Mom is the most important and most important word for little man, just born. He still remembers her voice, the beating of her heart, the warmth and bliss that he felt in his mother’s womb. But what to hide, for every woman the birth of a baby is the main way to know what happiness is.
But, unfortunately, not every woman feels the need for motherhood. Both this word itself and what stands behind it are alien to some. There are women who are not touched by small chubby cheeks and tiny baby fists. And as a result, new mothers write a letter of abandonment of their own children, or even worse - they simply disappear without a trace, leaving their baby, helpless and lonely, to the mercy of fate. What is the fate of abandoned children? Nobody is interested in this fact anymore.
So, how do children live in Orphanages?
The very first home for an abandoned child is an ordinary ward in a maternity hospital, where those who are left without a mother are taken and identified. When the baby gets stronger, he will probably be admitted to some hospital. There he will be looked after by medical staff.
In such hospital wards, abandoned cubs can live for months and even years. There are often not enough places in orphanages, which is why simple children's hospitals serve as a kind of shelter for children. There are no teachers or nannies in such institutions. Therefore, little attention is paid to children; there is not enough time, much less love, for them. There is no one to walk with them, play with them, or develop them. There they are on their own. After all, if you didn’t find a place in your own family, with your mom and dad, with your grandparents, then who will need you in a regular hospital? Many children have never even been outside in their entire little lives. In the wards, refuseniks are deprived of full communication, and this often threatens them with developmental delays, both psychological and physical. Even children who are healthy from birth, being rejected by their relatives, can develop health problems in the process of further “hospital” care for them. It is very convenient for the service staff when children are confined to their own beds, do not run, do not scream, do not make noise. A special net is pulled over those who are trying to climb...
Recently, the volunteer movement has become widespread. Volunteers happily visit such institutions, bring gifts to the children, play and walk with them. This is at least some kind of joy for little people, but still it is not enough.
If the child is lucky, he ends up in an orphanage or a baby home. A completely different, regimented life begins there. But even there, every child is for himself. In orphanages there is a strict daily routine: getting up at 7 am, doing exercises, breakfast, and so on. Each room has 6-7 people, depending on conditions orphanage. The whole life of a child is subject to control and regime. Some will say that this is useful. But for any child, this is, first of all, wild stress.
The food in orphanages is not always tasty, and various delicacies are only available on holidays, and only then if you are lucky. And about vitamin deficiency and useful substances and there is no need to say... Therefore, children constantly feel hungry. This feeling can negatively affect their psyche, for example, provoke theft. Steal - to eat.
In addition to all this, children have violated the boundaries of their personal space. Refuseniks are always in plain sight, when
outsiders take a shower, go to the toilet, change clothes... And gradually the child ceases to experience a feeling of shame and embarrassment.
There are a lot of children in Baby Homes. Not all of them are refuseniks. There are also those whose parents were deprived of their rights for failure to fulfill their duties to them or for other reasons. But no matter what child lives there, they all dream of only one thing - to have their own family, their own home, mom and dad, live in their own room with their own personal things, spend free time with loving parents, visit kind grandparents, be happy.
Every child should have a mother. After all, it is mothers who are responsible for how the next generation will grow up, what future awaits our entire country and our entire world.
It is not that it is forbidden for people working with abandoned children, but it is not advisable to talk about their activities. However, we found a worker at an orphanage for children with mental disabilities who agreed to talk to us about the conditions in which newborn orphans live and why it is so difficult to become a foster parent.
— Tell us what a children's home is like.
— You know, all sorts of horrors are often said about such institutions, that in them children are fed almost from the same bowl. You shouldn’t believe this; over the 12 years of my work, the orphanage has become an almost ideal place for children.
Our babies are divided into several groups: infants up to one year old, children up to two, three, four and five years old. All groups have their own rooms: bedrooms, playrooms (also known as dining rooms), potty rooms, and two bathrooms. The building itself has a swimming pool, a sauna, and a separate room modeled as an apartment. It even has little things like a door lock! This was done so that the home environment would not be wild for the child if, God forbid, he ends up there.
Older children get used not only to the environment, but also to everyday life. They, together with the named grandparents (workers of the orphanage), learn housekeeping, right down to baking pies and cakes. It’s as if children are coming to visit relatives. With these same grandparents, children can go to the store, go to various events, and so on.
The children's food is excellent, juice and fruit are provided every day. There is a special nurse who develops a diet for children with allergies, for example. The staff even has its own doctors and massage therapists, and there is a physiotherapy room at the orphanage.
—What exactly do you do?
— My responsibilities include sterilizing instruments and helping in the physical room. It seems like you don’t need to have contact with children, but I want it, I like it! I love children, I find an approach, and they feel it and reach out in response.
I go with the guys to clinics to see specialists. When necessary, I can replace the nanny. By the way, they have very hard work. Imagine 25 children, each of whom needs to be looked after, fed, washed, taken out for a walk, and everything done on time.
— How do children get to you?
- They come in different ways. For example, parents do not fulfill their duties. Despite the fact that the institution is for children with mental disorders, we also accept children from disadvantaged families. Recently there was a case: neighbors heard that a baby was crying for a very long time behind the wall. The door was opened, and there was mom and dad... to put it mildly, nothing. Drug addicts.
Sometimes children are left on the street. The parents themselves go on a spree, and the child, for example, sits in the entrance.
— Do women in labor refuse?
- Yes, there is such a thing. This happens especially often if the mother herself is a minor.
What surprises me is that whole families come to us. First the eldest child, then the middle, youngest. Parents are churning out one after another, of course they are not going to take care of them, and they leave the kids.
It was also a shock for me to learn that a child could be born with an addiction. Mom drank and smoked during pregnancy, and now the baby must suffer for her. How is this possible?
- Why do you think this happens?
— (very long pause) They probably don't think about it. There are no parental feelings. Although... I don't know.
It happens that children of our own students also come to us. It's like it's inherited.
Although there are also opposite situations. We had a boy who had no legs. The woman who raised her five children took him in when he was three years old. Now this boy dotes on his stepmother, they are always and everywhere together.
— It turns out that there is patronage over the adoptive parents?
— Now there is very strict control over how things are in foster families. They don’t take children abroad anymore, so we keep an eye on our own.
— By the way, did this law somehow affect the occupancy rate of orphanages?
— When I started working, there were 100 children in the house, now there are 80. Over 12 years, there are definitely fewer orphans, but in recent years it’s too early to draw conclusions.
—Who is adopted more: sicker or healthier babies?
“It’s difficult for a person to decide to adopt a completely sick baby, so more people adopt healthy ones.”
— How often do children get returned?
- It happens, of course. Recently, a couple who had two children of their own adopted a baby. But something didn’t work out, maybe the family didn’t accept the new baby, and the child had to be returned. We were surprised because the family is very good.
I can say exactly what older child, the more difficult it is for him to adapt to the family. In my memory, there is a girl from an orphanage (not ours, but for older children), who was taken in twice, and both times she returned.
— Any guesses about the reasons?
“It seems to me that they are not adapted to life in a family.” In an orphanage, children are crowded together, they live on everything ready-made, they lack basic housekeeping skills.
I remembered a story that happened to me. I really liked one wonderful girl, Rita, who came to the baby’s home from the orphanage to visit her former teachers. I became friends with her and began inviting her to visit.
And so, she comes once, twice. One day I was sick and asked her to go get some medicine. She ran, brought change, everything was fine. I felt so bad that I couldn’t even sit with her and sent her to the kitchen so that the girl could take charge of things. She became embarrassed and went back to the orphanage.
Only then I look in my wallet, but there’s no money there... At first I blamed my son (he’s not very smart), but just in case, I found out about Rita in the orphanage. It turned out that this was not the first time.
I repeat, the child is wonderful: he studies well, helps teachers, sings. But he steals. Maybe it’s in her genetics: her parents are in prison for theft. Then I didn’t let her on the threshold anymore. She forgave me, but didn’t let me go home.
Rita later returned the money. But I don’t know what to do: what if I stole from someone again? I called the director of the orphanage, and she said that we should take him. The child must know that he did wrong. I hope it comes from her money...
— Do parents who left their children come to visit them?
- Anything can happen. Some parents, for objective reasons, cannot take care of their child on their own. For example, we have a boy whose mother comes to see him every weekend. Due to her health, she is not capable of raising a child. You have to get out of it like this.
But more often than not, parents act cunningly. There are special payments for children. If a parent does not visit the child for six months, then he is deprived of both parental rights and payments. So, many mothers will drop in for half an hour once every six months, check in and move on with their lives. We don't call these people very well good words. I don’t understand these parents at all, because this is the most wonderful age for a child: you can cuddle him and hold his hand. You yourself recently became a father, you know what I mean.
On the one hand, maybe three years will pass and they will come to their senses. On the other hand...
- What it should be foster parent?
- He must be patient. Love children, of course.
— Have you ever wanted to take it yourself? adopted child?
- I have already been asked this question. I love children and they love me, but... I wasn’t very able to bring my own to mind, but what can we say about someone else’s? Too much responsibility.
Interviewed by Alexey Borovenkov
Why are there so many institutions for orphans in Magnitogorsk?
REFUSION ward in a maternity hospital, then in a children's hospital. Then - the chest section of the first government home, the orphanage, where children do not cry, but lie silently in their cribs, and there, in the orphanage, they stay until they are three years old.
And then, as one step at a time: a medical-psychological-pedagogical commission and the placement of a child in an orphanage or boarding school... This is the path of children who turned out to be unnecessary to their parents and grandparents. Others are taken from abandoned mothers, found in attics, basements, heating mains, along roadsides...
More than two and a half thousand children are registered with the guardianship and trusteeship department of the city administration. Not all of them are placed in families. In our city of almost half a million, there are many “orphan institutions”: two children’s homes, two orphanages, a boarding school “Family”, a specialized educational institution for orphans with developmental delays and a social rehabilitation center for temporary stay. In the same city as us live children who will understand what childhood is only when they become adults. Some people will have nothing to remember at all. And we, adults, can fix this. Perhaps some will find parents. We dare to hope that the “MM” page “Era of Mercy” will help to do this.
Day open doors. For closed institutions like orphanage No. 4, it is simply necessary - so that those planning to adopt a baby or take care of them can calm their fears, gain determination and finally see their baby.
Olesya and Volodya stand confusedly near the massive door, they do not dare to press the bell button.
Maybe they got the time wrong, they thought, but then the door opened.
A woman in a white coat hands over shoe covers - the orphanage is considered a medical institution, and, like any hospital or clinic, cleanliness reigns here. Moreover, the open day coincided with a flu outbreak.
Despite this, today every guest is welcome, and we are led into a spacious hall. In addition to the bright decoration, the multi-colored poster in the center of the hall attracts attention - “Let there always be a mother!” Not all children in an orphanage know what a mother is, but doctors and teachers want everyone to have one. The invitation cards with a written program look touching: it includes the movie “The House We Live In,” and children’s performances with artistic performances, and “ round table» on the problems of orphanhood in the country. It’s obvious that they’ve prepared thoroughly, especially since it’s the first time that an open day has been held in the baby’s home.
Don’t waste time, - the head doctor of the house, Valentina Kharina, invites guests to take a closer look at the photographs of 21 children hanging on the wall. - All of them can be given to adoptive parents and guardians; documents for them have already been prepared. These are the healthiest children,” Valentina Alekseevna emphasizes, knowing that for Russian adoptive parents the absence of serious illnesses is one of the main criteria.
Volodya and Olesya are in no hurry: they came from the Agapovsky district to see one-year-old Pavlik. Not daring to ask how old the spouses are, I estimate - about thirty. A young couple has been living without children for many years; their parents are already tired of their grandchildren and are not at all against an adopted baby.
When did you decide? Recently,” Olesya answers. - It turned out that everyone thought about it to themselves more than once, but was afraid to admit it out loud to the other. Two weeks ago we started collecting documents, everything worked out without any unpleasant delays.
There is an orphanage in the village of Magnitny, Agapovsky district, but the children there are grown-up, and the Medvedyevs wanted a baby, so they turned to Magnitogorsk guardianship and chose Pavlik. Now they are worried: will he like him?
We will adopt the child. We don’t want to take custody, despite monthly allowance. Adoption is closer to the soul, the heart, then the child is yours, dear. And you don't need money.
We are watching a film about a baby's home. Suddenly they show a boy with the same name and the same age that Olesya and Volodya wanted to take. I turn in their direction - their faces are tense and concentrated, but no - this is not their baby: if there is a referral for adoption for a child, they have no right to show it to others. The Medvedevs were just wondering - what is their Pasha like, is he going down a small hill, is he tenaciously holding the pyramid in his hands?
Cinema is cinema - everything is subject to the director’s plan, and don’t look for childish spontaneity there. When the oldest “stars” of the orphanage - two and three year olds - came out to visit the guests, the faces of the adults warmed up and smiles appeared. Wearing bright T-shirts and dresses, white socks and sandals, the kids were not at all shy about strangers: they sang songs, danced with ribbons, and strummed instruments.
The Magnitogorsk orphanage, which recently received regional status and the serial number “4,” will turn 75 this year. Its history began in 1930 with round-the-clock nurseries on the left bank: women then worked equally with men, and the care of children took over state. In addition, it could provide for young Soviet citizens much better than parents medical care. However, over time, for various reasons, some mothers did not return for a long time for their children and disappeared forever. On October 1, 1931, the nursery was renamed into an orphanage. Today there are 110 children there, while the norm is one hundred. 95 percent ended up in a baby home because their parents didn’t need them: some were left by their mothers in the maternity hospital, others were abandoned later.
There are also children in the house whose parents placed them here temporarily. As a rule, these are single mothers who were not ready for the appearance of a baby in their lives: they do not have their own corner, a reliable permanent job, they are afraid of the condemnation of their relatives, but they do not want to give up the child. If the mother is not antisocial, she is allowed to communicate with her baby, go for walks, and take her for the weekend. The court cannot deprive a woman of parental rights as long as she is interested in the life and health of the child, at least formally, by telephone. After three years, if the mother does not pick up her child, he is transferred to the next orphanage - an orphanage.
Every year about seventy children are admitted to the orphanage. There are no absolutely healthy people, just as there are none among ordinary children. All children undergo medical and pedagogical rehabilitation. Doctors, psychologists, speech therapists, and teachers are working to restore their health so that future fathers and mothers have as few problems as possible with their babies. Last year, nine babies were taken into custody and 19 were adopted: six by Russians and thirteen by foreign citizens.
It is very rare in an orphanage for children to return to their family of origin - last year this happened three times. A typical story: a woman abandoned her child in a maternity hospital, a year or two passed - maternal feelings awoke. If by that time her child has not been adopted, she can restore her parental rights through the court.
We do not go into the circumstances and reasons why the child was abandoned,” says Valentina Kharina. - If there is a baby good care, he has a place to live and his mother needs him - so be it. Despite the excellent living conditions in our institution and the high level of medical care, it is still best for every child to live at home.
LYUDMILA BORYUSHKINA, photo by DMITRY RUKHMALEV
Waiting for a miracle
MEET THEY - these are the pupils of orphanage No. 4. They are all three years old, they have been in the orphanage from the first month of life. If the children are not taken in by the end of spring foster families, their second official family will be an orphanage.
BROWN-EYED CHRISTINA is older and smarter than the rest. Movable, active and emotional, she was the first to pose for the camera. “Very developed for her age,” chief doctor Valentina Kharina says about the girl. - Curious, with leadership abilities and at the same time responsible, self-confident. You can't call her a big prude. If I'm after the next medical examination I forget to give the children candy, Christina will not be shy to remind you about this.” Whatever she does, she does it with pleasure: walks, studies, plays. He doesn’t let himself get hurt, he stands up for others.
SHY AND GENTLE ANGELINA is the opposite of Christina: sweet, affectionate, modest. She really looks like an angel - Blue eyes, open face, soft, slightly embarrassed smile. Gelya is always happy to communicate, but she doesn’t ask for it herself. Her character, teachers say, shows the traits of a child from an intelligent family, and her feminine side is very pronounced. Gelya loves only girly games: dolls, strollers, cribs... What she quietly mutters to her girlfriends or daughters when she feeds, rocks and puts them to sleep is unknown to anyone. But she does it with such love, which she could not see from birth, but hopes to receive from her adoptive parents.
Teachers call BLON-HAIRED, BLUE-EYED DIMA a house child. He communicates freely with the guys, feels comfortable, at ease in his usual environment and is wary of strangers. “You need to find an approach to him, and then this little boy will reveal himself to you as balanced, thoughtful and very independent,” the teachers say. Dima loves men's games; he will not play with dolls with girls. Cars, construction sets, children's hammers and pliers are his favorite toys. Grateful, kind and responsive to affection, Dima is waiting for his mom and dad.
SMILY DARK-HAIRED SEREZHA, unlike Dima, enjoys playing with both boys and girls. Seryozha is friendly and cheerful. At first glance, he seems shy and timid, but then you realize that this is from embarrassment in front of strangers. And if you spend a few minutes with him, he will tell you everything he knows and find the answer to any of your questions. Anything except the main thing - where are his mom and dad...
Take a look at these children's faces. Without a doubt, in home photographs they will look completely different - the girls’ hair will grow back, the kids’ eyes will light up mischievously, the smile will become carefree and open. But for this they must have their own home and the dearest people on earth who will someday call them son or daughter.
