Question to a psychologist
Hello. My situation is banal - a war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law (daughter-in-law is me). In general, 15 years ago, my mother-in-law declared war on me, that is, immediately after the wedding and wedding with her son. Our war is cold, hidden - there are no scandals and other loud showdowns. We always politely greet each other and are never rude. From the outside it seems to everyone that our relationship is ideal. If it were not for the huge BUT, she hates me with all her heart and diligently makes my life hell. About her hatred I found out about me from her, she said so immediately, the day after the wedding, followed by a very banal enumeration of the reasons for her hatred - not a match for her son, not the kind of daughter-in-law she dreamed of, etc., etc. We live together I’ve been with her and my father-in-law for 10 years, and before that, my mother and sister lived with me for 5 years (both of them are no longer alive and this apartment no longer exists). We also don’t have our own home and don’t expect to in the near future. To rent an apartment we also tried, but only lasted 4 months, it turned out to be too expensive for us. So, to the joy of my mother-in-law, we all live together in the same apartment, or rather, she is only happy that her son is always nearby
, and also I, her worst enemy, and enemies, as you know, need to be kept closer (under control). She controls our every step and breath in the literal sense of the word, for example, hearing if her husband (her son) coughed at least once or not God forbid, he sneezed, she burst into our room door asking if he was sick, and of course with a reproach to me - it’s your fault (opened the window, didn’t insist on putting on a hat, etc.) Now things have come to the point where we My husband pinches our noses so as not to sneeze and we always talk in a whisper, even in our room, because we know that she is listening under the door. I collect medicine packages and garbage in the form of some kind of receipts, papers, etc. in an opaque bag and I give it to my husband in the morning before work so that he can throw it in the street trash bin, because she controls even what we throw in the trash can and if she sees any receipts or packaging for medicines, I will have to justify myself and explain what it is, why and why. She also controls the refrigerator, all the cabinets with her husband’s things. She checks the refrigerator every morning; if there is something she doesn’t like (wrong products or something is missing in her opinion), she immediately corrects it and buys it. Naturally, not silently, but with accusations against me that I am a disgusting housewife (more precisely, careless, that’s what she calls me) I am forced to cook food for my husband at night, when she and her father-in-law go to bed, because it is impossible to do this during the day - she will subject everything to the harshest criticism and may even try to throw it away what I prepared, replacing it with my own cooked food. Well, of course, she tells all this (about my carelessness and mismanagement) a lot and with pleasure to her husband (her son), as well as to other relatives if anyone asks. But, I repeat once again, that she does all this without raising her voice, without insulting, with a smile, with a sigh and sadly shaking her head, each time emphasizing that without her and her help, we will simply die of hunger, from a cold or from many other things that she does not I expected such a terrible choice for my son, because he brought into her house not a helper, but an unreasonable, careless girl who is completely unsuitable for him, cannot handle the housework and is not capable of having children (nevertheless, she is categorically against our adoption of a child, she says - since God didn’t give you children, it means you can’t handle it, the Lord knows and sees who is worthy of having a child and you shouldn’t go against his will) What I wrote is the tip of the iceberg, there are too many situations to describe each one. But the point is that I’m tired, the years go by, but these situations don’t change or disappear, but on the contrary, they only multiply. I am afraid that soon I will not have the strength to restrain myself and fight her war with dignity. I consider it impossible to divorce my husband after 15 years of marriage in love and harmony. But I don’t know how to continue to live in this hell. My husband remains neutral, I him I understand, mom is mom, you don’t choose your parents. He advises me to not give a damn about everything and live in peace, especially since we’ve been living like this for so many years. But my strength is running out. I ask you to answer me, how can I get along with a person like my mother-in-law? behave and what to respond to her endless nagging? Thanks in advance for your answers.
Hello, Victoria! let's look at what's going on:
she hates me with all her heart and diligently makes my life hell. I learned about her hatred of me from her, she said so immediately, the day after the wedding
she openly told you that you do not suit her - it turns out that you know this, she knows this - BUT - you are completely dependent on her and SHE is satisfied with this - she is satisfied with the fact that you obey, KNOWING how she relates to You, who are ready to bow your head before her and knows that you cannot do anything, since it depends on her will whether you can be in her apartment or not - this struggle will continue as long as you live with her - with you There is NO corner where YOU can be the hostess! therefore - talk to your husband and decide the issue with housing - let it be a rented house, let you spend money, even just a room, or an apartment in another city - the price is NOT a question of MONEY, but in your sense of peace, in the well-being of you and your husband family as a whole, in order to tear yourself out of this dependence, it is precisely THIS price that you need to pay - while you are with HER, you will obediently bow your head, and this will give her a feeling of superiority and significance, she will see you as incapable of living your children's lives! and this feeling of humility, your own lack of will, insecurity is what drains you! voice this to your husband - urgently solve the problem - after all, during this time a family has not been created, you are constantly under supervision, neither your role as Mistress of the House, Wife, Mother has been formed - and all this will continue to be postponed! You shouldn’t blame her - she is who she is, you CAN’T change her ALSO - this is her apartment, she is the owner, and YOU are the one who decides your fate!
We also tried to rent an apartment, but it lasted only 4 months, it turned out to be too expensive for us. So, to the joy of my mother-in-law, we all live together in the same apartment, or rather, she is only happy that her son is always nearby
It’s gotten to the point where my husband and I hold our noses so as not to sneeze and always talk in a whisper, even in our room, because we know that she’s listening at the door.
Valentina, if you decide to figure it out, feel free to contact me - call me - I will be glad to help you!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 3 Bad answer 0Have you ever heard a phrase like this: “If it weren’t for his mom, we would never have separated, my mother-in-law hates me!”? You've probably heard, because there are quite a few such couples. The question is different: can relationships with mother-in-law really lead to divorce, or is it just a habit of blaming anyone for your failures, but not yourself? The situation is quite ambiguous, so it requires a more detailed consideration. What to do if the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law?
Where does negativity come from?
My mother-in-law hates me - what should I do? Many married girls today ask this kind of question. The negative attitude of the mother-in-law towards the daughter-in-law can begin at a subconscious level, starting from the very moment when the object of “sharing” between women was just born. From the day your chosen one was born, your mother-in-law raised a real man who, in fact, should be ideal for her. This feature is especially clearly manifested in those ladies whose husband does not correspond to their ideas about an ideal life partner, as well as in divorced women and single mothers. Therefore, while raising her son, the mother, on a subconscious level, strives to provide herself with support and support in the future. And everything would be fine, but the years go by, the son grows up, finds a life partner, and the mother realizes that she is gradually losing him. The young man devotes more and more time and attention to his lady love, and his mother, meanwhile, “tears and rushes.” Is there any point in further explaining why mothers-in-law hate their daughters-in-law?
What is the mother-in-law thinking?
The first thing your husband's mother thinks about is that his young wife will never be able to love and care for her son as persistently, selflessly and sincerely as she does. After all, only a mother, like no one else, knows all her son’s preferences, all his habits, sore spots, and so on. From the moment a woman learns that her child has a bride, she involuntarily begins to accumulate negativity, which later often results in complete hostility towards a person “stranger” to her family. After a girl gets into the house of her future husband, she should be as focused as possible and try not to make mistakes, if possible, because it will be quite difficult to correct them in the future. Every careless act, every awkward detail can provoke an exacerbation of subconsciously caused negative emotions in the future mother-in-law. But what mistakes should a daughter-in-law not make in relation to her new “mother”?
Don't show your feelings
When a girl, being a bride, thinks about the question: “Why does my mother-in-law hate me?”, she should pay attention to her behavior. It is important to be able to prioritize in relationships with your future husband and his mother. Do not demonstrate your love and emotions too actively towards your spouse - this will only make your mother-in-law jealous. Be polite and courteous in conversations with her, and try to ignore caustic remarks in your direction. Instead, give your warmth to your beloved man, but do not do it too openly in front of his mother.
Don't praise your mom too much
Stories about what a wonderful mother you have, how delicious her borscht is and how carefully she cleans will not melt the ice in the heart of your mother-in-law. On the contrary, it will fuel her dislike for you. Your newly-made mother-in-law may decide that you are saying all this as a reproach to her, because she is firmly convinced that no one can cook soup or iron a shirt better than her.
Don’t try to set your own rules and constantly interfere with everyday life.
The rules and foundations in your husband’s house have been established by your mother-in-law for years; this is an established process that should not be subjected to constant interference. In her home, the mother-in-law is the mistress, and outside interference in what she is already accustomed to can be regarded as the most banal disrespect. Everyone knows that there is no place for two housewives in the same kitchen, so don’t be lazy to agree in advance on all the issues that arise that relate to cooking and housekeeping. And remember: the final word should belong to the mistress of the house.
Don't overdo it with your mother-in-law
This mistake is most often observed among those girls who really want to please their husband’s mother. Frequent praise and flattering comments from the daughter-in-law towards the mother-in-law can be regarded by the latter as real sycophancy and lies. Such behavior will not only not please the woman, but may even harm her relationship with her own daughter-in-law. Be yourself and don't try to bribe her with deliberately flattering speeches.
Don't blame your mother-in-law for everything
Often, according to the daughter-in-law, all scandals and omissions in the family occur only because of the mother-in-law. If you are firmly convinced that if it weren’t for your husband’s mother, your family life would be the most ideal, then, as they say, this conviction will not get you far. Ultimately, your mother-in-law will hear a sea of reproaches from you, which will have a rather negative impact on your relationship with her and on mutual understanding with your husband.
Don't forbid your grandchildren to communicate with their grandmother
Some girls think that grandmothers overindulge children or turn them against their parents, and simply try to do everything so that grandmother and grandchildren intersect as little as possible. This behavior is initially completely unjustified, because it is very important for children to feel love and care from all relatives. If you think that your grandparents are going too far, just talk to them about it, but tactfully and calmly.
Sometimes misunderstanding reaches its climax, and the unfortunate girl seeks help from qualified advisers. In a current family problem, where the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law, the advice of psychologists can significantly alleviate the suffering of the unhappy woman and, together with her, develop tactics for her correct behavior with the aggressor in the person of the mother-in-law. For a family, especially a newly formed one, peace and tranquility are very important. You and your chosen one should not have a choice: you or your mother. Therefore, the task here is one - to build relationships competently and act in accordance with certain rules.
To minimize the risk of conflict situations, you need to follow some rules.
- Don't make your mother-in-law look bad to yourself and others: she's not a monster, and your husband certainly won't like it either. If they talk badly about his mother, this is the first step towards a breakup.
- Learn patience, respect and tact towards your husband's mother. You may not follow her advice, but there is no harm in listening. Remember that the mother-in-law has more experience and there may be truth in her words.
- Taking care of family comes first. If your mother-in-law sees that you take care of her son, children, cook well, and run the household, over time she will understand that the love of her life is in good hands.
- Don't be afraid to ask your mother-in-law for advice. If you ask for recipes for dishes that your new husband loves, this will somewhat soften his mother’s attitude towards you.
- Find common ground and common interests with your husband’s mother. For example, she likes to watch TV series or films - which means you need to organize a joint viewing of some new product from the world of cinema. And in the process you will communicate and make friends.
- Don't forget to show your attention. Call her to ask how she is, buy her favorite chocolate on the way home, give her small gifts.
- Don't ignore her and try to communicate more. Any problem can be solved if we talk. The more you discuss and communicate, the fewer omissions will arise in the future.
Knowing how to properly build your relationship with your husband’s mother, you can create a healthy and fulfilling family, raise children in happiness and love. Don’t forget about mutual respect, be wise and patient, and such a problem as “my mother-in-law hates me” will not be scary for you.
Why does it work out for some and not for others?
As psychologists say, sometimes a man, solely on a subconscious level, chooses a life partner who is similar to his mother. If the mother is a positive person, easy-going, friendly, and so on, then the wife will be as close as possible to a similar image. There should be no problems here, because two pleasant people will be able to establish contact with each other without any problems. But if the mother-in-law is a powerful and proud person, if all that matters to her is that everyone unquestioningly obeys her opinion, then they are unlikely to quickly find a common language with their daughter-in-law.
Is it possible to improve relations with your mother-in-law if they did not work out initially?
Are you thinking that your mother-in-law hates you and what to do? Psychologists give a clear answer - it is necessary to strive to resolve the conflict and establish a positive atmosphere in the family. If you have a healthy, adequate position towards your husband’s mother, you will succeed. If you understand that your mother-in-law is not a friend with whom you can discuss your husband without restrictions, if you do not deceive yourself and do not create illusions about your mother-in-law, then such a position will lead to the fact that over time she will change her negativity to favor and condescension . If children grow up in love and prosperity, the husband is always well-fed, satisfied and generally happy with you, then over the years even the most formidable mother-in-law becomes attached to her daughter-in-law, and this attachment develops into a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Hello dear readers. Today is another guest post from one girl. She has a very difficult situation in . And most importantly, she is expecting a child. Therefore, I ask you to respond and express your opinion in the comments.
Please note that while the son was just dating, everything was fine, but as soon as the relationship moved to a different plane, problems began.
I would like to tell you my story and listen to any advice. I dated a young man from the age of 17, 3 years. We were getting ready to get married, planning our future life together. I had a pretty good relationship with his mother. I told everyone that I had a golden mother-in-law, but did not respond to advice to keep her away. We went shopping together, cafes, restaurants, cooked together, waited together for my (now husband) to return from the army. In general, we can say they were friends.
One fine day I found out that I was pregnant. I packed my things, and we decided to seriously start living together. We didn’t live before because my parents wouldn’t let me. In my family, my father is Georgian and my mother is Russian.
They arrived at my husband’s house, and quiet horror began. Not only did my mother-in-law not even free my furniture from her old junk so that I could put my things away, I decided not to pay attention to this. She just started to finish me off. I was very worried about the fact that my parents did not want to communicate with us, and it was at that moment that my husband’s mother began.
We had no reason to swear, BUT “you took the wrong frying pan”, “how do you cut the salad”, “how do you vacuum”, “you don’t know how to cook”, this is not so. that's not true, etc. Okay, I swallowed it.
We started looking for a stroller, a crib, and envelopes for discharge. Just looking on the Internet, all my proposals and everything I liked were called in plain text “this is crap”, “what a bad taste”. We started clinging. My husband stubbornly defended me, because he saw that it was not about me. It’s funny to decide what kind of pastel linen my beloved and I will sleep on: green or black, but she even tried to decide that.
Now the financial side. We started living, as they say, from scratch. My husband is 23 years old and works, but doesn’t earn so much that we don’t need anything. We did not receive any help from my mother-in-law. Once, a week after they started living together, she gave me money for winter boots, after which the words “shut up, you’re actually walking down the street for my money.” It was scary to ask for a hundred rubles. I began to skip college, since everything that my husband brought was spent on food and some necessary, or rather necessary, things at that moment.
We began to constantly hear that we would not be able to provide for the child. I think all this was done so that we would ask her for money, thereby showing that we needed her help, but we managed everything ourselves. She began to quietly spread rot on me while my husband was at work (I don’t work). It got to the point that she started telling me “you’re nobody to him,” and “you’re here on a bird’s license,” “you’ll do everything as I said,” but what’s even worse, she started making fun of the fact that at 20 years old I’m in a position , they say I lost my virginity early.
I got tired of putting up with it and started complaining to my husband. He defended me, swearing began. My mother-in-law just nodded her head that she understood everything, but when my husband left for work again, she no longer looked me right in the eyes. She invited her friends over, or talked on the phone for hours and discussed what a bad daughter-in-law I was!
In general, these constant reproaches brought us to a scandal, which was most inappropriate with her son... A scandal broke out, reproaches, claims and insults began. My mistake is that I rashly answered her in the same coin and my husband heard everything. I understand now what pain this caused him, but then when she began to insult me with her last words, I didn’t think about anything. I packed my things and left.
After 2 days, my husband picked me up from my friend and brought me to a rented apartment. Everything seems to be fine, we live separately, BUT we live across the house from her, and there is no family idyll. My husband began to reproach me at every opportunity that his mother was now broken and her life was broken, she was alone, now she had neither a son nor a grandson. It turns out that his mother calls him constantly and sobs that she feels incredibly bad. He comes to visit her and she begins to cry, but the most interesting thing is that she says that this grandson is not hers and she will never recognize him!
She says I’ve had enough, I’m shocked. Moreover, she knows very well that he is my only man and I had no one else except him. I'm tired of listening to nasty things addressed to me, and she says it to everyone who can and cannot!
Now we live separately, he is with his mother, and I am in a rented apartment. His mother doesn’t want us to live with her, and we don’t have another apartment or enough money. Even what we are filming now is quite expensive. I’m giving birth in the summer and I no longer know how or what will happen.
Now, while he’s at her house, I’m more than sure she’ll trick him into saying that there’s no need to live with me. I don’t know how to protect myself and my husband from his mother. If he returns, the life that was (constant reproaches and conversations about his mother) does not suit me.
They are already in my throat. But for some reason I am sure that she will process it, so that we will no longer have anything. There are more than enough tricks there.
And if I go to my parents, I will never be with him again. They won't let me do this. After all, I have a Caucasian family. And I don’t want to wait until our baby is born and he comes to me. This is a difficult situation.
Personally, I think that there will be no life like this. She will not let her son Achka go to another woman, she will constantly spread rot on her daughter-in-law and will do her best to prevent the creation of a family, not to mention her son giving his wife any jewelry. It will be against her will...
By the way, nothing is said about the father-in-law. From this we can conclude that the mother-in-law does not have a husband and her son is the only light in her mother’s window, and she is simply overwhelmed by jealousy. Jealousy leads to the desire of each woman to become the only one for a given man, which is why a kind of love triangle arises.
Not every woman can boast of an ideal relationship with her mother-in-law. Often a man’s mother and his wife are in such a tense relationship that they are literally unable to be close.
“I hate my mother-in-law, what can be done about this” - thousands of women turn to psychologists with a similar question. However, the answer must be sought not in external factors, but in the internal, spiritual problems of the lady herself.
Origins of the problem
“I sincerely hate my mother-in-law, what should I do about this problem?” - to correctly answer this question, it’s worth delving into psychology.
Most often, two women conflict for the following reasons:
Perhaps the most common source of conflict is jealousy. The daughter-in-law and mother-in-law may not admit it, but because of the hegemony in the relationship with the man, they are ready to go to great lengths.
The mother is often jealous of her son for his chosen one, and the daughter-in-law herself, feeling this negativity, turns against her mother-in-law.
Another problem that besets almost any family fits into one unspoken truth: “two housewives in the kitchen spell trouble.” If they live together. They will invariably begin to conflict over the proper raising of children, cooking and cleaning. These conflicts invariably spoil the atmosphere in the house, so psychologists advise avoiding them in all possible ways.
“I hate my mother-in-law and I don’t know how to deal with it” - in such a difficult situation, psychologists advise to be patient and resort to common methods of resolving family conflicts.
Ways to deal with family problems
It was already said above that the first action that a girl who finds herself in such a situation needs to take is to find out the true cause of the problem. Next, based on the problem, you will have to look for ways to solve it. What advice do psychologists give in this case?
How to stop hating your mother-in-law? It seems like the most obvious answer is to stop seeing her. However, the rule “out of sight, out of mind” does not work well here, because we are talking about a family member. By minimizing contacts with her mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law only creates additional conflicts. Sooner or later, the children will begin to ask why they rarely see their grandmother, and the situation will cause indignation in the husband. As a result, the conflict will move into the open stage.
Psychologists advise talking with a relative, trying to find out the cause of the problem. Perhaps we are talking about banal jealousy, or maybe the lady herself, without noticing it, offended a relative. It is better to solve the problem now so that in the end it does not turn into a long-term conflict.
It is also necessary to listen carefully to your mother-in-law’s advice, using the best of them. Often daughters-in-law perceive sincere help in a negative way, which gives rise to unnecessary quarrels.
Should I involve my husband in a conflict?
Another always pressing question is whether it is worth interfering with your beloved man in the emerging conflict. Psychologists give a clear negative answer.
According to experts, if a wife and mother-in-law start complaining to a man about their conflicts, he may simply not be able to withstand such pressure.
Often ladies force a representative of the stronger sex to make a difficult choice between mother and wife, and this does not end well. In addition, constant conversations with your husband about conflicts with your mother-in-law can reach the other side. As a result, the conflict will mature even more and turn into long-term hostility.
Psychologists advise telling your husband about the essence of the conflict only if the woman has really been suffering from excessive pressure from her mother-in-law for several months. In this case, the head of the family can calmly and reasonably talk to the mother.
Here it is important to take into account the husband’s relationship with his mother. If they also conflict, then there will be no help from the lover. A woman will have to resolve the conflict on her own.
If a man is excessively close to a relative, he must approach the disclosure of the situation carefully so as not to turn the husband against himself. Still, he can find another wife, but a man can only have one mother.
“I have hated my mother-in-law for many years, how to solve the problem” - this pressing question is so multifaceted that in each case it may have its own answers. However, there are relevant tips that should be used in resolving any family conflicts:
- do not hold grudges against each other for too long;
- avoid petty quarrels over stupid things that can ultimately affect the family climate;
- do not interfere with children and other relatives in the situation;
- objectively evaluate your own behavior and mistakes.
Sometimes the mother-in-law has quite adequate reasons not to love her daughter-in-law. However, the woman refuses to accept her guilt, which is why the conflict escalates into a real war.
In such a situation, you should study the mother-in-law’s claims in detail and try to look at yourself from the outside. Are these quibbles relevant? Is there any truth to them? Psychologists advise women not to perceive themselves as an unquestioning ideal, as this is fraught with hurtful disappointments.
Also, you should not be offended by your mother-in-law over any little thing. It is important to understand here that harmony in the family is higher than both pride and fleeting anger. By applying it today, a woman will ensure psychological comfort in the house tomorrow.
And, of course, children should never be involved in adult disputes. You cannot express an opinion about your grandmother in front of them. You shouldn’t come up with funny nicknames for her or quarrel in front of the kids. All this can affect the negative attitude of the heirs towards the older generation, distorting their psychological appearance.
Also, a grandmother should not tell her grandchildren about the bad qualities of their mother. Still, for children, the parent will always be the best. Children are sensitive to any negative changes in the family, so it is often impossible to protect them from conflict. The task of the family is to minimize the influence of this factor on the younger generation.
“Why don’t the psychologist’s advice help, and I still hate my mother-in-law?” Many ladies ask this question, without thinking about how objective and sincere their efforts to save the family microclimate are. Dialogue and an easy attitude towards minor nagging or conflicts lead to the fact that women manage to forget about all grievances in a short period of time.
Irina, St. Petersburg
One of the eternal problems of family life: the eternal confrontation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Just imagine, a woman gave everything, did not spare herself, in order to raise her little blood with dignity, and then a certain person appeared, seduced the poor boy, and also forced him to marry herself. Unfortunately, this is what reality looks like through the eyes of a mother-in-law.
“This is the kind of vixen I got. Always sticking his nose into our family. He doesn’t have his own life, so he doesn’t give it to others,” this is what the young wife thinks.
Reasons for quarrels with mother-in-law
1.
If a young family does not have the opportunity to live separately, then they live with one of their parents. Typically, the husband brings his wife to his home. It would seem that two women should find a common language - there is a common love: the mother has her son, the wife has her husband. But this is where the confrontation occurs. The husband switches to his young wife, devoting less time to his mother. It hurts her. And scandals begin.
2. Again, young people live with their parents. The young wife runs the household for her family. Some mothers-in-law, usually working, allow you to take on some of the responsibilities at home. But at the same time, she begins, as she believes, to “advise”: how to cook, how to clean. But, first, she should ask: does the girl need this? If necessary, she herself will ask her mother-in-law for help. And when children appear, the mother-in-law knows better than anyone what to feed and how to dress the baby. Again, you should provide this help when you are asked, dear mothers-in-law.
3. If the couple lives separately, then the mother will miss her son’s attention. She will call asking for help. This will make the daughter-in-law angry. Sons should visit and communicate with their mothers without harming their family.
4. The mother-in-law can appear at the spouses' home without an invitation. And even worse - start managing it there.
I hate my mother-in-law, what should I do?
Many daughters-in-law ask questions: I hate my mother-in-law. What to do? What to do if your mother-in-law is unbearable?
1.
Dear girls, first put yourself in her place. Understand that she wants her child to be happy. For her, even a 30-year-old man will be a 5-year-old boy. Only parents can say that they know their child. They raised him all his life, and then you came and took him away.
Try to find common points of communication. It’s hard for your spouse to be torn between you and your mother. Never force him to choose between her and you. No matter how much he loves you, he loves his mother more. Since he has known you for 2-3 years, and her all his life. Only after living with you for 15-20 years will he be able to compare.
3. Don’t tell your spouse anything bad about his mother, no matter what she does to you. Try to make your spouse see that she is the one insulting you.
4. If she's the kind of person who likes to give advice, respond coldly but politely: "Thank you, I'll take your advice into consideration."
5. If there is no way to get along together, run away from her. Save your family.
Real life example: daughter-in-law hates mother-in-law
And now an example from life: the daughter-in-law hates the mother-in-law.
The young man is the only and late child in the family. The mother is retired. Father works. Here the guy gets married and brings his wife to him. The mother-in-law is bored, and she decides to immediately teach the young girl about housekeeping. Like every family, they have rules, and the girl has to obey, no matter how stupid they may seem. Six months pass. The girl is already pregnant and decides that she cannot live here. She and her husband move in with her parents. And they live there. Every time she comes to visit her husband’s house, the mother-in-law openly finds fault with the girl. A grandson is born. His fathers-in-law adore him, but rarely see him. Why? The daughter-in-law cannot be there. What is the conclusion? The mother-in-law, with her unnecessary help, ensured that both her son and grandson would rarely visit her.
