It was a quiet, warm summer night. Two people were walking along the side of the road, holding hands. The light of lanterns, the quiet roar of rare cars passing by, a light summer breeze... They were together, they loved...
Suddenly, an instant collision of two cars... An explosion... The girl felt wild pain and lost consciousness, the guy barely dodged the debris, he suffered less.
Hospital... These lifeless and indifferently cruel hospital walls... Ward. Bed. It shows a girl with fractures and blood loss. There was a guy sitting next to her, he didn’t leave her side for a minute. Once again a nurse entered the room. She called the guy over and they went out.
She will live, right? (tears flowed from his tired, swollen and sleep-deprived eyes)
- We are doing everything possible, but you understand everything yourself...
- Please, I beg you, don’t let her die, I have no one but her.
- I will do my best, I will try very hard...
The guy wiped his tears and returned to the room with the nurse. The girl felt that something was wrong... Although she herself understood that it was almost impossible to cure her, she still asked:
- Tell me, I’ll survive, won’t you help me get out? Is it true?
- Of course, honey, we will do our best (the nurse said and lowered her eyes)
When the guy and the girl were alone, she said to him:
- Promise me that no matter what happens, you will definitely be happy! I want it!
- What are you saying? You are my happiness! I can't live without you!
- Promise me! You understand everything yourself! I want to know! I want to make sure that you will be happy! Even if without me! Promise me this, for my sake! (she screamed and tears fell from her eyes)
- ...Okay, I’ll try, but I can’t promise you that (he also cried)
Night has fallen. The girl fell asleep, and the guy dozed off by her bed... The girl had a dream in which her mother came to her from heaven and told her:
- My girl, tomorrow evening I will come for you. We will fly to another world, where there is no evil, pain, or betrayal. You will be calm there. - Mother?! How?! Already?! But... but I don’t want to leave... I... I love him... I can’t live without him.
- I came to warn you, be ready. Spend your last day with him... I have to go. (she turned and flew away, with large feathery white wings spreading behind her)
In the morning, as usual, the nurse came, the test results did not bring any good news. The girl and the guy stayed together. She told him that today she would die... He didn’t believe it, shouted at her, said that everything would be fine, but she told him:
- Please, let's spend the last day together. I want to be with you.
He was silent. His heart was beating wildly, it was breaking, his soul was torn into pieces, tears flowed like a river, he did not know what to do. - Let's just be together, remember all the good things, remember our happiness. I want to meet our last sunset with you, I want to kiss you. Let's stay together.
- Okay, my love. But I can’t live without you, you are my life. I'll die without you...
- Don't say that, you should be happy, you promised me. Let's just be together. Let's not cry, I know it's very difficult, but let's spend the last day in happiness...
- Of course... beloved... the only one...
The whole day they were together, without opening each other’s hands, remembering all their joys... He couldn’t even for a second imagine himself without her... But... The sun was already setting. Their last sunset. Both had tears in their eyes...
- I don't want to lose you, my love.
- I understand, but this is probably necessary, this is how it should be.
- I will feel very bad without you. Very. I will never forget you.
- Darling, I will always be by your side. I will always help you. My love for you is eternal! Remember this!
They were both crying. They looked into each other's eyes and could not do anything, because they understood that they were together in this world for the last minutes...
- Darling, I’m not afraid to die, because I know what love is! I lived for you! I've never lied to you.
- Darling, I'm scared.
- Don't be afraid. I'll be there...
Suddenly her pulse stopped. She flew out of her body. She saw how he tightly pressed her body to him, how he screamed, called for help, begged her not to leave him. The nurses came running. They tried to do something, but it was too late.
Suddenly, she felt that someone took her hand. It was her mother.
- Mom, mommy, I don’t want to leave him, please, just one more minute, I want to go to him. Please mom!!!
- My girl, it’s time for us... We must fly...
The girl looked at herself. She glowed, wings appeared behind her back. She looked at her lover for the last time, flapped her wings and flew away with her mother. She found herself above the clouds...
Continuation
Her soul flew away like a snow-white angel to heaven. And he... For how long he could not move away from her body. I couldn’t let go of her hand, I couldn’t help but look at that frozen soft smile. Those frozen green eyes. She seemed to him still alive. He thought that in just another moment she would take a breath again and smile again. He couldn't imagine what he should do now. I just couldn’t comprehend that she was no longer there. He felt a dull pain in his heart and felt his soul being torn apart. There was not a single thought in his head, only her, only her eyes, her hands, her lips.
When he returned to his home, he could not understand that he would now have to live alone. He could smell her. It seemed to him that he heard her voice, that she was calling him. He walked into their common room, on its shelf there were photographs of her, stuffed animals, her jewelry. Everything was so familiar, so familiar. He sat down on the sofa and noticed that her blouse was hanging on the chair. He took her in his hands, pressed her to him, and a wave of tears washed over him again. For a very long time he could not sleep, he sat, clutching her thing to him, sat as if under a spell, not seeing anything around. Only her image froze before his eyes. Only her. The only one... From tears and worries, his eyes became gray and foggy. Somehow lifeless.
After a long time, a telephone call brought him to his senses.
- Hello...
- We can bury you tomorrow. (It was a call from the hospital)
- How to bury? Already? No! Please, can I see her again, can I say goodbye to her one last time?
- Here at the cemetery you’ll say goodbye! (Answered by a rough male voice) Be a man, pull yourself together!
It’s a warm summer day again, the sun is shining in a special way. But the birds are silent... There is not a single sound. Nothing breaks the silence. He stands next to the coffin in which lies the one for whom he lived, the one he dreamed of. Ta. My favorite. He didn't understand what was happening.
Suddenly, he felt that someone's gaze was fixed on his back. Turned around. But I didn't see anything. Then I felt that gaze again. He turned around again. And again nothing.
And this is the moment when he sees her last second. He grabbed her hand, screamed, said that he wanted to die too! It was as if he had lost his mind. I didn’t understand anything at all.
Suddenly he felt someone put a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he didn’t see anything, he only realized that she was now standing next to him, he just didn’t see her. He held her hand. Angela. I felt her warmth. So dear, so familiar. He even felt calmer. She still kept her promise to be by his side. Always.
On the way home, she walked next to him. She saw him, and he felt her. He was calm. Many days passed, she flew to him every day. She was with him when he woke up, when he fell asleep. She was there when it was difficult for him, when he felt bad.
Just finishing...
Quiet winter evening... Outside the window, white sparkling snow falls to the ground. Snowflakes sparkle in the light of the lanterns. He looks out the window. The lights are on in the neighboring houses. He remembers... He remembers her, her voice (he still remembers this voice, so affectionate and dear), her eyes, you could look into them endlessly. He remembers his love. How he loved her and still loves her. He so wants to hug her again, wants to hold hands again, look into her eyes again. But…
He left a trace of his breath on the cold glass and wrote her name.
How bad I feel without you... I miss you so much. I would give anything just to hold you again. If only I could see you again. I’m so lonely, so sad without you... I want to come to you. Take me to your place, will you? Or... Or come back.
Suddenly, another breath mark appeared on the street side of the glass. Someone wrote his name. It was her. She heard him calling her.
Tears appeared in his eyes. He couldn't do this anymore. He began to cry. I cried like a child, powerless to change anything. It was not in his power.
Drops appeared on the other side of the glass and immediately froze... These were her tears. It was the purest love in the world. The one that is written about in fairy tales, the one that everyone dreams of, but cannot turn it into reality, the love that cannot be described in words. You can only feel it. It was the love of an angel for a man.
Patterns began to appear on the glass that appear in severe frost, but the design was unusual, it depicted her. She was still just as beautiful. All the same bottomless eyes. Still the same look. The same lips and hands that he so wanted to touch, but he only felt cold glass.
Why is the world so cruel? Why must unearthly love endure such pain? How they wanted to just touch each other again.
God saw their love and suffering. He just wanted them to be happy. Although she was supposed to be an angel, still, when desires and intentions are pure, God fulfills them. In this case, He did just that. He gave new life to this girl. The guy and his lover were together again. And it happened like this:
One fine morning, the guy and the girl just woke up together again. They didn't remember anything, they just felt that something inexplicable had happened. Some kind of miracle. Only their frozen names remained on the glass, which they themselves wrote there. Since then, these two have lived to this day. Among us... They will become angels when another such fabulous, mutual and pure love appears on earth.
I had a friend, Dina. She and I grew up in the same yard, although we weren’t best friends, we were definitely good friends. She was 6 years older than me. Since childhood, she liked languages and Dina firmly decided to become a translator. Got in right away. She studied well, had excellent prospects, she was invited to various fashionable parties where foreigners were present. Dina perceived this as a chance to communicate with real representatives of other countries. All the people there liked her because she was pleasant in appearance, had a great knowledge of languages, and was always amiable and charming. One “major” liked her, another guy who lived off the money of his rich parents. There was everything, love, gifts, passion, but Dina became pregnant and this “major” left her, announcing that the birth of a child was not part of his plans and he left for his homeland, leaving her... Dina already hated the child with all her soul, but to go I was never able to get an abortion...I decided to keep the child and raise her on my own, regardless of his father. Dina gave birth to a boy, named him Lenya; before giving birth, she got a well-paid job in a foreign company, whose representative office was located in Russia. She didn’t want to raise a child, so she hired a nanny, Victoria. She worked like this for 4 years, and she hated Lenya so much that she didn’t even want to see him, in her thoughts she blamed him for her breakup with John. And Lenya sincerely loved his mother, met her on the doorstep, put the kettle on when she arrived, set the table with her favorite set, sweets, but she came home, most often watched TV, read, but did not pay attention to Lenya and could not believe it, that after everything she does, her son loves her and is waiting for her. At the age of 5, Lena was diagnosed with blood cancer. This horrified Dina. The stage was small, Dina decided to cure Lenya no matter what, she loved him like the mother of a son. Little Lenya endured the course of chemotherapy, medications, everything easily, he did not want to make Dina tired. Then it turned out that she needed a bone marrow transplant, but in Russia such operations are not performed, and there was no donor base at all. Dina saved money, borrowed from friends and acquaintances, went to charitable organizations, and finally collected the required amount to go abroad , but Lenya died... Dina couldn’t believe it, she cried all day long, buried Lenya and couldn’t live in peace, she thought only about him. Once she told me: “Katya, Lenya is the brightest and most pleasant thing that has happened in my life, he infused light, joy, happiness into my soul, I love him and will always love him. .." Dina died, committed suicide, swallowed pills, could not survive the loss... In her posthumous note, she indicated that she wanted to meet Lyonya, who loved him and how hard she dealt with his death...
Phone call. 2 am.
- Hello. I love you.
– Hello (smiles).
- How are you doing without me? Sorry it's so late...
- Yes, nothing. Leshka, I miss you so much, when are you coming?
– The sun is just a little bit left, just a couple of hours and I’m home. Let's talk, otherwise I've been driving for 10 hours, I'm tired, I have no strength, but your voice invigorates me and gives me strength.
- Of course, let's talk. Come on, tell me how your business trip ended? He probably cheated on me (smiles)?
- Lyubanya, how can you joke like that, I love you so much that I don’t even look at anyone. And at work I managed to do a lot, a lot. I am sure that after all this, at least my salary will be raised. Here. How are you feeling? Is our baby pushing?
“He’s pushing... that’s not saying enough, I don’t understand what I did to him.” And, you know, usually when I hear your voice it’s all calmness, but now, on the contrary, something has gone wrong. Why did you decide to drive into the night? I should have rested and gone, otherwise... That’s how you left, tell me.
- Well, how, how: after the last negotiations, I got into the car, drove to the hotel to get my things and moved towards the house. Somewhere in the second half of the journey, about an hour and a half ago, don’t worry, I passed out, but just for a couple of seconds. Everything is fine, thank God, but feeling tired again, I decided to call you so as not to fall asleep again.
- So how can I not worry? Wait a second, the city guy is calling. At a time like this, who could it be? Wait a second.
- Sotnikova Lyubov?
- Yes. Who is this?
- Senior Sergeant Klimov. Sorry it's so late, we found a car that was involved in an accident. According to the documents, the person inside is Alexey Valerievich Sotnikov. Is this your husband?
- Yes. But this can’t be, I’m talking to him on my cell phone right now.
- Hello, Lesha. Lyosha, answer! Here they tell me that you crashed. Hello! The only response was a barely audible hiss from the speaker.
- Hello. Sorry, but I actually just talked to him.
- Sorry, but this is impossible. The medical expert stated that death occurred about an hour and a half ago. I'm really sorry. Sorry, we need you to come for identification. How much do you have to love and want to return home in order not to notice death...
Every April 15, she and her son come to see him at the cemetery. Alyoshka is an exact copy of his father. And he often says, “Hi, I love you,” which was his dad’s favorite expression. He knows that his parents loved each other very much, he knows that his parents were really looking forward to his appearance, he loves them very much. And also, every time he comes to the cemetery with his mother, he comes up to the stove, hugs her as much as he can and says: “Hello, dad” and begins to tell how he is doing, how he built a house out of cubes, how he drew a cat, how he scored his the first goal, how he loves and helps his mother. Lyuba constantly, looking at her son, smiles and tears run down her cheek... A young handsome guy smiles from a gray gravestone, as before. He will always be 23 years old. Thanks to the master, who even conveyed the expression of his beloved eyes. Below she asked to make an inscription: “You are gone forever, but not from my heart...” His cell phone was never found at the scene of the accident and she expects that someday he will definitely call her again..
I want to tell the sad story of my love. My story includes all sorts of details, so if you are too lazy to read, then it’s better not to read... I just want to speak out, not to my friend, to no one.. but here, now.. just write about it. So...
Once upon a time, almost 4 years ago, I met a guy... We fell in love with each other very much. We just had crazy love. We couldn’t live without each other even a day, he loved me like no one else had loved. I loved him in a way that no one else loved him. We breathed this love, we lived it. We were happy.. we were very happy! There were no halves.. We were one whole! Soon we began to live together. We were always close... I liked to cook for him and even he liked to cook for me.
I never thought that it could happen like this... that it could all be so alive, so real. He was the closest, dearest, only, beloved. Eh... it would take a long time to describe everything that I felt, everything that he felt, everything that we felt together. But you know how it happens... we were together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... every day and we missed each other, despite such closeness we constantly missed us. Over time, you begin to realize that something bright is missing in your life.
You know, when this period of euphoria passes and you are already so accustomed to a person that it seems to you that he will not go anywhere, here he is next to you... this is how it should be, but how could it be otherwise... he has been with you for almost 4 years years, you became attached to him, very much, too much... and he simply cannot help but be there. And he... he feels the same, he thinks the same. And then you start hating him... hating him for all sorts of stupid reasons.
Because he sits at the computer, because he watches TV, because he doesn’t give you flowers, because he doesn’t want to go for a walk... and I’m generally afraid to remember money issues. And he... he hated me too. You can’t imagine the most terrible thing is this love that turned into hatred! And now, being alone in this apartment in which we lived for 4 years, only now I understand what nonsense this is, it’s just ridiculous, what have we done, what have we turned us into and where is this happiness?
We broke up a little over 2 months ago. This happened when all this had already become unbearable. When we didn’t see each other all day, we started quarreling right away. Just because of some little things that weren’t worth anything in this life. In the last month of our relationship, it was clear to both of us that this would all end soon. When we sat in the evenings in different corners, each doing his own thing, on his own wavelength, but we had the same atmosphere.
The atmosphere of negativity that filled us, that was already flowing through our veins. I then signed up for dancing in order to somehow distract myself, to diversify my life, and in general I had wanted to for a long time and thought that it was just the right time. And somehow I became very involved in them, that I no longer really cared what was happening between us, that our relationship was dying.
I had a new environment, all our mutual friends became of little interest to me. I was all about dancing. I'm just a fan. And this happens to everyone... you realize that there is no point in anyone anymore when you don’t even try to fix something, when you see that he doesn’t do anything about it either. That he doesn’t care, that he doesn’t give a damn either.
Previously, we somehow tried to fix everything. And then we were simply blown away, and probably both he and I had simply lost our strength... we no longer had the strength or desire to change anything. This moment came... the last straw, his last cry and it was as if I had been hit in the head... so sharply.
I told him we needed to talk. It was my initiative.. I said that I didn’t want anything else, that I wanted to break up... he said that he had been thinking about it for a week. A long conversation, tears, lump, sediment... and nothing more, the next day he moved out. It was hard... yes it was hard. And of course you understand. We broke up, but we still had common problems that we needed to solve. We continued to quarrel, all because of these some kind of problems that are now worth nothing.
Then we started communicating, I just don’t know how, you can’t call them friends, or acquaintances either. He just came sometimes, drank tea, talked about everything. About work, about dancing, about everything but not about us. We were just talking. I found a new job, I had new friends, dancing, I only came home to spend the night. Everything was fine with me and so was he. I no longer suffered and did not want to return to him. He also resigned himself. That's how 2 months passed.
And then a situation occurs that killed me, killed me and everything that was left alive in me. His brother calls me and offers to meet and discuss something. I didn’t have any second thoughts, because I communicated normally with his brother and didn’t even notice that he had recently started writing to me on VKontakte very often.
We meet and he starts... - You see, I treat you very well, I don’t like everything that’s happening, I’m afraid that everything will go too far and that’s why I want to tell you everything.. He found someone else. He found her 10 days after you broke up.
“I know it’s unpleasant for you to hear all this now, but I decided that you should know everything.” And he likes her madly, her photo is on his desk, he takes such good care of her... they see each other all the time. And as soon as he told me the first two words—he said something else—it was as if a bomb had exploded in my chest. I cannot adequately describe how painful it was for me. It's very painful. This is cruel. And I broke... I was killed, I was destroyed. I cried in bed for two nights without getting up.
I was killed at work for two days. How bad it was. How this lump pressed me. He just destroyed it. I realized that I still love him, that I cannot live, breathe without this person, that I need him... that he is my everything. And at the same time, I hated him now because he forgot me so quickly and found a replacement. How hard it is to write about this...
And a few days later a friend calls me, she is our mutual friend... and after talking with her. It was as if I had descended to earth. A stone lifted from my soul, although I didn’t fully believe this whole story. She told me that she had a heart-to-heart talk with him. And that this brother of his came up with everything... there is none of this. That he values me and what happened between us. That he really loved me, that he was happy with me and now remembers only good things. Well.. it's always like that..
And he and his brother had a very strong quarrel and I don’t know for what purpose, as if to annoy him, he decided to come up with such a story. I don’t know what the truth is... but I don’t think a guy could fall in love with someone else like that in a week and forget everything that happened between us.
He loved me very much... and was ready to do anything for me. He once saved my life... but I won’t talk about that. I don’t know.. really... yes, I felt better after talking with my friend, a little bit easier.. but from that moment, after his brother’s call, everything in my life went downhill. It was as if he had destroyed my peace of mind, or... I don’t know what to call it... but I really felt good. I even got used to it without him... it was easy for me. And he broke everything.
And every day after that just killed me. I lost my job, I lost people who were close to me... Everyone around me was cruel to me, everyone accused me of something... every day it just finished me off. And you know... the biggest loss happened very recently, I lost him for the second time, I lost him forever! He will never come back to me...
It was raining, I was heading to the dance... broken, completely killed, destroyed, crushed... I was going to the dance. I didn’t want anything, not to dance, not to see the people I wanted to see all the time... but I knew that now I simply had to go there, through force, through myself... I simply had to go, not think about anything, about anyone , just dance.. dance and nothing more. And I was able... I suppressed everything, all the weakness, I was able... I danced, yes... but for the first time it was so disgusting to me, I wanted to kill everyone who was there, I was sick of everyone, I wanted to run away from there! How so... after all, I can’t live without this anymore... dancing is my everything, but I was disgusted by everything.
And in the locker room I simply couldn’t stand this pressure in my chest, I broke down completely.. I called him, why.. how could I.. I called him and offered to see him... I really needed to talk to him! After all, he is the person to whom I could tell everything, absolutely... I really needed to talk to him.
I wasn't going to return him... I just wanted to talk. It continued to rain... no, it was a terrible downpour... I sat at the bus stop and waited for it. I was waiting for him... and he arrived, he sat down next to me, lit a cigarette and was silent, and I didn’t say anything... and we just sat and were silent for several minutes. I tried to say something, but it was as if I had filled my mouth with water... I didn’t know where to start.
Then he said - will we remain silent? And I immediately felt cruelty... cruelty in his voice, in words, cruelty inside him... cruelty and composure. He continued to say something, and in every word there was dryness and indifference. He said that it was easier for him to live this way, that it was necessary, and that he advised me to do the same. Some kind of horror.
Then I spoke.. I talked and cried for a long time about what was happening in my life.. I could no longer hold on... I was as if defeated, I cried all the time, it was raining and it was getting dark, I didn’t take off my sunglasses... it was already dark and I didn’t take them off... there was terrible pain under them. But he remained cruel and said that there was no need for tears.
And I just started to choke, my head hurt... my whole face was swollen, I probably looked very pitiful... but I didn’t care. And at some point he could no longer hold on and hugged me. He hugged me so tightly, pressed me to himself - what are you doing... everything will be fine, stop it. He hugged me and stroked my hair, and then there was some kind of clouding of my mind. I didn’t want to say it... it wasn’t me anymore. It was simply impossible to stop me!
- “I love you, we can fix everything, we did something stupid... I need you, I need you, I know... you feel bad too, come back to me, we can fix everything, we wanted a wedding, a family, children... You told me I was there for life! Let’s just forgive each other for everything now... and start over with a new leaf, change, do everything to save us!”
When he started talking, I didn’t believe a single word of his - “I’m sorry, yes... I felt bad, I was depressed, I didn’t know how to live... but I suppressed all my feelings, I don’t love you anymore, there’s nothing to save, I don't love you! I didn’t want to believe it.. I didn’t believe in it.. I didn’t believe that in 2 months you could forget 4 years of relationship! But he continued to say: “I treat you well, I appreciate you as a person, I loved you and was happy with you! And I am grateful to you for this time!”
I couldn’t calm down, he hugged me and said these words... words that destroyed me from the inside, that killed me inside me. Which devoured me and left nothing in me! It doesn’t happen like that... it doesn’t happen like that... he loved me, he loved me very much, he was ready to do anything for me... And now he says: “I don’t feel anything now, I don’t feel anything, I’m sorry, but I’m sincere with you.”
And then there was nothing left in me... I got up and walked... I don’t know where, why, but he followed me and said something else. I remember that he said that he really offended me, and that I probably wouldn’t communicate with him anymore. I remember that he would like to be my friend or not communicate at all, but not be enemies...
And the rain continued to fall, and I didn’t see anything, I walked through the mud through the puddles, and he followed me... I stopped somewhere, he asked me to go home, let him take me, and I just stood there and slowly died... It was death, the real one... I was no longer there. Then I turned around and told him for the last time how much I needed him... and he said “sorry” and left.
He left... just left, leaving me alone in this state, at night, in the rain on the street... alone. How could he? Once he was afraid to let me out into the store two meters at night, he was very afraid for me... and now he left me there and left... without leaving anything behind. I don’t know how long I stood there.. what I felt was death... really... death... I was killed, I’m no longer alive.
For a week I couldn’t move, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, I gave up on everything... then I was fired from work... I don’t have the strength to dance... I’m not just exhausted from energy, I’m no longer alive. I have no idea how I can come to terms with this and move on. I don't want anything...
I couldn’t understand how he could leave me there alone... after he once saved my life. I couldn't believe it. And I got it into my head... that this cannot be forgiven, that I hate him for this, although in reality... everything is not like that. And yesterday I found out that he followed me all the way to the entrance until he was sure that I had gone home. A friend told me about this, he asked me not to talk about it, but you know.. this is a friend.. and I felt even worse, I was even more drawn to him.. but nothing more will happen.. I died..
fasting is death...
Death. . .
Today I saw “death”... It was real... the most cruel and cold-blooded. The death of something real, something living.. it was a murder... Someone was killed.. maybe it was me.. I don’t know... probably now I’m gone. It's probably not me now. It happens... it happens suddenly, when you don’t expect a blow at all, when you stand firmly on your feet and feel confident, confident in yourself and your abilities! And then just bang... And you no longer feel anything... only sharp pain, muffled by a state of shock and the smell of death.
And then there is loss of consciousness, clouding of mind... and you try to reconstruct fragments, words, faces... But there is fog in your head, you need to remember something important, but there is fog everywhere... and then it happens that all this gimmick in your head is no longer makes no sense..
Everything has already been decided for you! We decided that you need to forget everything... in that very place, at that very moment, just forget and come to terms with some truth that you don’t even remember. Remain the way you were left in that very place... at that very moment! And there.. just standing there.. you understand that everything has passed, that everything has really passed.. that now no one cares about your safety. And you continue to stand there and kill all the weakness, all the fears, all the pain and all the grievances...
You kill all the feelings in yourself, this whole fucking anomaly... You kill yourself in yourself.. This is probably how we become cruel. But what then, excuse me, is the price of these feelings, which are suppressed by the desire to be cold-blooded?
It was very difficult to tell... it was as if I was going through everything all over again...
The guy committed suicide. How to understand and experience this?
If you don't take into account the fact that I am a woman, then I will say: I hate women! Because of them there are only troubles and tragedies. It’s not for nothing that sailors don’t take them with them to the ship.
Tragic love stories with a tragic end. A guy committed suicide because of a girl. - This story is from real life.
I had a boyfriend. I loved him not only very much. It so happened that he fell in love with someone else. I understood and let go. It hurt. But I dreamed that my beloved would be happy. But his happiness was so short-lived.
His beloved met another and officially declared that everything was over between them. The unfortunate boy was ready to die in front of the traitor. But he died when she didn’t see it...
He came to me. I saw all his suffering: they were imprinted on the features of his beautiful face. I so wanted to do at least something for him that would take away his pain. But she shed tears from his sad eyes.
Perhaps you want to know the name of the person whom I could not protect from the worst? His name was Alexander. And I called him Sashenka. They called, they called... Because he is no longer on this earth. Now he is an angel living high, in the blue of heaven, between the rays of the sun.
On the last day of his life's journey, he did not even answer calls. I consoled myself with the fact that he was fast asleep and did not hear the sound of my intrusive and alarming call. I called again. More, more, more... For the hundredth time, I realized that I needed to do something, act outside the home. I very quickly, with my hands shaking with excitement, put on a blouse and a light jacket.
I ran out of the house and started looking for a taxi. As luck would have it, he was nowhere to be found. At that moment I thought that it’s very bad when you don’t have your own car. It started to rain. Of course, I didn’t run for my big umbrella. The rain from the eyes was an echo of heavenly drops. They pushed me to catch a car, not paying attention to whether it was a taxi or not.
For about fifteen minutes no one cared about me. I wanted to disappear into the traffic. My heart beat so fast, as if it didn’t have enough space in my restless chest. I felt something was about to happen. But I was so helpless and powerless.
Soon, surprisingly, a car stopped near me. I didn’t care that it wasn’t a passenger car. It was important for me to have time... As we drove, I cursed all the traffic lights that stopped us on the way: every moment was priceless.
I couldn't make it in time... I knew, but I didn’t want to believe in this horror. He was in a bloody bathtub. By cutting his veins, he wanted to prove that life for him is nothing without the one who now lives with another.
Just as we arrived at his very entrance, I noticed an ambulance and several doctors who were carrying someone’s poor body on a stretcher. No…. He?! For what? I don’t know how, but I managed to go with them. It was the first time I prayed. I was so scared that my soul was stabbed with every breath I took. Thoughts said: “Just don’t die, my love, I beg you.” But he didn't hear me. He already understood in advance that death was the only cure for the torment, which seemed increasingly unbearable and acute.
We arrived quickly, but speed could not save him. He himself did not fight for life. She was of no use to him. If only he knew how important it was to me that he breathes and lives. He left before my eyes, in my arms. Never regaining consciousness. And I was so looking forward to the flutter of his fluffy eyelashes, his radiant smile... They disappeared somewhere along with him.
Seas and oceans of tears turned all my clothes into a melted iceberg. I would have undressed, but I didn’t want those glances staring at me. In general, I wanted to fly after him to heaven and take him back to be next to him.
How to live with what is in your heart now? I've been around for several years now. My existence is hell. My thoughts are a sharp knife, foreshadowing millions of dangers. I wanted to kill this witch. But I understood: they would meet there. I didn't want to meet them.
I smoked cigarettes. They're tired of me. And I, slowly swallowing cigarette smoke, dreamed of death. Where is she, the woman dressed in black? For some reason, she was in no hurry to follow me. Someone needed my presence on earth. I hate women! Apparently, the death woman was afraid of my hatred and avoided me.
I thought that a dream could understand me. I often visited him. But he still didn’t understand me. Why did he reward me with insomnia? I had to swallow sleeping pills and valerian in batches. This was the only thing that helped me immerse myself in the realm of dreams. And then - not for long.
Food is there too. There was no appetite. But I wanted bulimia to visit me. Nobody visited me. And all I could do was hug the pillow, incredibly wet with sadness. The pillow was sad along with me. However, unlike me, she remained soft. And I became hard, like a rock or cobblestone.
I heard voices calling me into the distance. But I didn’t need any money. I wanted to go to him so much. I even had the thought that it was worth doing to myself the same way as my loved one did. I chickened out. I didn't have the courage. Wow... I've overestimated myself so much all these years. It seemed to me that I could do anything. It was correctly noted: it seemed.
If only he knew how hard it is for me without him. All the same, he probably would have done what he planned. I don't blame him. But I'm surprised that he didn't think about his parents. He loved them very much. I only talked about them when we saw each other. And he only said good things. The worst thing is that he was the only son of his parents. His younger brother died of some illness. I don't know exactly which one. I didn’t go into details so as not to inadvertently touch a nerve.
Flashes in my memory of everything that is connected with him. Flashes without stopping. I don't want it to end. I enjoy the fact that he is so close, even though he is so incredibly far away. I want him back so bad... I asked the angels to lower me a ladder from heaven itself. I would walk along it and reach the boy whom I loved and love with all my heart. But the angels are against it. They need him too. They say that people who commit suicide cannot go to heaven. Their place is in hellfire. But, I’m sure that my poor fellow turned out to be the lucky one, and that’s where he is now.
