A father caught his daughter in bed with a guy. And this is how he did it...
One morning I went down the stairs and saw this: my seventeen-year-old daughter and some stranger were sleeping peacefully, apparently after a “stormy night.” I quietly walked by, just as quietly prepared breakfast, then went upstairs to wake up my wife, son and youngest daughter and warn them that people were sleeping downstairs and there was no need to wake them. Our dining table is on the opposite side of the room. We started having breakfast, and then I shouted: “Young people! Breakfast is ready!”
I swear, I have never seen someone get blown up so quickly in my life! “Breakfast is ready!” - I yelled again in such a tone, as if I wanted to shake the whole soul out of him. I pulled out a chair and ordered him to sit down. The whole family fell silent and looked only at their plates, afraid to move.
For the young man, these were the three hardest meters he had ever walked in his life. Covering all his assets, he put on the clothes that were lying behind the dining table and sat down. He was so nervous that the tension literally hung in the air. I turned to my guy:
Buddy, I'm going to ask you a question. The answer is very important for all of us.
Then he began to sweat.
- Do you like cats?
He was a handsome and rather sweet young man, clearly not educated, but by no means a fool. There was something strange about him. My daughter assured me that he is very nice and attentive. They had known each other for a month. He always accompanied her home, but never stayed overnight. He rode his bike every morning to take my daughter to school, made sure she did her homework, and visited and cared for her when she was sick. Moreover, this guy tolerated all her antics and was by no means a sugary character, he cared, invested time and effort in their relationship. He said that he had no relatives and family, she valued him, he valued her. Who am I to stop her from learning from her own mistakes?
Eight months into their relationship, my son approached me. I started asking him about that guy and found out that the guy was homeless. His tyrant father committed suicide. His prostitute mother outlived him by three weeks. They lived in a van, or rather in a pile of iron that once was one. From the age of 15, he lived on the streets for three years, slept in parks, in Salvation Army shelters and shabby cheap hotels, and worked on construction sites.
I knew him as a good guy with whom my daughter fell in love, polite and smiling, caring, ready to help without your asking, making my child happy. He was a child who, by the will of fate, never became one, whose parents were a criminal and a prostitute. Sometimes his neighbors fed him, but more often he went hungry.
At times, when he couldn't come because of work, we started to get bored. We weren't friends, but he and his son got along very well. The youngest trusted him, and his wife treated him with maternal warmth. What about me? And I worry about him and want him to be happy.
I told my children and wife his story. They were crying. It was difficult to talk about it, but it was even more difficult to understand how my eldest daughter could know all this and remain silent. She loved him and... let him spend the night where? On the street!
One day I gave him the keys to the house, saying that we would wait for him every evening from work and that he should now move in with us. Home. The next week we prepared the empty room and went with him to buy furniture. Everyone liked that he was a guy with hands. And he liked it, he wanted to do everything without outside help.
This happened in 2000. Now, 16 years later, my newfound son and eldest daughter have built a thriving business and given my wife and I 3 beautiful grandchildren.
This story is not about teenage hormones and not so much about the plight of a guy, but about how important simple parental wisdom is, and that a difficult life is not a reason to become a scumbag. There are those who live bitter and cruel, and then there are guys like my brother-in-law. Life put him on the brink of survival, but he still managed to get up and rise. No matter how much he stumbled and no matter how much he fell, he always found the strength to smile.
The situation in my family is very scary. I don't know how to describe this briefly. We are a party of four. My husband is 40, I am 33. Two children. Daughter 7 years old, son 11 months old. When I met my husband, I already had a daughter. She was six months old. He raised her. It's obvious that they love each other. My daughter is always very worried if we are in a quarrel. He comes up to me and says, Mom, I don’t want you to fight because of me. It would be better if I didn’t say anything.... In general, I found out about this (although what exactly “this” is still not clear about) three years ago. The daughter cried, said something about pussy, the husband shook his head in shock and said, I’m not a pedophile. They talked for a long time, everyone cried, I believed him, he promised to prove that everything was wrong... three years passed. In the spring, I caught them in the kitchen, my husband had a morning erection in his shorts, and his daughter was hanging on his neck. He then admitted that his daughter herself, from the age of 4, had been showing an unhealthy interest in him, reaching into his underpants, crawling under the blanket, copying me, lying on his shoulder, hugging him. In principle, I admit this, she accidentally saw us having sex a long time ago... my husband says, he was afraid to tell, he thought it would pass, they say she’s still 4 years old. This was 3 years ago. And when this spring I caught (is this an appropriate word) them in the kitchen, I decided to talk to my daughter again. She cries, sobs, says dad, he put his hand in my panties and asked me to hold him there while I was in the shower. He says, just don’t get a divorce, I don’t want to be without my dad. And cries. I'm shocked. I'm going to my husband. He says there was no such thing. Then he says I don’t remember, maybe he was drunk, but they say I’m not a pedophile, I have no sexual interest in her. Then I talked to my daughter, she admitted that she used to go after her dad. In general, somehow we survived this story... the day before yesterday my husband arrived from his shift. We haven't seen each other for 10 days. Everyone was so happy, we missed you. A wonderful dinner, gifts, sex. The next morning, I woke up my daughter for school and went and lay down again in our bedroom with my husband and son. After about 10 minutes, the husband got up and went into the hall, the daughter had not yet left for school. And I’m lying there and somehow I don’t feel at ease. I go out into the hall. My husband is lying on his stomach on the sofa, using his phone, my daughter is pulling on a backpack in the hallway, but I feel something wrong in my spine. In the evening I take turns talking to them. The daughter says that dad touched himself in front of her ( masturbated). The husband says he didn’t do it in front of her, and when he did it, he didn’t see her. The daughter is in tears. Don’t get divorced, don’t fight, it would be better for me to remain silent. I cry, drink sedatives and want to go out the window. The husband is shocked, silent... this morning he left again on shift for a week, he says I will die without you, I will prove that nothing like this exists and never happened. I don't know what to do, who to believe. I don’t want to raise my son (11 months old) without a father, they love each other, the child is very long-awaited, desired, but I have only one daughter, smart, beautiful... and then there’s me. I love my family very much. Everyone. Including a cat and a hamster. I love my husband madly. He is really very good. Family-friendly, handy, smart, funny. But also cunning. I cannot destroy my family with my own hands, get a divorce and leave. I can't. Physically. I'll die. The children will be left alone. But I can’t ruin my daughter’s life either. Although she is crying and begging her not to leave her dad. And she doesn’t look intimidated at all. She always runs to the doorstep to meet her dad from work, hanging on his neck. This whole thing is really driving me crazy.
I need a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a friend... someone to discuss this with. But not with anyone. You can’t talk about this topic with your friends; there’s no money for a psychologist yet. And it hurts me unbearably. There is also nowhere to run. I am alone in my grief. And I can only discuss it with my husband. You can't talk about that. Help... I'm afraid that when I leave my husband and children, I'll start blaming my daughter for everything, even though she's not to blame, and my relationship with her will deteriorate. But you can’t leave everything like this! What should I do? How to take everything out of your heart? How to erase gigabytes of memory from your head? I'm between two fires. I'm about to burn. Help.
Hello, Yulia.
Adults may become agitated when interacting with children. These desires are not always controllable. But this is not what makes a person a pedophile.
It is important how an adult then deals with this excitement. It is important what choice he makes. And this choice depends 100% on the adult. Only he can tell himself that even if he gets excited, he still will not perform any sexual actions with the child, in her presence, ask her, show her, etc.
Symbolically, the message to your daughter should look like this: “I like you, I admire you, but I am your mother’s husband and I will only be with her. We will have nothing with you.” And of course, you yourself cannot encourage the child, seduce him, etc.
Children can behave provocatively; they are just beginning to recognize their body, their still childish attractiveness. But children are not responsible for their actions; they do not yet fully understand what is happening to them.
My daughter herself, since she was 4 years old, has been showing an unhealthy interest in him, reaching into his underpants, crawling under the blanket, copying me, lying on his shoulder, hugging him.
The child simply copies the behavior of the parents. Many children want to become a husband for their mother and a wife for their father, not yet fully understanding what this means. When we talk about a child, the words “unhealthy interest” have no meaning.
What’s not great is that an adult doesn’t explain to the child that you can’t do this to dad, that dad will sleep and lie under the blanket and only allow mom to touch him in his underpants.
The daughter is in tears. Don’t get divorced, don’t fight, it would be better for me to remain silent.
Only adults should take responsibility for everything that happens. To do this, it is important not to swear or discuss these issues in front of your daughter, not to arrange confrontations and not to find out who is lying. Whatever decision you make regarding your future life with your husband, you must explain to your daughter that these are only your adult affairs. And that she did everything she told you right. Talk to your daughter and explain that if this happens, if dad asks her to touch him, shows her, masturbates in front of her, etc. - then this is not right and harmful for him and for her.
Sincerely, psychologist, gestalt therapist,
Makarova Lola.
When it comes to raising a son as a single mother, you can often hear that she will not be able to raise a successful and independent man. When it comes to raising a daughter, anxiety disappears. How justified is this? Will a girl grow up so full and happy without the care, guidance and love of her own father?
Editorial “So Simple!” proposes to take a closer look at this problem in single-parent families, consider solutions and take a closer look at father and daughter relationship.
Daughter without a father
Historically, girls were raised more strictly than boys. Future women were taught proper manners, obedience to parents, and respect for elders. From an early age, girls were turned into independent housewives.
Over time principles of education changed towards reducing control over children. They were given more and more freedom, their opinions were increasingly listened to. The advent of the 21st century was marked by the expansion of children's rights and the curtailment of the rights of parents themselves.
But, despite all the declarations and statements of officials, parents remain the most important people for a child not only in his childhood, but also in his youth, and often in adulthood. The mother teaches the baby to feel and manage emotions, and the father facilitates the child’s comfortable integration into society.
It is not surprising that the concept of “father” appears even in the biblical epistles, where God appears as the father of all people. And according to Sigmund Freud, the father in the family personifies all the prohibitions and taboos and is a support not only for his wife, but also for his daughter.
Therefore, in a family where the father is absent, the role of head has to be taken on by the mother - independent, courageous and often angry with men. The girl grows up with the understanding that her father is an unnecessary figure in family relationships, and therefore she will have to rely only on herself.
If the father abandoned the family, then the girl will grow up with the conviction that men cannot be trusted. This psychological trauma can leave a mark on her consciousness for the rest of her life. Even when they fall in love, such women are prone to mistrust: they try to test their lover, expect infidelity and come up with tests for him. It's hard for a girl to trust guys if she's been through betrayal of the closest man- father.
Since the girl grew up without her father’s protection and support, she probably learned to protect herself. Such young ladies strive to keep everything under control and even dominate in relationships. Building a full and happy family with them is not easy.
In order to girl's mental development It happened normally even in a single-parent family; it requires a lot of effort from the mother.
How to raise a daughter
- If it is impossible to build a relationship with the girl’s natural father, then build trusting relationships with the families of friends and relatives, where there are normal relationships between both parents. Let your daughter see that building a family in a couple is better than building a family alone. This will give her an understanding of what a happy family should be like.
- You shouldn't turn your daughter against her father. Cross out offensive phrases about the negative aspects of her dad from your vocabulary. If from an early age daughter accuses father who abandoned his family, this will entail psychological trauma in the future. It’s better to let her realize over time what role dad plays in her life.
- When you meet a new man, don’t try to erase the girl’s memories of her father. This will only traumatize her psyche and make her doubt even her own mother.
- If the situation gets out of control, don't hesitate to seek professional help. The main thing is that the daughter grows up healthy not only physically, but also psychologically feels like a full-fledged woman who deserves.
No matter how much the world changes, we believe that we will always be the people for a child who guide and support him in any life situation. Exactly from proper education and the faith of parents in their child largely determines the success of every little person who begins his big journey.
Editorial “So Simple!”
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“I love you!” - these three words, spoken at least a thousand times, are not at all an indicator of great love. And happiness in marriage depends not only on how “right a person” you choose as your spouse, but also on your willingness to do the right things.
By becoming a family, we undertake to always be close to our half, sharing not only joys, but also troubles. It seems to us that John and Mercy Newman from the USA managed to become the living embodiment of this principle. And after learning their story, you will understand why...
It all started when 17-year-old McKenna, the daughter of John and Marcy, took a photograph of her father and posted it on her Twitter account. The girl accompanied the photo with a very touching caption.
In October 2016, doctors gave Marcy a terrible diagnosis - thyroid cancer. The woman began a course of radiation therapy, which excluded the presence of family and friends in her bedroom.
Fortunately, the woman did not have to while away these painful days alone, because John was still there - as close as possible. The man found a way to support his wife without exposing himself to radiation.
“Mom has to be alone in her room because she is undergoing radiation therapy. To keep her company, my dad placed a desk at her door and never leaves her side. I can't help but cry looking at this," McKenna tweeted.
According to McKenna, her father “constantly” sits outside her mother’s bedroom door. In turn, Marcy says that this is typical of her loving husband John:
“John accompanies me during every visit to the doctor, every test, every operation and radiotherapy course. And, as you can see, if he can’t be near me, he will try to be as close as possible,” Marcy told The Independent.
What a devoted and loving husband John is, and this story is a touching example of true, time-tested love.
We can only wish Marcy a speedy recovery; we believe that everything will be fine with her. In addition, with such support and care from her daughter and loving husband, Marcy will definitely overcome her illness.
