The energy of anger, perhaps, the strongest of all the emotional energies available to man. That is why its active manifestation causes fear and is under an unspoken ban in our society. From an early age, we are instilled with the idea that it is unacceptable to express or even feel the slightest hint of anger. Moreover, we try in every possible way to avoid even using the word “anger” in relation to our feelings. We say: “I’m annoyed,” “I’m angry,” “I’m offended.” At the same time, hardly anyone will say: “I am angry.” Anger in the mass consciousness has turned into something forbidden, it is only allowed when it righteous. If I’m angry, it means I’ve lost control over myself and have poor self-control, this is precisely the idea that our society instills.
However, this is just the name of an emotion; anger in this sense is no different from our other emotions. But the attitude towards this name quite clearly shows the attitude towards anger in general.
In Eastern philosophy, anger is considered a manifestation of energy wind. And this makes sense, because a person gripped by anger can act as quickly, forcefully and recklessly as never before. Anger comes like a hurricane: a second ago it was not there, and now you are already captured by it. He always requires expression, doesn't matter, in a word or action.
Any anger, no matter what we call it and for what reason it arises, is always consequence our desires or . When we are afraid, aggression is a form protection, because the best defense is an attack. Much of the basis for chronic aggressive behavior in both men and women is an attempt to hide themselves and their boundless feelings from others. By constantly attacking others and giving them threatening signals, such people seem to create a safe space around themselves.
Another reason for anger is desires that we cannot satisfy immediately as soon as they arise. Whatever prevents us from achieving what we want, whatever reason comes between us and the object of desire, we will be angry at this reason. The impossibility of realizing a desire at a given moment in time gives rise to anger, as means to get what you want. Anger gives us the energy to try to get what we want. The more unfulfilled desires a person has, the easier and faster he becomes angry even at the slightest reason.
It is important to remember that this emotion accompanies either desire or fear; doesn't exist. Whether we like it or not, anger cannot exist independently - it always a consequence. Even if it seems to you that you are slightly irritated without any reason, simply because you are tired, believe me: the reason for your irritation lies in the fact that during the day one of your desires did not receive its fulfillment.
The prohibition on expressing anger leads to the fact that, being suppressed, it does not disappear, but, on the contrary, accumulates in our psyche and body. Just as in the case of , an excess of anger inside leads to the fact that the first reaction to any news or event will be anger, and after some time feelings more adequate to what happened come. Any dominant emotion will color everything in a person’s life. It will be the filter through which you perceive the surrounding reality. Accordingly, a frightened person will seek safety, and an aggressive person will fight with everyone: both people and circumstances. It is anger that will influence his behavior pattern, supporting stereotypes of thinking and perception that correspond to the idea of endless hostility, as if this person’s entire life was spent in a fighting ring.
Where does resentment come from?
Very often, the ban on direct expression of anger gives rise to situations where a person demonstrates his feelings indirectly, bypassing available internal ban in a roundabout way. Such a manifestation, for example, is resentment. She concentrates what a person cannot say when looking into the eyes of his offender. This is the way indirect delivery of anger when one person, through his entire behavior, shows another that the latter’s actions are unacceptable to him. When direct expression of anger does not produce results, or we cannot express anger directly, it transforms into resentment. For example, when our partner in business or in a relationship does not behave the way we would like, we cannot always tell him about it directly, often due to our own internal restrictions And . We avoid“unpleasant conversation”, fearing to experience psychological discomfort from this. At the same time, the anger that appears is transformed into resentment. Instead of straightaway When we say something directly to another person, we begin to use various manipulation techniques to get what we want. We begin to behave arrogantly/dismissively/coldly towards our partner and distance ourselves from him. Either we are trying to get the desired behavior through manipulation on feelings, pity or duty. As a result, we either achieve the desired behavior, or, over time, the offense goes away on its own.
We must admit that we very often harbor grievances from many years ago as if they were inflicted yesterday. What could have been resolved immediately by expressing anger at the moment it arose, we carry with us for years, filled with self-pity and suffering. It is unlikely that all this brings us happiness. Resentment is a senseless torment that exhausts the one who cherishes it.
Often resentment becomes pattern of behavior a person, and then his life and the life of his loved ones turns into complete torture. However, you can get rid of the habit of being offended by simply learning to express the anger energy that arises in an adequate way. Just by adhering to a simple rule - immediately say if something offends, worries or irritates you, you will stop accumulating resentment. You are a person, alive, with your own emotions, and not a machine for issuing the “correct” reactions. Therefore, there is no point in hiding manifestations of your anger; it is necessary to adequately express it. Until we recognize the fact that unexpressed anger destroys us, affecting our health and relationships with people, it will be very difficult for us to overcome the prohibition against expressing anger. Until we see how a mechanism works inside us that forces us to suppress our natural reactions and causes us to feel that if we have not coped with ourselves, we will not be able to change anything.
Expression of anger
We need to stop accumulating anger and resentment. To do this, you need to master a new skill. This skill consists of mastering the ability adequate expression of your emotions. The point of this skill is to start speak honestly out loud about your feelings without denying or fearing them. Our fear of showing our true experiences contributes to their suppression. We are embarrassed and afraid of misunderstanding from others. Therefore, by starting to honestly talk about how we feel in the moment, we work to overcome hiding habits from everyone, including yourself. By being sincere about our feelings, we gain freedom, which we didn’t know before, and we feel much better. The people around me feel it too. Sincerity disarms those with whom we communicate, and most often they have to answer us in kind. By opening up about our feelings, we break down barriers that we ourselves have erected and help others around us to do the same.
This practice helps you learn to express your emotions. directly and adequately. Sooner or later the moment will come when you will be able to express your complaints to anyone in a form that suits him. will not offend, but at the same time it will convey the essence of your dissatisfaction. This is the end of the work with the ban on expressing anger, since the ability to calmly and clearly formulate one’s claims is a sure sign that you control the situation, not the situation you. By expressing your anger as it arises, you gain a flexibility you never knew before.
Recognize your right to feel what you feel. After all, there is nothing wrong with telling the offender, especially if it is a loved one: “You know, your behavior towards me offends me, but I value our relationship and would like to resolve this situation in the most constructive way.” This will allow you to find a way out of any situation without accumulating resentment. By expressing your emotions from the moment they appear, you begin to manage any situation.
The adequacy of our reactions and actions to what is happening at the moment is a sign our awareness.
Self-development portal Human development potential
Anger ruins all relationships in your life, creates various misfortunes in your communication and interaction with those you love, respect, and care about. Anger brings more destruction than anything in this world. Anger is the most dangerous poison. How to clear your mind of anger?
Anger is the source of destructive rage, which leads to misfortunes and the most tragic consequences. Anger manifests itself in mistreatment of people, violence and even murder. If you want to succeed in relationships, then you must make an effort to remove the poisoned arrow of anger from your inner consciousness.
The best antidote to anger is to practice calmness.
Calmness is the ability to control your emotions every time you feel anger rising and growing somewhere in the depths of your consciousness.
There are many ways to use calmness, but the best place to start is by recognizing that anger is destructive by its very nature and that you must let go of it.
When the will and desire to overcome anger appears in your consciousness, then you can consider that half the work has already been done.
Three stages of calm practice:
* Awareness is the development of alertness towards angry thoughts.
* Conscious breathing - delaying the reaction to emerging anger, not allowing it to manifest itself in any actions.
* Exercise calm - changing your mood.
Awareness of Anger
In order to achieve awareness of anger, you can try the well-proven practice of lists -
First, make a list of everything that worries you. Many people get angry when something goes wrong and violates their plans or expectations. People often become irritable when they are not aware of their thirst or hunger.
* Then make a list of the people who make you angry most often. Add to this list everyone you don’t like, those acquaintances you consider inferior to you, and those people you hate.
* After this, write down what time of day and what days of the week you are more likely to get angry. Some people, for example, are very irritable in the morning or during the first few days of the week.
Think carefully about why certain people and events make you so angry. This very thinking reduces the possibility of anger.
Developing the ability to delay your response to emerging anger requires the use of mindful breathing. Breathe deeply, thinking about the reason for the anger growing in the depths of your consciousness. Wait a few seconds. Remember that at this time your back should be straight.
You will discover that your breath has truly magical powers.
When you develop this ability to delay the reaction to anger that arises, not allowing it to manifest itself in any actions, you will go through the second stage of dealing with anger. This result can only be achieved through continuous practice.
To achieve peace of mind, a change in your attitude is required.
What exactly needs to be done?
Here's what. Firstly, it is best to try not to encounter those people who irritate and bother you. Secondly, decide to stop interacting with them on a tit-for-tat basis. Thirdly, consciously first notice the positive sides in people and situations, and only then...
Anger is the most toxic emotion
Subjective experiences of anger
Anger is experienced by a person as a rather unpleasant feeling. In anger, a person feels that his blood is “boiling,” his face is burning, his muscles are tense. The mobilization of energy is so great that a person thinks that he will explode if he does not somehow give vent to his anger. Consciousness narrows. The person is absorbed in the object towards which the anger is directed, and does not see anything around. Perception is limited, the functioning of memory, imagination, and thinking is disorganized. In a situation of anger, a complex of emotions associated with it dominates: disgust (rejection of harmful objects) and contempt (the experience of victory over an opponent as the source of this emotion). Anger and sadness (an emotion that arises as a reaction to the failure of hopes, the inability to achieve a desired goal) are activated by similar shifts in neural activity, and the role of sadness is that it reduces the intensity of anger and the associated emotions of disgust and contempt. When a person is angry, anger suppresses fear. The feeling of physical strength and self-confidence (which is at a higher level than in any other emotionally negative situation) fills a person with courage and courage. High levels of muscle tension (strength), self-confidence and impulsiveness generate a readiness to attack or other forms of physical activity.
Functions of Anger
Anger is one of the basic, fundamental emotions. Anger has played a large role in the survival of humans as a species. It increases a person’s ability to self-defense and aggressive behavior, but as a person evolved, he was faced with a wide variety of obstacles that he had to overcome. However, as civilization developed, people began to experience less and less need for physical self-defense, and this function of anger was gradually reduced. A modern person should be able to use anger for his own good and the good of those close to him. He often has to defend himself psychologically, and moderate, regulated anger, mobilizing energy, can help him defend his rights. In this case, his indignation will benefit not only him, but also the violator of the law or rules established by society, endangering others. On the other hand, inadequate hostility brings suffering not only to the victim, but also to the aggressor. Therefore, this process must be regulated and hostility must not be allowed to cross the permitted boundaries, otherwise the person will be punished with feelings of shame and guilt. Moderate, controlled anger can be used to suppress fear. Possible positive consequences of anger: awareness of one's own mistakes, awareness of one's own strength, strengthening relationships with a former enemy. The latter has long been noted by psychotherapists, who advise people who are angry at each other to “keep the channels of communication open” (C.E. Izard). If a person freely expresses his anger, talks about the reasons that caused it, and allows the interlocutor to respond in kind, then he gains the opportunity to get to know his partner better and thereby strengthens his relationship with him. Communication between people is destroyed by verbal aggression if the person feeling angry strives to “win” his partner at any cost. Some scientists believe that personality develops precisely through conflicts and crises. A person rises to new levels of development, accepting the challenges that circumstances throw at him. Crises and their overcoming allow a person to understand himself more deeply. The experience and expression of anger (not to be confused with manifestations of aggression) can have positive consequences in cases where a person maintains sufficient control over himself. However, it must be remembered that any manifestation of anger is associated with some risk.
Reasons for anger
The feeling of physical and psychological lack of freedom, as a rule, causes the emotion of anger in a person. People often become angry at all sorts of rules and regulations, which make them feel constrained by conventions and unable to achieve the desired goal. Any obstacle to achieving a goal can cause anger. The source of anger can also be irritating stimulation: unexpected pain, bad odors, exposure to high temperatures, hunger, fatigue, a feeling of discomfort, etc. It happens that anger causes prolonged sadness. Feelings of disgust may be accompanied by anger. Anger is often accompanied by other feelings, the triad of hostility: anger, disgust, contempt. Anger can also interact with the emotions of guilt and fear (the more fear, the less anger, and vice versa). The source of anger can be the thought of a mistake, injustice, or undeserved insult. Anger, for example, is caused by insults. Moreover, what plays a role here is not so much the actions themselves, but their interpretation, which causes anger (in the one who interprets these actions). Some actions cause a person to feel angry towards himself, while others activate anger directed at those around him. Anger is contagious. Induced anger arises in the process of perceiving external manifestations of a partner’s anger. Thus, anger, like any other emotion, can be activated by actions, thoughts, and feelings (K.E. Izard).
Anger and aggression
Aggression refers to verbal and physical actions of an offensive or harmful nature. Whether anger will lead to aggressive actions or not depends on a number of individual characteristics of the individual and the situation in which he finds himself. Aggressive behavior is caused by a number of factors. The emotion of anger does not necessarily give rise to aggressive behavior. Most people, when experiencing anger, most often suppress or significantly weaken the tendency to act, both verbal and physical. Anger creates a readiness to act, but does not force action. However, frequent experiences of anger increase the likelihood of certain forms of aggressive behavior. The behavior of the aggressor is influenced by the very fact of the physical presence or absence of the victim. Hostility can be softened by those toward whom it is directed, either by expressions of threat or by expressions of submission. In some cases, people can prevent an attack from a potential aggressor by demonstrating fear and submission and avoiding threatening behavior. In other cases, on the contrary, the expression of a threat can prevent the further development of aggression. However, if the potential aggressor perceives himself as a winner, then the manifestation of anger on the part of the potential victim can provoke even greater aggression. Neither expressions of anger nor manifestations of aggression depend on age, which allows us to consider them as personality traits. The level of aggressiveness appears to be an innate characteristic of an individual and, as the individual matures, becomes a stable personality trait. Aggression is often associated with sexual potency. Many people view aggression as a sign of masculinity. However, this relationship is determined not only by biological, but also by cultural factors.
Anger experienced by patients and healthcare workers
Patients experience pain, discomfort, because of their ill health they feel restrictions in their professional and personal lives, and are often tormented by the thought: “Why do I need all this? It's not fair! They often believe that doctors do not want or, due to their low qualifications, do not know how to alleviate their situation, and direct their anger at them. The patient is convinced that he is obliged to be cured in this medical institution or referred to another. Here the source of anger is the belief that doctors can alleviate suffering, but for some reason they do not. If he had admitted that doctors are doing everything possible under these conditions and are currently unable to do more, then perhaps he would not feel angry. Patients have many reasons to feel anger, and it does not always arise from the behavior of the nurse, although it is very often directed at her. The nurse needs to understand this. On the one hand, she needs to monitor her behavior so as not to actualize anger in her patients, and on the other hand, if the patient is angry with her, then she should not succumb to feelings of guilt. The reason for the patient's anger is the situation in which he finds himself. It is important not to become infected by the patient’s anger, not to respond with anger to anger (“I try, I do everything I can, the salary is insignificant, and he is still dissatisfied!”), otherwise you can get into a vicious circle, from which it is very difficult to get out. Patient anger is common (in a statistical sense), no matter how well cared for. However, if attacks of uncontrollable anger become more frequent (and this is dangerous for his own health), then the nurse's regulated anger can reduce the level of anger he experiences (by activating feelings of fear). And the nurse has many reasons for anger. But she's a professional. And if the patient does not always know how to control her emotions, then she must be able to do something with them, while protecting her health. At the same time, the nurse can use anger for the benefit of the patient. For example, if he is feeling excessively sad or afraid, it can be helpful to make him angry to get him out of his depression. The nurse must develop self-protective abilities in order to control her anger, not become infected by the anger of others, and develop appropriate social skills for this.
Consequences of suppressing outward expressions of anger
A ban on manifestations (facial expressions, intonation, verbal aggression, etc.) of the emotion of anger can disrupt an individual’s adaptation and interfere with clarity of thinking. A person who constantly suppresses his anger and is unable to adequately express it is at risk for psychosomatic disorders (Holit, 1970). Unexpressed anger is considered by psychoanalysts as an etiological factor (although not the only one) of diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis, urticaria, psoriasis, stomach ulcers, migraines, Raynaud's disease and hypertension. How to control your anger Do not judge your anger. It activates impulses emanating from our being. In a state of anger, a wave of energy rushes in search of a way out. It can not only be contained (chronic containment is dangerous to health), but also transformed. It is important that a person manages his anger, rather than anger controlling a person. Technologies aimed at controlling one's emotions, in particular anger, are relevant. Expressing anger and related behavior can be constructive if a person gripped by anger wants to establish, restore or maintain positive relationships with others. He must show others how he perceives the situation and how it makes him feel. It is important to express your feelings sincerely and unambiguously. This form of behavior creates the possibility of open two-way communication in which there can be no “loser.” However, such communication is possible if the level of anger does not go off scale. It is useful to use rapid methods to reduce the level of tension caused by anger. So, if anger generates aggression, and sadness generates empathy, then by inducing in an angry person sympathy for the victim (stimulating his feelings of sadness) or fear (threatening him), we can thereby reduce the level of his situational aggressiveness. Anger involves preparing the body for physical action, which means you need to offer the body physical release. Physical activity in this case returns the body to a state of balance. You can also use meditative techniques aimed at relaxing the body. Rational nutrition, sleep, and body hygiene help reduce the intensity of the anger experienced. It is useful to make a list of people whose anger causes you induced anger and avoid contact with them. Reflections: “How would I feel if I were the victim of my aggression?” tame anger; thought: “If I were not overwhelmed by anger, how would I most rationally behave in this difficult situation for me? » models behavior for the future. Thinking through the questions: “Because of what desire of mine was blocked, did I begin to feel angry? What obstacles prevent me from satisfying this desire? “dissolves” anger. Everyone has their own techniques that are useful for them to tame their anger. You can ask how colleagues deal with their anger at work, how they protect themselves when in the presence of an angry person. The technique of self-observation, awareness of one’s anger (paying attention to how anger arises, develops, and ends), which stops the release of anger hormones into the body, is also useful.
Nadezhda TVOROGOVA, Doctor of Psychology, Professor of MMA named after. I.N. Sechenov.
Is it worth holding back your emotions?
Holding your emotions in can lead to serious health problems. Studies have shown that suppressing emotions leads to increased blood pressure, a depleted immune system and increased sensitivity to pain. Such people are in distress, often begin to abuse alcohol or drugs and regard others as their enemies, finding various reasons to justify themselves. Thus, the process of suppressing emotions leads to a change in the mental and physical state of a person. Therefore, experts on emotions recommend not to suppress emotions, say, anger or aggressiveness, but to learn to transform them in a positive direction, say, perseverance. In reality, a person experiences anger and/or negative emotions every day, but their positive transformation helps to realize these feelings in a socially acceptable context with the least energy costs for the person himself. In this case, the negative effect of suppression and repression of emotions will not be realized. Moreover, according to experts, the manifestation (realization) of negative emotions in a controlled manner is even necessary and brings physiological and psychological processes into balance.
Negative emotions are useful if you know how to show them while controlling the process
Uncontrolled anger can only cause harm to yourself and others, but the ability to vent negative emotions while controlling them helps to achieve greater success, according to researchers from Harvard. American scientists conducted a study in which they observed a group of 824 people over 44 years of age. Those who were used to experiencing in silence and not expressing their emotions were three times more likely to claim that they had already reached the ceiling of their careers. The head of the project, Professor George Valliant, argues that it is generally accepted that anger is a very dangerous emotion and, in order to cope with it, it is recommended to train “positive thinking”, which eradicates anger. Scientists have discovered that this approach is incorrect and, in the end, turns against the person himself. Negative emotions such as fear and anger are innate and have enormous significance, experts say. According to scientists, negative emotions are very important in order to survive. Professor Valliant, who is director of the Study of Adult Development, which published the research, points out that uncontrolled anger is destructive. We all experience anger, but people who know how to vent their rage while avoiding the severe consequences of unbridled outbursts have greater results in terms of emotional growth and mental health, says the professor.
Anger and aggression are harmful to a man's heart
Expressions of anger and hostility towards others are significantly associated with a high risk of coronary heart disease in healthy men and lead to poor cardiac outcomes.
Cardiologists at University College London (UK) found that feelings of anger and aggression increased the likelihood of coronary heart disease by 19 and 24% among healthy men and men with diagnosed heart problems, respectively. It has been noticed that negative emotions more often harm the functioning of the male heart, rather than the female one.
Doctors at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, who also took part in the study, believe that stressful daily life conditions have detrimental effects on men's heart health and have a significant impact on the development of chronic diseases in the future. According to them, psychological factors play a significant role in the progression of cardiac ischemia, leading to dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system and increasing inflammatory processes due to the activity of C-reactive protein, interleukin-6, cortisol and fibrinogen. Men should seriously take the data received into account and try to control their emotions, doctors convince.
Anger management. Revelation of an experienced aggressor
Denis Dubravin
School of Emotional Intelligence
Probably no other topic arouses as much interest and enthusiasm as the topic of anger management. “You need to see a psychologist” or “Go get treatment!” is a common prescription for a person who has problems with feelings of anger. For as long as I can remember, I have always experienced this feeling.
Breakdowns occurred regularly, my emotional nature did not find a place or constructive ways to express this energy. In this regard, I regularly got into various fights, in which I did not always emerge victorious. Then I started practicing martial arts, because I understood that without it, my outbursts of aggression would not have the desired result. After several years of training at the Tiger Dragon school, under the guidance of my teacher Alexander Sivak, I unexpectedly saw that my ardor began to fade away and awareness and the ability to control the course of thoughts and feelings appeared.
Next, it remained to formalize this development into knowledge and reinforce the effectiveness with practice. I won’t say that I completely got rid of this feeling, I think it’s impossible. However, during this time I acquired a number of useful beliefs and techniques that help me in a variety of life situations. Interesting? Then read on. I suggest moving in order, since the correct order is the key to success in curbing this feeling :)
If a person experiences anger, this indicates that he is not satisfying some important needs. Anger is a destructive feeling that gives a person a lot of energy. Negative energy literally begins to overflow, narrowing consciousness and adequate perception of reality, at the sight of an object of anger or mention of it.
At first, as a rule, but not always, there is a feeling of irritation, which turns into indignation, then into anger, and finally into rage. Anger mobilizes a person’s energy, instills in him a feeling of confidence and strength, and suppresses fear. Anger creates readiness for action. Perhaps in no other state does a person feel as strong and brave as in a state of anger. In anger, a person feels that his blood is “boiling,” his face is burning, his muscles are tense. The feeling of his own strength prompts him to rush forward and attack the offender. And the stronger his anger, the greater the need for physical action, the stronger and more energetic the person feels. Izord
Emotions are an evolutionarily earlier mechanism for regulating behavior than reason. Therefore, they choose simpler ways to solve life situations.
E.I. Golovakha, N.V. Panina
Anger is an emotion from the category of affects, which means that it can develop in a short time into a feeling of rage, which is inherently very destructive and difficult to control. Therefore, control over this feeling must be at the moment of its occurrence.
“If an emotion is resolved, it comes out into the wild.”N. Kozlov
If anger is not reacted externally, it does not disappear. Being “swallowed” it transforms into resentment, irritation, apathy, etc. Psychosomatic illnesses such as hypertension or diabetes mellitus, two of the most common illnesses associated with suppressed anger, may also occur.
What is the cause of anger?
1.The main reason for anger is the infliction of pain. This is a natural reaction of the body, which has been brought to automaticity by evolution.
2.Anger can be a consequence of other feelings. For example, after feelings of sadness, shame, fear. In this case, we can talk about a response to emotional pain.
3. Anger can arise from your thoughts. For example, your assessment of another person’s actions. This could be unfair treatment, deception, violation of agreements, or disrespect.
The issue of anger management is a matter of having the right beliefs and tools that help regulate this feeling.
For anger management to become the norm, you need to remember a few basic rules:
12 main rules for managing anger
1. Decide to take control of your anger. Only by taking responsibility can you begin to make changes in your life. Also indicate why you need to manage this feeling, what opportunities and positive moments will appear thanks to this in your life.
2. Sustainable self-esteem. Take attacks in your direction as useful information. Don't take everything to heart. Find a solid foundation for your self-esteem.
3. Sports activities. Sports and any physical activity serve as an excellent preventive measure against anger. Moreover, you will learn to tolerate pain and tension, and this will give you extra points in mastering this feeling.
4. Recognize the warning signs. Try to observe yourself when you are irritated: you may notice that your lips, jaw or fists are clenched, your shoulders are tense, your eyebrows are furrowed, etc. By learning to recognize the early warning signs of an impending “storm”, you will gain time and will have time to take some action.
5. Learning to think in new ways. Our feelings are a reflection of our thoughts. For example, if you are used to thinking in a conflict situation something like “That’s it, I can’t do it anymore! I just can't stand it! How long can this continue!?”, then your emotional sphere reacts to such thoughts with an explosion of negative energy.
6. Tolerance and acceptance. One of the most destructive beliefs in our lives (mostly unconscious) is that everything should be the way we want it immediately. Try to tell yourself more often that other people are not there to meet your expectations about them. And also that events can develop according to their own scenario, regardless of what you consider “right” and “wrong”.
7. Soften the blow. Say to yourself in difficult moments, for example, when someone criticizes you or your neighbor’s house is undergoing renovations: “This is getting on my nerves, but it’s not fatal.” You will feel your own strength and will accept unpleasant events more calmly.
8. Reduce demands on others. Don't demand perfection from people. Highlight the main thing that is a priority for you, your life and your happiness. Constant “catching fleas” poisons the life of both you and those around you. Instead, think about what is truly important to you.
9. Justification. “He’s doing this on purpose to get at me” - don’t attribute bad motives to people: they are either incorrect or one-sided. Even if a person really is planning something bad, then “he does it because he is unhappy, unloved and misunderstood” - as a rule, it turns out to be no less true than the previous assessment.
10. Anger management is largely the art of compassion. Switch mental places, look at the situation through his eyes. What do you see? Feel what he feels. How do you feel? Develop your ability to remember the good things about a person in a conflict situation. At least it will be objective. “But still, I feel good with him (with her) - what are the pies she bakes worth alone (the evening we spent yesterday, etc.)!
11. Humor. A good joke can quickly defuse a situation. Think about how you could joke in typical situations that warm you up, and practice using your homework. Coming up with jokes when you're annoyed is much more difficult.
12. The result will come gradually. Anger management skills should be distinguished from knowledge about anger management skills. Acquiring them takes time and practice. You may know how to ride a bike, but not know how to do it until you start trying, and most importantly, keep trying, despite the inevitable failures. Don't be too hard on yourself: none of us are perfect. There will definitely be breakdowns, but less and less often if you continue to educate yourself. Don't rush and don't beat yourself up for failures. Don't give up, and then everything will work out.
Many people have dramatically changed their lives by learning just three or four of the anger management techniques I described, including me. And so can you. Based on materials: Alexander Kuznetsov
In addition to the general principles that will help you master the feeling of anger, it is important to have working instructions at hand, which, when practiced (at least 5-10 times), can become your skill and save you from a large number of problems. So:
1. Admit to yourself that you are angry. Say out loud: “I am very angry/angry! Acknowledgment is necessary to ensure continued, intelligent management of your emotions.
2. Use the STOP technique. When you feel the level of anger increasing, mentally tell yourself “STOP. After that, wait 5-10 seconds. At the moment when your emotions are ready to explode and burst into a storm against the offender, you get precious time to make the right decision in the current situation.
3. Inhale deeply several times. This will help restore breathing and heart rhythm. It will also “ground” you and feel contact with your body again. “Blow off steam”, in simple terms.
4. Put yourself in the shoes of the offender. Let's consider this situation. Let's say you were rude on public transport. The first reaction is to be rude in response. However, try to put yourself in the shoes of your offender. Maybe he has problems in his family, at work, or he is lonely and deeply unhappy. And he is rude not for the sake of pleasure, but unconsciously, due to a defensive reaction to more prosperous people than himself. Understanding that someone experiences pain when they are angry helps to develop compassion for the face rather than reacting with anger. This way you can take control of your negative emotions.
5. Choose several possible reaction options. The pause gives you the opportunity to ask yourself the crucial question: What result do I want to get from this reaction?
6. Offer a solution. Focus on possible solutions to the problem and offer the person several options. Two or three options are better than one, as it gives your opponent a sense of freedom of choice. Use the magic word – “let’s...”. “Let’s try this...”
Remember that anger is a bad helper in solving problems. Therefore, the best thing is to remain calm and balanced. When nerves are at their worst, it is better to try to keep your mouth shut. (Harris)
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From an evolutionary perspective, all emotions matter. Fury is no exception. It mobilizes our resources to protect ourselves from enemies or other dangers. If it weren't for this emotion, our ancestor would have watched indifferently as the saber-toothed tiger devoured his leg. And this would hardly help the survival of the human race.
2. Helps you calm down
When we are angry, our body experiences stress (emotional and physical). When the body experiences stress, we become angry and want to cope with our negative state more strongly. Showing anger gives us release and allows us to lead.
If we continued to accumulate discontent within ourselves, we would quickly end up in a hospital bed.
3. Helps fight injustice
Anger is a standard reaction to injustice towards oneself or someone else. You probably felt it, seeing how someone offends the weak, or reading about the impunity of those in power. It is this feeling that makes us change the current order of things and make the world at least a little better.
4. Defends values and beliefs
Anger allows you to determine not only injustice, but also your own values and beliefs. When we see a situation or our behavior going against them, we get angry. This reaction shows what is really important to us and helps us stick to our chosen principles.
5. Allows you to control your own life
Anger helps us stand up for what is rightfully ours. We begin to get angry if someone encroaches on our well-being, and resist the invaders. Anger makes us feel not helpless, but in control of our lives.
People who are not afraid to experience and express anger are better able to realize their needs and control their destiny. But, of course, we are only talking about cases of aggression or threat towards them. If anger becomes the leading emotion, this is already a dangerous signal.
6. Helps you move towards your goal
We get angry when we don't get what we really want. Anger shows what goals and objectives are important to us. It also gives energy to overcome obstacles and achieve what you want.
7. Creates a positive outlook on things
Paradoxically, in a sense, anger is associated with optimism. When we are quietly sad or indulge in self-criticism, we focus on failure and our inability to change anything.
When we get angry, we push away from the fact that what we have planned is real and achievable.
As a result, we look for and find opportunities to correct the situation.
8. Improves work efficiency
Sometimes a moderate expression of anger is appropriate in the work process. This way you make it clear to partners and colleagues that certain problems are more important or require a quick solution.
Of course, no one likes employees and bosses who lose their temper over minor issues. But if the project stalls for a long time, and you continue to maintain blissful calm, then it’s as if you are telling others: “Everything is fine, no big deal.” No, it's not okay. And we need to show this to others in order for the matter to move forward.
9. Helps during negotiations
An aggressive stance can be beneficial in negotiations. It allows you to “push” the other side. Of course, such tactics are not always appropriate. If you are confident that your opponent is very interested, firmness and anger will help you negotiate more favorable terms for you.
10. Improves psychological well-being
Anger can be a defensive reaction that masks other emotions, such as fear. This usually refers to outbursts of uncontrollable rage. Therefore, we need to fight not with them, but with their cause. The rage itself should be perceived as a signal to search for deeper problems.
In other cases, anger, on the contrary, is suppressed. For example, when it seems unacceptable to a person to be angry with or loved ones.
Instead of directing anger at its source, he spends a lot of energy on taming emotions, or even completely redirects aggression towards himself.
Of course, taking out aggression on loved ones is not always right. But nothing prevents you from screaming alone, hitting a punching bag, or getting rid of your rage in some other peaceful way.
When anger is not controlled, it destroys everything around. When it is used wisely, it begins to be useful. Accept your anger and learn to manage it, then you will know what great power it can give you.
Human anger is a negative emotional outburst that is a harbinger of aggression. It can literally burst a person from the inside. Strong anger is often characterized by negative emotions with a flow of destructive energy, marked by a shutdown of the ability to analyze actions. The sudden manifestation of such behavior in an individual causes bewilderment among the people around him, as well as anxiety in the person himself.
Anger is an emotion, often of an aggressive nature, directed towards something or someone with the goal of destruction, suppression, subjugation (usually inanimate objects). Often the reaction of this negative emotion is short-lived. During an emotional outburst, a person’s facial muscles tense; the body becomes like a stretched string; teeth and fists are clenched, the face begins to burn; there is a feeling as if something is “boiling” inside, while there is no control over the mind.
Reasons for anger
Anger is a basic human emotion that was originally necessary for the individual to survive. However, due to the development of society, the need to express one’s negative emotions has gradually decreased, and humanity has not been able to completely get rid of anger. Unfortunately, in the modern world, people still continue to create artificial troubles for themselves, which encourage them to express this kind of discontent.
The cause of strong anger is often anxiety, which accumulates due to various circumstances. Even an elementary trifle can often lead to this negative emotion, or, which can also be the cause of this emotion.
Anger is a state of both physiological and psychological. In principle, its manifestation is attributed to the normal reaction of the individual’s psyche to an external stimulus. It is accompanied by increased heart rate, pallor or redness of the skin due to the body producing a huge amount of energy that needs to be put somewhere.
There are no people who never experience negative emotions and are always in a balanced state. Anything can throw you off balance: traffic jams, an unfair boss, children's pranks, bad weather, etc.
Anger management
A negative emotion arises when a situation develops in such a way that something does not suit a person and there is a feeling that it can be dealt with.
Anger grows up to a certain point, after which there is either a decline until it calms down, or a sharp jump upward, manifested in the form of attacks of rage. There is such a stable expression - “choked with anger.” This condition is characterized by compression of the nerves and shortness of breath. Negative emotional outbursts during this state are always marked by a desire for physical activity: to destroy, fight, run, jump, clench your hands into fists, break. At a moment of strong anger, a bursting wave of indignation in a person, caused by an emotional outburst of dissatisfaction, rises from the pelvis upward, reaching the chest. This condition will be characterized by a hoarse, choked voice, a feeling of constriction in the chest, and coughing.
People treat the occurrence of instant anger, which is beyond a person’s control, naturally and not reprehensibly, but actions that are committed under the influence of this emotion are already condemned.
Managing anger in moments of aggression can be almost impossible, since a person, being in a state, often does not understand what he is doing. At this time, it will be better if there is no one near such an individual, since a person in aggression with a clouded mind is dangerous and can harm and even cripple the people around him.
Anger and aggression often do not last long and are short-lived. An individual in such a state quickly “boils” and also quickly “fades away.”
It is believed that if the emotion of anger is caused by a sense of justice at the time of a criminal act, then this is commendable. In other cases, negative emotion is condemned and people are advised to be more restrained and be patient.
There are interesting facts about this emotion. Male anger is perceived as a manifestation of strength, while female similar behavior is viewed as irrationality and weakness.
Anger and rage are among the most dangerous emotional outbursts. When a person experiences these emotions, he often deliberately causes harm to other people, often losing control over himself, so skillfully managing anger and rage should be the primary task of individuals when negative emotions arise.
Adult personalities are often characterized by how they are able to cope with their resentment and are given the following definitions: hot, restrained, explosive, cold-blooded, hot-tempered.
Manifestations of anger are marked by specific facial expressions:
- bare teeth, open mouth in height when inhaling;
- knitted, lowered eyebrows;
- widened eyes and focused attention on the object of aggression;
- horizontal folds on the bridge of the nose;
- expansion of the wings of the nose.
How to deal with anger
To learn how to cope with anger, you need to understand the cause of its occurrence and master effective techniques to relieve aggressive behavior.
Anger is not the best human emotion, which always has a harbinger. There are several ways you can protect yourself from sudden outbursts of emotional outbursts so as not to harm others. A person must learn to listen to himself and feel those moments when it is necessary to avoid sudden outbursts of negative emotion. This could be poor health, depressed mood, irritability. For example, an individual, talking to a person, feels how everything begins to boil inside him. This means the approach of anger, namely a violation of psychological balance, so you immediately need to assess the true cause of this emotion. Next, for maximum calm, you need to close your eyes for a while, trying to abstract yourself from the outside world and begin to control your breathing, taking a deep and then a slow breath.
How to deal with anger? There is an opinion that it is harmful for a person to restrain negative emotions and it is better to get rid of them. In fact, this is not so. Scientists have proven the following fact: the disruption of negative emotions in the immediate environment is akin to a drug and it gives great pleasure to the aggressor. Frequent breakdowns of an individual in close circles make him want to do this with a certain frequency. Over time, the individual himself is no longer able to notice that he unconsciously creates situations in which he becomes angry. Noticing this feature, ordinary people begin to avoid the scandalous person, and he, in turn, finds the same unbalanced people who adore such outbursts.
So how do you control your anger? When negative emotions approach, you can go to the mirror and see which muscles are tense. In a state of calm, you need to learn how to control your facial muscles: tense and relax them. When another outbreak of negative emotion occurs, you should relax your facial muscles.
How to get rid of anger? It is recommended to eliminate attacks of anger by switching attention to something pleasant or distracting. It is necessary to mentally transport yourself to those places where you can replenish positive energy, and immediately transfer unpleasant conversations to neutral topics.
If an individual follows his emotions and does not fight emotional outbursts, then in the future there is a risk of developing acute diseases of the cardiovascular system. This is worth thinking about, since scientists have discovered a direct connection between the occurrence of stroke and myocardial infarction after suffering an emotional outburst within 48 hours in people with acute coronary occlusion (blockage of the heart arteries).
The reason lies in the fact that periodically the arteries are subject to attacks by stress hormones and experience pathological changes that lead to serious diseases. To avoid possible irreversible consequences, experts recommend carefully monitoring your nervous system and, if necessary, seeking urgent help from a doctor. 
