How to sort out your feelings if you can't gather your thoughts and decide who you love? In any case, first you will have to collect your thoughts, and then apply all your observation and attentiveness.
A person's behavior, including yours, can tell a lot about feelings. Do you say “I don’t know who I love”? Then read and analyze your situation.
Find out what you feel for this or that person
Love is often confused with falling in love, a habit. For example, if married couple lives together for several years and often swears, after conflicts there remain unsaid things that accumulate and ultimately result in another conflict, it can be assumed that love has left the relationship, but the habit remains. And in order for the situation to become clearer in this case, both husband and wife sometimes have to educate their relatives or friends, who can see a lot from the outside.
Think about what love is in your understanding
Ask how to love? Love is forgiving and unselfish. That is if you love this or that person you will forgive him a lot and accept a man (woman) with all the advantages and disadvantages. Besides, loving person will not put his own interests first. Loved ones care about each other, not each one about himself. Here you can draw the first conclusions about how to love and whether you love your partner, or is it just an attachment, a habit.
How do you solve problems
The behavior of both partners in a conflict situation can tell a lot. For example, if a person in a fit of anger is capable of insulting beloved girl (favorite guy), this, of course, may indicate his emotionality, but most often this can only tell about the lack of love as such.
Your views on your partner's shortcomings
A man may be infuriated by the fact that a woman takes too long to put on makeup, choose clothes, and, in general, spend a long time getting ready before going out. And a woman can be unbalanced by the fact that her husband often forgets to put his socks and other clothes back in their places. Can't come to terms with your partner's shortcomings? Maybe you don't love him. There is likely a strong attachment to the place.
Real feelings, such as love, are felt in literally every action of one person towards another, be it a friend, relative, beloved boyfriend (girlfriend) or husband (wife), therefore they cannot be hidden. Love each other, express your love in every possible way and build strong
A woman is the only creature who has the ability to doubt the correctness of her choice throughout her life. Life constantly offers an ever richer “assortment” of men, professions, lifestyles, styles and other options for improving one’s existence, which makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to make the only right decision.
But rushing from one temptation to another is also not an option. After all, if you can somehow agree with the exchange of a skirt or a car, then this method will not work with the choice of a life partner.
Those women who are confident in their emotions and feelings may well consider themselves completely happy, which cannot be said about those who are bombarded with doubts, thoughts and assumptions every day.
How to understand your feelings, test their strength and not let life go in vain? Read about all this (and more) in this publication.
Where does the need to sort out feelings come from?
Often girls, especially young ones, confuse emotions and feelings for a person, which provokes false love. Basically, it occurs when, among a noisy and large company, a young man with the makings of a leader chooses only one lady, which incredibly flatters her.
But can this cause real and lasting affection for many years? Or is such attention just a chance to feel your uniqueness and exclusivity?
Almost the same difficult situation is inherent in couples who have been in a marital union for many years. How can you independently understand your feelings for your husband if everyday life has eaten them up almost to the very root, the brightness of sensations and the spark of tenderness have faded? Is it necessary to destroy the family and go in search of a new life partner?
To help yourself and not torment the person who is in love with you, subject your existing relationships to a deep, thorough and impartial analysis.
Problem solving techniques
Depending on the circumstances under which the connection appeared and developed, one can assess its truth and necessity in the following ways:
The other side of the coin
It turns out that the stronger sex is also inherent in doubting the correctness of their choice, although this happens much less often for them. How to understand the feelings of the man you love? Watch him, and by the actions and behavior of the applicant you will be able to understand everything perfectly.
So, you care about him if he:
- gives you flowers with or without any reason;
- tries to meet him from work;
- talks about a future together;
- reacts normally to children from a previous marriage;
- goes with you to his parents, mutual friends, parties and social events;
- tries to provide all possible assistance in the household;
- sacrifices his interests for you;
- avoids quarrels and separations “for a while.”
It is much more difficult for a husband who has to solve the problem of how to help his own wife understand her feelings for him.
The fact is that the stronger sex is not able to keep track of the changes taking place in the consciousness, thoughts and mood of a woman; men are accustomed to acting “clumsily”, straight ahead, trying to quickly establish the exact problem and instantly get rid of it. In the end, things get even worse.
What can be advised in this situation? Don’t be ashamed to turn to a family psychologist, who will gently and unobtrusively find out the reason for the cooling of the relationship and help find ways to eliminate it.
Dear ladies! Agree that it very often happens that feelings “cool down” not because of some objective reason, but due to the lack of fire in the relationship. Talk to your chosen one! Be frank with him! Look for joint adventures, receive positive charges together - this unites and strengthens the union much stronger than intimate intimacy.
Harmony, explosions of positivity and sparks of passion to your relationship!
Personal life, relationships, love, marriage - all this is not stable, static and permanent. We can fall out of love, break up, file for divorce. At these moments, we are controlled not only by common sense, but also by emotions, our feelings and intuition.
The same factors influence us when renewing a relationship, marriage or searching for new feelings, new love. We cannot fall in love at will, we do it subconsciously, because of this, love is so magical and unpredictable - it is a fairy tale that happens in our lives in reality.
Men are emotional
Most likely, you have heard a lot about men as purely logical and rational creatures who can never understand us, emotional and sensitive girls. Perhaps these words are close to the truth, but can a man fall in love or fall out of love with the snap of his fingers?
They are controlled by the same feelings and emotions that we are, there is no doubt about it. Men are no less subtle in nature, it’s just that their subtlety is desperately hidden under a layer of masculinity and severity.
Quiet start
So, imagine that you started dating such a subtle nature. He is a typical man, he seems even good, you like him and you feel a growing feeling of love, butterflies are already beginning to disturb your stomach with their flapping wings.
Naturally, you expect the same from a man, and now, finally, he also shows signs of falling in love! All that remains is to continue to enjoy this fairy tale. Isn't that right?
Loud end
No, not really. One day, quite by chance, you notice an incoming message from his ex on his phone. Later, you are told that they were seen together. Even later, you yourself saw them in the store when you were sick and went into the city to buy medicine.
"Why? For what? For what? Everything was so good with us, he didn’t complain about anything, but didn’t really remember about his ex, he said that they broke up, didn’t get along... How complicated everything is!”
Your head is bursting with thoughts, you begin to blame yourself, because if you were a good girl, he would be with you, it’s obvious! Or not?
He's the only one to blame
Thoughts about one’s guilt exhaust themselves over time and, when strength and nerves are already running out, the realization comes that everything is completely different. Only the man decides who the man will be with. You can only decide whether you will be with him or not. You decide whether to stay or go.
Let’s not consider the option of leaving, because you don’t want to just lose a man, and besides, leaving will still be painful and unpleasant. How can you stay sane and show a man that his actions are contrary to common sense?
Answer
It's very simple - leave him alone. If he has doubts between you and his ex, it is only because he is not at all afraid of losing you. You are in love and don’t want to lose him, this gives him many advantages, frees his hands and allows him to do whatever he wants.
Focus not on him, but on yourself. Be self-sufficient, take care of your appearance, find a hobby or do something that brings you pleasure. Don't be a tenacious weed, become a blooming rose that you want to pick, but only by avoiding the thorns. Become less available to him.
If he is truly torn between you and his ex, he will realize that he risks losing you forever. He won’t want this, because you bloom and shine in your femininity. The ex, unlike you, will not go anywhere, so the man will turn all his attention to you.
What to do next? It's simple, you need to prevent a recurrence of the incident. While he's admiring you, have a serious conversation with him. Explain your feelings, let him understand once and for all that he can easily lose his happiness, lose you.
Don’t be afraid to be less available to a man from time to time, reminding him that love and affection also need to be earned. This fact will not allow a man to relax and entertain thoughts of a relationship with his ex or any other girl.
Based on materials from: goodmenproject.com
Question for a psychologist:
Good afternoon
Yesterday I had a very strong fight with a girl because she was corresponding with a guy behind my back, although she said that they meant nothing and that she loved me very much. It seems like they said, and he decided to leave us behind. Last month our relationship is very strained, and we are trying to get back on track, but somehow with grief on both sides... We were out of town for three days, and there was no access to social networks. networks, and there our relationship was revived again, and we saw the old us in each other, but when we arrived in the city the next day, we had a big fight. She once again says that she wants to break up and she is not happy in such a relationship, and so on... Today she changed her mind to take a break and not communicate for a while so that she can sort herself out. She also says that she loves me very much, but at the same time she has been liking another guy for a whole month, I don’t understand this at all, and because of this, conflicts arise... I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I’m tired of all this, and I understand that it’s better to break up, but I love her very much and I can’t do this... What should I do better and what are my actions for the near future? The quarrel took place on June 25 and June 26. I would be very grateful for a detailed answer.
Psychologist Svetlana Igorevna Sargsyan answers the question.
Hello, Alexander!
Reviving a relationship unilaterally is not the easiest job. Relationships are the work of two, therefore, in order to revive a relationship, the desire and work of two are necessary.
You write that without access to social media. networks, your relationship has begun to revive, but you understand that limiting her communication, controlling her every step is not a way out of the situation. You have decided to fight for the relationship, but forcing the other person to do something against his will is a road to nowhere.
Alexander, I don’t know your whole story, but based on what you’ve written, we can assume the following:
1.You are a great guy, and the girl is not sure that she should break off relations with you completely.
2. In your relationship, in the girl’s opinion, there is no former “fire”, hence, perhaps, her desire to make you jealous (communication with another), as an attempt to revive the relationship, to seem more desirable to you.
Relationships in their development go through several stages, first it is passion, then love develops into affection and respect. The euphoria of falling in love decreases after a couple of years of relationship, and this is normal. It changes into deeper and more serious feelings. Perhaps your girlfriend was not ready for this; she still wants romance.
In addition, your constant quarrels may indicate emotional fatigue from each other. It happens that people get tired of each other. You need to understand what exactly is the cause of fatigue. After all, if we draw an analogy with activity, then you can get tired from too much work, or you can get tired from inaction, and the second tires much more. If this is indeed the case, then you can try the following techniques:
1. Bring back everything that the two of you did before.
2. The more joint activities, the better! Moreover, this is not only joint entertainment, but also joint useful chores around the house!
4. Be spontaneous! Bringing surprises into your relationship isn't that hard:
Give gifts for no reason and give compliments
Stop making “ritual” calls and text messages at the same time
Create your own holidays
Change your appearance
Go on a cultural trek not only on weekends, but also on weekdays
Sometimes do together what you used to do separately
You ask what you should do. The psychologist will not give you the answer to this question, if only because only you and your girlfriend know about the whole situation, and in order to be more objective, you need to listen to the other side. Making decisions and implementing them is your responsibility and it should come from you.
Alexander, you say that you love your girlfriend and are fighting for your relationship, but at the same time, you do not listen to her request to take a break from the relationship. Why? What's stopping you? Let the girl decide, make a decision. She, after all, is not a child for whom it is necessary to decide how it will be better for him. It's possible that a break will benefit both of you. If there is a fear that the break will develop into a separation, then try to answer yourself the questions: “who am I in this relationship, do I follow my own interests or fulfill the needs of my partner, how comfortable am I in them, why am I holding on so much - what is dear to me - what I can’t refuse, etc. What do you want? What are you trying to achieve? From her? Push? And if we take into account that the relationship will remain as it is now, do you need it?”
