What to do if the child does not listen. Advice from a psychologist: what to do if your child doesn’t want to do his homework What to do if your son doesn’t listen

As you know, a person is formed in childhood, from where habits, habits, and character are subsequently transferred into adulthood, affecting the state of his life. The formation and development of personality is always a difficult process, which is necessarily accompanied by protest on the part of the child. Often one of the forms of children's protest is disobedience. In such situations or even periods, many parents do not know how to behave correctly. The result is a lack of understanding between generations, which is growing more and more each time. To avoid such tragic consequences, it is advisable for parents to understand the reason for the child’s disobedience. After all, the solution to any problem lies in its origins.

Does your baby not want to wear anything? Doesn't he outright refuse to wash his hands before eating? When you say: "No" / "You can't"- throws things and gets angry. Pulls the cat's tail after you say it hurts. Licks the handrails on the bus. And then your patience comes to an end. You have already gone through the entire arsenal: you banned, joked, distracted - nothing helps. What to do when a child behaves unbearably and does not obey...

Reasons for children's disobedience

The main factors that can provoke a child to disobey include:

1. Age crisis

In psychological practice, there are several periods of age-related crisis: one year, preschool, adolescence/adolescence.

Time frames can be set on an individual basis. However, it is precisely with the onset of age-related crisis periods that significant changes occur in a child’s life. For example, at one year old he begins to walk actively, learns independence and explores the world with interest. For reasons of children's safety, parents introduce various restrictions into the exciting process, thus provoking protest from the child.

We also read: How to properly get through the crisis periods of childhood and adolescence and cultivate confidence and independence in a child.

2. A large number of requirements and restrictions

Restrictions and prohibitions provide maximum benefit only in moderation. When a child is always forbidden to do everything, he begins to rebel. If very often a child hears “NO”, this causes him to protest and disobey. As an experiment, you can count the number of times the word “no” is said over the course of an hour or a whole day. If the indicators are off the charts, then it makes sense to extend restrictions only to those actions of the child that could be potentially dangerous for him: playing on the road, playing with medications or electrical appliances. But you shouldn’t constantly prohibit your baby from playing noisily, running, or even throwing toys around.

3. Lack of parent sequence

When parents turn a blind eye to their children’s petty pranks, the children consider their behavior to be normal. But if you suddenly have, for example, a headache, some troubles and problems at work, had a hard day, stressful situations, lost your mood - parents punish the child for behavior that has always been considered “normal.” Then the child is at a loss, a conflict occurs that arises due to a misunderstanding of the reason for the punishment. With regular repetition of such situations, internal conflict begins to express itself as disobedience.

4. Permissiveness

In this case, all restrictions and prohibitions are lifted, and the child is absolutely free in his actions and words. The parents are happy, because the child is allowed everything, every whim is satisfied and the child has a “happy childhood.” But such an idyll continues until a certain point, when it becomes clear that the child is uncontrollable. Then all attempts to instill in him the norms of correct and respectful attitude come down to his disobedience, because the child is already spoiled.

5. Inconsistency between words and actions

On a subconscious level, children always repeat the behavior of their parents, the features of which can be the main reason for children's disobedience, because This is hidden precisely in the behavior of parents. A striking example is the lack of fulfillment of promises, in particular, punishments, which results in ignoring parental words due to a frivolous attitude towards them. Or you may promise to reward your child with something for good behavior, but you don’t keep your promises. So why listen to you then, you will deceive anyway.

6. Different requirements of family members

When one of the parents makes high demands on the child, and the other slowly pities and pampers him, one of them loses authority in the children’s eyes, which is expressed in a lack of obedience. Such a conflict is typical between parents (mom and dad: for example, dad makes more severe demands on the child, and mom secretly pities and sympathizes with the baby, spoils him. In such cases, dad can be listened to and respected, at least for appearances, but mom doesn’t have to be listened to. Or, on the contrary, you need to obey your mother, she will always protect you, but you don’t have to protect your father. In any case, a compassionate mother will stand up for this tyrant.) and grandparents, the latter of whom tend to spoil their beloved grandchildren and then the parents suffer.

7. Lack of respect for the child

In this case, disobedience is more of a protest against injustice and your disrespect. When parents are unwilling to listen and hear their child, as well as their complete confidence that the child should not have his own opinion, a protest arises from the child’s side. It is important to remember that a child is a person, and he always has an opinion about everything in the world, even the most insignificant. In this case, at a minimum, you need to pay attention to this.

8. Frequent family conflicts, divorce

Many parents, in clarifying their attitudes and solving various problems, forget to pay enough attention to their child. As a rule, switching to the child occurs due to his mischief and pranks only in order to punish, after which the baby again fades into the background. Over time, this all leads to childish disobedience as a way to attract attention.

As for divorce, it is very stressful for every child. The realization comes that now communication with parents will take place separately. Then the child begins to practice defiant behavior, because when he does something, the parents can temporarily combine their educational efforts, which is exactly what he needs.

Video consultation: What to do when a child does not listen?

Teacher of the Voronezh Waldorf school "Rainbow", 7th grade teacher Anastasia Vladimirovna Eliseeva answers parents' questions.

How to achieve obedience?

Whatever the reason for children's disobedience, it is important to fight it. Namely:

1. Balance the amount of punishment and praise: For a serious offense, a child must be punished, but one should also not forget about praise.
2. Watch how you express your prohibition and how you react to your child’s misbehavior. It is better to replace shouting and categoricalness with a calm tone. At the same time, you should not be ashamed of your feelings, frankly telling the child what exactly upsets you and to what extent. “Son, I'm so upset with your behavior.”- believe me, the child will behave completely differently.
3. Use alternative ways to attract children's attention to your words. When a child is very passionate about an activity, it can be difficult to get him to switch to something else. Alternatively, you can address him in a whisper (also use facial expressions and gestures). The child will immediately notice a change in the volume of speech and begin to listen to what happened.
4. Don't voice your requests too many times. , since the child will get used to repeated repetitions, and the reaction on his part will begin only after the repetition, followed by punishment. To avoid this, it is advisable to develop a certain algorithm of actions: the first warning should be aimed at stimulating the child to stop his actions without punishment; second, if he ignored the remark, punishment should follow; After punishment, it is important to explain to the child the reason why he was punished. If this algorithm is strictly followed, the child’s subconscious will begin to react to the first remark made.
5. When communicating with your child, you must avoid using the particle “NOT”: Often in response to your requests: “don’t run”, “don’t jump”, “don’t shout” the child does the opposite. Don’t think or worry that your child is doing it to spite you, it’s just that the human psyche, and especially the child’s, is designed in such a way that phrases with a negative semantic connotation are omitted during perception. For this reason, it is advisable to replace the negative particle with alternative phrases.
6. When a child protests in the form of a tantrum, try to calm down and not pay attention to it. When the child calms down, you should explain your request or requirements again, using a calm tone. An excellent option is a distraction maneuver, when children's attention switches to a more entertaining activity or subject. For example, a child expresses a desire to eat food on his own, but all his attempts end in failure, since most of the food ends up on the floor. When adults try to feed the baby, protests, hysterics and disobedience begin. Then you can switch the child’s attention to the doll, which the child must feed. He will probably like this idea. And at this time it becomes possible to feed the baby.
7. It is always necessary to maintain consistency in words, actions, demands and deeds. In case of the slightest discrepancy, the child will stop obeying, but not out of harm, as it may seem, but the cause of disobedience will be his confusion. To achieve the most positive outcome, all family members must agree on consistency.
8. Give your child enough attention despite being busy and having various problems. In this case, we are not talking about the amount of time spent together. Its quality is important. Even half an hour of interesting time together with a child cannot compare with a whole day of unproductive communication.
9. Treat children's growing up with understanding. It is the period of growing up that most often causes disobedience. Often, under the influence of friends, a growing teenager shows his “coolness”. In this way, the child tries to express himself and prove his independence. Here it is important to choose the right approach to the child without losing authority and trust in his eyes.
10. If you lose a child's trust and respect, you should try to regain it. There is no need to delve into the child’s soul; it is enough to show interest in his life. It may turn out that the music he listens to is not as terrible as it seems, and modern literature may also have deep philosophical meaning. In the process of communication, it will become clear that there are many topics for conversation where tastes and opinions converge.

Consultation with Yana Kataeva (specialist in relations with families after the birth of children): what to do if the child does not listen - 5 tips for parents. Strengthen your connection with your child

How to restore contact with your child?

Continuing the theme of parental rapprochement with the child, it is worth highlighting several important points that make mutual mental and emotional contact with the child possible:

1. Trusting relationships play an important role in children’s obedience, the result of which is the child’s understanding that parents are so far better able to cope with problems. The advantage of such a relationship, as opposed to unconditional submission, is the ability of the child to ask questions that interest him without fear of angering his parents. Parents, in turn, should ask counter questions, making it clear that the problem can be solved in several ways: “What do you think is the best thing to do? Can I count on your help? Can I ask you to do this?
2. If you want to ask your child for an important request, you should not forget about physical contact with him: you can hug, kiss, stroke him. This will be better than repeatedly shouting your request to him across the room. Through touch, the child realizes mutual interest in fulfilling the request. This is a way to say: “We are together, and this is the main thing. What I tell you will not break our contact. I only hope to strengthen it. The most important thing is the relationship, not the desire of each of us.”
3. It is equally important to maintain trusting eye contact with the child. In the presence of sudden movements and a stern look, the child subconsciously begins to defend himself, perceiving any request as a threat and a desire to put psychological pressure on him, and will perceive a request to fulfill something as an ultimatum.
4. If you want your child to constantly and obediently fulfill your requests, it is extremely important to thank him for the next task completed or service rendered. Words of gratitude will strengthen the child’s belief that he is loved and that improving relationships depends on him. Children value moral and psychological encouragement much more than sweets. This will create an incentive to work. We also read:
5. The child must understand that in especially urgent cases, when there is a threat to the safety of the family, all its members must unquestioningly obey the elder. To do this, the baby must be aware of possible problems. He should be delicately explained that strict adherence to the rules is the basis for saving lives and health of people. At the same time, we can mention the possibility of negotiating with parents. It will not be superfluous if the child is convinced of the parents’ readiness to obey him in special cases.

Situations

Any theory must always be supported by practice. In this case, for clarity and a kind of “practical guide” for parents, it makes sense to consider and analyze the following situations:

Situation 1. What age is most characteristic of children's disobedience? When is the so-called starting point expected? Is disobedience typical for a one-year-old child?

In this case, everything is purely individual, and everyone’s “reference points” can begin at different age periods. Kids can throw tantrums even at 2 years old, or even at 5 years old they may not know that there is such a way to get their way. The environment and people with whom the baby is surrounded have a great influence. He may begin to imitate a cartoon character or a peer who orders tantrums from his parents, after which he will begin to experiment on his own. In such a situation, the main rule is no indulgence to whims. Otherwise, this behavior will become a habit in the child.

It’s a different matter when disobedience manifests itself in the validity of the child’s demands. For example, he expresses a desire to dress, put on shoes, or eat on his own. As a result of the fact that he is not allowed to do this, the child begins to become hysterical. And he is right about this. But if the hysteria has already begun, then whether he is right or wrong, still show firmness, he will have to come to terms with the fact that nothing can be achieved by screaming and tears. And you draw a conclusion for the future and do not provoke such situations again.

Situation 2. Disobedience and behavior problems can also occur in 2-year-old children. What is the reason for disobedience at this age? Why doesn't a child respond to adults' requests? And what to do in such cases?

According to experts, it is at the age of 2 that children begin to develop a personality, and by the age of 3 it is already almost fully formed. For this reason, at this age, as mentioned above, you should not indulge children’s whims, otherwise it will be too late later.

It is also worth considering that the same child can behave differently with different educators. It's all about the correct presentation and communication with the baby. Perhaps you have noticed this in your family - the child does not obey his mother, but unquestioningly obeys his navel.

Situation 3. Most often, the peak of disobedience occurs at 2-4 years of age and manifests itself in frequent or even regular tantrums. What is the right thing to do if a 2-4 year old child does not obey?

This age period in children is marked by parents testing their strength and “testing” the boundaries of what is permitted. It is especially important here to be patient and persistent. To miss this period in upbringing means dooming yourself to big problems in the future with character, obedience, and relationships in the family, in general.

You can also practice sincere conversations with a child, who at this age becomes quite intelligent and understanding. Talk to your child, become an authority for him, and not just a parent.

Situation 4. At the age of 6-7 years, a child already knows the value of his actions, distinguishing between good and bad behavior, how to behave and how not. However, even at this age, some children show disobedience, only intentionally “for evil.” What are the recommendations for this age?

7 years is a kind of milestone, one of the turning points in a child’s life, when he begins to rethink and change his views on life. And this is connected with the beginning of the school period, when certain loads and demands begin. In such a situation, the best parenting tactic is praise. Moreover, warm words must be spoken even regarding minor moments. It is praise that will become a powerful incentive for which the child will try.

Situation 5. A disobedient child knows perfectly well the reaction of all family members to his misdeeds. You can often encounter a lack of mutual understanding between them, when one parent scolds and punishes, and the other regrets or cancels the punishment. How should proper upbringing be structured in the family? How to achieve unanimous resolution of conflicts?

The main thing that all family members must understand is that the child turns all disagreements to his advantage. It is important to avoid such situations, since there is a high probability of loss of authority. The child’s knowledge of the reactions of all family members allows him to manipulate them. Very often, spoiled children grow up in such families, who subsequently become uncontrollable.

During the absence of the child, it is advisable to organize a family council, where the current situation should be discussed in detail. It is important to come to a common denominator in the issue of raising a child. It is also necessary to take into account some of the tricks that children resort to: they may ask permission from one adult, but not receive consent. Then they immediately go to another - and he allows it. The result is disobedience and disrespect for mom today, which can result in the same for dad tomorrow.

We also read: A close-knit family will move a mountain, or how to overcome differences in raising a child -

You need to understand that there are no trifles in the matter of raising a child. Teachers of a kindergarten or primary school also discuss any little details for themselves, from where to change clothes for children, how to set up a table and chairs in class, in which sink boys wash their hands and in which girls, and other seemingly unimportant issues for education . But this is necessary so that the children do not later say that at Maria Ivanovna’s we are sitting wrong or at Natalya Petrovna’s we are standing wrong. There is no need to give children any reason to doubt the correctness of our demands, because everything starts with the little things. To begin with, the child simply does not understand why one says, do this, and the other says that. Questions appear, then protest, and then banal manipulation and refusal to obey at the first shaky situation.

Be sure to pay attention to children's tricks and manipulations by adults. For example, when a baby tries to ask his mother to go for a walk and receives a response like: “Do your homework first, and then go for a walk”, then goes to his father with the same request and receives permission. Today, taking advantage of his father’s thoughtless permission, he shows disobedience and disrespect for his mother’s opinion, tomorrow he will do the same to his father, and the day after tomorrow he will not ask his parents at all. Stop such manipulations and provocations of conflict in the family. Agree among yourself that in response to any requests, both of you are first interested in the opinion of the other parent; you can simply ask the child: “What did dad (/mom) say?”, and then give an answer. If there are differences of opinion, discuss them among yourself, but be sure to do so so that the child does not hear. In general, try not to sort things out in front of your child, no matter what issue your dispute concerns.

Situation 6. All mothers, without exception, are familiar with the situation when, while visiting a store together, a child asks to buy another toy or sweet. However, it is not possible to constantly please your beloved child with purchases. And then, in response to the refusal to buy the required item, the child throws a tantrum and falls to the floor in the store in hysterics. How to behave in such a situation?

There's nothing you can do, children always want something. They want the same hare as Masha’s, or the same car as Igor’s - that’s normal. Agree, we are far from all and do not always agree to understand that you should not buy a new bag, because at home there are already 33 bags in the closet, and in good condition. What do you want from a child?! So he fell to the floor, sobbing and screaming, rolling around the store - a completely normal situation, natural, I would say. And if you buy everything your child asks for now, tomorrow he will do the same and get what he wants again. Why not? It worked once!

A child’s desire for sweets or a new toy is quite natural: he doesn’t have one or he hasn’t tried it yet. You can't blame him for this. The best way out of the situation would be a serious and calm conversation with the child before visiting the store, in which it is important for him to understand the reason for the impossibility of purchasing, but do not babysit, say as with an adult: “There is no money, you still need to earn it. And they already bought you a toy this month” - and so on, calmly and confidently. If the conversation did not lead to the desired results, and the child still threw a tantrum in the store, pick him up and calmly, without screaming or spanking, take him home. Don’t pay attention to passers-by, believe me, they see this quite often, you won’t surprise them with anything.

Situation 7. Requests, persuasion, reasons and arguments do not have the desired effect on the child - the child does not listen. What is the reason for this behavior? What mistakes do parents make?

There are three most important, most common, most harmful mistakes made by parents:

1. Follow the child's lead. Yes, of course, every child is an individual, but you need to understand the limits of what is permitted, you need to be aware of what this will lead to later.
2. Discussion of various points and behavior in front of the child. If you are discussing, it means there are disagreements - the child should not even suspect about them!
3. Shouting at a child. Yelling is not only stupid, ugly, and a bad role model, but it is also ineffective.

Disobedience and punishment

When it comes to punishment for incorrect behavior, it is important to consider two rules:

1. It is necessary to be aware of your actions, their reasons, and also think about the thoughts of the child, who must feel the justice of the punishment. In similar situations, you cannot act in two ways, relying only on your mood or other factors (for example, today you are in a good mood and did not pay attention to the child’s misconduct, and tomorrow you were punished for the same offense).
2. In serious situations, the child must clearly understand the validity of the parents’ actions. If the baby does not obey, punishment is a completely natural result. It will be exactly as the parents said (preferably in a calm tone).

If a child does not obey, punishment should be natural for him. This is precisely what is important to teach the baby - an understanding of the naturalness and inevitability of punishment. Life itself demonstrates examples of this. If you run a red light, you can get into an accident. Without wearing a hat, you can catch a cold. While indulging in a cup of tea, you might spill something hot on yourself, and so on.

Before punishing a child, it is necessary to explain the consequences of his pampering. You should speak in a calm, confident tone that does not tolerate objections.
Proper upbringing and formation of a child’s character is possible by observing the following principles :

• The main purpose of punishment is to deprive the child of some pleasure that is significant to him;
• The restriction must be implemented immediately and not postponed until a later time. In children, the sense of time is developed differently, and punishment carried out after a certain period of time can cause bewilderment in the child, as a result of which it is likely to harbor a grudge;
• The word “no” should be categorical and firm, not tolerating compromises, persuasion and discussions; there is no need to negotiate with the child and cancel your decision. If you follow the lead and succumb to persuasion, you can become an object of manipulation. Therefore, think before you make decisions, so that you don’t regret what you said later and don’t change your decisions on the fly. Children immediately understand that it is possible to negotiate with you, and then you yourself will not notice how your child begins to set the boundaries of behavior, not you.
• Whatever the offense, you should not raise your hand against a child. In this way, aggression and complexes can be provoked;
• Constant external control over the child should be abandoned. This is fraught with a lack of children's independence, determination, responsibility; such children are easily swayed by the opinions of others and are unable to make any serious decisions. All this then develops into adult life (among drug addicts, the majority are precisely such people, those who easily succumb to the influence of others).

A child cannot be punished in the following cases:

• during meals;
• during illness;
• after or before bedtime;
• when the child is very passionate about independent play;
• when a child wanted to please you or help you, but accidentally ruined something;
• There is absolutely no need to punish a child in front of strangers.

Be logical and consistent in your behavior when you punish a child; it should not change depending on your mood. The child must clearly understand that if he commits this offense, he will be punished. If you let him get away with bad behavior today because you're in a good mood and don't want to ruin it, be prepared for him to do it again tomorrow. But if this time you punish him, he will either not understand what happened, why you are doing it, or will draw the wrong conclusions. That is why children often do not admit to what they have done, waiting for an opportunity when you are in a good mood to avoid punishment. You shouldn't teach your children to lie to you.

Reading materials on the topic of punishment:

To punish or not to punish a child for random offenses —

8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience —

To hit or not to hit a child - the consequences of physical punishment of children —

Why you shouldn't spank your child - 6 reasons —

Childish whim or selfishness: how is one different from the other? —

How to punish children for disobedience

8 mistakes in parenting

Often the reasons for children's disobedience are certain mistakes of parents:

1. Lack of eye contact. When a child is engrossed (playing a game or watching cartoons), it is difficult to switch his attention. However, looking into a child's eyes and voicing a request can work wonders.
2. You set difficult tasks for your child. You should not ask your child to perform several tasks at once. This way he will only get confused and end up doing nothing. It is advisable to divide your request into simple and small steps.
3. You formulate your thoughts unclearly. When you see that a child is playing around (throwing toys), do not ask him how long he will continue to throw his toys! The baby will understand everything literally, so it’s better to say, for example: “Stop throwing toys around!”
4. you talk a lot. All requirements must be concise using simple and short sentences. If the child is playing around, you need to say “You can’t do that!”, and then try to distract the child.
5. Don't raise your voice. Screaming will only make the situation worse. The child will continue to misbehave on the sly due to fear of screaming. Be consistent in your decisions and behave calmly!
6. You are expecting a quick response. Children under 6 years of age need time to comprehend (hear and comply with a request) and complete the task.
7. You repeat repeatedly like a parrot. The child must independently acquire some skills. And the constant repetition of what he needs to do will turn him into a lack of initiative. Children have a well-developed visual memory, so various reminder pictures will be very helpful!
8. Simultaneous demand and denial. The particle "not" should not be used. Requests with the prefix “not” have the opposite effect on the child, because “not” is missed by the baby’s perception. It is best to replace it with alternative phrases. For example: “Don’t get into the puddle” to alternative options, for example: “Let’s go around this puddle on the grass!”

Stories

The child’s personality, as well as the degree of his obedience, are determined by the parenting style that is practiced in the family:

1. Authoritarian (active suppression of the child’s will). It consists of suppressing the child’s will, when the child does and thinks only in accordance with the parent’s wishes. The child is literally being “trained”
2. Democratic. It assumes the child’s right to vote, as well as his involvement in various activities related to the family. Although some things are not discussed because they are not the responsibility of the child, the main format of communication between parent and child is not orders, but a meeting.
3. Mixed. Characterized by the “carrot and stick” method. Parents sometimes tighten the screws and sometimes loosen them. Children adapt to it too, living their carefree lives from “spanking” to “spanking.” We also read:

The following stories result from some of these parenting styles:

1. Too smart

7-year-old Denis is the middle child in the family. His parents are concerned about his lack of reactions to their requests. Hearing problems were suspected, but everything turned out to be normal. Denis is the reason for the untimely seating of all family members at the table, the rush in the bathroom in the morning, as well as the lateness of his brothers and sisters to school. Even if he speaks sternly and loudly, he can calmly go about his business. Authorities have no effect on him. We had never seen strong emotions on his face, neither fear nor joy. His parents began to suspect he had serious internal disorders associated with mental and neurological problems.

According to the results of the examinations, it was revealed that Denis has a fairly high and alert intelligence. He carried on conversations with enthusiasm, told us that chess was his favorite game, and happily and intelligently told us what he had recently read. The conversation lasted more than two hours, during which Denis not only did not get tired, but his interest in everything that was happening grew. Disobedience was the result of high brain activity and a focus on internal solving more complex problems. Denisov's parents were upset because their only desire was “So that he listens and, together with other children, fulfills my requests.”

There are many reasons for children's disobedience, and at each age they are different - that is, at 2 years old, 5, 7, 8 or 9 years old, a child behaves badly due to some certain factors. Although, of course, there are also general negative preconditions, for example, permissiveness.

The question of what to do when a child does not listen at all is not uncommon. And you can’t leave the situation to chance, because often bad behavior takes extreme forms, when the baby practically gets out of hand. Let's figure it out.

The list of situations when a child behaves inappropriately is very long.

Below are 5 typical examples of child disobedience, each of which has its own prerequisites and age limits:

1. . It often happens that after repeated warnings, a two-year-old baby breaks out of his mother’s arms during a walk, grabs sharp objects, etc. Naturally, such actions are exhausting.
2. . The child responds to any mother’s demand or request with resistance, protest, etc. He doesn’t want to get dressed, sit down at the table, or return from a walk. This behavior often occurs in children as young as 3 years old and even as young as 4 years old.
3. The child disturbs others. Even at 5 years old, children can behave simply unbearably: screaming and running in public places, pushing and kicking. As a result, the mother is very ashamed of the dissatisfied looks and comments of people around her. Most often, by the age of 7, this problem completely disappears.
4. . When asked by adults to get dressed and clean their room, children respond with silence and ignoring words addressed to them. This behavior is especially typical at the age of 10 and older, when teenage rebellion begins.
5. . Such actions are more typical for younger preschool children. At 4 years old, children can loudly demand and insist on purchasing an expensive toy or some kind of sweet.

To solve such problems, there are educational techniques that are designed to make the child more obedient. But before describing them, you need to figure out why children do not obey.

Reasons for disobedience

The sources of “wrong” behavior are sometimes very easy to establish simply by analyzing the baby’s actions and your reaction to them. In other situations, the provoking factors are hidden, so the analysis should be more in-depth.

Below are the most common reasons for disobedience in children of different ages:

1. Crisis period. Psychology identifies several main crisis stages: 1 year, 3 years, 5, 7 years, 10 - 12 years (beginning of adolescence). Naturally, the boundaries are quite conditional; something else is more important - during these periods there are significant changes in the child’s personality and abilities. Both the psyche and behavior change.
2. Excessive number of prohibitions. Rebellion is a natural reaction of children of any age to restrictions. When the word “impossible” is constantly heard, a child sometimes deliberately breaks prohibitions in order to prove his independence and “annoy” his parents.
3. Inconsistency of parents. For various reasons, parents impose sanctions against the child for something that yesterday, if not encouraged, was not condemned. Naturally, he is confused and disoriented, which is expressed in disobedience.
4. Permissiveness. In such a situation, on the contrary, there are practically no restrictions. The child is allowed literally everything, since parents confuse the concepts of “happy childhood” and “carefree childhood.” The result of indulging in any whims is spoilage;
5. Disagreements in matters of education. Different requirements for a child are not uncommon. For example, fathers usually demand more from their children, while mothers show sympathy and pity. Or a conflict may arise between parents and the older generation. In any case, disobedience is a consequence of the child’s disorientation.
6. Disrespect for children's personality. Often adults are convinced that a child of 8 or 9 years old is just as “disenfranchised” as a one-year-old. They do not want to listen to his opinion, so it is not surprising that protest behavior eventually arises.
7. Conflicts in the family. Adults, figuring out their own relationships, forget about the child. And he tries to attract attention through pranks or even serious offenses. Subsequently, this turns into a habit.

There are often cases when a child’s behavior worsens after a change in family composition: divorce or the birth of a brother/sister. The main motive for disobedience in such situations is the desire to attract attention.

How to respond to disobedience?

Typical problems and reasons for children's insubordination have already been discussed. Now you need to understand what parents should do if the child does not obey.

It is worth noting that we will talk about actions that still remain within the normal range. That is, we will consider disobedience, and not deviant behavior.

A useful and relevant article in which the psychologist talks about how parental screams affect his future life.

Another important article that is devoted to the topic of physical punishment. The psychologist will explain clearly.

What to do with a child if he behaves so thoughtlessly that it threatens his health or even life? It is necessary to introduce a system of rigid boundaries that are prohibited from crossing.

A 3-year-old child, actively exploring the world, simply has no idea how dangerous it is. However, due to age characteristics, he does not understand lengthy explanations, so the system of restrictions is based on conditioned reflexive behavior.

A child, having heard a certain word, is obliged to stop purely reflexively. This is important because there is not always time to explain the current situation and the likely consequences.

For this whole structure to work, need to:

• pick up a signal word, which would mean a categorical ban. It is best not to use the word “impossible” for this purpose, since the child hears it all the time. The signals “stop”, “danger”, “prohibit” are suitable;
• demonstrate the relationship between a signal word and a negative consequence. Of course, the situation should not pose a serious danger to the child. For example, if a child pulls his finger towards a needle, you can allow him to feel the pain from the sharp one. In truly dangerous situations, you need to repeatedly pronounce the signal expression: “It is dangerous to take a knife.”, “It is dangerous to touch the stove.”;
• remove emotions. Sometimes a child of 5 years of age deliberately provokes danger so that his mother is afraid for him, and he is saturated with her emotions. That's why you shouldn't show your strong feelings when your baby behaves like this.

The introduction of categorical prohibitions should also be accompanied by a reduction in other restrictions, since otherwise there is a risk that the child will simply become confused about what can and cannot be done.

As already noted, children go through several crises, which are characterized by protest sentiments. A growing person strives for autonomy, but rarely is a parent ready to provide it at 5, 8 or 9 years old.

What should parents do in this case? Allow the child to be more independent and make decisions. Agree, you can give him the opportunity to decide what he will have for breakfast or what he will wear to school.

Such things may seem trivial to parents, but for a growing child it is a kind of pass into the adult world. He also feels that he can benefit his loved ones.

If the child insists on completing an obviously “losing” task, allow him to do it (unless, of course, this will harm the child himself). However, after an unsatisfactory result, there is no need to say, they say, I warned you, etc.

If the protest turns into hysteria, the adult should remain calm, otherwise the emotional outburst will only intensify. You need to save the child from the audience, hold him close to you or, on the contrary, move away a little, without letting him out of sight. It all depends on the circumstances.

The child disturbs others

In this case, it is necessary to make it clear that there are general behavioral principles that must be observed. Naturally, if a child does not obey at the age of 4, then he may simply not understand the importance of fulfilling these requirements.

And yet it is necessary to make comments, explain and, ultimately, raise children. Therefore, the mother must repeat seemingly obvious things for the second and eighth time: “Don’t kick the chair, because the man in front is uncomfortable sitting.”

If it doesn’t work out now, then by the age of 8 the child will have learned the rules of behavior that mom or dad so often repeat. And the more accessible it is to explain, the sooner this moment will come.

Children do not want to listen to a parent who lectures them, for two reasons:

• the child is busy, lost in his thoughts, so he doesn’t even hear what the parent is saying;
• This is another version of protest behavior.

In the first case, children who exhibit autistic traits behave this way. However, similar behavior can also manifest itself in gifted children, since they constantly scroll through many different ideas in their heads.

It is necessary to figure out exactly why the child cannot or does not want to listen in order to correct the situation in time or try to improve relationships. A qualified psychologist will tell you what to do in this case.

Protest behavior is typical for children over 9 years of age and especially for teenagers. They want more independence, so they get angry with their parents and refuse to listen to them, thus resisting their demands.

It doesn’t matter whether a rebellious teenager or a three-year-old child doesn’t listen to his parents, the methods for solving the problem will be similar. Children need to be given more independence, if this does not harm their safety, and more love and support.

The child demands to buy him something

There is no need to wait for demands and capriciousness to develop into a hysterical attack. It is best to immediately leave the store and, under a plausible pretext, pick up the child. For example, explain that you forgot the money.

The failed “buyer” must be distracted by another action. Pay attention to the cat running by, count the birds on the branch, repeat the poem you learned. Usually kids quickly forget about an unfinished purchase.

If the child is older than 6 - 7 years old, then you should already negotiate with him. Let him argue why he needs this particular thing. Find out if he might be willing to spend his pocket money (if any) on a toy or phone.

Then you should promise to add the missing amount for your birthday or New Year and buy the item you like. Naturally, the promise must be kept.

We looked at what needs to be done if a child does not listen in typical situations. However, there are general recommendations which will be useful to all parents. And it doesn’t matter how old the child is - 3, 5, 8 or 9 years old.

1. Reduce the number of prohibitions, leaving them for really serious situations. In this case, the number of punishments will immediately decrease.
2. If a child of 8 years old does not listen, and you are used to solving a problem by shouting, try to calm down and make comments in a calm tone.
3. If your child does not listen because he is engrossed, try to attract his attention not by shouting, but, on the contrary, by whispering, facial expressions or gestures. The interlocutor will have to listen, willy-nilly.
4. Don't voice your demands over and over again. First, simply warn the child to stop playing around, then a disciplinary measure follows. And after the punishment, the reason for such strict measures is explained.
5. Try not to use the particle “NOT” in your speech. This advice is based on the idea that children do not perceive a negative particle, literally taking the request as a guide to action.
6. If children are hysterical, there is no need to appeal to their reason at this moment. Calm down yourself, confirm your demand again without raising your voice. This happens more at 8 and 9 years old, but with young children a distraction maneuver will work.
7. Be consistent in your actions, demands and promises. Also enlist the support of your spouse and grandparents. Consistency will not allow you to disorient the child, who will have no reason to behave provocatively.
8. Try to spend more time communicating with your children. Moreover, it is not the number of minutes that is important, but the quality of interaction.
9. Prepare yourself mentally for the inevitable growing up. The child grows, he needs more independence to realize his desires and plans. Ensure this independence whenever possible.
10. Show genuine interest. Find out what your grown-up child is doing. Perhaps his favorite films are not so superficial, and the music is quite melodic.

If a child at 10 years old or 2 years old does not listen after many months of effort on your part, it is better to consult a psychologist.

In order for a child to obey or at least adequately respond to the demands of adults, it is necessary to restore the most trusting child-parent relationship and establish an emotional connection.

Ways to establish trust:

1. It is important for a child to understand that he can tell his parents about a situation that is disturbing him. The little person also needs to know that he can ask adults questions without fear that they will get angry. At the same time, parents should feel free to ask and clarify, talking about several ways to solve the problem.
2. If you need to convey some important news or ask for something urgent, it is better not to shout, but to come up and hug – that is, create physical contact. Such an action will show your high interest in this situation, and the child will have less reason to refuse you.
3. When communicating, you need to maintain eye contact, but your gaze should be soft. If the parent looks angry, then the child subconsciously feels a threat, a desire to put pressure on him, so he perceives every request as an order.
4. Education implies not only demands, but also gratitude. Praise and words of approval are the best incentive for children, because they hear them from their parents. By the way, material encouragement is not as valuable for a child as mother’s or father’s sincere gratitude.
5. You should not forget that you are a parent, that is, older and more experienced than your child. Excessively friendly relationships often lead to the fact that the child ceases to perceive you as a protector, the main person in the family. That is, you need to be more flexible.

It is important to learn how to react correctly to any problem, to consider it from all sides, including from the child’s perspective. In this case, trust will definitely return, and, therefore, children will no longer need to confront their parents.

The power of personal example

Children do not always respond well to a simple explanation of why they should behave one way or another. It is better to educate by personal example, because this method is much more effective than numerous words and wishes.

If a child at 6 years old does not obey, perhaps you should listen to his reasons and explanation of the action. It is especially important to demonstrate fairness in adolescence, so find the strength to reconsider your decision if it was wrong and ask for forgiveness for the mistake.

At one not so wonderful moment, almost every parent may face the problem of disobedience. However, you should not despair and resolve the issue by force; it is better to build a relationship with your child so that conflicts do not reach the point of no return.

In addition, think about whether an obedient child is such a good thing. After all, some manifestations of insubordination are associated with the normal passage of age-related crises, and if children never object, perhaps they lack independence and the desire for self-development.

And finally, adults themselves should serve as models of constructive behavior. Agree that it is stupid to demand that a child listen and hear if parents do not always keep promises, change demands without proper basis and do not want to give in on small things.

Every mother loves her child very much and tries her best. And suddenly, at one moment, words are heard from a dear little man that he doesn’t love his mother.
Loving a baby is not at all difficult. Fluffy hair, rosy cheeks! If he obeys, doesn’t get dirty, eats and isn’t picky, doesn’t get into all the places – everyone around him won’t be surprised by such a baby.

But then it suddenly turned out that love is not just a house flower. These are weeds and burdocks, and in large numbers. And showing love every second is not easy. For example, the little one can’t fall asleep and keeps his mother beside herself. Or he doesn’t want to eat, and the whole kitchen is covered in broccoli. When it takes a long time for a mother to put on a clean, beautiful overalls that was chosen with such difficulty, and the child immediately rushes into a puddle in front of the house. At such moments, loving becomes a little more difficult.
And the baby suddenly suddenly says: “You are no longer a mother! Bad." Mom first starts swearing out of fear. Some parents even resort to punishment - they deprive them of watching cartoons, sweets, and put them in a corner. How can it be - to insult a loved one!

And overwhelmed with grievances and pain, they turn to a psychologist. And besides this, women have difficulty accepting the advice of specialists. That is, the advice is that of the two participants in the events, one is an adult, and he bears responsibility. The mother should respond to any words of the child, including those about dislike, by saying the phrase: “I love you!” And if the baby does not perceive them, add: “It’s a pity that you do this, I’m upset. You are good, but your action is bad.”
Psychologists also assure that such phrases about dislike in children do not mean that the child will now abandon his mother and does not need her. Perhaps he heard these words somewhere or simply wants to express his desire and hear a reaction in response. In the first case, you need to think about yourself and how to mitigate the consequences of the street, and in the second, try to understand the message. And under no circumstances should you punish them.
It should be remembered that the child will soon turn into a teenager and it is still unknown what will happen then. Will he even listen to his mother’s words?
If statements are periodically repeated, then there is reason to think - maybe something is happening in the child’s life that is unbearable for him and it is difficult for him to cope with it. Then it is better to contact a specialist for help.

There is probably no other time of the year when adults and children in an ordinary family are all together at home for so long - we are talking about the New Year holidays. The preparations for the holiday are behind us, the New Year has passed - and parents feel that they are already very tired of their child - because he does not obey. Why is it so difficult for parents, what kind of naughty children are there and what to do with them?

Naughty children: how did they not please their parents? In order for such children to behave “normally,” adults have to make efforts: restrain, control, repeat, refuse, punish and warn. And that’s the thing: we don’t want to stress ourselves out raising children. It would be more convenient for the child to be controlled, like a toy with a remote control.

So, development specialists are not inclined to sympathize with parents of disobedient children; on the contrary, they are wary of obedient children who are dependent on their parents’ will. In difficult or unusual situations, instead of mobilizing, they become sour, get lost, and give up. This is not visible in the family circle. But when they go out into life, they show a very low level of adaptability and survive only in closed communities built on strict discipline or in conditions of complete stagnation, when one day is similar to the next.

Obedience often means the absence of negative emotions in children: “good” boys and girls never get angry and react obediently even to parental aggression. They are taught “not to bother” their parents and other important people, “not to create problems”, “not to make people angry”, etc. Having grown up in conditions of strict taboos, along with bad emotions they suppress positive ones. They do not know how to rejoice and feel out of place even on their birthday.

Parenting style models the general orientation of a child's personality and his degree of obedience. Authoritarian style, to which not only fathers, but also mothers gravitate today, consists of actively suppressing the will of the child. At first, the child is literally trained. That is, they are forced to repeat commands many times until execution reaches high speed, so that there is no time to think. The problem of education is solved in the same vein: there is no need to argue what is interesting and what is not, learn everything by heart if you don’t understand.

Democratic style b presupposes, on the contrary, the child’s right to vote and involvement in activities. And although some things are not discussed because they are not within the child’s responsibility, the main format of communication between parent and child is not orders, but a meeting.

Allocate and mixed style, in which parents sometimes tighten the “nuts” and sometimes loosen them. Children adapt to it, living their carefree lives from “spanking” to “spanking.”

Situation 1: too smart

The parents of seven-year-old Gosha are worried: it seems that he does not always hear when people speak to him. They checked my hearing - everything is fine. Gosha is the middle child in the family, but it is because of him that everyone cannot sit down at the table on time. In the morning, Gosha creates a crowd in the bathroom, hovering over the sink. Forgets to tie his shoelaces on the way to school, risking falling. Even if he speaks sternly and loudly, he can calmly go about his business. Authorities have no effect on him. We had never seen strong emotions on his face, neither fear nor joy. Is he healthy? Isn't this a form of, or even schizophrenia, or is it a form of mental retardation? And how to stir up a child?

The examination showed that Gosha, on the contrary, has a very high intelligence and quick reactions. He actively participated in the conversation, named chess as his favorite game, and happily and intelligently explained what he had recently read. The most interesting thing is that during the two hours of conversation, Gosha was not only not tired, but, on the contrary, he was very active and his interest in what was happening was clearly growing.

Disobedience turned out to be a consequence of the high intensity of brain work and concentration on the internal solution of complex problems. It would seem that the parents should be happy, but the mother was upset: “I need him to listen and, together with the other children, fulfill my requests...”.

Comment. Children with high intelligence are simply bored with routine. They can pore over a complex task for hours, one that even their parents are not always able to handle. Objectively, they strive to occupy a “special” position, which irritates family members and contradicts the principle of equality. They do not react to raising the tone if they see that the situation is not worth the nerves, and the parents are simply trying to “pressure”.

Situation 2: too small

The parents of three-year-old Sveta are worried: the girl seems to have trouble thinking. Attempts to talk to her, to explain what and how to do, were almost in vain. The girl looked with her big beautiful eyes and smiled. And then she repeated the last word, as if teasingly. “Tell me what mom just said?.. Well!” Silence. “Mom said in Russian that you need to take off your shoes, carefully put them in the corner, then take off your coat. Carefully hang it on the hanger...”

When the psychologist heard the long multi-step instructions, she exclaimed: “Stop! How can the baby remember all this? She doesn’t even understand why you’re telling her this if you just need to do everything you need with her. Step by step!”

Comment. Children may not listen, that is, not fulfill the requirements, simply because they are not able to remember and understand the instructions. At the stage of concrete imaginative thinking, i.e. up to 6 years, it is better to show how to do it and practice with the child. Children have not yet developed voluntary attention and verbal memory, but they remember the sequence of operations.

Addressing the child should be appropriate to his level of understanding and confidence. Don't shout across the room, he may simply not understand that it is he who is being asked for something. Do not use the pressing “Why haven’t you done this yet?” Do you really think that a child will sit in a high chair and explain to you why it is difficult for him to understand and fulfill certain requests?

Situation 3: too obedient

But the parents of seven-year-old Katya are concerned that it is never clear what the girl is thinking about, what she wants. If you ask her for something, she will do it silently. Never squeaks. My mother had never heard her loud, booming laughter until she was one and a half years old... It was also surprising that even injustice on the part of adults did not cause resistance or disagreement. The neighbor is jealous: “It’s a miracle, not a child!” And the mother feels uneasy: “She’s growing up somehow unhappy. As if she had come to terms with everything in advance...” The child psychologist came to the conclusion that there is reason for concern, but there are also ways to “revive” the child.

Comment. A child with suppressed emotions requires rehabilitation. He needs to be reminded how to experience these emotions, how to be happy, angry, surprised. To do this, it is necessary, firstly, that adults do not walk around at home frowning and tense, as if expecting the end of the world. If a child doesn’t see adults laughing, how can he learn to laugh? After all, the child simply copies the first reactions from adults.

Secondly, there should be a loyal attitude towards children's noise. Children never think of evil, they just don’t succeed in everything. If family members on all sides extinguish the manifestation of feelings in a child, how can he resist a group of adults?

Thirdly, there should be no taboo on the expression of negative emotions - anger, indignation, irritation, crying... Under certain circumstances, this is absolutely adequate behavior. There are even comic games to develop negative expression: the child is dressed up in the costume of a negative character, and on his behalf he can behave as unbridled as he likes. If you join, the child will be completely freed from the fear of being punished. There is also a game of funny “name-calling”: all participants throw the ball in a circle, coming up with unusual names for the person to whom the ball flies: “You are a cabbage! You are a hat! You are a brick!” This is a game of psychological rapprochement. After all, if in the presence of another person we can show strong negative emotions, it means that we are not indifferent to him.

Why don't children listen?

1. They listen to us, but what they hear is not clear to them. The main thing is not clear: do they not like them if they shout like that? It is not clear what to do so that the parent calms down and does not get nervous. The child is confused and simply does not know what to do. After all, they can’t refuse him just because he doesn’t like semolina porridge or doesn’t put his shoes on neatly.
2. They don't want to be talked to like that, so they refuse to play the "listen to your daddy, otherwise it will be bad!" game. If a child is a leader or has dominance in his character, he will never support a game that is contrary to his nature. If a child is punished for disobedience in the hope of hearing an apology, the situation can reach a dead end. You need to negotiate with such children, delegating to them responsibility for their actions.
3. Obedience is the behavior style of children with a weak nervous system. It is very difficult for them to make decisions and take responsibility. And they stick to someone with a stronger character. It could be a parent, an older sister... alas, and a stranger on the street! These kids are driven. They are easy to control, but cannot be relied upon. They constantly get into trouble and need control and support.
4. Children can fake obedience. This is a kind of payment for the opportunity to play. Their logic is something like this: “Okay, I’ll do what they ask of me, as long as they leave behind. And then I’ll have a blast!” Such children lead a double life and early understand that deception and cunning are the way to communicate with irresponsible, uncompromising parents. All the same, they will not listen to objections - they simply have no use for a smart child. The child is always surprised: is he really considered so stupid and helpless? Too strict upbringing creates either dependent or only outwardly loyal behavior.
5. They will not listen to outright insults and humiliations. Constantly setting the neighbor's girl as an example, you hurt the child's soul. And who wants to experience pain and humiliation? The child may perceive this as rejection, psychological failure and cry bitterly from injustice.

How to restore contact with your child?

1. Sincere, conscious obedience is possible only in a trusting relationship, when the child recognizes that the parent is so far coping better with problems. In contrast to strict, unconditional obedience, in a trusting relationship, a child can ask questions that interest him without fear of incurring the parent’s wrath. We should ask the child counter questions more often, making it clear that the problem may have several solutions and now you are thinking about which option to prefer. “What do you think is the best thing to do? Can I count on your help? Can I ask you to do this?”
2. If you want to ask your child for something important, do not shout to him across the room, but go up and hug him. Physical contact is a metaphor for deep psychological contact. This is a way to convey your calm and interested attitude. This is a way to say: “We are together, and this is the main thing. What I tell you will not break our contact. I hope to only strengthen it. The most important thing is the relationship, and not the desire of each of us.”
3. Another rule: look confidently into the child’s eyes. If your movements are rough and your gaze is harsh, the child will perceive this as a threat, an attempt to put psychological pressure on him, and will perceive a request to fulfill something as an ultimatum.
4. Your requests will be fulfilled if you do not forget to thank the child for the service rendered and the assignment completed. Warm words will strengthen the child's feeling that he is loved even more and that he has the power to improve the relationship. It's worth working for. Children value moral and psychological encouragement much more than sweets. If a child breaks out of this pattern, it means that you have not found the words or are perceived by the child as a person whose feelings cannot be relied upon and whose words cannot be trusted.
5. In emergency situations, such as when the safety of the family is threatened, everyone must obey the elder unconditionally. The child needs to be told about problematic cases and explained that strict adherence to the rules saves people’s lives and health. The severity of the rules and the severity of parents are the degrees of a tough relationship with the world. You can negotiate with your parents. The rules are the same for everyone. Show that you yourself are willing to “listen and obey” in special situations.

The Lord in the Gospel repeatedly calls on every person to become like a child. Be “like little children” (Matthew 18:3), “for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14).

Every person grows, develops, becomes more mature. And this is not only the reality of our time. Even before the Fall, man was called to grow in the love of God, to develop his abilities. Thus, he learned about God’s creation and named the animals (see: Gen. 2:20). According to the thoughts of St. Basil the Great, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil “was given so that a commandment was needed for our obedience.” That is, in heaven, a person was brought up and developed.

In the same way, as we grow up, we are called to become better, to grow physically and spiritually. We must master our abilities and develop God's gifts. Is it really in spite of this that the Lord says: “Be like children” - inept, undeveloped, helpless? Intuitively, you and I understand what He means. Everyone, seeing a child, feels What We lost, growing up, what children are really better at than us. Let's try to understand a little about what Christ valued so much in children.

At an early age, children still retain an amazing integrity of mind, heart and will. Such qualities of an adult as double-mindedness, guile, and hypocrisy are alien to them. Harmony in a child’s soul allows you to see harmony around you. It turns out that this is the true Kingdom of God, which is “within us” (Luke 17:21).

Children are characterized by simplicity, spontaneity, and a special realism of the soul. The world of fantasy and the world of reality often do not have clear boundaries. As they master the world around them, they immediately create something new, perceiving their fantasy no less real than the world around them. The same applies to time. Remember how long it takes a child to master our usual time categories. He already speaks well, knows and remembers a lot, but, for example, “yesterday” and “a year ago” are the same for him, the past lives in the present, and the present dominates the future. We can say that this is an image of future life in eternity.

We, having gained a lot of knowledge and experience, lose the direct connection of the heart with God, characteristic of children

Children are by nature open and sociable. They absorb new knowledge, and their hearts are open to the word of God, goodness, light. Christ, seeing how children are drawn to Him, listening with the spirit of love and purity of heart, in His prayer to the Heavenly Father says: “I praise You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You hid this from the wise and prudent and revealed it to babes” ( Matthew 11:25). We, having a lot of knowledge, intelligence and experience, lose the direct connection of our hearts with God.

Trust and goodwill towards people. Children are not characterized by hostility, malice, enmity, or hatred towards anyone. “Be childish to evil” (1 Cor. 14:20), says the Apostle Paul, meaning how children often do not even see the evil around them, and if they feel evil against themselves, they very quickly forget and forgive the offenders. Indeed, like is known by like. A child, who by his nature does not know evil, will not see this evil around him. A parent who punishes his child with anger will for a long time feel a heaviness in his heart - a consequence of the sin he has committed. The child, having quickly forgiven, again runs to the parent with a heart full of love. Everything good and pure inspires trust and attraction in a child.

Faith is natural for children; it is an experiential part of their lives. On the contrary, they are not characterized by doubts, hesitations, crafty wisdom and self-justifications. Their faith is unaccountable and at the same time sincere. A child with any trouble runs to his mother, knowing that she will always help. This belief in unconditional love and help extends to spiritual life; a child’s natural faith in God is formed through the experience of love and trust in parents. Children believe in the words of adults, for them these words are the same as their deeds. If parents do not throw words to the wind, but confirm reasonable words with reasonable deeds, then they gain authority in the eyes of their children, complete trust and cordial friendship. Children's faith in adults, the latter's faith in children lead to deep, sincere and natural faith in God.

The child has natural humility. As we grow up, we retreat from this saving virtue

When the disciples asked Christ: who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, He, placing a child in the midst of them, said: “If you do not turn and become like children, you will not enter into... Whoever humbles himself [humbles] like this child, he is the greatest in Kingdom of Heaven" (Matthew 18: 1-4). A child is “little” from birth; he has natural humility and modesty. Growing up, we lose this saving virtue and cultivate pride, ambition, and vanity. We already consider ourselves, if not better than everyone else, then certainly no worse. Moreover, from early childhood we often instill in our children the desire to be better than others.

It turns out that a child from birth already possesses many qualities for life in the Kingdom of God, but as they grow older, they weaken, are lost, or are even replaced by opposing passions. This is largely facilitated by the examples that surround a growing child. We create people like ourselves. Lacking a genuine spiritual life, and caring primarily about the values ​​of “this world,” we contribute to the rapid departure of our children from their still slightly spoiled nature.

There is a path of the elect from the womb, examples of which we see in the lives of saints who pleased God with their holy lives from infancy. However, for you and me, the Lord offers a second path - the path of returning to a humble childish spirit: the spirit of faith, love, modesty, purity and boundless trust in God.