You can often hear the saying that a man's appearance does not matter much to a woman, since in most cases they are more attracted to their intelligence, male power, and, of course, the fullness of his wallet, and the man himself should be a little nicer than a monkey. However, not everyone agrees with this statement, and a man’s appearance is very important, especially when meeting for the first time.
Most women consider handsome men to be womanizers who are incapable of long-term feelings and faithful relationships. But if it comes to beautiful women, then public opinion leans more toward their merits and positive qualities. It is on this statement that most glossy magazines “make money” by “teaching” women to be beautiful.
Nevertheless, beautiful, and most importantly, well-groomed man will be more desirable and attractive to a woman. A man’s appearance is generally very important at the first stage of a relationship; it is the factor that influences the emergence of sympathy, which provokes a man and a woman to look for an opportunity to contact each other.
It should be noted that, probably, every man at least once asked women about the importance of a man’s appearance to them. There is no definite answer to this question, and there cannot be one, since the criteria for beautiful appearance are different for all people. More often, beautiful people They consider those people who are close to them in ethnic and national status, as well as similar to people from their immediate environment. Psychologists have proven the fact that only two features of a man’s appearance are the same as criteria for beauty for different cultures - height and muscle mass, the remaining features are strictly individual, and moreover, may vary depending on a particular country or city.
However, any society has its own canons of beauty, that is, attractive and handsome man seems like that to many people living in the same area as him. Moreover, such generally recognized “handsome men” are extremely popular among the opposite sex. Naturally, in this situation, the question of the importance of men’s appearance for women becomes purely rhetorical.
But there is still a big difference between recognizing a man as handsome and wanting to have a loving relationship with him. It turns out that men and women who choose handsome men as their soulmates have high self-esteem. On the contrary, those who are not confident in themselves have low self-esteem, so they are more likely to choose as a partner someone who does not seem beautiful to most.
In order for sympathy in a relationship between a man and a woman to develop into a deeper and more serious feeling, beautiful appearance alone is not enough for either one or the other. And especially for women. Everyone knows that men can spend quite a long time next to a stupid and empty, but beautiful, long-legged, big-breasted “dancer.” Women are not like that at all; they quickly lose interest in handsome but empty-headed men, so this inevitably follows a break in the relationship.
After the initial period of a relationship, there comes a point when appearance ceases to be a key factor. They take her place common interests, general perception of various life situations. At this stage, the general mood of a person becomes important. But this is not yet the phase of the relationship when you can show your apathy, melancholy or depression to your partner. The stage of transition from sympathy to mutual attractiveness should be accompanied by friendly, warm relationships; they are the attribute of a successful relationship. A man’s appearance during this period of a relationship still matters to a woman, although not the main thing. Therefore, it is better not to do it in the first days romantic relationships appearing in front of each other in homely or unkempt clothes, in bad mood or tipsy.
Family psychologists distinguish several phases of love: sympathy, attractiveness, infatuation and love. In fact, a man’s appearance is important for a woman only during the first two phases of love, but later, after a period of mutual “lookout”, lovers of cute faces may develop deep feelings for their boyfriend, while he may not be so “handsome.”
So are there women for whom the beauty of a man is very important, for whom it is the main criterion for their choice and why? It is impossible to answer this question unambiguously. In most cases, women for whom the beauty of a man is important always have a high opinion of themselves. In addition, when choosing, they are guided by the desire to appear more beautiful to others than they really are. And this is understandable, since psychologists note that against the background of a handsome man, any woman will look like a queen. Of course, most people express bewilderment and surprise when they see next to the one whom a handsome man has chosen as his partner. But gradually their opinion changes, and they begin to think that since he chose her, that means she deserves him. Therefore, for a woman, choosing a handsome man as a partner is her great social capital, since she herself becomes more attractive to others.
Social norms also come into play here. In many fairy tales, Vasilisa always has the prefix “Beauty”. And in order to be the most important, most successful hero of a fairy tale, a man does not need to be either handsome or smart. Ivanushka the Fool usually impresses with his spontaneity and ability to see the world differently from the way educated or intelligent characters in the story see it.
In everyday life everything is exactly the same. Fairy tales only reflect what is in reality. It is common to think that a handsome man is a womanizer, that he is a scoundrel, incapable of lasting feelings. A man's appearance, as they say, should be a little prettier than a monkey. And beautiful women public opinion attributes more virtues and positive qualities. The business of many glossy magazines, which teach girls and women to be beautiful, is built on this immutable law.
And yet, handsome men can be more desirable and attractive for a girl. Beauty generally plays an important role in the first stages of a relationship. It is the trigger for the emergence of sympathy, which provokes a man and a woman to seek contact with each other.
Surely every man has at least once wondered whether a man’s appearance is important to a girl? There is no universal answer here and cannot be. Usually people consider beautiful those people who, firstly, are close to them in ethnic and national status. And secondly, we consider beautiful people who are similar to the people from our immediate environment. Psychologists have proven that there are only two features of male appearance that are universal across cultures as criteria for beauty - height and muscle mass. All other features are strictly individual, or vary from country to country, from city to city.
Objective canons of beauty in every society, however, exist. It’s not for nothing that there is an expression “recognized handsome man.” True, it is usually supplemented with the phrase “in the whole class” or “in the whole city.” That is, a handsome man seems handsome to many representatives of the area where he lives. Moreover, such handsome men are extremely popular with the opposite sex. It is clear that in such a situation the question of whether the appearance of men is important for girls becomes purely rhetorical.
Still, there is a big difference between recognizing a man as handsome and wanting to have an affair with him yourself. As it turns out, both men and women who choose handsome men as partners have common feature character - they have consistently high self-esteem. The same guys or girls who lack self-confidence suffer low self-esteem, other things being equal, they will choose someone who objectively does not seem beautiful to the majority.
For sympathy in a relationship to turn into a more serious feeling, beauty alone is not enough for either men or women. And especially for women. Men can tolerate a beautiful but empty person next to them longer. But women quickly break off relationships with empty-headed handsome men.
After the first euphoria of the beginning of a relationship, there comes a period when appearance fades into the background. Common interests and common attitudes towards the perception of different life situations come to the fore. The general background of a person’s mood becomes important at this stage. This is not yet the stage when you can show your partner melancholy, apathy or depression. A smile, friendliness and warmth of contact at the stage of transition from sympathy to mutual attraction become an important attribute of a successful relationship. At this stage, the man’s appearance still plays a role for the girl, although not the key one. So, from the very first days of the romance, you should not show yourself to each other in homely and unkempt clothes, in a bad mood or drunk.
Some specialists family relations There are four phases of love - sympathy, attractiveness or attraction, love, love. By and large, a man’s appearance is important for a girl only in the first two stages. And then even big lovers of cute faces can feel a real surge of feelings for their boyfriend, even if he is not very handsome, because the first stages of looking at each other have already been passed.
Is there a special portrait of the personality of a girl who cares about a man’s beauty? It is difficult to clearly define such a portrait. As already mentioned, a girl must have consistently high self-esteem. Another important trait may be the desire to appear more beautiful to others than she is. Many women have this desire. Psychologists know that even the ugliest girl next to a handsome man looks like a prom queen. People are at first a little surprised by his choice, and then they think that since he chose her, it means she’s worth it. So choosing a handsome man as a partner is great social capital for a woman. After all, then she herself seems much more attractive to others.
Question to a psychologist
My chosen one and I are 21. The situation is extremely delicate, from early childhood I insisted that I would choose only the most handsome and intelligent man in the world, but the older I got, the more often I became convinced that these same handsome men were simply terribly proud and extremely selfish, and those who, despite their beauty, remained worthy men were still in strong relationships almost from the cradle. Many people call me myself beautiful girl on the stream, which is very flattering, considering how low my self-esteem is, but the guys swore their love in droves, both beautiful, and smart, and kind, and rich, and poor, etc., but no one could go beyond the level of “sympathy”, but here, a person who studied next to him for several years, at some point could turn out to be almost the very best (kind, gentle, good feeling humor) and was able to see in me, besides my appearance, a whole world filled with books, music, creativity and more. With all his positive qualities, he has a big drawback: a narrow eye shape. He and I fell in love with each other and, if we forget about the many difficulties that await us in the future (my family is against exotic nationalities, and I myself am Georgian), I would be happy to live my whole life with him, but there is one big BUT: Because of my problematic childhood, I really, really don’t want my children to go through something similar. In Russia, not only dark-haired, but even with narrow eyes, it will be a living hell for kids! Girls will have complexes, boys will not be popular... Should I give free rein to my feelings and ruin the lives of my future children, or should I find a handsome guy, most likely a moral monster, and give birth to handsome children? Is it selfish, perhaps, to choose your happiness with a caring man in this case?
Answers from psychologists
Hello, Alina.
A child from an unloved man in a toxic family will suffer even more, and children of all nationalities experience bullying and nagging in adolescence. It is strange that you decided in advance their fate for your unborn children, found problems for them and determined the country in which they will live. All this may be your deep misconception. Nobody knows the future.
The Russians' dislike for dark-haired people is absolutely far-fetched. Russia has always been a multinational state and in different cities people have very different attitudes towards the appearance of other dissimilar or similar people. It seems to me that this depends more on the level of education and culture of the environment in which you will live and raise your children. Yes, there are very rude, narrow-minded and cruel people, and they exist in every country in the world, but there is also a normal healthy environment where people treat each other with tolerance and consideration.
Perhaps your personal psychological traumas prevent you from seeing the situation more broadly and you perceive and interpret individual words and events more painfully, into which people do not even attach the meaning that you or your loved ones discover.
Good answer 1 Bad answer 1Hello, Alina! You have to pay for everything. By choosing a man with good looks, in most cases you are dooming yourself to play a male role in the family. For your handsome man, you will have to become the main breadwinner in the family and drag mammoths to the beautiful feet of your husband. And the husband can pick up and go to someone else at any time, because she gave him a cool Japanese motorcycle, and you could only give him an ordinary Lada Kalina.
It has been statistically proven that young people tend to create couples with people who are approximately equal to them in terms of external attractiveness. And this is just following fashion and cultural stereotypes. Such a choice does not bring any benefit for family happiness.
What then matters for family well-being? And for family well-being, it matters that your man was thrilled by the very sight of you, was lost, did not know what to say and felt like just a monster next to the beauty. What is important for a woman? And for her it is important that men be mammoth hunters for her and are eager to work for the good of the family.
And also regarding the beauty of potential offspring - children in kindergarten and school will be judged not by the beauty of their bodies, but by the high cost of the clothes they are wearing. This is our current world.
Wisdom to you, Alina!
I consult via Skype. Belova Lyubov, psychologist/psychotherapist
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Alina" The progress of your messages is interesting. It is worth noting that you are not alone in your doubts, I periodically encounter similar situations in my work. Let me send you my article, I invite you to my website, since I work as a psychologist-sexologist. Here everything is up to your personal perception, everyone chooses and decides for themselves. Some are lucky in this, some are not. Some are not very happy. Much also depends on beliefs regarding men. on my site. Good luck!
I love men of a certain appearance. Pros and cons. It is important to love yourself. Posted in Articles | November 13, 2013
I would like to tell you, as a psychotherapist who conducts trainings for women on choosing a future partner, that sometimes it is extremely important for a woman when her man has a certain appearance.
As an example, I will give the story of one girl for whom it was very important for a man to be handsome. It seems that this is not bad, but nevertheless, it significantly narrowed her choice, besides, she was already over 30, and a man of young age was not considered.
The first thing we came up with was insufficient self-love (the root of the problem), from which everything else came.
The beginning of this was the following story. When the client was 5 years old, her parents left and temporarily left the girl with her grandmother. She remembered herself standing on the platform and roaring after the departing train. Then she determined for herself: *they don’t love me*.
Later, this changed somewhat, because men began to come into the girl’s life. She began to realize that she was beautiful. And her conviction now said the following: “It’s better that they love me, and I, in order not to suffer, should not love myself,”
Let me note, as a practicing psychotherapist, I know many examples that women have these beliefs when they are closed from love. At first glance, someone will say: “not bad.” But try living with a man to whom you are initially indifferent, and then it will gradually turn into irritation. When just his touch and the feeling of *missed opportunities* can infuriate you. So, it’s worth thinking about whether you need such a belief.
Now about handsome men. The client said: “I love beautiful ones.” I ask: “is this good?” She, who at first thought it was good, began to delve into herself. And suddenly, completely unexpectedly, I turned 21. And she saw herself disheveled, with acne on her face, and decided that she did not have enough of her own beauty: “I will look for beauty in men.”
Now, when I pointed out to her the true meaning of this belief, she began to understand something for herself and reformulated it, suddenly realizing that: “I want something worthy for myself.” And her criteria for assessing a man’s appearance have changed. She stated the following: “The most important thing in appearance for me is a man who has a nose. I like it to stand out on the face (within reason), but it has to be there.”
Then - in terms of figure. She remembered her *ex* men, both acquaintances and strangers, making the following generalization: *it’s okay if there’s a little belly there*.
Now a few words about the man’s height. The client herself was short, and if before she only wanted a man from 180 cm and above, now she said: “Come on, let him be at least 173, my dad is short, but he’s a good husband.”
Later, we moved on to the topic: “it is important to love yourself.” She remembered when a tearful friend came running to her, who was going through her breakup with a man, and the client decided for herself: “Love is equal to suffering.” And now, having realized that there is absolutely no need to sympathize with my friend so much, and that everything will be different for her, she said: “I will be happy in a relationship.”
Then, she again remembered the departure of her parents, and her decision at that time: “I get pain, therefore, love is pain.” We re-sourced this situation, and it played out differently. The client saw her grandmother, who told her: “Yes, let’s go, well, where will they go - they’ll be back soon.” And she calmly went home with her grandmother, no longer crying.
After that, she reviewed all her previous unsuccessful relationships, and made a generalized conclusion about them: “I chose the wrong men, my approach to them was wrong. I must love my man and be loved."
She gave away the unlove that lived in her, filling herself with the value of love.
This is how you can solve 2 parallel problems; as it turned out later, they still intersect, despite the laws of mathematics.
Afanasyeva Liliya Veniaminovna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 3 Bad answer 0Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich
Psychologist Volgograd Was on the site: Today
You can often hear the statement that a man’s appearance does not matter much to a woman, since in most cases they are more attracted to intelligence, male strength, and, of course, the fullness of his wallet, and the man himself should be a little prettier than a monkey. However, not everyone agrees with this statement, and a man’s appearance is very important, especially when meeting for the first time.
Most women consider handsome men to be womanizers who are incapable of long-term feelings and faithful relationships. But when it comes to beautiful women, then public opinion leans more towards their merits and positive qualities. It is on this statement that most glossy magazines “make money” by “teaching” women to be beautiful.
However, a handsome, and most importantly, well-groomed man will be more desirable and attractive to a woman. A man’s appearance is generally very important at the first stage of a relationship; it is the factor that influences the emergence of sympathy, which provokes a man and a woman to look for an opportunity to contact each other.
It should be noted that, probably, every man at least once asked women about the importance of a man’s appearance to them. There is no definite answer to this question, and there cannot be one, since the criteria for beautiful appearance are different for all people. Most often, people consider beautiful those people who are close to them in ethnic and national status, as well as those who are similar to people from their immediate environment. Psychologists have proven the fact that only two features of a man’s appearance are the same as criteria for beauty for different cultures - height and muscle mass, while the remaining features are strictly individual, and moreover, can vary depending on a particular country or city.
However, any society has its own canons of beauty, that is, an attractive and handsome man seems so to many people living in the same area as him. Moreover, such generally recognized “handsome men” are extremely popular among the opposite sex. Naturally, in this situation, the question of the importance of men’s appearance for women becomes purely rhetorical.
But there is still a big difference between recognizing a man as handsome and wanting to have a loving relationship with him. It turns out that men and women who choose handsome men as their soulmates have high self-esteem. On the contrary, those who are not confident in themselves have low self-esteem, so they are more likely to choose as a partner someone who does not seem beautiful to most.
In order for sympathy in a relationship between a man and a woman to develop into a deeper and more serious feeling, beautiful appearance alone is not enough for either one or the other. And especially for women. Everyone knows that men can spend quite a long time next to a stupid and empty, but beautiful, long-legged, big-breasted “dancer.” Women are not like that at all; they quickly lose interest in handsome but empty-headed men, so this inevitably follows a break in the relationship.
After the initial period of a relationship, there comes a point when appearance ceases to be a key factor. In its place are common interests, a common perception of various life situations. At this stage, the general mood of a person becomes important. But this is not yet the phase of the relationship when you can show your apathy, melancholy or depression to your partner. The stage of transition from sympathy to mutual attractiveness should be accompanied by friendly, warm relationships; they are the attribute of a successful relationship. A man’s appearance during this period of a relationship still matters to a woman, although not the main thing. Therefore, it is better not to appear in front of each other in homely or unkempt clothes, in a bad mood or tipsy in the first days of a romantic relationship.
Family psychologists distinguish several phases of love: sympathy, attractiveness, infatuation and love. In fact, a man’s appearance is important for a woman only during the first two phases of love, but later, after a period of mutual “lookout”, lovers of cute faces may develop deep feelings for their boyfriend, while he may not be so “handsome.”
So are there women for whom the beauty of a man is very important, for whom it is the main criterion for their choice and why? It is impossible to answer this question unambiguously. In most cases, women for whom the beauty of a man is important always have a high opinion of themselves. In addition, when choosing, they are guided by the desire to appear more beautiful to others than they really are. And this is understandable, since psychologists note that against the background of a handsome man, any woman will look like a queen. Of course, most people express bewilderment and surprise when they see next to the one whom a handsome man has chosen as his partner. But gradually their opinion changes, and they begin to think that since he chose her, that means she deserves him. Therefore, for a woman, choosing a handsome man as a partner is her great social capital, since she herself becomes more attractive to others.
April 9, 2017, at 02:02How important is a guy's appearance to a girl?
Let's imagine this picture: you are rushing about your business, and then a real sultry macho man of unwritten beauty walks past you. Do you think all the girls around will secretly, or without hesitation, scan him with their gaze? Undoubtedly, any girl will look after an attractive, charming guy. And there is nothing wrong with this, since this behavior is explained by the instincts inherent in us. That is, nature itself commands us at such moments. However, there is one “but” here - if girl looking for a lover, the likelihood that she will want to build with him serious relationship- small. In a global sense, for women, a man’s appearance does not play a big role.
Therefore, our advice to guys: if you do not have a luxurious, attractive appearance and do not change girls like gloves, do not be upset, by showing kindness and responsiveness to women, you can find your true love and create a strong family.
How important is a girl's appearance to a guy?
Unfortunately, men are more picky in this regard. To interest the guy you like, it’s not enough to have positive qualities, you need to take care of your appearance, hygiene, figure, dress nicely, etc. For example, contrary to all the laws of nature, without having model external data, you managed to have serious dating. Don't rush to celebrate your victory with a cake and your favorite soda, because the spark that flared up between you and that guy can quickly go out. Alas, you will have to keep the fire of love alive for a long time. Do you have enough strength and nerves for such a feat?
Our advice to girls: never stop there, improve your body and spirit, this is the only way you can keep your loved one near you.
It is possible to find happiness without risk!
If you don’t want to take risks, wait a long time or work hard, fighting for a place in the sun, then you can go to dating site for adults without registration. Post your photo, and other users will evaluate your external data. Believe me, at least one person will definitely be interested in you.
