Mama's boy. Mama's boy: recognize and run away Mama's boy psychological forecast

04.07.202327.05.2017

A mama's boy whose psychology is so dependent on his mother is not uncommon in the modern world. The reasons may be different - a late child who was surrounded by excessive care from childhood, after a divorce from her husband, the woman devoted herself to her son, paying too much attention to him. Let's look at the features of this type of representatives of the stronger sex.

Sissy signs

A man overly idealizes his mother, constantly citing her words and actions as an example;
He does not make a single decision without consulting his mother, who knows about his every action;
He is constantly in touch with his mother, calls several times a day and conversations usually last a long time;
The man rushes to fulfill any requirement of his mother instantly at any time of the day;
In the event of a conflict between wife and mother, he will take the mother’s side, even if she is wrong;
Even if a husband and wife live separately from their mother, she will always be invisibly present in their lives;
A man does not do or say anything that his mother might not like.

Mama's boy, what should I do?

If it is not acceptable for a woman that she is not the leader in the family, perhaps this is the best option for a husband. If a man is dear to you, and you decide to connect your life with him, you need to follow certain rules in the psychology of a mama’s boy:

It is recommended to adopt the behavior of your mother-in-law and try to match her image;
It is necessary to minimize the interference of the husband's mother in family life. Try to solve all problems and questions before the man tells his mother about them. The best option is to move to another city;
Even if his mother is wrong, you should not criticize her, otherwise the relationship with your chosen one will be ruined;
It is very effective to make friends with your mother-in-law, adapt to her taste, take recipes from her for your son’s favorite dishes, praise him, and never criticize your husband;
You should not try to take the main place in your spouse’s life. This place is occupied by his mother, and it is unlikely that it will be possible to oust her; most likely, a conflict will occur on this basis.

Mama's boy psychology and positive aspects

Still, it is worth noting the positive aspects of the character of such representatives of the stronger sex. Mama's boy psychology and characteristics are almost ideal for women who prefer to be leaders. Such a husband will look after the children in strict accordance with his wife's instructions. People rarely get into arguments with their wife, unless, of course, the reason for the dispute goes against the opinion of the mother-in-law.
But a wife should not indulge herself with ambitious dreams - according to their psychology, mama’s boys very rarely achieve fame and wealth. But of course you shouldn’t tell his mother about this.

Maria Dubynina

Have you heard of such a category of men as “mama's boy”? Many people have heard about him, but not all women know who they are and how they differ from other men. If you are still looking for a suitable candidate for your husband or you have a small son, find out how to recognize a mama's boy and not turn your child into one!

How to recognize a mama's boy?

Many girls often hear advice from older friends: “ Never associate your life with this type of man who is attached to his mother" This is how you can briefly describe a mama's boy.

At their core, these are young people who did not experience psychological separation from their mother during adolescence. Without this dearest person, such men, regardless of their age, cannot exist.

It is very difficult to build a relationship with a man belonging to this type; not every woman can even be in his company for a long time. When the husband is a mama's boy, there can be no question of a happy marriage. In order not to ruin your life, find out how to recognize this type of man in time!

These signs of a mama's boy will help you recognize him at the dawn of a relationship:

When starting a new relationship, take a close look at your boyfriend to see if he has any signs of excessive care from his mother.

We are looking for a way out of the situation

Among mature men, it is very easy to recognize this type of upbringing, when the mother plays a decisive role in the family.

But for girls who decide to throw in their lot with their peers who are just over 20 years old, it is quite difficult to expose such a young man.

Many people manage to find out about this already during their life together. What to do if your husband is a mama's boy?

The problem with such guys is their emotional and psychological immaturity; according to psychologists, it is almost impossible to re-educate them. The fact is that their psychology is like this: for the rest of their lives they remain small children in need of someone’s care. When you get married and discover that your husband is a mama's boy, the advice of a psychologist can help make him a real man.

Persistently teach your husband to be independent. Let this process go slowly, but be focused until the end. Give him the simplest tasks - let him take out the trash, buy groceries, pick up the child from kindergarten;
Praise your husband whenever possible. Praise is considered a good incentive for further achievements; your admiration for your loved one will give him confidence in his abilities;
Make every effort to become friends with his mother. Unfortunately, friendship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is not always possible, but try to show this woman that you care about her son, let her be confident: her “boy” is in good hands. Another way to win your mother-in-law's sympathy is to show her that you admire her as a housewife and do not even intend to compete with her. Seeing her superiority over you, this woman is unlikely to want to enter into conflict with you.

Such simple advice, if desired, can help a woman raise a real man from her husband. However, this will take quite a long time.

Everything is much simpler if a man himself is interested in how to stop being a mama's boy.

You should know that many women like to be wives of mama's boys; the role of mother in marriage can be chosen by those individuals who want to lead their husband everywhere and always.

How to raise a real man

If you are terrified that your child may grow up to be an insecure man who is attached to your skirt, seek the help of a psychologist. A specialist will point out the typical mistakes mothers make in raising boys and help you avoid them.

Psychologists say that most often such dependent and indecisive men grow up in a family where there are no other children besides them, and it is the mother who decides all the important issues. As a result of maternal overprotection, such boys develop self-doubt and an inability to make independent decisions.

No matter what happens, the mother will do everything to bring her son back into a state of dependence on herself, saying: “Son, you don’t know these things, look, I wrote you on a piece of paper what and how to do after that.” how will I die..." She will try with all her might to keep her son with her, for herself, to emphasize that he cannot cope without her...

In our lives we encounter a huge number of different people and destinies. Often we are completely unaware and do not understand what kind of person is in front of us and what is hidden behind the seemingly harmless and slightly ridiculous behavior. Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology” reveals such a concept as "good boy complex". Yes, yes, you probably already guess what we will talk about. This is the same image that is well known to many.

What is a mama's boy? A person will arouse some suspicion if we find out that he slept in the same bed with his mother until he was 15 years old. Mom decides what is best for him to do in different situations, while at the same time making him breakfast for the university. Mom will always advise whether it’s worth dating the girl you like from class or not.

- Vasya, don’t forget to eat potatoes! Cooked it just the way you like it.

- Mom, well, I’m not little anymore.

- I know, I know. Well, you eat, then go, otherwise you’ll be late again.

Such guys, without any second thought, live with their mother until they are 30, or even 40 years old. True, their peers begin to unobtrusively hint to them: “It’s time to meet a girl, you’re already over 30, and you need to start living on your own!” And his mother’s boy is used to his mother thinking and deciding for him. Yes, he doesn’t even know what he will do outside the house. He is comfortable at home, he is protected at home, he has someone to consult with if something happens. And you can’t leave your mother alone, she’s already getting old, who’s going to look after her?

Such a 40-year-old boy, a mama's boy, a man with - is the keeper of the hearth and cave, this is his ancient specific role, which manifests itself even now. A born master of the house, protecting women. Only in this case, this adult man, underdeveloped in his vectorial properties, a non-adapter, protects the only woman in his life, cares and helps her, loves her. “Married to his mother” - that’s what they say about him.

Mom will definitely make sure that he doesn’t accidentally run off to some girl his friends introduced him to.

- Mom, I'm leaving, I'll be back late.

- Where are you going, son?

- I'm meeting a girl today.

- Oh, well, go ahead, I’ll manage here somehow.

- What is it, mom?

- Yes, I’m feeling so bad today... In the morning my vision went dark, I almost fell in the kitchen. But I'm feeling better, don't worry, go...

- Mommy, how are you now?!

- It’s better now, it’s not so wobbly, go, go, I can handle it, I’ll just hold on to the wall, nothing...

- No, what are you talking about, I’ll meet you another day.

Situations seem especially funny when such a mama’s boy comes into the kitchen and, as if by chance, complains to his mother about his wife:

- Why is your shirt so unironed?

“Eh!” sighs the mama’s boy. Vanechka. - I don’t know, mom. Katya says that she doesn’t have time to pet her. He says to iron it himself.

- My poor thing, take it off, I’ll stroke it. What is this slob doing that doesn’t have enough time for you? Next time you can bring the rest. Who will take care of you if not mommy?!

It’s time to think that “I’m a mama’s boy,” but Vanechka has no idea that such behavior is abnormal.

You need to understand that it's always a two-way communication, not only the mother is involved here. My son has a need for this kind of relationship. The reason is that his mother is his only woman, his real “wife,” and he is her mama’s boy.

The only woman

- Van, I came to you today... Shame on her... Such filth... Your wife is such a pig, a nightmare. How can this be, Vanya?!

No matter what happens, the mother will do everything to bring her son back into a state of dependence on herself, she will try to take everything upon herself, saying: “Son, you don’t know these things, look, I wrote you on a piece of paper what and how I’ll have to do it after I die...” He will try his best to keep his son with him, for himself, to emphasize that he can’t cope without her, he’s a mama’s boy.

To truly understand what is hidden behind this negative life scenario, let's try to look behind the curtain. It is clearly revealed that a certain type of person can become a “good boy”. A mama's boy is the definition of an anal-visual man. And only in the case of a certain mother - a skin-visual woman.

The life scenario of a “good boy” between an anal-visual boy (often a girl) and a skin-visual mother develops depending on the state of the mother’s vectors. If the mother’s skin vector is not realized, then she limits her son and urges him on. The undeveloped nature of such a woman begins to manipulate the emotional connection with the child for her own satisfaction and uses it for her own purposes. “Baby, do this, you have to bring me all the A’s. Make your mom happy!” And an anal-visual child, who from childhood already carries within himself the need to please and receive praise for it, is ready to do anything as long as his mother is happy.

The skin-visual woman, unrealized in the visual vector, gets pleasure from her visual desires through emotional swings. Vision has a need for an emotional connection, in this case this connection turns out to be unhealthy, directed towards oneself. Such a mother constantly feels sorry for herself, maintaining an internal feeling of constant life drama. Explosive kitchen scandals followed by tearful reconciliation, bright outbursts of emotions, tears and dramatization of one’s terrible fate. Such a mother does not really wish her child happiness, she does not care about his actual usefulness and wealth in life, but wants to use him solely as an opportunity to maintain these emotional swings. And as a result, he grows up to be a mama's boy.

Now a few words about the anal-visual child. This is a kind, obedient child who loves his mother very much and is very attached to her. He has a gentle character, more than others he needs his mother's attention and protection. He signals this with his entire being. And mom gives him this love in full. He wants to feel that his mother loves him, that his mother appreciates him. He finds a beautiful ladybug and brings it to his mother, waiting with hope to see what his mother will say. “Oh, how beautiful! Is this for me?! How smart you are, how caring, my little bunny. My beloved sunshine!” These are the happiest moments in his life.

Obedient child

When the scenario is played out in its “pure form”, it is an anal-visual child and a skin-visual mother. In a modern city, on average, polymorphs with 3-5 vectors are born, so a person may be more complex, but if inside him there is an anal-visual combination in the good boy complex, you will not miss it, it is bright and noticeable. An anal-visual person in potential is a golden head, a writer, an erudite and bookworm, a walking encyclopedia and the most caring husband, a true professional in his field, sometimes a designer and artist, an architect and a screenwriter. And in the case of excessive emphasis on praise and the mother’s need for it, this is a mama’s boy.

If this is a mama’s boy in front of you, know that for him his mother is the most important person, the guarantee of his safety, confidence and emotional security. He is ready to bring mom all the ladybugs in the area and everything else that mom wants, so that only she likes it, so that she is satisfied. It is the anal vector that is the main component in this scenario for a child.

Mom sees that her son is very good, obedient, driven, that he needs her care, needs advice, needs a task, is waiting for his mother’s command to carry out her instructions and get his treasured “candy.” She begins to manipulate this love. Manipulate praise. As a result, this often results in a negative life scenario. A man grows up in appearance, but in his soul he remains a mama’s boy.

The child is formed with a strong desire to do what others like. In his gaze you can clearly see the imprint of what system-vector psychology calls “love me.” The mother, through manipulation and praise, fixes exactly this way of communication and pleasure in the child. When a mama's boy begins to do the same thing outside the house, he naturally does not receive the same reaction. Unless at school everyone is allowed to copy from their notebook.

His entire stay in the team, both for children and for adults, comes down to showing how good he is. Basically, to show that he is the best. And to everyone. This man is no longer a child, he could be a 40-year-old uncle looking into your eyes, looking for approval and recognition in your eyes. And he, so good, so pleasant, just tries not to hurt or offend if he needs to refuse someone something. He just can't say NO. That's what a mama's boy is.

For an anal-visual person, it is very important what others say about him, it is these others who are the measure of the consistency of his entire life, confirm the legitimacy of his existence. And in the anal-visual complex, all a person’s strengths and desires are aimed at the confirmation and approval of everyone around him. It’s normal when I achieve what I wanted, what I worked long and diligently on, and, as a result, I want to receive confirmation and approval, well-deserved praise. This is par for the course. Taken together, this becomes an inability and inability to enjoy interacting with people other than through seeking praise and approval. At the same time, such a man will not be able to realize that he is a “mama’s boy.”

This person does not develop any personal aspirations, no desires of his own. He doesn't know what he wants from life. Others demand from him, but where he himself is in all this, he does not know. Only day after day does he show everyone how good, smart and diligent he is.

Even in communication with his own wife! If, of course, she appears in his life at all. Because the mother-son coupling between the anal-visual boy and the skin-visual mother is completely serious and can completely exclude the possibility of marriage.

Solving family problems

Sometimes, after observing such a person for a long time, people notice the peculiarities of his behavior and hint to him about it. Then he begins to do exactly the same thing, only exactly the opposite. He does everything to spite everyone, but his own desires never appear. This is his only way of dealing with his condition, which, in fact, does not change anything, since it is just the other side. Psychology characterizes the state of “mama’s boy” only from the negative side. There is nothing good in such dependence for a man.

The worst thing in this life scenario is that, even if a person leaves his mother, gets married and finds a job, he is in an eternal pursuit of a mirage. He does not set goals for himself, he does not have his own opinion, he does not have a healthy mental base, skills for a normal reaction to the pressure of the surrounding world. This is a problem in desire itself, and in adulthood it necessarily brings suffering, which the person constantly tries to alleviate.

A person tries to please everyone around him. The problem is that the people around them often don’t know what they want. But what they definitely don’t want is an ideal person who, with his integrity, reminds them of their shortcomings. This causes disappointment and sincere misunderstanding in the anal-visual poor fellow: “I did everything as they wanted? Why are they unhappy again? I just want everyone to love me..."

If you are that same mama’s boy, then system-vector psychology will always tell you what to do.

At the “System-Vector Psychology” training, Yuri Burlan, analyzing the features of this complex, often repeats that the training will turn “good boys” into “bad boys”, and quite quickly. And this will not be behavior “on the contrary,” but getting rid of this painful lifelong problem. The only tool for real work on yourself is awareness of what is really happening. Without attempts at rational explanations or other tricks of the mind. There is a way out of this “mama’s boy” scenario. And it is impossible to overestimate the importance of liberation from this vicious circle.

Proofreader: Galina Rzhannikova

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Every woman develops her own image of the ideal, best man in childhood. Growing up, one girl sees her future half as a macho man from the coast of Italy, another as a Russian hero, a third as a sensitive knight, etc. But everyone wants her man to be self-confident, courageous and strong. Read. Of course, when it suddenly turns out that your half is a mama's boy, there is little joy. How can you tell if a man is a mama's boy or just a caring son? And what if this is still the first option?

Who is a mama's boy?

How to determine whether a man is a mama's boy or just a good son

Unlike simply caring sons, mama's boys always put their mother on a "pedestal" idealizing her in every sense and maintaining complete dependence on her.

What to do if, by all indications, your man is a mama’s boy?

What to do if a man is a mama's boy?

If you decide to connect your life with this person, be prepared for the fact that you must become the best replacement for the golden hands of his mother. Read also: .
Tell him about the “three pillars” of your family happiness: that is, he must respect you, not put mother’s principles above your family, not interfere with her in your life.
Explain your position in advance - what you need a real man, and not a muslin young lady.
Try to solve all problems and issues in the family “without delay”- before he turns to his mother for help.
Limit his communication with his mother as much as possible.. As far as possible. Not by requirement, but by circumstances. Go away and travel more often by turning off your cell phones. Move to live “closer to the sea” because “the climate there is better, but your health is poor,” etc.
If you have children - leave him alone with the children more often. Let him learn to look after them on his own.

If you cannot change the situation and are not able to come to terms with it, then there is no point in tormenting yourself and hoping that the man will grow up or the mother-in-law will leave you behind. Pack your things and leave. If you really occupy an important place in his life, then he will do everything to get you back and fix the situation .