it was difficult financially - I was studying at the university; The husband was financially secure, but was saving for an apartment. And here’s another problem of building relationships when someone else was constantly living in our apartment. And I also cared about this man. There are two men in the apartment - you have to feed them, then you have to wash the dishes after them, you have to clean up after them... I didn’t receive any gratitude from our neighbor either. At that time, I generally had the impression that, out of the kindness of my heart, I made myself a cleaner and everyone was happy with it, and then they decided that this was how it should be. And no thanks to you..

Another problem. Budget. He paid the rent. We bought both products. If I need a down jacket, I buy it for myself. If I urgently need money, then I can ask him, but it would be preferable to pay off the debt). Maybe I’m wrong that a man is obliged to support his family, but at least I would be pleased if my man would like to give me gifts or buy me what I need. I myself have not outlined this point in our relationship. We were very young.

During our 6 years of marriage, we sometimes fantasized that someday we would get married and have children, but there were never any concrete conversations. When everyone around (including his mother) began to tell him that it was time to get married, then he began to think.
We had a conversation, we even made a guest list (why didn’t we go to the registry office first?). True, then (to be honest) I got scared and told him: “maybe not this year?” He somehow easily agreed.
Why did I start to doubt? Because he still hasn't taken responsibility for me; and also because he set a goal for himself, and not for us, to buy an apartment, and everything else ceased to matter, as if the relationship could be put off for a while. It will probably always be like this. Am I ready to wait all the time? After all, all the questions had answers: I’ll buy an apartment and everything will change. Will it change? But I had hope, because in 6 years we had made progress!

I introduced him to my friends and was able to interest him in going to family dinners). Then these friends started inviting us to cafes, cinemas, etc. And little by little we began to get out into the public eye. I was able to interest him and show him that spending time outside the home can be interesting.

The agitation of friends and his mother about the wedding continued. And when, next year, we went on our first trip (friends invited), he proposed to me - he gave me a ring. It was an action! But was this decision his own or was it influenced by the opinions of family and friends and the series of weddings of our loved ones? In addition, he did not set a wedding day. Summer is over, but weddings should be in summer.

During the trip, we had a rest and the relationship seemed to begin to improve, since we were together everywhere - we walked, talked, but after arriving, the relationship returned to its usual rhythm. We started arguing again. And in the winter I went to another city on business. And at that moment, again, so much had accumulated that I left in order to understand whether I needed such a relationship. We had a fight and I wanted to break up. We said a lot of things to each other then. What did he tell me then? He said that he was really to blame, that he should have shown more attention and care, that he always believed that the girl should do everything, that he self-esteem increased other girls who tried to wedge themselves into our relationship, but he didn’t let it.

He promised that now we will have development in relations, that he will start living in the present day that he will buy an apartment (even if the full amount is not available), that we will start spending more time together. At that moment, I wanted to believe him (although I am afraid to admit that my decision was also influenced by fear of change). We returned to our hometown. He bought an apartment. I don't have any rights to the apartment. I did the interior design of the apartment and shared some interior expenses with him. I was embarrassed that he didn’t even offer me to buy an apartment together, but at the same time insisted that I invest in renovations. This is another tick.

So that's what's happening now. We have been living in this apartment for almost a year. All this time I live as if on trial. He protects his home (after all, he has invested a lot of money in it): he comes home and starts checking whether new scratches have appeared on the furniture, where anything has not been removed. It gets to the point that when I fry cutlets, he begins to express dissatisfaction that oil splatters form on the stove. He also examines the refrigerator door for scratches. He constantly points out what I didn't do or what I did wrong.

Now I am a freelance designer and artist. I don’t have a stable salary (there are financially stable months, and there are months with little salary), but I don’t make bad money. If there isn’t much coming out per month, then with all his appearance he shows that I’m a lazy person. After all, he would like me to invest in the apartment (we haven’t finished everything yet).
This offends me because I am a workaholic. It happens that I don’t sleep at night (and he sees it) because I simply don’t have time. And it happens when I have many days off in a month and then he completely forgets about how much I worked... Moreover, he himself has a flexible work schedule and in the afternoon he is already at home or goes on other errands. And now he began to spend a lot of time in the garage.
Financially, nothing has changed. He pays the mortgage. Everyone buys products. I undoubtedly pay for some one-time little things - for example, the repairman was called or I need to pay for the Internet, or the intercom, etc.. Only now he says: I’m paying the mortgage, so you save up for travel. And again, if I need a down jacket, then I buy myself a down jacket (“oh, you just have to pay for the order, so you can buy it for yourself”). This seems to be normal. After all, he took on most of the expenses, tries to “carry everything into the house,” tries to earn more. But it doesn’t seem normal, since he bought an apartment for himself, invests money in his business, equips his garage, and I, as it were, again, so that it would be simpler and more comfortable for him..

I want to marry a man who will show me that he is ready to take responsibility for his wife, that he is ready to protect her, that he is ready to take care of her, that he admires his woman (that her main role is not cleaning and cooking), that he can maternity leave to support her and the children, that he is ready to invest in the family... and I will answer him in kind!
How can I change his behavior?
Thanks in advance!

Why doesn't a man take responsibility for me?

Hello, Victoria.

Out of the goodness of my heart, I made myself a cleaner and everyone was happy with it, and then they decided that this was how it should be. And no thanks to you..

Absolutely right. Of course, what's past is past. But have you said that it is important for you to feel gratitude for your work, it is important to see that you are important and valuable?

I would be pleased if my man would like to give me gifts or buy me what I need

Have you told your boyfriend about this? If so, what was his reaction? If they didn’t talk, then what was stopping you?

I myself have not outlined this point in our relationship. We were very young.

Things can change over time, and people change and their agreements are revised. It’s okay that you didn’t talk about this right away, you can talk about it now if this issue still worries you. Have you tried it?

he still hasn't taken responsibility for me

I don't really understand what you mean. When you describe your relationship and what you would like to receive in a relationship, to me it looks like you have taken responsibility for the relationship, you are invested in it, but the guy is not particularly. Your words sound as if you want equal responsibility for the relationship, that you are currently investing in them more than you receive, and it is as if he is not investing and does not take responsibility for them at all. For your relationship.

he set a goal for himself, and not for us, to buy an apartment, and everything else ceased to matter, as if the relationship could be put off for a while

Absolutely right. This is what it looks like.

I always thought that a girl should do everything

What do you think? How do you want it to be in your family? Have you discussed this issue with him? Are you willing to do everything all the time?

my decision was also influenced by fear of change

Of course change can be scary. I understand you. In order to mature for change, it takes time, reflection on past experiences, resources, strength and courage. This probably did not exist then.

I don't have any rights to the apartment. I did the interior design of the apartment and shared some interior expenses with him. I was embarrassed that he didn’t even offer me to buy an apartment together, but at the same time insisted that I invest in renovations.

Were you against it? Have you told him about this? Why did you agree to expenses that you didn’t want to make?

comes home and starts checking whether new scratches have appeared on the furniture, where anything has not been removed. It gets to the point that when I fry cutlets, he begins to express dissatisfaction that oil splatters form on the stove. He also examines the refrigerator door for scratches. He constantly points out what I didn't do or what I did wrong.

I sympathize with you.

He pays the mortgage. Everyone buys products. I undoubtedly pay for some one-time little things - for example, the repairman was called or I need to pay for the Internet, or the intercom, etc.. Only now he says: I’m paying the mortgage, so you save up for travel.

Have you discussed whether your budget is joint or separate? According to your description, it’s neither one nor the other; when it’s convenient for the guy, the budget is separate; when it’s convenient for him, it’s a joint budget, and this rule only applies to your income. Those. Is your budget joint in terms of your income, and separate in terms of your income? How do you like this state of affairs? Are you satisfied? Have you talked to him about this or are you waiting for him to somehow figure out how to take care of your interests. Judging by the fact that this has not been the rule for 9 years, the likelihood that it will appear on its own is minimal.

I want to marry a man who will show me that he is ready to take responsibility for his wife, that he is ready to protect her, that he is ready to take care of her, that he admires his woman (that her main role is not cleaning and cooking), that he can maternity leave to support her and the children, that he is ready to invest in the family..

It seems that your man is not the person you would like to marry.

How can I change his behavior?

Unfortunately, it is impossible to change a person against his will. All we can do is tell him about our desires, needs, feelings, values, expectations. We may also ask you to do or not do something. That's all. Then it is only his responsibility and his decision whether to agree to change and do something for us or not. Therefore, it is very important to talk. This will tell you about yourself, your expectations, and the answer will help you understand whether you should expect to have your needs met in a relationship with this person. Try to discuss with him all the issues that concern you. If you have already discussed everything, talked about yourself, asked, etc. And yet he refuses or promises but does nothing, then you can only determine for yourself how satisfied you are with this state of affairs. And then make your own choice. Determine how important everything you wrote about is to you. Will you be able to live in a marriage or relationship as you are now, without the important things you describe? What keeps you in a relationship, perhaps you get something that is more important in it. But if it turns out that these needs are central and without their satisfaction the relationship loses its meaning for you, then there is no need to fight or change yourself or your boyfriend. It’s better then to separate and look for someone who suits you better.
This choice may not be easy and may require time and support. If you need help understanding yourself and making a choice that suits you, please contact me, I will be happy to help you.
Sincerely, psychologist, gestalt therapist.
Makarova Lola.

Many women people think about how to teach their loved one to give flowers and gifts, but few people at the beginning of a relationship think about the ability to make decisions. It often happens that the husband, who was previously responsible for his actions, ceases to take the initiative. Some women like such relationships, because it is an opportunity to lead and manage, but there are also those who do not want to take full responsibility on themselves.

Some with this role they just can't handle it. Perhaps at first you liked that your loved one gave the right to choose and accepted a secondary position. But soon you will notice how, at the moment of making a difficult decision, he will simply step aside and entrust the entire process to you. Therefore, the ability to take responsibility for one’s actions must be instilled in one’s loved one. Of course, you can let everything take its course, in the hope that he will change and come to his senses, but it is unlikely that he will suddenly want to show responsibility, so just try to influence the current situation.

1. Don't reproach or blame the man. It happens that irresponsibility manifests itself due to the fact that his mother spoiled him as a child or he simply has a bad memory. If you start telling him how bad he is doing and why he is wrong, there is a high probability that you will encounter misunderstanding, and sometimes such conversations end in quarrels and scandals. Try to support him with wise advice, speak to him in a quiet, calm voice. Your excessive emotionality can drive him crazy, did you want to achieve this more quickly? Just tell him that next time everything will be better, that he can develop responsibility within himself, and that a certain action of his is absolutely not scary. Once you can convince him that he is a responsible man, he will want to prove it in action.

2. Rehearse. In order for a man to begin to understand that a lot is also required of him, it is necessary to direct him in the right direction. This could be about cooking, cleaning, or your relationships. Just sometimes help him develop his memory and thinking, set an example and advise. Unfortunately, learning to make important decisions is not so easy. The mistake of many women is that they stop believing in their loved one, putting all the responsibilities on their shoulders. Stop and think, does your husband help you, can he make decisions and how correctly does he do it?

3. Give the man tasks. In a strong, friendly family, each member has their own responsibilities. For example, you can entrust your children with caring for and putting toys into boxes, you can do the cooking, washing and ironing yourself, and you can ask your husband to set up something, fix something, or go and draw up some document you need. The more often he travels on business and carries out your tasks, the faster he will learn to take responsibility and draw some conclusions.

4. Simulate situations. Psychologists say that only extremes can force such a man to act decisively. If you always solve problems yourself, then try to take a break, citing illness or weakness. Sometimes women don’t notice how much their body has worn out, but listen and give yourself a well-deserved rest. Tell the man that you simply cannot solve a specific issue due to your health condition, and only then will he begin to think. As long as you take the initiative and decide everything for two, he will not do anything, believing that this is the norm. If you don’t want to imitate illness or fatigue, wait for the right moment, and then all your words will be the true truth.

5. Contact a family psychologist. It often happens that no methods help. Some men tend to lead a child-like lifestyle. If a woman decides everything herself and makes difficult decisions, then why worry and worry? This position may be a clear belief that is not so easy to deal with without a specialist. Therefore, make an appointment with a family psychologist and share your problem with him. Only through joint efforts can you achieve excellent results.

Recently, women have increasingly complained that modern men do not want to take responsibility for their family and children. They prefer not to get married, but to live in a civil marriage, or not to start a long-term serious relationship at all. In the event of a divorce, they refuse to pay alimony, or pay the minimum, etc.
What is the reason? After thinking, I came to this conclusion.

The physiological task of a man, inherent in him by nature, is to distribute his genes as widely as possible in order to continue his genetic line at all costs.
Previously, when living conditions were difficult, a man was forced to feed a female and her cub in order to ensure basic survival for his offspring. The man brought food, protected the territory, and scared off enemies. He was responsible for the survival of the cubs until they grew up and became independent.

However, in the last few decades the situation has changed dramatically. Women have become strong, independent, independent. They cope with such tasks themselves. Men see and realize all this.

Nowadays there are many mothers who raise their children alone. And many of the men themselves grew up in single-parent families, where they were raised only by their mother. And, thank God, everyone is alive and well, raised and trained, no one died of hunger.

It turns out that women themselves are to blame for the fact that men do not want to take responsibility for the family? I think time is to blame for this. But we can't turn it back. No one would agree to live in a cave, get meat from animals with a bow and arrow, collect berries and roots in the forest, etc.
We enjoy using all the benefits of civilization. The rights and opportunities of men and women are equal. Modern women can easily earn their daily bread, and often they do it even more successfully than men. Thus, the representatives of the stronger sex have lost the genetic need to take responsibility for raising offspring; they only have the task of conceiving them.

Social stereotypes usually lag behind the trends of the times. Life has changed a long time ago, but we still continue to think in the same categories: “A man should be the head of the family, he should earn more than a woman, he should provide for his wife and child,” etc.
But then a man has the right to make similar demands: “A woman must stay at home, provide her husband with a cozy home, where he can take a break from work, she should not interfere in men’s affairs,” etc.
He must, she must... Firmly internalized echoes of previous concepts. But life has changed radically. So isn’t it better to start reckoning with its realities and change your worldview in accordance with current conditions?

It seems to me that today we should not place too high demands on men. It's not productive. Why would they suddenly want to take responsibility for us? After all, we prove with our entire existence that we can cope just fine without them!

Life dictates that we must become equal partners. In my opinion, it is better to remove from the vocabulary: “You must!”, “You must!”? Instead, it is worth developing partnership rules on how to live TOGETHER so that both feel comfortable, comfortable and good.
Do you agree with this?

You have met a worthy man. He is charming and proactive, invites you to restaurants and movies, organizes mind-blowing weekends, and most importantly -ready to support and solve any of your questions,as soon as the need arises.

But over time, something breaks in the relationship. The initiative is depleted - you have to make decisions more and more often, and the amount of attention on his part also disappears.

You need to ask for help, but he does everything carelessly or even feeds you “breakfast”, citing eternal busyness. This suggests that the man is moredoesn't want to take responsibility in relationships.

From this article you will learn:

1. What types of men don't take responsibility? How to recognize them?
2. Test: Is a man ready to take responsibility?
3. Why do girls “take away” responsibility from men?
4. How to stop being strong and give responsibility to a man
5. Fatal errors when returning responsibility
6. Is it possible to take off the armor of a strong woman and find female happiness with a partner?
7. What a woman should not take responsibility for in a relationship

Who is this article for?

This article is dedicated to all girls, women and mothers who want to stop being “strong and independent” and strive to regain and reveal their femininity next to responsible and strong men.

The Growth Phase team hopes that the material will be useful. If it was useful to you, please write in the comments or in private messages on Instagram. Thanks and happy reading!

About responsibility in relationships, irresponsible men, selection and return of responsibility by women

Alla Demidenko, Psychologist-expert 3 steps of the Woman’s Path “The state of a happy woman” in the company Phase of Growth”

2 types of men who do not want to take responsibility:

1) Men with fear of rejection- those who are haunted by the fear of investing in a relationship and not getting anything in return.

This fear may be related to how a man’s first love or significant relationship developed. For example, he invested energy, time, interest in his ex-girlfriend, kept his promises, was caring, affectionate, understanding, but she demanded more and more, did not appreciate what he did, and ultimately they quarreled and broke up.

The events of the past were recorded in fears of betrayal and rejection. He is afraid to go through again everything that he once experienced himself, so he prefers not to invest and not become deeply attached.

How to recognize:

Typically, such men need energy exchange with the outside world, but instead of building a harmonious relationship with the woman they love, they prefer to recharge their energy from communicating with friends. He can be the life of the party, the king of parties, but at the same time be absolutely incapable of a long-term relationship.

Sooner or later, such a man will understand that he can achieve truly high goals only by being in a stable relationship. Relationships from which you can not only take, but also invest. The question is, are you ready to help him realize this?

2) Men with immaturity

They live with their mothers for a long time, so they are accustomed to everything being presented to him on a silver platter: they wash his clothes, carefully iron every wrinkle on them, prepare a delicious breakfast and lunch for work, warm him with care and unconditional love.

Even to the detriment of herself, her health and her personal interests. This model of relationship is transferred to relationships with your significant other. As you understand, she doesn’t work there.

Infantile men create families and take on the role of a big child in them who needs care, maintenance and unhealthy care. A woman, like a woman, is a man’s responsibility to provide him with decent comfort - that’s what he’s used to. And everything would be nice if such men sincerely understood that only a mother can give and not ask for anything in return.

How to recognize such a man:

Most often, such men do not have a permanent and reliable environment - at most short, frivolous connections and friends from the category of colleagues. Infantile people do not want to invest in relationships that last for years. They simply can't.

5, 10, 20 years of friendship - such anniversaries are celebrated only by those who know how to maintain a “take-give” balance.

Like men from the first category, they will mature and “grow” into a full-fledged relationship. The question is, will you be the woman next to whom the boy will become a real man?

Test: Is a man ready to take responsibility?

Do you want to know if a man is ready to take responsibility?

The Growth Phase team has prepared a test especially for you.

You can learn how to attract only worthy, strong and responsible men in the free online workshop Man: Honest Instructions.

In 5 days you will learn:

• How to revive “incomprehensible” relationships?
• How to attract worthy men and choose one?
• How to create truly happy relationships so that 1+1=11?
• How to become a woman: I want - Do I get?

There are responsible men, and there are irresponsible ones. It depends on you what type you attract and how quickly you can understand that the person next to you will not be able to build a strong relationship with you.

However even responsible and strong menOver time, they stop taking initiative and taking responsibility in relationships. Why do you think?

Cherchez la femme, or reasons when a woman is to blame?

Most often what happens is thatThe woman herself takes responsibility in the relationship.The partner was courageous, responsible, in a word - the real head of the family. But over time, his desire to do something disappears and for a while you can even change roles.

Reason 1: Inability to attract a decent man due to family attitudes

It often happens that a girl has a built-in belief that men are the “weaker” sex, “they are all the same,” “goats,” “you need to rely only on yourself,” and so on. As stated above, this is due to behavior in the family, where women took on male roles.

Why do subconscious attitudes work? For example, when you choose a dress, a smartphone or a car, and stop at a couple of options, your consciousness inevitably notices interesting things in the world around you. Likewise, a consciousness focused on weak men will only notice weak men.

Feeling their superiority, girls subconsciously look for and attract weak men.. They are looking for those who fit into the picture of the world drawn to them by their parental scenarios.

This model of building a marriage, in which the man is assigned a supporting role, and the woman’s trust is undermined, is often passed down from generation to generation... But each of them wanted not to be the head of the family, to trust the man.

Just realize that right now there are millions of unhappy families in the world who are suffering due to birth attitudes. Millions of unhappy marriages, lonely, frustrated, embittered men and women, millions of unhappy children who face such a future...

Fortunately, this vicious circle can be broken by working with your attitudes. You can learn more about working with attitudes on the Instagram channel of our expert on working with attitudes and generic programs - and on the second stage of the Woman’s Path.

But even if the attitude is overcome, there may be another problem associated with inflated demands and passive aggression towards a man.

Reason 2: “Pushing up” control through lack of gratitude

A man does everything for his woman. This is especially noticeable during the bouquet-candy period, in which both a man and a woman idealize each other: he moves mountains for her, she is grateful and beams with happiness, even if it is a meeting at lunch for 15 minutes, a gift card or “kinder”.

But over time, the euphoria wears off, and the woman begins to appreciate less what the man does. She begins to take something for granted and forgets to thank him, finds flaws in his actions, finds fault, gets offended, gets angry...

Explosion outwards

The partner invests in the relationship, but all his actions are harshly criticized, the phrases “oh, you’re incapable, I didn’t want it that way” are heard more and more often.let me do it myself”, the man sooner or later agrees, which only increases resentment and disappointment. So, over time, a woman takes on the lion's share of male responsibility.

The reason for this is - excessive control, and, perhaps, the subconscious attitude “all men are weak,” which she saw in the example of her parents. Mom “drags” the family on herself, grandmother says that grandfather is “weak” and goes to weed the garden herself...

What remains for a man? With a high probability, sooner or later he will surrender under pressure,admits his loss, receives in response disappointment and confirmation that “all men are weak”.

Explosion within

A man keeps his promises, does things, but not in the way the girl expects from him. She doesn’t say anything to his face, but she patiently accumulates all his “mistakes and shortcomings” within herself. Over time, she increasingly reacts to his actions or inactions with insults, silence, barbs and claims.

“You always do this”, “You never finish what you start”, “You are always not like other people”...

Having heard enough of this, a man is filled with negativity, his subconscious equates help with discomfort for the girl and for himself, and the man himself stops trying to do something.

Reason 3. Soft take away of responsibility in the “mother-son” type of relationship

In a relationship where the girl takes on most of the responsibility, a “mother-son” relationship model appears. This is especially noticeable for a man who returns again to the world of comfort, where everything is ready: in addition to the fact that a woman works two jobs, everything at home is washed and ironed, and the refrigerator is filled with pots of food.

The more a woman takes on herself, the less responsibility a man gets. She makes decisions herself, includes the commander and tries to control all internal family processes.

But power over a man does not make her happy - she feels squeezed, but does not understand how to make him want to help her and take everything into his own strong hands. She wants to be fragile and weak next to a man, but for some reason she can’t.

However, returning to the role of a sweet, feminine “girl” who easily and naturally shifts tasks to a man simply won’t work. Usually this ends with a bias towards the “daughter-father” model with a big and strong “dad” who will make decisions for her and save her from all existing problems.

If you want to learn more about the mother-son, father-daughter relationship models and how they affect our relationships, write about it in the comments. We will be grateful

How to stop being strong and return responsibility to a man

First rule: control of your attention should be 80% on yourself. This is not a call to selfishness, because a woman who puts herself first, for whom I am not the last, but the first letter of the alphabet, attracts men like a powerful electromagnet.

When a woman realizes her self-worth, when she loves and accepts herself in all its manifestations, then with all her appearance she shows that she simply does not agree to anything less. Shespeaks honestly about his desires, is not embarrassed to appear to a man without makeup or funny; You want to take care of such a woman; she brings energy and inspiration to a man.

There are women, after simple communication with whom men move mountains and move stars with their hands.

A weak but smart woman sets the tone for a relationship and this formula is as old as time:if she behaves like a queen, the man next to her becomes a king. By her behavior, a woman tells a man: “If you want to be near me, your attitude towards me should be like this”; she points and gently guides like a woman.

As soon as you stop investing in yourself, a man stops doing the same. A woman who does not invest in herself, does not know how to take care of herself, makes a terrible mistake - she simply cannot demonstrate to her partner what kind of attitude she wants.

What absolutely cannot be done?

1. Make a decision for him; make a decision for you.

It sounds funny, but this is the first mistake of a woman who wants to relieve herself of responsibility. “You are a man, you are in charge and strong, you are in fact obliged!” - it doesn't work.

Responsibility cannot be transferred, it can only be taken. And in no case should you decide for a man what he should make a decision. It is necessary to create conditions under which he himself wants to take responsibility.

2. Upset the balance in relationships by changing the relationship to “father-daughter”

In an attempt to shift responsibility, a woman rushes from one extreme to another - first she pretends to be an iron lady, strong and purposeful, tries to keep everything under control, and then decides: “Stop! I'm tired of being strong!”

But simply relaxing and falling back into the state of a little girl who doesn’t want to decide anything, but wants a dress, is not an option.

Placing responsibility for the family on a man, whose maximum before was choosing socks of the same color in a chest of drawers, is a futile idea.

Firstly, just the desire to make your partner strong is not enough. Secondly, it is worth remembering that responsibility in a couple is distributed 50/50 - and we are not talking about financial equality.

Women also have their own area of ​​responsibility, and in a father-daughter relationship, she loses the desire to create, instill confidence in a man and fill him with energy - she is focused only on consumption.

3. Compare with other men and criticize

Many women think that comparison with a friend’s successful and serious husband will force him to reconsider his behavior. It's the other way around.

A man perceives comparison with others as: “I don’t respect you!”, “You’re not capable of anything!”

Let's say more: women are great at speaking without saying a word. If there is a feeling of disbelief in a partner inside, a man feels it perfectly - in his eyes, facial expressions, gestures.

Therefore, it is not enough to just watch what you say. A man reads what a woman conveys to him, namely, the feeling of his inadequacy as a man. So, the first thing you need to work with is the internal state.

It won't be easy, but YOU CAN DO IT!

Changing someone in charge is a difficult period for both you and the man. It will hurt him, it will hurt you.At first, all his decisions and actions will seem wrong, but this is only because they are not yours.There will be a desire to give advice, correct, show how it should be done, but this is all out of fear of losing control.

Be prepared for the fact that there will be a very difficult transition period when you do a lot, invest a lot, but no results are visible. You plowed the soil, loosened it, sowed the seeds, watered them, but there are no shoots yet.

A man can continue to behave as before for a long time - the habit of living according to a new scenario is not developed in one day. It's worth learning patience and continuingbehave like a woman - but not in order to get something later, but because it is right.

And when your man begins to feel a sense of responsibility, it is important not to shift onto him what you are responsible for.

For which under no circumstances should responsibility be given

- for your life

Don't blame anyone for the fact that you feel bad - only you are responsible for your life. It is your actions, reactions and thoughts that create your world.

- for your emotional state

You shouldn't expect a man to cheer you up when you feel bad or need support. Sometimes he just may not understand it. Take a step forward: ask him to hug, talk to you, ask him to pay attention to you. But remember that men are ready to listen to complaints only if they intend to solve them.

If you feel you need his help, use the concept of “I messages.” If you need advice or support, you just need to ask, and not wait for the man to turn on his psychic abilities and understand what’s in your head.

- for your energy and fullness

You shouldn't sacrifice something important to yourself for the sake of a man. Then it begins: “I spent the best years of my life on you,” “I gave up for you...”, “Everything I do is just for you!”

Energy level is a woman's area of ​​responsibility. Only you yourself are responsible for what you fill yourself with and how you feel.

- for reading thoughts and fulfilling unspoken desires

A girl who has learned to express her thoughts without offense, from whom she does not reek of complaints; a girl who knows how to ask like a woman always gets what she wants in exchange only for her fortune and a smile.

Thank you for reading the article to the end!