They say that love comes only once in a lifetime, but many disagree with this and claim that they have loved at least five, or even ten times in their lives. But absolutely everyone will agree that Love – this is the brightest feeling, without which there is no point in living. But she is not always joyful and inspired - very often it happens that love brings so much pain and suffering that you want to tear this feeling out of your heart, bury it on the other side of the world and never experience anything like that again.
What could be the reason for this? Yes, everything that is suitable - unrequited feelings, danger to your psyche, reputation, and even life. Any sane person understands that it is impossible to stop loving another with a wave of the hand, but it is always worth trying, because love is killed over the years, by everyday life, by a bad attitude. So maybe with an effort of will you can stop loving a loved one? In war, all means are good, so you need to try everything to achieve your goal.
First steps
The more you strive stop loving a guy , the more you think about it, the stronger your feelings. The hardest thing is to start, but having gathered your courage, taking all your iron will into a fist, you need to gradually force your feelings to cool down. We won’t be able to tell you how to quickly fall out of love with your ex-boyfriend, since only magic can promise lightning-fast results in amorous affairs. But if you really want with all your heart to remove the object of your love from your heart and memory, and every day you think about how to stop loving a guy and start your life from scratch, then we simply must warn you that this idea is not always successful and requires a person to maximum mental effort.
Why do I want to stop loving?
Take time in a calm, quiet environment to think about everything and realize the correctness of your decision. Firstly, make sure that you really want to be free and independent that you wish yourself a better destiny and a brighter and more promising future. Try to look for such arguments , against which your loving heart will not be able to find any excuses. For example: “he drinks and smokes, which means I won’t be able to give birth to healthy children from such a person” or “he’s too aggressive in a drunken stupor, and someday it could end badly”, or “he’s lazy and doesn’t want to go to college, and even more so to work - I can’t see a secure future with such a person,” or “he doesn’t strive for anything, he’s lazy, and I don’t need such a life partner,” or “he looks at other girls too often and does it even in in my presence, what will happen next?
Believe me, girls: ideal men simply do not exist on this earth, and everyone can find flaws, bad habits, or even little things that slightly irritate you. The more little things like this you find, the easier it will be to convince yourself that he is not a match for you and that your heart does not need him at all.
“Burn” the memories 
In order to throw a guy out of your heart, you must burn (both figuratively and literally) all memories - delete all joint photos and correspondence from the computer, remove him from friends on VKontakte, Odnoklassniki, delete his SMS and number from his phone, blacklist his number, mercilessly burn all postcards, notes, movie tickets in the forest or right above the gas stove, give soft toys and his other gifts to an orphanage (now they are more needed there). And do all this ruthlessly, don’t cry over every card, sweep everything into an armful and, without looking, throw it into the fire or into the trash can. And you don’t need to leave any cute and heart-warming figurines or teddy bears - they will only remind you of the good sides of your boyfriend, and then it will be even more difficult to stop loving him.
By such actions you will be able to clear the atmosphere around you of any memories of him, and now the most difficult thing remains - to remove everything from your head and heart.
Change yourself
A girl can only become different at that moment when she completely changes herself, including externally. New clothes, shorter skirts, a fitted coat instead of a regular jacket, replace comfortable ballet shoes with thin (albeit low) heels, change your hairstyle or hair color, Instead of the usual light pink, cover your nails with a defiant bright red varnish. And all your arguments “I don’t want this now”, “I can’t live without him” and “this is all not for me” are simply not accepted - you are obliged to change for the sake of your future, a better future without him.
Believe me, even such a little thing as red nail polish is ready to cheer you up. Well, if you go out into the street completely changed, many men will probably pay attention to you. Well, nothing knocks old love out of the heart as well as new love.
Make new acquaintances
We all know the saying " knocking out a wedge with a wedge
" It will seem to many that this way of falling out of love with an ex is not very effective, because in every new person a girl in love will look for the traits of her soul mate. But the main thing is not the comparison process itself, but the result. There is a very high chance that not in the first, but in the second, and maybe in the third candidate, you will finally meet someone who will be better than your lover - and then new feelings will flare up, extinguishing the old ones.
In addition, it simply helps to be distracted, which also gives some hope that the less you think about a person, the less your feelings for him. However, you shouldn’t rush headlong into searching for new love, change guys like gloves, or even worse, take revenge on the entire male sex for your painful love. You shouldn’t let everyone you meet into your bed in order to forget someone who doesn’t want to leave your heart - this way you will only expand the emptiness in your soul, because fly-by-night guys don’t heal the soul, they corrupt it even more.
All you need is light flirting, the realization that someone else might like you, that other guys are just as interested in you that it was not only your ex-lover who saw you as a woman.
New sensations, new emotions, easy falling in love, the first touch of hands, lips, holiday romance- this is exactly what you need so much in order to forget. And all this can be obtained on vacation, in a hot country, where you can go with a friend, or best of all, with a whole company. There you certainly won’t get bored and lose yourself in your sad thoughts!
Don't leave yourself any free minutes
In the case when your thoughts and heart are filled with an unnecessary person, free time is our enemy because it is precisely when we are not busy, when our brains and thoughts are free from worries, that he comes into them, that person whom we so want to erase from life. What to do about it? Do not allow free minutes into your life, that is, load each of your days so that there is time only for 6 hours of sleep, and at night you come so tired that you only have enough strength to lie down on the pillow and immediately fall asleep.
Achieving this effect is very simple - set a goal for yourself to climb the career ladder, plunge headlong into study, work, come up with a few hobbies, get yourself a dog, with whom you will never be sad. The more activities, goals, and desires you have, the less time you will have for sad thoughts, the more acquaintances you will have, the more chances you have of finding that person who can oust your former love from your heart.
Make an appointment with a psychologist
In America, in the West, such a solution to a problem as going to a psychologist is quite common, and no one is ashamed of it, because many people there understand that emotional distress cannot be cured with pills and potions - for this you need a specialist in the field of psychology.
You ask, how can a psychologist help you stop loving? He will simply explain from session to session that love is actually not such a bright and great feeling, but just a biochemical process in our body, the desire of a human individual to continue his race. And such processes have been inherent in each of us since ancient times. It is not so easy for many girls to realize this scientific truth, because they love their chosen ones so fanatically. But if you really find a good psychologist who understands such things, then perhaps, together with the rest of our advice, he will really help you get rid of this “love addiction,” as many experts in the field of psychology call it.
Common Mistakes 
When you make the final decision to stop loving your ex, you can probably make a few of the most common mistakes:
Don't kill love with alcohol
Many people (both men and women) believe that there is only one way to escape from feelings - by drinking yourself into unconsciousness. But this is the most serious mistake, which leads to completely opposite consequences. Alcohol makes a person’s brain liberate, and if when sober you promised yourself never to call this person, then a drunken head will definitely remember his number (even if it has long been erased from contacts) and force your hands to write at least one sms about love. Do you need it? Of course not! Therefore, stay away from alcohol at such moments - it is easier for a sober head to restrain a heart that has not yet cooled down.
Don't think that you will forget your former love forever.
« Fall out of love" is not a synonym " forget“, because memory cannot be erased by force of will. Don't be upset if his image sometimes pops up in your head - the main thing is that it doesn't make your heart skip a beat. And it’s very easy to check whether you have stopped loving a person or not - if you accidentally see him on the street or come across his photo, and your heart does not respond in any way, then you have succeeded in your business.
Don't go to fortune tellers
This method is especially often used by those women who need to stop loving a married man. This is one of the most difficult tasks, because he probably fed you with promises, you loved him and hoped for so many years, but finally realized that you have no future with him. Many fortune tellers claim that it is very easy to quickly fall out of love with a man, to punish the chosen one who betrayed you, to send all sorts of damage, curses, etc. on him for little money. But you shouldn’t run to your grandmothers and ask them for advice on how to stop loving a man - they will offer you a conspiracy, a slander, a lapel potion and other nonsense, they will tell you or put a spell on it. Although many women claim that this helps to lose interest in their lover, it still contradicts many life principles, and it remains to be seen how such actions of black evil forces can affect your children.
Don't dig inside yourself
Often, after an unsuccessful relationship, after betrayal, after a partner’s feelings for you have cooled, self-esteem decreases, we begin to think about what is wrong with us, what mistakes we have made, we begin to delve into ourselves, looking for even non-existent flaws. Self-analysis is good, but self-flagellation is unlikely to help you in any way. Since you have decided to rid your heart of love for your ex, then you need to love yourself again, fall in love with your new, changed self, and convince yourself that now he is not worthy of even your little finger. If you have changed for the better, then why do you need such a guy? Did he find another? Did he go on a binge or just cheat? Well, thank him for teaching me such a lesson, for allowing me to diversify my life and showing me what kind of fools you shouldn’t marry.
But even after reading all the advice written above and trying them all, no one can give you a guarantee that you will stop loving a person, because we are not robots or mechanisms that have a button “ Off" We are living people with a lot of emotions and experiences. And everyone’s future depends only on ourselves, and only we build our own destiny. And sometimes it happens that for the sake of your future and the happiness of your children you need to sacrifice love.
In life, sometimes we have to deal with unrequited love, with love for a person who does not deserve it or with whom we cannot have a relationship for very specific reasons. This makes the question relevant: how to forget it?
A good place to start is to ask yourself: Do I really want to forget him? Is this my final decision? If not, the question disappears. If you have made an irrevocable decision to rid yourself of this addiction, then you have to work hard. Is it a joke to kill such a wonderful feeling, which many have elevated to the rank of spiritual, superhuman and unique, something that is not given to everyone, that subjugates many to its will for many years?
Despite the difficulties that arise for any person faced with the need to “forget,” this can be done. Let's discuss ways that will help you stop loving and find peace of mind.
Working with the cause.
There is a possibility that the person, by his presence next to you, performed an important function, helped satisfy some urgent need, and therefore was chosen by you. Perhaps this is the need for attention, for the security that he could provide, for sharing responsibilities in your life, for justifying your behavior or thinking style (if he was “the only one” who understood you in some way) - there are a lot of options.
Think about it, could this happen? If yes, then you should listen to yourself and find other ways to satisfy the same need. For example, you can look for love and understanding from friends, make new acquaintances if the circle of current friends is limited and cannot give what you need now. In general, try to communicate with people as much as possible during this period of your life, and not withdraw into yourself. After all, the needs associated with people can only be satisfied with the help of people.
Changing your thinking.
According to the theory of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy, the emotions experienced by a person are based on incorrect thinking that is inadequate to reality. Hence the conclusion: in order to change feelings and emotions, you need to change the style of thinking itself, work with unproductive thoughts that arise - replace them with more realistic ones.
For example, thoughts about obligation (“I must love/be loved!”, “I must have a partner!”) must be replaced with thoughts about preference (“I would like to have a partner, but I don’t have to”, “It would be good to love/ to be loved”, etc.). This will reduce the severity of the emotion and bring it closer to one that will be adequate to the situation.
Often a person falls in love not with a real partner, but with his idealized image, so our main task is to bring this image closer to the real one. This can be done by finding serious shortcomings in a person, searching for his psychological problems. Your task is to de-romanticize the image of your loved one.
Is he so beautiful? Every person has flaws, that's how we are made. Try to find as many of these shortcomings as possible and concentrate on them when thoughts about him enter your head. Some psychologists suggest de-romanticizing the image of a person by imagining him in ridiculous situations: for example, defecating, or wearing a clown hat and family panties in front of an audience, or with female makeup on a serious face.
Mentally speaking out the reasons for the impossibility of being together also helps to cope with love. Imagine what would really happen to you if you got married: exaggerate in the area where you encounter unpleasant moments (infidelity, coming home late, habits that are unpleasant for you, etc.).
Some people believe that in order to stop loving a person, you need to forget him and everything connected with him. In this article I present a different position - don’t forget! This is a part of your life, your invaluable experience, which is not so easy to forget, and it is not necessary. What should we do with it? Work through, re-evaluate, take a fresh look at this difficult, but such an important experience. Any experience can be useful to one degree or another.
At the same time, after you have been able to work through this experience, try to think about it less often. As soon as you feel that the thought of this person is creeping up again, nip it in the bud! Immediately change the topic of your internal monologue, do something that requires a good concentration of your attention so that you cannot be distracted by thoughts about it.
The end result of your internal work should be the following: it is necessary, despite all his shortcomings, to forgive and mentally let go of this person. This set point will end an important period of your life, and you will be able to start a new one - a stage without this person. It is the feeling of internal incompleteness that haunts us and brings back in our memory the painful experience of communicating with the object of love.
Changes in behavior and external environment.
Internal work with thoughts should be supported by external work - changing behavior and creating favorable external conditions for saying goodbye to love. Remove or throw away his things, stop looking for things that remind you of him and his life. Stop looking for meetings with him, try to completely eliminate any contact if possible. No wonder the famous proverb says: “Out of sight, out of mind!”
Sports and other active activities (dancing, martial arts, etc.) will help you get rid of accumulated negative emotions, aggression and simply prevent your tone from falling, which means that to some extent they will protect you from possible depression. Maintain your mood level. Don't let yourself lose heart, think positive, listen to pleasant and rhythmic music, have fun and go to various events with friends.
When a relationship breaks down, time and space in the heart are always freed up. They need to be occupied with other things, and certainly interesting ones: new or long-forgotten, but joyful activities, interests, hobbies.
Popular wisdom again rushes to our aid: “They knock out a wedge with a wedge.” New relationships, new feelings are something that can irrevocably displace old hopes and pain. The main thing to remember is: you shouldn’t look for a person who looks like your ex-lover. This will create the risk of unnecessary memories of him or you will step on the same rake again - why do you need this?
Time is a good doctor. It will pass, and you will suddenly feel that you are now thinking less and less about this person, your feelings are slowly cooling down and bothering you less. Thank yourself for the work you were able to do. And put a bullet point with relief!
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Our feelings are not always mutual. Or love can bring more suffering than joy. If you are caged by your own experiences, the best solution is to figure out how to let the person out of your thoughts.
This will bring you long-awaited relief and wonderful opportunities for a new life. The best way to help with this is the advice of a psychologist, which will be discussed step by step in this article.
Many people confuse the concepts of “letting go” and “forgetting” or “falling out of love” completely. The easiest way to understand this is to think about the literal meaning of “letting go.”
For example, they bought a balloon for a little girl. She was very happy with him and played with him for a long time. But soon she wanted to play with other toys. So she took the thread and let it go. The ball flew into the sky and became free.
In the same way, a person fixated on a burdensome relationship needs to switch to something else. But this does not mean that at this stage he will not remember about his loved one and will completely forget about him.
- Letting go means stopping interfering in your personal life, trying to control and being aware of everything.
- Start living your own life, without looking at the person you are thinking about
- Enjoy freedom
- Be ready for new love
- Understand the lessons of the past
- Forgive yourself and your loved one
- Find harmony and joy from every new day
Why is this even necessary?
There is a category of people who do not understand why they should abandon a person. They firmly believe that with the necessary persistence and ingenuity, they can achieve reciprocity. To put it bluntly, force yourself to love. But this is a big mistake.
Let's say a person likes pineapples. But he is indifferent to pears or cannot tolerate them at all. And no matter how much you pretend that you are a pineapple, you will not stop being a pear. That's how the circumstances turned out.
But there are many people who, on the contrary, prefer pears to other fruits. So maybe it’s worth considering other options and finding a more suitable one?
Disadvantages of trying to hold on tighter to someone who is “not your own”:
- No matter what actions you take, you will not be able to influence a person so that he reciprocates.
- Instead of the happiness you deserve, you only see self-pity, resentment, and dissatisfaction.
- You are only prolonging your suffering. In the end, you won't be together anyway.
- Because of constant encroachments, a person will begin to show disrespect for you and become irritated. You will be forced to humiliate yourself all the time.
- As a result of such persecution, you will get upset nerves and a predisposition to depression.
- You will lose interest in your own life, your goals and aspirations. If you continue in the same spirit, then dismissal from work, expulsion from the institute and other troubles are not far off.
Will this make you feel better?
Psychologist's advice: Relationships are what give us positive emotions, not what destroys us. You, like every living being, are worthy of love. You don’t have to go out of your way to please, or change your principles. A lot of people will appreciate you without it.
Why don’t you let go of thoughts about a person?
If you can’t forget someone, it means that person was very important to you. Your feelings for him are very strong, so your thoughts always return to him. Or the object caused you a lot of offense and disappointment. And now you have negative feelings towards him or even a desire for revenge for everything he caused to you. In any case, you should abandon unnecessary thoughts as quickly as possible. So that they don’t lie like a dead weight in your soul.
Case from practice:
Irina’s story: “For a very long time, thoughts about my former, beloved husband haunted me. We were together for 6 years, legally married for 3 years. The separation turned out to be very quick and unexpected. In just a month, his attitude changed a lot. All my attempts to please were in vain.
After which he left without really explaining anything. For 1.5 years I waited for him to return and say that he was mistaken and ask for forgiveness. But instead I found out that he married someone else and they were expecting a child. It was a real shock! I realized that I couldn’t handle it on my own.
The feelings never cooled down; I didn’t even want to look at other men. I decided to see a psychologist. I was very pleased with the result. After a few sessions, I became much calmer about the situation and was able to accept it.
Gradually I realized that life goes on and thoughts about my ex left me. Only a psychologist helped me start building new relationships.”
How to erase the person you love from your thoughts?
So, you understand the inevitability and importance of this moment. Congratulations, this means half the way has already been completed!
It will be very useful to be able to thank the person. Parting is not a loss, but a gain. The most important thing in life is experience. And you need to learn from this experience to find your mistakes and not repeat them in the future.
Even if you received only suffering and pain, do not despair. This is an opportunity to grow up, not get too attached to people, and learn to build harmonious relationships.
To say goodbye to a person correctly, it is important to do everything in stages. It is not recommended to skip any of the stages. Otherwise, what you missed will still come up, and the moment will not be the most appropriate.
- Give free rein to your emotions. There is no need to try to drown out the negativity. You can cry, scream, get angry, sob. If you feel better after a large portion of ice cream, use this method too. Some people like to write down their experiences on paper.
- After you come to your senses a little, move on to analyzing the situation. Let's face it. Do not try to embellish the situation and the person who has left. Write down all the advantages of this relationship in column 1, and all the disadvantages in column 2. And then think again, were they really that good?
- Say thank you to your ex-lover for all the good things that happened. Sincerely wish him happiness.
- Now there is no need to look for the guilty and engage in soul-searching. It will be easier to think through everything when you calm down completely.
- Carry out a suspension. Throw away or put away all gifts and photographs that remind you of the past. Don't get carried away by melodramas and music about unhappy love. Change your phone number so you don't have to wait for a call. In short, delete the past.
- Change your appearance. This also helps to psychologically adjust to a new life. Change your hairstyle, wardrobe. Take up exercise at the gym. Even if you are not overweight, it never hurts to tighten your figure. Plus, it boosts self-confidence well.
- Think about how you could fill the emptiness within yourself. Something nice and interesting. A new activity, a pet, a book about relationships and personal growth. Don't isolate yourself, communicate more. If you can afford it, it's good to go traveling.
- Learn to enjoy life again. Enjoy the little things. Make your wishes come true.
- Plan your future life. The wish map stimulates well in this.
- Now you can analyze the past with a cold mind. Reflect on mistakes and lessons learned.
After all the stages you will definitely feel renewed. And your pain will pass.
Different cases require different amounts of time for the entire process. From a month to a year. But the sooner you take this path, the sooner you can free yourself from the burden.
Important tip: Don't wallow in self-pity. Don't worry about how unhappy your fate is. How lonely you are. It is better to remember in difficult moments about those who are even worse. About orphans, disabled people, lonely old people.
Better yet, think about how you can help them alleviate their suffering. And then you will forget about your own pain.
Useful meditation
When you have to part with your loved one, thoughts naturally arise that you will never be able to love again. I just don't want to experience the same pain again.
But you don’t need to cultivate this opinion in yourself. After all, without love, life is boring and insipid. Instead, try a great meditation to help you regain a healthy attitude towards love.
- When you are alone and no one will disturb you, dim the lights and sit in a comfortable position.
- Concentrate and close your eyes. Consider where your capacity for love may lie.
- When you find the right place, fixate on it.
- Imagine light emanating from this point in your body. Mentally direct it to your beloved pet or loved one.
- If you did everything right, you will have a desire to do something good for the people around you. To those people to whom the glow was directed.
If you do this exercise every day, unnoticed by yourself, you will discover that the resentment inside will be replaced by genuine love for the environment.
Letting go from our hearts and thoughts
Can't you forget someone for a long time? This practice will help destroy even old connections and free yourself from negativity.
- Go to a quiet place and make yourself comfortable.
- Close your eyes and imagine the performance stage. On stage is a man who has caused a lot of suffering.
- Now imagine yourself on an elevated platform above this person or floating in the air.
- Focus on your offender. Imagine it in great detail, down to the smallest detail.
- Feel all the sensations you feel for him as sharply and vividly as possible.
- Then imagine what the connection between you looks like? Barely visible threads or thick rope? Or maybe a plastic tube? What do they connect? Chest, throat, stomach or neck area?
- Visualize this state for a while.
- Think about what personal character traits you and this person lack so that the relationship becomes less painful. Maybe patience, fortitude, self-confidence? Think carefully about all your options.
- Now imagine how God or a guardian angel appears above the stage, who sufficiently possesses all the qualities.
- Contact him with a request to give what is missing. Start imagining how you are filled with everything you need. Feel it very clearly, how you change from this.
- Visualize how you convey the missing qualities to the person connected with you through the channel. Let it fill completely.
- Then look at it again. Did he change after that? What exactly has become different: emotions, smile on your face, posture?
- If necessary, talk to him. Surely he taught you a good lesson, taught you something new. Even through painful experiences. In any case, ask for forgiveness, even if he is more to blame for you.
- Then imagine breaking the connection. How would you like to do this? With scissors or cut with a sword? Remember what you look like separately, free from each other.
How to let go of a deceased loved one
The death of a loved one is a real tragedy for those who have to deal with it. After such a blow of fate, it is not easy to get back on your feet and continue to live an ordinary life. Especially when a young person close to us or even a child dies.
Many cannot accept the injustice of what happened. There are people who are unable to come to terms with this situation even a year after death. Often they carry on an ongoing dialogue with the deceased, as if he were still alive.
Adviсe:
- No one denies your difficult situation. But don't forget about common sense. Try to convince yourself of the need to return to life. After all, it has already happened, and nothing can be changed. Especially with tears and hysterics. If you stop being heartbroken now, you may undermine your health and psyche. But this won’t make it better, will it? Think about your surviving loved ones.
- Often strong experiences haunt us when a person feels guilty before the deceased. Perhaps you did not behave very well towards him, were rude or not attentive enough, did not help when he needed it. But now nothing can be changed. And your suffering won't help matters either. Therefore, concentrate better on living people. Try to behave in such situations in a better way. Surely many of your close acquaintances also need help and support.
- Think about it this way: I was not indifferent to him. Therefore, he would not like to see me in agony and sadness. After all, no one would really want to become the cause of suffering for a loved one.
- Try to give all your strength to your work. A good way to improve matters and forget about painful thoughts. Because there simply won’t be time left for them.
- Think that the deceased has gone to a better world. According to Christianity, the human soul is immortal, only the body dies. Pray for him. If this doesn’t help, talk to a priest. Ask all your questions. Don't hush anything up. Sometimes, to find peace, you just need to talk it out. Case from practice:
Victoria's story: “I never thought that such grief could happen in my life. My beloved son died at the age of 7 years. For a long time I couldn’t believe what had happened. It seemed that all this was not happening to me.
But the reality was monstrous. Life ceased to interest me completely, although other close people remained - my husband and eldest daughter. My husband signed me up to see a psychologist and literally forced me to go. To my surprise, I felt a little better after the first conversation.
So I continued the treatment. The psychologist helped me look at what happened from the other side, remember that other loved ones need me, and understand that you can continue to live, even after the death of a child.
To stop racing thoughts about the past in your head and forget a person, you need fortitude and a wise attitude towards the situation. If you are in a difficult situation, our specialists will definitely help you consultations with a psychologist online. Don't isolate yourself and your grief.
The sooner you take the first step, the fewer days you will have to spend in agony. An experienced psychologist is the best medicine for the soul and a harmonious life.
