Question for a psychologist:
Hello! I have been dating a guy for 3 months and started constantly getting sick with various diseases. Diseases one after another. Although other external factors are ideal. I don’t even physically strain like I used to. When communicating with him there is weakness. This has never happened to me. He loves me very much, he tries for me. I don't want to waste people like that. Although deep down I think that I can find something better, but I don’t know if they will love me like that. But sometimes he specifically tries to take me out and see/hear me cry. Maybe he wants to make me feel even stronger for him. Sometimes I think his feelings are a good game. But why does he need it then? In general, I don’t understand what to do. Once I tried to break up, but it was very painful, I couldn’t stand it and came back. Once his friend wrote him a message when we were talking, I asked to see it. He refused and was indignant that I supposedly did not trust him. Although I did not give such signs, his hidden behavior gives rise to mistrust in me. He still showed little, but I already saw very nice communication between them. I cried and left, he stopped me, although he didn’t try to prove it. Then we talked to her, she said that they are really just friends and they just have such communication. I asked him for forgiveness and we made peace. But I worked myself up and the thoughts that this girl of easy virtue, who doesn’t mind that he has a girlfriend, remained. Although he doesn’t look like a walking man, he seems serious, but still almost all men walk. And I can’t come to terms with betrayal. There was no physical intimacy, because it seems to me that if there is such intimacy, there will be even more connection between us, affection, and this will make it even worse to separate, if necessary. He gives gifts, tries, takes care, generally tries in every possible way so that I am confident in his love. But he is also drawn to negative emotions. I don’t like to swear, especially just like that. I would like to rejoice with him, especially since we are not married to share something and constantly quarrel. But he loves to swear and provokes scandal in every possible way. I'm very tired of this. And I don’t like to take the role of a victim, I don’t need it at all, it just happens that way and I want to figure it out! Is it possible to somehow correct it or should we just accept it as such? But I don’t want to be constantly nervous and sick. Or should we still break up? Thanks in advance!
Psychologist Irina Nikolaevna Panina answers the question.
Hello Maria!
Thank you for your frankness and the fortitude it took to present your issue impartially.
I see in your letter a certain split between your feelings, what you feel in this relationship, namely: you are sick, you are forced to abuse, you suspect him of infidelity, you do not like to accept the role of the victim (you wrote about this), but they force it on you. You wanted to rejoice, but you are forced to swear.
You cry, no explanation is given to you. Moreover, the person loves it when you cry (according to you).
You are drawn to positive emotions, he is drawn to negative ones.
You already tried to break up, but the pain stopped you.
And now, apparently, you have a choice between two evils: less pain and more pain.
Deep down, you are sure that you can find something better, but you doubt the power of the love of your future chosen one.
Questions for you to think about
1. Are you sure that gifts and “care”, as well as bringing you to tears and hysterics, as well as illness, is love on his part? I see it more as manipulation in order to tie you emotionally.
Emotions “rule,” as young people say. And you can bind to yourself with ANY emotions, even negative ones.
2. How painful is it to be left alone for a while? Is this more painful than being with this man?
Your question sounds like "is it possible to change it or accept it as it is."
The answer to this question is clear. You can only change other people within limited limits. And only if they themselves are ready for it. It looks like this man just wants to change you. Do you enjoy this process?
Accepting it as it is is a good method if you are willing to tolerate all of the above. And change to suit this man, become what he wants.
Love swearing and scandals. “Feed” him emotionally with your pain.
By the way, you keep the motive of breaking up with your man in the “background”. You write:
There was no physical intimacy, because it seems to me that if there is such intimacy, there will be even more connection between us, affection, and this will make it even worse to separate, if necessary.
Why would you deny him intimacy and keep the option of breaking up if you intend to be together and change him. Well, or accept it as it is?
You write that you cannot come to terms with betrayal, and then write that you do not believe in his honesty. He has a nice correspondence with your friend.
How are you feeling now? How do you deal with the unknown? Is it easy? How long can you stand this?
You write that all men are walking. Based on my life experience, I will say that everyone goes for walks, but not from everyone. When a man finds HIS woman, he becomes uninterested in going out. This is for information purposes only.
Think about the purpose for which he gives you gifts and why exactly do you feel sorry for “throwing away such people”? Which ones exactly? Generous? And why do you talk about it in the plural? Are there many such people? Why didn’t you write, “It’s a pity to lose (throw away) a man like him?” Rating 4.63 (4 Votes)
When a relationship goes into hibernation and two people are tired of each other and of love, something needs to be done urgently!
The husband comes home from work, the wife, for the sake of decency, asks how he is doing there, and without even listening to the listless stories, the husband thinks about what to cook for lunch tomorrow. In response to a suspicious call at one in the morning, she calmly continues to sleep and does not even remember past scenes of jealousy when he simply went into another room to talk on the phone. She radically changed her hair color and haircut, and he didn’t even notice. Here, of course, you can start making excuses, fatigue at work or something else, but it is better to change your behavior and free your relationship from hibernation.
What can you do? Change your tactics, your algorithm of actions - at least for one day, do something that you usually never do. Lie in bed together until lunchtime.
You shouldn’t break up, relax separately from each other, go alone to friendly meetings or to visit, this is not an option. After all, where there is a slight chill, a severe winter can arise, and nothing can be done.
Find common interests, try to communicate more often, and be sincerely interested in your spouse’s hobbies.
Have sex, even better in some unusual place - an excellent stress reliever. You can change the interior of your apartment, go to the movies. You can plan some kind of trip, at least to nature, to barbecue.
Make a scandal and be offended by the midnight call, ask how he is doing at work and how many young employees they have there. Arrange a day of rest and spend it together traveling to a museum, cinema, cafe or even a zoo. Take a camera with you and immortalize the minutes of your vacation, and then look through all the photos together and discuss your day.
You can go ice skating - a very fun activity. And you shouldn’t make excuses that you don’t have time or you don’t have enough money, just go buy tickets and confront your loved one with a fait accompli.
Or you can just buy a bottle of wine and sit together in the evening and remember how you met, your first date and your first kiss.
The main thing is to start taking action and remove all the “no”, fatigue and laziness.
The girl is tired of her relationship with you. What to do?
We all have experienced difficulties in our personal lives at one time or another. Sometimes we ourselves don’t know why this happens. And it seems that the best way to deal with a problem is to discuss it. But what to do if your loved one doesn’t want to decide anything, if your girlfriend is tired of the relationship and avoids communication under any pretext? And this is a new problem.
One day, a friend of mine faced a similar situation and turned to me for advice. I get tired of people very quickly, I’m surprised how I still have friends left. Therefore, I understand the girl perfectly and can give practical advice. Together we discussed the situation and even developed a strategy. I'm the think tank and he's the doer (I hope she never finds out about that). They came up with several rules that were followed and broken with varying degrees of success, but they helped my friend improve his relationship. Of course, they do not guarantee a complete resolution of all problems, but they can help cope with the key one - reluctance to communicate. I will share these rules with you.
What does it mean? This means that you should not write, call, or look for meetings. Set a limit for yourself that will not irritate your other half, for example, once a day to choose from - a call or a short correspondence.
If you choose a call: keep it short and to the point. Don't force words out of a person, it's so annoying. The person is tired of you, and you should not make the situation worse. Speak no more than 7-10 minutes. One important point: try to end the conversation first.
You choose correspondence - great. The main rule: do not drag out the conversation, even if it seems to you that everything is fine. No, there's no need to rush. When corresponding, look at the frequency of messages and the presence of emoticons. If he answers quickly and with smiles, you can chat longer, 30-60 minutes. If the pauses are prolonged and there is a period at the end of the sentence or there are no punctuation marks at all, then you should wrap up quickly, after 3-5 such a message. For example, say that you need to go/they are waiting for you/you are busy.
2. Don’t ask routine questions: “How are you? What are you doing?".
Come up with something new. Any question can be asked in at least three ways. Better ask: “What news? Are you very busy? This will reduce the degree of tension, because monotony is tiring, and here there is something unusual, new.
If you hear one or two words to all questions, it means that the interlocutor is uncomfortable speaking, or simply does not want to. Don't ask why, just say goodbye and promise to call back later. But! Don't call back. Give the person a break from everyone.
4. If a girl says she's not in the mood, don't try to cheer her up.
Think for yourself, what would you like more when you don’t want anything: noisy and funny stories or for no one to touch you? I think you'll choose the second one. So provide the opportunity to sit in silence and comfort, do not touch the person. Don't ask why, who spoiled it, or similar nonsense. If she wants, she will tell you and ask for advice.
5. Don’t reproach your girlfriend if she makes contact on her own
When the girl herself begins to make contact with you, be tactful: you should not reproach her for not talking to you and generally being “dynamic” for you.
Guilt is not the best companion for relationships. You shouldn’t immediately plan noisy parties, visits to friends, or anything like that. Give her time to come to her senses. Be alone. If a girl starts writing or calling, this does not mean that all troubles are over, it means that she needs you. You, not friends and guests. At this stage, I would not recommend neglecting the above rules.
6. Last thing! Take a closer look at each other's mood.
Almost all conflicts stem from people not paying attention to details. Be careful. And take a break from each other, and maybe together from everyone.
Once you can talk unhindered, chat carefree with each other, others will decide on their own. After all, the most important thing in a strong and long-term relationship is trust and the desire to share both joy and troubles.
I hope these simple rules will help you overcome the crisis in your relationship. Appreciate, love and respect each other, and you will be happy!
Thematic discussions on the forum:
As a psychologist, I would add one more thing. dear guys. If a girl is tired, then she is tired of something. be a little more careful. Don't forget that there are also flowers) Invite your other half to a picnic. Spend time together doing something you love! It can be anything, but preferably what she likes) She’s tired)))))
I don’t understand what it means that a girl is tired of a guy? She either loves him or doesn't love him. If he loves you, he wants to be close to you. And if this is a worthwhile relationship, and it leads to marriage, how will she get tired of him? Maybe it’s just not worth holding on to such a girl and moving on, rather than wasting time in finding out and adjusting to her.
Tired is a loose concept, of course, everyone has such a condition, and if it’s just her momentary weakness, or depression, then there’s nothing wrong with it, you just need to be a little more careful. If your girlfriend wants to be alone, you don’t need to disturb her, and impose on her, but also don’t pretend that you don’t care, it might end badly, let her know that you need her, but don’t intrude and leave her alone, I assure you everything will work out in a couple of hours))
I can say for sure that when people live with each other, and not just meet, they definitely, to one degree or another, get tired of each other. To prevent this from happening, you just need to give each other rest. As an option, go on vacation to different places once a week, each with your own friends.
A person is an individual personality. And there are no rules that would suit everyone. So trust your heart and sober head.
Rave. You can get tired just because someone didn’t ask enough questions, called, etc. And because she herself put all her strength into this relationship. In such a situation, all advice is the opposite.
Your constant thought should be that you deserve better than a secret relationship with a man who is deceiving his wife and society. The more convinced you are of this, the easier it will be for you to end the relationship. Make a list of what you deserve as a woman in a relationship with a man and convince yourself of it. You will notice how your attitude towards what is happening begins to change.
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What if a girl is tired of a relationship?
Hello, This is Lesha Doc and in this article I will answer the question of a guy who found himself in a difficult situation
And the subject of his letter sounds like this: “If a girl is tired of relationships”
By the way, if you want to improve your masculine qualities and find yourself a feminine girl for relationships (this is not a pickup), then click the link below:
If you want me (Lesha Doc) I sorted out exactly your situation with the girl on this or another topic, then write to me. I answer all questions absolutely free, all your letters are strictly confidential. I post letters on my website only with your consent. Click the link below:
And here is his letter that he sent to me:
Hello, Alexey! Glad I found your site.
I didn’t think I’d ever write something like this, but bad things happen and I need advice and support.
I'm 29, she's 23. Lived together for 1.5 years, it didn’t come to the wedding. There were quarrels and reconciliation, I always tried to cut off grievances in the bud so that they wouldn’t accumulate.
The other day there was a quarrel, I’m leaving you screaming, on the grounds that she’s fed up with everything (domestic violence). And she’s right, I threw myself into work completely, because... we moved to a new apartment, where there were only walls, there wasn’t even a table to eat. In general, I extinguished this conflict with the promise to “fix everything” and a bouquet of flowers.
Exactly 3 days passed, at the time when I was at work, she packed her things and left me. Her friends helped her rent an apartment and borrowed money (she doesn’t work anywhere, she was completely supported by me). An important fact is that she has no one.
Out of emotion, I started calling, writing, asking to come back - in response I received the phrase “Let's try to live separately for a week. I have to find out how I feel about you." I'll be honest, I feel bad like never before. The first night I hardly slept, and in the morning I woke up with bile in my mouth. In general, everything sucks.
So far, I have only tried to ignore (do not write, do not call, do not look for meetings). The New Year is ahead, I’m in shock, there were joint plans... The problem of the breakup is aggravated by the fact that that I'm a binge alcoholic, but has been in remission for 2.5 years. If I snap, it will be complete armageddon. Going to work is not an option, because... I was so tired this year, I was waiting for the holidays to rest.
I'll try to write what I missed. I'm jealous I didn't agree with it working until late (it’s hard to find another job). I said, if you need money, I’ll give it to you, better go get an education, I’ll give you the same money. She wanted drive, emotions, but I didn’t give them.
I am a loner on my own, she didn’t like it either, every weekend I suggested going somewhere (cinema, theater, skating rink) - I was refused. I asked what you needed then, I offer entertainment, why do you refuse. In response - I need company, she was bored with me.
I began to correct the situation, she went to makeup courses, etc. Invited friends for dinner, etc. As a result, one hell of a quarrel, after which I was able to hold her, but everything turned out differently, she I already made a decision then and was just waiting for time to quietly leave... What to do if a girl is tired of the relationship?
So, let's understand this situation:
What can you say about the girl?
Young girl hasn't had enough time yet, wants some fun, wants to work, wants a fun and interesting life.
What does she get from this relationship with the guy?
A gray apartment without furniture, in which there is absolutely nothing to do, you can’t go for a walk, because the guy will be jealous of her, you can’t work, because the guy doesn’t like it, at the same time the boy is not at home every day, and he comes in the evening. And when he comes and there’s nothing to talk to him about, and it’s not interesting.
So what is left in the bottom line?
The apartment is like a prison, the jealous guy is a drunk, which does not allow development. When the girl weighed all the pros and cons, she began to understand perfectly well that she did not need such a relationship with a guy for nothing, since it was doomed to failure and nothing good would come of it in the future.
As a result, she quietly packed her things and ran away from this prison.
The guy started dating a girl and over time completely fell in love with her, did not give her emotions, fed her breakfast, that everything would get better soon, etc. But at the same time he did not develop the relationship further.
What does it mean to develop relationships?
This is to invite the girl to marry him, help her find a job (if she doesn’t want to sit at home), create comfort in the apartment so that the girl would enjoy being there, find new mutual friends and eventually start a family with children.
Naturally, the guy didn’t do any of this and stupidly continued to suffer from nonsense and do only my work and spent 90% of my free time at home.
All this led to this disastrous result. More likely, the girl won't come back, since she lives well even in freedom, and the disadvantages of this guy significantly outweigh the advantages.
And I want to advise the guy work out your mistakes and in the future, no longer make these mistakes with a new girl who wants to live with him and build a relationship.
If you start drinking, then the situation will worsen even more and the girl will understand that she did everything right.
This article is just a small part of what is on my site, there is a lot of useful and practical information on this and other topics that interest you. You can immediately successfully use this information in practice with girls, without wasting your time.
Now I have 2 websites: lesha-dok.ru and 4mentv.ru. At the same time, every week I I add new useful articles to these sites, therefore, in order not to miss them, add these sites to your favorites and visit them periodically. Now there are about 450 articles and 70 videos on 2 sites on topics that are interesting to you. (links below)
Articles by Lesha Dok (on the website lesha-dok.ru)
Plus I also have a 3rd site, but for girls (lesha-dar.ru).
This site will be useful to you because you will find out the real experiences of girls, by their questions to me, you will find out what they really think about guys, what their psychology is.
It contains about 50 videos and 200 articles on various topics that will be useful for you to develop your horizons about girls.
What guys say about the articles:
“Thank you so much, Lesha. The tips from your articles are useful, they change your own psychology and attitude towards the world and towards girls. Now everything in my life has changed dramatically. Thank you!”
“Alexey, thank you so much for what you do. You help people find each other, while breaking all the stereotypes of how guys behave with girls. After your advice, it becomes easier to communicate with girls and live in general. It turns out that everything is simple!)”
Tired of relationships, will he come to his senses?
Let him go, even if he comes back, don't get together with him
In general, it looks more like he stopped loving you, he’s just not decisive and is afraid of offending you
And he thinks that now everything will resolve on its own
Author, what if he returns in about twenty years, having two divorces and four children in the past, will you sit at the front door all this time and obediently wait like Solveig? No, it’s a noble cause, of course, but kind of stupid, don’t you think?
Lots of slang. Why are you an empty talker?
***** that he loves, if everything was fine with you and you didn’t bother him, then the love has passed and he’s afraid to admit it, and he makes these scenes and snot so as not to seem like a creature who abandons
I'll go eat a pie with cabbage
My husband polished off the pies. Then I’ll load up on cheese and bread and butter.
He's not one of those who is afraid to say anything.
Now I need to poop
Of course there are also on the very near horizon. He doesn’t speak categorically because he prefers to leave moves in case something doesn’t work out. And all the stories about no one are complete nonsense
Well, if he doesn’t find a new companion soon, then maybe he’ll return. You have to let it go.
Well, what’s unclear. He just didn't want to offend you. I wanted to part ways on good terms. But he's not going to be with you. Even if he comes back, it will only be to tr. t. And so. Forget my advice. Otherwise you’ll start starting topics later. He comes and goes, we’ve been together for 6 years and there’s no talk about marriage.
If I were you, I would forget it like a bad dream. if he left, it means you don’t suit him. look for a new man, and forget this one.
When you leave, go away. Just tell him that without any leading questions. And he will leave. No problem, cry a little and he’ll let you go.
Two months ago, my ex (now) boyfriend abandoned our relationship. We were together for almost two years, caring, attentive, without any problems in general. But the conclusion was definitely correct: the more decent a guy is, the more difficult it is, unfortunately, for him to find parting words. She brought me into dialogue herself, I had to drag her with pincers. Tired, cold, nothing will work out, etc. Shock, pain, I cried for a month, now it’s easier, but still the emptiness and bitterness still don’t leave. He concluded that we would remain friends, but this was only out of politeness. We see each other periodically, since we live and work nearby, but our “friendship” does not go beyond a greeting nod. That’s how they are, decent, well-mannered, painfully dear and at the same time alien and cold. Don’t make contact, unfortunately you can’t do anything better.
He will return when his relationship with another girl fails again. It was the same the first time. You will forgive him until retirement, and he will continue to rush about. Give him children and then it will be much more offensive and worse to be left alone
He will come back, then leave again. And so on in a circle.
From hopeless lies and humiliation,
Calculations, endless tricks,
From which I suffered so much.
I'm so tired that I can't see
And if it were not for the desire of the heart,
I would stay to live on the shore,
Waters contemplating the eternal flow.
From their whims, stupidities, troubles,
All exhausted, I drag myself along for luck,
Along the ruts of countless roads,
I laugh at myself, and more often I cry.
And if not for this, my God!
I would be grateful to you for everything.
How the Prodigal Son would return home
In Your sanctuary I rested
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The girl is tired of dating you
What to do if a girl is tired of the relationship and avoids conversation and contact. Practical advice on how to get your relationship back.
If a girl is tired of relationships
She already made a decision then and was just waiting for time to quietly leave... What to do if a girl is tired of the relationship?
Tired of relationships, will he come to his senses?
Tired of relationships, will he come to his senses? He will come back, then leave again. And so on in a circle. Let him go, even if he comes back, don’t get together with him. In general, it’s more like he stopped loving you,
How to overcome fatigue in a relationship?
“Sometimes I feel wildly tired from my relationship with my husband. We've only been together for 4 years, but everything is already disgusting! We began to quarrel often, but even quarrels do not help throw out the accumulated negativity. Devastation just sets in. At the same time, I love my husband very much, and he loves me too. Some kind of vicious circle. Julia"
Many couples face this problem. After several years of marriage it seems that the relationship has already outlived its usefulness. There is no movement forward, everything has turned into a routine.
Why is this happening? And how to overcome fatigue in a relationship? Today, the women's website sympaty.net is dealing with this problem.
Fatigue in relationships: 6 signs
If you put a plus sign next to these signs, it means that fatigue in the relationship has really accumulated. And something needs to be done about this if you want to save the family. What are these signs?
- Relationships are not emotionally fulfilling. You can easily predict what you will do today, tomorrow, for the week and month ahead. Relationships seem dull and completely devoid of joyful emotions.
- You feel like you made a mistake in choosing a partner. Over the years of living together, your rose-colored glasses broke and you suddenly saw the light: he is not a match for you.
- You've outgrown this relationship. And worse, you have outgrown your partner. You are smarter, more successful, younger and more interesting than him. For you, it’s like a suitcase without a handle; you don’t want to drag it, but it’s a shame to throw it away.
- You wasted the best years next to him. We were waiting for something big and bright, but it never happened. You have been cruelly deceived in your expectations, and precious time has been lost.
- Constant quarrels and multi-day grievances with a game of “silence”. Even if there was a painful heart-to-heart conversation on Friday, on Monday everything repeats again.
- No strength or desire to fight for relationships. Rivalry and pulling of the blanket begins. No one wants to apologize first, no one wants to give in.
Did you see any familiar items on this list? You're probably sitting there feeling sorry for yourself right now. But in vain! It’s too early to give up on a relationship, especially if most of your life together has been joyful and cloudless.
Family life and relationships are hard everyday work. And we all get tired of any work sooner or later.
The main tool you need to fix your relationship is the desire to maintain love and faith in your strength! Even if your partner turned out to be weaker and gave up, you should not give up!
What is the essence of relationship fatigue?
In one of our articles (Why women fall in love), we already wrote about the “chemistry” of love. It is in our nature gradually lose the feeling of love euphoria.
But relationship fatigue is not a biochemical process in our body. This gradual revaluation of values.
Let's say that first our partner offended us. Or something unpleasantly surprised you. Or he didn’t behave the way we would like. Day after day, such situations accumulate in our minds.
And then we start labeling: “he’s not my match”, “the relationship is futile”, “I deserve better”. Like a snowball, this dissatisfaction begins to acquire new claims.
Relationship fatigue is a consequence of your unfulfilled expectations.
How to overcome relationship fatigue?
People tend to change throughout life. But it’s unlikely that your partner suddenly became stupid and ugly. If it seems to you that this is so, then it is better to break up - you have stopped loving him.
A if you are sure of your love for him, but are simply tired of the relationship itself, not all is lost! It’s possible to regain your previous interest in each other! Our tips:
1. Bring back everything that the two of you did before. How are you doing now? We came home from work, had dinner, stared at our laptops, and went to bed because we had to go to work tomorrow.
And before? They kissed in front of passers-by, bowled, went to the cinema, restaurants, wandered in the park, holding hands! Remember all the things you liked to do together and start again!
2. The more joint activities, the better! Moreover, this is not only joint entertainment, but also joint useful chores around the house!
4. Be spontaneous! Bringing surprises into your relationship isn't that hard:
5. Forgive insults. Love is when you don’t have to say “I’m sorry.” Mentally forgive your partner for past grievances and do not return to the bad. Try not to criticize your partner (or do it affectionately).
6. Have sex. Sometimes it’s tempting to punish him with sexual hunger! This should not be done under any circumstances, because such pauses in intimate life can drag on for months. Bed is not the place to sort things out! Variety and regularity of sex is what you need!
7. Be interesting to your partner and to others! You can read more about how to do this here : How not to be boring for a man?
8. Go on vacation together. But you need to do this when you feel a warming in the relationship and do not risk quarreling at a fashionable resort over a trifle!
But the main thing in resuscitating relationships is patience and delicacy! Believe in your love, and it will sparkle with bright colors again! ??
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The girl is tired of the relationship, what to do?
I really ask for advice, I don’t know what to do. I’m 25 years old, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years, we live together. I’m incredibly tired of relationships, I believe in a person, but he constantly lets me down, sets me up. I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid to make a fatal mistake.
He doesn’t work, he helps around the house, he does construction work at the dacha, but financially I’m the only one who handles everything. It’s very hard for me and I tell him about it, but he doesn’t seem to hear me. I work, he thinks that the money is shared. He doesn’t want to go to work, he says that no one will hire him anywhere. We bought him a car for cargo transportation, he promised that he would go to work on it if we bought it. But things are still there. Every day I wake up in the morning for work, and he is still sleeping.
I also have big problems with his family; his mother and sister do not recognize me. He lives at my house. He doesn’t ask me to get married, or rather he says that he wants to get married, but there are absolutely no actions.
Now we had a fight, I stopped helping even around the house, I asked to take me to the store, but my request was ignored. He tries to be sarcastic, to jab at me that I’m a bad housewife. But when I say that I’m not happy with him, he constantly makes excuses. He always thinks he’s right, always! He never apologizes, doesn’t admit his mistakes, I’m always bad.
I'm so tired and don't know what to do, is it worth continuing this relationship? Is it possible to change a person?
No wonder your name is NADEZhDA.
you're a fool and the guy knows it
It is impossible to change a person, Nadezhda. Reading your message, honestly, I just want to literally order you to evict the young man to his family and never think about him again. And so that you listen. Because no analysis of this situation and reflection on it is actually necessary; what you wrote is scary, wild and wrong. It shouldn't be this way.
She probably really is a fool;(I constantly justify him, he is an Aries by zodiac sign. So I think it’s a matter of character, that he simply cannot admit that he is wrong. And without him it’s scary;(we’ve been together for so many years.
author, relationships tend to end. and people tend to make mistakes. the essence that your uh.. dependent is now demonstrating has always been sitting in him, it just hasn’t revealed it to you for the time being. As soon as I realized that I could sit on your neck and you would be lucky, I immediately showed my true self. How can you change an adult, mature person? no way. so send him out of your apartment as soon as possible to your mommy’s joy, and start living for yourself, without a sucker. It’s not scary at all, it’s cool, it’s the norm. living the way you live now is not normal and unnatural.
7. Sad moonfish
While you're young, dump the loser. He is simply doomed to go with the flow. You need to meet with the rich and successful, who idolize and make life a fairy tale. Stop wasting your best years with one-legged people. Then you will hate and curse him. As well as yourself.
you are waiting for when you have 30 abnormal men and you will be left with only married men. If this isn't a scam, then I can't figure it out at all.
oops, "crazy" in a new context.
ugh, I really need one like that. You alone will achieve more.
Imagine you have another child. and what does life look like to you?
You’re probably right, I just never allowed the thought that the relationship could end. I thought together and forever, he was my first man. It seems to me that over these almost 7 years I have completely forgotten how to flirt, I have become so domestic. I can’t even imagine how to start all over again. He discouraged me from driving a car, constantly telling me that I was doing it badly. Now I’m afraid to get behind the wheel; (although I passed my license myself the 2nd time and haven’t been involved in an accident in 2 years. I have a lot of fears when thinking about the future. I now understand that I’m a fool, but I really hope that he will improve
Now I understand that I’m a fool, but I really hope that he will improve
That means she really is a fool. Everyone wrote to you that he needs to be driven out, and right now, and you - I hope that he will improve... well, hope so. Do you like being a victim and complaining? forward.
“That means she really is a fool. Everyone wrote to you that he needs to be driven out, and right now, and you - I hope that he will improve... well, hope so. Do you like being a victim and complaining? forward.[\/quote]
And he’s not with me now, I wrote that we had a fight. I’m not calling him back. I just wrote that I hope and believe. I wish you to love and be loved always and great happiness from the bottom of my heart and I don’t want to ever experience what it’s like to part with someone love.
Thank you all very much for your advice and comments, I’m left alone, alone with my thoughts and experiences
I sincerely wish you good luck in finding a new partner!!
Dear author! You are so young! Be reasonable! Don't bring this man back! He won't change! NEVER!! After all, we, women, choose who we go through life with! Be more confident in yourself and be in crowded places more often. Feel free to talk to the man you like first! Even if he is in a relationship, communicating with him will be a good experience for you!
It’s obvious that what you’re writing sounds more like prostitution.
A very familiar situation, unfortunately people do not change, no, of course you can pretend that you are changing, but this does not last for long, sooner or later a person shows his essence in a new way. admitting their mistakes is characteristic only of strong people, the weak are always looking for the guilty, everything is to blame for them, but not themselves. no matter how painful it is, I think that you need to say goodbye to people who don’t value you, they will later understand their mistake, but it will be too late. The longer you endure, the more thoughts appear that everything will pass, he or she will change, but we ourselves do not realize that later it could be even worse than it is now. The same thing happened to me and I only realized it when I received a knife in the back.
What to do if a girl ignores you
A person can ignore for any reason and even without it. But the main problem of ignoring is how to reach a person who is not making contact? In fact, the solution to the problem here is not easy. But it is there. It is about the reasons for ignoring and about methods for solving this problem that we will talk in the article.
First, let's look at what the word “ignoring” means.
Ignore – to ignore or neglect a person.
That is, in this case, this is a negative action of a girl against her boyfriend.
In order to solve our problem, we need to find the reason why the girl does not want to communicate with you. Here you need to act as they do in medicine - for proper treatment, you must first make the correct diagnosis. There can be many reasons for a girl’s behavior like this. They can lie both in you and in the girl herself. We will look at the most basic reasons why a girl begins to leave you without attention.
So, the reasons for ignoring:
1. Resentment. When a girl is offended, she often uses this method to draw your attention to the fact that she did not like your past action or inaction.
2. Fatigue. The girl may not give you the attention you need because she no longer has any strength left. This mainly applies to girls who spend almost all their time at work.
3. Manipulation. When the fault is not the guy's, girls often ignore him in order to achieve their goal. The goal may be to achieve attention, gifts, or basic self-pity.
4. Trying to fall out of love. When a girl is tired of a relationship, she may ignore you in order to simply stop loving you and end the relationship.
5. She is not interested in you. There are girls who, after several dates, decide whether they like a guy or not. If you are not suitable for her, then she does not answer messages, calls, leaves the conversation and generally avoids you.
And now, for each reason for ignoring, we will give reasonable advice on how to act in such a situation:
1. When offended. Here you need to find an approach to the girl and apologize to her. When apologizing, you need to tell her how you offended her, apologize and let her know that you realized the mistake and this will not happen again. If a girl does not want to make contact with you, then try to reach her through her close people. I advise you not to use all methods at the same time and first let the girl cool down a little.
2. The girl is tired. In this case, you need to support the girl and not be selfish. Each person has his own supply of vital energy. Some people can spin around like a squirrel in a wheel all their lives, while others get tired and need rest. Therefore, first give the girl a little rest, and then raise and discuss this topic.
3. If he manipulates. Here you should behave confidently and not bend in front of the girl. Tell her directly that you see no reason for her to behave this way. And ask her to stop this behavior so as not to ruin your relationship. The main thing here is to stop this girl’s behavior right away. Because then she will use your pity for her own purposes.
4. The girl is trying to fall out of love. Here you should decide whether you need such a relationship? If a person is trying to forget you, then I think she has drawn a conclusion for herself. And in any case, you will accept her decisions sooner or later. You can try to save the relationship. But to do this you need to correct yourself. And for an adult it is not even easy to correct his shortcomings.
5. If you are not interested. In this case, I also advise you to end the relationship. If sympathy does not appear immediately, then love is unlikely to appear. Yes, of course you can try to intrigue a girl. But the question is, is it worth it if she doesn’t see in you the one with whom she’s on the same path? It's up to you to decide.
Remember: If a girl ignores you, then, regardless of the situation, you should never humiliate yourself in front of her. If you lose respect, you will lose her.
I advise you not to panic when a girl leaves the answer. Here you just need to sit down and assess the situation. Find ways to solve the problem and solve the problem.
When is it time to end a relationship?
Sooner or later, 99.9% of relationships end. The reasons for a breakup can be different: from banal fatigue from each other to serious mistakes of one of the partners. In this article, I will not tell you about all the reasons, but I will tell you about a number of signs that signal that the relationship has already ended, and further meetings are simply pointless. In some cases, only one sign shows that the relationship can and should be restored. In the rest, the relationship needs to be terminated.
Sign No. 1. The girl stopped paying you any signs of attention...
...and you don’t see any manifestations of her feminine affection. When a girl has noticeably lost interest in you or she is simply tired of the relationship (which happens due to the guy’s increased interest in her and frequent meetings), then she stops showing her feminine affection towards you. You just stopped feeling from her the same energy that comes from a girl when she is truly interested in a guy. All that remains is the habit that makes her automatically call you, meet and sleep with you.
Sign No. 2. In case of a quarrel or misunderstanding, she no longer meets you halfway
In almost every relationship there are quarrels and misunderstandings. When people are in love with each other, minor quarrels never become an obstacle to the existence of a good relationship, and partners always meet each other halfway and make peace. However, one of the alarming signs may be the lack of such desire on the part of the guy or girl. When a relationship has mentally outlived its usefulness, indifference takes the place of attraction. And at the same time, after a quarrel, the relationship only worsens and there is most likely no turning back.
Sign No. 3. She shows signs of attraction to other guys
When I pass a girl walking with a guy, I often notice that the girls look at me with interest. I observed the same situation with other guys in my place. It is clear that the girl does not feel sincere attraction to the guy who is next to her and can easily cheat on him. The most interesting thing in all this is that the guys see it too, but, apparently, it doesn’t mean anything to them, and they think that they have a “relationship” with these girls, although with just one experienced glance it is clear that there is even it doesn't smell like them. Or even worse: the guy agrees to just spend time with the girl in the hope of something more.
Sign No. 4. She allows herself to talk to you disrespectfully
If your relationship never really started and, most importantly, you are used to the fact that you cannot create quality relationships, then for you such a girl’s attitude will be the norm. In some cases, you won't even realize that it's disrespectful.
But now I mean the situation where you had a good relationship, but now you began to notice these signs. Disrespect can manifest itself in anything. For example, if she is completely seriously imitating you. Or, having met his friend, he can, as if nothing had happened, carry on a long conversation with her, not paying any attention to you and without introducing you to his friend. I won't describe all the signs. This could be material for an entire book. However, you will immediately feel it somewhere on a deep level.
Sign No. 5. She very rarely agrees to your terms
If earlier falling in love with you forced her to meet you wherever and whenever you want, now this is not the case. She increasingly tells you that she has some problems: either she doesn’t have enough time, or she’s sick, or something else... She began to react to your proposals as if she was simply agreeing to spend time with you, but in no way doesn't want to.
I'm not saying that she is deceiving you, because she really could have problems. However, by and large, with true love, no problem will stand in her way, and she will find an opportunity to meet you.
Sign No. 6. She began to go out with her friends very often
Or go somewhere “on business”. If this happens, know that there is a loss of interest in you. But maybe she just wants you to stop her from doing this. If, despite your prohibitions, she does not meet you halfway, then this is a clear sign of a loss of relationship.
Sign No. 7. She accepts, but gives nothing in return
This is especially evident in relationships built according to the classical scheme: courtship -> declaration of love -> “I need to think” -> and only then in 1 case out of 10 the relationship begins to exist. Thus, a classic scheme develops in which the girl wants to take more without giving anything in return. You and I, as seducers, understand that such a scheme for building relationships is better left for guys who don’t know about pickup.
However, this also happens in good relationships. More precisely, when they are almost over. You begin to realize that what the girl did for you has disappeared.
Decide for yourself whether you want your relationship back? If you understand that you will no longer be able to build a truly high-quality relationship, then you need to accept the fact that in most cases relationships end and this is normal. And just transform your relationship into friendship (of course, you need to talk to her about this). Or you can break up with this girl and find a new one.
If you firmly want to get her back, then read the article “11 techniques for restoring and maintaining your relationship” and start acting correctly.
Remember that it is important not only to know how to repair your relationship, but also how to prevent it from reaching its end.
Collection of answers to your questions
Men spend time on work, professional growth, training, family problems are not as important for them as for women. They stop maintaining the girl’s interest and stop paying attention. Accordingly, after a certain time they begin to think about what to do if the girl has lost interest in the guy. A woman's feelings can quickly cool down, but, fortunately, they can also quickly return if you begin to show interest in her.
What to do if a girl has lost interest in you?
When a girl stops behaving as before, the man does nothing. He believes: she is capricious, she is depressed and she will cope with the problems herself. This is an obvious mistake that makes the situation worse.
If she started acting strange, that means... the first step towards separation already done to her. During this period, it is necessary to surround her with care, the relationship should become the same as it was in the first month of dating: warm, colorful and interesting.
If it seems to you that the relationship has outlived its usefulness and there is no point in continuing it, then it is recommended to have a heart-to-heart talk. Such a conversation will allow you to identify obvious mistakes in relationships, correct them and draw conclusions.
The girl has cooled down towards me: what should I do?
The girl has lost interest in me, what should I do in this case? - this question can be seen online on forums. It is asked not only by teenagers and young boys, but also by mature men who have extensive experience in relationships.
There is no clear answer to this question. Each lady has her own character and temperament. For some, a gift in the form of milk chocolate will be pleasant, but others will not melt at the sight of an expensive fur coat, car and diamonds, and will also take it for granted.
But there is three steps, which will melt the hearts of 90 percent of girls.
How to get a girl back if she has fallen out of love?
If a girl stops loving, it means something needs to change in life. First you need to change your behavior.
A romantic young man, giving gifts and blowing away dust, must temporarily transform into a cold-blooded “dork,” and vice versa. The girl will understand that she has not yet fully gotten to know you, she will be interested in the new image and this will help improve the relationship.
Any relationship with a partner can be characterized as a competition of two characters. If the relationship has recently been filled with scandals, then you need to show your ability to give in. She will understand that spending time with you can take on a different shape and will give you another chance.
In the process of reconciliation with girls, the greatest effect is produced by the “ far-close" It involves constantly keeping the girl in a tense state, which does not allow her to transfer her attention to another object of sympathy. What is it? For one week you need to actively court the girl, show maximum persistence, call several times a day, write SMS, give flowers, read poetry, sing songs, invite her to the movies and show other signs of attention.
What is going on in her thoughts at this moment? She begins to understand that you are still hers and will feel relaxed.
The next week, on the contrary, you need to behave as calmly as possible, ignore her, and not answer calls and SMS. In 70 percent of cases, the girl understands that you have lost interest in her and will begin to take the first steps towards you.
Working on mistakes in relationships
It is better to deal with any problem before it occurs. This also applies to relationships. A man should not allow a woman to stop loving him. To do this, he needs to systematically analyze relationships and work on mistakes.
Do you know what Google search is one of the most popular among women? “How to get back... your ex, your current husband, your boyfriend, anyone?”
I have one question: “Why?” Because the position of “returning the relationship” looks something like this: the hunter killed the hare, but continues to run after it. Already exhausted, the lunch hare is far behind, but he still runs, runs, runs...
Yes, this happens - relationships end and always for different reasons.
In my opinion, it is better to analyze why this happened and what to do next time. If you don’t want to do this, I’ve prepared a couple of tips that will help you get back into your relationship and add harmony to it.
Don't give yourself a complex
If a man is tired of a relationship, it means it was tense. This means you didn’t behave like a real woman, and he didn’t feel like a normal man.
This happens when partners do not hear or understand each other.
Change your behavior strategy. Remember on what grounds the conflicts occurred, what irritated you. Such situations are the norm for any relationship between a man and a woman. The only question is how the partners get out of this impasse.
Some use it as an impetus for development, others lose touch and disperse.
Jealousy is an extreme
This moment might work. But I’ll say right away - this is dishonest, this is manipulation. You can get his attention back if you give it.
If you show that everything is fine without him and a new candidate for your hand and heart was already waiting for you around the corner when you parted ways.
BUT... Let's face it: if you're reading this now, you're falling asleep alone. There are many reasons for jealousy. The main thing is to think about the time and place.
You won't and neither will he. If the man changes, the problems will remain, so I recommend working on your world map.
Admit your mistakes
I will not open America if I say that admitting your mistakes is hard. Always. Firstly, for this, you need to at least trust yourself. Secondly, have courage.
Yes, it takes courage to admit and tell your man that you were wrong. If it was really only you who was to blame.
If the noun “courage” still surprises you, perhaps you are one of those women who believes that only a man can (or worse, should) apologize and admit his mistakes. No, that's not true.
This is nothing more than a myth. Everything will happen exactly the opposite: by admitting your mistakes and giving a man the opportunity to take the helm of your relationship, you will do better, first of all, for yourself as a woman.
Remind me where it was good
Yes, for this you need to resume communication. And bring the conversation to the point that everything is not so bad. It’s just that the two of you need to make a choice in favor of moderating your egoism and pride and learning to find compromises.
Remember the moments in which you had fun together and use them as fuel and motivation for a second chance.
Unfulfilled communications are a separate story. Especially if everything was fine and you swore to each other until the grave, were going to get married and have children with a dog, and then suddenly it all ended.
Few people think about WHICH woman these promises were made.
In love, soft, feminine, radiant - this is exactly what a woman of the candy-bouquet period looks like.
And then you moved in together. And you decided to order him where to sit, what to eat and when, who to meet, how many times to go to and not put his feet on the table and what to do, because you know better.
Did you do this too? Confess in the comments.
Honey, if you just “cut him down”, the situation can be corrected. Show yourself from the other side. Love is a very important, but not the main point in your relationship with a man.
He promised to marry one, but in everyday life he saw a completely different woman. And it’s not surprising that he changed his mind.
Analyze your behavior. I guarantee that your relationship changed along with yours, you just didn’t notice.
The Last of the Mohicans
Before you turn on the “Return at any cost” program, try to communicate with different men.
Perhaps desire is simply a lack of attention? Maybe you don't have enough sex? Or you are too nostalgic and don’t know how to live in the present moment.
Interact, go on dates to better understand them and your needs in relationships, and most importantly, do not be afraid of new ones.
They hold on to the old when they are not ready for the new. You can create the relationship you want. With an ex or with a new one - it's up to you.
Yes, by the way. There is one important nuance. Usually, as soon as you catch a state of inner happiness and deal with the cockroaches, your exes flock back like flies to honey. But I’m not sure that you will need such a relationship then.
With faith in you
Yaroslav Samoilov.
Hello, This is Lesha Doc and in this article I will answer the question of a guy who found himself in a difficult situation
And the subject of his letter sounds like this: “If a girl is tired of relationships”
By the way, I made 3 new products
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I'll answer you personally.
My personal email: [email protected] (all free)
And here is his letter that he sent to me:
Hello, Alexey! Glad I found your site.
I didn’t think I’d ever write something like this, but bad things happen and I need advice and support.
I'm 29, she's 23. Lived together for 1.5 years, it didn’t come to the wedding. There were quarrels and reconciliation, I always tried to cut off grievances in the bud so that they wouldn’t accumulate.
The other day there was a quarrel, I’m leaving you screaming, on the grounds that she’s fed up with everything (domestic violence). And she’s right, I threw myself into work completely, because... we moved to a new apartment, where there were only walls, there wasn’t even a table to eat. In general, I extinguished this conflict with the promise to “fix everything” and a bouquet of flowers.
Exactly 3 days passed, at the time when I was at work, she packed her things and left me. Her friends helped her rent an apartment and borrowed money (she doesn’t work anywhere, she was completely supported by me). An important fact is that she has no one.
Out of emotion, I started calling, writing, asking to come back - in response I received the phrase “Let's try to live separately for a week. I have to find out how I feel about you." I'll be honest, I feel bad like never before. The first night I hardly slept, and in the morning I woke up with bile in my mouth. In general, everything sucks.
So far, I have only tried to ignore (do not write, do not call, do not look for meetings). The New Year is ahead, I’m in shock, there were joint plans... The problem of the breakup is aggravated by the fact that that I'm a binge alcoholic, but has been in remission for 2.5 years. If I snap, it will be complete armageddon. Going to work is not an option, because... I was so tired this year, I was waiting for the holidays to rest.
I'll try to write what I missed. I'm jealous I didn't agree with it working until late (it’s hard to find another job). I said, if you need money, I’ll give it to you, better go get an education, I’ll give you the same money. She wanted drive, emotions, but I didn’t give them.
I am a loner on my own, she didn’t like it either, every weekend I suggested going somewhere (cinema, theater, skating rink) - I was refused. I asked what you needed then, I offer entertainment, why do you refuse. In response - I need company, she was bored with me.
I began to correct the situation, she went to makeup courses, etc. Invited friends for dinner, etc. As a result, one hell of a quarrel, after which I was able to hold her, but everything turned out differently, she I already made a decision then and was just waiting for time to quietly leave... What to do if a girl is tired of the relationship?
So, let's understand this situation:
What can you say about the girl?
Young girl hasn't had enough time yet, wants some fun, wants to work, wants a fun and interesting life.
What does she get from this relationship with the guy?
A gray apartment without furniture, in which there is absolutely nothing to do, you can’t go for a walk, because the guy will be jealous of her, you can’t work, because the guy doesn’t like it, at the same time the boy is not at home every day, and he comes in the evening. And when he comes and there’s nothing to talk to him about, and it’s not interesting.
So what is left in the bottom line?
The apartment is like a prison, the jealous guy is a drunk, which does not allow development. When the girl weighed all the pros and cons, she began to understand perfectly well that she did not need such a relationship with a guy for nothing, since it was doomed to failure and nothing good would come of it in the future.
As a result, she quietly packed her things and ran away from this prison.
Now about the guy.
The guy started dating a girl and over time completely fell in love with her, did not give her emotions, fed her breakfast, that everything would get better soon, etc. But at the same time he did not develop the relationship further.
What does it mean to develop relationships?
This is to invite the girl to marry him, help her find a job (if she doesn’t want to sit at home), create comfort in the apartment so that the girl would enjoy being there, find new mutual friends and eventually start a family with children.
Naturally, the guy didn’t do any of this and stupidly continued to suffer from nonsense and do only my work and spent 90% of my free time at home.
All this led to this disastrous result. More likely, the girl won't come back, since she lives well even in freedom, and the disadvantages of this guy significantly outweigh the advantages.
And I want to advise the guy work out your mistakes and in the future, no longer make these mistakes with a new girl who wants to live with him and build a relationship.
If you start drinking, then the situation will worsen even more and the girl will understand that she did everything right.
This article is just a small part of what is on my sites, they contain a lot of useful and practical information on this and other topics that interest you. You can immediately successfully use this information in practice with girls, without wasting your time. Now I have 2 sites: lesha-dok..
Click: More articles on this topic
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What to do if you don’t have a beautiful girlfriend or the girl left?
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If you have a question for me, then write, I I'll answer you personally. On the topic of girls, I have been giving advice for 9 years, I have a huge experience. (all confidential).
My personal email: [email protected] (all free)
What guys say about the articles:
“Lesha, from the moment I started reading your articles, I changed my life a lot. If you apply your advice, then not only your relationships with girls will change, but your whole life in general. Now I live like a MAN, and the girls feel it))”
Egor, Moscow
“Thank you so much, Lesha!!! The tips from your articles are useful, they change your own psychology and attitude towards the world and towards girls. Now everything in my life has changed dramatically. Thank you!”
Maxim, Ukraine
“Alexey, thank you so much for what you do. You help people find each other, while breaking all the stereotypes of how guys behave with girls. After your advice, it becomes easier to communicate with girls and live in general. It turns out that everything is simple!)”
