The desire of parents to provide their child with all the necessary skills for him to live an easy and pleasant life is noble and completely understandable. Well, what mother doesn’t wish her beloved child happiness? A happy person must be happy in everything, and the most difficult thing to find happiness in is love. How to teach your daughter to be happy in love?
Become her friend
If your relationship with your daughter is strained, you will not be able to convey to her everything you intend. First you need to become her friend so that she can trust you with her secrets, for advice. Try to criticize less and advise more.
Instill self-confidence in your daughter
If your daughter is too shy, she may have problems with her personal life in the future. Instill in her confidence in her strengths and capabilities, help her increase her self-esteem if it is low. If a girl is afraid of being rejected, she will not try to seduce a man. If she is not afraid of rejection and understands that nothing bad will happen, even if the man “sends her away,” she will try, and soon everything will work out for her.
Give her your love
A mother should give love to her daughter from a very tender age so that the daughter, when she grows up, can give love to the man she chooses. If a child grows up in an atmosphere of misunderstanding and lack of love, he himself will be unable to love when he becomes an adult. If a worthy representative of the stronger sex falls in love with such a girl, she will try to receive from him the love that she so lacked in childhood, she will constantly demand tenderness and affection from him, but in the end such a relationship may collapse, the man may not be able to withstand the constant and that’s all growing demands.
Set a positive example
So that your daughter does not experience difficulties in love and is happy in her personal life, you and your husband yourself need to set an example of a relationship full of love and affection. If you constantly swear and quarrel, it will not be surprising or strange if your daughter and her future beau also begin to bark constantly. Just she will unconsciously follow your example. Remember - you are parents, and parents are responsible for those they raised.
It's no secret that our daughters copy us, and often repeat our fate one-on-one. It is also no secret that almost everything about us comes from childhood. So what can we teach our daughters so that as they grow up, they will avoid many of our problems and become happier and healthier?
Of course, we will teach our daughters hygiene, give good education, talk about spiritual qualities that help in life, culinary and handicraft skills will also not go unnoticed. But there are still some little things that can really help a girl when she becomes an adult, and it will be difficult to change anything in life. The girl will definitely thank you if you save her from such future problems as excess weight, poor health and a pessimistic outlook on life.
Lesson one. We drink tea and coffee without sugar
When we drink sweet tea from childhood, then as adults it is very difficult to imagine that it could be different. But how many extra calories and hated kilograms your daughter may never get if from childhood you teach her to drink unsweetened tea and! All over the world people drink unsweetened tea. It will take an effort of will for you to switch to tea without sugar, but your daughter, while she is still small, can easily absorb this habit. And as an adult, it would never even occur to her that tea could be different.
One of my Kazakh friends also taught me to drink unsweetened tea. He says that with sugar we don’t feel the very taste of tea, but it is so multifaceted and rich. It has everything - aroma, emotions, taste... Try to convince yourself of this. And our daughters will absorb this useful habit.
In general, think about what kind of diet and diet you have been instilling in your girl since childhood. Which one would you like to have? Now it’s not too late to change a lot and instill in the girl moderation in food. Make it a habit to have vegetarian dinners, for example. And then dinner after six, if there is one, will be quite light and healthy.
Lesson two. Dentist and gynecologist are ours best friends
The health and beauty of a girl’s teeth can often save your daughter from many unpleasant discoveries in life. When a girl has bad teeth at the age of 16-18, it can make her deeply unhappy. Deliver even more unpleasant moments than, say, bad hair or problematic skin. So never put off going to the dentist! Even if the child is against braces, you need to insist, by hook or by crook, to make your daughter’s teeth beautiful. How many tears many of us have shed because of this ourselves, so why do you want your daughter to ask you later: “Mom, why didn’t you warn me that this was so important?”
Regular visits to the gynecologist can also correct many things in life. After all, infertility, inflammatory processes and other diseases of the sexual sphere are acquired, not congenital, which means they can be prevented. Go for examinations yourself regularly. Just by looking at you, the girl will understand that she needs to go to these doctors constantly. Be sure to go to the pediatric gynecologist together, let her have good memories from visiting the doctor, because her mother was nearby. And the habit of being examined by these specialists at least once every six months will be fixed for years to come! You will also have to start going to doctors appointments regularly. But this is a plus - your health will also be under control!
Lesson three. You are the most beautiful
It seems that every mother loves her child. And our children are the most beautiful for us. Like everyone’s mothers, they are the most beautiful. But it is very important for a girl to know that she is objectively beautiful. We need to let her understand this. Then she will be able to avoid many disappointments and insults. And she will not blame herself or you (for giving her an unfortunate appearance) when she encounters an unrequited . She won’t sob into her pillow and worry about “how ugly she is.” No, teenagers have too many problems as it is. "Daughter, you are so beautiful!" - This is the only way a mother should tell her child. The daughter trusts her mother, the mother knows best.
Lesson four. Beauty without restrictions
Never scold your daughter when she twirls in front of the mirror. Moreover, your daughter should see that you constantly take care of yourself and use cosmetics. If a girl does not have such a habit of taking care of herself, then it is very difficult to develop it on her own. After all, the truth is, everything comes from childhood. And if in childhood beauty was prohibited, then over the years it is very difficult to develop this skill yourself. What do unkempt women look like who don’t spend enough time on themselves? Pathetic and very unattractive. Don't give your daughter such a biography.
Lesson five. Beautiful woman- active woman
That's what the French say. And mobility is useful to us not only for beauty. Movement will keep the girl healthy! Play sports yourself. Necessarily! Let it be a swimming pool, fitness or just walking. Don't force your daughter to do it, just do it yourself. And she will join later or will come to this with age. After all, she had such an example in front of her - her mother, who always found time for sports. And in general, initiate joint trips and shopping yourself, don’t be afraid once again walk or even jog. This is only beneficial for the girl; mobility from childhood will save her in the future from a grueling struggle with overweight and with one’s own passivity. Be easy-going yourself, agree to her initiatives, even if you have to work hard physically. The habit of constantly moving will be very useful for your daughter; for a long time she will not know what heart problems or excess weight are.
Lesson six. Smile, gentlemen, smile!
really opens all doors. Real and figurative. It is easier to learn optimism and smiling in childhood. Because after, no matter how great a psychologist explains that you need to be an optimist, life experience provides completely different arguments. And it’s easier for joyful and positive women to live, right?
Plus, your girl will age much later if she smiles. After all, it is known that the facial features seem to sag, tending downward, and a smile will help lift and rejuvenate the face, facial wrinkles will only decorate them, since they will be from laughter, and not from tears. Let them smile more, our daughters!
Lesson seven. Every woman should have heels
If you have a daughter, then you must teach her to walk in heels. It will be better than she will learn this from other girls or from books. If a mother spent her entire life wearing flip-flops or sneakers, then where will the girl’s femininity and elegance come from? There should be sports shoes, but the daughter must also have a pair of high-heeled shoes. Let it be on a small, but upward trajectory. This will eliminate difficulties during the period when your daughter wants to wear elegant clothes. She will not have to rub her feet from uncomfortable heels; from childhood she will understand what shoes are beautiful and comfortable at the same time. You don’t want her to comprehend everything through her own calluses or, God forbid, fractures.
Naturally, this list is not complete at all. Remember for yourself what prevented you from living, what you had to fight with when you became an adult. Let each of us add our own “bumps” to this list of lessons. Let's try to make our daughters even happier women than ourselves!
In general, if you have a daughter growing up, you need to understand that she will definitely copy most of your qualities in the future, already adult life. Remember for yourself how the features of your mother suddenly began to appear in you for no reason at all. And how difficult it is to refuse or get rid of them. And if we want a better fate for our daughters, then we should be very careful about what she can copy from us. Try not to get irritated, shout less, smile more and don’t be shy about taking care of yourself. Let your daughter adopt what will later make her happy!
Lost in a sea of selfies and reality TV, where the lines between self-objectification and self-expression become blurred.
Girls need to know that their body belongs only to them
Rebecca Ruiz is a journalist covering gender equality issues who writes for NBC News Digital, The American Prospect and Forbes. Based on new research, Rebecca Ruiz concludes 7 key aspects that need to be strengthened and developed in a girl before adolescence so that she can calmly go through adolescence and become a strong and confident woman.
The pre-puberty period is precisely the moment when parents can still neutralize all social factors of pressure on the future young woman. Or rather, prepare her for resistance, help her set the right goals and values. After all, after about 13 years, many girls abandon their own “I” in favor of generally accepted standards of beauty and popularity. Here is what parents can teach their daughter, and “in the process” also significantly improve their relationship with her:
Respect and express your feelings
A popular stereotype portrays girls (and women) as constantly talking about their feelings. Reverse side Such “fixation” on feelings is the inability to calmly make decisions, being at the mercy of emotions. We connect the concepts of “girl” and “emotions” so much that we forget to teach our daughter emotional competence: Recognize and manage the full range of emotions. Not only to rejoice when someone likes them, when they are praised, but also to recognize the right to experience and express irritation, excitement, fear, anger, confusion. A person who expresses his emotions takes them seriously. Doesn't deny them or suppress them.
Be kind to yourself
Girls are always taught to please others, to please others, to be nice. If they are not nice, they feel like they have let someone down. Research shows that girls stew much longer in the negativity of quarrels or disagreements, and as a result they are more likely to suffer from depression. To break this vicious circle, the girl needs to be taught how to cope with mistakes and failures. That is, teach them to be self-indulgent, forgive themselves for mistakes and failures: “everyone has them, you tried hard, next time it will work out, everything is fine.”
Accept your body
Lost in a sea of selfies and reality TV, where the lines between self-objectification and self-expression become blurred, girls must learn how to see themselves in ways other than the object of desire. Good way To help them make friends with their body is to play sports. Sports give a feeling of strength, agility, and not just attractiveness.
Research says that sports directly influence girls' self-image and the development of self-confidence. But even athletic girls can feel ashamed of their bodies and their sexuality. Therefore, it is necessary to properly talk to girls about their bodies from early childhood. Parents should teach them the proper names of genitals and introduce sex as a wonderful experience that can be had with consent. Consent is an important concept, girls need to know that their body belongs only to them.
Be friends
Girls are often told that friendship is the highest value, which is why girls are so focused on relationships with their friends. But we shouldn't perceive female friendship as a matter of course. Friendship should help girls assert their positions, make compromises and set personal boundaries. Ask your daughter: Why didn't her friend take her place on the carousel? What would she do? What were the other girl's motives? What if you ask her about it directly?
Coping with bullying
Situations in which a child is a victim or an abuser are associated with factors such as communication, friendship and the emotional intelligence of parents. Cyberbullying adds complexity to this problem. Girls become bullies because they do not know how to express and channel their feelings. And when girls are victims of bullying, they often feel helpless and unable to defend themselves.
Advise girls to ask adults for help when necessary and to behave assertively. However, you need to warn them that sometimes this approach does not work and it is better to just leave, even if it looks like running away. By the way, not all parents themselves possess such fundamental skills for girls. Some will even support hooligan behavior or run to school every time to sort out every complaint about difficult relationships with peers. The goal of parents is to teach what is right in a relationship and what is not.
Be a leader
There are plenty of female leaders these days who can be role models for girls. But even now, girls often refuse to develop leadership qualities for fear of being called aggressive or impudent. And these qualities can only be developed on the basis of acquired previous skills: managing feelings, self-indulgence, knowledge of what friendship is, the ability to stand up for oneself, and so on. The example of the parents themselves is very important: a working mother, especially in a leadership role, can inspire her daughter to lead; a father who helps her mother around the house also gives a signal to her daughter that women deserve much more than the fate of service personnel.published
Psychologists advise how to teach your daughter self-confidence.
Raising a girl
If we had asked parents of the early 20th century what kind of future they wanted for their daughter, of course, we would have heard that the main thing was to get married successfully, have children, and be an excellent housewife. Parents of the last century would have said that they dreamed of a prestigious profession for their daughter - let her become, for example, a doctor, teacher or translator. Well, modern mothers and fathers will most likely answer: the main thing is that their daughter learns to be happy. The psychology of raising a girl has changed.
Yes, just three generations ago, a successful marriage was almost the limit of a woman’s “career” - for this, from early childhood it was important for a girl to learn to be feminine, handy, economical, and modest. Now daughters are much less likely to be taught the idea of restrictions, behavior typical only for girls, appropriate games and toys, and, of course, the need to give in, be obedient, soft and patient - simply because “you’re a girl.”
But even today you should not strive to raise some “ideal” girl, or plan in advance what qualities she should have: after all, in every family a specific child grows up - with its own characteristics, temperament, preferences and inclinations, talents and imperfections. The main task of raising a girl in a family is only to help reveal the best that the child has, to realize his potential. And, of course, this fully applies to all children, regardless of gender. You are lucky, because girls are the whole world: beauty and love, mischief and courage, curiosity, trepidation, sensitivity and emotionality. However, there are also unshakable foundations for a happy and harmonious life - a positive attitude towards yourself, following your nature, the joy of living and being yourself, kindness and cordiality. And the sooner you teach your daughter this, the happier she will be. How to listen to a child correctly.
Secrets of raising a girl in the family
"What do I feel?" Help your daughter learn to express emotions.
Girls differ from boys in their expressed emotionality and high sensitivity; this is natural and biologically determined. It is important to grow not capricious princess, but a thin, sensitive and intelligent girl. Your task is to help your daughter understand the emotions and feelings she is experiencing, and it is important to do this without judgment or criticism. What appears to be moodiness is often just difficulty understanding and expressing feelings and needs. It is important for everyone to have the right to acknowledge their feelings!
- Help the girl name her emotions, voicing them kindly (“You’re angry now,” “You’re hurt now,” etc.).
- Recognize your daughter’s right to feel what she feels, even if it seems to you that there is nothing at all, say, to be offended in this situation: she has the right to her feelings, and you have the right to yours. Don't judge your child's feelings, no matter how strange or inappropriate they may seem to you.
- Sometimes it is useful to leave your daughter alone, alone, to give her time to experience her emotions. In the heat of passions, it is difficult to conduct a dialogue - it is better to postpone the “debriefing” until a calm state occurs.
- More often, allow the girl to do as she wants, but within the limits of what is permitted. Feelings are a signal of the presence of needs; it is important to be able to recognize and choose them. For example, it is important to learn how to choose clothes on your own - not itchy, comfortable, suitable for the occasion, season, weather. The ability to choose based on your feelings is an important skill that will be useful to your daughter throughout her life: what to wear, who to be friends with, who to marry. Discuss the reasons for choice, teach a reasonable approach.
- Name your emotions and feelings. This is important for the proper upbringing of a girl. Children do not read adults' emotions very well: you may be upset about problems at work, immersed in your own feelings, and the child thinks that you are angry with him. In order not to torment your little one with the unknown, tell her: “You know, I’m having troubles at work, I’m angry with my boss. I need some time to recover. But now I’ll rest and be sure to chat with you.” This is how you teach her to deal with feelings appropriately.
- In any situation, tell your daughter that you love her. These words can never be superfluous! This is especially true during emotional outbursts and misunderstandings. Tell her that you love her, that she is very dear to you, and everyone will immediately feel better.
- Analyze the emotions of characters in books and films, learn to analyze the feelings of other people. By observing others, we learn to better understand ourselves and communicate. Teach your daughter that we are all different, we experience different feelings and express them in different ways, so it is important to learn to understand people. Discuss the actions of movie characters: “Why do you think the heroine behaved this way? How did she feel? How else could she have handled this situation? What would you do?”
Pay attention to children's books where the main characters are girls with very different characters and life circumstances. By the way, reading together greatly improves mutual understanding and maintains your affection for each other. 100 best books for children under 7 years old.
Raising a teenage girl
Raising a teenage girl
Today, society’s demand to be physically perfect has been almost brought to the point of absurdity: “ideal” women look at us from the pages of magazines, from TV screens, under the influence of mass culture, even junior schoolgirls think about whether they have excess weight. A negative attitude towards one’s appearance greatly limits women’s lives and deprives them of joy. Many girls are concerned about figure problems, often without any basis, and the consequences can be very serious, even anorexia. How to recognize bulimia in a teenager,
From early childhood, girls gradually begin to become interested in their appearance: to think about whether they are beautiful or not, to compare themselves with others. Is your daughter spinning in front of the mirror? This is completely normal, and your job is to support her confidence in your attractiveness. And not at all in order to necessarily please someone: what is important is not the opinion of others, not external assessment, but how we feel about ourselves, what we want.
Proper education of girls
- Let your daughter know that she is beautiful, but don't limit yourself to praising physical beauty. Tell your daughter how you see her. While noting the external (smile, hair color, harmonious build), talk about internal qualities - a sense of humor, excellent imagination, intelligence and friendliness. As a teenager, your daughter may tell you that your opinion doesn't count, but rest assured that she will hear your words and remember them. Get into the habit of talking about the strengths and weaknesses of other people, regardless of their appearance. This way you will teach your daughter that a person’s value is measured not by his external appearance, but by his internal qualities and actions. This will help her judge herself not by her “cover.”
- Teach your daughter to enjoy being different from others, explain that all people are different, everyone is unique, their differences from each other are great. Girls experience social pressure, striving to be the same, conforming to a certain “model”, instead of enjoying how different everyone is. Note what character qualities and behavioral features her friends have.
- Look at glossy magazines together, explain that images of models are only half true, because these are photographs that have undergone retouching, significant processing, and real life there are no such things perfect girls and women, you shouldn’t look up to them. Carry out a fun and ironic experiment: process photographs - yours and your teenage daughter's - in a special program, cover up all the pimples, draw out all the imperfections of the figure, correct the skin tone, etc. Print the photo and place it in a visible place under the title: “We are the stars !
- Do not criticize your appearance, the state of your body in the presence of your daughter: your dissatisfaction with yourself will only make her think that being a woman means constantly worrying about your figure and appearance, obsessively monitoring your weight, loudly suffering about imperfections, and being sad over the signs of aging. Help her create a positive attitude towards her body: an internal sense of beauty, confidence in the health, capabilities, energy, strength and flexibility of her body are very important. Work on yourself and on realizing your own attractiveness.
- Help your daughter find a sport that is suitable and enjoyable for her, in which she would feel and develop her body. Not in order to be perfect, but in order to enjoy the movements and rejoice in your flexibility and dexterity. Better yet, exercise as a family.
- Teach your girl to take care of her body: from early childhood, she should know that it is important to get enough sleep, maintain hygiene, and take care of her skin, hair, and teeth.
- Develop an adequate attitude towards nutrition from childhood. Tell me what it is proper nutrition. These are not diets at all, but a balance of hunger and satiety. Young children, for example, have a good sense of when they are hungry and when they have had enough to eat. Explain to your daughters that food is the body's response to hunger, and it is important to eat only when you feel it. Also, do not force your daughters to finish eating, force them to eat, let them eat as much as they need. Violence in relation to food disrupts eating behavior, and subsequently leads to overeating or refusal to eat.
- Teach your daughter to enjoy the changes happening to her body. Share her emotions, instill confidence that a small bud will bloom beautiful flower: “You are gradually becoming such an adult, you are turning into a real woman!” The girl will be able to rely on your recognition and positive attitude in the future. This is very important in raising a teenage girl.
Raising girls by father
A daughter’s communication with her father is her first experience of meeting the world of men, and how confident and safe she feels next to him shapes her positive ideas about herself, affects not only their relationship, but also what kind of companion the girl will choose in the future. Raising girls as a father: 15 things every dad should know.
- When communicating with your daughter, speak without pressure, do not impose your ideas - pressure can cause a backlash and rejection, a desire to do the opposite. Discuss controversial issues in a discussion format, respect your daughter’s opinion, even if it differs from yours. This attitude allows you to build a more trusting dialogue between you and your child.
- Don't be afraid of her teenage years. Yes, while your daughter is small, most of your relationship is physical contact: fussing, noisy games, hugs before bed. The daughter is growing - and the distance between you is increasing, your relationship is changing, this is completely normal. But both a mischievous teenager and an adult girl need daddy’s love and support no less than a three-year-old “princess,” and if you clearly distance yourself from her, she will simply begin to doubt your love. So find new, no less convincing manifestations of it: attention and interest in your daughter’s affairs and problems, walks together, sports or hobbies, serious conversations, time that you spend just the two of you.
- Don't be afraid to compliment your growing daughter; support her developing femininity. It is very important to regularly compliment her mother as well - children notice perfectly how you treat her. The daughter should know that main woman for a father, this is his wife, her mother, and the parents act as an indivisible monolith, the roles in the family are stable once and for all - there are adults, there is a child.
- Do not insist on choosing a profession if your daughter does not share your opinion. Both preparing to enter a university and studying are an excellent reason to be together, to let your daughter know that you support her. Proper education girls are the key to her happiness and your good relationships in the future.
