They may seem strange at first glance, but they are very important in raising children. These are the commandments of a teacher who was sent to the ghetto along with his students, and then died with them in a gas chamber. His works on raising children have been preserved, and they contain a lot of useful information for us. He composed these ten commandments for the parents of that time, but it is very important to observe them in our time, because they still have not lost their relevance. We bring to your attention these tips with comments from Vedic psychologist Satya Das.
First commandment. The child is not like you
Don't expect him to be like you or the way you want him to be. Help him become not you, but himself.
And it seems to sound nice. Everyone understands this, but no one does it. Everyone thinks that a child is a white sheet of paper on which you can draw whatever you want. That's why everything is intense. And what is education expressed in? We impose stereotypes. But children donāt understand that you are imposing stereotypes that are very āusefulā in their lives. This is what people call it - getting yourself a girl to wash the dishes. Or - get yourself a boy so that he can pay off the loans later. Or have children so that they can bring a glass of water in their old age.
Have you seen the movie "Forrest Gump"? This is a very difficult film, almost brilliant. And there is this phrase: āForrest, what will you be when you grow up?ā And he replies: āWhat, I canāt just be myself?ā
We are constantly being prepared to become something. But a living being who comes into this world - he already comes as someone, he already has. And donāt think that a child is a white sheet of paper.
Second commandment. Don't ask your child to pay for everything you've done for him.
You gave him life - how can he thank you? He will give life to another. That one goes to the third, and this is called the law of gratitude. That is, a child cannot truly thank you. He cannot do the equivalent - give birth to you.
If parents expect something from their child, they are simply crazy. When mom says: āYou have to because dad left us,ā itās strange. That is, if you donāt study, then mom will feel bad. And the child waits for him to grow up and move away from his mother, because she puts pressure on him and makes him answer for his dadās mistakes.
If parents hope to get something from their children, they will be greatly disappointed. This is not the right approach. Children are not made, raised, raised in order to secure a pension for themselves. Because God may have completely different plans. You wait for this, and the children will begin to avoid you, and until the end of their days - they abandoned me, they donāt love me.
Sometimes parents paint an idyllic picture of how they will live with their children, and they will do everything as they need. An elderly mother and father live in their own room, and grateful children will each come in and say:
- Mom, dad, Good morning! What should I cook for breakfast?
ā We want cheesecakes with sour cream.
After 15 minutes:
- Dear parents, the cheesecakes are ready, will you eat them in the kitchen or should they be brought here?
Family is where we get the best emotions, and where we get the biggest disappointments. There's nothing you can do about it, that's life. And here it is important to properly get rid of negative emotions.
The fourth commandment. Don't look down on children's problems
Life is given to everyone according to their strength, and rest assured, it is no easier for a child than for you, and it may be worse, since he is smaller and has no experience.
We have one misconception - it seems to us that they are petty. And when a child comes to his parents with a problem, due to their ignorance and lack of education, they begin to calm him down in the wrong way. They say: āItās okay, itās all nonsense. Do you think that Batmanās head has been broken off, that you are bothering with your nonsense? There's a tsunami in Japan, China has become more active, that's where the problems are, that's where dad is worried. And here you are with your Batman."
But we must understand that children do not have petty problems. They really take them seriously.
Fifth commandment. Don't humiliate!
Short but succinct. Parents should not under any circumstances. If you hope that a child will try to improve after you humiliated him, then this is very bad. It doesn't happen that way. The child will simply be afraid of you and afraid to do anything. As a result, he will simply become lacking initiative and impenetrable. He will simply be nothing, a vegetable, and you yourself will bring him down to this level.
The same law applies here as in family relationships. It is useless to criticize and humiliate a man in the hope that he will begin to progress. Criticism will never change. The same thing works with a child. You cannot humiliate him; on the contrary, you must try as hard as possible to find his advantages, point out them and praise them for them.
The sixth commandment. We don't know who we meet in the child
Do not forget that the most important meeting of a person is his meeting with his children. Pay more attention to them. We can never know who we meet in a child.
A child is an already formed personality. The parent's task is to ensure that there are bridges to him all the time. He needs to constantly look for what the child is interested in, participate in it and help him. If a child has shown interest in any subject, for example, ship modeling, then you need to support him. Donāt just say that youāre great, but buy him a book on shipbuilding. Even if he abandoned it all after four weeks, itās okay, the skill is not lost, everything is fine.
Seventh Commandment. You don't have to try to do everything for your child.
Don't beat yourself up if you can't do something for your child. A normal parent does everything he can do for the child and does not stress because he cannot do more. You can't jump over your head. There is no point in worrying about this and experiencing it if you cannot do something for him.
A child becomes tense only when he sees that he is not given everything that can be given. We are not talking about the fact that he will start demanding Lexus for dinner. No, adequate children donāt act like that. If they see that everything from their parents comes from the heart, then they are simply grateful.
Children, as the sages say, have developed the function of pleasing their parents, they like it. They love their parents. They like to please their parents.
When, for example, I say something to my child and see that he begins to worry and says: āYes, indeed, dad, I...ā, then I immediately feel uneasy. If he looks down and gets upset, I say: āQuiet, quiet, everything is fine. Itās okay, you twisted the stick like a ninja and knocked three of the five shades on the chandelier for me. No big deal, I smashed it and broke it. It will hang without lampshades.ā
They hung, then my mother said: āThis is not Feng Shui, there will be no money.ā They took down the lampshades and hung others. So what, the lampshades broke, their time has passed. Or something else of the same kind: I demagnetized it - no big deal, my uncle came with some kind of soldering iron and magnetized it back. It's OK. It's not all that sad.
The child understands everything, in fact he is adequate. All children are adequate. Mostly parents are inadequate. Why are parents inadequate? Because their parents were also inadequate. We then blame everything we receive from our parents on our children. And then breaking this chain is a huge feat. Donāt put on your children all this garbage that your parents dumped on you out of ignorance.
Eighth commandment. A child is not a tyrant who takes over your whole life.
A child is not only your flesh and blood. This is the precious cup that life has given you to store and develop creative fire in it. This is a liberated one - in whom not āour-myā child will grow up, but a soul given to them for safekeeping.
This is the correct approach, the Vedic, ancient approach to your relatives. Wife, children were given to you by God for safekeeping and care. The same thing for a woman - a husband was given to you by God to take care of. If people in a family fulfill their duty, then rights are born.
Human rights come from someone doing their duty. When in a family everyone only has rights, but no one wants to fulfill their duty - such. The husband demands that his wife do her duty. She demands that he do his duty. At some point, while everything is at the level: I scratch your back, you scratch mine, and when the balance is at least zero, it still somehow holds.
The ideal option is when a person, for example a man, does everything that depends on him for a woman, not because he expects something from her. But because this is the one who was given to him by God under protection. The woman does exactly the same. She understands that she must take care of this man in principle and does not expect anything in return. It is her nature to be a mother and wife. Naturally, in this situation. But this is very difficult, because usually there are two āgodsā in one family.
The Ninth Commandment. Learn to love someone else's child
Learn to love, never do to someone else what you would not want done to yours. In fact, people should be able to love all children. And I will say more - love all people. We sometimes get hung up on our family and think that in a single unit we can build happiness by hating everyone around us. But that doesn't happen.
Tenth Commandment. Love your child in any way
You must be able to love your child in every way - unlucky, not an adult, or, conversely, an adult. Communicate with him, rejoice, because a child is a holiday that is still with you.
Let us remind you that on our website you can find out which seven phrases make our children losers and about the five principles of positive parenting.
Prepared based on materials from the book of the famous Vedic psychologist Satya Das āUnboring Child Psychologyā, āPrimeā, āAstā, 2018
http://www.chronoton.ru/vedy/10-zapovedey
Orphanhood is an ancient form of human loneliness, requiring compassion and complicity, the selfless and patient love of true stoics and humanists. Alas, today such humanists can be counted on one hand. After all, sometimes even the relationships between the closest and dearest people have become rougher and harsher. And love for children is similar to love for oneās own property.
In this regard, I would like to remember the outstanding Polish teacher, writer, doctor and public figure Janusz Korczak. His name is included in the calendar of world pedagogy. A huge number of works came from his pen, including fairy tales for the little ones, and most importantly, more than 20 books dedicated to raising children. Among them there is also a kind of manifesto of humanism "How to love a child".
Throughout his life, Janusz Korczak proved his love and respect for children. And not just to children, but to the most disadvantaged - orphans. In 1914, he actively participated in the organization of orphanages in Ukraine, then in 1918, after returning to Warsaw, he continued the work he had started and managed the orphanages. During the years of the occupation of Poland by Nazi Germany, Korczak, together with the pupils of the Orphanage, was placed in the Warsaw Ghetto, where he stoically fought for the lives of children - he got them food and medicine. He rejected all proposals from admirers of his talent to take him, a Polish Jew, out of the ghetto and hide him on the āAryanā side. When the Orphanage was deported in August 1942, Korczak, along with his assistant and friend Stefania Wilczynska, other teachers and about 200 children, went to Treblinka (concentration camp). There, Janusz refused the freedom offered at the last minute and chose to stay with his students until the end, accepting death with them in the gas chamber.
Janusz Korczak was a great teacher and humanist. He left us a legacy of many amazing, kind and edifying books. Including ten commandments for parents, which are more relevant than ever and which should be honored and respected.
Don't expect your child to be like you or what you want. Help him become not you, but himself.
Do not demand payment from your child for everything you have done for him. You gave him life. How can he thank you? He will give life to another, and he will give life to a third. This is the irreversible law of gratitude.
Do not take out your grievances on your child, so that in old age you do not eat bitter bread. For whatever you sow, that will come back.
Don't look down on your child's problems. Life is given to everyone according to their strength, and rest assured, it is no less difficult for him than for you, and maybe more, since he has no experience.
Don't humiliate!
Don't forget that the most important meetings of a person - his meetings with children. Pay as much attention to them as possible - we can never know who we meet in a child.
Don't beat yourself up if you can't do something for your child. Torment if you can, but donāt. Remember, not enough is done for the child if everything possible is not done.
A child is not a tyrant who takes over your entire life, and not just the fruit of your flesh and blood. This is the precious cup that Life has given you to store and develop creative fire in it. A child is the love of a mother and father unfolding like a scroll, who will grow up not āourā, not ātheirā, not ātheir ownā child, but a mysterious soul given for safekeeping and accompaniment while it is inexperienced and defenseless.
Learn to love someone else's child. Never do to someone else what you would not want done to yours.
Love your child in any way - untalented, ugly, unlucky, love a stupid, uncontrollable little one, love an awkward, selfish, angry teenager, love someone who does not live up to hopes and expectations, secretive, strange, unhappy adults... When communicating with him - rejoice, always rejoice with with every right, because the child is your holiday, which is still with you.
Janusz Korczak is an outstanding teacher, writer, doctor and public figure who refused to save his life three times.
The first time this happened was when Janusz decided not to emigrate to Palestine before the occupation of Poland, so as not to leave the āOrphanageā to the mercy of fate on the eve of terrible events.
The second time - when he refused to escape from the Warsaw ghetto.
And on the third day, when all the inhabitants of the Orphanage had already boarded the train heading to the camp, an SS officer approached Korczak and asked:
- Did you write āKing Mattā? I read this book as a child. Good book. You can be free.
- And the children?
- The children will go. But you can leave the carriage.
- You're wrong. I can't. Not all people are scoundrels.
A few days later, in the Treblinka concentration camp, Korczak, together with his children, entered the gas chamber. On the way to death, Korczak held his two smallest children in his arms and told a fairy tale to unsuspecting kids.
In principle, you don't need to know anything more about Korczak. And read the 10 commandments recommended by this amazing person for raising children.
10 Commandments to Parents
1. Don't expect your child to be like you or what you want. Help him become not you, but himself.
2. Do not demand payment from your child for everything you have done for him. You gave him life, how can he thank you? He will give life to another, and he will give life to a third, and this is an irreversible law of gratitude.
3. Do not take out your grievances on your child, so that in old age you do not eat bitter bread. For whatever you sow, that will come back.
4. Don't look down on his problems. Life is given to everyone according to their strength, and rest assured that it is no less difficult for him than for you, and perhaps more so, since he has no experience.
5. Don't humiliate!
6. Don't forget that a person's most important meetings are with his children. Pay more attention to them - we can never know who we meet in a child.
7. Don't beat yourself up if you can't do something for your child, just remember: not enough is done for the child unless everything possible is done.
8. A child is not a tyrant who takes over your entire life, not just a fruit of flesh and blood. This is the precious cup that Life has given you to store and develop creative fire within. This is the liberated love of a mother and father, who will grow not āourā, ātheirā child, but a soul given for safekeeping.
9. Learn to love someone else's child. Never do to someone else what you would not want done to yours.
10. Love your child in any way - untalented, unlucky, adult. When communicating with him, rejoice, because a child is a holiday that is still with you.
āOur children are our old age. Proper education- this is our happy old age; bad upbringing is our future grief, these are our tears, this is our guilt before other people, before the whole country,ā wrote A.S. Makarenko. How to educate correctly? After all, no parent sets the goal of raising a child poorly. Everything seems to be for the good both for their own child and for the parents themselves, and therefore for the whole country. But, as often happens, the result does not live up to our hopes and expectations. What to do?
I bring to your attention several commandments and tips that will help you properly build your relationship with your child.
Commandments for parents
Don't expect your child to be like you or what you want. Help him become not you, but himself.
Do not demand payment from your child for everything you have done for him. You gave him life, how can he thank you?
Do not take out your grievances on your child, so that in old age you do not eat bitter bread. For whatever you sow, that will come back.
Don't look down on his problems. Life is given to everyone according to their strength. It is no less difficult for him than for you, and maybe more, since he has no experience.
Don't humiliate, don't call names!!!
Don't beat yourself up if you can't do something for your child. Torment if you can, but donāt. Remember: not enough has been done for the child if everything has not been done.
Love your child in any way - untalented, unlucky, adult.
When communicating with him, rejoice, because a child is a holiday that is still with you.
Never do to someone else's child what you would not want done to yours.
If:
the child is constantly criticized, he learns to hate;
the child lives in hostility, he learns to be aggressive;
the child is ridiculed and becomes withdrawn;
a child grows up in reproaches, he learns to live with a feeling of guilt;
the child grows up in tolerance, he learns to understand others;
the child is praised, he learns to be noble;
a child grows in honesty, he learns to be fair;
the child grows up in safety, he learns to believe in people;
the child is supported, he learns to value himself;
the child lives in understanding and friendliness, he learns to find love in this world.
Seven rules for everyone
Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor mental. Moreover, PUNISHMENT SHOULD BE USEFUL
If in doubt whether to punish or not to punish, DO NOT punish.
One thing at a time. Even if an immense number of offenses are committed at once, the punishment can be severe, but only one, for all at once, and not one for each. Punishment salad is not a dish for a childās soul!
NEVER take away what you or anyone else has given you - NEVER
Statute of limitations. It is better not to punish than to punish belatedly. Some overly consistent educators scold and punish children for offenses discovered a month or even a year later (they ruined something, stole something), forgetting that even harsh adult laws take into account the statute of limitations for the offense.
Punished - forgiven. The incident is over. The page is turned. As if nothing had happened. Not a word about old sins. Don't stop me from starting your life over!
No humiliation. Whatever it is, whatever the guilt, punishment should not be perceived by the child as a triumph of our strength over his weakness, as humiliation. If a child believes that we are unfair, punishment will only work in the opposite direction!
A child should not be afraid of punishment. He should not be afraid of punishment, but of our chagrin.
When not to scold
YOU CANNOT PUNISH OR SCORE:
when a child is sick, experiences some kind of ailment, or has not yet fully recovered from an illness, the psyche is especially vulnerable, reactions are unpredictable;
when he eats; after sleep; before bed; during the game; during work;
immediately after a physical or mental injury (a fall, a fight, an accident, a bad grade, any failure, even if only he himself is to blame for this failure) - you need to at least wait until the acute pain subsides (this does not mean that you need to certainly rush to console);
when you cannot cope with fear, with inattention, with laziness, with mobility, with irritability, with any shortcoming, making sincere efforts; when he shows inability, stupidity, awkwardness, stupidity, inexperience - in all cases when something DOES NOT WORK out;
when the internal motives of an action, the most trifling or the most terrible, are incomprehensible to us;
when we ourselves are not ourselves; when you are tired, upset or irritated for some reason.
Remember suggestibility
Here is one of the most common, most ridiculous mistakes. By scolding a child, that is, more than decisively and convincingly asserting that he (she) is lazy, a coward, a fool, an idiot, a scoundrel, a monster, a scoundrel, we inspire this in him, and the child BELIEVES it.
Words for a child mean only what they mean. Every statement is perceived unambiguously: no figurative meaning. Adult gameāUnderstand it the other way aroundā is not immediately absorbed, and the subconscious never assimilates it. By assessing, we instill self-esteem.
If:
nothing will ever come of you! you are incorrigible! abnormal!
the real traitor!
you have only one road (to prison, under the fence, to the panel, to the hospital, to hell), then donāt be surprised if this turns out to be the case. This is a real DIRECT Suggestion, and it works.
Therefore, when punishing your children, first of all, think: WHY?
Bogina Galina Vladimirovna, teacher
http://v-mire-slova.blogspot.ru
Children live by their own ideas about good and bad, good and evil, falsehood and pretense. For this they have their own special criteria for the old, the good, the eternal. That's why the famous teacher, writer and humanist Janusz Korczak called on every adult to get at least a little closer to the spiritual world of a child, to rise to his level, and not to condescend to him. Children's perception of the world is, first of all, subtlety and spontaneity. Janusz Korczak 10 commandments for parents are relevant and today just like many years ago.
Pedagogical practice as service to children
Of course, the history of world pedagogy knows many talented teachers who have contributed something important and significant to science. But there is a person whose name will not just remain there, thanks to the uniqueness of developments and educational methods, there is truly a greatest personality, whose equals have never been and still are not. This is Janusz Korczak's 10 commandments for whose parents became known to the whole world as a unique revelation, an example of living thought and a deep, subtly psychological philosophy.
He was born on July 22, 1878 and already in school years knew his purpose - to serve people and, most importantly, to find his goal, his happiness. Soon it will be revealed to him - through joining the Jewish charity organization "Help for Orphans", and even later - by establishing his own "Orphans' House". Could a person without a calling be the main organizer of such affairs? Definitely not.
Only a person āfrom God,ā filled with natural understanding and sensitivity, frankness and warmth, can selflessly help the orphaned and homeless, without thinking about himself at all. Moreover, Korczak did not just help: he created in this soulless, cruel world an ideal children's republic, in which honor and justice, equality and brotherhood are not just words, but the idea of āāgoodness is the main meaning of existence.
The main principle of Korczak, as the author of incentive pedagogy, was not coercion, but the cultivation of self-awareness - above all, he valued the ability to self-criticism and meaningful reflection, the main leitmotif of which is understanding and forgiveness. He came up with his own system of rewards, exemplary awards and unforgettable holidays for his students - unusual, spontaneous, improvised.
At the same time, he continues his writing and teaching activities at the Institute of Special Pedagogy, becoming famous in almost every family, he appears on the radio as the Old Doctor, preaching love for children. He talks about the fact that a child is a person, not once āthereā in a vague future, but now, and he does not need to be prepared for the present - just help and support, through trust and protection of childrenās rights.
Over the years of practice, and the whole life of this amazing man became practice - Janusz Korczak wrote a huge number of stories, plays and articles, each of which is about children and for them. His most famous works are the largely autobiographical but wonderful fairy tale āKing Matt the Firstā and a kind of āBibleā for parents - āHow to Love a Child.ā Each page of this book is a clear answer to important questions and simple, practical advice on how to act in a specific situation, analyzing the motives of childrenās actions and experiences. The author insists that only by understanding all the subtleties of a childās personality can one learn to truly love.
Janusz Korczak about children:
In the area of āāfeelings, he (the child) surpasses us because he does not know the brakes. In the field of intelligence, he is at least equal to us. He has everything. He just lacks experience. The whole difference is that he does not earn his bread, that, being in our pay, he is forced to obey our demands.
Ungrateful.
Does the earth thank the sun for shining? Is the tree the seed from which it grew? But does the nightingale dedicate her trills to her mother because she once warmed him with herself?
Is love a service that can be paid for?He cries a little, doesn't wake him up at night, is trusting, obedient - good. Capricious, screams for no apparent reason, the mother does not see the white light because of him - bad. You are confusing āgoodā with āconvenientā
Feat and death
To be among children - Korczak saw his calling in this. That is why he left medicine, realizing that a doctor and a teacher cannot organically coexist. Therefore, for three decades, the Orphanage became the work of his life: through the war of 1914, through the governmentās abolition of the treaty on national minorities, through suspensions from speaking on the radio and many, many more hardships.
At that difficult time, when Jewish pogroms began in the Reich, and one could only guess about the fate of Poland, he could have gone to Palestine and stayed with the woman he loved, but he could not. I couldn't leave the children. And then... Then there was a concentration camp, where the āHouse of Orphansā was sent in its entirety - and it was impossible to save anyone. More precisely, it was possible: Korczak himself.
When the children were already loaded into the carriages, the German commandant approached the writer and invited him to get out of the carriage. The commandant grew up reading his books and recognized Korczak. But Korczak refused to leave without the children; children were always above all else for him, which he directly told the German about and slammed the carriage door himself.
On that fateful day, the children did not know about their fate, Korczak knew it. As best he could, he tried to divert their attention from what was happening around him and began to tell them one of his many fairy tales. This was their favorite pastime. The children huddled together around their teacher, and in such a tight group they left the barracks, Korczak carrying the smallest ones in his arms.
Where the gas chambers worked without ceasing, children listened with rapture to the wonderful story of Love and Goodness until their last breath...
What is love or Janusz Korczak 10 commandments for parents
Korczak could not save any of his children, he could only share their difficult fate. One can only imagine how a real heart was torn from pain. A heart that knows how to love. Janusz Korczak left, but left behind something more than books. He left his 10 commandments, almost each of which begins with āNOT.ā Like no one else, he knew how unfair parents who do not understand a child can be in their stingy demands. Reading these special words, after everything that is known about this amazing man, you understand how close his loving heart is now.
- Don't expect your child to be like you or what you want. Help him become not you, but himself.
- Do not demand payment from your child for everything you have done for him. You gave him life, how can he thank you? He will give life to another, and he will give life to a third, and this is an irreversible law of gratitude.
- Do not take out your grievances on your child, so that in old age you do not eat bitter bread. For whatever you sow, that will come back.
- Don't look down on his problems. Life is given to everyone according to their strength, and rest assured that it is no less difficult for him than for you, and perhaps more so, since he has no experience.
- Don't humiliate!
- Don't forget that a person's most important meetings are with his children. Pay more attention to them - we can never know who we meet in a child.
- Don't beat yourself up if you can't do something for your child, just remember: not enough is done for the child unless everything possible is done.
- A child is not a tyrant who takes over your entire life, not just a fruit of flesh and blood. This is the precious cup that life has given you to store and develop creative fire within. This is the liberated love of a mother and father, who will grow not āourā, ātheirā child, but a soul given for safekeeping.
- Learn to love someone else's child. Never do to someone else what you would not want done to yours.
- Love your child in any way - untalented, unlucky, adult. When communicating with him, rejoice, because a child is a holiday that is still with you.
Indeed, why make a ācopyā of some transcendental ideal out of a child, if, no matter how excellent he may be, the copy will forever remain a copy? Why should a child be obliged to someone for his birth, if someday he will also give life to someone without demanding anything, and what right does an adult have to take out his grievances and anger, discontent and ambitions on a little person, to humiliate and strive to subjugate to yourself?
To love is not to interfere with the child and to do everything possible for his good, because the main purpose of a parent is not to extinguish the natural spark of truth inherent in every child. To love means to love anyone: your own and someone elseās, smart and stupid, lucky and unlucky.
At the site of the teacherās tragic death there is a large stone, as if a silent witness to his great feat. With the only inscription: āJanusz Korczak and children.ā Probably, nothing more is needed to express the enormous meaning of such a simple, but at the same time such an outstanding life. A life in which children were the main religion. The life of a man with the soul of a child.
