These women are no different from us. They live and work among us.
They can be beautiful, successful, rich...
And walking down the street you will not be able to pick her out from the crowd and will not see any obvious signs indicating the role of a “mother-wife”. And, perhaps, even after talking, you won’t notice anything so unusual... and yet I want to say again - “they exist!”
These girls come from families where:
- the woman acts as the keeper of the hearth and the breadwinner in one person, and the man plays the role of a “quiet, non-conflict male.” In such a family, the distorted style of the entire family structure is unwittingly shown. No, don’t think so, the man in these families also has more or less some kind of voice, but the final decision is “heard” by the mother. Not so - MOM!;
- there is an anamnesis (history) of an alcoholic family. In such difficult conditions, it is difficult to learn real family values, so these children early “make a decision - “I do everything MYSELF!”, “Only I can handle it!”, “Everything is only in my (and only my) hands”...
- families where there are no men. In psychology there is such a term “Matryoshka Family”. In each generation there remain one, two, three or more women who either live together or communicate closely without having men. Men simply don’t stay there. This is how a grandmother can live who lost her husband early, but who gave birth to and raised a daughter on her own (who put her own life on the line and told her daughter that “I didn’t get married again for your sake”). The daughter, living with her mother (how could she leave her mother here alone? She laid down her life!), experiencing feelings of guilt, was ultimately unable to build a trusting relationship with the opposite sex. She gives birth to a daughter in the same way (symbolically, right?) and so the third generation of women continues.
Sometimes little girls grow up and leave the Matryoshka House and get married, but they still cannot build psychologically healthy relationships with men. Their relationships are ambivalent (two extremes) or they become “daughter-wives” or “mother-wives.”
Getting out of these roles requires deep analysis and awareness.
- and various other reasons...
Some traits of a “mother-wife” in a relationship with a man can be compared to breastfeeding.
* every time a woman is ready to invest in a man like in a child, sacrificing something.
Most often - with your life. Quality of life!
When we invest in children, children reflect this and thank us.
When we “feed breast milk to an adult man,” he becomes hungrier and hungrier. More and more milk is needed!
* men next to such a woman are hungry! Hungry for everything: energy, resources, strength, ideas!
* men are helpless, weak, not independent - like newborns, only in an adult body.
Some of them, for example, spend months looking for work, while women are hunters (2-3 jobs) without investing in household chores.
Some people have been “feeding breakfast” for a long period of time, so that tomorrow there will be more money (if it works), while you are feeding him real breakfast and YOURSELF (you regret it, take on commercial services yourself, continue to prepare delicious hearty lunches despite what. And if you suddenly buck, they will make you feel guilty. And these women already have a lot of guilt).
Remember the film "The Princess on the Beans" with Zhigunov? A wonderful illustration of this family.
Do you want to find the prince?! - Become a princess! Queen!, and not a dairy mother-nanny.
* a particularly interesting point is that the woman is LOOKING for someone to feed. She needs a good consumer of her milk!.
So they choose (unconsciously) exactly the type of man with whom they SHOULD BE in the role of “mother”. They do not know any other, equal partnerships. No one told them about them or showed them...
Do you recognize yourself?
Happens. There is a way out.
1. Understanding and monitoring your attempts to “feed” an adult man is already half the way. You are a woman, not a mother to your husband. The man already has a mother, she gave birth to him, raised him and contributed something to him!
Therefore, if you feel that a man has sat on your neck (literally and figuratively), then think about HOW he FOUND his way to your neck! Didn't you point it out to him?
2. Stop complaining about your man. Yes, he can be weak, dependent, Always-Where-Forgetting and absent-minded. Yes he is! And with you, he may not need to be different - YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM. Maybe you should look at yourself and stop?
3. Work with your fears!
LitGalla
In Central Africa there is a tribe of Aka pygmies (about 20 thousand people). While mom hunts, dad breastfeeds the baby. And vice versa.
In literature - from the Talmud to classical novels - there are descriptions of men breastfeeding a child. For example, in Anna Karenina there is a short story about a child who sucked the breast of an Englishman whose wife died. And we have every reason to believe that this is possible.
In their 1896 book Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine, Dr. George Gould and Dr. Walter Pyle give several examples of men who breastfed their children. Reported cases include the story of a sailor who put a baby to his chest to stop it from crying, and as a result, it began to produce milk. Or the story of the South American farmer who breastfed his child when his wife fell ill, or the story of the Chippewa man who began breastfeeding the baby when his wife died and was able to feed the child as a result.
Back in 1896, in the catalog “Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine,” George Gould and Walter Pyle cited several eyewitness-confirmed cases of a man feeding a child. Among them was a 32-year-old South American dad who was seen by the German naturalist Alexander von Humboldt. This dad, due to his wife’s illness, acted as a wet nurse for five months. The directory contains information about male missionaries. While in Brazil, they were forced to breastfeed their newborns on their own because their wives became ill and lost milk.
But here is a story that many probably still remember. On November 1, 2002, FrancePress published a brief report about 38-year-old B. Wijeratne from Sri Lanka, who was breastfeeding his two daughters during their infancy after his wife died during her second birth. Wijeratne tried to feed the babies powdered milk, but they just cried. Then, in desperation, the man began to put the girls to his chest. They immediately fell silent and began to suck. And soon Wijeratne began to produce milk.
Explorer and traveler David Livingstone (1813-1873) describes a similar incident that occurred in Scotland. The nursing mother died, and her husband began to put his son to his chest. To the surprise of those around him, the father was soon able to feed the baby himself.
For the sake of a career
In a 1995 article for Discover magazine entitled "Daddy's Milk," Pulitzer Prize-winning physiologist Jud Diamond wrote that nipple stimulation can also lead to the appearance of prolactin. Such cases were seen during World War II among prisoners of Nazi concentration camps and Japanese prisoner of war camps. And our contemporary Laura Shanley claims that a man can induce lactation even through self-hypnosis. Her common-law husband David said that he would feed the child himself, and within a week his chest became swollen and milk began to ooze from his nipples.
Males of many mammal species have the potential for lactation (bulls, goats, dogs, wolves, lions, gibbons). Diamond points out that male lactation could be a social benefit in modern times. Indeed, today many nursing mothers are forced to sacrifice their careers for the sake of their families.
So similar!
Up to a certain age, boys and girls resemble each other in many ways. And only during puberty their body changes significantly - under the influence of hormones. This means that genetically, women should retain some remnants of the channels that excrete sperm, and men, those that excrete milk. They have the tissues necessary for this at a young age, but then gradually disappear. In case of need, it turns out that they can “resurrect.”
Let us not forget that in a person a huge role is played by thought, feeling, and a strong desire to help a loved one. And although men do not have a developed bust, they are still able to help the baby in emergency circumstances.
Of course, in order for a person to breastfeed, these glands must first be activated. In women, this process usually occurs during pregnancy, when the pituitary gland in the brain begins to produce large amounts of the hormone prolactin, which prepares the breasts for milk production.
All men secrete small amounts of prolactin throughout their lives. For example, prolactin is released after orgasm and may be associated with feelings of satisfaction and relaxation after sex.
So dads, current and future, take note of this: what if it comes in handy someday?..
If you dream of a man with bare chest, this indicates that you need another sexual partner.
If your chest is hairy, in reality you will have to prove your innocence in a matter to which you are indirectly related.
Bare breasts indicate your caring attitude towards one of your colleagues; you must carefully protect your reputation and not give any reason to suspect you of this.
Seeing a chest with a gaping wound in a dream foretells that some kind of trouble is threatening you.
Seeing your breasts means that in reality you will be disappointed in love because of many rivals.
If the breasts are white and full, good luck and happiness will soon visit you.
Firm female breasts are a sign of disadvantage; shrunken and wrinkled breasts are a sign of marital fidelity.
Seeing a woman in a dream whose one of her breasts is cut off means treason; without breasts at all - to quarrels with your husband.
Baring your breasts in front of a man in a dream foreshadows yielding to persistent advances. If in a dream a man caresses your breasts, in reality you will commit an immoral act.
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Yes, they can. In their 1896 book Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine, Dr. George Gould and Dr. Walter Pyle give several examples of men who breastfed their children. Reported cases include the story of a sailor who put a baby to his chest to stop it from crying, causing it to start producing milk. Or the story of the South American farmer who breastfed his child when his wife fell ill, or the story of the Chippewa man who began breastfeeding the baby when his wife died and was able to feed the child as a result.
And in our time you can find similar examples. In 2002, a Sri Lankan man, B. Wijeratne, lost his wife and was left with an 18-month-old daughter in his arms. The baby refused to drink formula, so Wijeratne decided to try feeding himself. “I couldn’t bear to see her cry anymore and offered my own breast,” Wijeratne told a local newspaper. "That's how I found out I could breastfeed."
Wijeratne's case is not unique. Theoretically, all men can breastfeed because they have two necessary conditions for lactation - the mammary glands and the pituitary gland. Mammary glands, which produce milk, are present in all mammals regardless of gender and are their defining characteristic. In some species, such as mice, the male mammary glands are so underdeveloped that they cannot function. However, all people, regardless of gender, have fully formed mammary glands, milk ducts and nipples.
Of course, in order for a person to breastfeed, these glands must first be activated. In women, this process usually occurs during pregnancy, when the pituitary gland in the brain begins to produce large amounts of the hormone prolactin, which prepares the breasts for milk production.
All men secrete small amounts of prolactin throughout their lives. For example, prolactin is released after orgasm and may be associated with feelings of satisfaction and relaxation after sex. It's just that men usually have too little prolactin to allow them to breastfeed.
However, under certain psychological circumstances, the brain may require the body to begin producing this hormone. This happens, for example, to mothers of adopted babies who suddenly discover that they can breastfeed. And as the cases described by Dr. Gould and Dr. Pyle demonstrate, the same thing can happen to men in similar circumstances.
And more material:
In early September 2009, the Swedish newspaper The Local reported on a 26-year-old guy named Ragnar Bengtsson, who decided to test for himself whether the male body can produce breast milk. In other words, can a man breastfeed his children if necessary? Don’t rush to frown in disgust, let’s take a closer look at the problem.
“If the experiment is successful,” Ragnar told reporters, “it will help men become much closer to their baby.” In addition, it will be possible to breastfeed a child if a young mother, for example, gets sick or, God forbid, died.
Ragnar even created his own blog on the Internet, which includes a documentary called "Breastfeeding Man: One Drop at a Time."
How does Ragnar do this? He takes a breast pump, applies it to his nipple and within a few minutes performs the same manipulations as a nursing mother. Three hours later - repeats. And since he is a full-time student at the Faculty of Economics at Stockholm University, he says that over the next few months he will have to use suction not only at home, but, if necessary, also in the classroom during classes.
“If I start lactation, and the milk is no worse than women’s, it will be a major achievement,” said Ragnar.
But is the male body adapted for the process of lactation? Many people think that this is unnatural! But experts say that a man may well become a nursing father, but only after he starts taking special hormones. However, Ragnar is not going to use medications in his experiment. He believes that constantly pumping his breasts may increase the level of estrogen in his body.
Still, the most a man can hope for is a few drops of milk per hour, experts say.
He is considered abnormal
Ragnar began his experiment on September 1, 2009 and intends to continue it until early December. On September 2, it was shown on one of the most popular shows on Swedish television. After the broadcast, debates began throughout the country and abroad. Particularly heated debate was caused by Ragnar's intention to stimulate lactation publicly - in a university classroom.
“If it bothers someone, that’s their problem,” he said decisively.
Be that as it may, not everyone welcomes the daring of the future dad.
“There were many cases of harsh criticism against me,” says Ragnar. - Some people think I'm crazy.
Warmth and comfort
At the very beginning of development, the human embryo has no gender - future boys and girls have the same structure. And only after six weeks the male Y chromosome comes into play, that is, differences characteristic of a boy are formed. But by this time the future little man already has papillae.
Sigbritt Werner, a professor of endocrinology at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, believes that Bengtsson may be able to achieve something in three or four months.
-Women breastfeed after they've been bathed in estrogen for nine months of pregnancy. Thus, it takes time for lactation to begin. But if Ragnar works on this regularly, he may be able to ensure that his body begins to produce prolactin, the hormone responsible for the secretion of colostrum, she said. But at the same time she emphasized that a man can give a breast to a baby not only to feed him, but also to simply calm him down.
“If the mother is gone and the child is crying, the father may well put the child to the breast,” says Dr. Werner.
- After all, breastfeeding not only feeds, but with its help gives the baby a feeling of warmth and comfort.
Strange family
By the way, on June 30, 2009, the Swedish press talked about the original married couple. These young parents have a two-year-old child. So, in this family it is believed that the division of people by gender is a purely social phenomenon. That's why mom and dad still don't tell anyone whether they're having a boy or a girl. A child and that's it! They call him (or her) Pop, but this is not a real, but a conventional name for a baby who has trousers and a dress in his closet, and the child chooses what to wear.
“We want our child to grow up truly free,” the baby’s 24-year-old mother told the Svenska Dagbladet newspaper. - Only the one who changes the baby's diapers knows what gender he is - male or female. But bringing a child into the world with a defined gender once and for all is cruel.
A very strange position. Psychologist Susan Pinker believes that such an experiment is dangerous: if we hide basic things from children, this subsequently affects the parents themselves
- either in the form of a psychosomatic illness of the child, or in the form of his protest behavior. But Christina Henkel, a consultant on issues of gender equality, argues that there are too many stereotypes in society: a boy is initially supposed to be considered more masculine just because he is a boy. And if this is something vague, “neuter”, then the child will be treated as an individual, and not as a boy or girl.
What can you say about this? There is only one thing - it is better to experiment on yourself, and not on a defenseless child.
Nursing... fathers
But let's return to our topic. In Central Africa there is a tribe of Aka pygmies (about 20 thousand people). While mom hunts, dad breastfeeds the baby. And vice versa.
In literature - from the Talmud to classical novels - there are descriptions of men breastfeeding a child. For example, in Anna Karenina there is a short story about a child suckling the breast of an Englishman whose wife died. And we have every reason to believe that this is possible.
Back in 1896, in the catalog “Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine,” George Gulda and Walter Pyle cited several eyewitness-confirmed cases of a man feeding a child. Among them was a 32-year-old South American dad who was seen by the German naturalist Alexander von Humboldt. This dad, due to his wife’s illness, acted as a wet nurse for five months. The directory contains information about male missionaries. While in Brazil, they were forced to breastfeed their newborns on their own because their wives became ill and lost milk.
But here is a story that many probably still remember. On November 1, 2002, FrancePress published a brief report about 38-year-old B. Wijeratne from Sri Lanka, who was breastfeeding his two daughters during their infancy after his wife died during her second birth. Wijeratne tried to feed the babies powdered milk, but they just cried. Then, in desperation, the man began to put the girls to his chest. They immediately fell silent and began to suck. And soon Wijeratne began to produce milk.
Explorer and traveler David Livingstone (1813-1873) describes a similar incident that occurred in Scotland. The nursing mother died, and her husband began to put his son to his chest. To the surprise of those around him, the father was soon able to feed the baby himself.
For the sake of a career
In a 1995 article for Discover magazine entitled “Father's Milk,” Pulitzer Prize-winning physiologist Jud Diamond wrote that prolactin could be caused by nipple stimulation, hormonal imbalance, or fasting. Such cases were seen during World War II among prisoners of Nazi concentration camps and Japanese prisoner of war camps. And our contemporary Laura Shanley claims that a man can induce lactation even through self-hypnosis. Her common-law husband David said that he would feed the child himself, and within a week his chest became swollen and milk began to ooze from his nipples.
Males of many mammal species have the potential for lactation (bulls, goats, dogs, wolves, lions, gibbons). Diamond points out that male lactation could be a social benefit in modern times. Indeed, today many nursing mothers are forced to sacrifice their careers for the sake of their families.
So similar!
Up to a certain age, boys and girls resemble each other in many ways. And only during puberty their body changes significantly - under the influence of hormones. This means that genetically, women should retain some remnants of the channels that remove sperm, and men - those that remove milk. They have the tissues necessary for this at a young age, but then gradually disappear. In case of urgent need, it turns out that they can “resurrect.”
Let us not forget that in a person a huge role is played by thought, feeling, and a strong desire to help a loved one. And although men do not have a developed bust, they are still able to help the baby in emergency circumstances.
So dads, current and future, take note of this: what if it comes in handy someday?..
Evgeny Tokarev,
"Secrets of the 20th Century", No. 41/2009
On my own behalf, I can add that I heard about a case from this series back in the 80s - although it was not in Russia, Soviet newspapers wrote about it. Actually, this memory prompted Az to search on the Internet about the topic.
2012-12-08 16:01:34
Oksana asks:
Hello. From the age of 17, I was friends with a man 15 years older than me. Of course there was sex and unplanned pregnancies. And no matter how much I resisted, it all led to abortions and enormous stress. At one of these moments of an unplanned pregnancy, I noticed a clear, yellowish discharge from my breasts that ran a little like water. I didn't notice anything else like that. From now on I am now 30 years old. In 2009, I finally gave birth to my baby and breastfed for 2 years. At the end of feeding, in the fall, it was necessary to wean... I didn’t overstretch and didn’t take pills so that the milk would go away. There was very little milk by that time; it almost never came. Exactly a year ago, I began to feel unwell. I was choked by a strange feeling in my throat, then there was swelling, the extra weight of 25 kg remained. I went for an ultrasound of the thyroid gland for the first time in my life. They found a 2 cm node with a cyst. They sent me for TSH and c-peptide tests, all tests were normal, free T4 was low. Then both breasts begin to hurt. I reflexively press on the nipple, as if pumping, and a black-green thick liquid comes out. After that come tiny droplets of breast milk and colostrum.
I ran to the mammologist, they prescribed an ultrasound - there were a lot of brushes in both breasts, constant aching silent pains were shooting in the armpits, like the arrival of milk. They also prescribed a prolactin test, but I started having delays in my periods a year after breastfeeding, my cycle was always like clockwork. I had to take a prolactin test, but I still didn’t have my period, I had brown discharge for 3-4 days. I go for a puncture of the cyst of the Thyroid Gland node, I leave the clinic after this procedure, my periods suddenly started, the next morning I run to take prolactin. It turned out from the moment of “smearing” 3-5 days. Everything is normal. Prescribed to drink mastodinone and endocrinol. I’m feeling a little better. My periods are restored, without any smudging, they immediately start in 27 days, just as they did for 2 years before the birth and birth. But there is discharge from the breasts, you can’t see it on the bra, but when you press it, it’s there in the same vein: green-black, there’s a little colostrum and milk. And this all increases during the period of ovulation. I haven't been to the doctor since April. I drank Mastodinon at the wrong time and not the whole pack. I drank a lot of endocrinol, 4 packs. Now I should go to an appointment, again for a thyroid puncture, what other tests would you recommend I take? Can I do a head examination?
Answers Demisheva Inna Vladimirovna:
None for now, continue taking Mastodinone and add Cyclodinone or Dysmenorm to it for another 3 months.
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