The hand of an independent woman. How to be a strong and independent woman

There are women we admire. They are always successful, achieve their goals, are smart, beautiful and interesting. People around them love them, and men admire such ladies and dream of seeing them as spouses. Strong and independent - these words have long ceased to be synonymous with a lonely mature woman who has never been able to find a man to her liking. After all, such a woman may well be happy in love, as well as alone. What does it mean to be strong and independent and what qualities does this superwoman possess?

She has her own opinion and knows how to defend it

Stereotypical reasoning that representatives of the fairer sex should not have their own opinions, and in general ideal woman timid and obedient have long been out of date. A lady who has her own opinion and is able to defend it no longer causes bewilderment, but rather respect. They listen to her, they communicate with her, it is pleasant and interesting to be in her company. And it is precisely such women who are able to achieve a lot and achieve professional success.

She has her own style, but fashion trends are not alien to her

Individual style is an important trait that every woman should have. This is what makes her unique and truly attractive. Despite this, such a woman is aware of everyone fashion trends, and skillfully uses them in his image. However, she will not hang herself with trendy things, choosing only those that she likes and suits herself and fits into her style.

She loves herself

Self-love is very important nuance, which determines how others will treat you. If you don’t love yourself, and you’re not interested in being alone with yourself, how can you hope that others will love you?

Admire yourself - you are unique and beautiful. And don't forget to pamper yourself. You deserve only the best - the best outfits, better man, a better life.

She doesn't depend on other people's opinions

It cannot be said that a strong and independent woman is completely indifferent to other people’s opinions. On the contrary, she strives to make the right impression on everyone. But she understands perfectly well that it is impossible for everyone to like her, and therefore she is not upset when it turns out that someone does not like her at all. Someone's outside opinion will never make her change her mind if she is sure that she is right, and will not affect the final result of any event.

She treats the man loyally

A strong and independent woman is not one of those who tells her chosen one what he owes, and does not blackmail him with the words “you’re a man.” She allows her loved one small weaknesses, leaves him the right to independently make decisions regarding his life, and also listens to his opinion. At the same time, she does not always agree and will not act contrary to her wishes - she will try to find a compromise.

She achieves her goals

The main feature of a strong and independent woman is that her goals are not an empty phrase, no matter what the matter concerns. If this woman wants something, she will act and not complain about fate. And actions always lead to results, sooner or later. The main thing is to be purposeful and not give up.

She has a positive outlook on the world

This is the secret of her success - she perceives the world, looking at it positively, highlighting only the best, and does not look for anything to complain about. She even perceives her problems only as an annoying obstacle that needs to be overcome, and not as a misfortune on a universal scale.

You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

To be a strong, independent woman means to be able to find your own happiness. This means that self-confidence does not depend on the attitude of any person or society as a whole. This means having emotional independence and the ability to build with others. healthy relationships without becoming dependent. This means learning to express yourself as you are: shy and quiet or assertive and loud. There is no need to try to squeeze yourself into any framework. Read this article about how to embrace the woman you are and want to become.

Steps

Part 1

Develop self-confidence

Put yourself first. If you notice that you are missing something - be it privacy, peace of mind or attention - try to satisfy this need. If you need attention, take a day to pamper yourself in some way. If you need solitude, take time to journal or go for a walk in nature. If you need peace of mind, spend time thinking about what you love about yourself, take yourself to a restaurant for dinner or to a movie. The simpler you are about meeting your own needs and the faster you do it for yourself, the more healthy relationships you will be able to build with other people, since understanding yourself will allow you to better express yourself in front of your partner.

Learn to recognize addictive relationships. If you are a codependent person, you will quickly find that this relationship defines your entire life. Perhaps you are obsessed with thoughts about this person and cannot accept independent decision without consulting him. Start overcoming codependency by being vigilant for the following warning signs:

• Low self-esteem
• Pleasing others
• Blurred personal boundaries
• Reactivity
• Helpfulness
• Control
• Dysfunctional communications
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Addiction
• Negation
• Inability to spend time alone with oneself
• Painful emotions.

1. Learn to set personal boundaries. Set personal boundaries by making your own needs a priority. For example, set boundaries about how much time you spend with a person, or how much criticism you are willing to accept. Make sure that in addition to romantic relationships There were other relationships and activities in your life: school, work, friends, self-care, or your family.

   • Set personal boundaries in your relationships with people and explain that you have a need for your own independence. Once you agree on certain boundaries, stick to those agreements.

2. Don't let yourself be offended. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, in the real world you need to be able to stand up for yourself if you do not want to be constantly taken advantage of by other people. You need to learn not to give yourself offense, both at school and at work, and in any other society. Develop self-confidence. Don't be ashamed of your confidence or apologize for it. Confidence is the golden mean between passivity and aggression.

   Believe in yourself. Believing in your abilities and achievements is empowering. Go for what you need and want. If you lack confidence or constantly play the victim, you run the risk of everyone around you getting their needs met at your expense while you never get what you want.

   When someone hurts your feelings, speak up. If someone somehow hurts you with their betrayal, be sure to tell the person about it. Sharing your emotions can be difficult, especially if you are feeling hurt or angry. But telling the person how you feel can help them prevent similar behavior in the future.

   • For example, you could say, “I was offended when you said you didn’t like my hair. I would be grateful if you would no longer criticize my appearance.”

3. Do not leave disrespectful and offensive comments without your attention. If you hear someone make a disrespectful comment, don't remain silent. There is no need to get into an argument. Let this person know that you did not appreciate what he just said.

4. Recognize your own uniqueness and the uniqueness of those around you. Strive to develop empathy and joy for others, recognizing their unique talents and abilities, and treat yourself the same way! Every woman has her strengths, be it math skills, artistic talent or leadership skills. Accept all your abilities and gifts and love yourself for them.

   Part 2

   Take responsibility for your sexuality

   Part 3

   Take care of your health

   Part 4

   Manage your finances

   Part 5

   Follow your dreams

   Part 6

   Support your community
   • Choosing a specific woman as an example strong woman can have an inspiring effect. Such a woman could be one of the family members, a supporter of women's equality, an actress or a politician.
   • Love and respect yourself. What we send into this Universe, as a rule, comes back to us. So be careful what you send out there.

   Sources and resources

   1. Lancer, D. (2013). Symptoms of codependency. PsychCentral. Retrieved from http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/00011992
   2. Coyne, S.M., Linder, J.R., Nelson, D.A., & Gentile, D.A. (2012). ‘Frenemies, fraitors, and mean-em-aitors’: Priming effects of viewing physical and relational aggression in the media on women. Aggressive Behavior, 38(2), p. 141-149. doi: 10.1002/ab.21410
   3. Ostrov, J.M., Hart, E.J., Kamper, K.E., Godleski, S.A. (2011). Relational aggression in women during emerging adulthood: A social processes model. Behavioral Sciences & The Law, 29(5), 695-710. doi:10.1002/bsl.1002
   4. Stevens, T. G. (2014). Assertive communication skills to create understanding and intimacy. Retrieved from

Don't wait - act!

Any, even the most insignificant movement forward is more effective than stupid waiting. They don't call after the interview? Call yourself and find out when a decision will be made. Boyfriend can't decide on plans for the weekend? Plan your leisure time independently of it. Can't get a promotion for a long time? Consider other companies or related vacancies. It is better to try many options and not get what you want than to do nothing at all. No one will do more for you than yourself.

Don't think about how they evaluate you. Evaluate it yourself

There is little pleasure in sitting on a date in a cafe and wondering, “How do I like him?” You've probably noticed that men often don't even consider the possibility that they might not like you. So relax, sit back and evaluate your boyfriend in all respects. At the same time, you will decide whether he is interesting to you or not.

Don't wishful thinking

Imagine how much time you can save if you don't waste it on interpreting signals of male sympathy. What difference does it make how he looked and whether he put his thumb in the belt of his trousers if he still hasn’t called and offered to meet? An axiom tested by generations of women says: a man doesn’t call for two reasons: either he doesn’t want to, or he’s dead. Best attitude- this is calm optimism and the absence of mood swings due to someone’s calls or lack thereof.

Know how to cheer yourself up

How to become successful and independent? Don’t let yourself become sore because your boss scolded you for being late, an elderly lady was rude in public transport, or your friend criticized you. new haircut. Other people should not negatively influence your emotional state and undermine your self-esteem. To stay in good shape, keep in mind a solid list of things that you enjoy: a warm bath with a book, a cup of coffee with syrup, going to the pool or going for a pedicure. Compensate for failure with pleasure.

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Don't get over yourself

Self-love is the first step in any relationship in your life. Don't expect others to love you more than you love yourself. The most valuable relationship in a person's life is the relationship with himself. What matters is what you think about yourself. You can’t feel emotionally comfortable in the morning if the night before you sat in the office late doing someone else’s work. When you don’t want to do something, politely refuse, and you will feel what “a weight off your shoulders” and “lightness in your soul” means.

Don't compare yourself to others

Comparing your successes with the successes of others often leads to envy. How to become an independent girl? If you are unhappy that Lenka from the marketing department has received a promotion, but you, a procurement specialist, have not yet, think about what does not suit you in your situation. Do you not feel valued, are you working outside of your calling, or do you firmly believe that high status guarantees moral satisfaction? Comparing yourself with Lenka is the same as comparing south with north, and day with night.

Develop your abilities

Harmonious personal and professional development can make you happier and have a positive impact on your self-esteem. Regularly do what you are good at and what you really enjoy. Learn to do it really well. And sometimes it’s useful to trust some technique for identifying innate tendencies. You may not develop them, but you will certainly take note of them. What you don't do in your daily work can be turned into a hobby. Developing talent cultivates qualities that can be valuable in both your career and personal life.

Develop missing skills

You probably know the feeling of reluctance to take on a task that requires the use of tools that you do not know well. For example, you don’t like working in Excel and always procrastinate when preparing a report in this program. Ask a colleague to show you a few functions, and already in next month you'll finish your reporting faster.

Here's what Brian Tracy, author of books on self-development and leadership, writes about the missing skills: “You can learn masterful time management just like you can learn anything, and here's a big clue: you may be missing just one time management skill to double your income. You may be missing just one business skill! You probably already know what this skill is...”

Forgive yourself for your weaknesses

Weaknesses are like curls on fingerprints; without them, it would be impossible to identify who the fingers belong to. Weaknesses make us not only imperfect, but also humane, because they teach us to accept the weaknesses of others. Forgive yourself not laziness or bad habits, but some addictions and distinctive features: love of coffee, clutter on the table, slowness or excessive talkativeness. Although such little things take you away from the ideal, they work great for your corporate style.

Be financially independent

Material independence gives you an advantage in everything. Girls who are able to take care of themselves are respected more, and you yourself feel much more confident having a stable income. You can be a real master of your life only if you don’t ask for anything from anyone and don’t expect anything from anyone. An independent girl can afford expenses that some would consider unreasonable: spa treatments, shoes to lift her spirits, lunch at a restaurant, lots of swimsuits or taxi services. And also, in order to become an independent woman, it is advisable to increase your own emergency reserve, putting aside 5-10% of your salary every month. If the funds stop coming, you will not be lost.

Be free from prejudice

Some people initially accept for themselves the rules of life that the majority live by. In everything you need to listen to the advice of your parents, always give up your seat in transport, work only in your specialty, after two years of relationship you must get married, preferably before the age of 25, and there must be at least two children. Such attitudes are only suitable for you if you accept them for yourself. To curious neighbors eager to know when you will finally get married, it is better to answer politely but firmly: “As soon as I have such a desire, I will immediately inform you about it.”

Text: Marina Lysenko and Anzhelika Zakharina

Oh, these independent women! More than one man was trampled under the majestic heel! There are so many legends about their cruelty and deceit that Satan himself and the US State Department can envy. Relationships with them are a test that only a very strong and confident man can do. Others are afraid of them. And here's why.

1. Because she's not afraid to have her own opinion.

An independent woman, by and large, has independent thoughts. Among all the freedoms given to her, she has the most important one - the freedom to think. Independence is possible only for women with a sharp mind, strong character and a certain amount of cunning.
She is stubborn, like a Mongolian tank, and will not rack her brains to find an alternative path. Especially if this path contradicts her worldview. She may be more stubborn than you. And more decisively. So don't piss her off.
She has the genes of a revolutionary, and she doesn’t care how you feel about her decisions.

2. Because she doesn't ask permission.

An independent lady doesn't need your approval. She has her own set of rules, which she herself wrote in her own ink.

She is one of those who, during her student days, without hesitation went into the dean’s office to argue and ask, while everyone else was huddled in embarrassment in the corridor. She is one of those who tells annoying relatives that, to put it mildly, they have bothered their family with their annual unexpected visit.
Why are we so afraid of girls who adhere to their own set rules? Because they are not afraid of getting into trouble. More likely, she will have to get you out of trouble, and not vice versa. And it will also be unpleasant for you when every Friday she goes out “with her friends” just because she wants to, without at all asking what you think about it.

3. Because she's not afraid to bask in her own glory.

An independent woman does not hide behind a mask of “false modesty.” She is not going to fold her arms and pretend that she is not very proud of her leadership and success. This is not the pale sheep who lives for her husband. Career and success come first, and family comes second.
An independent woman is fierce and honest with herself. And if she is not proud of herself, there is something wrong.

4. Because you can't intimidate her

An independent woman cannot be intimidated by imaginary hierarchies. She knows that in any situation she can take care of herself, and all these threats from you, all these pounding on the table with your fist and shouting a la “I told you!” have absolutely zero effect. She will not be intimidated by cheap tactics of intimidating the weak.
She sees everything as it is and understands which of you is weaker and who is really strong. Real power, even in the family, is based on respect, and not on beatings, fear and unpleasant scandals.

5. Because she doesn't really need you.

She doesn't depend on you and she doesn't need you. She doesn't need your money (she earns it herself, and she likes it), your approval and your instructions. She knows what she wants in life and takes what she needs.

On the other hand, if such a woman loves you, then this is perhaps the most honest relationship. She fell in love with you, and not your house and yacht.

6. Because she earns more

The economy greatly influences relationships. Sometimes it happens that a man is laid off at work, and the lady remains the only breadwinner in the family. And then something terrible happens. The man begins to be tormented by the thought that it is not he who provides for the family, which is fraught with depression, alcoholism and total insecurity. A man is not afraid of the fact that a lady is wealthier than him. He is angry that he earns less. And with nothing to do, he will sit at home looking for work, it will be difficult for him to come to terms with his role, protest is possible, because you should be cooler... But it turns out that she is cooler.

However, the worst thing is when she brags about her financial well-being. And it seems to you that she is trying to show with all her appearance that she doesn’t need a rag like you. She can achieve everything on her own.

7. Because she is difficult to live with

You must truly love her and sincerely believe her. This can be very difficult, given her difficult nature. But in fact it is possible.
It's not made of stone either. Such ladies, oddly enough, have feelings. And even she needs to feel protected and loved. This seems surprising, but it is a fact. Don’t torment her with your mistrust, suspicion, indifference, otherwise she will leave you first.

8. Because her demands are too high

Sometimes such ladies make too high demands on men. Too tall. It is quite difficult to achieve their favor, because the list of requirements for candidates is huge. And if you are a lazy ass, then an independent woman is definitely not for you.