“My love, I would have given anything for us to have met ten years earlier, when I was free. And now..."
In general, he is clearly not going to leave his legal wife and plunge headlong into family life with you. And this is where confusion arises. Loves? He says he loves him. How's it in bed? Enchanting. Common interests, glances, understand each other without words, as soon as you take your hand - undiluted endorphin flows through your veins.
But then evening comes, and he hurries to his incomprehensible “home”, to where someone who does not understand, is not desired and is not loved awaits. And he, damn it, has conversations with her, and then, damn it again, goes to bed with her! Can a man love one and live with another? The answer is yes. 100% can. Now let's figure out why.
Love and not so much
A man loves two women? No. Polygamy is the ability to fertilize the largest number of females, but by no means the ability to experience a feeling of love euphoria for everyone. That is, a man cannot “love” two women. And there are quotation marks here for a reason.
Love, as we were told in a school literature course, is a feeling when you are ready to do anything: give all your money and take out a loan at 30% per annum, sell a kidney or your own hair to buy a gift for the person you love most, split the last spoon of coffee in half. , sleep on the very edge of the bed, wake up 15 minutes earlier to be able to wake up on time...
Yes, you never know how many feats are performed for the sake of love. And of course, both a man and a woman during a period of intense love experiences strive to be as close as possible to the object of their feelings. Preferably - all day long.
And here, instead of love, we get “love”: one a little bit, the second a little bit. I can’t live without you, but somehow I can. I'm sad without you, but, oh, it's time for me to go home. You are so beautiful, not like the other one, so smart and the prettiest. And then: “Hello, yes dear, yeah, bread, loaf, milk, suppositories for hemorrhoids? Of course I'll buy it. Yes, I'll be there soon. I'm already on my way. That's it, my only one, I'm off. I will miss you unbearably."
And if a man loves two, then he lies to both. Well, for some company.
Buy a pig, woman!
And no one would be sad. But the man suddenly had a midlife crisis. And since middle age in Russia it is a very conditional concept; it comes to everyone differently. As he took a mistress, so did the crisis.
A man in heartache, radiating intellectual dissatisfaction and sexual hunger, having experience in everyday affairs - he can seduce any girl. If only there was a girl, there would be a way.
And after all, touched by the gentle whispers and ardent smuggled embraces, the ladies surrender without a fight. They melt, melt, write passionate SMS and buy erotic lingerie. They hope that one of these days the beloved will appear with a bouquet, a ring and a message that the old wife has been sent to rest.
“And you are appointed as the beloved wife, Zukhra!”
You can wait for this moment before the onset of menopause, but you won’t get it. Powder your wrinkles while he powders your brains.
Initiative is punishable
A man will not leave his wife until she makes claims against him regarding infidelity. Although he will never admit it, he is concerned about opinions about his moral character. Mom, Aunt Raya and godmother, sister, brother and, of course, children, neighbors, friends - how can I explain to them all that I’m tired of this one, I’ll live with the new one.
No, if “this one” files for divorce, okay, we will divorce and move in with “that one.” So a smart wife will put on a stupid face until the last moment, so as not to lose her blood-born husband.
This is the time, this is the hour
But to the question “can a man love two women equally?” An affirmative answer is entirely acceptable. He loves them not according to generally accepted concepts, but according to his own internal standards. It's like loving beer but drinking vodka from time to time. Wear a suit, but wear jeans on weekends. To go to Baden for water and to visit my grandfather in the village. Same with “that” and “that”. It’s good there, and it’s not bad either, as long as no one destroys this fragile comfort.
"Great" again
And if life nevertheless turned to face you, and the passionately beloved man found himself expelled from the bosom of the family into your arms, wait for history to repeat itself. Only now “this” will be you, and “that” will be someone else. As the honest Graham Greene wrote: “Even the most passionate embrace of a lover shows that love is fickle.”
And if a man went to the left once, nothing will stop him from repeating the piquant experience. So it’s worth really thinking about its matrimonial value. Isn't it better to look for your own man, for whom you will be the only possible option?
Old Style
Everything written above is generalized life experience not just one woman. But! Miracles happen. True, like all fairy gifts, this miracle will be a little smelly. He will really be able to put himself before a choice: can a man love one and live with another? But then he will be over 50. You, most likely, will be no more than 40. He will make a choice in your favor, and will finally become the rightful owner of the slippers and no longer a girl’s heart.
Before the offensive retirement age or the appearance of serious health problems, the man of your dreams does not think that life is a finite phenomenon. And if you don’t realize your dream now, then it will be too late. But as soon as the roast rooster pecks, he quickly makes his wishes come true: he gets a divorce, adopts your common children, redistributes the inheritance, takes you to the registry office.
What does this threaten you with, other than a feeling of deep satisfaction? Oh, with a lot of trouble. In 10-12 years it will begin to fall apart right before your eyes, in 2-3 years the word “prostate” will appear somewhere in your life, passionate bed battles will turn into rare friendly exercises. Dentures, where-are-my-glasses-medicines-newspapers, calls to your ex-wife complaining about your heartlessness and inattention... And not at all an idyllic, cheerful old age together.
And you know who will be most grateful to you for your courage? His ex-wife. She has escaped the hassle of aging loved one. She can allow herself to relax and live in pleasure.
Indivisible half
Since the desire to fall in love has come, fall in love with the free candidate. He has not yet become proficient in the system of circular deception. He will love one woman - you.
And no fruitless expectations, no vain hopes. We fell in love, got married, and live happily!
History knows many examples of polygamy, and in many countries of the world this tradition continues, which speaks in favor of the fact that a man can like several women at the same time.
Yes to anyone young man I know the feeling when, finding yourself in the company of pretty girls, you literally don’t know who to look at, they’re all so good.
Classmates
Once at a seminar on family psychology, one of the speakers addressed those present with a request: “I ask you to be extremely frank. Please raise your hands if you were married and fell in love with someone else at the same time.”
In the hall, where men and women with significant family experience were sitting, a whole forest of hands rose. “And now,” the speaker continued, I ask you to raise the hands of those who left their family because of this love.”
This time not a single hand went up, and the speaker said: “I will be happy to speak in front of such a truly adult audience.” If “truly grown-up” people are so unanimous in their attitude towards falling in love, where does the question arise – two women at the same time? Psychology has its own opinion on this matter.
It is quite natural for a young free man to be indifferent to several women at once. Although psychology refers to such “love” only as a way to find one and only companion for life.
Whether one can be indifferent at the same time and whether a man can love two women equally are completely different questions in male psychology. Despite liking several girlfriends, a man must decide which of them he feels more comfortable with - a self-confident, caring man or a devoted little dog, depending on the mood of the owner.
Can a man love two women at the same time? Many men are often in a hurry and mistake falling in love for love, or even just sexual attraction. Even the ancient Greeks understood psychology and knew that, despite the similarity of sensations, these feelings cannot be called in one word:
- Falling in love, no matter how strong it may seem, is short-lived, and very soon.
- Falling in love, as characterized by psychology, craves emotional pleasures for oneself, imagines passionate scenes of intimacy (“intertwining of arms, entwining of legs”), makes one “lose consciousness” from the voice of the beloved, clouds the mind and takes away the ability to control oneself, that is, it borders on obsession .
- Love craves happiness not only for itself, it shows care and interest in the object of sympathy as a person, looks forward, not looking for benefits even on an emotional level, but assuming long-term coexistence in any circumstances.
- He truly falls asleep and wakes up with thoughts of his beloved, his heart and every cell are filled with dreams and plans, where only she is present. In such a heart there is no place left for any other woman, and the question whether a man can love two women at the same time does not arise.
- If a man is tormented by doubts and he is trying to find out whether a man can love two women at the same time, psychology sees the explanation in the fact that the person has not known true love and is simply looking for an excuse for his failure.
When a man is guided not only by the psychology of sensual egoism, but at the same time by prudence, a stronger feeling than falling in love necessarily comes to him.
What does psychology say about those who can love one and live with another?
still remains a sealed secret for researchers of this extraordinary feeling.
Psychology cannot explain why many “fatal” women for famous men were neither particularly beautiful nor gentle in character. Like, for example, V. Mayakovsky’s fatal muse Lilia Brik.
And what makes hundreds and thousands of men sigh for one woman and at the same time live with others? And can a man love one and live with another? Psychology does not consider this situation to be phenomenal. There are several reasons for this state of affairs, depending on the male psychotype.
"Like everyone else"
A man receives a decisive refusal from the object of his love, but the psychology of a proud person does not allow him. In order not to vegetate alone, he gets himself a wife or a live-in partner and drags out his existence “like everyone else” - with a lifelong internal conflict, secret love and, at the same time, resentment towards women.
“Because you can’t... be beautiful like that”
Almost the same. The man does not even try to tell his beloved about his feelings, because he considers her... too beautiful and inaccessible. Realizing that female beauty demands sacrifices, the man decides not to tempt fate and be content with a less exotic gift - not the most beautiful and not very beloved woman.
"Stupidly drunk"
Young people, intoxicated with youthful passion, often tie themselves with the knot of Hymen. Such daredevils are often provoked by the fact that the beauty turned out to be “too tough” for everyone else, but “showed mercy” to him. Another option is that the girl found herself in an “interesting situation”, and a sense of duty obliged...
Ardent love, like “love” out of a sense of duty, passes over time, the young man meets true love, but does not dare to destroy the family, so he lives with one, and at the same time loves the other.
There are incomparably more life circumstances that force men to live with the wrong women with whom they are in love than the article can accommodate. But in each case, psychology draws attention to the main thing - the psychological immaturity of such men.
Why does it happen that they love some people and marry others?
There are many situations in the arsenal of the mastermind of fate when a man is unable to marry for love. The options described above are also relevant. But they can be supplemented.
"It's not evening yet"
A variation of the already discussed version of events can be called the psychology of a man who put off his declaration of love for a long time, and when he finally made up his mind, his passion turned out to be occupied by someone else.
In revenge, he “too” marries another, and all his life, like a vile reptile that has bitten its victim, he watches the life of his beloved from afar, hoping that her marriage will break up successfully, or her husband will go to his forefathers, or, finally, she herself will “come to her senses.” and will crawl to him on his knees.”
Psychology is silent about how in this case they are going to treat their real wife.
“Not comme il faut?”
The “fear” of men is opposed by another phenomenon known in psychology. A man falls in love with a woman who... is shy. Either she is not as presentable as the lady from his social circle, or she is not as educated, or she is much lower than him in terms of social status. social status- doesn't matter.
He knows that marriage with this woman will not be approved by his family, friends, or work colleagues. The psychology of “what will they say” forces a man to marry a lady from his circle, while simultaneously destroying not only his own life, but also hers.
"Yam"
An extremely rare option in our time, but familiar to psychology, is when a mother chooses a wife for her son. Mom is not interested in the psychology of her “child,” and the girls he likes are perceived as impudent contenders for the mother’s place in his heart.
Such situations are typical of families where the boy grew up in a totalitarian female environment. He can love a woman. But he must marry the one who, in his mother’s opinion, deserves him. This is why men love some and marry others, and psychology knows many other circumstances.
One woman for life: does this happen?
There are so many myths and curiosity surrounding monogamous men that it is impossible to ignore the question: can a man love one woman all his life?
For some reason, it seems to many that such men must be deficient in some way - they are attributed either physical ugliness, or failure in career growth, or sexual disability, or religious obscurantism.
All in all, positive feedback there is not enough about deep feelings for the only woman among the people.
But let everyone look at the past of their own family - is it bad to dream that your parents will live their whole lives in perfect harmony? If this was the case, can such a life be called flawed in some way?
The psychology of men who deny monogamous love is quite understandable:
- They live with a woman who serves them, supports them and loves them in her own way. They, while formally “loving” one, simultaneously have feelings for another woman, perhaps also unfree. No one dares to cut this Gordian knot, and the man is quite happy with this. Moreover, he is sure that a man can love two women at the same time.
- another type is unthinkable without romantic adventures and holiday romances. In such families, it is customary to “take a break from each other” by going on vacation alone. These people are also sure that a man can love two women at the same time.
- There is also a type of men who consider the institution of family to be an endangered type of relationship.
But let’s try to look inside ourselves and ask – wouldn’t we like to meet true love? And is it possible to question the value of family? What is called the social cell, which forms the basis of the human population and at the same time keeps the human race from extinction?
Psychology does not call for a man’s love for one woman to make him a slave and “inadequate” in relation to other women. But the beauty of love lies in the ability to survive any trials (even a sudden surge of love) and remain faithful to one beloved to the end.
Useful video
The situation becomes incredibly complex and confusing when the question arises in the girl’s thoughts: can a man love two? You can see what psychologists think about this in the video below:
Conclusion
- Psychology does not give a positive answer to the question of whether a man can love two women at the same time.
- Psychology recommends distinguishing between concepts such as love and infatuation and does not consider them synonymous.
- Psychology calls men who justify their promiscuity by the ability to love two women at the same time socially and psychologically immature people.
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| URBUYVP. — dima |
| Andrey Barel 23 BRTEMS 2002 ZPDB |
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| URBUYVP. — dima |
| Marrch Ca`at 22 BRTEMS 2002 ZPDB |
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| oBRYUBFSH LPNNEOFBTYK |
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| URBUYVP. — dima |
I will continue the resulting cycle of lamentations of nameless twenty-nine-year-olds...
My wife Katya and I have been living together for 8 years. We live neither bad nor good. Worse than many, but no worse than some. It seems like we love each other. No children. It’s not that we don’t want to, it just didn’t work out somehow. And financially we don’t reach the “middle class”. Anything happened, they quarreled, they swore, they even fought. She went to see her mother, threatened with divorce, they even came to the registry office once... But somehow all the conflicts were mutually extinguished...
In general, we live slowly.
Now, about a year and a half... no, more. Two. Or even half... Two years ago I met Alena. We worked next door. We communicated insofar as. And the more we “insofar” communicated, the more I fell in love with her. The girl is beautiful. Not an ideal or a standard, but I fell in love with all her possible minor flaws and they became only advantages. She's only a year younger than me, so that doesn't count. Not married and, it seems, not in a relationship with anyone. Alena just lives and enjoys life! He goes hiking in the mountains, travels with friends to different cities, and plays sports.
At the same time, Alena has a very complex character. More precisely, it is difficult, most likely, only for me. For those to whom she is open, she is the life of the party. No. Too weak a definition... She is the center of the Universe! With those with whom she does not want to communicate... she communicates, cheerfully and openly. And she does this not deceitfully, sincerely, but there is always a feeling that something is wrong...
So for me it became the center of the universe, the meaning of my whole life. Like the classic “he goes down with this name, he gets up with this name.” And I also fell into that category of people with whom she does not want to communicate.
How does a person in love behave? Right. Like an idiot. So I behaved like an idiot. Why "led"? I'm leading. He brought her flowers and apples. postcards, all sorts of stupid little things... Of course, in the end, I began to tire her. She wasn't happy with me anyway. But I still wanted to go to her, I wanted for her.
In general, this is such a strained friendship.
Despite this, she became my dearest and closest person in the whole world...
I confessed to her my feelings for her and my attitude. What should be the reaction of a person who doesn’t care about you? Right. None. I took note. It often happened that I was clearly “fed up” with her, I promised myself not to approach her, not to communicate. But he repeated his mistake again. Sometimes she even came up to chat and again it was as if nothing had happened...
And my brain exploded. The brain didn't know what to do. I even got drunk once, although I don’t drink alcohol at all. Shitty fix. Doesn't help at all.
I quit that job almost a year ago. Sometimes we correspond with Alena on VK. They even became friends, as it is fashionable to say. I tried to convince her that “the love has passed, the tomatoes have wilted,” but she is not a fool either. The general mood of these mini-correspondences was in the same style as before, seemingly friendly, but also tense. Sometimes I visited her at work, and somehow everything was on “friendly ignore”.
Then one day she recently had a bad day... I went to her with my “support” - in the end I received “I don’t want to talk to you”! I deleted her from friends, didn’t answer her phone or text messages... The next day I came to her work - there I received the same thing: “get away from me, I don’t want to talk to you.”
But really, why do I need it...
I got up and left. He left, deciding to forget and cut it off. I deleted all her photos, deleted her phone number and my page on VK, so that there would be no temptation to go to her page, write to her...
So four days passed...
Suddenly she calls me. She was walking past my work and decided to call me to apologize for her behavior. Another proof of the perfection of this little man... The girl calls FIRST to APOLOGIZE!!
We met, chatted for a couple of minutes as always about nothing, and again I got carried away...
Ugly VK, it turns out, can still show a user’s page, even if you are not registered in it.
I deleted the phone number from my address book, but not from my brain, which had learned 11 numbers like a mantra. Moreover, sneaky Google restored the recording in the phone without asking.
A few days later I accidentally met her on the street. We chatted a little and Alena made me understand that I was intrusive and not pleasant to her. Immediately, without saying goodbye, I disappeared.
The next day I sent her a “control” SMS “hello, how are you doing” - and received a “hello okay” in response. Again, again she didn’t write “fuck off, you asshole, you’re sick of me.” I would be much more happy about this.
I think we need to conduct a “confrontation”. I want to come to her and put her before a choice, either she sends me far away and for a long time, or peace, friendship, chewing gum.
Of course I want the second option, but I’m even more afraid of it. What am I going to do with it...
The first option is more correct. But it's hard to live with. She will not go anywhere from her head and heart. In addition, most likely, sooner or later I will lose my temper and write to her “hello, how are you doing” and in response I will again receive “hello okay.”
But, most likely, she will avoid a direct answer. It will be neither here nor there. Everything will hang again. Although I myself understand that the situation is leaning toward “fuck off.” But men in love are stupid. They don't take hints. Even very opaque ones. You need to send it loudly and in direct text. You can even hit him in the face. MAYBE it will come then, although there is no guarantee...
And now I’m sitting and looking at her new photo - I updated it yesterday. I look at her photos every day. And I restrain myself not to write it. She didn’t respond to this morning’s “good morning”... And I also dreamed about her today. I often dream about Alena...
What about the wife? I... probably love Katya. Or maybe not. Maybe this is the same habit. Elementary, habit, Nadezhda (c). I also often think that I just feel sorry for her... I don’t know. But I don’t feel those feelings, and especially the same strength as for Alena, for her. And now, during a quarrel, I kick her out to my mother and I drag her to the registry office. After. Of course, I regret it... Or maybe not.
Does anyone have a blinker like the Men in Black?
In old Soviet films, the type of seductive beauty, doomed to the role of a mistress, regularly appeared - the guys “walked” with them before the wedding, and modest asexual girls were taken to the registry office. “They sleep with some, and marry others,” the on-screen aunties said vindictively and pursed their lips. And it would be nice if these abandoned girls already had a lousy reputation - no, often the main characters long and persistently sought their attention, pushing aside potential suitors, ending up first, and then leaving for their plain-looking brides.
Okay, let’s say that the cinema of those years had little to do with reality; there, spherical Komsomol members built communism in a vacuum and broadcast the corresponding moral principles. But also in ordinary life men kept dropping: “I sleep with M., but I respect N.,” “I won’t take someone like that as a wife, only a pure girl”... And after a few years of marriage: “A wife is a wife, and the body requires sex.” They persistently divided women into Madonnas and Harlots. Madonna should have been loved, revered, had children given to her very delicately, and lived with her until old age. But for passion you have to go elsewhere. Even the common nonsense “A woman should be a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the living room, and a slut in the bedroom” - it’s about the fact that it’s not interesting to be with a decent woman in bed.
True, over time it began to seem that the phrase “And then he will kiss my child with these lips?!” remained in the last century along with the comedy “Analyze This”. Today's men seem to have stopped denying seductive women the right to respect. Everyone agreed that you can have great sex with the mother of your children and the moral character of a woman depends on her human qualities, and not on her behavior in bed.
Sort of. Because recently I heard again: “I will marry a virgin who can raise my son.” From a young man of about twenty-five. It turns out that the misconception has not gone away, new men have grown up for whom sex still remains dirty, which means good person they can't do it.
Popular
The problem is that if previously this was a generally accepted point of view, which was not ashamed to voice, now cautious men prefer to keep it to themselves, otherwise the girls will laugh and refuse to sleep with them. Therefore, they save revelations until the time when they stop talking about serious relationship there's no way out. And then it turns out that a man is incredibly excited by porn videos with busty blondes, he looks out for them at parties, drags them into bed and maintains long-term relationships with them, but... “You understand that this is not love, but just animal sex...” Therefore, at the same time, he romantically cares for young, fragile brunettes, gives them flowers, kisses their fingertips... and leaves to spend the night with his mistress.
And that same blonde realizes that she somehow unnoticedly got into a relationship with a guy who can’t do without her, but at the same time doesn’t respect her and plans to change her to a “cleaner” option.
And if you are that same brunette, then one day you will find out that the gentle knight “took care” of you not for reasons of gallantry, but because he simply didn’t want to, and if you managed to get married by that time, lousy sex for several years is guaranteed. If you persistently seduce him before marriage and, God forbid, you get the hang of it, he will understand that you are not pure enough to become his wife, he will quickly knock you off the pedestal and continue to look for someone who will meet his sanitary and moral standards.
The most interesting thing is to listen to how these men describe their the ideal woman. She must be young and inexperienced, but physically perfect. And with a big ass, preferably. Let her be full of passion, which she does not suspect, - he himself will reveal to her the joys of the flesh in reasonable quantities. Her mind is innocent, but sharp. She doesn’t seem to think about men, but she knows how to treat them very correctly.
