The baby, who had barely reached the age of three, suddenly changed before our eyes. The character of the child, which the parents considered “golden”, suddenly deteriorated. An obedient and flexible child is stubborn, protests and throws tantrums over any trifle. He is constantly self-willed and tries to get his way at any cost. What should parents do with a little tyrant, how to react to such attacks?
The 3-year crisis is a very difficult stage
First you need to calm down and not panic. All negative manifestations in a child’s behavior are a manifestation of the three-year-old crisis. Scandals and assertion of independence are the main characteristics of behavior.
Why does the crisis occur at this age?
Psychology has defined the children's transition period of three years as the third in a row (the first two are in one month and one year). Each critical period has its own characteristics. Entire books have been written about the manifestations and characteristics of such phenomena. This article examines situations that arise in the third problem period.
At three years old, the child tries to leave the care of his parents At the very beginning, it should be noted that a child at the age of three experiences a change in his relationship with the environment. The main characteristic of this period is a change in social adaptation. Psychology determines that during this period the process of formation of the psyche begins. Knowing this fact, adults should consider all life situations of their offspring taking into account age-related changes.
The age range of the crisis is three years The reasons for all the difficulties in communicating with the baby are that the child has begun to become aware of himself.
At 3 years old, the child begins to realize his Self Signs of a crisis
Psychology has identified the symptoms of a three-year crisis in seven components. Any article on the psychology of a given age category can tell about them. Literary sources and books on psychology do not disagree on the classification of symptoms. Characteristics of symptoms are discussed below.
Symptoms of a 3-year crisis—the main 6 Children's negativism. Its signs must be distinguished from simple disobedience. Situations often arise when a child shows a reluctance to do something, for example, put a toy away. The fact that the baby did not listen is a reaction to the words. Negativism presupposes situations where children do not obey all adults, but an individual.
Manifestations of negativism are the most striking Stubbornness is called the second sign. Don't confuse stubbornness with perseverance - they have nothing in common. Persistence is not the worst quality of a child. It’s bad if it develops into stubbornness, when the child insists on his own not because he really wants a particular item or food, but because he wants to achieve his goal at any cost. In such a situation, you cannot give in to him.
Stubbornness can have negative consequences Psychology scientifically proves that stubbornness develops into childish despotism. If, from the age of three, you allow a child to rule the family, subjecting adults to his whims, then he will grow into a tyrant who will poison the lives of his relatives. More than one article by child psychology researchers is devoted to this problem.
Despotism is the desire of a three-year-old child to subject adults to his whims. Children literally mock adults: the son demands that his mother sit next to him when he plays, the daughter does not want to eat carrots or cottage cheese, but only demands “yummy food.” But the most important thing, and the most terrible thing, is that the despot child demands that everything be done according to his first request.
The three-year crisis is a test for parents Manifestations of a 3-year-old child’s crisis during this period are also expressed in the fact that events and actions are devalued. Attitudes towards important things and requirements are expressed in antics. He begins to call other children and even adults names, deliberately breaking toys out of harm. He subconsciously (at the age of three cannot yet realize it!) provokes situations that put him in opposition to others.
Antics are one of the manifestations of the crisis A three-year-old child, being in a situation of constant confrontation with the external environment, suffers himself. Psychology claims that such behavior is a protest. A child’s vocabulary in this state expands very quickly. But it is not replenished with the words that parents would like to teach their baby. Alas, most often this is a vocabulary that does not consist of good words. Denial of everything that is offered is the main characteristic of the state of a three-year-old baby.
Main Not at three years old Another feature that is characteristic of a crisis state is obstinacy. Psychology believes that obstinacy is one of the most severe signs of a crisis in a child.
Children become obstinate and disobedient
Obstinacy is not a manifestation of negativism aimed specifically at certain situations, against specific individuals. Obstinacy in this case is a characteristic of a child’s negative attitude towards the world and the entire environment.
Obstinacy is expressed by riots. This is a strong desire to become the center of attention. By rebelling, the little man shows the family that his opinions and desires are just as valid as others. The main reasons for riots are the desire to express oneself. It often seems to parents that a three-year-old child consciously decides to mock, constantly demanding something and proving that his stupid desires must be fulfilled immediately. There is no awareness here, there is a desire to express oneself, to gain attention.
The crisis of three years is acutely expressed in the little person’s desire to be independent.
At this age, conflicts with other children appear The baby shows curiosity, strives to learn new things, understand things that are incomprehensible to him, which in the future will have a beneficial effect on personal development. But the problem and misfortune is that the little one strives to do adult things, but at such a young age nothing works out for him. The result of this is roaring and hysteria.
At this age, a child often breaks and ruins everything. A crisis is not always negative. The reasons for this crisis are the transition to a new level of personality formation.
Those phenomena that are characteristic of the three-year crisis will most likely shock the majority of happy parents whose children have not reached the crisis period. You need to be prepared, but there is absolutely no need to feel fear. When faced with similar phenomena in a child’s behavior, one must be firmly aware that external, not very pleasant manifestations are the reverse side of positive personality changes, which constitute the meaning of any crisis transition.
The main requirement is that I will do everything myself Each period of a child’s development has a completely special feature that is acceptable only for that age. These features are intended for the child to comprehend the world and learn to understand himself. The period that was experienced before the crisis is becoming a thing of the past, giving way to a new stage in understanding the world. Psychology says so. You shouldn’t argue with science - so you need to understand and accept the new stage in the baby’s life. His personality develops, his character is formed, the whole organism, both physically and mentally, is constructively working on itself.
What should those around you do?
Find calm and calm again...
The main manifestations of the crisis that worry parents are “affective outbursts” - hysterics, bitter tears, unreasonable whims. Of course, such phenomena can be present in stable situations, but they are not long-lasting and are not characterized by high intensity. Adults should be advised the following: do nothing and make no decisions until the whimsy becomes calm. Children at this age react very well to some new phenomena in their lives - be it a toy, a book or a new cartoon - all this will provide an opportunity to distract the child.
The main thing is to remain calm Advice: if you don’t try, you won’t know – let your child make mistakes before your eyes.
Try to warn him unobtrusively, even if he does not perceive your words. But he hears them. Having had a negative experience, having made a mistake, having realized that you are right, next time the baby will at least listen a little. In the future, such lessons will help him overcome problems.
But...parents must learn to recognize their little one as a person, as an individual. It is believed (real situations have been studied) that if parents show restrictions on independence, the child is ridiculed, then he develops shame for his inability, awkwardness, and misunderstanding. The child loses self-confidence.
Read this memo for parents What should I do? Give the opportunity to choose, allow you to learn from your mistakes and... play. In games, the child learns to simulate situations and solve problems. This is how the crisis of three years passes most painlessly.
Article fragment
The “three-year-old” crisis, also known in Russian developmental psychology as the “myself” crisis, despite the fact that many researchers and practitioners have repeatedly addressed it, still remains what is called a “hot topic” in preschool education in practical terms. plan.
An important period in a child’s development. In our opinion, the crisis of “three years” is due to three circumstances.
Firstly, the extremely high significance of this stage of personality development (and we are talking specifically about a stage or period, since no development in reality can be reduced to some critical - “control” point - it is always a process), evidence of which is the attention that all the creators of age periodizations, without exception, paid attention to it.
Secondly, a sharp increase in the complexity and diversity of interpersonal interaction both at the “child-adult” and at the “child-child” level.
Thirdly, the decrease in the age of the beginning of active socialization in modern conditions - more and more children and at an ever younger age begin to attend preschool educational institutions.
It is quite clear that in this context, one of the most important areas of activity of preschool educational institutions is work with parents, aimed at explaining in an accessible form the basic patterns of child development and teaching effective methods of interaction and educational influence, including in objectively complex, potentially conflict situations .
To practically solve this problem, let us turn to foreign development concepts that have proven their feasibility in domestic conditions. E. Erikson developed an original age-based periodization of development, according to which a person’s life is presented as a sequence of eight age-related crises, each of which can be considered as a turning point in the development process. At the heart of every crisis is the conflict between the positive principle in human nature and the negative, destructive principle in their specific manifestations inherent in a given age.
The developmental period of interest to us includes two stages of the epigenetic cycle, namely: early childhood (from 1 year to 3 years) and the age of play, or preschool age (from 3 to 6 years), which are based on two closely related psychosocial conflicts : autonomy versus shame and doubt and initiative versus guilt. Let us consider these stages in detail in the most “down-to-earth” form, close to real life.
Baby's first free will
By the end of infancy, the child already knows a lot. He began to separate himself from the rest of the world, distinguish between “I” and “you” and, according to the concept of E. Erikson, perceives the outside world as generally safe, accepting and trustworthy (if the period of infancy was lived “correctly”), or, on the contrary, as hostile and rejecting. At the same time, he developed a special personality orientation, expressed at the external behavioral level in the developed ability to grasp and hold (since throughout infancy the child received warmth, attention, and care from an adult). Now the urgent task of psychosocial development is to master the ability to let go - i.e. give something personal to the world around you.
In classical psychoanalysis, the primary formation of this skill is directly associated with the child’s mastery of the procedure of cleansing the intestines and bladder and the feeling of pleasure associated with this process. At the same time, as E. Erikson noted, the source of pleasure is both the satisfaction of an objective need of the body and, therefore, relief from tension and discomfort, and the praise of parents who received a kind of “gift” for the fact that the child coped with an important task well and in a timely manner .
In the thus formed ability to hold inside or release, depending on one’s desire and external circumstances, the products of the body’s vital activity, the child’s autonomous or, in other words, free will is realized for the first time. That is, will, which presupposes the possibility of real, conscious choice. But the ability to choose and make a decision manifests itself during the period under review not only in relation to the potty.
Mysterious and unpredictable
Almost every mother has noticed how unpredictable, from her point of view, the child’s behavior becomes at this age. Then he persistently clings to his mother at the very moment when the milk runs out in the kitchen. On the contrary, when his mother wants to caress him, he suddenly begins to break free and push her away. Here is a baby enthusiastically playing with the most ordinary blocks that have been in his hands a hundred times, and putting him to bed is a completely impossible task. And sometimes it’s impossible to attract his attention with the brightest toy he just bought.
Many children aged 15 months to 3 years invariably answer “no” to almost any proposal from adults. “Shall we go for a walk?” - "No!" “Let’s go to the bath for a swim!” - "No!" “Play alone for a bit!” - "No!" Added to this is an obsessive, downright manic desire to destroy, disassemble, break, break everything that is possible in the house.
Moreover, by the third year of life, the child masters active speech, and by the end of this year he can already use complex sentences. Thus, he has at his disposal not only a new effective way to communicate to his parents about his feelings, sensations, desires and intentions, but also a powerful tool that gives additional opportunities to compete for their time, attention, patience and wallet. It is no coincidence that V. Satir noted the moment a child masters speech as a crisis period in the life of a family.
Different parents, naturally, try to cope with the difficulties that arise in different ways: some look for the reasons that give rise to such behavior in the child, treating them with understanding and respect, some adhere to the “forceful” option for solving problems, some try to shift responsibility to third parties - grandparents, employees of preschool institutions. To learn how to respond to such situations, it is necessary to understand the true motives that determine the child’s behavior at this age.
What does the baby really want?
First of all, let's agree: not a single child in the world aged one to three years, no matter what he does, has a conscious goal of upsetting his mother, pissing off his dad, or giving his grandmother a heart attack. He also does not intend to die of hunger when he refuses porridge, does not want to get acquainted with the “delights” of diathesis when he demands sweets, and does not intend to commit suicide when he tries to stick his fingers into a socket.
What he really wants is to realize in any possible way the ability that has begun to manifest itself, to control his body and the processes occurring in it. The ability and need not only to appropriate something from the outside world, but also to give. And, finally, the ability and need to decide for yourself what exactly and when to appropriate and what exactly and when to give away. To gain the necessary experience and fully satisfy these objective needs and realize abilities, it is necessary to explore the world. Now that it has become clear that the world perceived by the child in infancy as something identical to himself is something different and mostly unknown, the child needs to find out how this world works. He also needs to develop a way of interacting with this world in all its diversity. Since the child is not yet capable of perceiving abstract concepts, the only way of research available to him is to comprehend everything through sensory empirical experience, through individual action.
The fight for the right to choose
This is where the categorical “no” actually comes from in response to a completely harmless and reasonable proposal to go for a walk. The child thus fights for his autonomy, the right to choose, which are necessary conditions for independent action. This struggle begins with the rejection of other people's opinions, with the refusal to recognize external authority. Encountering categorical rejection of such behavior on the part of the parents, the child finds himself in conditions unfavorable for gaining the experience necessary for the formation of his personality. If at this stage of life a little person’s “no” is completely ignored by adults, then the boy or girl can learn an important life lesson. Its meaning boils down to approximately the following: if you want to be good, you always need to agree with external opinion, especially with the opinion of your elders. Having made such a decision in early childhood, many children, who please their parents and teachers with their obedience, cannot say “no” when their older comrades invite them to take part in theft.
In addition, the feeling of protest, which still remains behind the child’s external obedience, breaks out and seeks a way out in inappropriate actions and deeds. It is these children who do not use the potty for a long time, not because they cannot, as adults often believe, but because they do not want to, using their excrement as a means of expressing protest and aggression. As E. Erickson noted, in such cases, excrement is a direct analogue of “dirty” expressions used for similar purposes by adults. It is clear that in adulthood such hidden protest can take the form of stable antisocial behavior in a variety of manifestations.
In light of what has been said, it is clear where broken cups and vases come from. Holding an expensive and fragile thing in his hands, the child tries, firstly, to find out: what exactly is it? What is it good for? Is it worth assigning it? Secondly, by releasing the vase from his hands, of course, in such a way that it falls on the parquet floor and not on a soft pillow, the baby not only continues to explore its properties, but also observes what will happen if he stops holding this object, that is, lets go , give it away.
If at this moment a grandmother bursts into the room with a broom and, instead of using it for its intended purpose, “caresses” her beloved granddaughter with it, then it is very possible that the lesson that the girl learns will sound something like this: “Well, if something got into your hands, then in no case, under any circumstances should you let it out of your hands!” Those who have encountered people in life who are guided by similar principles are unlikely to have positive impressions.
What happens if, upon entering his son’s room and seeing the expensive car he gave him half an hour ago, which has turned (once again!) into a pile of spare parts, dad loses patience, stamps his foot and gives a loud slap? What will he teach the child? Taking care of your things? Or maybe because the child does not have the right to dispose of his property, including giving it away or, say, giving it away? Perhaps the lesson the boy learns will be something like this: “Everything I touch turns into worthless junk!” Isn’t this where many men’s problems subsequently come from – from the inability to hammer a nail to uncertainty in relationships with the opposite sex?
All of the above, of course, does not mean that you should unconditionally indulge all children’s whims, turn the family’s living space into a continuous playground, or simply resign yourself to giving up on everything. There are no universal recipes for this kind of situation (as, by the way, for any life situations in general). However, understanding the child’s basic behavioral motives allows us to identify the most effective interaction strategy.
Do you need to be firm?
First of all, it is important to decide in which cases, in response to a child’s categorical refusal of something or, conversely, an equally categorical demand, it is worth meeting him halfway, and when you need to be firm and insist on your own. We agreed to proceed from the fact that in all his claims and refusals the child is not guided by considerations of ill will and the desire to cause harm to himself or others. Therefore, all his “no”, like all his “I want”, deserve attention.
Since the living space and field of social interaction of a child at this age still remain quite limited due to objective reasons, there is a real opportunity to analyze in detail almost all specific problem situations. It is worth emphasizing that both parents should take part in carrying out this type of analysis and subsequent development of a strategy. Firstly, greater objectivity is thereby achieved. Secondly, which is very important for the entire process of family education, this is the only way to develop a unified position that excludes conflicting assessments and demands in the same situation on the part of the mother and father. Thirdly, together, as a rule, it is easier to overcome the difficulties that arise. Fourthly, in this way it is possible to divide the responsibility of each of the parents in accordance with the decision made.
Parents should start this kind of work by simply writing down on a piece of paper all the most typical cases when their request was refused. Now we need to try to answer (to ourselves) as honestly as possible the question: why, in fact, in each specific case is it so important that the child behave this way and not otherwise? What were the parents actually guided by when putting forward this or that demand? Concern for the safety of the child? About his health? Maybe the opinion of your own parents or neighbors? Just by your desires (which, by the way, adults have the right to)? Maybe you do this because it’s convenient for you (and this is also important)? It is especially worth focusing on those “no” of the child that cause the strongest emotional reaction in one of the parents or in both of them. As shown in the works of family therapists, in particular V. Satir, this most likely means that such cases have nothing to do with the objective conditions of the situation or with the child himself, but are a manifestation of intrapersonal or interpersonal problems of adults.
As a result, having found out not only the reasons for the child’s behavior, but also analyzed their own motives and, as objectively as possible, assessed the real circumstances of each typical situation, parents can make a responsible decision: when to meet the child halfway, and when to insist on their own.
In essence, we are talking about normalizing a new social situation, the novelty of which is due to the fact that the needs and functional capabilities of one of its participants, the child, are radically different from his needs and capabilities at the previous stage of development.
At the same time, it is extremely important to clearly ensure the child’s subject position in the process of creating a new social norm. It is quite clear that at the age in question, the child is objectively incapable of independently acting as a full-fledged subject. Therefore, providing him with the opportunity to realize his subjectivity is the task of adults. This is achieved through understanding and maximum consideration when forming a new norm of the child’s needs, which spontaneously manifest themselves at the behavioral level, but cannot yet be fully realized by him, much less clearly articulated. In a simplified form, this means that newly created norms in their restrictive and prohibitive part must comply with the principle of minimal sufficiency.
It is equally important that the norms created in this way are fully understood and accepted by the child. It is necessary, if possible, to convey to the child that in some matters he must obey adults, not because they are bigger and stronger (having started to walk and learned to hold his body straight, the child, paradoxically as it may seem at first glance, begins to feel his vulnerability more acutely and dependence due to the fact that he gets the opportunity to really compare the size and proportions of his body with the body of an adult - this is why it is so important when talking with him to take a position in which his eyes are at the same level), but because he is loved and cared for German It is important that he perceives submission not as an infringement of his free will, but as an opportunity to use the experience, knowledge, and capabilities of adults for his own benefit. In this case, submission to the will of the parents does not reduce self-esteem, but, on the contrary, reinforces it. The child becomes convinced that he can control his body and life not only through the ability to insist on his own, but also through the ability to accept someone else’s point of view. He can give something back to the world, not only by letting go of the cup, but also by giving his parents some part of control over his life.
Note that after one and a half years the child is already able to understand the meaning of entire sentences about events and phenomena that often repeat in his life. By the age of two, he can perceive a simple plot in a picture and answer the question: “Who is drawn here?” and "What's going on?" A series of experiments with two-year-old children, conducted under the leadership of N. E. Veraksa, showed that when using role-playing games with dolls, they are quite capable of learning requirements that are quite complex in the performance aspect - for example, putting toys in a certain place. All this gives adults a real opportunity, with a certain patience and persistence, to explain not only the content of certain norms, but also the need to comply with them.
Read the full text of the article in the SDO magazine.
Terms of use The copyright holder of this article permits its use only for personal non-commercial use for educational purposes. The publisher is not responsible for the content of the article materials.When approaching a crisis, there are clear cognitive symptoms:
Sharp interest in one's image in the mirror;
The child is puzzled by his appearance, interested in how he looks in the eyes of others. Girls have an interest in dressing up; boys begin to show concern for their efficiency, for example, in construction. They react sharply to failure.
The crisis of 3 years is considered to be acute. The child is uncontrollable and becomes angry. The behavior is almost impossible to correct. The period is difficult for both the adult and the child himself. The symptoms are called the seven-star crisis of 3 years.
1. Negativism is a reaction not to the content of the adults’ proposal, but to the fact that it comes from adults. The desire to do the opposite, even against one’s own desire.
2. Stubbornness. A child insists on something not because he wants, but because he demanded it, he is bound by his original decision.
3. Obstinacy. It is impersonal, directed against the norms of upbringing, the way of life that developed before the age of three.
4. Self-will. Strives to do everything himself.
5. Protest-riot. The child is in a state of war and conflict with others.
6. A symptom of devaluation is manifested in the fact that the child begins to swear, tease and call his parents names.
7. Despotism. The child forces his parents to do everything he demands. In relation to younger sisters and brothers, despotism manifests itself as jealousy.
The crisis proceeds as a crisis of social relations and is associated with the formation of the child’s self-awareness. The position “I myself” appears. The child learns the difference between “should” and “want”.
If the crisis proceeds sluggishly, this indicates a delay in the development of the affective and volitional sides of the personality. Children begin to develop a will, which E. Erikson called autonomy (independence, independence). Children no longer need adult supervision and strive to make their own choices. Feelings of shame and insecurity instead of autonomy arise when parents limit the child’s expressions of independence, punish or ridicule any attempts at independence.
The child’s zone of proximal development consists of acquiring “I can”: he must learn to correlate his “want” with “should” and “cannot” and on this basis determine his “can”. The crisis drags on if the adult takes the position of “I want” (permissiveness) or “I can’t” (prohibitions). The child should be provided with an area of activity where he can demonstrate independence.
This area of activity is in the game. The game, with its special rules and norms that reflect social connections, serves for the child as “a safe island where he can develop and test his independence and autonomy” (E. Erikson).
Three-year-old crisis in children
By the age of three, many parents are faced with the problem that the child becomes uncontrollable and is not so easy to cope with. Previously, he took everything for granted, but now he suddenly stopped listening, protests, resists.
Crisis of three years - This is one of the most famous child crises. This crisis is often called the age of obstinacy. Previous crises - the newborn crisis and the one-year crisis - could go quite smoothly for the child. They were of a calmer nature and did not manifest themselves so actively. The crisis of three years manifests itself more complexly, it is impossible not to notice it. An obedient three-year-old is nonsense. The crisis of three years abounds in full with all the features of age-related crises - disobedience, difficult to educate, conflict, obstinacy.
The three-year-old crisis is called the “seven-star”, as it is accompanied by seven unpleasant signs that parents of a three-year-old child should know about in advance in order to accurately determine the onset of a crisis situation. If you know what each component of the “seven stars” of the three-year-old crisis means, then you can successfully help your child cope with the problems of a difficult age, and therefore maintain a healthy nervous system, both yours and his. Let us consider in detail all seven signs of a three-year-old crisis.
Negativism
The very concept of negativism means a contradiction, the desire to do the opposite. Even if a child is hungry, he may refuse to eat food just because adults offer it to him. However, negativism should not be confused with ordinary disobedience. The child does this not because he wants to, but because he cannot do otherwise. This is a manifestation of self-protection, the need for self-affirmation. Negativism can manifest itself in active and passive forms. The active form is expressed in the fact that the child does the opposite. For example, in response to a request to give his hand, he hides it behind his back. Passive negativism manifests itself in the child ignoring any requests from an adult. For example, in response to an offer to sit down, the baby remains standing in the same place.
Stubbornness
The child tries with all his might to defend his point of view. Having expressed any desire, he will do his best to achieve its fulfillment. And it is not necessary that he really wants what he asked for so much. Most likely, he stopped wanting this a long time ago, but he wants his opinion to be listened to.
Obstinacy
Unlike negativism, obstinacy is expressed in the child’s general dissatisfaction with his usual way of life. He protests against everything that is offered to him.
Self-will
At three years of age, the child's tendency to become unlimitedly independent appears. He wants to do everything himself, but does not correlate his desires with his capabilities, and overestimates his strengths and skills. The baby accepts only what he himself has in mind. Such independence often leads to conflicts and quarrels with others.
Depreciation
Everything that was previously loved, dear and interesting begins to depreciate. Toys that the baby has never parted with before become “bad” and cease to arouse the same interest; beloved relatives also become “bad” and “evil.” The child begins to call him names, breaks toys, and tears up books. Old norms of behavior are devalued, old habits and attachments to people and objects are devalued.
Protest riot
The kid is in a constant state of war with the people around him.
Despotism
More recently, the child was affectionate and kind, but by the age of three he suddenly turns into a little despot, terrorizing the whole family. He tells parents how to behave, introduces new norms and rules of behavior, chooses clothes and diet himself, commands adults, indicating what can be done at any given moment and what cannot be done. If there are other children in the family, then despotism results in scenes of acute jealousy, since the child’s brothers and sisters, in his opinion, have no rights at all in the family.
All these signs of a three-year crisis can confuse many parents. But it's really not that scary. When faced with such manifestations of a crisis, we must not forget that all this is only the other side of those positive personality changes that constitute the essence of any critical age. At each specific stage of development, a child has a certain set of needs, characteristics and ways of interacting with the world around him, unique only to a certain age. The child grows, old needs cease to be relevant, and they must be replaced by new, different, but only possible in the changed conditions. The emergence of the new is necessarily accompanied by the withering away of the old, the abandonment of habitual patterns of behavior and relationships with others. During a crisis, significant changes occur in the development of a child and the formation of his personality.
During the crisis You shouldn’t expect habitual obedience from your baby, but this doesn’t mean that he has become bad. He is experiencing a turning point in his life, and this cannot pass unnoticed, without affecting the child’s behavior and his attitude towards others.
The main content of any crisis is neoplasms. The child begins to behave differently with adults, and new activities appear in his daily life. So. for example, at birth a baby develops a response, a perception of the world around him, and at one year the child begins to walk and talk. According to psychologists, at three years old one of the most important new formations in life appears - the formation of the child’s own “I”. He realizes his importance and strives for independence.
The child has lived for three years already, has become accustomed and accustomed to the world around him, and at this time he discovers himself as an independent person. The experience acquired in early childhood is summarized, the baby evaluates his achievements, and his attitude towards himself, his actions and capabilities is formed. At this time, new personality traits are formed and a person’s character is revealed. The child increasingly begins to use the pronoun “I” in relation to himself instead of his own name. He begins to recognize himself in photographs, in mirror reflection, understanding. that what is smiling at him from the mirror is not another baby, but himself. The child becomes aware of himself as a separate person, and a new form of self-awareness is formed. However, at this age, the perception of one’s own “I” is still very different from the perception of an adult. It is still of an external nature: the child evaluates his achievements and compares them with the assessment given by adults.
Self-awareness in a child it is closely connected with the concept “I myself”. At the age of three years, the desire for practical independence increases many times over. Now the child is driven not by simple curiosity and the desire to learn something new; the entire space around him turns into an arena for self-realization. He takes on almost everything, tests his strength and capabilities. The child asserts himself, he develops self-esteem, and this is the most important incentive for self-development and self-improvement.
Very often situations arise when parents need to quickly gather the child, quickly feed, and it would be more convenient to do this themselves, but by the age of three the baby may not allow adults to do this. His desire for independence is so strong that any attempts to limit it can end in hysteria, protest, rebellion. He wants adults to take him seriously, respect his opinion, and believe that he can do everything himself. He rebels against the old regime, against previous relations. At this age, a person’s will is formed, which means independence and self-sufficiency.
The child requires independence, but to allow him to do everything. what he wants is, of course, wrong. The baby does not yet perceive his capabilities quite correctly, he overestimates them, he still does not know how to correctly and clearly formulate his thoughts and express desires, and cannot correctly plan his actions. It is very important to notice in time the changes taking place in the baby, because his attitude changes not only to the world around him, but also to himself.
Values change, motivation changes. The crisis is painful for the child; it seems to him that adults do not understand him. If you notice the onset of a crisis age in time, you can help the baby and make it easier. The child's relationship with his parents changes radically at this time. Parents become not just a source of warmth and care for the baby, but also become role models. The child perceives parents as an ideal, a standard of perfection. Relationships with your baby should be built on respect and patience.
A very important component that accompanies the three-year-old crisis is pride in achievements. The child's behavior changes radically. The essence of this change is that he, at all costs, strives to achieve the result of his activities. He is not afraid of difficulties and failures, he again and again, persistently and purposefully moves towards his intended goal until he achieves the desired result. A very important point here is the approval of adults, because without this, success is largely devalued. At the age of three, a child’s sense of self-esteem intensifies, and therefore he becomes very emotional, touchy, and can get angry over trifles. Parents should be patient and not forget that even the most trivial, in their opinion, achievements are important and significant for the child.
Developmental goals for a three-year-old child
Until the age of five, all the basic mental processes of a child - attention, memory, thinking - are involuntary. This means that the baby cannot control them at will, he is not able to concentrate or specifically remember something - he pays attention to what attracted his attention and remembers that. which itself is memorable. This is the most important feature. which determines the nature of the methods and techniques used in working with children.
A three-year-old child is very emotional, but his emotions are fickle. It is easy for a baby to be distracted and switch from one emotional state to another. The restoration of emotional balance is facilitated by the so-called rhythmic stimulation - games with adults, which include rhythmic rocking, tossing, stroking. The folk tradition of nurturing children abounds in such games.
A small child learns only that , what interested him, and accepts something only from the person he trusts. Therefore, the success of his education depends on whether contact has been established with the teacher. In this regard, it is very important how the child adapts to kindergarten and whether he experiences emotional comfort in the group.
Children of three years old are characterized by low thresholds of sensory sensitivity; their mechanisms of physiological self-regulation of the body are not yet sufficiently formed. A subjective feeling of physical discomfort leads to a sharp decrease in learning efficiency.
Discomfort can be caused by the fact that the child did not get enough sleep, he is cold or hot, he is thirsty or hungry, something hurts, he is worried about the pressure of his shoes, the tightness of the waistband of tights or trousers, the elastic band has pulled his hair too tight, skin irritation from contact with cloth, etc. The adult must be sure that nothing is bothering the baby.
Communication in children of this age is situational and personal in nature. This means that each child needs to constantly feel the individual attention of an adult and have individual contact with him. It follows that activities with the baby should be short-term. It was already noted above that only an adult with whom he sympathizes can teach a child anything.
Learning at this age occurs both from the child’s own practical experience and from the imitation of an adult he likes. At the same time, the baby imitates everything that the adult does - both good and bad, both right and wrong.
Peers are not yet of particular interest to him and are often considered as another subject. Children at this age play nearby, but not together. For each other, they often become sources of negative emotions: another child has captured the attention of his favorite teacher, another child has stepped on his foot, spilled compote on the tablecloth, etc.
A three-year-old child may not understand the difference between living and inanimate objects. He does the same with a living butterfly. like with a plastic car. This behavior is not yet a manifestation of cruelty. He learns the difference between living and nonliving things from observing an adult’s attitude towards various objects.
The thinking of a child of this age is visual and effective in nature. This means that knowledge of the surrounding world occurs in the process of real object manipulations, respectively, and the leading type of game is object-manipulative. It is very important for little pioneers to support the very motivation to explore and understand the world around them. All that is required of an adult is to create an interesting developmental environment and provide children with time and freedom to operate in it.
From an object-manipulative game such adult types of creative activity as non-objective design grow, i.e. architecture, design, abstract fine art.
Experiences with children show that some children have and retain, under favorable conditions, an interest and the ability to see beauty in a simple combination of color spots and lines, in the sophistication of a design, regardless of whether it resembles any specific object and whether it can be called something then the usual word.
In this sense, many children, along with the visual one, also demonstrate an expressive tendency in their creativity. Such children are not so much interested in the purpose of their work as they enjoy the creative process. The assessment of the result in this case is more free, since it is not constrained by the initial plan for creating the subject image.
From the point of view of learning and development, the following psychological characteristics of three-year-old children can be distinguished:
- they are characterized by visual and effective thinking;
- their intellectual development depends on how rich the surrounding developmental environment is, i.e. does it allow you to explore the world around you in a variety of ways, manipulating various objects;
- speech is in the formative stage;
- training is effective only against the background of a psycho-emotional-comfortable state;
- attention, thinking and memory are involuntary.
Crisis 3 years - the border between early and preschool childhood. L.S. Vygotsky described the “seven stars of symptoms,” which indicate the onset of a three-year crisis:
1) negativism - the desire to do something contrary to the proposal of an adult, even contrary to one’s own desire; a negative reaction to a proposal because it comes from an adult;
2) stubbornness - the child insists on something because he demanded it, he is bound by his initial decision;
3) obstinacy is generally directed against the norms of upbringing, the way of life that developed before the age of three. Obstinacy is directed against the norms of behavior accepted in the family;
4) self-will - manifestation of the initiative of one’s own action, the desire to do everything oneself;
5) protest-rebellion - a child in a state of war and conflict with others;
6) a symptom of devaluation - the child begins to swear, tease and call his parents names. What was previously valuable depreciates. A 3-year-old child may break a favorite toy;
7) despotism - the child forces his parents to do everything he demands. In relation to younger sisters and brothers, despotism manifests itself as jealousy.
Interest in yourself in the mirror, girls in outfits, boys - success in design.
The crisis proceeds as a crisis of social relations, separation from close adults and is associated with the formation of the child’s self-awareness. This manifests the need for the realization and affirmation of one’s own self. The words “I want”, “I don’t want”, and “I” that appear in the child’s speech are filled with real content and become meaningful. A special form of personal consciousness arises, externally manifested in the famous formula “I myself.” The “I myself” phenomenon marks the psychological separation of the child from the adult and the collapse of the previous situation of social development. Two interrelated development trends are realized during a crisis period - a tendency towards emancipation and a tendency towards a volitional form of behavior. The peculiarity of this new type of action is that it lasts regardless of the behavior of adults; the child remains dissatisfied in any case. The behavioral complex “pride in achievements” expresses the new formation of the crisis of three years. It consists in the fact that for three-year-old children achievement (result, success in activity) and recognition (adult assessment) become significant. Internalization of the attitude of others towards oneself lays the foundations of the “I-system”, which includes initial self-esteem and the “striving to be good”. With a relatively democratic system of relations between an adult and a child, the critical period is more muted. But even in these cases, children themselves sometimes look for a reason to oppose themselves to an adult, since this is “internally extremely important” to them. Children begin to develop will and autonomy (independence, independence), they cease to need adult care and strive to make their own choices.
Posted on ref.rf
The child learns the difference between “want” and “should”. It is noted that children who did not have behavioral problems at the age of three, upon becoming adults, are often characterized as weak-willed and lacking initiative. Feelings of shame and insecurity instead of autonomy arise in children when parents limit the manifestations of the child’s independence, punish or ridicule any attempts at independence.
Towards the end of early childhood, the child's interests shift to the world of adults. A new attitude towards adults emerges. Now he acts as the personification of social roles ("mother in general", father, bus driver, doctor, policeman). The resolution of the early childhood crisis is associated with the emergence of full-fledged play.
So, at the heart of the crisis is the contradiction of two trends: the desire to take part in adult life and the assertion of independence - myself!
