Each of us has moments in life when it seems that even grains of meaning are drowned in the swamp of everyday life, failures, bad news, disgusting mood. This is the time when it seems that there is no meaning and never will be, when it seems that everything that was real in the world remains somewhere in the past. If you are experiencing something similar, then BroDude will help you, because today we will provide therapy to your life so that it is filled with meaning again.
Call an old friend to catch up
When you start to think that life is meaningless, it's probably because you've lost the sense of joy you once had. You are probably distracted by mundane thoughts about life, all sorts of social networks, ridiculous communication with colleagues. If this is the case, then an old friend or girlfriend who once played a significant role in your life can save you. Establish contact with them and, perhaps, everything will work out.
Get out of the circle
Another serious reason for your depression is the feeling that you are in a vicious circle. This happens because you spend each day the same as the previous one. You eat the same thing, work the required hours, and then rest in the same way. There is nothing new in your life, and therefore it takes on the eerie outlines of dullness and despondency.
This misunderstanding is easy to correct. Just start doing things that don't fit into your daily routine. Do something unexpected, at least in the most primitive sense. For example, you can go to the cinema after work instead of trudge home sadly.
Say no
It is difficult to find meaning in anything if life consists only of an endless circle of obligations, each of which follows one another. If you have taken on the burden of something that you do not want to do, then it is not surprising that you are consumed by melancholy. What to do? Get rid of this burden. Start saying no to people when they ask you to do something. It's not as difficult as it seems. And this is the only way not to be led by strange people, but to live your own life.
Go on holiday alone
Vacation is cool. But if you have lost the meaning of life, then the best vacation is not a vacation with friends, family, girlfriend, but a vacation alone with yourself. We are not saying that you should rest alone all the days, but set aside at least part of your vacation to understand yourself. At this time, decide on your priorities, review your achievements and failures, understand what you want from life. In fact, this can be done even over a weekend if you set a goal.
Do what you always wanted but put off
The worst thing about life is that it's so damn short. You won't have enough time to finish all your business, trust us. But you can shift your focus towards those things that you like. Surprisingly, the things you enjoy are almost always the same things you've been putting off. We have no idea why this is happening. Perhaps because it always seemed to you that all these things are not important to you, but the daily mandatory work is important. But that's not true. You decide for yourself what is important and what is not.
Do you feel like life is passing you by? Nothing makes you happy, but the blues have become a constant companion? Perhaps you are wasting your life on the wrong things.
There are 24 hours in a day. And they are all busy in action. Or inaction. It all depends on how a person manages his time, which is considered the most valuable currency all over the world.
Think about what you spend your life on. How are your 24 hours filled? Are you working hard, developing, investing in your bright future? Or do you spend hours dreaming about a bright future while sitting on a comfortable sofa?
There are some habits, things that make life seem boring and gray. There's nothing good about her. Check if you are living correctly. Maybe your life is empty and meaningless? If you have these 10 habits, it's time to change something.
1. The habit of dreaming. There's nothing wrong with dreams. But only if they are then supported by actions. Dream big, but dream big for yourself.
2. Dependence on circumstances. Wherever the wind blew, the man was carried there. External circumstances influence our psycho-emotional state. But this must manifest itself at the emotional level. Your favorite football team lost - they worried and forgot. There's no point in going on a binge. Don't let external circumstances ruin your mood.
Dependence on the outside world speaks of mental instability. The guy left the girl, and then she swallowed pills out of grief. Emotion took precedence over common sense. Therefore, mentally build a protective wall between yourself and the world around you. It will be easier to live this way.
3. Passive lifestyle. There are closed and open people. This is how human nature works: some people have their hearts wide open, while others are more accustomed to hiding in a hole. So, it's time to get rid of isolation. It very much depends on temperament, which, alas, cannot be changed. But it can be corrected.
4. Laziness. It makes us dumber. And we become poorer, because a lazy person will never achieve financial well-being. Lying on the couch, studying glossy magazines, watching films are very exciting activities. Some get so carried away that throughout their lives they are lazy to do something useful for themselves.
Urgently pull yourself out of the shackles of laziness, otherwise you will become covered in moss. There is no such thing as having absolutely nothing to do. Invest your time in things that are useful for yourself: self-education, solving work problems, cleaning, playing sports. But don't lie on the couch like a corpse.
5. Lack of plans for life. Already from adolescence, a person must understand in which direction he should move. But it happens that even in old age we do not understand how we should have built our lives, how to realize ourselves.
So that later you don’t feel painfully upset about wasting your life in vain, determine your main goals. There are several of them: family, career, self-development. Think about what you would like to achieve. Rely on your abilities and tastes. It is important to decide on the choice of specialty, because it is the wrong choice of profession that can cripple your life. Take advantage of special psychological tests that will direct you to the right professional path.
6. Addiction to social networks. Why are they even needed? People post their photos, post thoughtful quotes (which they themselves don’t remember), listen to music, watch movies. And they spend several hours in this social swamp. You need to have colossal willpower to visit your page literally for a minute. Which then, to be honest, lasts for many hours.
7. Lack of hobbies. This is a clear sign that you are living in vain. Only a limited person who is interested exclusively in primary needs: to eat, sleep and get laid cannot have hobbies. And a comprehensively developed personality is always looking for an outlet. She has an occupation in which she puts her heart and soul.
Let it be a basic reading of fiction. But this activity helps you take your mind off the whole world, fill you with energy and inspiration. A hobby shows that you are able to develop yourself and take your mind off work. It is also an excellent remedy for blues and bad mood.
8. The habit of whining for any reason. Whiners are pitiful at first. I want to console them, ask about their problems, and give advice. But over time, I want to ask a person why he is constantly dissatisfied with something. Is he really unable to cope with his life and constantly dumps his dissatisfaction with his own existence on others?
Whiners are deeply unhappy people. Their life is boring and monotonous. They don't know what to do with it. So they whine. Concentrating on problems allows them to at least somehow escape from their monotonous existence. And the habit of whining is contagious, so run away from whiners.
9. Constant savings on yourself. Everyone's salary is different. It depends on the degree of responsibility, prestige of the profession, education, professional skills, and experience. But even people who earn good money are used to saving on themselves. They buy low-quality food, live in a house without proper repairs, and skimp on medicines. And the salary is put aside for a rainy day. Or to a dacha, a car, or a daughter’s wedding.
But what's the point of money if you don't spend it on yourself? Why do you need a dacha if, due to constant saving on yourself, you will ruin your health? Don't be afraid to pamper yourself. You live here, now, and you need to spend now too. Of course, it's worth saving some money. But do not forget that the rainy day may never come, and you will no longer have the opportunity to spend your savings.
10. The habit of postponing life until later. Tomorrow you will definitely start doing exercises to lose weight. Starting next week, start learning English. Be sure to sign up for yoga next month. And starting next year, quit smoking. Promises made to oneself tend to be quickly forgotten. This has been tested by the experience of millions of people who also lived on breakfast.
Don't think that this perfect tomorrow will ever come. This is an empty excuse, a reason to put your life on hold indefinitely. A person who is hungry makes himself a sandwich today, not tomorrow. So why do you constantly put off decisions that are vital to you? You have to do it now, at this moment, otherwise you’ll live on “breakfasts” until you’re old.
These 10 habits indicate that your life is boring and primitive, it is devoid of meaning. Alas, you will have nothing to remember in your old age. Understand that life is worth living immediately, you will not have a second chance.
Growing up, we learn the rules of behavior in society, and also adopt from our parents their attitude towards “bad” character traits. As a result, a “forbidden fruit” effect is created, the attractiveness of which is not always resisted; violation of the rules causes a feeling of shame and has a destructive effect on the integrity of the individual.
Wishes for a happy life are traditionally found in greeting cards and poems. Even if the words are not a tribute to politeness, but sound absolutely sincere, not everyone and not always can explain what happiness will be for a particular person. The traditional “hard-working husband, obedient children, full house”? Life shows that not everything is so simple.
Life story
Here is a typical example: Ira is an ordinary girl “from a good family.” She graduated from school with honors and entered the institute recommended by her parents to study the prestigious specialty of economics. After university, under the patronage of her father, she got a job in a bank. Then a husband appeared, who received the full approval of his parents as a “promising businessman,” and children were born.
Twenty years later, Irina Ivanovna occupies a certain position, her husband owns a business that brings not exorbitant, but stable income. An apartment, a car, a vacation abroad, children placed in prestigious universities.
This is happiness, but... For some reason, life seems meaningless! The children live separately and are not often spoiled with visits. I would like to spend the free time I have with my husband, but he is busy with business, and there are fewer and fewer common topics for conversation. The career ladder has reached the “ceiling”, the work is boring, monotonous and you want to quit, but what will your colleagues, friends, parents think?
It was after the thought “what would my dad, who hired me at this bank, think if I quit,” that Irina began to realize that something was wrong with her life. I began to remember that at school I even crammed my least favorite subjects “excellently” so as not to upset my parents. The profession of an economist always seemed boring, but my mother insisted that it was financial and prestigious.
It was my dad who introduced me to my future husband. Of course, then she was young and stupid, and her parents were wise and wished only the best for her, and she is very grateful to them, but the habit of looking at the opinions of others was also instilled by her parents. They created a certain pattern, from which she was then afraid to retreat all her life, lest something terrible and irreparable happen. She even chose the car not to her liking, but one that “will correspond to the status of a leading economist.”
But the most important question came later: “what to do now?”... How to understand what in her life is dictated by the desire to meet the expectations and stereotypes of others, and what is real, what she really is, what she wants and what then is the meaning and happiness in life?
"True" and "false" self
Irina’s story is quite typical, not only for our country, but for the whole world. Moreover, psychologists have long and comprehensively studied the versatility of human nature.
Carl Jung has a theory of the “shadow” personality, which includes primitive, socially condemned character traits. Greed, envy, jealousy, anger, selfishness, eroticism, thirst for power - all this is usually denied, feared, and overcome in oneself. However, these traits are an integral part of human nature and, according to Jung, you can either find a common language with your “shadow” or become its victim.
The no less famous psychologist E. Erikson fully agrees with his Swiss colleague and puts forward the theory of “identity crisis.” According to her, “dark” aspirations are inherent in people by nature; they attract, but also frighten at the same time.
Growing up, we learn the rules of behavior in society, and also adopt from our parents their attitude towards “bad” character traits. As a result, a “forbidden fruit” effect is created, the attractiveness of which is not always resisted; violation of the rules causes a feeling of shame and has a destructive effect on the integrity of the individual.
But, perhaps, the most understandable and detailed explanation of the “true” and “false” self is given by the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst D. Winnicott. He came to the conclusion that from birth, a person, at the level of unconditioned reflexes, forms protection from the environment (including on the psychological plane) in the form of a reaction to a potential threat to comfort and well-being.
In children it looks like this: if the child’s basic needs are not perceived by the parents, he concludes that they are not significant. And here the first substitution of concepts occurs. Trying to get the attention of people on whom he depends, the child learns to perceive their desires and try to comply with them, suppressing his natural aspirations.
It seems to him that Inconsistency with your parents' self-image is a threat to your own well-being. Disappointing mom and dad means losing their love and care. Considering that adults often strive to self-actualize at the expense of children (I couldn’t, so let my son become a great hockey player), emotional lies only accumulate, instilling the habit of hiding one’s “true” self.
The instinct of self-defense is transformed into a “false” self, which over time is capable of completely isolating the “true” self not only from others, but also from the carrier itself. As a result, the sense of one's own identity begins to erode. This is exactly what happened to our heroine. At some point, she could no longer deceive herself and realized that she had to do something with her life so as not to lose herself.
Bringing Authenticity Back
It is worth noting that a person experiences the most vivid acquisition of individual identity in adolescence.age e (youthful maximalism), which does not mean that the “shadow” self will not be able to express itself at any period of life (midlife crisis).
The point here is that constant suppression of identity affects the integrity of the individual. Constant control over oneself and reacting to the mood of others is hard, exhausting work that takes a lot of energy and leads to stress and depression. But restoring an oppressed identity is not an easy task. Many people perceive such experiences exclusively negatively, which is fundamentally wrong.
Most often, a reunion with the “shadow” self occurs according to the following pattern: “I tried to remake myself, to become what others wanted me to see, but I didn’t do what I wanted, and I missed the best moments in life.” And it’s hard to argue with this, however Do not forget that self-respect is also a part of personality.
Therefore, whatever the life you have lived, it is yours, just as the life ahead will be yours. Recognizing and comprehending your mistakes, you should not regret what was lost, but seek strength for new achievements. The right attitude when finding your identity is a motivator for self-searching, a source of energy for implementing new ideas, a way to give impetus to the imagination and find the answer to the question of who a person is and who he really wants to become.
Recognizing a problem means half solving it
In the specialized literature you can find various ways and techniques for acquiring your identity. It is recommended to keep a diary and write letters to yourself, both to the future and to the past.
If you have a family, be sure to discuss emerging feelings, fears and worries. Search for solutions together, gradually becoming like-minded people again, helping both yourself and your partner understand your and his inner world, realize the journey of life, and outline the milestones of the future road.“Expand” consciousness, learn to look at familiar things from the outside, rediscovering their essence.published
It happens that the meaning of life is lost due to some tragedy. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, are very disappointed or have experienced real grief, in moments of despair you can make many mistakes. Therefore, when it seems to you that life is meaningless, you must first calm down.
Get rid of strong negative emotions. Throw out pent-up aggression in the gym or with phrases on paper. Your goal is to regain your ability to think clearly. Try to find a calm, even mood. You will need it to understand yourself and find new life values.
Understand yourself
If you think that life has lost all meaning, then you mean that there was one. Determine what exactly was the main purpose of your existence. Then think about why you consider this value lost: did you make some mistake or were you just disappointed in it?
When the meaning of life is lost because of your behavior, for example, you broke up with your loved one, and the world is no longer dear to you, you need to draw conclusions for the future in order to correct your own behavior in the future. Then you need to look for something that will replace your loss.
If you are disappointed in your ideals, you need to look for new ones. The main thing is not to blame yourself for misdeeds and mistakes.
Think about how you generally define the concept of “meaning in life.” Maybe you are looking at it too globally, while your life goal may be simple human happiness.
Take a break
Perhaps life has lost meaning for you because you haven’t had time to think about your real values. Rest, reflect, read, give yourself time to rethink your existence and absorb new information.
Such a pause sometimes helps to look at the world in a new way. If you have the opportunity to retire for a period of time and go to another country, to start a new spiritual path, use this as a chance to turn your life around.
Don't be bored
Maybe you're just bored. When a person does not have any special problems and lacks personal development, he can begin to stew in his own juice. The result is a feeling that life has lost all meaning. If this is your story, do new things.
Think about it, maybe it's time for drastic changes, such as starting your own family.
Let nothing happen in your life for now. Shake yourself up. Learn something new, do charity work, give time and attention to those who need it.
Natalia291
Hello. Several years ago, I began to notice long periods of depression and apathy, as well as a constant closeness to tears, although there was no particular reason for this. But then this state disappeared and then appeared again. I've never considered myself a cheerful person, but the last few months have just become very difficult. I feel like something is coming, and at these moments I feel wild despair and hopelessness, my whole life seems meaningless. Then everything is replaced by a feeling of some kind of inner emptiness. And I lost interest in the hobby that used to help me, it’s very painful. I'm trying to understand myself, but in the end I'm driving myself into a corner even more... Thanks in advance.
Natalia291, hello! Tell us more about yourself: how old are you, what do you do, do you live alone or with a family? What has happened in your life recently that could have affected your mood, do you think? Have you experienced any major losses in the last year or two? Perhaps you had to go through some kind of shock, illness or death of loved ones, separation from a significant person, loss of work, friends, property?
You mentioned your hobby: could you tell us more about it? What were you interested in before?
Natalia291
Thank you for your reply. I'm already 41, not married. I live with my teenage daughter, my son is an adult and lives separately. I can’t say that I have experienced any serious shocks or disappointments recently. The feeling of such slight sadness was always present and even helped me sometimes in my hobby. I write poetry, or rather I wrote until recently. This helped me a lot, but now there is some kind of confusion in my head, my thoughts seem to be scattered. I want to write something, I feel that it will become easier, but I realize that everything has become indifferent to me, I have neither the strength nor the desire. And this makes it even harder.
Natalia291, of course, you are a fully grown and accomplished person, you have raised two children. What is your specialty and education? Are you working now? Are you satisfied with your work? Do you have a personal life, how satisfied are you with what happens in it?
What is your relationship like with your adult son? With a teenage daughter? Who is in your inner circle? Are your parents alive, do you communicate with them? Is there any contact with the father or fathers of the children? Do they help you financially? How would you rate the quality of your life according to the following parameters (from 0 to 10)
Professional life, relationships with colleagues
- Life and home
- Finance
- Relationships with family members
- Personal life,
- Relationships with friends
- Creativity, self-realization
- Recreation, entertainment, leisure
- Spiritual life, education
Natalia291
Unfortunately, I never received a special education (I got married early). As I understand now, I never loved my husband, I just wanted to take revenge on my boyfriend. We didn’t have a close relationship, but I loved him madly. My husband and I separated shortly after the birth of our son. This was a mutual decision, because there was nothing except constant scandals. He neither communicated with his son nor participated in his upbringing. There were problems with my son both in childhood and adolescence, now everything is more or less calm. When I was already divorced and raising my son alone, a man appeared in my life again, whom I could never forget and for whose sake I decided to get married, out of stupidity, to spite him. He reciprocated, I was happy until I became pregnant. Then he offered to have an abortion, I refused, and we broke up
He was categorically against the child. But I have never in my life regretted for a second that I made a choice in favor of a child. That's how I had a daughter. Since then there have been no relationships in my life, and I don’t need anything anymore. Everything has its time. Her father has never even seen her daughter, we live in the same city, sometimes we bump into each other, trying not to make eye contact. At the moment I work part-time as a cleaner, my health doesn’t allow it any other way (leg problems). My relationship with my parents is strained, as has always been the case. Everything is as always...
Natalia291, your story makes me sad: it seems that you had to deal with a feeling of betrayal from a close man. Whatever the circumstances may be the reason for his reluctance to have your child together, he is responsible for the birth of a new life, and your daughter is not to blame for anything, she does not deserve such an attitude from her own father. I can only try to imagine how many different difficult feelings you experience for the person who was the center of your emotional life for a long time, and because of whom you made the most important decisions for you and your destiny.
And given the fact that you continue to live with this person in the same city and regularly receive a living reminder of these difficult feelings, it is not surprising that you may constantly feel depressed. You write that after you broke up with your daughter’s father, you were no longer interested in men. As far as I understand, the girl is now 12-15 years old, which means that you stopped all attempts to experience personal happiness and satisfaction when you were not yet 30 years old. You are still quite a young woman who can live her life not only caring for a child, but also experiencing love for a man. However, your choice was different. I will assume that you could not survive that story with the main man in your life until today, who brought you so much pain. While you needed to survive and raise children, you did not give yourself the opportunity to devote time and attention to your feelings and needs. The maternal instinct is capable of many things, and it helped you avoid touching your spiritual wounds. However, now the children have grown up, the son has begun to live an independent life, and the daughter is on the verge of growing up. Those life tasks to which you have dedicated yourself are gradually being realized, and the moment is not far off when the need to be only a caring mother for your children will no longer be so acute. Inevitably you feel this and natural questions about the new meaning of your life may appear in your soul. This is a completely natural process. All people whose children grow up feel something similar. Thinking about the future can be worrisome, especially if you feel that children and caring for them have taken up almost all the space in your life. Perhaps you are very worried about the appearance of emptiness and the inability to fill it in the usual way. This is very similar to the signs of one of the age-related crises, taking into account your family situation.
Many people go through such crises, Natalya, and reach a new stage and acquire new meaning and a sense of fulfillment. To do this, of course, one has to carry out difficult mental work. In your situation, I would invite you to think about the fact that this stage can bring you much more freedom than ever before in your life. You never had time for yourself. And now it has begun to appear. It's up to you to decide how to use it. A lot can still happen for you: your favorite thing, new acquaintances, close relationships and creative fulfillment. You have done the most important thing in your life: you raised two children alone, you are a very strong woman who is capable of much. Maybe you will give yourself permission to live for yourself, listening carefully to your feelings, needs, desires, moods.. This may not be easy at first, because you do not have such a habit. But as you observe yourself and allow yourself these new sensations, you can begin to experience life in a new way. You can come to unexpected discoveries, you can discover facets and sides of yourself that are completely unexpected for yourself. I really wish you, Natalya, that you become truly interested in yourself, begin to get to know yourself, and explore yourself. I am convinced that this can become the most exciting page of your life.
Natalia291
Thank you very much for your answer. You are right, you need to rethink your life, find something new for yourself, but for some reason this seems impossible to me. The reality is that time is running out, I know I'm old and I look terrible. I can’t even imagine a stranger, an outsider, in my life, and I really can’t be with another man. I realized this a long time ago, because K. There had been attempts a couple of times before, but without my initiative. For some reason, even the memory of this disgusts me. I understand now that perhaps I loved not a person, but an image that I came up with for myself. But I write poetry based only on these feelings and experiences. I tried many times to write something positive, but I gave up. Obsessive actions also began to manifest themselves more strongly; before I could somehow control them, but now it’s impossible. There has become a need to carry out these rituals not only at home, but also at work. People probably already notice and think I’m crazy. If you haven’t noticed yet, it’s a matter of time. I hate myself for my weakness and inability to cope with this. Plus this insomnia... I don’t want my daughter to see me in this state, she’s already an adult, she’s almost 15. Perhaps I’m screwing myself up, there’s no one to blame but myself. You just have to learn to live in this situation.
We can continue the consultation here, but I believe that this will not be enough for you: You need live communication and regular support for your efforts to find new meaning.
Natalia291
Natalia291, you can continue our topic with you as soon as you feel the need. What I would recommend that you do for yourself now:
It's important to give yourself small pleasures every day. Can you list at least five points of what brings you relaxation, pleasure, and creates a good mood? Do it right now, in this thread, please list it. Let's see together which of these you could do more often.
Could you tell us who, besides your daughter and son, you enjoy communicating with, at least sometimes? Who could support you in difficult moments? Who are you just ready to have a nice time with?
Writing poetry, as I felt, is a very great resource for you, including a way to throw out your experiences and emotions. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with the fact that there is a lot of sadness in your poems: in this way you give this sadness an outlet and ease your state of mind.
If you are ready to talk about the rituals that you mentioned, we can try to explore this issue.
Natalia291
I thought for a long time about which five points should be focused on and realized that at the moment I cannot name more than one. Now there is nothing that would bring joy or pleasure. It’s also not possible to relax yet, there’s always some kind of internal tension. For many years now I have noticed the habit of bending my fingers into a fist. If someone tells me about this, or friends try to joke about it, I feel very embarrassed and I also try to laugh it off. Well, I just feel more comfortable this way and sometimes I don’t immediately notice it. Previously, there was a person with whom I could have a heart-to-heart talk, this is my friend, whom we have not seen for a long time, but now we have moved away from each other, everyone has their own life, no one is to blame for this. But a colleague appeared (we work together), and somehow by chance she mentioned a problem similar to mine and we talked a little about it. At that moment I felt a little better.
Natalia291, what could bring you joy and pleasure? What did you like to do before when you didn't notice such severe stress?
About your friend: perhaps she misses you too?
Regarding your new friend: do you want to get to know her a little better?
Natalia291
I used to get pleasure from poetry; I’ve been writing since childhood, and it was always probably the only thing that brought real joy. Now I can truly probably be happy for my daughter’s successes, for the fact that she is not like me. She is very active, participates in all kinds of competitions and events, and has many friends. My friend and I communicated closely when we were both single at that time; we have sons of the same age. She was always aware of my problems and relationships, we absolutely trusted each other, and now, I think, nothing would have changed. We don’t communicate, but that doesn’t make us different people. She is the only one who supported me in my decision to have a second child, when everyone around me categorically did not approve of it. We see each other very rarely, but when we do, I feel like nothing has changed over the years, and I can also trust her completely. I feel sympathy for my new acquaintance as a person who trusts me and shares something with me. Perhaps we can become friends in the future, I would like that.
Natalia291, what do you think, with what eyes does your daughter look at you? Usually girls take a model of life behavior by looking at their mother. Do you think she might be proud of you? How will you answer her questions about men, how to choose them, how to build relationships with them? Is it important for you to be a support for your daughter on her journey of growing up? What do you think about what it’s like for a child to be next to a depressed mother?
Natalia291
It hurts. Realize that you have never been and will never become an example for your daughter. Of course, when communicating with her, I try to hide my condition as much as possible. I’m always interested in how things are going and what’s new at school. Whenever possible, I try to let her know that I care about what happens to her and how important she is to me. Of course, when she was younger, we talked to her more, but now, I think, due to the fact that she is so old, she has become more secretive. There has not been a question about men yet; I don’t want to think about it, although I understand that it is necessary. Again, I am very glad that she is not like me. At her age I was an outcast. I can’t evaluate myself from the outside right now, but I will do everything possible so that she doesn’t see me the way I feel inside.
