Knowing what a good friend is and trying to meet his criteria is The best way to find and keep good friends. And close friends give us a strong sense of emotional security, which increases life expectancy, scientists are sure.
Friendship and health - is there a connection?
Those who are surrounded by good friends live longer, scientists say. It's all about the feeling of emotional security and warmth that friends give us. If you have at least one close friend, life seems happier and your ability to cope with stress and problems increases. Surprisingly, even having a good intimate partner does not provide the same physical and emotional health benefits that friendship provides. Good friends provide more support than lovers, siblings, parents or children. Good friends provide different levels of understanding and communication that positively impact our well-being and sense of self.
Emotional Health Benefits of Friendship
- Laboratory studies showed that hamsters with skin wounds that were caged with other hamsters recovered faster than those that were alone. The hamsters in the company also produced less cortisol in their bodies, a stress hormone that has a negative impact on mood and immunity. You are certainly not a hamster. But scientists are confident that the same conclusions can be transferred to human friendship. Whether you are depressed, recovering from an illness, or experiencing stress, you will recover and recover much faster if you have good soul friends nearby.
- Scientists have not yet figured out exactly how, but having good friends can even improve our condition. immune system. Good friends help you relax, gain hope and faith in the future, and the feeling that everything will be okay. Friends give emotional comfort and a good mood.
- Strong support is not only about emotions and feelings. Moral support also means a lot. Simply put, when a friend accompanies you to a doctor's appointment or medical procedure, your blood pressure and heart rate even decrease, doctors say. Without established social connections or friends, you are more likely to experience negative emotions and be sicker than usual.
However, in order to always be surrounded by friends, you need to become a good friend yourself.
How to be a good friend
Spend time together. If due to lack of time you cannot often go for walks with a friend, then at least call or write to him regularly. Conversations don't have to be long. Even a short and friendly SMS message can sometimes do a lot to keep you connected. Set your priorities. We all always have a lot of things to do. Maybe you "should" clean the house, wash the dog, cook dinner, or watch TV (some people feel like they have to do this!). However, try to set your priorities. Communication with a friend should become much more important to you than household duties. Be with friends in both good and bad moments of life. Funeral of relatives and daughter's wedding, surgery or celebration - always be close to your friends. Share the joy with them and lend your shoulder in difficult times. Be sincerely happy for your friend and worry about him in difficult moments.
Don't keep score. Who should call this time? Which of you paid for a taxi last time? Who spent the most on new Year gifts? Who cares? If the friendship is truly strong, such things don't matter much. You are not competitors on the sports field. Focus on the positive aspects of your friend. We all have our own “cockroaches” - quirks and weaknesses. Focus on strengths your friend and his wonderful qualities. To be a good friend, you need to be able to forget about the things in which you and your friend are different and focus on what is common.
Friends are our second family. To get a good friend, you need to become a good friend. 10 points that you should not forget about in order to be and become a good friend.
Friendships are a very valuable part of our lives. Practically, this is our second family. Therefore, finding a friend and being able to maintain friendly relations with him is the most important skill for each of us.
And to get a good friend, you need to become a good friend. Friendship will not tolerate conventions and injustice - it should be a two-way flow, from which both sides should feel better.
Here are 10 points that you should not forget about in order to be and become a good friend:
1. Be open to communicating with a new person
Remember that every person you meet is a separate story, and it is no simpler or less interesting than your own. Don't be too superficial in your judgments about others. Every person has something amazing and unique.
2. Know how to listen and hear
In most cases, when a friend asks you to discuss his problems, he does not need your advice, but your ability to listen. Don't rush to judge, criticize or advise, just let your loved one speak out. Perhaps this is the only thing that is required of you now.
3. Give what you want in return.
Don't expect from your friends what you yourself are not ready to give them. Any relationship is built on reciprocity. Do you want love? Love. Do you want devotion? Be loyal. Do you want respect? Respect.
4. Support your loved ones
Even the most insignificant praise from your lips, which will be a trifle for you, can mean a lot to the one to whom it is spoken at the right moment. Support loved one is an incredibly valuable resource.
5. Don't be a perfectionist
A person is valued for his unique combination of all the good and bad that is in him. Learn to love not only your shortcomings, but also the shortcomings of your friends. After all, this is part of their character, without which they might have been completely different.
6. Learn to let people go
No matter how sad it is, it happens that people’s relationships last as long as they need something from each other: emotions, impressions, support. And at some point the relationship may end. You need to learn to put up with this and be able to let people go. Remember, if communication with someone ends, it does not mean that someone did something wrong, just that their participation in your life story has come to an end.
8. Focus on quality rather than quantity
Answer the question for yourself - which of your friends is truly close to you. In any case, you will have to prioritize. It is impossible to be a good friend to a million people, but you can be an irreplaceable person to a few people. It remains to decide who these few are.
9. Say what you mean
Don't force your loved ones to figure things out for you. Formulate your thoughts clearly and clearly, and most importantly, be sincere. If you feel that your thoughts are too harsh, try to give them a softer form, but do not lie.
10. Don’t forget about your relationship with yourself.
One of the most important and intricate relationships in every person’s life is the relationship with oneself. No matter how much you love the people close to you, this love should not be stronger than love to yourself. Support, value and respect yourself, only then can you be a good friend to another person.
True friendship is worth every bit of effort. As the years pass, you will realize how invaluable every friendship you maintain is. Follow these tips to be a good friend and develop friendships.
Being a good friend isn't always easy, but built over time, it's long lasting. real friendship, is worth every bit of effort. As the years pass, some people will stay with you, but many will move on, and you will realize how invaluable every friendship you maintain is. Of course, to have a good friend, you need to be one yourself. Follow these tips to be a good friend and develop friendships over the years.
1. Be reliable
1.1 Keep your promises. Never make promises you can't keep, or at least don't let it become a habit. If you promised to go out with a friend but unexpected circumstances arise, explain the situation and hope that your friendship is strong enough to handle the unpleasant situation. No one is perfect, so it's okay if you don't keep your promise once every 100 years, but don't make a habit of it.
When making a serious promise, look your friend in the eyes and speak slowly to demonstrate that you are truly aware of the situation and are not just saying it because you think you have to say it.
1.2 Be reliable. Reliability is one of the most important qualities of a good friend. No one likes flighty people, and no one wants to become close friends with them. It is difficult to rely on a person who does not behave in a consistent or trustworthy manner. We all know good-natured but flighty people who promise something but never keep their promise. If this is about you, know that this way you undermine the trust of your friends. Eventually, they will stop believing your promises.
If you're not sure you can deliver on something, don't agree to take on it and then fail to deliver on your promise. Instead, be honest about how you're not sure you can handle the assignment.
Friends should always feel like they can count on you, even when the going gets tough. If you're only around during fun times, you'll be nothing more than a situational buddy.
1.3 Apologize for your mistakes. If you want your friends to trust you, don't act like you're perfect. If you know you made a mistake, admit it, rather than denying it. While your friends won't be happy that you made a mistake, they will be very happy that you are mature and thoughtful enough to admit the mistake rather than pretend it didn't happen or, worse, blame it on someone else. .
When apologizing, you must understand what you are apologizing for. Let your friends hear the sincerity in your voice rather than thinking that you don't really care about their feelings.
1.4 Be honest. If you want to be a good friend that people trust, be honest about your feelings, your friends' actions, and your sense of value in your friendship. If feelings are honest, this opens a direct path to open communication with friends and, most likely, will allow them to open their souls to you. If a friend has hurt you, don't be afraid to talk about it. If something upsets you, don't hesitate to tell a friend about it.
Honesty is different from reckless straightforwardness, which can hurt friends. If you think a friend has a drinking problem, you owe it to him, for his own good, to talk about it. But if you think your friend looks a little strange in a new dress, it's better to keep your mouth shut.
Be real. Get close to people who mean a lot to you on a deep level if you want to have lasting, long-term friendships. Put your soul into relationships with people around whom you can remain yourself. If you lack sincerity, the friendship will not last.
1.5 Don't use people. If one of your friends suspects you're taking advantage of him, he'll drop you like a hot potato. good friendship is not built on the hope that another person's popularity and connections will help you in life. If you try to be friends with a person in order to get into a certain company, this is not friendship, but mercantile interest, and, ultimately, your vile act will manifest itself.
And if you have a reputation for taking advantage of other people, new people won't be very happy to befriend you.
Friendship is about giving and taking. Sure, it's nice to have one of your friends drive you to school every day, but make sure you're giving them something in return.
1.6 Be loyal. If a friend has shared something secret, trusting you, keep the secret and do not discuss it with anyone else in the same way as if it were about your secret. Don't talk about your friend behind his back or spread rumors about secret things he shared with you. Never say words about a friend that you would risk repeating to his face. Be loyal to your true friends and be ready to defend them if new friends or people you barely know start gossiping about them.
An important part of loyalty is understanding the importance of long-term and stable friendships. Don't throw away all those valuables just to hang out with him all the time. new girl, boyfriend or new one cool person whom I recently met.
If you have a reputation for being a talker or a gossip, your friends will quickly realize that they can't tell you anything personal or they will stop spending much time with you altogether.
Don't let others talk bad about your friends. Until you have a chance to find out how your friend sees the situation, avoid comments based on rumors and speculation. If the person says things that shock you and that you don't think apply to your friend's words or behavior, say something like, “I know him, and none of this rings true. Let me talk to him to understand his opinion about the situation. Until then, I would appreciate it if you don’t talk about what happened.”
1.7 Be respectful. Good friends show respect for each other through open attitudes and mutual support. If a friend has certain values and beliefs that differ from your views, respect their choice and be open to hearing more about it. To earn your friend's trust, make him feel comfortable expressing opinions with which you may disagree or discussing new perspectives with you. If a friend believes that you are suppressing any interesting or promising idea that he has, your friendship will cease to be of any value.
Sometimes friends may say things that seem boring, awkward or annoying, but if you respect your friend, allow him to speak without judging him.
In situations where you don't see eye to eye, express disagreement respectfully and be willing to look at things from the other side.
2. Be supportive
2.1 Be selfless. While you don't have to be selfless all the time, selflessness is an important quality to have in a good friend. Whenever possible, comply with your friends' wishes, provided they do not go beyond what is reasonable. Reciprocate good deeds with good deeds of your own and your friendship will grow stronger. If you have a reputation for being selfish and someone who only shows up when you need help, people will understand that you don't care about them.
Do a friend a favor from pure heart, and not for profit.
There is a difference between a selfless person and someone who everyone rides on. If you feel like you're always helping your friends without getting anything in return, then you have a problem.
But do not abuse generosity and hospitality. If a friend does something nice for you, quickly reciprocate. Promptly return the money borrowed. Go home when it seems like it's time.
2.2 Know how to listen. Don't monopolize conversations and take the time to truly understand and support your friend when they reach out to you. Sounds simple, but make sure you listen as much as you talk about yourself. If you spend all your conversations expressing your feelings, your friend won't get anything out of the relationship. Listening to your friend opens up space for communication between you and reassures them that you care.
If you're just waiting for your friend to finish talking so you can speak up, it will be noticed immediately.
Try to find a balance by letting your friend talk about half the time. Even though some people are more shy than others, if your friend can't get a word in edgewise when you're talking, your friendship is unlikely to flourish.
2.3 Help your friends cope with difficulties. To truly help, you must be able to sense the moment when a friend is going through a difficult time. If you feel that your friend is in trouble and has little control over the process, such as taking drugs, being promiscuous, or getting too drunk at a party, help him get out of the unpleasant situation by not being embarrassed to talk about it.
Don't expect your friend to handle it on his own. It may take a long time for your voice common sense woke up my friend and helped him get out of the psychological hole. When you see a problem, talk, no matter how awkward you feel.
Let your friend know that he can always count on you to cry in his vest. difficult moment. By feeling less lonely, your friend will be able to cope with his problems faster.
If all your friend wants to do is talk about a problem, that's fine at first, but you still need to help him find practical solutions to problems.
For example, if a friend admitted to having an eating disorder and simply promised to eat more, you need to talk about taking more serious steps to address the problem, such as seeing a doctor.
2.4 Be there in difficult times. If a friend is hospitalized, visit him. If his dog ran away, help him find it. If he needs to be met, wait at the designated place. Take notes for your friend during school activities when he is absent. Send cards and packages of nice things when you live far away. If grief has happened in his family and a relative has died, support your friend at the funeral. Let him know that he can count on you at any time.
A friend cannot always be in difficult situation, although not some still manage to do so. Be there to help during difficult times, but this cannot be the basis of your relationship.
While being nearby, it is important to provide emotional support. Take care of your friend so he can open up and cry. Give him a tissue and listen with an open heart. There is no need to say anything, even if everything seems wrong. Just remain calm and reassuring.
When a friend is going through a crisis, don't tell them everything will be fine if it's not. Sometimes it's hard not to say this, but false confidence is often worse than the bitter truth. Instead, say you'll be there. Stay honest, but at the same time, optimistic and positive.
If a friend starts talking about suicide, tell people close to you about it. This rule takes precedence over the rule about keeping a friend's personal secrets, so even if he asks not to tell anyone, tell him anyway. Suggest contacting the support line or specialist. Talk to your parents or your friend's parents or spouse (if they are not causing the problem) before involving anyone else.
2.5 Give thoughtful advice. As a good friend, you should be able to assess the situation from your friend's point of view and offer your opinion without insisting that he must do everything you say. Don't judge your friend, just advise him when he asks.
Don't give unsolicited advice. Let your friend blow off steam if necessary, and be willing to give advice when it's obvious your friend needs it. Always ask permission before giving advice.
In some cases, it is necessary to act harshly for the greater good in order to protect a friend from trouble. Use your own discretion. There is no need to lecture or put pressure on your friend. Tell us how you see the situation, based on the facts, and suggest what you would do in such a situation.
2.6 Give your friend space when he needs it. Support also means understanding that your friend doesn’t want to be around you all the time. Know how to step aside, giving him free space. Be understanding that your friend sometimes wants to be alone or go out with other people. There is no need to become pushy or needy for attention. Becoming clingy and checking on your friend every couple of minutes when he's not around will make you appear possessive, which is completely unacceptable.
Don't be jealous if he has many friends. Every relationship is different and special, and having other friends doesn't mean he doesn't value you.
Allowing each other to take time to connect with other friends gives both of you a break, allowing you to reconnect with fresh thoughts and appreciate each other even more.
3. Extend your friendship for years to come
3.1 Learn to forgive. If you want your friendship to last, you need to find the strength to forgive and move forward. Holding a grudge, allowing bitterness and resentment to grow, will prevent you from moving forward. Recognize that no one is perfect, and if a friend sincerely asks for forgiveness and hasn't done anything terrible, forgive and move on.
If a friend has done something truly so unforgivable that you are no longer on a path together, it is better to move on your way than to try to save a friendship that is doomed. But this happens extremely rarely.
If you are angry with a friend, but don’t say why, you will never be able to forgive him without having a heart-to-heart talk.
3.2 Accept your friend for who he is. For a friendship to flourish, you should not try to change your friend or teach him to see the world through your eyes. If you are conservative and a friend is liberal, accept it instead of constantly arguing. Appreciate the fresh perspective a friend can bring to your worldview rather than wanting them to take on all your experiences.
The more you become friends, the less you idealize each other, and the more you perceive each other as you are. This is what true friendship is all about, namely caring for each other despite knowing that both are full of flaws.
3.3 Do even Furthermore what a friend asks for. Buddy will wait while you do homework. A great friend will help with the task all evening. Remember, if you are a good friend, people will want to be a good friend to you. Feel the moments when you have to go out of your way for a friend and know that this is what develops your friendship, and your friend will go out of his way for you in return.
If a friend really needs your help but keeps telling you not to worry, learn to read between the lines and sense when your friend really needs your support.
3.4 Stay connected no matter what happens. Over the years, people tend to grow apart from each other. Perhaps you and your friend will move in different directions, and see each other only in rare moments. Sometimes years can pass without much contact. If you never stop thinking about a friend, talk to him. Your friend will be glad to hear from you. You had reasons for friendship in the past, so you can find something that connects you to this day.
Don't let your location determine the strength of the connection between you. If a friendship is truly meaningful, it will develop, even if there is an ocean between you.
Make it a goal to have a monthly phone or Skype call, even if you're in completely different time zones. If communication with a friend becomes a habit, then the relationship will continue to flourish.
3.5 Let your friendship grow with you. If you want to be a good friend, you must understand that friendship will not be the same at school, university or in the adult world. Of course, when you were fourteen, you could spend all your time with your best friend, but over time you entered different universities, had serious relationship, and, naturally, they began to communicate less. But this does not mean that your friendship is not so strong. Life just evolves, and friendships change over time.
If your friend is married and has two children, or even just a serious relationship, unlike you, be respectful of the fact that, despite the fact that the friend really cares about you, he will not be able to be in touch 24 hours a day, as it was before.
Appreciate the changes in friendships over the years and learn to grow with your relationship.
Adviсe
Don't try to imitate your friend - opposites attract. In addition, it may irritate your friend and he will stop trusting you. Embrace your differences and be proud of them.
Tell your friend how much you appreciate your time with him and how great it is that he was there for you when you needed it most. This will improve his mood and confirm your friendship.
Honest communication is the basic foundation of friendship. If you can't communicate openly with each other, then your friendship is doomed.
You don't have to spend a lot of time and money to be a good friend. Most best gift- made with love by your own hands. A phone call can mean as much as a face-to-face meeting.
Enjoy each other's company. Friendship is not only about pouring out emotions and giving advice in matters of love. Have fun together and do spontaneous things every now and then. Be a positive force in your friend's life.
A friend who is only available at school or work is still your friend. Rejoice in even the specific friendship that comes from the place you share together.
If a friend makes a promise and doesn't keep it, don't do the same in return because that's how you create a trend.
Don't have excessive expectations or set unnecessary rules. Let your friendship develop and change naturally.
Tease your friend with something he is proud of. The better you know a friend, the easier it is to find something special for them and tease them to lighten the mood rather than upset them.
Be there for you in difficult times.
Warnings
No one likes to be insulted, so tease your friend carefully. If he asks you to stop, do so.
If a friend treats you badly and you treat him well, there is no point in remaining friends. Don't form close friendships with people who don't want to treat you well.
Don't expect instant or lifelong friendship. Understand that to become something special, friendship must develop gradually.
When spending time together, having lunch or just walking, turn off Cell phones. Having conversations constantly interrupted by phone calls can be very off-putting. Your friend may think that you don't value your time together.
Don't be honest with someone you can't trust, because one day they might use that information against you.
If a friend makes new friends, don't be jealous. Nobody likes jealous friends. Believe in your friendship.
Do not discuss topics that are unpleasant for your friend. No one wants to be in the company of a person with whom they are not comfortable. For example, if someone in a friend's family recently died, avoid talking about topics related to death. (Note: It is normal to ask how a friend is feeling about the death of a loved one. They may need help. There is no good in simply ignoring such an event in a friend's life).
You only have many friends in childhood and adolescence. The older a person gets, the fewer friends he has. There are many reasons for this, but the main thing is not to lose all your friends and learn to be a good and reliable friend yourself. How to do it? Follow the 10 rules given in this article and you will become the best friend in the world.
1. Be faithful. Friendship and betrayal are two incompatible concepts. Betraying friends is a low act that has no justification.
2. Take time. You are close people, at least occasionally share your leisure time. It doesn’t have to be often, but there should be a connection between you. Let it be in the form of going to football, getting together once a month, sharing a hobby or traveling.
3. Do not use friends for personal gain. You are not friends for the sake of PR, material gain or a new position. Friendship connects hearts. If you maintain a relationship with a person for selfish reasons, then you are worthless.
4. Remember birthdays. Congratulating a friend (friend) is a sacred thing. If your memory is leaky, set a reminder in your phone. This way you won’t miss an important event and will be able to congratulate your friend, even if you are on different continents.
5. Jealousy kills friendship. When your best friend gets married (or a friend gets married), you shouldn’t be jealous of his family or give him ultimatums or tease him. Don't force anyone to choose between you and your family. Try to become a friend to the whole family, including children. Then you will always be a welcome guest and a reliable friend.
6. Help under any circumstances. A faithful friend or girlfriend will not leave you in trouble, will lend a helping hand and will not look for excuses. He will simply come at any time of the day or night and help. At least a kind word.
7. Don't date your friend's ex/steal your friend's boyfriend. It is not right. This situation doesn't look good. It will be unpleasant for your boyfriend or girlfriend to see you together. This is not friendly.
8. Be honest. Friends are people who can tell the truth to your face and still maintain a great relationship. You can honestly express your opinion and not be a hypocrite.
9. Learn to keep secrets. Become the most reliable safe in the world. A friend can frankly say anything, hoping for understanding and support. Your task is to keep the secret, no matter how juicy it may be.
10. Respect your friend's personal space. He (she) may have things that he does not want to discuss. You don't need to be a sticky fish who wants to know everything. There are aspects of life that a friend has the right to keep secret.
Being a good friend is not an easy task. But everything will come back a hundredfold. True friends are valued and respected. You won't be alone. There will always be someone who will listen, support and understand.
How to become a friend who will be valued and respected? We offer a list of required qualities. Do you currently have them?
We all strive for quality and strong friendships. Research shows that if you have good friends throughout your life, you will live longer. And in order to have great friends, you have to become a great friend yourself.
How to become a friend who will be valued and respected?
● Be your authentic self. If you constantly try to not be yourself and wear a mask, people will never be attracted to you. Please note that we communicate most relaxed with those who do not pretend and feel comfortable in their own skin. So be yourself, even if you're not perfect.
● Be honest. Keep your promises and do what you say. Be reliable. Nobody wants to be friends with a person who lies. In addition, friends always voice the truth to each other, even when it is very difficult and painful.
● Be interested in your friend's life and be a good listener. Don't watch TV or go through your phone while your friend is sharing something with you. In most cases, people need not only good advice– they also need someone to listen to them when they share their feelings and emotions. Ask them what's going on in their lives and how they're feeling.
● Make time for your friend. is one of the greatest gifts life has to us. When we share our time with a friend, we give them that gift. Friendship cannot develop overnight. It takes time. A true friend will give you this time.
● Keep other people's secrets. Show yourself to be a trustworthy person who will carefully keep other people's secrets. Don't act like you're a giant gossip box. The ability to keep your mouth shut is one of the most best features a true friend.
● Motivate your friend. Everyone needs support. Find specific ways to motivate your friend. Show him that you think he's special and be willing to help when he's in or going through a difficult phase in his life.
● Be tolerant of your friend. Becoming a friend means being tolerant. Don't criticize or judge your friend if he makes a mistake or bad decision. Be with him through all his ups and downs and remember that you too can fail or make the wrong move and end up in his shoes.
● Be prepared to resolve your conflicts. At one time or another, conflicts, contradictions and disagreements will occur between you. Show your friend that you are ready to sort out the misunderstanding and get rid of negative feelings. Sometimes friendships are strengthened during difficult times.
● Show concern for your friend. When you see your friend in danger, don't be afraid to step in and protect him. Don’t let the situation take its course, convincing yourself that an adult will figure everything out on his own. Sometimes timely help can help save someone’s life.
Becoming a friend requires a lot of work and a willingness to take on a number of responsibilities. But it's worth it. Keep in mind that there are always people around you who are looking for such friends. So build long-term friendships and your life will become much better.
