Lies from children are quite often unpleasant for parents. After all, if a child cheats, then the parents feel that they are losing control over the upbringing of their miracle. Indeed, the situation with children's lies is very difficult and it is impossible to imagine all the possible reasons why children lie. And is it worth testing your child with a lie detector? Maybe if a child constantly lies, is it really worth taking such drastic measures?
A child is a mirror of the actions of his parents.
Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi
When do children start lying?
In general, children have a very developed imagination. In fact, they live in their own world, not paying attention to reality. They have not yet fully developed the frontal lobes of the brain, the main function of which is willpower and rationalization of the imagination. Consequently, children cannot always resist the temptation to do something unsuitable for their parents. And naturally, they will scold their cubs for this. Moreover, this can happen at any age.
There is absolutely no difference whether the child is 4 years old or 10 years old. They can still lie. At times the situation becomes so critical that you need to visit a psychologist. However, this should only be done in extreme cases. Let this article be a psychologist for you. Here we have selected unique information regarding what a person needs to do if a child is lying. And how can we recognize deception in children?
Why does the child lie?
So beautiful, and so often “embellishes” reality)
If an 11-12 year old child decides to lie, then he does it consciously and understands that it is not good. If the child is 5–7 years old, then you can still blame it all on inexperience. But you still need to re-educate. If a child begins to lie at a more mature age, for example, when he has reached the teenage stage of his life, then the conversation can be completely different.
In general, children begin to lie around the age of 3 years. When a person goes to the senior group of a kindergarten, he can learn to lie professionally and involve other children in his lies. In this regard, they are very smart, since the mental well-being of the child depends on how much they can lie and how well they can lie. And since children perceive everything acutely, it is not surprising that the ability to lie is a matter of life and death for them.
So when a child of 8, 9 or even younger lies, it happens only to protect his own skin. If the child is older, then a so-called white lie is possible, when a person deceives another in order not to upset him. A white lie does not always bring benefits, but sometimes it is a matter of life or death for the one to whom it is lied.
Children learn to tell white lies at approximately 10 years of age. But this is only the germ of this half-moral variety of lies. But at the same time, at such a young age there are still elements of self-defense.
In general, they lie to a greater extent due to the fact that a person feels the need for self-defense. Let’s take a situation as an example: a child steals money and at the same time lies that he didn’t take it. Not everyone has the courage to admit this.
Especially when he is 7 years old or even 9 years old. At this age, the consequences of admitting to lying, and especially theft, are clear. What to do if a child steals is a separate topic. But the reasons are very often the same as when your child lies. This is a bad psychological state. And you need to work with him. But our article is not about what to do in this case, but simply about lies.
It is important to understand that no child will start deceiving his parents if everything is fine with him. After all, deception is excessive brain resources. It is much easier to reproduce information than to create it. Moreover, if a person lied, then he needs to remember what he said so that his parents do not find out that he told a lie. And this is difficult and there is a very big risk of being burned out on emotions because he lied. This does not fully solve the problem. And the child begins to lie, because this is the only way out in this situation. That's it. Therefore, parents should absolutely not scold him for lying. After all, it is much easier to deal with the cause rather than the effect.
What to do if a child starts lying?
Yes, the problem still exists. And it needs to be solved. It is wrong to encourage lying, but it is also not good to scold, as the child may withdraw into himself even more. And disapproval of lying will in no way affect the child’s self-discipline. So you need to use other methods. Which ones? Yes, very simple.
Honesty and trust should be the basis. Therefore, never encourage not only your child to lie, but also do not lie yourself. The mechanism is very simple. If you yourself lie, then you teach your child to tell lies. You don't need it, right. The child thinks that this is how it should be, that this attitude towards lies is the norm. Naturally, he cannot be considered one. So you shouldn’t teach children what you do yourself. Especially if they are 7 years old (at this age parents continue to copy).
Emphasize how important it is to be an honest person and how bad it is to lie. At the same time, as mentioned earlier, you should not scold him, but simply tell him that you are disappointed when he lies. In this way, you show your feelings, which will place the child on a wave of trust. After all, you trust him, you open up. Then why not start trusting him?
Teach your child how cool it is to develop a sense of responsibility. It allows even the smallest child to become a real adult. Therefore, children should not be punished. It is much more effective to model natural consequences. Remember that we teach children to live, and do not try to show our power over them. Therefore, punishments should be used as a last resort. When a person faces the consequences of what he has done, he does not label his parents with offensive labels. Why? It's his own fault. For example, if you broke a vase, let him save up for a new one. Naturally, this needs to be done with older children. At the age of 9, a child can save money on his own to buy a new vase. Otherwise - punishment.
However, even at an earlier age, children need to be shown consequences. First, just tell, and then model:
- If they spilled soup, let them wipe it up.
- If your computer is broken, let them fix it.
Mature people don't cheat. Constantly tell your child that he is already an adult. Therefore, why should he deceive? If he knows how to take responsibility for his actions, then he will have a huge advantage in adult life. You can tell your children that when they fully grow up and finish school, they simply cannot stand people who do not know how to take responsibility for their negative actions. Okay, maybe not so radical. But you can’t help but agree with the fact that only responsible people have a chance of success in life.
Train your child's willpower. She helps a person a lot in life. And if it is developed, then there is no point in lying, since there is nothing to hide. Your child will be completely clean in front of you. How to cultivate willpower in a child is a separate conversation. But it will be very useful, as it will help in the future to prevent lies. And there will definitely be articles on this topic.
Video consultation from an expert
To the question "What to do with children's lies? How serious is this problem and is it necessary to contact a psychologist?" answers a psychotherapist with extensive experience, director of the Arcus Medical Center, Tatyana Anatolyevna Parkhuta:Should I test my child with a lie detector?
Many people assume that a lie detector can prove that a child is lying. In fact, this should only be done in extreme cases. Such studies greatly undermine trust in the family. And you remember the first point of the rules for preventing the development of deceit in a child, right?If you suspect him of drunkenness, then taking him for a lie detector examination is a must. It is only important to understand that not a single lie detector will know whether a child is telling the truth or not if he remains extremely calm. And if he is a master of lies, then no device can expose him. However, professionals work there and some companies that provide such services have a staff of psychologists who check lie detector readings. So you have a chance to find out the truth.
In general, lie detector tests can take more than several hours if all tests are included. But again: don’t get too carried away with this. First, this service is very expensive and can cost $50–60 per examination. And if the child really told the truth, then the money could go to waste. And trust is very difficult to restore.
It is much better to train your own psychological lie detector. This is a feeling that is the only way available to a person to understand what another person is thinking. Checking whether a child is lying using a dictionary can even be dangerous, since these manifestations are individual for each person and one cannot try to fit everyone into one size fits all. Moreover, you know your child well.
Remember that if you expose your child easily, he will not have any motivation. Many children don’t do something on purpose because they know that their parents will expose them. You need to imitate mystical abilities so that the child experiences the illusion of total control over him at all times. Then there will be no point in lying to him. He will be scared to do this.
But the feeling of empathy will be able to grasp the verbal, nonverbal and paraverbal signals that the child sends you. And if you are a good psychologist, then you just need to ask the right questions, and the child will reveal himself. There is especially no need to take your child to a specialist or psychologist if he is only 6 years old. And even if your child has grown to 8 years old, you still need to wait. At this age, this kind of bullying is especially dangerous.
Every parent wants to be a friend to their child and have a trusting relationship with him. But at one moment the realization comes: the child is lying. Your beloved child does this not because he likes to deceive you. Children's lies mask serious problems in relationships between family members. To regain trust and improve relationships, you need to find the root cause of the deception.
Why does the child lie?
A child will not lie out of nowhere, unless this is a one-time attempt to probe the situation and satisfy interest. Who would lie for fun, what's the point? If a baby wants to play, he fantasizes, but this is clearly different from deception. A lie always has specific reasons, and the motives for systematic lying can be different.
- Fear of being punished for lying.
A child is afraid of punishment for wrongdoing, so it’s easier to lie. If parents threaten him with punishment for not doing homework on time, not reading a book, not putting away toys before bed, etc., the child is more likely to lie than to tell the truth. At the same time, he can automatically lie even when the parent has the opportunity to check the result. For example, the son left a mess in the room, but said that he put away the toys, although dad could easily check this. In this case, the fear of punishment for the disorder takes precedence over the fear of deception.
Parents often make the mistake of setting too high a standard for their child. You need to understand that a five-year-old child cannot always organize himself independently and follow a clear algorithm: put toys in their places, hang clothes on a high chair or put them in a closet, pack a backpack for the sports section without being reminded. It’s easier for him to lie so as not to anger anyone with his disorganization once again.
The parents' habit of insulting the child only aggravates the situation. “I knew you’d forget again!”, “What a bungler you are, when will you learn?!”, “Who are you so clueless about?” Such phrases humiliate the child and can withdraw him into himself, and then constant lies are inevitable.
- The desire to assert oneself.
Situations of deception to increase self-esteem occur after 6 years. For example, a boy wants to look “cooler” in the company of peers or older children, so he begins to compose fables like “my brother is studying at the institute” or “my dad is the chief of police and caught 100 thieves.” It doesn't look particularly criminal. This is true, if this happens rarely, and besides, children come up with something to brag about to others on the fly.
It’s another matter if a child constantly lies that he lives in a huge apartment, or that all family members have their own car, or that his dad is a businessman, when in fact he is a plumber. Most likely, the child is worried about his social status. Parents need to find out what is the reason for this concern: are his peers laughing at his family, humiliating him, calling him names? Or they don’t hire him to the company because he doesn’t measure up to his position? The desire to be on the same level as their peers pushes children to cheat.
- Rebellious spirit.
Most often, teenagers lie for this reason. Children from 12 to 16 years old are going through difficult times; nature demands rebellion and rebellion. A lie is a protest against parental boundaries, restrictions and, in general, everything that relatives are trying to impose, supposedly out of good intentions. It is useless to swear, much less punish, you will still end up in the eyes of a teenager as a despot and an unjust parent.
All children experience a period of youthful maximalism. Every question from a parent is met with hostility or regarded as an attempt at control and pressure. A child can lie without even thinking about how ridiculous his lie looks, this is not what is important to him. His whole message boils down to one thing: “Leave me alone, I myself know what to do.” The teenager needs to go through this experience. If you constantly argue with your offspring and prove that he is wrong, that his parents know better, he will only move away from you. Trust will be lost: why tell the truth to someone who does not understand you? It’s easier to shrug it off and slam the door.
- Bad example.
There are often situations when parents lie in front of their children, and then are surprised that their child does the same. A child grows up in a family and perceives everything that happens in it as a model of behavior. There is no point in scolding him for deception if his parents lie to each other or deceive others in front of his eyes.
An ordinary everyday situation: on a day off, my boss calls my dad asking him to go to work, to which my dad says that he is sick and is not able to get out of bed. The child sees that dad is not only healthy, but also pleased with himself: how cleverly he outwitted the boss! It is not surprising that, given the opportunity, your beloved child feigns illness early in the morning so as not to go to school. In this case, you need to scold yourself and the double standards established in the family: “You can’t lie, but sometimes you can.”
- Thirst for freedom and independence.
This is about being overly controlling in your offspring's life. Children deceive their parents for this reason already at school age. Parents need to understand in time that the “baby” has already grown into a completely independent person. Now the exciting “Where are you?”, “When will you come home?”, “Who are you there with?” he's annoyed. And instead of a simple answer, he is more likely to lie or say “Nowhere,” “I don’t know,” “With no one,” in order to once again remind him of his independence.
Don’t try to fight with your child, he will still do as he sees fit. Remember yourself as a child: every morning your mother demanded you put on a hat, but what did you do? They went around the corner and took it off. And when you returned home, you put it on again, instilling in your mother a false sense of control over your actions. Look at your child: what if he has grown a little, and you haven’t noticed?
- Conflicts in the family.
Children see and hear more than their parents think, but they themselves are often not heard. If there is a difficult period in the family or a constant tense situation, this affects the psychological state of the children. You don't have to be hysterical to show your emotions. More serious methods are being used.
A child can attract the attention of parents by lying, stealing, or damaging things. He can do this even if he is punished all the time. This is an attempt to protest against the situation in the family. Maybe the child sees constant deception as a way to unite his parents in the fight against him. This is a very serious problem, and you need to recognize it in time and try to solve it. Sometimes children, in an attempt to reconcile their parents, even expose themselves to mortal danger.
How can parents understand that their child is lying?
Psychologists know that no matter how hard a person tries to disguise his lies, his body language gives him away. Facial expressions and gestures are difficult to control even for an adult, and even more so for a child. The little sly one is focused on What says (a lie), and does not even notice how his body protests against it.
Knowing the main signs of a lie, you can recognize deception in time:
- averting eyes– during a conversation, the child does not look into your eyes, tries to look away, which indicates his insincerity;
- shifting from foot to foot- the little deceiver cannot stand still and constantly sways from one foot to the other, because his body resists what he says;
- changeable facial expressions– the child frowns, smiles, is surprised, the expression on his face constantly changes and does not correspond to what he is talking about;
- hands to mouth– the liar unconsciously wants to close his mouth and not tell lies;
- coughing– the child, without noticing it, tries to muffle and disguise his lie with a cough;
- touching the nose– little “Pinocchio” touches his nose, because during deception, special substances (catecholamines) are released, and the nasal mucosa is irritated;
- rubbing eyes– the baby rubs his eyes because he doesn’t want to “see” his lie;
- nodding or shaking the head– gestures do not coincide with what was said, that is, the child nods where he is trying to deny, or, conversely, shakes his head where he is trying to agree with his words;
- scratching the neck– this gesture means the child doubts his own words;
- touching earlobe– the gesture is similar to trying to cover your mouth and rub your eyes, and means that the speaker is trying to distance himself from his words;
- hands in pockets– the baby tries to hide his palms, and this indicates his insincerity;
- repeat questions– the child repeats the parent’s phrases to stall for time, and his brain tries to come up with a suitable lie.
Now you know how to recognize a lie when communicating with a child. Children cannot yet control their actions enough; they are impulsive and usually say what they think, exposing their emotions. That is why a child’s lie is a thoughtful move that definitely has certain motives. It remains to understand what to do next.
What to do if a child is lying?
If you catch a child systematically lying, be prepared for the fact that it will not be possible to solve the problem with one conversation. It is not enough just to find the reason for the deception; you need to understand what to do if the child is lying. You will have to make an effort to regain trust and show your baby that you are on the same side. A psychologist's advice will help establish a trusting relationship with your child and restore friendship between you.
- First you need to give up punishment, stop intimidating and humiliating the baby. It is better to pay attention to what the child does well, to his victories, not defeats. Instill in him confidence that he is smart, talented, diligent, even if he brings bad grades from school.
- Avoid qualitative assessments of the child in person, and not his actions. There is no need to label him “liar” or “deceiver”, because he can begin to fit the image: why change if everyone has come to terms with his position in the family? Tell him how much you love him, not the things he does. It is very important that the child understands and feels that his parents will love him, even if he does something bad.
- Be attentive to your child's concerns in matters of self-doubt and attempts to exaggerate one’s situation (for example, financial). There is no need to shout that the father is breaking his back to provide for his family. It is necessary to instill the concept that it is not the number of cars that makes a person beautiful, but human qualities, and that friendship is not measured by the square meters of the apartment. If in a company peers evaluate a friend based on the income level of their parents, then this is not a company worthy of your child. It is not they, but he who decides whether to communicate with them or not.
- Talk about the consequences of cheating. Children of all ages should know this. Tell your child about your feelings: lying alienates you from each other, kills trust, hurts your parents’ feelings, and makes you worry. Distortion of facts (lies) can lead to dire consequences and really harm one of the family members. Let your child understand that no one will punish him for cheating, and the choice is always his, but the consequences may not be worth it. Often the loss of parental trust is the most severe punishment. When a child is physically punished, he feels that he has made amends for his guilt, and silent reproach is much more painful than spanking or house arrest.
If the reason for a child’s lies is a desire to show their independence and independence, then it is worth reconsidering the framework in which the child finds himself. Maybe you are restricting his freedom too much, invading his personal space? If everything is in order with this and youthful maximalism speaks in the child, well, you will have to explain to him the consequences of such freedom. Feel free to share your experience, tell a couple of stories from your life when the struggle for independence turned into disappointment. Let your child know that even if he makes the wrong choice, he needs to be honest with his parents. They are the ones who will help you get out of a difficult or unpleasant situation.
- Learn to keep your child's secrets. Show that it is important to you that he trusts you. If a son asks his father not to tell his mother something personal, he must not be let down. One mistake and trust is lost, and it was not so easy to return everything to the way it was. There should also be secrets between mother and daughter, and it’s great if the daughter asks for it. Being best friends with your girl - isn't that what every mother dreams of?
And most importantly: show by example how to act. Be honest and open in your family, talk about your feelings, voice the moments that worry you. Discuss problems out loud and show that children in your family are loved unconditionally, and not because of good behavior, excellent grades, toys put away, or homework done on time. Keep your promises, don't have double standards, and remind your child how much you value his friendship.
Toddlers are not able to lie at all until a certain time. But not because they are so honest by nature - it’s just that lying requires sufficient development of thinking and speech. Until the age of 2–3 years, a child still knows too little and does not express his thoughts well to lie. In addition, for the appearance of lies, a certain level of language development is necessary: in order to lie “high-quality”, you need to choose the right words and have a good memory. From 3 to 5 years old, children actively accumulate experience, including emotional ones, and form ideas about the concepts: bad, good, shame, guilt, etc. The child absorbs patterns of behavior accepted in society (good manners, tact), which in themselves presuppose some omissions, omissions, i.e. “white lie”; learns to evaluate his actions and predict consequences, tries to manipulate adults in order to achieve his own goals. In fact, this is a normal adaptation to social life. It is during this period that it “slips through”, at first it is simple and naive, but as the baby practices, his deceptions will “improve.” What is this, the norm or gaps in education?
When you find out that a child is lying, you should not be upset right away - his development is proceeding normally. After all, children's lies appear during the period of active language acquisition and imagination development, and these are the main acquisitions of a child in preschool age. Speech forms the basis of logical thinking, and imagination helps to comprehend mentally what cannot be touched, heard, or seen in reality. It also indicates that the child is beginning to navigate society, because deception is a new form of influencing others, more mature and adult than what the child had previously (screams, tears, hysterics). Therefore, we can say that children's lies are a common occurrence, and every child sooner or later goes through this stage. However, this does not mean that a child’s lies are a norm that can be ignored or encouraged. Deception always has reasons, and if situations where the child is cunning and shifts his blame onto others begin to repeat, it is necessary to figure out what is behind it.
Children's lies are a common phenomenon that can be observed in children from a fairly early age. At 3-4 years old, a child is able to consciously tell a lie, and it is important to pay attention to this in time so that after 7-8 years you do not discover that the child is constantly lying. A child’s habit of deceit is formed under the influence of external circumstances. A lie serves as a defensive reaction, so in order to properly raise or re-educate a child, parents should start with themselves.
To understand why children lie to their parents, we will consider in detail the common reasons for deception, which include:
- vivid imagination, tendency to fantasize;
- need for attention;
- fear of punishment;
- fear of losing the love of parents or hurting them;
- desire for self-affirmation;
- imitation of adults;
- way of maneuvering between parents or other family members;
- manipulation for one's own benefit.
The sooner you find the answer to the question of how to wean a child from lying, the easier it is to cope with the problem that has arisen, especially since the habit of hiding the truth and evading responsibility, manipulating adults with the help of lies, negatively affects the development of the character of a growing person.
Fantasies and imagination
In the first years of life, the baby actively learns about the world around him, including through role-playing games, copying the behavior of real people and cartoon and book characters, “finishing” the situation with the help of imagination. So the overturned stool becomes a boat, the carpet becomes the sea, and the little one himself becomes a brave captain. Such statements by children aged 3-5 are not a lie - this is fantasy, play, the development of creative imagination.
Vivid imaginative thinking leads to the fact that the child begins to compose fables about himself and others. This is his natural desire to make reality more interesting and colorful, or, conversely, the child’s suppressed fears are manifested in the fruits of his imagination. Sometimes children become so accustomed to their fantasies that they themselves begin to believe in them as if they were reality.
In such situations, children cannot be accused of lying. It is recommended to channel your wild creative imagination into a peaceful direction - to compose fairy tales and stories with it, to draw and sculpt characters. If you notice that there is a lot of negativity and fear in your daughter or son’s fantasies, figure out what is the reason.
Need for attention
It is very important to distinguish the “disinterested” play of the imagination of a young dreamer from the tendency to embellish reality in order to attract attention from parents. If you notice that your child has begun to exaggerate when talking about his affairs, do not rush to accuse him of lying - this is not a deliberate deception, but a way to gain additional attention to yourself.
Often, children of preschool age try to keep their parents in their room when going to bed, and claim that they have seen ghosts or monsters with their own eyes and are now afraid to be left alone. You cannot treat such words as lies - this is a signal that the child does not feel protected by adults.
In addition, a child's wild imagination makes imaginary monsters quite real for the child - he is not manipulating his parents, but is really afraid. To make fears go away, communicate more with your baby, read good fairy tales to him before bed.
Fear of punishment
Accidental misbehavior and deliberate hooliganism of a child cannot be ignored. It is important to talk to the child, explain “what is good and what is bad.” But physical punishment, yelling and humiliation force children to work hard to avoid punishment next time, and deception is an easy and obvious way to do this.
Adults mistakenly believe that serious punishment will force the child to be stricter with himself and not repeat mistakes. But it is impossible to avoid mistakes and, fearing pain and humiliation, wanting to avoid lectures, children are forced to lie and get out.
If you see that your child is lying out of fear of punishment, think about your parenting methods and behavior. Very often, children's misdeeds simply serve as a trigger for tired, nervous adults, and they take it out on their children.
Fear of losing parents' love
It is important for a 3-4 year old child to know that he is loved. At the same time, during this period, the fear of losing parental approval is formed - it is important for the baby to feel good in the eyes of mom and dad. And any mistake made is perceived by him as a reason to consider him “bad”, “wrong”.
In order to look good, the child is afraid to admit to wrongdoing, and he will deny even obvious guilt, lie and shield himself. This is typical, first of all, for children who are constantly criticized by their parents. By accompanying your child’s awkward actions with comments like “hook hands,” “you always do everything at random,” etc., you give your child a good reason to lie to you.
The desire for self-affirmation
The child often lies and brags in order to gain a high status in the team and impress peers. It may begin in kindergarten, but it flourishes during the school years. Parental intervention is to stop this method of self-affirmation in a timely manner, replacing it with a constructive option - achievements in school, sports, creativity, etc.
Imitation of adults
Parents are role models for children aged 3-4 years. Striving to be like mom or dad, the child adopts not only behavior, words, intonations, but also actions. If parents set a bad example (asking them to lie when calling on the phone that they are not at home, or to hide any information from other family members), the son or daughter easily gets used to deception and cunning, considering this a normal part of communication.
Maneuvering between family members
Children are forced to resort to lies if difficult relationships develop between parents or other family members. The child has a need for security, for good relations with each of the adults in the family, so he will agree with their impartial opinions about each other, expressed in his presence, and deceive when questioned on this matter, since he does not want to upset loved ones.
Manipulation for one's own benefit
From the first months of life, children learn to manipulate their parents, to get what they want from them - this mechanism is embedded by nature itself, since the baby must express his needs in order to survive. If you ignore the baby's needs, by the age of 3-4 the child will master the art of deception in order to achieve what he wants. Excessive indulgence of the child's wishes can also lead to this effect.
How to recognize children's lies
How can parents understand that their child is lying? Pay attention to his behavior and body signals. The main signs that the child is insincere, trying to hide something, or telling a lie:
- The child does not make eye contact. You can ask him not to look away, and it will be clear from his behavior whether he is lying or not.
- Even if a child cheats consciously, he experiences internal discomfort. Signs of uncertainty in one's actions are reflexive movements - scratching the nose, head, touching the eyes, neck, lips, shifting from foot to foot.
- When a child has to compose a “legend” on the go, shielding himself, he speaks slowly and stammers. If you ask him to repeat the story, he will get confused in the details or remain silent.
- When children lie, they often hide their hands behind their backs or in their pockets. Facial expressions and reddened cheeks will also help to identify deception.
However, adults should understand that such behavior almost definitely indicates a lie if the child is still small - 3-4 years or a little more. Children 5-6 years old and older already have some life experience and may be afraid that adults will not believe them, even if they tell the truth. And body signals may indicate this fear and uncertainty, and not deception.
What should parents do if their baby often lies?
If a child deceives adults or peers, it means he has some reason for this. First of all, you need to figure out why the child is hiding the truth or deliberately misleading people. At the same time, listen to the advice of a psychologist:
- Don't punish people for lying. Punishment is not only physical impact, but also shouting, boycott, cold lectures, etc. You cannot create a fear of telling the truth - this is a dead end. It is important to try to explain that lying is bad, and honesty and openness with parents helps to calmly solve absolutely any problems that arise.
- Do not try to achieve the truth through threats or fear of punishment. It is difficult for a child to admit he is guilty; pressure from adults will only force him to shut down.
- Carefully create a system of prohibitions. The more prohibitions, the greater the need to circumvent them. If you ban everything, then after some time you will find that the child can no longer imagine life without lies - he will have to learn to trick adults around his finger in order to have at least some freedom.
- Do not force children to hide their true emotions - it is important for them to have the right to experience the negativity of a broken knee, spoiled by other children, or a lost toy, or a quarrel with a friend. If a child is taught that he should always be cheerful and positive so as not to upset his parents, the child will never be able to open up to them and tell the truth.
- Talk to your children frankly and heart to heart. In such conversations, the child can tell himself when and in what cases he lied to you, and this will help you draw conclusions and adjust your parenting methods.
- Explain to children that everyone makes mistakes. And that it is easier to admit what you did and get the opportunity to correct the situation than to lie and get out. Don't punish your child for accidentally damaging things, be it mom's vase, dad's watch, or your own expensive toys. It is important that a person realizes that he must calculate the consequences of his actions, and not become afraid of the anger of his parents.
How to teach a child to tell the truth
How to explain to a child that lying is bad? It is worth starting education from a very early age. Children three or four years old learn well from fairy tales. You can choose or come up with suitable stories that clearly illustrate how deception leads to sad consequences, how sad and bad it is for those who are deceived. And how good it is when everyone finds out the truth and solves all problems together.
With older children, it is important to establish trusting relationships - tell them about your affairs, how your day went, what issues you had to solve, what emotions you experienced. Use the expression “I want to confess to you..” - this will allow you to teach your son or daughter to talk openly about their affairs, to share not only events, but also their experiences.
Be sure to praise your children for their honesty, encourage them to tell the truth, and offer help in correcting mistakes. This will help the baby to be more frank and trust his parents.
Conclusion
The question of what to do if a child is lying often arises among parents when the habit of lying has already formed. It is important to know that even if a child admits that lying is wrong and understands that deception can lead to serious consequences, he does not find the strength to tell the truth. The brake is shame, fear of rejection from relatives, fear of punishment.
Parents should start their education with themselves - only they can remove the barriers that prevent children from telling the truth, trusting adults, being frank and confident that they are loved and protected.
