It is generally accepted that love can overcome everything, otherwise this feeling is simply unreal. But no matter how it is! There are things that cannot be forgotten even after dozens of apologies from your other half, and we are not talking about cheating at all. So what actions and actions of men are simply unacceptable in a relationship?
1. Texting other women behind your back
It would seem that there is nothing wrong with this. There may be hundreds of contacts on his mobile and social networks, but all these young ladies are virtual, and you are so real and always nearby. Unfortunately, this opinion is wrong; if he does this in secret from you, it means he has something to hide. Such behavior borders on deception, and flirting is a mild degree of betrayal. So, if your boyfriend succumbs to provocations by responding to messages from other girls, then this is a serious reason to think about breaking up.
Photo Getty images
2. Disrespect for your job/career/hobby
Here is another bell to start thinking about breaking up. Even if he builds rockets or flies an airplane, and you work as a waitress, this does not give him the right to believe that your work is less valuable. Most likely, it’s not your work, but his attitude towards you. It also means that he sees you as a person who is unable to take care of himself, so he definitely won’t discuss your problems and troubles with you.
3. The tendency to blame you for your defeats and failures
"It's all because of you." If you hear this phrase from your chosen one several times a day, then your choice of a life partner may raise doubts. You may feel guilty, but you must remember that, first of all, your man is an adult, and no one is to blame for his failures except himself. If he shifts responsibility for the actions he has committed onto other people, it means that he has not yet matured emotionally, and to build serious relationship You are unlikely to succeed with such a person.
4. Being disrespectful and rude to your family members or your friends
Comments are unnecessary here. Who will like it if a loved one does not get along with friends and parents. And not only will he not strive to make a good impression, but he will also consider your loved ones simply unworthy of his attention. Still, it is difficult to love a person who does not consider it necessary to communicate with members of your family, even for your sake. Moreover, from his behavior it becomes absolutely clear that you mean nothing to him.
5. Lack of respect for your wishes
If everything you want constantly comes up against strict prohibitions and a tough “no,” then just run away from such a man. Perhaps at first it will seem to you that they simply love you very much and take care of you, but this is far from the case. If they don’t let you go out with your friends and tell you what you can wear and what you can’t, then your relationship will definitely not lead to anything good. You don't need a home tyrant, do you?
6. Using you for personal gain
The basis of any relationship is equality of partners. Remember: you are not obligated to babysit a man, be his personal chauffeur or ATM machine. Of course, you need to support your loved one, but you shouldn’t let your loved one sit on your neck. He is an adult and is quite capable of dealing with his own problems.
7. Cruelty
If you saw your lover kick a defenseless kitten or throw a stone at a stray dog for no reason, then this is a serious reason to sound the alarm. After all, if a man is accustomed to asserting himself at the expense of those who are much weaker than him, then it means he can raise his hand against you and your children. It is better to stay away from such representatives of the stronger sex. And your boundless love for him is definitely not a reason to endure humiliation.
8. Abuse of alcohol and other illicit drugs
Of course, you can devote your whole life to freeing your loved one from addiction, but before you sacrifice yourself, think about whether you really need it. If a person himself does not want to fight alcoholism, gambling and drug addiction, then he is unlikely to listen to you. Surely there are more pleasant things in your life than trying to help someone who does not appreciate it.
Photo Getty images
9. Petty lies
White lies don't count. But if a man lies in order to avoid punishment, or without reason and in minor details, then such behavior should not be ignored. You are unlikely to be able to trust such a person.
10. Constant control
Does a man monitor all your phone calls and correspondence with your friends? He is jealous, which means he loves, you are touched to yourself. Don't rush to conclusions. Such behavior simply goes beyond what is permitted and takes on a paranoid character. Don't be surprised if one day it turns out that you are under video surveillance. And the point here is not that he is afraid of losing you, but a banal distrust of you.
11. Public humiliation
You cannot forgive your partner for insulting or humiliating yourself, either in private or in public. If your lover raised his voice at you or made caustic and obscene jokes at you in the presence of your mutual friends and acquaintances, then you should think about ending your relationship with such a man.
12. Comparing you to his exes
No woman enjoys constant competition. If your man regularly tells you about his exes and compares them with you, then this is a huge disrespect for you on his part. Let your lover know that you don't like it. If he doesn’t listen to you, then there is only one way out - to break up.
13. Indifference to your problems
For example, your grandmother who lives in the village is sick, and you would really like to visit her this weekend. But your lover does not intend to sacrifice his days of rest for the sake of your relative and refuses to take you to her, arguing that he is very tired from work, and you can get there just fine by bus. Start looking for a replacement for this man. If he is not capable of doing such a little for your sake, then he will definitely not become the reliable support that all women dream of.
What actions of a man can be tolerated, and what should be nipped in the bud? The director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You,” family psychologist, and consultant on interpersonal relationships, Elena Kuznetsova, tells the story.
Assault
Under no circumstances should you forgive him, because it is a threat to the beauty, health and even life of a woman. From a man who is worth running away from, because the situation will definitely repeat itself over time. According to Kuznetsova, the stronger sex is divided into two categories: those who would never hit a woman under any circumstances, and those who do not consider a fight with a young lady to be something out of the ordinary. It all depends on the conditions and in what family the man was raised. If he saw how, then, most likely, he will transfer this experience into his life.
“If such a situation is unacceptable for a woman, it is worth remembering that it will happen again. And if there is a threat to you and your children, you need to save yourself,” states the psychologist. At the same time, Kuznetsova notes that some women do not see a problem in the fact that their husband sometimes fights. They sincerely believe that “hitting means loving.” Typically, ladies with such a position in life also grew up in a family where parental “fist fights” were the norm.
Narcissism and selfishness
A normal woman, who was loved and pampered as a child, is unlikely to pay attention to. Usually ladies are “sharpened” for this type, who from the very early age accustomed to being on the sidelines. People don’t become narcissists or egoists overnight, and it turns out that a woman who decided to have a relationship with such a man made a conscious choice. And he will live with such a partner.
If, even at the dating stage, a girl suddenly realizes that she has got an egoist or a narcissist, and this does not suit her, then she must break up with the man. It will not change in the future; on the contrary, the situation will only get worse. Your partner will do everything first and foremost for himself, as well. If you're not used to this, run.
Greed
If a woman was not spoiled as a child, then it is not surprising that she will get a greedy man. However, if a woman is “tailored” to a different type, and during the candy-bouquet period it suddenly turns out that she is, you shouldn’t expect a miracle - the boyfriend will not change.
Greed is always noticeable, if not immediately, but nonetheless. For example, it happened in an expensive restaurant - the gentleman was trying to impress, shushed him, and then suddenly began to sharply save money and invite him exclusively to cheap cafes. Another bad call - your partner reproaches you for spending money: “It’s too expensive”, “Why did you buy this?”, “Don’t you mind spending 1000 rubles on lipstick?” etc.
In addition, greedy men like to complain about the high cost: “How prices have risen in stores, coffee cost 120 rubles, and now it’s 123 rubles,” “How expensive movie tickets have become, we went to the morning show, it’s the cheapest,” etc. Of course, any man can talk about rising prices, but the greedy one will not just state a fact, but will focus attention.
Kuznetsova warns that it is impossible to rehabilitate a greedy person. And if you start reproaching him for greed, you will only provoke a scandal.
Dangerous addictions
Alcoholism and drug addiction are a disease. A woman who lives with a man suffering from harmful addictions, even if he is coded, will always be as if on a volcano. This volcano could wake up at any moment.
The only situation where almost nothing can be done is if the spouse went on a spree with a young lady - it is almost impossible to compete with a young body. Here one can only sympathize with the woman, advise her to be patient and wait until the “demon in the rib” of her husband calms down. As men age, they value comfort very much; it is important to them by 70%, or even more. Representatives of the stronger sex quickly get used to a young body, but the young ladies cannot give them the comfort that their wife provided, so there is a constant “swing”. A man is torn between two women, constantly forced to choose between sex with a young mistress and an established life. Some representatives of the stronger sex, tired of this situation, still prefer to return to the family.
Useful information
Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You”, family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35. Call on weekdays from 11:00 to 19:00.Aggression towards children and animals
“Animals, children and old people are sacred. And if a man behaves aggressively towards them, run away from him. Aggression is a diagnosis. You could become the next victim,” Kuznetsova warns. She advises not to hush up any situation that shocks you, but to talk to your partner, otherwise it will only get worse.
“I would compare the situation to a stocking unraveling. If one loop has come loose, you can pick it up unnoticed. Yes, there will be a trace, but a small one. But when the “arrow” has already started, you won’t be able to reassemble it, the seam will be too visible,” states the family psychologist.
If you want to suggest your topics related to interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .
People tend to make mistakes from time to time. Only those who do nothing at all make no mistakes. However, there is a difference between a mistake and a mistake. Some things can and should certainly be forgiven, while others absolutely cannot be forgiven.
Today we want to talk about what cannot be forgiven under any circumstances. And here it doesn’t matter at all what a person’s gender (sex) is. Whether you are a man or a woman, you cannot forgive what is listed below under any circumstances.
What cannot be forgiven... To anyone, ever!
Cruelty is something that DEFINITELY cannot be forgiven to anyone. Today he kicked a stray dog (or she threw a stray cat), tomorrow the same thing will await you! Thoughts on the topic: this doesn’t mean anything – the height of stupidity and irresponsibility.
Addictions (addiction) cannot be forgiven! It doesn’t matter what they are: alcohol, drug addiction, gambling addiction or something else. You should at least stay away from such people. They will not bring anything good into your life! And you don’t need to console yourself with the thought that you will help him (her).
Lack of support cannot be forgiven. And it doesn’t matter what kind of support we are talking about. If a person is emotionally cold towards you and your problems, then nothing good will come of it in the end. In addition, indifference to oneself should not be forgiven.
You can change not only physically by going “to the left”. You can change in the soul, morally, which is much more dangerous and has much more severe consequences. For example, he (or she) corresponds with someone online behind your back, flirts, makes some plans, declares his love... Should this be taken as cheating? What do you think?
When they don’t respect the business you do or your hobby, when they don’t respect your achievements, there is no need to talk about the seriousness of the relationship. Such a person will truly never begin to respect you, accepting you for who you are.
The simplest thing is to blame others for your fiasco, for example, the one with whom you live. Naturally, the one who is nearby is to blame for everything. However, all patience has its reasonable limits. Sooner or later, they will be transferred...
If he (she) does not respect your parents/relatives/friends, and even more so forbids you to communicate with them, then can anything good/pure/real come out of this? You yourself know the answer: of course not!
There are idiots who divulge the intimate circumstances of their own lives to the first person they meet, there are those who are ready to show your naked photos or tell you “how it was.” This cannot be forgiven!
Some people have problems setting their own boundaries. They are either unsteady or completely absent as such. Of course, these are your problems, but if you have built your own boundaries and outlined the rules of the game, but they are still violated, then isn’t it time to end the destructive relationship?
If you have to constantly do something for his (her) sake that you don’t like or that goes against your moral principles, then it’s time to think about the question: “How much longer will I endure all this?”
In no case should you forgive the fact that you are simply being shamelessly taken advantage of, using you as a personal driver and wallet, and perhaps as a mommy/daddy…. However, what difference does it make who you are used as? The fact is that you cannot forgive such an attitude towards yourself.
Never forgive a lie. It is worth knowing two things: a lie is always the beginning of the end of a relationship. This is a story about how trust disappears like water into sand. Drop by drop, slowly but surely. And nothing can stop this process.
At the same time, one cannot forgive distrust in one’s address. If he (she) has problems with self-esteem, then why should you suffer from it? In such cases, you should seek help from a specialist, and not become hysterical, wringing your hands.
If he (she) openly jokes (sorry for the slang) at you in front of friends or in public (even strangers), this only says one thing: such behavior cannot be forgiven under any circumstances. Even if a person begins to justify himself by saying that it was just a joke...
There is little pleasant in being compared to your exes. What if this happens all the time? What then? Naturally, we cannot close our eyes to this. After all, this is the first sign of disrespect. Is it possible to forgive the fact that you are not respected? And most importantly: what does this ultimately lead to?
“I would like your problems...” Have you ever heard something like this addressed to you? If you hear this constantly, run, run away from this person and this relationship! You cannot forgive such ignorance and neglect towards you.
The story about the fact that his (her) parents/friends and God and everything else come first is not the most best story. If you constantly feel like number six, then there is little joy in it. You have never been this person's priority... Is it worth continuing to invest in this relationship?
If he (she), having abused your trust, constantly pokes your nose into your past. For example, you were frank, and you said something about yourself that should have been left behind the scenes. But very little time passed, and they began to reproach you for your own past. You shouldn't forgive this.
Surely every person has his own list of words and actions that should never be forgiven to anyone. But love and close relationships often force us to reconsider our principles, and sometimes even change them.
Falling in love sometimes blinds a woman to the ugly masculine actions of her partner, often forcing her to forgive something that, in general, should not be forgiven.
So, what actions and words can never be forgiven even to a beloved man?
- Treason.
On the topic of unforgiveness of betrayal, the opinions of women and men unanimously agree in their majority - you cannot forgive betrayal! Infidelity contains several negative aspects - this is the pain of realizing the deception of a loved one, hatred of betrayal, and unbearability from the thought that he was close to another woman, this is also the torment of the fact that someone has broken into the close world of your relationship with your partner also, having soiled and desecrated the Temple of your love. Sometimes betrayal cannot be forgiven even by strong man, and the fact of betrayal can simply trample a weak, sensitive person.
Should I forgive someone who cheated? Of course, everyone decides this for themselves. But remember that to forgive does not mean living the rest of your life with a person under the yoke of suspicion, pain and this resentment. Forgiving betrayal means letting go of the situation, completely clearing your heart of grievances and starting life with clean slate, never returning to the past. Read also: - The man raised his hand to the woman.
The sad statistics provided by psychologists indicate that the fact of the first case, when, soon becomes part of his rule of communication with his partner. A man by nature is very strong, and he is able to protect his loved ones, as well as refrain from excessive emotionality and aggression. Strong man will never allow himself to humiliate a loved one.
The one who raised his hand to a woman is a creature with an unbalanced psyche, who will easily do it the second and tenth time, each time becoming more and more excited and using more and more sophisticated methods of humiliating his wife. - A man beats children.
While the debate continues about whether physical punishment of children is necessary or is not permissible, those men who do not have the right to be called men open their hands to their children, explaining this with fatherly love and the desire to raise them to be good people.
The highest role of a mother is to protect her children. from all the cruelties in this world. So is it worth forgiving a person who regularly tortures your flesh and blood? Is your love for your husband or the habit of living with him worth all the humiliation, physical and moral pain of your child? - Lie.
Whatever a man's lie is - small or big - it can become a serious obstacle to this couple's path to happiness. As a rule, it is small lies that undermine relationships - every day, bit by bit, suddenly over time growing into a snowball that can no longer be moved to the side. A man's lie is a serious reason to doubt his feelings and sincerity . Relationships are built on trust; if there is no trust, there will be no love. - Public words of insult towards a woman.
Dirty words spoken by a man in public should not be forgiven. If a man suddenly begins to share intimate secrets of your relationship with friends, rudely criticize you, and utter obscene expressions at you, this is a serious reason to reconsider your relationship with him. Under no circumstances should a man be forgiven for such behavior. - unless, of course, you want to remain humiliated and insulted for the rest of your life, and possibly beaten, in public. - Disrespectful attitude towards women.
“That blonde has a super figure, and after giving birth you spread out like a cow”, “What do you care about this woman, you don’t even know how to cook”, “My ex kept order, but yours is always a mess” - and so they continue Comparisons of you with all women on Earth, naturally, are not in your favor. Should this be forgiven?
Respect is one of the pillars on which Love stands. There is no respect for you - and this love becomes “lame”, or maybe it doesn’t exist at all. Most likely, the painfulness of his own EGO forces a man to compare you with other women, humiliating you. Do you really need this weakling? - Men's laziness.
How often in life do we see families in which the woman is “me and the horse, me and the bull, me and the woman and the man,” and the man lies on the couch, finding endless excuses for his passivity... Such a man is not looking for additional opportunities to earn money , he does not try to solve financial crisis situations in the family, does not do any housework. The most favorite pastimes of such a man are watching TV, lying on the couch, meeting friends in the garage or beer bar, fishing, eternal smoke breaks...
Are you sure that at the moment when you are suddenly unable to provide for your family and do all the housework, your man will take upon himself to solve the problems? So Is it necessary to put up with his passivity today? – the answer is quite obvious. - A man's greed.
It is very difficult for a woman to feel loved and desired if her man is stingy with gifts and purchases. In such couples, constant friction arises over supposedly excessive spending on the part of the wife and children. The woman in such a couple is unlikely to receive luxurious gifts, and if bouquets are bought for her, it is only based on the principles of economy - cheaper, discounted.
With such a situation, any woman, if she has not completely given up on her life, will be very difficult to come to terms with . And is it necessary to forgive a man for greed? - Insults to your relatives.
If a man sincerely loves you, he will never stoop to insulting your parents, children from previous marriage, brothers, sisters, etc.
According to many people, under no circumstances You can’t forgive your man for insulting his family - even if they were uttered in the heat of the moment, and one cannot forgive his ugly actions towards relatives. - Bad habits of men.
Under no circumstances should a woman put up with the most common bad male habits - drug addiction, gambling addiction. A man who seeks solace in these manias of his does not actually love you - these passions replace love for him. Although he can swear his eternal love for you - but of course, it is very convenient for him to return after night drinking or after major losses to the house, where he will be fed, reassured, and caressed.
Alcoholism, gambling, and drug addiction cannot be forgiven for a man! - Male egoism and egocentrism.
Your man speaks only about himself, attributing all family achievements to himself. He is ready to go on vacation to the country that he chooses; it is he who decides which friends should be friends with you, and which ones should forget the way to your house. A selfish man constantly desires attention to himself, but is very stingy in giving attention to his companion or children.
By forgiving male egoism and coming to terms with this state of affairs, a woman a priori assigns himself secondary roles in his life. But excuse me - where is the love here?!
Pity and forgiveness are in women's blood. There are so many of them: beaten and beaten by husbands who cheat on them and consider them worthless, but they will shake off these unfortunate feathers and forgive them. Because it’s a pity - the man will be lost without her, and she will be lost without him too! Are you stupid?
There are things that absolutely cannot be forgiven to a man, no matter how much you love him. This doesn’t mean that without forgiving you, you have to break up with him, it means that you will give him another chance. But if his behavior is repeated, you need to seriously think about divorce and separation. So he didn't understand that you weren't joking.
Vices and shortcomings
Sometimes amazing things happen in families - a woman can easily forgive a man for a truly terrible sin, such as assault. But she cannot come to terms with his shortcomings, such as laziness. Let him, they say, hit, but he will be hard-working.
This often happens due to the influence of not-so-smart advisers: they say, if he hits you, it means he loves you, all the women tolerate it, but you have to feed your family. And so this parasite goes to get a job and begins to harass his wife even more. And what? He is now a breadwinner - receive from the owner.
Vices
Let's first go over men's vices and think about what a man can forgive, and what he absolutely cannot even come to terms with. And let’s think about the consequences of forgiveness.
Treason and betrayal
Is it possible to forgive a man for cheating if you have been in a long and strong relationship with him? And even more so if these relations are legalized? Yes and no, you just need to know the difference between betrayal and an accidental, stupid mistake.
Here you can reasonably be indignant: how did you accidentally change it? What, I was walking, tripped, fell on a woman and cheated - sorry, honey, it just happened that way?! Yes, almost! And this is how it happens:
The guy got drunk as hell and woke up with a lady. He himself doesn’t remember what happened, but the fact remains that it happened.
Secrets of the past. Yes, my husband went wrong once, he regrets it himself, well, he was rehabilitated a long time ago.
Couldn't prove anything. He didn’t cheat at all, but the gossip played its dirty trick, and the guy can’t wash himself off.
Swearing and insults
As sad as it may be, during a squabble, many spouses do not mince words. The swearing is diluted with strong words and personalization. The most harmless curses are those of God's innocent creatures: goats, rams, chickens and snakes.
In what cases can a man be forgiven for such an insult? Only in those if you yourself participate in it equally. As you are to him, so is he to you. Unless you both tie your tongues in this regard, nothing will change.
But there is another side to this coin. You cannot forgive even the most beloved person for one-sided humiliation and disrespect towards you, especially in public. And there is no need to look for an argument in his defense: “He doesn’t hit!” After all, sometimes a biting word inflicts a moral blow more painful than a physical one.
What will happen if you always forgive him for his caustic words and humiliations?
He will move on to physical violence, explaining that simple words they don't reach you.
Everyone around you will stop respecting you, and you, too, will stop respecting yourself. And don’t be surprised if everyone ignores you.
Not respecting you and seeing how you degrade, your spouse will consider that it’s not worth getting involved with such a nonentity like you.
And then freedom is just a stone’s throw away for him. Cheating, going out and knowing that you suffered will become a habit for him. Therefore, cross all these habits of his from the first days life together or leave him.
Tyranny and assault
But this cannot be completely forgiven. Living with a monster, enduring his beatings, means sinking below the baseboard. Besides, you're putting yourself in danger. Okay, if you like this kind of family masochism, and you are used to covering up bruises with tonic, but what can await you in the future? Wheelchair? That light?
Yes, there are exceptions when you yourself deserve a hefty slap in the face just once. For example, you went to the left and your husband caught you doing this. Or if you rush into battle with your fists against your husband. But when your betrothed has an extended fist, and he is also a specific sadyuga - run, you cannot forgive this.
By the way, about exceptions. In the article, you can learn more about these exceptions and understand how to distinguish a tyrant from a guy in a state of passion, whom you yourself have driven to the point of despair.
Flaws
If we have dealt with the vices, then let’s talk about the shortcomings: what is embedded in his character by upbringing. It’s difficult to deal with shortcomings, they are sometimes unbearable, but there are only two options: either accept it or leave. It is very difficult to change a person. Therefore, here is a short list of the main male shortcomings with advice from psychologists, which are unforgivable if they are ineradicable.
Laziness
Yes, there are people who hide their laziness and reluctance to work under different “sauces”:
- there is no work for him;
- he constantly feels bad;
- He is still “looking for himself”, he will soon find him.
And no matter how much you treat him or shove job advertisements under his nose, he always has excuses. There is an option - to strictly delineate responsibilities (more details in the article), but in practice this does not always work out that way. The lazy man will find an excuse for himself. If he really got on your neck, then take him off and throw him away: you don’t have to drag him on yourself and constantly forgive him.
Cowardice
Living with a coward is like running through a minefield: you don’t know where it will explode. A coward is not just a quitter who dumps on you all the issues that a man needs to solve because he is too lazy. A coward is simply scared to imagine that, for example, because of a loan debt, some uncle-collector will come and crush his sides! So he pushes his wife out into the “embrasure” whenever the doorbell rings.
What if hooligans harass you on the street? What if a drunk neighbor gets violent? And if, and if, and if - there are many situations. This coward will run as fast as he can, leaving you to be dealt with by the hooligans, the neighbor, and the rapist. He is not capable of heroic deeds just to save his own skin. You can't forgive this!
Drunkenness
Should you forgive a guy if he's addicted to the bottle? Can I ask you a counter question - how did you manage to contact a drunk? Didn't he drink before you? Why did he drink with you? What reason was found? Do you often drink to love with an overflowing feeling in your glass?
Unfortunately, many women do not notice the line between a man with alcoholism and a man who just likes to relax on the weekends. This article will answer this question in more detail. Read it, and then decide what to do with your man: tolerate, forgive or cut him out of your life.
Greed
Just don’t confuse greed with economy. Male pettiness is what should disgust. This is not the case when you wanted to buy a chic dress, but then you have to sit without food for a month, but the case when the chickens don’t peck for money, and a man scolds you for buying an apple.
You can’t forgive the poor people. These are hardened stingy people. Yes, in principle, they don’t care whether their beloved girl is next to him or not, because sincere love is in their piggy bank. If you disappear with your unforgiveness, he won’t even notice.
Stupidity
But this drawback is noticeable immediately, upon first acquaintance. Well, there are men who are naive in life, with flat jokes and “underdogs” in their heads. Why forgive them, you can only feel sorry for them, but not link your fate with him if you consider yourself smarter.
In general, every product has its own merchant. For you he is a fool, but for another he will seem like a philosopher and a wit rolled into one. This is the most harmless flaw of a man, which does not appear over the years, but is simply obvious. Therefore, you should not condemn the poor fellow.
