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HOLY FATHERS ABOUT THE FAMILY:
He who is negligent towards his children, even though he is decent in other respects, will suffer extreme punishment for this sin. Everything about us should be secondary to caring for our children.
Saint John Chrysostom
The affairs of those with whom we have a different way of life are inaccessible to us. For example, a mother with infants cannot go to church every day for all services and pray for a long time at home. This will result not only in embarrassment, but even sin if, for example, in the absence of a mother, a child without supervision cripples himself or does pranks when he grows up. She cannot completely renounce her property for the sake of personal achievement, for she is obliged to support and feed her children.
Venerable Nikon of Optina
To be saved, you must live not in a dream, but in real life, bear the cross that the Lord has already determined for you for salvation.
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
You are a wife, you are a mother, you are a housewife. Responsibilities for all these parts are depicted in the apostolic writings. Look through them and take it upon yourself to perform them. For it is doubtful that salvation could be achieved apart from the fulfillment of the duties that are imposed by rank and fortune.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
As soon as a child is born, you need to know that everything that happens to the mother or father, or to the environment reaches him. Therefore, the mother was recommended to pray, but not formally, not only to say prayers, not only to say prayers, but to communicate with God, to share with Him all her joy, all her trepidation, to let God act in her.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Not only suffering sent by God, but every spiritual effort, every voluntary deprivation, every refusal, sacrifice are immediately exchanged for spiritual riches within us; the more we lose, the more we gain.
One grief of the mentor, which should be deeply mourned, if the child loses faith and falls into sin. And God will arrange everything else for the good, for the sake of the devotion of believing hearts to Him.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
True Christian marital love can only truly exist between one husband and one wife. Once the husband and wife have become one flesh, then there is no longer any need for them to divide their love between any third or fourth person. Husband and wife constitute one living organism. An organism that is dissected dies, and a marital union that is severed through polygamy or polyandry loses its life and meaning.
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
ÃÃÂ Two purposes for which marriage was established: so that we live chastely and so that we become fathers. But the most important of these two goals is chastity.
Saint John Chrysostom
Unfortunately, in our time even sins of shamelessness are excused by society. From such a relaxation, the moral structure of family life and even social life declines.
Archpriest Valentin Amfitheatrov
And for each other you should be an example of meekness and kindness, self-control, complacency, honesty and hard work, submission to God’s will, patience and hope; help each other; Take care of each other, be forgiving to one another, covering each other’s weaknesses with love.
All women who are devoted to chastity are worthy of the name courageous.
Saint John Chrysostom
There should be no place for pride in family life. You never need to indulge your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculate who exactly should ask for forgiveness.
Holy Queen Alexandra Romanova
Fasting is wonderful because it suppresses our sins like weeds, but it raises and grows truth like a flower. If you started fasting at will, then do not be gloomy, but rejoice: it cleanses your soul from poison.
Saint John Chrysostom
Saint Gregory the Theologian
After all, the main and fundamental thing in life is walking before God and living in God, and poverty not only does not interfere with this, but contributes to the development in us of trust only in God, and believers are not put to shame.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
Marriage is honorable and the marital union is blessed by God. Blessed, but in order to preserve the power of the Creator in the birth of others like themselves and for the continuation of the human race, so that spouses become parents and see themselves as fruitful oil plantings. Blessed is he who enters into a marital union with this holy intention; he chooses his wife not out of passion, but looks at her virtues.
Plato, Metropolitan of Moscow
There is an incomprehensible connection between the souls of parents and the souls of children, and we cannot determine to what extent the influence of the former extends on the latter: and together, to what extent, with the contagious influence of the former, God’s mercy and condescension extends to the latter.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Of course, fasting, if not accompanied by prayer and spiritual work, has almost no value. Fasting is not a goal, but a means, a benefit that makes prayer and spiritual improvement easier for us.
Venerable Barsanuphius of Optina
It is very unfortunate to hear about troubles between close relativesâæ and in our dispensation without self-reproach, no matter how much you advise, those who quarrel do not receive peace, and they have no idea about this, that they need to reproach themselves,â They only see guilt in their neighbor.
Venerable Macarius of Optina
Fasting protects babies, makes the young chaste, makes the old man respectable: for gray hair, adorned by fasting, is more worthy of respect. Fasting â the most decent attire for women, bridle in the prime of life, protection of marriage, educator of childhood... Children, like flowering plants, may be watered with the water of fasting.
Saint Basil the Great
A child should be able to look at his parents and see that what he is told actually lives within them. They may be imperfect—the child understands this very well—but they strive to live by faith, and this constitutes the meaning and content of their life.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
If you fast in food, your eyes are seduced by adultery in the secret places of your soul, and by curiosity and slander; hearing is â perceiving excesses and prodigal songs and unkind slanderous whispers; and other feelings that are consistently harmful, then what is the benefit of fasting? â Of course, none!
Saint Gregory Palamas
One of the spouses, who has the misfortune of seeing apparently incorrigible weaknesses in the other, can only endure them with Christian patience, see in them a cross placed by God on him, and thereby come to terms with his position in the hope of reward from God.
Bishop Vissarion (Nechaev)
Pray earnestly for your children, and God will preserve in good order those who want to be preserved and seek this.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
For parents, the main concern should be to gain God's mercy and His help and blessings. And this will be a condition for the indispensable success of many years of work and struggle for the salvation of the souls of children subject to sin along with the entire fallen human race.
From the book by Pestov N.E. Orthodox parenting
The Lord does not require hunger, but heroism. Feat â is what a person can do the greatest according to his own strength, and the rest by grace.
From the book of Fr. V. Sventsitsky
Love for one's neighbor is preceded and accompanied by humility before him.
Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov
Today, on the day of the half-life of the saving Lenten feat, the Lord condescends to those who are tired and exhausted under the burden of fasting, giving them His love, and strength, and a gentle reminder that they have not yet fought sin to the point of bleeding. The Lord today reminds us of the uniqueness and immutability of the path of salvation - the path of the Cross and suffering - and inspires us along this path with hope. The light of Christ's Resurrection is visible only from the Cross.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
An emancipated wife is always a bad mother. She is burdened by children, they prevent her from enjoying the freedom of life, and therefore she leaves the care of them to nurses and nannies.
Bishop Vissarion (Nechaev)
Teach your children more to moderation and even hardships, which you can always encounter in life, than to pleasures, which are not available to everyone.
Ambrose Klyucharyov, Archbishop of Kharkov
John Cassian the Roman says that if after Lent I did not become at least a little different, did not change something in myself, remained the same as I was when Lent began, then the time of fasting has passed without meaning. I am the most unfortunate person, because I spent this time in self-restraint - I did not eat, did not drink, did not have fun, and did not receive any fruit.
It would be better to do all this, at least it would be pleasant. Otherwise, I limited myself in everything, but I didn’t become better, smarter, brighter, or kinder. Such fasting deprives one of strength and naturally does not bring joy.
Archpriest Alexey Uminsky. "Lent"
If someone learns chastity, then he will consider his wife dearer than everyone else, will look at her with great love and have great agreement with her, and all good things will enter his home with peace and harmony.
Saint John Chrysostom
It should not be considered that the child is small, but from the first years it is necessary to begin to calm down the flesh, which is prone to coarse matter, and to accustom the child to mastery over it, so that in adolescence, in youth, and after them, one can easily and freely cope with this need. The first starter is very expensive. Much depends on baby food in the future.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
This is the basic principle of a happy marriage: two loving people constantly limit their own freedom, the husband for the sake of his wife, and the wife for the sake of her husband.
Archpriest Alexey Uminsky
If you, a man, do not forgive everyone who has sinned against you, then do not bother yourself with fasting and prayer. If you do not leave a debt to your brother, with whom you are angry for something, then you are completely in vain in fasting and praying: God will not accept you.
Venerable Ephraim the Syrian
We have a universal commandment to bear each other's burdens; the more willingly such close persons as spouses should perform it mutually to each other. Unwillingness to endure inflames troubles and trifles pile up into the dividing wall.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
A brief formulation of the path to salvation given by St. Anthony the Great: ÃÓLife and death” (of our soul) depend on our neighbor.
A wise woman, therefore, will try to make sure that her husband becomes like-minded to her in what leads to common happiness. But if this turns out to be impossible, then she herself must strive for righteousness in everything, obeying her husband in everything and doing nothing against his will, except when it comes to righteousness and salvation itself.ÃÃÂ
Clement of Alexandria
God does not want the death of the sinner, He wants his salvation. To think that God's mercy is not enough to forgive serious sins is like saying that if you throw a handful of dirty sand into the sea, it will become polluted. But the sea will wash this dirty sand, and it will disappear into its bottomless depths. But God’s mercy is limitless, it is immeasurably greater than the endless ocean, and in this Divine mercy one can easily drown all grave sins if one repents of them with all one’s heart.
Divorce is one of the biggest tragedies that can befall a person. It represents the end not only of the love that brought marriage into being, but the end of hope for a lifetime of joy and depth.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
You can never rely on a person. This is a great and fatal mistake. Without God's determination, a person will not protect or console. Man is powerless without God's help.
Venerable Nikon of Optina
For some, the heavy cross of family life may be the only light cross of life that the Lord gave for salvation.
Archpriest Sergius Nikolaev
Most of the insoluble contradictions in life, misfortunes, and internal difficulties that you hear about in confession come from the fact that people live outside the Church, and come to the Church to seek resolution of their difficulties. Neither the determination to change my life, nor even the thought of it; That's why the Church is powerless to help them. Enter the Church, accept the whole order of church life, and then the difficulties will be resolved by themselves.
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
Through fasting, a person turns into a lamb, a lamb. If he turns into a beast, this means one of two things: either that the asceticism undertaken exceeds his strength, or that he does it out of selfishness and therefore does not receive divine help.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
We are entering today into the passionate days of the Lord, a time when darkness has thickened and when the dawn of a new light is rising, the dawn of eternity, comprehended only by those who, together with Christ, enter this darkness.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
The days of Holy Week are coming, let us not depart, my dears, from our Savior all these days. Let us follow Him with our hearts and thoughts to Divine services and will be accomplices of the Calvary feat, accomplished for our sake by the Savior. And then, on the day of the Resurrection of Christ, the Lord will grant us the highest joy - with all our souls, from the fullness of our hearts, to sing and proclaim the victorious song about the Resurrection of the Savior of the world.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
It is difficult to learn to live like a Christian, but it is necessary.
It is beautiful and honorable to put up worship crosses, but when it comes to personal worship of the Cross, here we strive to avoid worship. But if you avoid it, then salvation is doubtful.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
And fasting is pleasing to Me, says the Lord, but one in which, by humbling one’s body, one forgives insults, leaves debts, feeds the hungry, brings the bloodless into the house, clothes the naked. When all this happens during fasting, then seeking Me and approaching Me will be successful.
Saint Theophan the Recluse. Thoughts for every day of the year
On the contrary, it was unworthy of Him to give one bread and one wine: for each of the people can do this a hundred times. He, like God, had to do more; and He did the most; for no one can have more love, even if someone lays down his life for his friends.
Saint Innocent of Kherson
Her cry is more terrible than any cry, because from the Resurrection of Christ we know that the victory of the general Resurrection is coming, that not a single one is dead in the tomb. And then She buried not only Her Son, but every hope of God’s victory, every hope of eternal life. The length of endless days began, which, as it seemed then, could never come to life again.
This is what we stand before in the image of the Mother of God, in the image of the disciples of Christ. This is what the death of Christ means. In the remaining short time, let us delve into this death with our souls, because all this horror is based on one thing: SIN, and each of us who sin is responsible for this terrible Good Friday; everyone is responsible and will answer; it happened only because a person lost love and broke away from God. And each of us, who sins against the law of love, is responsible for this horror of the death of the God-Man, the orphanhood of the Mother of God, for the horror of the disciples.
Therefore, when we venerate the sacred Shroud, we will do it with trepidation. He died for you alone: let everyone understand this! â and let us listen to this Cry, the cry of the whole earth, the cry of torn hope, and thank God for the salvation that is given to us so easily and which we pass by so indifferently, while it was given at such a terrible price to the Savior God , and the Mother of God, and the disciples.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Christ is Risen! Let us open our hearts to meet Him who suffered and died and rose again for our sake. And He will enter and fill our lives with Himself and His light, and transform our souls. And then with love we too will rush after Him along our way of the cross, for at the end of it our resurrection into eternal life undoubtedly shines.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
The goal of worldly life of ordinary people is acquiring or making money... Acquiring the Spirit of God is... It is also capital, but only gracious and eternal.
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
A cross without love cannot be thought of or imagined: where there is a cross, there is love; in church you see crosses everywhere and on everything, so that everything reminds you that you are in the temple of Love crucified for us.
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
This will help the spouses: neither of them should justify themselves. If each of the spouses justifies himself, then no matter how many spiritual books they read, they will not receive any benefit.
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
The Risen Lord removed the veil from the true God and from the true man and showed us the greatness and beauty of both One and the other. No one can know the true God except through the risen Lord Jesus Christ; and no one can know the true man except through Him alone.
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
Love endures and endures for a long time, and if he does not endure a little, nothing will happen, but he who endures to the end will be saved.
ÃÃÂ By believing that He is risen and alive, we prepare life for ourselves, for He is risen and alive for us. And whoever thinks that He is dead, and not resurrected and not alive, condemns and confirms death and destruction to himself.
Blessed Theophylact of Bulgaria
ÃÃÂ God loves a good-natured world, and God blesses righteous warfare. For since there are non-peaceful people on earth, peace cannot be achieved without military help. An honest and trustworthy world for the most part must be conquered. And to preserve the acquired peace, it is necessary that the winner himself does not allow his weapons to rust.
Saint Philaret of Moscow
Let us try, as much as possible, to help the departed, instead of tears, instead of sobs, instead of magnificent tombs, with our prayers, alms and offerings for them, so that in this way both they and we will receive the promised benefits.
Saint John Chrysostom
In the words of one modern writer, to say to another: “I love you” â is to tell him “you will never die” Â". To love and grow in this love, ascetically, sometimes heroically, means affirming the eternal significance of another person. Now this is not only given to you, it is entrusted to you as a feat.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
ÃÃÂ Make peace with yourself, and heaven and earth will make peace with you.
Venerable Isaac the Syrian
And this is because from marriage, so to speak, they demand “happiness” and at the slightest difficulty they run into divorce, forgetting that marriage, if we understand it in a Christian way, is always a feat, always a struggle, always an effort.
Archpriest Alexander Shmeman
The debt of love is repaid by nothing other than love, for love is satisfied by nothing other than mutual love.
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk
Of course, over the years of marriage you can meet, more than once, a person better and more interesting than your spouse. But your interest in him should be regarded not as a gift of fate, but as a temptation, a test of loyalty to the Lord. Yes, yes, fidelity in marriage is not only fidelity to the wife or husband, but to God Himself.
Archpriest Sergius Nikolaev
Carnal love unites worldly people externally, only as long as they possess the worldly qualities necessary for such carnal love. When these worldly qualities are lost, carnal love separates people and they slide into destruction. But when there is real precious spiritual love between spouses, then if one of them loses his worldly qualities, this not only will not separate them, but will unite them even stronger.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
ÃàSuch is the power of love: it is not delayed by distance, is not weakened by longevity, is not overcome by temptation; but, conquering all this, â becomes above everything and ascends to an unattainable height.
Saint John Chrysostom
Saint Nicholas is the people's saint, the perfect image of those who, hearing the word of God, hastened to fulfill it and teach others by their example. This is the reason that Saint Nicholas is revered more than many holy teachers and martyrs. This is the basis for the fact that the Church dedicated to him, in addition to this day, which we celebrate today, every Thursday of every week of the year, along with the holy apostles, â Nicholas the Wonderworker of Myra.
Saint Nicholas (Velimirović)
Are you not causing yourself grief through the uncontrollability of your son? You had to carefully curb him, accustom him to order, to accurately perform his duties, and heal the illnesses of his soul when he was still young and when it was much easier to do this.
Saint John Chrysostom
It will be good if parents show their child that they are upset by his outrages. But let them not put pressure on him and pray. Prayer done with pain leads to positive results.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
The Kingdom of God has already come when the two are no longer two, but one. And, however, this unity, which constitutes the Kingdom of God, is given in embryo, but must be cultivated by feat. For love is joy, tenderness, and rejoicing for each other, but love is also achievement: Bear each other’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Jesus demands love not only as a wonderful feeling, but as a love that permeates all daily life, affecting relationships with all people.
Saint Alexandra Feodorovna
To overcome other types of grief, you need courage; for the coming out of another â wisdom; to get rid of the third, humility. But in all sorrows, with all other virtues, patience is certainly needed. Not a single virtue can take place without patience; virtue, in order to remain virtue, needs patience. Whoever wavers in virtue and does not endure in it until the end, loses his virtue.
Saint Ignatius BrianchaninovÃÃÂ
Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
And you need to preserve your family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It’s just easy to say: “I’ll get a divorce!”
You can say it when you think and know only yourself, and if you also think about your spouse, and about the children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband - my family.
ÃÃÂ
And yet we should not consider the world around us as entirely bad. We must be judicious enough to take advantage of everything that is positive in it. Much of what at first glance does not have a direct relation to Orthodoxy can be used in the interests of Orthodox education.
Hieromonk Seraphim (Rose)ÃÃÂ
We must feel sorry for those who go against God... Understand, only hell awaits them... If a person does not find God in his soul, his entire earthly life has no meaning.
Elder Nikolai Guryanov
Most disputes between people are useless. They are caused either by the interference of strangers, or by frivolous words, or by the actions of unrepentant sins.
Holy Queen Alexandra FeodorovnaÃÃÂ
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
Very many parents, who love their children very much, in some way spoil them, not understanding, unfortunately, what harm they are doing to them, for example, when a mother, out of extreme carnal love, hugging and kissing the child, says to him: Ãà “What a good child I have, the best child in the worldÃÔ â, etc.ÃÃÂ
Venerable Paisius the Svyatogorets
When you choose a wife, you must be not only her husband, but also her father, mother and brother. Because she leaves the family in order to be with you and follow your path. So give her the right to see in you the mercy of a father, the tenderness of a mother and the friendship of a brother.
ÃàThe birth of a child â is a gift of God’s grace, but at the same time it is also a new calling, and work, and a cross for spouses. God entrusts and entrusts to earthly parents a baby, still defenseless in body and soul. This is not simple joy, not a game or fun: this is a formidable responsibility - at the Last Judgment, parents will answer before God for the living souls of their children.
Metropolitan Vlpdimir (Ikim)
Whoever loves Christ with all his heart, whoever lives according to His word, fulfilling all His commandments, will be in constant communion with Him, will be under His constant protection, will always be protected by Christ Himself and the angels of God; no true and true evil will touch him, for Christ will be ever present with them.
Saint Luke Voino-Yasenetsky
The only value in life is family. Once the family perishes, the world perishes. Show your love to your family first.
Venerable Paisius Svyatogorts
The roots of ingratitude â are in human insatiability; no matter how much a person receives, everything is not enough for him, he does not thank, but grumbles for not receiving more... But those few who are always grateful for everything will receive great glory and honor, great grace from God.
Saint Luke of Crimea (Voino-Yasenetsky)
The husband is the head of the family not because he is a man, but because he is the image of Christ, and his wife and children can see this image in him, that is, the image of boundless love, devoted love, selfless love, love that is ready for anything to save, protect, nourish, console, delight, and educate your family.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Our love for each other can be sincere and deep on sunny days, but it is never as strong as in days of suffering and grief, when all its previously hidden riches are revealed.
Holy Passion-Bearer Alexandra Feodorovna,
Life is an art. And there is no general recipe for all occasions. One thing is certain - the vows taken must be fulfilled.
Only that life is worthy in which there is sacrificial love.
Passion-bearer Alexandra Feodorovna
When you expect a little from a person and accept him for who he really is - with mistakes and shortcomings - then there are fewer disappointments. There is no need to idealize anyone.
Archimandrite Raphael (Karelin)
Love does not grow, does not become great and perfect suddenly and on its own, but it requires time and constant care.
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova
To do any harm to one’s neighbor, or to offend him to the detriment of one’s faith, even if the act for some special reason was permitted by Scripture, means not to have Christ’s love for one’s neighbor.
Saint Basil the Great
ÃÃÂ Although marriage has an earthly beginning, and celibate life is a disgrace to King Christ, ÃÃÂHowever, it happens that virginity is relegated to heavy earth, and married life is not Leads to the sky.
Saint Gregory the Theologian
One must be content with little and only what is necessary and not try to do much, because then a person will have more time to just sit at home with his wife and children, to do good deeds, to pray and generally be in the warmth and comfort of family, and not be in constant tension trying to earn more and more.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
ÃÃÂ A child will have memories for the rest of his life of those peaceful, radiant celebrations, of those, sometimes sad, sometimes solemn motives that the Orthodox Church offers on the days of great holidays.
K.D. Ushinsky
Meekness and humility of heart are such virtues, without which it is impossible not only to explore the Kingdom of Heaven, but also to be happy on earth, or to feel peace of mind within oneself.
Venerable Anthony of Optina
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna
He who does good to other people acquires a wonderful character, and this is his best reward already in this world.
Archbishop John (Shakhovskoy)
You are a wife, you are a mother, you are a mistress. Responsibilities for all these parts are depicted in the apostolic writings. Look through them and take it upon yourself to perform them. For it is doubtful that salvation could be achieved apart from the fulfillment of the duties that are imposed by rank and fortune.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
As a close, united and indissoluble union, Christian marriage imposes on husband and wife
the duty of the most sincere Christian love. Christian spouses respecting themselves
universal human dignity, and especially our redemption, without distinction of sexes, by the Lord Jesus Christ and our sonship to God, must mutually and equally respect and love each other; on the other hand, in accordance with his natural properties and difference from his wife, the husband must protect, lead and manage his wife, as he is weaker than him. But this dominance and supremacy of the husband over his wife is not at all the despotism and violence that a wife sometimes suffers from her husband, especially among the common people; a Christian husband must be the same head of his wife as Jesus Christ is in relation to His Church. But how does Jesus Christ reveal Himself, being the Head of the Church? He loved His Church to the point that He gave Himself up for it. Once upon a time the Church, i.e. all of humanity was impure, vicious and ugly. And Christ did not turn away from her ugliness, but recreated her, corrected her, and forgave her sins. He not only washed away her uncleanness, but also blotted out her old age, destroying the old sinful man. He did not resort to violence, reproach and threats for this, but achieved this through great care for her and selfless love. To cleanse her, He found a decent bath in the sacrament of St. baptism (1 Cor. 6:11; Acts 2:38; 22:16); to illuminate her, He gave her His gospel divine word of truth and faith (John 17:17; Rom. 10:8; Eph. 6:17, etc.). He extended his concerns for the purity, holiness and integrity of the Church to the point that he even sacrificed his own life for this.
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
It is simply a crime to suppress children's joy and force children to be gloomy and important. Very soon life's problems will fall on their shoulders. Very soon life will bring them worries, worries, difficulties, and the burden of responsibility. So let them remain young and carefree as long as possible. Their childhood should, as far as possible, be filled with joy, light, and fun games.
Holy Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
And you need to preserve your family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It’s just easy to say: “I’ll get a divorce!”
You can say it when you think and know only yourself, but if you also think about your spouse, and about your children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband knows his family.
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
Parental love is sacred, but we must not forget that in relation to marital love it is secondary. It is unacceptable for passion for a child to overshadow the marital feeling, instead of strengthening and elevating it.
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
There are spouses who first of all try to put all other problems in order and only then start thinking about children. Such people do not take God into account at all. And other married couples say: ÃÓLife today is not easy. Let us have one child and that’s enough. Just try to grow one here!ÃÔ And they don’t give birth to other children. These people do not realize how much they are sinning by thinking this way, by not leaning confidently on God. God is “compassionate.” It is easy for Him to stop giving children to their spouses if He sees that they are no longer able to raise them.”
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
ÃÃÂ
You don’t need to become someone other than the one your husband loved. You need to dress with taste, and comb your hair to suit your face, and everything else, because you are not a monastic.
And you and your spouse should have common interests, and do not confuse him with your ostentatious religiosity, but observe moderation in everything and take into account the spiritual illness that has befallen him. Pray for him secretly.
In a word - maintain peace and love in the family, patiently forbearing with his mental weakness. Faith will come to him in response to your works and wise behavior with him in everything.
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
Think this way (Christian wife): if you endure your husband’s cruelty, you will receive a bright crown; and if you are quiet and meek, then why will God reward you? I say this not to give husbands a reason to be cruel, but to convince wives to put up with cruel husbands.
Saint John Chrysostom
The husband must love his wife to the point of his belly for her, and the wife, seeing such love, must correspond to her husband. Each of those getting married must deny themselves and instill goodness in the other, and goodness is instilled only by love. We are all human beings who did not come from heaven, we all have shortcomings and therefore should not impute the shortcomings of others to them, but attribute them to their upbringing: if their parents could not give them this, then they have the right to our leniency, to sympathy.
The mystery of the birth of love is a sudden insight into another person of inexpressible, unique, inexhaustible beauty. This insight is always true: after all, the image of the all-perfect beauty of God is hidden in everyone. Each person, seen through the eyes of love, is a miracle - a living icon of the Almighty. Thus, Christian marriage is an introduction to Divine beauty - a daily miracle that cannot get boring. According to the words of St. John Chrysostom, physical beauty through habit becomes ordinary, and the beauty of the soul is renewed every day and kindles a greater flame to itself. And this is the work and work of love: in a distorted earthly world, overcoming spiritual weaknesses and the imperfections of each other’s earthly shell, to preserve and warm in oneself the consciousness of a once revealed miracle, mutual amazement. This is possible only with the gracious help of God.
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
When there is a newborn in the house, the marriage is, as it were, reborn. A child brings a married couple together like never before. Strings that were previously silent come to life in our hearts. Young parents face new goals and new desires. Life immediately takes on a new and deeper meaning.
Of course, with children we have a lot of worries and troubles, and therefore there are people who look at the appearance of children as a misfortune. But only cold egoists look at children this way.
It is a great thing to take responsibility for these tender young lives that can enrich the world with beauty, joy, strength, but which can just as easily perish; the great thing is to nurture them, to shape their character. This is what you need to think about when you are arranging your home. This should be a home in which children will grow up to live a true and noble life, for God.
passion-bearer Alexandra Feodorovna,
On both sides there must be a desire to make the marriage happy and overcome everything that interferes with this. The strongest love most of all needs its daily strengthening.
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna
“If you live in mutual love, you will bring down God’s grace upon yourself and your descendants, and God will dwell in you and crown all your undertakings and deeds with blessed success, for where there is love, there is God, and where God is, there is all that is good.”
St. rights John of Kronstadt
“Without being ashamed and without fear of the world, try to give your children a true Christian education, imparting to them only Christian concepts in everything, teaching them Christian rules of life and kindling love for the Church of God and all church orders.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Nowadays, it seems, more than ever, those who want to live godly are surrounded by all sorts of inconveniences and difficulties. It becomes especially difficult to conduct the business of raising children in the Christian spirit and in the rules of the Holy Orthodox Church.
Rev. Ambrose Optinsky
Marital love is love blessed by God.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
The main misconception regarding family life today is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from family life as something ready-made that they must certainly find without work or effort. But there is no such ready-made happiness of any kind or anywhere on our earth: here everything is obtained through labor.
Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharyov)
You all want to arrange for the children yourself, but you don’t provide anything to God. And we must give everything to God, without ceasing, of course, our care, but without giving it too much importance.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
“If we care excessively about our wife and children, then God no longer cares about them. If we leave our worries, then God will care about them and about us.”
Rev. Barsanuphius the Great and John
“If parents do not provide proper care for their children, do not teach them reason, and do not instill in them good rules, then the souls of the children will be collected at their hands.”
Venerable Simeon the New Theologian
“Teaching through actions and life is the best teaching.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Fewer words are needed if you do what you should. A painter teaches more with his paintings.”
St. Gregory the Theologian
“Marriage is a Sacrament simply because it exceeds the boundaries of our reason, for in it two become one.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Many parents teach their children foreign languages, others teach them the arts, but they do not care about Christian teaching and upbringing: such parents give birth to children for temporary life, and do not allow them to eternal life. Woe to them, for they kill not bodies, but human souls with their negligence !"
St. Tikhon Zadonsky
The most important thing in raising children is prayer for them.
Sschmch. Seraphim (Zvezdinsky)
“In family life, everyone must forget themselves completely, think only about others, and this attitude of family members towards each other binds the family together so that they all feel that it is impossible for each of them to live without the others.”
Holy Righteous Alexy Mechev
“In marriage, you have to sacrifice everything and endure everything to preserve mutual love; if it is lost, then everything is lost "
Saint John Chrysostom
“This is the strength of life for all of us, so that the wife is of one mind with her husband; everything in the world is supported by this.”
St. John Chrysostom
“The husband should think about instilling piety in the house with deeds and words; and let the wife watch over the house, but besides this occupation she should have another, more urgent concern that the whole family should work for the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Saint John
“Parents who give birth to children and give them a body should, as far as possible, contribute to their spiritual rebirth.”
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
"The husband is the head of the family, not because he is a man, but because he is the image of Christ."
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
“Parents should try diligently to cut off their passions. It does not matter that they inherited some of these passions from their own parents. They will not only give an answer to God for not making the effort to cut off these passions, but they will also bear responsibility for passing on these passions to their children.
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
“When marriage is actually marriage and a marital union and the desire to leave behind children, then marriage is good, because it increases the number of those who please God.”
St. Gregory the Theologian
“Accept all the sorrows that you experience through your child as a cleansing punishment for your past, and learn to thank God for everything, consciously and responsibly accepting everything from the Hand of God.”
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
“The bread that you keep in your bins belongs to the hungry; the cloak that lies in your chest belongs to the naked; the gold that you buried in the ground belongs to the poor.”
St. Basil the Great
“Where fighting never ceases, it is impossible to be safe from defeat. No matter how skilled someone is in the matter of warfare, no matter how courageously he fights, no matter how often he inflicts mortal wounds on his opponents, but if he is in the midst of the battle itself, then of necessity he must endure sometimes blows from the enemy's sword."
St. John Cassian
“When you get to know yourself a little, understand your powerlessness to become what you should be, you will stop judging anyone, much less despising them.”
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
"Love brought down the Son of God to us from heaven. For the sake of love, the Ethereal One is incarnated. For us, the Eternal One descends in time. The Son of God becomes the son of man."
Venerable Ephraim the Syrian
“Where does the demon of condemnation come from? From pride, because many consider themselves higher and better than others. We also condemn from anger, from hatred - from the fact that there is very little love in our hearts.”
Saint Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky)
"Many people think that living by faith and doing the will of God is very difficult. In fact, it is very easy. You just have to pay attention to the little things, the trifles, and try not to sin in the smallest and easiest things."
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
“Those who are occupied with earthly things experience sorrows from earthly things, and those who strive for spiritual things suffer from spiritual illnesses. But the latter will be blessed, because their fruit is abundant in the Lord.”
St. Ephraim the Syrian
“Often common things require more heavenly grace than great things.”
St. Queen Alexandra
“The New Year for us is so far only in number, and not in essence, because we all remain old, with the old leaven of passions, inclinations, habits, and have not put on the new person.”
St. rights John of Kronstadt
“Let us thank God for all His previous mercies, ask for all-powerful help and blessings for the New Summer, in order to spend it in peace and salvation.”
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
“Before marriage, a person glides above life, observes it from the outside, and only in marriage does he plunge into life, entering it through another person.”
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
“Love is a strong wall, impregnable not only for people, but also for the devil.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Take patience away from love, and it, as if ruined, will cease to exist.”
sschmch. Cyprian of Carthage
“Do not exchange love for your neighbor for love for some thing, because by loving your neighbor, you acquire in yourself the One who is most precious than anything in the world.”
St. Isaac the Syrian
“If you do not remember being angry with your brother and pray for your neighbor who insults and upsets you, you will receive help when the devil tempts and begins to overcome you.”
Venerable Neil of Sinai
“For everything that is inappropriate (thought, feeling, word, glance, etc.), immediately mentally, from the bottom of your heart, sigh to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and enough. Don’t delve any further, don’t disassemble: I am this, I am that. All the same, we don’t know ourselves and we cannot judge ourselves correctly. Our Lord is the Judge. Our job is to ask for forgiveness for everything, but it is forbidden to judge anyone, even ourselves excessively."
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
“He only loves who wishes what is useful for his beloved, and he who does not seek good, he who has said at least a thousand times that he loves, is more hostile than all enemies.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Prudent marital love consists in both the lover and the beloved mutually admonishing each other.”
St. Ephraim the Syrian
“Let us instruct our children so that they prefer virtue to everything else, and consider the abundance of wealth as nothing.”
St. John Chrysostom
ÃÓWe are obliged to love everyone, but to be loved, we do not dare demandÃÃÂ.”
Venerable Anatoly of Optina
“What happens between you in the family, don’t take it out of your house into people,
and if you see or hear anything bad outside the house, do not bring it into your house.”
Rev. Gennady Kostromskoy
“It is difficult for someone who is proud to ask for forgiveness. The evil one also does not know how and does not like to ask for forgiveness.”
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“Only through the eyes of love can we see a person as he is in his very depths, in his very essence, and treat him accordingly. This is how God treats us.”
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
“If it is impossible not to be indignant, then at least one must try to hold the tongue, according to the verb of the Psalmist: confused and speechless (Ps. 76:5)”
Rev. Seraphim of Sarov
ÃÃÂ “If someone is offended by you and you know that he will accept your apology with love, then you can ask for forgiveness, and especially when he is sharply offended by you. But this cannot be done until you internally recognize your guilt and blame yourself. And if you know that those people whom you have offended will accept your apology with ridicule, then you don’t need to apologize to them, but blame yourself in your heart and mentally ask for their forgiveness: then you need to calm down.”
Venerable Macarius of Optina
“It is indecent for anyone to correct a brother at the very time when he is sinning against you; and at other times one should not do this in order to avenge oneself.”
Abba Dorotheus
“My joy! Do everything slowly, lightly, and not suddenly: virtue is not a pear, you can’t eat it suddenly.”
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
“Bound by the bonds of marriage, we replace each other’s arms, legs, and hearing. Marriage makes the weak twice as strong.”
Saint Gregory the Theologian
“True fasting is avoidance of evil, abstinence of the tongue, suppression of anger, excommunication of lusts, slander, lies, and perjury.”
Saint Basil the Great
“In order not to indulge in irritability and anger, one should not rush.”
St. Ambrose Optinsky
“Do not leave children and their upbringing to chance, on TV and on the street. This is a sin, and a considerable one. Pray and, as much as possible, influence their choices in life. Of course, not with violence, but with indoctrination and awareness of the disastrousness of the modern consciousness imposed from outside "
O. John (Krestyankin)
“Every house is a home church named after those saints whose names are borne by those living in it.”
St. right Alexy (Mechev)
“The main thing in life is to always do good for people. If you cannot do great good for people, try to do at least a small one.”
Archbishop Luke Voino-Yasenetsky
“Children need joy and happiness no less than plants need air and sunlight.
The richest legacy that parents can leave to their children is a happy childhood, with tender memories of father and mother."
Holy Queen Alexandra
“A mother, giving birth to a child, gives the world a man, and then she must give heaven an angel in him.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Take care of your neighbor’s personality as if it were your own; cherish his peace of mind as if it were your own; show him affection as you wish it for yourself; console him if he is sad, as you wish comfort for yourself; apologize to the offended; compensate for the offense; replace the loss; condescend to the weaknesses; forgive the sin; extinguish the passion with pure love.”
St. is right. John of Kronstadt
“No matter who a person begins to build a family life with, he will go through periods of trial. After all, there is no ready-made happiness... Happiness must also be cultivated patiently and with much effort on both sides.”
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
“The birth of children became the greatest consolation for people when they became mortal. That is why the humane God, in order to immediately mitigate the punishment of the first parents and ease the fear of death, granted the birth of children, revealing in it the image of the resurrection.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Don’t you see that a bee, having stung, dies? Through this insect, God teaches us not to offend our neighbors, because in this case we ourselves are exposed to death in advance.”
St. John Chrysostom
“As much as one loves his parents, so much will he be loved and respected by his children when God sends them. This is a lesson of experience everywhere.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
“If you love someone, then you humble yourself before him. Where there is love, there is humility, and where there is anger, there is pride.”
Rev. Nikon Optinsky
Preserving family peace is God’s holy command. A husband should, according to the Apostle Paul, love his wife as himself; and the apostle compared his wife with the Church. That's how high marriage is!
Rev. Anatoly Optinsky
Having been born a woman, do not assume the importance inherent in a man; Do not be proud of your birth, do not be puffed up in your clothes or in your wisdom. Your wisdom is to obey the laws of marriage, because the knot of marriage makes everything common between the wife and her husband.
St. John Chrysostom
“Take care of your wife as Christ cares for the Church. Even if you had to give your soul for her, even if you had to experience repeated losses, endure something difficult, you should not refuse, for, having endured all this, you will not have done anything yet similar to what Christ did for the Church."
St. John Chrysostom
“First of all, honor God, and then your spouse - the eye of your life, the leader of your intentions. Love him alone, make your heart happy, and even more so since he has the most tender love for you.”
St. John Chrysostom
“What happens not according to you will be of tangible benefit to your soul.”
Venerable Anthony of Optina
“Do not be insistent that every question you have is resolved with a clear answer. You must trust in God that He will send the solution to the question that is NECESSARY in good time, and let the UNNECESSARY one lie unresolved and exercise patience and humility.”
St. Filaret of Moscow
“If there is unanimity, peace and a union of love between a husband and wife, all good things flow to them. And evil slander is not dangerous to spouses who are protected, like a great wall, by unanimity in God.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Children look more at the lives of their parents and reflect it in their young souls than listen to their words.”
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk
“Prayer for them has a stronger effect on your neighbors than a word to them.”
St. Ignatiy Brianchaninov
“Praying for one another is the best of communication.” (Saint Philaret of Moscow).
“The obedience of a wife to her husband in Christianity takes on a higher character, as one that follows from the fear of God and is equated with deeds of pleasing God, done directly to the Lord Himself.”
St. Feofan the Recluse
“Have a wife as a friend and with strong love force her to be submissive to you.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Two are better than one, for their labors will be rewarded.
If they fall, one will lift the other. And if he falls alone
and there is no one to lift it?
Two people lie down and they feel warm,
How can you keep warm alone?
And if someone defeats one, two will be able to resist, and the triple thread will not break soon
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“A husband and wife should be like a hand and eyes. When the hand hurts, the eyes cry. And when the eyes cry, the hands wipe away the tears.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Love each other, have pity on everyone, maintain peace at any cost, let the cause suffer, but peace will remain!”
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
“You want to see that you live well and are saved, but you don’t understand that this gives birth to charm, and our weaknesses humble us. God creates everything for our salvation.”
St. Macarius of Optina
“Happiness in married life is given only to those who fulfill the commandments of God and treat marriage as a Sacrament of the Christian Church.”
Rev. Nectary Optinsky
“Mercy and condescension towards others and forgiveness of their shortcomings is the shortest path to salvation.”
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“For it is impossible to be saved otherwise than through your neighbor, as the Lord commanded, saying: “Let go, and they will let you go” (Luke 6:3).”
Venerable Mark the Ascetic
“We must be condescending to our soul in its weaknesses and imperfections and tolerate our shortcomings, just as we tolerate the shortcomings of our neighbors, but not become lazy and constantly motivate ourselves to improve.”
Seraphim of Sarov
“Children are living icons, work hard on them, don’t distort the image of God in them with your inattention and negligence.”
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
He who abides in his virtue without sorrow, the door of pride is open to him
Saint Isaac the Syrian
ÃÃÂ “Be as sincere, kind and affectionate as possible towards your family: then all troubles on their part will be destroyed by themselves, then you will, according to the Apostle, overcome evil with good, if they have evil against you and express it. "
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
“Do not prefer anything to the love of your neighbor, except in those cases when because of it the love of God is despised.”
St. Neil of Sinai
"Parents should not be ashamed of playing and being naughty with their children. Perhaps it is then that they are closer to God than when they are doing what they consider to be the most important work."
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna
“Living simpler is the best thing. Don’t rack your brains. Pray to God. The Lord will arrange everything. Don’t torture yourself, thinking about how and what to do. Let it happen as it happens - this is living simpler.”
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“If you can’t live with your own sister, then it looks like you won’t get along with the Angel in Heaven - out of pride.”
Venerable Joseph of Optina
“The main thing is that the child is occupied to the best of his ability and directed towards the fear of God. From this, everything that is good and good, on the contrary, idleness and failure to instill in children the fear of God are the cause of all evils and misfortunes. Without instilling the fear of God, what will happen to children? borrow, - there will be no desired fruits in terms of good morality and a well-ordered life, but if you instill the fear of God, every activity is good and useful.
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“Nothing preserves love better than by forgiving the wrongs of those who are guilty before us.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“The corruption of children comes from nothing other than (parents’) insane attachment to the things of life.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Take care not to leave children on earth, but to raise them to heaven; do not cleave to carnal marriage, but strive for spiritual ones; give birth to souls and raise children spiritually.”
Saint Basil the Great
“It is appropriate to have wisdom, but not with your own mind, but to pray to the Lord to make you wise in how to act in raising your children, and to save them from the corrupting spirit of harmful worldly customs.”
Venerable Macarius of Optina
“To love is the business of husbands, and to yield is the business of wives. Therefore, if everyone fulfills his duty, then everything will be strong; seeing himself loved, the wife is friendly, and meeting obedience, the husband is meek.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Nothing soothes and reconciles us with the actions of our neighbors like silence, prayer and love.”
Rev. Joseph Optinsky
“Every soul that does not care for anyone but itself has either already perished or is on the verge of death. Where it is not too late, you need to save your soul by caring for your neighbor.”
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
“There should be no place for pride in family life. You should never indulge your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculate who exactly should ask for forgiveness.”
Holy Queen Alexandra
“In order for people to honor and love each other, not to be proud, not to be arrogant in front of each other, the all-wise Lord gave different people his various natural and grace-filled advantages so that they had need of each other. Thus, each of us involuntarily must admit one or the other. another weakness and humble yourself before God and people."
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt.
“Wives, glowing with spiritual beauty, reveal their nobility more and more over time, and the stronger the affection and love of their husbands becomes.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with the weakest vessel, showing them honor as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
(1 Pet. 3, 7)
“In upbringing, neither excessive gentleness nor harshness is required; rationality is required.”
Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow
“Even if we had everything in order, we will be subjected to extreme punishment if we are careless about saving our children.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Don’t be embittered by anything, conquer everything with love: all sorts of insults, whims, all kinds of family troubles. Know nothing but love. Always blame yourself sincerely, admitting that you are the culprit of the troubles.”
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
“A wife is more sensitive than her husband to everything, which means that a gentle and affectionate approach to her is required, and not a harsh one. Sometimes what is unpleasant for a wife is not what the instructions are given, but the way in which it is done and in what tone.”
ÃÃÂ Saint John Chrysostom
Father Alexy Mechev told mothers who complained to him about their children preventing them from going to church:
ÃÓYour child is your Kyiv and your Jerusalem. Here is your place of prayer and your place of worship—your childÃÃÂ.”
ÃÓGod appointed the husband to be the guardian of the wife. And often he, without realizing it, gives permissions or prohibitions to his wife such as God inspires him. ÃÃÂ"
St. Feofan the Recluse
“The most important thing for raising children is that they see their parents living a great inner life.”
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
(5 votes: 4.8 out of 5)Pashkov Vitaly, Pereslavl-Zalessky
Introduction
Taking into account the topic of “the patristic teaching on the Sacrament of Marriage,” it should be noted that there is no general and detailed patristic teaching on marriage. And although every holy father strove for a church-wide consensus on this issue, a coherent dogmatic teaching in our sense did not exist then. Each father was a bright thinker and often expressed his own point of view.
There is also terminological confusion. By the word “marriage,” the fathers in different writings could mean different things. For example, marriage as an image of Christ and the Church, also the very union of the Lamb and the Church.
The Orthodox teaching on marriage is little developed in theological literature. There are some works on this issue, but they are scattered and do not always correspond to Orthodox teaching. Usually, only a particular issue is considered, one of the possible sections of consideration; as an example, one can name the work of N. Strakhov “Christian Doctrine of Marriage”, Kharkov, 1895, where attention is paid to the moral significance of marriage.
A more significant and comprehensive work is “Marriage and Eucharist” by Rev. . The basis of this study is the idea that the sacrament of marriage is deeply and inextricably linked with the Eucharist, that is, the Communion of the Kingdom of God.
“The internally necessary connection between marriage and the Eucharist is, in our opinion, that “key” without which it is impossible to understand either the New Testament texts on marriage or the thousand-year practice of the Orthodox Church, both in relation to marriage itself and in relation to marriages concluded outside the Church - in paganism, in the Roman state, in other Christian confessions. Many misunderstandings that have arisen in relatively recent times stem from the loss of this connection in the church consciousness” 1.
Moreover, the question of marriage is a question of the true depth, meaningfulness and teleological nature of human nature. This explains the relevance of the issue of marriage and family life in the modern political and church space.
The most comprehensive study can be called the work “Christian Philosophy of Marriage.” It explores the ecclesiastical, canonical, legal, historical, social and psychological aspects of marriage. Much attention is paid to the relationship between Christian teaching on marriage and external secular ideas.
To clarify the patristic content of this teaching, let us turn to the works of the holy fathers themselves.
Of the Eastern Fathers of the Church, who left the most interesting teaching on marriage, one should name Saint, Saint, Saint and Saint, and of the Western Fathers - Saint Ambrose, Saint Jerome and Saint Augustine.
Marriage and family life in the writings of the Eastern Fathers
The formation of the doctrine of marriage took place in an atmosphere of polemics with “false gnosis”, which established false asceticism as the norm of life for spiritual people. This view was characterized by oppression of the flesh and, as a consequence, marital relations.
And yet virginity is placed above marriage by fathers.
First, this was man's original state in heaven before marriage.
Secondly, pure virginity detaches one from this world, its passions and corruption.
Thirdly, virginity frees one from carnal dependence, bringing a person closer to the equal angelic state of the next century.
Fourthly, the soul enters into a mysterious and mystical marriage with Christ himself. Virginity is already a partial realization of the life of the future century.
In comparison with this, carnal marriage is only an imperfect and temporary form.
For example, in “An Accurate Exposition of the Orthodox Faith,” discussing angels, he writes that they “do not need marriage, since they are not mortal”7. But this can only speak of the unusual nature of marriage for angels, as beings of a different nature. He further explains: “Virginity is an angelic way of life, a property of all incorporeal nature”8.
From this it is clear that the mention of the angelic state is given in connection with the “life of the future century,” when people will be “like angels.” And since we are called to this non-carnal state, angelic virginity serves as an example for us.
It must be said that in the same “Exact Exposition of the Orthodox Faith” Damascene has a whole chapter “On Virginity”. His thoughts are original. He asserts the advantage of virginity, polemicizing first with the widespread idea that marriage was given in fulfillment of the commandment to “be fruitful and multiply” and in connection with the Old Testament curse about not “restoring the seed.”
St. Damascene says there that “virginity was implanted in the nature of people from ancient times and from the beginning”10. And the command to be fruitful and multiply is given in view of the penetration of sin into the nature of people, and therefore death, so that people do not disappear. Thus it can be understood that marriage has become a form of existence for the fallen state of human nature.
Further, Damascene develops his thought towards a spiritual understanding of marriage: “So, the command of the law (on marriage) must be understood in a more spiritual way. For it is a spiritual seed, through the love and fear of God, conceived in the womb of the soul, which suffers from the stomach and gives birth to the spirit of salvation.”
He sums up his view of marriage in this way: “Procreation is good, which is produced by marriage, and marriage is good to avoid fornication”11 i.e., he gives a view of marriage, characteristic of many fathers, as a means of preventing fornication, but speaks of virginity as spiritually more fruitful state.
Gregory the Theologian writes about marriage: “It is good to commit to marriage, only chastely, devoting most of it to God, and not to a carnal union.”
And further: “Bound by the bonds of marriage, we replace each other’s hands, ears, and feet. Marriage makes even a weak person twice as strong, brings great joy to well-wishers and sadness to ill-wishers. The common concerns of spouses make their sorrows easier, and common joys are more delightful for both. For spouses who are unanimous, wealth becomes more pleasant, and in poverty, unanimity itself is more pleasant than wealth. For them, marital ties serve as the key to chastity and wishes, the seal of necessary affection.”
As we see, Gregory the Theologian views marriage as a significant benefit to spouses in their lives. It gives the high title of “key of chastity,” which echoes the idea of marriage as “the flower and root of virginity.”
The marriage union is exalted when it is dedicated to God, but not to the lusts of the flesh.
In general, this is characteristic of the early patristic writings, since, as stated above, they drew their ideas to a greater extent from Scripture. And in the first letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul sets out a very lenient view of marriage and the exaltation of virginity. And although the apostle writes that this is not “an institution of God,” the idea is very entrenched. This is explained by the opposition to the corruption of the pagan world. Exalting the ideal of virginity, the fathers tried to show in it the height of the Gospel and the superiority of the spiritual and moral content of Christianity, without denying marriage itself.
For example, Chrysostom explains this from the other side: “I will never call heretical virgins virgins... because, having recognized marriage as dishonorable, they began to abstain from marriage”14. Here we see an important remark - Christian virginity is not about aversion to marriage, but to show the true meaning of virginity, which did not consist in the rejection of marriage and carnal relations. Without rejecting marriage, those who have taken the path of virginity want to realize the fullness of the Gospel ideal.
Chrysostom generally says that virginity is a beauty that Jews despise, and pagans admire and imitate, but cannot achieve.
Chrysostom rejects contempt for marriage, for if marriage is not pure, then everyone who is born from marriage is also unclean.
Saint John gives his comparison of marriage and virginity in the following words: “And you, someone will say, don’t you hinder marriage? - Because I consider virginity much more honorable than marriage; and, however, through this I do not rank marriage among the bad deeds, but even highly praise it. It is a haven of chastity for those who wish to use it well, without allowing nature to rage. By presenting lawful intercourse as a stronghold, and thus holding back the waves of lust, he places and preserves us in great tranquility.”
Here we see the commitment of St. John to the ideal of virginity, but also the need to support the general church understanding of marriage as a good deed. However, this does not explain the essence of the comparison.
“Neither marriage, without the permission of God, can increase the number of existing people, nor virginity can harm their reproduction when He wants them to be many; but God deigned it as (Scripture) says, because of us and as a result of our disobedience.”
Here, too, carnal marriage is declared to be a condition of man’s sinful state. One can see the thought of Chrysostom that those who have achieved the same angelic state through virginity are able to spiritually fulfill the commandment “be fruitful and multiply.”
It must be said that a number of holy fathers have this idea of “spiritual reproduction.” She is well versed in the work as a failure. For example, the fact that the words “be fruitful and multiply” are spoken to man as part of the animal world, therefore “there is no “commandment” to multiply, which Protestants like to talk about, in the Bible.”
The line of strict evangelical fulfillment of life in marriage and virginity is continued by the saint. in his "Moral Rules". From there we are interested in rule 73 “about those living in marriage.”
Main points from there:
1. Husband and wife are inseparable, except for the cause of adultery and impediment to piety.
2. The husband’s love must reach the fullness revealed by Christ in his love for the Church.
3. As to Christ, so the wife must bring complete obedience to her husband.
4. True beauty is in godliness.
5. The wife's training comes from her husband and home in pious pursuits. In the Church, let the wife be silent.
It is easy to see that this is just a repetition of theses from the books of the New Testament. St. Vasily does not do his processing here.
Christ speaks of the impossibility of divorce, contrary to the Old Testament custom. This represents a completely new nature of Christian marriage and is directly opposed to the Jewish Deuteronomy: “Moses, because of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so. But I tell you: whoever divorces his wife for reasons other than adultery and marries another commits adultery” (; ; ). The only exception allowed in the Gospel of Matthew is “the guilt of adultery.” This guilt also does not imply a legal approach, but is evidence of the fact of a broken marriage. As Ap writes. Paul, “…whoever has intercourse with a harlot becomes one body [with her]? for it is said: the two will become one flesh” - ().
Adultery is also the ontological destruction of marriage.
The attitude of ap seems very important. Paul to widowhood ().
“...To the unmarried and to the widows I say: it is good for them to remain as I do...”
Here the essence of marriage is revealed not as a temporary earthly union, but as an eternal union, which is why the connection between husband and wife is preserved in the future life. Therefore, the apostle insists on celibacy for divorced people.
From the words of the apostle: “If they cannot abstain, let them marry; for it is better to get married than to get inflamed” () and the modern rite about “second marriages” makes it clear that the Church allows a second marriage only as a relaxation of the “flesh”. This affirms the ideal of absolute uniqueness and mystery of Christian marriage.
Basil the Great speaks about the many dangers and labors of marriage: “You, who have chosen life together with your wife, do not be careless, as if you have the right to calm down. Your salvation requires more work and caution, because you have chosen your home among the snares and powers of apostate forces (demons). You have before your eyes incentives to sin, and all your senses are tense day and night to desire them. Therefore, know that you will not avoid the fight against the apostate and you will not win victory over him without much labor to guard the Gospel dogmas.”
The Eastern fathers are alien to the utilitarian attitude towards marriage as a means of procreation, which can be found in modern church catechesis.
However, it should be said that marriage has always been recognized as a sacrament, while at the same time monasticism was called a sacrament by only a very few church writers.
St. Gregory the Theologian shows the sublimity of marriage for the cause of piety: “Bound by the bonds of marriage, we replace each other’s hands, ears, and feet. Marriage makes the weak doubly strong... The common concerns of the spouses ease their sorrows; and common joys are more delightful for both... Being one flesh, they have one soul, and through mutual love they equally arouse in each other zeal for piety. For marriage does not remove you from God, but on the contrary, it binds you more, because it has more motives.”
Apparently, here St. Gregory contrasts marriage with unmarried life that has not achieved virginity. Therefore, marriage is shown as a way of pleasing God through the growth of virtues in mutual love.
We see a more sublime teaching about the union of husband and wife in St. : “one who is not united by marriage is not a whole, but only a half. A man and a woman in Marriage are not two people, but one person.”
Thus, marriage becomes a way of achieving true human unity, a semblance of the union of Christ and the Church.
Eastern fathers had two positions on marriage.
Some wrote about the abolition of marriage as a temporary matter, relying on. Such thoughts can be found in St., Rev. , holy . And although the marriage of fallen man continues to fulfill the commandment to “be fruitful and multiply,” it becomes a field of action for sin, passions and flesh. Marriage here is understood as a divine institution in anticipation of the Fall of man for the preservation of the human race.
The second, which was expressed in the works of St. John Chrysostom, as well as St. and blzh. Theodoret, speaks of a divinely ordained marriage for a person in an intact paradise state. And this marriage is restored and exalted in the image of the union of Christ and the Church. That first marriage was a type of the final complete union of the Lamb and his faithful in the eschatological marriage.
Western fathers on marriage
The teaching of the Western fathers on marriage is also not found in the theologically coherent and processed form that we can see among modern theologians, so it makes sense to talk about the main teachings, individual ideas and ideas that are not always interconnected.
For Western fathers, marriage was established by God himself from the beginning, at the creation of man. Later this is confirmed by the words of Christ ().
Holy states that "husband and wife become one flesh according to divine law." (1,b). Hence, the denial of marriage as a creation of God is a heretical matter.
compared and, arguing that the words about the union of husband and wife were spoken on behalf of God.
This attitude was expressed quite sharply in the essay “On the Encouragement of Chastity”
“Consequently, when it is said “it is better to get married than to be inflamed”, this is the same as saying “it is better to be crooked than blind”... therefore, no one should interpret this text in their favor”20.
It turns out that marriage is good only in that it prevents incitement and fornication, but it is an imperfect thing and in itself is not good.
Gennady of Marseilles, in his treatise on church dogmas, clarifies that marriage is a good thing, but only as a means of childbearing and abstinence from fornication.
St. speaks even more precisely. Isidore of Seville in his work “On Church Services.” For him, marriage is lower than virginity, but it is accompanied by the evil that the apostle speaks about. Pavel in . This shows the reason for the imperfection of marriage - earthly worries and attachments.
There is evidence of Christian marriage proper in the Western tradition from a very early time. In particular, the same one.
But it should be noted that this evidence is very meager. Only Tertullian wrote about this. One can only understand that the marriage was blessed by the Church through a priest or bishop, and this was accompanied by certain rituals and liturgical prayers. A special place was the joint communion of the Eucharist between spouses. From this it is clear that in the early Church there was no developed rite of the sacrament of Marriage, much less everywhere.
Spouses were endowed with special grace for fidelity, the birth of children, and the enduring of grief. For Western fathers, marriage was a “great sacrament,” which can be seen as including marriage among the sacraments of the Church. This can be seen even in the early authors: Tertullian and.
Moreover, Tertullian, speaking about marriage, compares it with our origin from Adam and birth from Christ, thereby elevating marriage ontologically to the most important phenomena of life. Hence the uniqueness of marriage.
The family is not only the basic unit of society, but also the most important school of Christian love. It is easy to love people who live at a distance and rarely appear in our lives. Loving loved ones and, out of love for them, smoothing out the shortcomings of your character is much more difficult.
Sirs and ladies, let me today bring to your attention a small collection of wise sayings dedicated to the institution of the family by the Holy Fathers, Church leaders, scientists and writers. Somewhere they will be encouragement, and somewhere they will be advice that each of us sometimes needs:
“Family relationships must be subordinated to spiritual needs. Marriage has a lot of consolation, but it is also accompanied by many anxieties and sorrows, sometimes very deep. Keep this in mind, so that when something like this comes, you do not greet it as a surprise. Now you two are alone. And joys are stronger, and sorrows are more easily divided in half.
Take care of your love with your wife. This is the source of a happy family life. But you need to take care of it so that it doesn’t get clogged. Above all, be afraid of losing trust in each other or having it shaken in some way.” Saint Theophan the Recluse.
“When you love, you don’t want to drink any other water except that which you find in your favorite source. Loyalty in this case is a natural thing. In a loveless marriage, in less than two months the water of the spring becomes bitter.” Stendhal
“One person asked me: “Geronda, what most of all connects a husband and his wife?” “Gratitude,” I answered him. One person loves another for what he gives him. A wife gives her husband trust, devotion, obedience. The husband gives his wife confidence that she is under his cover and protection. The wife is the mistress of the house, but also the main servant in it. The husband is the ruler of the house, but also the bearer of its burdens.
Spouses must have purified love among themselves in order to receive mutual consolation from each other and be able to fulfill their spiritual duties. In order to live in harmony, they must, first of all, put love at the foundation of life - that precious love that lies in spiritual nobility, in sacrifice, and not false, worldly, carnal love. If there is love and sacrifice, then one person always puts himself in the place of another, understands him, and experiences pain for him. And by accepting his neighbor into his suffering heart, a person accepts Christ into his heart, Who again fills him with His inexpressible joy.” Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
“Good spouses have two souls, but one will.” Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
“In marriage, one must sacrifice everything and endure everything in order to preserve mutual love; if it is lost, everything is lost. True wealth and the greatest happiness is when a husband and wife do not disagree with each other, they are united with each other as one flesh. Such spouses, even if they lived poorly and were ignorant, can be the happiest of all, because they enjoy true happiness and live in constant peace.
Value unanimity in the family above all else and do everything in this way and strive to ensure that peace and silence are constantly preserved in the marriage. Then the children will imitate the virtues of their parents, and virtue will flourish throughout the house, and there will be prosperity in all matters.” Saint John Chrysostom
“You can’t live even a minute without a crown. Don't have abortions. It will be terribly scary to answer before the Living God for violating the holy commandment of God: “Thou shalt not kill!” Elder Nikolai Guryanov
“A just husband commands his wife not as the owner of property, but as the soul of the body: taking into account her feelings and invariably benevolently.” Plutarch
“At a wedding, they drink from a common cup: wine mixed with water and drunk to the bottom. Wine - the joys of living together, water (and more of it) - common sorrows, troubles and pains...
There will be roses only at the beginning of the journey, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and severity will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of love, then you will not be far from happiness.” Elder John (Peasant)
“The dependence of family life makes a person more moral.” Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin
“Celibacy is created by promiscuity. Both sexes avoid the union that should make them better, and remain in a union that makes them worse.” Charles Louis Montesquieu
“The main misconception regarding family life today is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from family life as something ready-made that they must certainly find without work or effort. But there is no such ready-made happiness of any kind or anywhere on our earth: here everything is obtained through labor.
Imagining that family happiness is ensured forever by a happy choice of a party and that it is strengthened by the first inclination, many spouses now lose sight of the fact that at the first time of marriage they do not yet know each other as they should, or even themselves in their new position. Only standing close to each other, as spouses stand, and only over time can they study each other’s way of thinking, tastes, inclinations, habits, and, to the surprise of many, in the chosen ones of the heart, along with the virtues that attracted love, significant shortcomings are also revealed.
The discovery of shortcomings, unexpected thoughts, desires and demands sometimes strike both spouses as something extraordinary, dangerous for happiness and proof of a mistake made in the choice. With the further discovery of shortcomings, this idea is confirmed, and multiplying clashes, disputes and disagreements with a lack of self-observation and condescension towards each other are taken as proof that happiness is flying away, that the marriage has failed, that it is impossible to live together, that it is necessary to separate. Meanwhile, the rules of Christian life required both spouses, while grateful to God for the virtues found in each other, to be on guard and wait for the discovery of shortcomings as an inevitable part of every person; study them, treat them with all the condescension that mutual love requires, and accept with meekness and patience the correction of each other.” Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharyov)
“From our parents we received the greatest and most priceless gift - life. They fed and raised us, sparing neither strength nor love. And now that they are old and sick, it is our duty to cure them and nurse them back to health!” Leonardo da Vinci
“The legitimate purpose of union with a woman should be the birth and raising of children. When a person entering into marriage has only sensual pleasures in mind, and strives only to please the lusts of his flesh, then he is deeply mistaken and by such a union with a woman he introduces disorder into life relationships, the bad consequences of which quite naturally respond to himself and his offspring.” Venerable Maximus the Confessor
“Life with a wife is not easy, but life without her is completely impossible.” Marcus Porcius Cato the Elder
“My wife and children teach humanity; bachelors are gloomy and stern.” Francis Bacon
“The spirit of obvious or secret pride and vanity possesses us, so that almost each of us thinks a lot and highly of himself and little and lowly of others... Hence, in the family and society, instead of love, harmony and mutual services, mutual intransigence, mutual ill will, and envy reign and hatred of each other, quarrels, strife, discord.” Archimandrite Kirill (Pavlov)
“A good wife is like an ant in the house, and an evil wife is like a leaky barrel.” Menander
“In family life, everyone must forget himself completely, think only about others - such an attitude towards each other of family members binds the family together so that they all feel that it is impossible for each of them to live without the others.
The groom, wise from experience, tries to treat himself as strictly as possible, and more attentively towards his new life partner, and if some shortcomings are noticed in the bride, then attribute them not to her, but to her parents, and try to cover everything with love. Seeing the love and disposition of her husband, in turn, the wife tries to repay the same and, noticing the roughness of her husband’s character, the wife, not wise by experience, covering everything with love, quietly tries to correct these shortcomings, roughness and acts as a leader of the heart very skillfully, and through this mutual loving relationship towards each other, two beings, perhaps at first completely opposite to each other, come closer and become close and live to the point that one heart and one spirit are formed.” Righteous Alexy Mechev.
“A happy marriage is a marriage in which the husband understands every word that the wife does not say.” Alfred Hitchcock
Compiled by Andrey Szegeda
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets (1924-1994)
“The only value in life is family. Once the family perishes, the world perishes. Show your love to your family first.” And another time he said: “When the family is destroyed, everything will be destroyed: both the clergy and monasticism.”
“You need patience, not anger in your heart. One man in Thrace became a Christian. However, his wife not only did not follow his example, but also greatly hindered him and treated him cruelly. But he endured and responded to her with love. In time, his wife bowed to his patience and love and said, “The God in whom he believes must be true and great.” And she also became a Christian.
“Spouses must have the same confessor. In order for two pieces of wood to fit perfectly together, they need to be planed with one plane.”
“Spouses must have a confessor, because without an arbiter there can be no competition.”
“To obey someone, you must either revere him or fear him. Submission from reverence is spiritual, but from fear it is military discipline.”
“Once a sorrowful father came to me, whose son was suffering from leukemia, and asked me to pray. I told him: “I will do something, but you must help too. Of course, you are not experienced in spiritual things, but at least quit smoking.” He readily accepted my advice and thanked me as he left. The child's health began to improve day by day. The father saw the miracle, but over time he forgot and started smoking again. As a result, the child’s illness recurred. Two years later, his father came again and told me about what had happened. I asked why he abandoned his spiritual endeavor, and said that God wants to see some effort on our part. Like this. The prayer of another person is not enough. We ourselves need to show diligence and pray.”
“Often we ask God for one thing or another, but He does not answer us. In order for Him to answer our request and give us what we ask, we must first of all have humility. All of us, both children and adults, have a lot of egoism and do not accept any instructions or comments. We all know ourselves, we are all wise men. When selfishness dominates in us, then even a small reason is enough for a big quarrel to happen. We open the door to Satan, and he comes into our family and destroys it. Leave unnoticed what you see and hear at that moment. Your advice does not help, but only fuels the fire even more. Just be patient a little, pray, and when the other calms down, only then will mutual understanding be possible. A fisherman does not fish in a storm, but waits for the sea to calm down.”
From the conversation of the elder with his lay visitors.
- Father, we are struggling with many family problems.
- We make life very difficult for ourselves by chasing material wealth. We don’t realize that the more benefits of civilization we have, the more problems we add to ourselves and our family.
- Father, what problems do you mean created by the pursuit of goods?
We get into excessive fuss, losing precious peace of mind. We're getting scattered. A woman is forced to work because, they say, we don’t have enough money. As a result, children lose their mother. For the sake of something insignificant, we lose the meaning and purpose of creating a family.
“However, most of us are under the illusion that we cannot make ends meet, which is why more and more women are working.
- We don’t make ends meet because we want to have a video, a TV, a new car, a lot of jewelry. We get sucked into the hustle and bustle, and we just can’t stop, we want more and more, and as a result, children are left without attention. This is a huge mistake - that's what we need to understand. Let's be content with little. Then the problem will cease to exist.
- What does it mean “let the wife fear her husband” (Eph. 5:33)?
- This means that she is afraid of upsetting him, offending him, afraid of destroying his love. To love is to feel sorry for your loved one and be afraid of misbehaving towards him.
- Should a husband be afraid of his wife?
- He must fear God and at the same time “love his wife as himself” (Eph. 5:33). This is where the hierarchy lies: the husband fears God, the wife fears her husband, and children honor their parents. Children are saved through honoring their parents, a wife through obedience to her husband, and a husband through obedience to God. This is also a special cross that we do not choose. Not all men want to be the head of the family, but even cry; but be it, not all women want to humble themselves, but they must humble themselves, because finding common correct behavior in the family in relation to God is pleasing Him.
Memorable and worthy of attention is the conversation that the elder had with one of my good friends about the religious education of children. Here I put its main points.
- There are many temptations and dangers for young people today, father.
- For children who have been infused with piety from a young age, do not be afraid. Even if they move away from the Church a little with age or because of temptations, they will return again later. They are like doorposts that we grease with oil, and rot does not take them.
- What do you think, father, at what age do children become receptive, and what should we, parents, do so as not to be afraid of accidentally harming them with our extremes?
- First of all, children copy ourselves, and, of course, from infancy. From now on, we must treat them like a watch. As soon as their spring weakens, we will immediately wind them up, but carefully and slowly so that it does not burst from excessive force.
- Often, father, children resist various pious customs.
- When something is wrong, there is always a reason for it. Maybe you are setting a bad example for them? Maybe the reason is some inappropriate sights, bad deeds, bad words in the house? In any case, let us give our children piety in the form of milk, and not dry and solid food. You should never put pressure on them or order them, but above all, be an example for children.
- In case of bad behavior, is corporal punishment beneficial?
- We will avoid this as much as possible. Even if we allow it, it should under no circumstances be permanent. Corporal punishment must be done in such a way that the child understands why we are punishing him. Only then will it be beneficial.
- Father, despite the fact that we do all this, our children become unbridled. Sometimes they cross all boundaries. We don't know what to do.
- Sometimes we will give a screwdriver into the hands of Christ, so that He Himself will restore order by tightening some screws. Let's not think that we can handle everything ourselves.
- If, father, a child goes to church, but at some age his behavior begins to change and he runs away from the church, how should we act?
- Calmly. If something serious happens, then intervene. But let us be careful so that the child does not become embittered and something worse happens.
- When a child gets involved with bad companies and leaves his home, without having yet acquired even a little of Christ’s grace, is there any hope for his return?
- Did he take love out of there? When there is love in the house and we surround the child himself with love, then even if he leaves and gets involved with bad companies, one day he will see that there is no love there. He will see that there is hypocrisy everywhere and will return home. But if he remembers the hostility and hatred in the house, then his heart will not force him to turn his steps back.
- If we came to know Christ late, when our children have already grown up, what should we do to guide them on the path of God?
- Here only prayer bears fruit. We must, with much faith, ask God for mercy for these children who are innocent in their unbelief. Let us admit that the responsibility lies only with us, we will humble ourselves and repent sincerely, and God will help them. He will still throw them some kind of life preserver so that they too will be saved.”
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets of blessed memory
I know one priest who, back in Soviet times, said that a child is sent to kindergarten in two cases: either if the parents died or if they went crazy. A kindergarten may be a necessity - if the parents are in a very difficult financial situation or the mother is raising a child alone - but not the norm. Sometimes a child is sent to an orphanage, but we don’t think that this is right.
Panteleimon, Bishop of Orekhovo-Zuevsky
Research conducted by experts has repeatedly shown that the more affectionate parents are with their children, the more developed the children are.
Yu.F. Mironov, father of 10 children
Our ancestors lived much poorer than ours, but they firmly believed that God would not leave them without help in the most extreme need and poverty. “If God gives children, He will also give for children” is an irrefutable truth confirmed by experience.
There are spouses who first of all try to put all other problems in order and only then start thinking about children. Such people do not take God into account at all. And other married couples say: “Life today is not easy. Let us have one child - and that’s enough. Just try to grow one here!” And they don’t give birth to other children. These people do not realize how much they are sinning by thinking this way, by not leaning confidently on God. God is “compassionate.” It is easy for Him to stop giving children to their spouses if He sees that they are no longer able to raise them.
By strengthening the marriage union of spouses and keeping them from many bad things, children contribute to the development of self-sacrifice, love for others and mutual assistance in a family man. The need to endure labor and hardship for your family prevents the development of pride and coldness; the desire to surround his family with possible comfort and security encourages a family man to get closer to others, neighbors and co-workers, to use their services and help them, not limiting himself to caring only about his family. Realizing that the well-being of his family is closely connected with the well-being of the people around him, he becomes softer, more responsive to the needs of others, and is constantly ready to help them as best he can. This disposition to serve others constantly grows stronger in him; he already loves his neighbors, fellow villagers, compatriots; he considers it his duty to take care of the good of society, to bring him all possible good and benefit - and with the further development of this good direction, that high Christian moral character is formed in a person, in which doing good to another is better pleasure, and a person stops at nothing when I need help and service to my neighbor.
Deacon I. Rozanov (XIX-XX centuries)
They neglect children if they only want to amuse them and be amused by them, and especially when the time comes to teach them more than to amuse them... That parental love is wise and saving, which, constraining itself, somewhat withholds affection towards children, is somewhat stingy with consolation to them in order to preserve this as an encouragement and reward for their obedience or success in useful teaching.
They neglect their children, even if they teach them, but it is more pleasant than useful...
They neglect their children if they are more diligent in teaching them what is useful for temporary life, rather than what is saving for the immortal soul...
Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow. (+ 1867)
According to the testimony of some church writers, the state of the child’s soul is largely predetermined by the state of the parents’ hearts at the sacred hour of conception. A husband and wife, whose love is sacred, whose bed is pure and immaculate, should take care of chastity of heart.
Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov (XX-XXI centuries)
Thank you, dearest mother! I will forever remain your debtor. When I noticed your gaze, your body movements, your walk before God, your suffering, your silence, your gifts, your labors, your blessing hand, your quiet, constant prayer - then, from the earliest years, every time it was as if I was reborn again. The life of the spirit in me is a feeling of piety, and this feeling could not be destroyed later by any concepts, no doubt, no seduction, no harmful examples, not even any sins. This life of the spirit still lives in me, although more than forty years have already passed since you left this temporary life.
Priest Grigory Dyachenko (XIX century)
Sometimes you’d be naughty, and my mother would say: “Go, don’t be naughty, you’re not listening, you’re being naughty, but I have to give the answer to God for you. You create sins with your pranks - then you won’t be able to deal with them yourself.” And youth takes its toll: no matter how hard I hold back, I’ll screw up again... Then my mother would kneel down in front of the icons and begin to complain out loud about me to God with tears and pray: “Lord, I begged You for my son, but he’s still naughty and doesn’t listen.” me. What should I do with him?.. And he himself may die and destroy me... Lord, don’t leave him, give him some sense, so that he doesn’t play pranks...” And everything like that, he prays out loud, cries. And I stand nearby, quiet down, listening to her complaints. I’ll feel ashamed, and I’ll feel sorry for my mother.
“Mother, and mother... I won’t do it anymore,” I whisper to her timidly. And she keeps asking God for me. I promise again not to be naughty, and I myself will begin to pray next to my mother.
Schema-Archimandrite Gabriel († 1915)
By passing on their flesh and blood to the child, participating in the formation of his immortal soul, parents also pass on to him a part of their soul, their heart. It’s good if the parents’ heart and soul are cleansed by grace; but what if it is filled with the uncleanness of sin? Will it be passed on to the children? Undoubtedly, it will pass on and bring within itself the seeds of evil and disease. How many parents are there who grieve, cry, complain, seeing in their children stubbornness, waywardness, disobedience, irritability, anger, revenge, various types of corruption, but let them remember whether these vices were in their own hearts even before the birth of children? If a mother’s excesses in food and drink have a more or less harmful effect on the fetus carried under her heart, then all the more can unclean desires and strong passions act to harm.
Hermogenes Szymansky (1915-1961)
Accept all the sorrows that you experience through your child as a cleansing punishment for your past, and learn to thank God for everything, consciously and responsibly accepting everything from the Hand of God.
Archimandrite John (Peasant) (1910-2006)
Non-Christian pedagogy is an unthinkable thing - a headless monster and activity without a goal.
Konstantin Ushinsky, teacher (1824-1870)
Parents should try hard to cut off their passions. It doesn't matter that they inherited some of these passions from their own parents. They will not only give an answer to God for not making a heroic effort to cut off these passions, but they will also bear responsibility for passing on these passions to their children.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets (1924-1994)
The only value in life is family. Once the family perishes, the world perishes. Show your love to your family first. When the family is destroyed, everything will be destroyed: both the clergy and monasticism.
The husband is the head of the family not because he is a man but because he is the image of Christ.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Marriage is not a struggle for who will be first, who will order and command others, as is usually the case, but, on the contrary, marriage is a competition to see who will serve whom the most and who will make the most sacrifices for the other.
I once read an interview - brides at the registry office were asked what they expected from marriage. Out of ten, nine wanted to be happy and only one said: “I want to give him happiness.” And the journalist thought that, probably, only she would be happy, because she wants to give, and not take for herself. This is what really happens.
ArchpriestDimitry Smirnov
It is an everyday rule that children must respect parents, and parents must love children, - you need to read it the other way around: parents should respect children, - respect their peculiar little world and their ardent nature, ready to be offended every minute; and children should only love parents - and they will certainly love them once they feel it self respect.
Vasily Rozanov
Parents who give birth to children and give them a body should, as far as possible, contribute to their spiritual rebirth.
If a person from a young age assimilates the deepest meaning of life, then everything goes as it should. Otherwise, he takes pleasure in perishable things, in human praise, which in reality do not bring him peace, and remains a perishable person.
If a person does not cut off his passions in his youth, then, over the years, his willpower will weaken and his passions will become stronger.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
He who spares his rod hates his son; and whoever loves punishes him from childhood. ()
Instruct a young man at the beginning of his path: he will not deviate from it when he is old. ()
The rules of piety are the outer manifestation of the inner life of a Christian. By paying main attention to the internal state, we will lead them to external piety, and not vice versa.
Let us teach the child, first of all, to pay attention to his own shortcomings and to be lenient towards the weaknesses of his neighbor.
Our task is to try as early as possible to form in the child a correct understanding of the essence of sin: harm to oneself, others and grief to God.
The more children upset us and disobey us, the hotter and stronger the parental prayer should be.
It is necessary to draw children's attention more often to how the all-good providence of God operates in our lives, how good and evil, bad and good are interconnected in life. Forming in a child the conviction that without the will of God not a hair will fall from his head will help us develop religiosity in the child in a short time.
It is necessary to show the child that growing up, the manifestation of one’s own will, should first of all manifest itself in upholding one’s spiritual ideals, and not in following the will of others.
The main goal of Orthodox education is one - to bring the child to, to raise him as a Christian. A child must hear the voice of his conscience well, have a sense of sin and the experience of God’s all-forgiving and all-purifying love. He must know that most of all in the whole world he is loved by the Lord, who is always faithful to man and is always there. His parents will go to God, he will grow up, but no matter what happens, God is always there.
It is necessary to monitor the child unobtrusively, but constantly. It’s good if the child is used to discussing his choice with his parents, but the decision must be his.
It is necessary to offer the child several options for solving the problem, let him learn to listen and not be afraid to seek advice. “Independence is reasoning with advice.” O. John Krestyankin.
The spiritual age of a child is the ability to practice, consciously apply the fundamentals of Orthodox dogma, the desire and effort to live according to.
Our task is to make doing good the norm for the child.
It is necessary to find time and energy for joint activities with children, no matter how busy we are, no matter how tired we are. If children know that their interests are our interests, then they will not leave us for themselves or dubious companies. Let's be friends with our children, then they will trust us.
It is necessary to awaken a child’s interest in reading, music... It is necessary for the child to learn what a symphony orchestra is, not from TV, but by attending a concert.
As soon as the child learns to write, we will teach him to write and serve it in church.
Nicknames in our time are an attribute of the prison subculture. It is necessary that a child from childhood understand the holiness of the name given in the Sacrament of Baptism and the blasphemy of distorting it, especially replacing it with a nickname.
On name day, you should definitely try to visit the temple with your child. Let him write the note himself, light a candle for his saint, and donate money to the church mug himself.
Youth culture is not created by the young. Certain groups of people seek to bring the world of youth under their control for their own commercial interests. As it turns out, the path to the souls of young people lies through satisfying all their whims.
In education, it’s like in mathematics: if you violate the order of actions, you will get the wrong result. From simple to complex, from small to large, and so on in everything: in study, in play, in training, in prayer...
There is no need to be afraid to admit your mistake and ask for forgiveness from your child. He will follow our example.
If a child understands that he is to blame and is worried, he needs to show leniency and not punish.
Irritability is one of the manifestations of internal promiscuity.
The education of courage cannot be divorced from religious education. A child must know in all his fears that his main defense is that the Lord and the Mother of God will not leave him!
The young boy can be likened to a board prepared for depicting a picture: whatever the painter decided to depict - good or bad, holy or sinful, angel or demon - will remain on it. So it is with a child: what kind of parents will give him the initial upbringing, what kind of morals - godly or God-hating, angelic or demonic - to accustom him to - these are the ones he will live with.
Saint Demetrius of Rostov
...and it will be enough for you if you take care to raise your children in the fear of God, instill in them the Orthodox concept and, with well-intentioned instructions, protect them from concepts alien to the Orthodox Church. Whatever good you sow in the souls of your children in their youth may later vegetate in their hearts when they reach mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break off the branches of good home education...
...You notice in your son little or no feelings and other shortcomings. But in childhood, not many people have a true, real feeling: and for the most part it manifests itself at a more mature age, already when a person begins to understand more and experiences something in life. Moreover, an excess of inner feeling imperceptibly serves as a reason for secret exaltation and condemnation of others; and lack of feeling and dryness involuntarily humbles a person when he begins to understand this...
(letters to the laity)
If anyone does not take care of his own, and especially his family, he has renounced the faith and is worse than an infidel. 1 Tim (5:8)
While the soul is still capable of education, is tender and, like wax, compliant, conveniently imprinting the imposed images on itself, it is necessary to immediately and from the very beginning excite it to all exercises in goodness, so that when the mind opens and reason comes into action, it begins to flow with the initially laid foundations and taught images of piety, while reason will instill what is useful, and skill will facilitate success.
Saint Basil the Great
One mother came to me with the following problem: “I have a teenage daughter, I have been raising her alone since she was two years old. I'm interested in: how can you influence the choice of girlfriends and friends during adolescence? How not to go too far? I invited her to meet her child’s friends. I myself always try to invite my children’s friends home - to chat, drink tea, talk. When my children begin to perceive their seemingly interesting friend through the prism of my questions, my comments on what he says, they have a different plane of perception of this person. Very often such friendships, before they even begin, fall apart. The child himself sees that his potential friend has other interests. One should not be afraid to invite a friend of children to visit, if his parents allow, to chat, ask in more detail. And maybe the problem will somehow be solved. Maybe the mother herself will calm down when she sees that the child has chosen not such bad friends. Many children are simply happy: “You know, my parents invited you to visit!” This is an event for them.
If adults cannot trust a teenager with much, attempts at “unauthorized initiations” occur. This could be anything from smoking a cigarette to leaving home.
Sklyarova T.V., head Department of Social Pedagogy of PSTGU
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Children, naturally, are much more impressionable than adults. Maybe they shouldn’t spend time in front of blue screens at all?
– Here the analogy of medicine and poison involuntarily suggests itself. Television can be a medicine, but it turns out to be poison, since the child receives it unsupervised, in the wrong proportion, at the wrong time, of the wrong quality, with the wrong content. And this, of course, poisons the brain and soul. I have been saying for a long time that we need to do it the same way as on American television, when a recognizable icon appears before the program - for what age is this program recommended, whether it is family-friendly or intended only for adults. And the text says: in this program you can find scenes of violence, nudity and obscene language. Thus, at least there is an opportunity to change the channel in time or take the child to another room. I want neither I nor the children to be hostage to television programs.
Alexander Gordon
Many parents are unaware that for children under the age of seven, the virtual and real worlds are absolutely identical... They simply do not know how to distinguish between what is shown to them on TV and what is happening outside the screen. But on the screen everything is more interesting and dynamic than in life. The world of evil is scary, but attractive. Children, not trained to distinguish good from evil, begin to behave like screen characters.
Hegumen Evmeniy
The fundamental tragedy of adolescence is that a teenager wants to have the rights of an adult (as he understands them, but he understands them poorly), but at the same time retain the responsibilities of a child (that is, none, as he again understands them). This leads to a lot of trouble. Meanwhile, the child has a duty to obey. If she is rejected, it is very likely that the personality will collapse, and not only her: in good pedagogy, every possible indulgence in the child’s “rights” to receive everything is called succinctly: raising an enemy.
There is no need to be offended by comparisons with teenagers: various scientists, such as sociologists, have long discovered that there is a rapid infantilization of the world's population. Perhaps this is also somehow connected with the displacement of responsibilities from their necessary (for a harmoniously developed consciousness and a steadily developing society) correlation with rights. Be that as it may, no expansion of rights beyond a certain limit (which is both a complex and fascinating problem) provides guarantees of social peace. And as for the spiritual world...
Bitter historical and family experience suggests: endless satisfaction of rights, in no way conditioned by the counter-demand of fulfilling duties, never causes satisfaction. So there's no point in trying.
Marina Zhurinskaya
How often do we throw around lofty words without thinking about them. Here is a doldonim: children are happiness, children are joy, children are light in the window! But children are also our torment! Our eternal concern! Children are our judgment on the world, our mirror, in which our conscience, intelligence, honesty, neatness are all visible. Children can shut us down, but we can never shut them down.
Victor Astafiev
An unbroken horse becomes stubborn, but a son left to his own will becomes impudent.
From the book of wisdom of Jesus son of Sirach (30:8)
When you cut a tree, its branches immediately dry up, but if you water its roots, the branches are filled with strength. So you, parents, can be likened to a tree: you are the root of your children, and when you “water” yourself with fasts, prayers, alms and good deeds, God protects your children too. And if you “wither” from sins, God kills your children too, sending you to hell along with them. If an apple tree produces sour apples, who is to blame: the apple tree or the apples? apple. So, do the right thing, parents, so that your “apples” become sweet.
Equal to the Apostles Cosmas of Aitolia
A mother should be able to caress her child not only physically, but also prayerfully. The child feels in the depths of his soul the spiritual affection that his mother mysteriously sends to him, and is drawn to her. He feels security and confidence if, through long, persistent and fervent prayer, his mother mysteriously embraces him and frees him from what is pressing on him.
Venerable Porfiry Kavsokalivit
