"I made a terrible mistake - I went on a spree. And my wife found out"

Are you tormented by your conscience because you cheated on your wife with another woman? Well, this is commendable, it means that you are still ready to continue to preserve your family hearth.

Cheating, of course, is a difficult test, but, as a rule, only for the one who was cheated on. If you are tormented by your conscience for cheating, try not to think about it, because the more you think, the more you begin to suffer. That’s why try to forget the incident of your betrayal, don’t think about it, and after a while you will stop oppressing yourself.

First of all, if you are so tormented by your conscience for cheating on your wife, you can speak out about it, but only to a person who does not know you at all. Having spoken out about your experiences, it usually becomes much easier. A person who will listen to you and help you make the right decision is called a psychologist or psychotherapist. In case of acute feelings, he will prescribe you a course of sedative pills, because keeping such a sin secret from your spouse is very difficult, so do not refuse sedatives and undergo a course of treatment.

Now, actually, how to live further. If you cheated on your wife, but want to leave your family and really regret what happened, then move on with your life as if absolutely nothing happened. Time will pass, the incident will be forgotten, and thoughts will go away.

WHAT IS THE DANGER IF I CHEATED ON MY SPOUSE?

From the psychological side. The problem with cheating may be that it’s like drug addiction, you cheated once, got what you didn’t get from your wife, and then cheating began all the time. It will not be possible to always hide infidelity, because the wife will first begin to suspect, and someday you will make a mistake, and she will find evidence, and then the worst thing will happen. You just might lose your family, everything you fought so hard for all your life.

From a physical point of view. Cheating on your part physically is dangerous because you can ruin not only your life, but also the lives of your spouse and children. After all, no one can ever guarantee you, especially your lover, that you will not become infected with HIV or other serious diseases, for example, human papillomaviruses. You yourself may not know that you are sick; at this time, your spouse will become infected, and maybe even your children, if your spouse is breastfeeding them. What's next? And then the ruined life of your wife and yours, the children will lose their parents.

From a moral point of view.. Many, having cheated on their wife, begin to reproach themselves and accuse themselves of committing adultery. Sooner or later, the cheating husband tells his wife about what happened. There are two possible scenarios here: the wife leaves her husband, or the wife remains, but a big sediment remains in her soul for the rest of her life. Remember, never, under any circumstances, admit to your wife that you cheated on her. This will only worsen the situation, it is better to ask God for forgiveness and never cheat again, this will protect your family. But no one knows whether your wife will forgive you or not. We recommend that you read

From the side of consequences. A very common situation is that a mistress does not want to be a mistress and with all her might wants to drag the man to her from his wife. Therefore, no matter how hard you try, a woman can achieve her goal and simply become pregnant from you, even if you strictly control yourself, because anything can happen. Then you find out about her pregnancy, that she will not have an abortion, and then your wife finds out about it.

Yes, I admit honestly, it happened. Changed. But what can you do, sometimes you want to remember the old days - your wild youth - and go out into the field. Although this time I didn’t have to go out into the field. It was enough to just go to work.

So, my wife went on a two-week business trip. And I decided to get to know the girl Anya better. She is 21 years old - the most best age. She is a correspondence student at the institute. And on the eve of summer, she, like many students, needed to write a term paper. And I, like a true gentleman, volunteered to help her in this difficult matter.

But to be frank, I did not hide the fact that the coursework was only an excuse for our meetings. I also didn’t hide the fact that I like Anya, and I don’t mind sleeping with her. But from the very beginning everything did not work out. We came to me, discussed the coursework, I explained something to her, casually put my arm around her waist... But when I wanted to kiss her, she pressed her lips tightly together, and no kiss came out. No, we could talk with her about sex, I touched her body, it even seemed to me that she wouldn’t mind sleeping with me. But she didn't want to kiss. And she kept repeating that she would not sleep with me, because I was married, and she was not like that... But she did not refuse my help in terms of coursework.

Soon this situation began to irritate me. My wife was supposed to return in 10 days, but I still haven’t slept with Anya. I decided to give up on kissing. It was necessary to move on to more drastic methods. From my personal experience I remembered that to speed up the process of seduction, you need to put a penis in the girl’s hand.

In those days when I made this decision, Anya invited me to go with her for company to her friend’s birthday. I, of course, agreed.

The birthday party actually turned out to be the usual student party with a lot of beer and stupid drunken games. Finally, tired of this atmosphere of a stuporous holiday (I’m not 20 years old anymore), I suggested that Anya go out onto the balcony and get some air. She nodded, and we, maneuvering between the tipsy youth, went out onto the balcony.

I hugged Anya from behind, began kissing her neck and caressing her breasts. When my penis increased significantly in size, I gently placed her hands on it and began to move my hips. She didn't remove her hands. And soon she began to rub herself against me. In short, we were excited to the limit.

Maybe we can leave here,” I suggested.

But what about Yulia—that was her friend’s name—she might be offended that we left so early.

I don’t think they’ll even notice,” I grinned and nodded towards the merry company.

Half an hour later we were already at my house. Without putting the body on hold, we headed to the bedroom. She also tried to say something about my wife, but I tactfully interrupted her speech with a kiss. She no longer pressed her lips...

The next week seemed like just a honeymoon. She spent every night with me... in bed.

But the week is over. The wife has returned. I told Anya that we need to break up. After all, I honestly love my wife. And the pickup truck is just a tribute to the past.

Why am I cheating on my wife?
I always know where my wife is.
I always know how much time I have for intrigue.
I always have a thought out explanation of where I am and with whom.
Before that part of the intrigue, when I can’t pick up the phone, I call my wife myself and ask how she’s doing. After that, I wait 5-10 minutes, in case she remembers something she forgot to tell me and calls me back.
My secretary answers my wife’s call that I left and calls me back. I call my wife myself and say that I was leaving.
The women I date know about my married status and treat it with understanding. Even if they said before that they would date married man they are categorically against it. Women with claims to something else are not considered initially (this is immediately obvious).
I am very careful, because my family well-being is on the scale. That's why I don't have drunken adventures. Firstly, this is bestiality, and secondly, it interferes with the functioning of the brain. I always accurately calculate each of my next steps. I look back to see if I have forgotten or overlooked something. I am very picky, I carefully examine myself, my clothes, my car, and pay attention to smells.

I can't help but change. I can't just sit at home in front of my wife. This kind of life is boring and insipid to me. And I don’t trust men who live with one woman all their lives and don’t cheat on her, or at least don’t dream of doing so.

Perhaps someone will think, why did I get married at all? I would live in peace and meet whoever I wanted. But no, did you get married for some reason? I don't know, I can't explain it clearly. I tried it. There was even a period when every day of the week was new woman, with a break for the weekend. But you get tired of it and it stops bringing pleasure and satisfaction. Apathy and fatigue appear.

In a married status, it’s the other way around. There is no need for a constantly large number of women. But those moments that you manage to “steal” from your family and spend them on another - they are valued a thousand times more, the sensations are a thousand times brighter. Apparently adrenaline adds spice to emotions.

All that said, I really love my wife. My wife is the person I truly intend to spend the rest of my life with. A wife is a beloved partner, the closest like-minded person. My wife is what I cannot lose.

But cheating is something that prevents me from turning into an ordinary boring husband, with whom you sleep under different blankets, who can fall asleep without you, with whom you can go to visit mutual friends and who does not have any sparkles in his eyes and new ones. ideas. In whose gait one does not feel a predatory beast and at whom women do not turn around.

A man who does not cheat is abnormal. Try to dissuade me of this.

The author of the letter has been married for 17 years. But during a serious crisis in the family, he broke down and began a relationship with another woman. This experience did not justify itself, and now the man dreams of returning to the family, but his wife is categorically against it. Is it possible to justify yourself in the eyes of loved one after betrayal, says the psychologist.

soulpost.ru

Losing a loved one is easy, but regaining an emotional connection or finding an equally strong new one is not the easiest task. Perhaps you shouldn’t be a hero and try to figure out a problem on your own that seems unsolvable to you. We offer you professional help from psychologists from the Center for Successful Relationships.

You send us your story, and we publish it with expert comments. In order for us to better understand the essence of the problem, please send as detailed (of course, as appropriate for you personally) stories. And we will do our best to good mood, harmony and peace have returned to your home. The anonymity of letters is guaranteed.

We are waiting for your letters at [email protected] To prevent your letter from being lost, please indicate “My Story” in the subject line.

- I really need help. I love my wife and children madly, family is the most important thing for me. But trouble happened.

I am 45 years old, my wife is 43. We have been together for 17 years. Two sons - 16 and 5 years old. About a year ago, troubles began to occur in the family. They began to quarrel often... My wife suddenly raised her voice for no reason and started arguing over trifles. I eliminated the conflict as best I could. Intimacy has become rare. My wife said that she was tired and had a headache, although she worked 2-3 times a week - she is a cosmetologist. She didn’t take care of herself... She didn’t give me due attention as a man.

For a moment everything was going well, but then there were scandals and swearing again...

I have a difficult job, but I make good money. There is everything in the house. Two cars, four-room apartment. I built an apartment for my eldest son... I was very tired, and at home it was either horror or a period of apologies and reconciliation.

I broke down and made a terrible mistake - I went on a spree. My wife found out. I told her that there was a gap in the relationship and began to avoid all contact with her. My wife was simply killed by my behavior... But I was able to shake myself and understand that I loved and love only my wife. I only want to be with her.

I tried to tell everything as it is and apologize, and start rebuilding the relationship. The wife calmed down for a while and began to behave as usual... But it didn’t last long. One day she came home from work and said that she could not forgive me for betrayal and humiliation. And she asks me to leave home for at least a month, that she needs to sort out her feelings and thoughts.

She said that she had no feelings for me. I packed my things and went to my parents in the village. On the very first day of separation, my wife came in the evening to check whether I was at home with my parents or at my previous friend’s. Was on guard near her house. The check did not yield anything - I actually completely broke off relations with my friend and really want to return to my family. Please help me get my wife and love back.

Psychologist's comment:

— Family relationships- a very complex system that cannot be static. Problems, conflicts and crises are an integral part of any relationship.

The fact that your letter only describes the last problem tells me that you have not been attentive to relationships for seventeen years. It is possible that your wife previously bore all responsibility for emotional well-being. And then I got tired of it, exhausted and experienced a personal crisis, a depressive state.

Your idea of ​​a happy relationship is quite naive and selfish. Much emphasis is placed on passion or intimate relationships, they are the equivalent of love. There is a naive expectation that everything can be easily returned, you just have to apologize and tell everything as it is. In relation to dear mother little boy- indeed, this is enough. In elementary school, it may still be possible.

In adult relationships, your problem goes back much longer than one year. You both raised her and fed her, invested in her anger, misunderstanding, irresponsibility. She is now thriving. For the trouble to disappear, you need no less, but even more time, effort, and patience. You destroyed your family unknowingly, now, if you want to get it back, you need to take responsibility for yourself and the relationship. Awareness implies an understanding of all patterns, the ability to anticipate and manage the result. This is something you will have to learn.

In your relationship, real human intimacy, which consists of understanding, respect, care, support, was replaced by sexual contact. This happens quite often: people take a long time to learn to recognize these conditions. This leads to a lack real intimacy, and therefore - to the inability to understand the partner and predict possible difficulties in the relationship. Relations are formally and superficially close, but in fact people are very far from each other.

donna-magazin.de

Feeling guilty for cheating slightly softens your devaluing and demanding attitude towards your wife. You would like your wife, even if she works part-time, to always be cheerful, beautiful and seductive. Responsibility for going on a spree, it seems, also lies with her. But what about responsibility for misunderstanding, inability to listen, understand and support in difficult times, share troubles or dispel doubts?

You will have to save your marriage yourself. If you have the courage, seek professional help together. This will be a good help. But don't expect quick and easy results. It will be difficult.

You can do a lot, if you have the resource, on your own. It is important to ask or understand, if possible, what you need to do for your wife to regain trust and restore intimacy. It will help you to recognize your contribution to the destruction of relationships. I don't mean cheating. She's the icing on the cake. The crisis began long before the betrayal.

Empathy will also help - try to understand how your wife feels, put yourself in her place. Now she is angry, has lost trust in you, is disappointed and confused. Sympathy and understanding will help you understand and, if possible, forgive each other. Behind feelings are needs. Being able to talk and reflect on feelings and needs breaks down grudges and brings people closer together.

Try to imagine a model of your relationship after overcoming the crisis. And keep in mind that there is no return to the past. If you're ready for a more mature relationship, get ready for a long, rocky journey. In the distant kingdom, having fought with Koshchei, you will find out the answer.