In this article:
Analyzing psychological characteristics children 2-3 years old, understanding the subtleties of their behavior, adults can establish contact and contribute to the smoothest possible course of the crisis characteristic of this age.
Children aged 2-3 years: behavioral characteristics during classes
In the third and fourth years of life, the main feature of babies is increased emotionality. The child is not yet able to fully control emotional outbursts, while he easily switches from one state to another, which adults can take advantage of, wanting to distract the baby.
Children remember much more and in greater detail early age than previously thought. Instead, six months later, he remembers it in vague detail: the laundry room under our apartment, the friends he ran with, my wife’s co-workers. We believe that children don't remember much because we don't remember much about being children. But developmental research now tells us that Isaiah's memory is not extraordinary. Infants and young toddlers were thought to live in a constant present: all that existed was the world before them at that moment.
A baby who is upset, irritated or sad about something can be easily distracted by playing, toys, or rocking. Active actions will help kids forget about what was bothering them and recharge with positive emotions.
You can teach children at this age only if they show interest in what is being discussed during the lesson. It is important that the child not only understands the material, but also trusts the person who works with him.
When Jean Piaget conducted his famous experiments on objective constancy, in which, once an object was covered, the child seemed to forget about it - Piaget concluded that the child was unable to retain a memory of the object: out of sight, out of mind.
Crisis as a feature of the age of three – what do you need to know?
The paradigm of the eternal present is now forgotten. Even babies know about the past, as many remarkable experiments have shown. Babies can't talk, but they can imitate, and if shown a series of actions with props, even 6-month-old babies will repeat the three-step sequence every other day. Nine month old babies will repeat this every other month.
In 2-3 year old children, self-regulation mechanisms are imperfect. Their mood, as well as their ability to absorb new material, is largely related to the feeling of physical comfort. Usually discomfort is caused by:
- hunger;
- increased or decreased temperature;
- pain;
- thirst;
- drowsiness, etc.
If a teacher plans to conduct an effective lesson with a baby, gaining his attention, he must check how comfortable the baby feels at the moment.
Traditional wisdom for older children has also been overturned. Children of Isaiah's age were thought to have memories of the past, but there was almost no way to organize those memories. According to Patricia Bauer, an Emory psychology professor who studies early memory, the general consensus was that a 3-year-old's memory was a jumble of disorganized information, like your mailbox without any sorting function: "You can't sort them by name, you can't sort them by date, they're just your emails."
Features of communication between children at 3-4 years of age
Communication between children at this age is situational and personal in nature, which indicates the acute need of each of them for individual attention and contact with adults. That is why, if we are talking about classes or joint games with teachers, it is necessary that small groups of children take part in them, each of whom will be given enough time and attention.
Mom's assistant, dad's friend
By these standards, Isaiah is a wizard of memory - preschool. But it turns out that all Joshua Foer's children: Even very young children have confusingly good memories. Twenty years ago, a study of memories of Walt Disney World - another unforgettable experience - surprised everyone involved: children who had been to Disney when they were just 3 years old could talk about it in detail 18 months later. Since then, evidence has accumulated. A recently published paper on long-term recall found that a 27-month-old child who saw a "magic shrinking machine" recalled the experience about six years later.
Children aged 2-3 years are able to learn something new, and both 
basis personal experience, and taking as a starting point the experience of surrounding adults. Children carefully monitor the behavior of their parents or educators and try to imitate them, without separating good and bad.
Far from having memories, very young children remember a lot like adults. In early childhood, neural structures important for memory come online: the hippocampus, which, very roughly, is responsible for storing new memories; and the prefrontal cortex, which is very roughly responsible for retrieving those memories.
But these neural regions and their connecting pathways are still developing. And they capture only part of the present as it flows. Think of memory as orzo, says Bauer. It's not like one big lasagna noodle. Memories are made up of these little tiny pieces of information that come literally all the way through the cortex. Parts of the brain take these little pieces of information and put them together into something that will endure and be a memory. Adults have a fine mesh net to catch the orzo.
But as for the same age, they are not yet interesting for kids at this age. Children can play next to each other, observing the actions of the neighbor, but without coming into contact with him. Often it is peers who cause a surge of negative emotions in children.
Thinking in children of this age has a visual and effective form and largely depends on conditions. Memory and attention are involuntary.
Babies have a big colander: Orzo will slip through. “What happens to the child is that much of the information slips away, even as the child tries to organize and stabilize it.” In early childhood, many experiences never become memories - they slip away before they can be stored.
In other words, children remember much more than anyone thought, but much less than any adult. It's only around 24 months that babies seem to get better at calendars: they become better at catching orso - at organizing and processing information in such a way as to make a memory out of the experience.
Object activity and play in the life of 2-3 year old children
Having mastered cultural ways of acting with a variety of objects, children master and new look activity - subject. Kids transfer the actions that they managed to spy on adults to toys, trying to copy their behavior, voices, and actions. Children enjoy making phone calls, feeding and dressing toys, 
They build themselves toy cars from blankets and pillows, imagining themselves driving a real dad’s or grandpa’s car.
The past also becomes sticky: memories no longer slip away after a couple of months. Children for several months to 2 years retain memories of experiences a year earlier - half their lives ago. But they won't keep these memories forever adult life: No one remembers their second birthday party. For several reasons - nascent neural structures, lack of knowledge to understand early experiences, lack of language to represent those experiences - it may not be possible for any part of our lives before, say, 24 months to be followed into adulthood. Average early memory is fragmented and lonely, but real - does not reach three and a half years.
By this age, children’s active speech switches to new level. By the end of the third year of life, children master new grammatical structures, communicate in simple sentences, using almost all parts of speech. The active vocabulary of children of this age already contains about 1.5 thousand words. By the age of four, this number will double, and children will not experience problems communicating with both adults and peers.
What makes this first memory map into adulthood? Here's where the new science of early memory takes an unexpected turn: Once memories start to stick, how long they stay may be less of a nerve-wracking question than a social question. This may have less to do with a child than with adults.
Psychologists have spent a lot of time listening to how parents talk to their children, namely, how parents negotiate the very stubborn truth about parenting when children cannot speak. Children cannot continue the conversation. When discussing the past, parents get around this problem in several ways. They may ask specific, repetitive questions about past events. Or they might narrate the past in rich, detailed ways, asking the child questions and then incorporating their answers into the narrative, a style the researchers call "highly developed."
The game of 2-3 year old children is procedural in nature and based on actions. The game uses game objects, the similarity of which to real ones should be maximum.
In the third year of life, auditory and visual abilities reach a new level, which greatly simplifies the work with children in studying the shapes, colors and sizes of objects.
It turns out that children of children with highly developed mothers tend to have earlier and richer memories. A study of adolescents whose mothers were highly intelligent during the preschool years found that they were better than those whose mothers were not. Conversational style matters because when children remember and talk about the past, they effectively relive the event—they fire the same neurons and strengthen the same connections. They maintain their memory of the event. And when parents fake their children's stories - when they essentially tell stories to their children, like a highly evolved parent small child, they strengthen the same connections.
Phonemic hearing also becomes more perfect. Three-year-old children no longer have difficulties with perception 
sounds of their native language, despite sometimes having large inaccuracies during their pronunciation.
The peculiarity of children of this age is a reflection of the emotional state of their peers. It is absolutely normal for 2-3 year old children to cry, scream or laugh just because a peer did it. However, by the end of the third year of life, the behavior of children begins to be more arbitrary. Children are able to feel pride, shame, joy, and identify themselves by gender.
The history of words is important here. Children learn to organize memories into narratives, and in doing so, they learn the genre of memory. When children learn these forms, their memories become more organized, says Robin Fivush, a professor of psychology at Emory who studies memory and storytelling. “And more organized memories are better retained over time.”
Conversational style may also explain why women have earlier memories than men. In early childhood, girls tend to have different and more thoughtful interactions than boys. Moms are more likely to be more emotional when talking about the past, and especially when talking about highly emotional events in the past, and they're more likely to do this with their girls than with their boys, says Fivush.
Crisis as a feature of the age of three – what do you need to know?
At the end of the third year of life, babies and their parents begin to experience a number of problems associated with the development of the first serious age crisis. For a child, this is a truly difficult period in life, during which he will have to get used to a new system of social relations, gradually defending his personal “I” and reducing the level of influence of adults on himself.
As an intervention, at least in the short term, parenting parents to talk about the past in very complex ways seems to be very successful: children begin to tell stories—to process their experiences—in richer, more detailed ways. Māori in New Zealand have the earliest average first memory of any culture at the age of -2.5 years - and tell their children in great detail about their shared past. But at a certain point it can be cultural. By pretending to be Iris, acting out stories from Isaiah's past, I unknowingly taught my son why we remember.
Parents, understanding that a child at this age wants to prove himself independent, active and independent, should be prepared for this in advance. It is important to encourage the child’s new aspirations and at the same time not allow him to cross the boundaries of what is permitted, but only as delicately and with understanding as possible.
Usually a crisis 
three years is manifested by the following qualities:
In the long run this is pretty fantastic. It's wonderful and scary in equal measure. Walk up and down the stairs alone, step by step, holding onto the railing or an adult's hand. Chute and throw the ball in the air. He makes towers of 5 or 6 cubes and joins rows of 2 or 3 cubes if he is told to refer to him by name. It may have limited vocabulary of 15 or 20 words and even put them into sentences of up to 3 words. Responds to verbal commands. Spontaneously makes lines or circles with chalk or wax. He washes and dries his hands. He loves to imitate adults.
- Open the doors.
- Use furniture.
- Use the spoon and cup more or less correctly.
- negativity;
- stubbornness;
- obstinacy;
- self-will;
- rebellion;
- jealousy;
- depreciation of values, etc.
Negativism is manifested by the denial of adult authority. The child fundamentally refuses to fulfill even the simplest requests only because he wants to defend his “I” and do everything his own way, and this applies to even the most flexible and obedient children.
A practical guide for two years of age
However, children who... Use picture books to increase verbal expression and listening ability. They shouldn't be too concerned or soon learn to use them to control their parents. Parents should play with girls and boys, adapting to children's preferences and without sexism. Parents should name everything around them, point out common objects and body parts, and encourage the child to say words.
- Play is important for fun and learning.
- Children of this age enjoy primarily pushing games or musicals.
- He will still have to transform the house to fit the child.
- Even if you're playing alone, maintain a certain perspective.
- Always use vehicle safety seats.
- Never allow your child to move freely in the back seat!
- Language development should be further stimulated by reading books and songs.
- Talk to your child about what they are doing and seeing.
By stubbornness we usually mean a child’s reluctance to follow the advice or instructions of adults simply because he does not want to be dependent on someone else’s judgments or actions. Usually stubborn children insist on something not because they want it too much, but only in order not to do as adults ask them.
In early adolescence, children often show obstinacy, which can be directed either at a specific person or at certain rules or principles. The child may insist on fulfilling his own desires without accepting the initiative of adults.
Children do the same when they are tired, hungry or short-tempered; We must realize and act accordingly. Ignoring our children's signs is one of the many mistakes parents make all the time, but correcting it can make a big difference in a child's development. We asked experts for advice on how to solve them.
Don't hit your sister! Stop bothering the dog! The list of things you say to your little one is endless. No one wants to raise a child who doesn't understand boundaries, but too often, "no" can cause children to become deaf to negativity and therefore lose their power, explains Dr. Borba. "We often tell kids not to do anything without clearly telling them what they should do," notes Linda Sonna, Ph.D., and author of All the Kids. So save "no" for truly dangerous situations, such as placing a plug in an outlet.
Also, for children of this age it is absolutely normal to show willfulness, even at the risk of upsetting relationships with their beloved parents. For children at the age of three, it is fundamentally important to have the opportunity to take 
independent decisions.
When faced with misunderstanding from adults, children can turn to real rebellion and even show themselves as despots towards others, tasting the sweet fruits of power over them. Such children dictate rules to parents and educators, demanding their strict observance.
A frequent phenomenon for a crisis age is the manifestation of jealousy, when children do not want to communicate with peers, brothers or sisters, or one of the parents, demanding the all-consuming attention of one specific person.
And the most interesting feature of this age is the ability to devalue values. Kids may consider previously established rules unnecessary and try to get rid of attachment to toys or things and sometimes even to some people around them.
During a period of crisis, children are often unbearable, intolerant and have difficulty making contact. However, whatever they do, adults must remember that such actions are temporary. During this difficult period of life, it is the adults who will determine how smoothly and painlessly the child’s reassessment of values and his transition to a new stage of development will occur.
On the one hand, raising a 2-3 year old child is no longer as difficult as, say, a one-year-old baby. After all, at this age you can already come to an agreement with your baby, convince him that it is possible to do this, but not this way, and explain why. On the other hand, raising a 2-year-old child is a new test of strength for parents, because right now the child’s character is waking up in all its glory, and sometimes not his best qualities.
Of course, manifestations of individuality in its worst form do not make raising a child at 2 years of age carefree, but right now it opens him up as a person and allows parents to influence this process.
Little personality.
At 2 years old, your baby becomes more independent and begins to perceive himself as an individual, and demands the same from his parents. According to experts, it is at this age that personality begins to form, and already at three years old your baby has a full-fledged “I”, albeit not entirely complete. Therefore, it is important not to miss this critical moment, otherwise correcting behavioral flaws later can be incredibly difficult. This is a rather difficult period for moms and dads; raising a 2-year-old child requires a lot of patience and responsibility. The child does not yet know how to control himself, does not think rationally and does not give an answer to his actions. Therefore, the baby increasingly begins to throw tantrums, demonstrate disagreement with his behavior and constantly say “no”.
Of course, this is unnerving, indignant, and sometimes infuriating. But we are adults, and we have the power to change the situation, and not sometime in the future, but right here and now. We must understand where to be firm, where to yield, where to cheat. After all, this is the most fertile period - right now we are forming the true character of the baby, laying the foundations of upbringing that will remain with him for the rest of his life.
Don't try to break little man character, you don’t need to crush it! At this age, it is especially important to give the child the right to choose and not put pressure on him. The only exceptions can be life-threatening situations, where it is enough to firmly say “no” and perform some prohibitive action for the child. There is no need to shout or get angry - clearly and firmly: “no”.
Well, if you have a choice, then why not? What's wrong if a child wants to wear these particular sandals and not some others? But if it is raining outside, and the child demands to wear sandals, then you need to calmly explain to him why it is better to wear other shoes. Explain that in sandals he will get wet and freeze, but in boots he will be able to walk longer. If it doesn’t help, then tell him that if he wears boots, then his mother will allow him to walk through the shallow puddle. Agree with your child, over time he will understand that boots are better in rainy weather, and not because you can run through puddles, but in principle.
If your baby is stubborn, you need to do something to interest your little one. If, for example, he doesn’t want to go to bed, then, while undressing the baby, tell him what you will do after sleep, what interesting things you will do, where you will go when he wakes up. This is absolutely not difficult for you, and for him it is much more pleasant and acceptable than the order to “sleep!” Raising a 2-year-old child with this approach will be more effective and will not “irritate” your nerves.
Mom's assistant, dad's friend.
The activity of a two-year-old child can be represented in the form of the famous revolutionary phrase of 1917: “when the lower classes cannot, but the upper classes do not want to.” The fact is that a child at the age of two often knows exactly what he wants to do, but does not have the skills, experience, or strength to carry out his plans. The reaction that follows is quite logical, the same as in adults - anger, frustration, despair, hysteria.
The task of any mother at this moment is to support the baby in his endeavor. Just don’t do the intended action instead of the child! No “let me do it myself”, only an offer of help in worst case, and at best, a reasonable hint on how to do it: “try it like this.” You must understand that only in this case, raising a child of 2-3 years old will be positive and effective.
A child at this age strives in every possible way to help everyone and in everything, and your main task is to provide him with such an opportunity. Children from the age of one love to help - they simply learn by looking at you, try to understand and try to do the same as their parents. But only now can we achieve concrete positive results from our work. Of course, this will happen gradually, but it is important that the baby improves his skills over and over again.
Eager to wash the floor - please! Tell me how best to do this and let him tinker. It’s okay if water splashes all around – wipe it off later. The main thing now is not to interfere with him. He is already smart enough to try to help dad, pack the screws by size and put them in the compartments of the drawer. Of course, you can’t leave him alone for such an activity, but together they can easily clean up the pantry.
Raising a child at 2-3 years old already implies obtaining some specific result. And if a child has done something badly, not completely, now you need to draw his attention to it. Do not scold under any circumstances! And suggest, in a tactful, soft form, how to make it work better. Don’t be nervous or emotional if he messed everything up again, and again nothing worked out - the main thing is not so much the result as the desire to achieve it.
And, of course, do not forget to praise your fidget. Be sure to celebrate all his smallest achievements. But just try to do this sincerely, and, of course, for a reason. If you devote as much attention and time as possible to raising your baby, then he will be absolutely ready for kindergarten by the age of three years.
How to avoid whims.
Already at the age of two years, a child can begin to show his “firmness” of character and demand satisfaction of his desires, demonstrating disobedience. It is at this age that the child begins to test, as they say, their parents “for strength”, to “probe” the boundaries of what is permitted.
A child can see a cartoon and begin to imitate the character he likes, notice a peer who throws a tantrum at his mother and is allowed to do what he wanted. The baby may like it, he will remember it, and will try similar new methods on his own parents.
We can highlight three of the most important, most common, and most harmful mistakes parents make in raising a 2-3 year old child:
- The first is to follow your child’s lead. Yes, of course, every child is an individual, but you need to understand the limits of what is permitted, you need to be aware of what this will lead to later.
- The second mistake is discussing everything in front of children, in particular their behavior. If you are discussing, it means there are disagreements, and the child should not even suspect about them, otherwise he will soon learn to “play” on it.
- The third mistake is yelling at a child. Firstly, it’s stupid, not beautiful, a bad example to follow, and secondly, it won’t help!!!
In this situation, the main rule of raising a child of 2-3 years is not to indulge the whims. Otherwise it will become a habit for him. If a child does not obey, throws a tantrum, demanding complete and immediate satisfaction of his desires, one way to get out of the deadlock is to distract the child, take him away from the problem, talk him into something, or ignore the hysteria. The main thing is to remain calm, not to be upset by the manifestation of your nerves, and not to “rush” over him in a panic. The pattern of your behavior should be something like this: once a scandal starts, we stand firm and don’t react, the second time there will be much less tears and screams, and the third time there may well not be any.
Another nuance is the validity of his demands: if the baby, for example, wants to put on tights or tie his shoelaces himself, without his mother’s help, and you do not allow him to do this, he has every right to defend his desire, and you are definitely wrong. Draw a conclusion for the future and do not provoke such situations again.
You need to understand something else about children: they are like chameleons, in a sense, the same children behave completely differently from different educators. Perhaps you have noticed this in your family - the baby does not obey his mother, but unquestioningly obeys his navel. Therefore, draw conclusions and apply them for good.
Raising a 2-year-old child without mistakes and consequences.
Here are a few simple and effective strategies that will help make raising a 2-year-old child easier, making your life and your baby’s life easier during this difficult period.
Try to provide your child with a consistent daily routine. The baby must know clearly what he needs and what he needs: sleep, hygiene, games, eating, and so on. This can make the child's day somewhat predictable, which in turn will provide him with peace of mind because the baby will know what to expect.
When any changes are expected in the daily routine, inform your child in advance. For example: “Today grandma will come to visit us,” “In the evening you will stay with your aunt, and dad and I will leave for a while.” Periodically remind him throughout the day what you are going to do next, where you will go, what you will do.
Of course, you already know very well what exactly makes your baby hysterical. The main reasons are drowsiness, hunger, and change of place. So, you should try to plan things in advance to avoid any stressful situations.
You don’t need to take your baby with you to the store if you know that hysterics cannot be avoided there.
You should not visit with your baby for a long time. Children quickly get tired of an overabundance of new impressions, and therefore begin to be capricious.
Try not to force him to do something, but if necessary, get him involved in this process, or, as a last resort, negotiate his consent.
Children are not smaller versions of adults. There are many things they still don’t understand at all. What we take for granted, such as following directions or behaving appropriately, are completely meaningless concepts for them. Imagine yourself in your child’s place, and then you will be able to anticipate his behavior and prevent the onset of hysterics.
When your baby refuses to respond to your comments or do something the way you demand, simply distract him and interest him in something else. You should try to create an environment that is most conducive to your child's good behavior.
This is one of the most effective ways Discipline a child at this age, but time-out must be used wisely. Give him time to think about his behavior, comprehend what you said, time to distract himself from unpleasant thoughts. But remember that this at the age of two requires no more than 1-2 minutes. Otherwise, the baby will feel unnecessary, unloved, and will begin to consider himself bad.
Of course, you shouldn’t call this time “time-out”; you can simply tell your baby that he needs to rest. Place him on a sofa or chair so that the child can spend this time there. Raising a child at 2-3 years old implies time for the child to comprehend what is happening, which naturally should not take place “in the corner” in punishment.
When correcting bad behavior, it is important to remember to praise good behavior. Otherwise, by not giving your child praise when he behaves well, he may begin to behave badly just to get your attention when he is bored. It is better to give preference to praise rather than edification. When you praise your baby for good behavior, you increase the chances that the baby will try to repeat it again in order to hear the praise again and earn your attention.
Of course, it is very difficult to remain calm when you are in a shopping center, and your child is rolling on the floor in hysterics, in front of others. Take a deep breath, allow yourself to cool down, take your time, just pull yourself together so as not to lash out at your child.
Often, the best tactic for dealing with a child's tantrum is to not pay any attention to the child's behavior. The best way to stop this behavior is to ignore it. But just don’t confuse ignoring behavior and ignoring a child - these are different things. You shouldn’t turn around and leave, expecting him to follow you, away from the ill-fated toy counter, as you will only scare him and cause even more hysteria, but correct conclusions he won't be able to do that. It’s better to pick up some product and start supposedly studying it carefully, rummage through your bag with a worried look, pick up the phone and pretend that you’re calling someone, just don’t focus on the child’s behavior. The baby will very soon understand that no one is going to indulge his screams, and will eventually get tired of screaming. And next time it might not even start.
Some things in a child’s life are mandatory: sleeping, eating, riding in a car in a car seat, etc. The baby, of course, should know that pinching and biting is prohibited, and so on. But there are things that are not mandatory, and in these situations you can safely compromise.
Don't overdo it with responsibilities and prohibitions. A child should have no more than 3-4 basic rules of behavior, violating which he will be punished. In all other respects, you can give in to the child, of course, depending on the situation. When a baby, for example, categorically wants to wear his New Year's suit, you shouldn’t ban him. This little thing is not worth the child’s hysterics and the parent’s nerves. But if he is stubborn and refuses to put on a hat on a cold winter day, be patient and try to reach him and explain why this cannot be done.
Be logical and consistent in your own behavior; it should not change depending on your mood. The child must clearly understand that if he commits this offense, he will be punished. The punishment itself for a child should be a restriction, a deprivation of some pleasure that is significant for the child, and not putting him in a corner. In addition, the punishment of a child for an offense should be carried out according to the “here and now” principle. Children’s concept of time is not quite the same as that of us adults, so the child is unlikely to be able to correlate the punishment after a while with his action, and, not understanding why he was punished, he will harbor a grudge.
If in some situation you have already told your child “no”, you should not compromise, respond to persuasion, negotiate with the child, canceling your decision. This is how we simply raise manipulators. Therefore, again, think before you make decisions, so that you don’t regret what you said later and don’t change your decisions on the fly. Children immediately understand that it is possible to negotiate with you, and then you yourself will not notice how your child begins to set the boundaries of behavior, not you.
And don't forget: Absolutely all parents periodically experience stress from communicating with their child. By no means does this mean that you are a bad parent. We are all human and we are all imperfect. Don't beat yourself up over this. Raising a child at 2-3 years old, as at any other age, is a very difficult task. But how many pleasant moments communication with our baby brings us!..
A little more about what raising a 2-year-old child should be like:
