Irresponsibility of a man towards a woman. Men with whom long-term healthy relationships are impossible

06.04.202127.05.2017

The eternal question of women who seek advice from a psychologist, astrologer, or fortune teller is how will their relationship with this man develop? With which, as a rule, there are so many problems that it is already difficult to cope without a specialist. As a rule, people seek help when the case is already advanced. Because it's too late, I'm in trouble. It is much easier to recognize a potential problem in advance. And if this has already happened, you need to reconsider your attitude towards the situation, towards yourself and towards the tormenting man as soon as possible. And then the external situation will change - either the man causing suffering will disappear on his own, or he will change (but this happens extremely rarely, unfortunately, rather as an exception to the rule). And this will open the way to a bright streak in a woman’s life, to a new relationship, this time harmonious.

First of all, I would like to note that every woman needs to treat herself with love and respect. Without self-love, it is almost impossible to build harmonious relationships. Because those around us treat us the way we treat ourselves and, therefore, how we allow ourselves to be treated. Moreover, what kind of people are attracted to us depends on our inner attitude. Secondly, the important thing is that the point here is not so much in the man, but in the woman herself. Namely, what kind of men she chooses. There are a number of types of men who are not capable of long-term and harmonious relationships (there are also women, but in this article we will talk about men). And until a woman realizes where she is making a mistake and does not internally reconsider her attitude towards herself and towards similar men, she will step on the same rake again and again (as a rule, each subsequent case is worse than the previous one). Often unsuitable men are attracted to women who can be called idealists, maximalists, overly romantic people who dream of ideal, passionate, all-consuming love. As a rule, this is a consequence of a lack of love on the part of the father. Having matured, such a girl subconsciously strives to arouse love for herself in precisely those men who cannot give it to her. And the pattern repeats itself over and over again. Less often, the opposite situation occurs - excessive idealization of the father, great love on his part.

Types of men with whom it is dangerous to have a relationship.

1. Married man.

He swears his love to you, and in moments of intimacy he is caring and gentle. But when communicating with you, he always looks at his watch, hides you from everyone, cannot meet with you on weekends and holidays, while saying that he loves only you. However, in reality there are not two of you, but three of you. At the same time, he will have a lot of explanations for why he cannot leave his wife, despite the fact that he loves only you, but does not love her and she does not understand him. Or, he will always promise you that the time will soon come and he will divorce and marry you. But all this will happen... in the future. These are just words. Not actions. Although there are exceptions.

2. Unavailable man.

This type of man behaves with you exactly the same as a married man. But at the same time she is not married. He looks like a great man who makes you feel good when you're having fun together. But when you need help... he's not there, he's out of reach. He always has things to do that are more important than you. At the same time, he, too, like a married man, does not introduce you to his friends, does not tell his parents about you (let alone introduce you to them). When he needs you, he is your covenant, and you are nearby. But he doesn't even entertain the thought of being there for you when you need him. He doesn't think about it. He is already comfortable and good. And if you get tired of it and leave him, it will be... good for him too. Although perhaps not right away. Because it won't be comfortable for a while. After all, you won’t be there when he wants it, as always, for a few...hours or minutes.

3. Bad boy.

He is a funny guy, a charmer and a joker. He is charming, sweet and irresistible. When you are together, he puts you on a pedestal, makes vows, jokes. It's never boring with him. But... out of the blue, he suddenly doesn’t get in touch with you, despite his promises. And he can disappear for weeks, not caring at all about your worries. Then, just as suddenly, he appears and, with constant charm, looking lovingly into your eyes, asks for forgiveness. So what if you found evidence of his betrayal in the form of lipstick on his shirt? After all, he is so charming and so faithfully promises that this will never happen again. And you forgive because you want to believe in a fairy tale. After all, this charmer is so sweet and speaks so skillfully about his love for you. But...he's as irresponsible as he is charming.

4. Sexually preoccupied.

All his thoughts are about the same thing. All he needs from you is the satisfaction of his sexual needs. Sex replaces all the delights of a relationship between a man and a woman. He is not interested in heart-to-heart conversations, he does not know how to express his feelings to you, he craves only one thing. And he knows how to solve all problems in relationships only with sex. But... at any moment when you are not around, or when for some reason you cannot satisfy his sudden need, he can do it somewhere else. After all, sex is all he needs from a woman.

5. Unreliable, irresponsible man.

This man calls himself self-sufficient and independent. He doesn't need your presence at all. Or rather, he only wants to be with you sometimes. And not every day. After all, he is self-sufficient, and he feels good. You console yourself with the thought that you have him, because he is dating you. And that he will substitute his strength male shoulder V difficult situation. But... this is an illusion. Because he doesn't need it. And it may very well be that at some point his self-sufficiency in his relationship with you will reach such limits that he will no longer need to spend his time on you, at least occasionally. After all, the main thing for him is his freedom and independence.

6. Poor thing.

Such a man will shower you with his attention in abundance, shower you with ardent declarations of love, fulfill your every whim without hesitation, is ready to literally do anything for you and cannot live without you. And soon you won’t be able to be alone for a minute. Because he will be with you all the time. He wants to merge with you, to always be one, and... will demand the same constant attention from you. You will have to give all your time only to him. So, in the end, you ask yourself the question - does he really love you, or is it some kind of painful addiction?

7. Engineer of human souls.

This is a sincere storyteller, an excellent expert on female psychology. He paints in all colors the beauty of love for you and you as such. Beautiful words flow from him like a river. Ah, these women who “love with their ears!”... He casts languid glances at you, he talks about love, promises a lot, and constantly gets into your soul. He subtly understands the slightest movements of the human soul, feels you perfectly and pretends that he is “on board” with you. He is an excellent manipulator and masters psychological methods of influence. He knows your motives and needs, tells you everything you want and promises you a lot. And soon you realize that he has gotten so deeply into your soul that you can’t get him off. He got you hooked on beautiful words like a drug. He has the habit of subtly asking how much you love him, how much you need him. And you say - yes, I love you! This is exactly what he wanted. But... it soon becomes clear that he cannot offer you anything but words. And he doesn’t think it’s necessary. He is weak and helpless, does not keep his promises, and many do not even remember. He doesn't know how to act. All his energy is spent on beautiful words. As a rule, he has an inferiority complex, and through intimate conversations he makes women fall in love with him. For self-affirmation.

8. Selfish.

This is a man who loves only himself. He is simply not capable of loving anyone else. Especially if we are talking about a person who pays great attention to his appearance. Do you think it's nice to deal with such an elegant, handsome macho? However... this is only an appearance. The more carefully he chooses his clothes, shoes, perfume, hairstyle, the more he looks in the mirror and laments what he has gained. extra kilos, the more advanced the situation is - in front of you is a narcissistic narcissist. He really takes good care of himself, but... only of himself. It is simply not enough for others.

9. Workaholic.

A man whose interests are limited solely to his career will never be able to make a woman happy. He disappears at work for days, and he doesn’t care about anything except her. In this pair, the man-work third is the odd one out. Probably, such a person has a very undeveloped ability to feel, love, and care. He replaces care and love with money earned at work. And, if a woman tries to be indignant at his inattention, he will reproach her for not appreciating his efforts to provide her with a sweet life. He simply won't hear her.

10. Drug addict, alcoholic, gambler.

A man prone to harmful addictions can make any woman unhappy. And neither the most wonderful compatibility nor love can save you here. You can live with him, but... is it possible to live happily? And is it worth the pain?

11. Controller.

At first glance, such a man can amaze you with his strength and masculinity. He knows how to solve problems, he is active, strong, decisive. He is the master of life. As a rule, it takes high post and makes good money. Behind him is like behind a stone wall. But at one fine moment you realize that the stone wall has turned into a cage. Because such a man limits you in everything and dictates all your actions for a long time to come. Controlling every step. He perceives you as a thing, his property.

12. Aggressor.

Is it worth explaining that if a man beats his woman every now and then, then relying on the well-known saying “He beats means he loves” is not the best way out. Moreover, he is not limited to beatings alone. And don’t skimp on insults and rudeness. If he is so aggressive that he easily raises his hand against you, it is stupid to believe that he can be changed and you will live like in a fairy tale. Even if he suddenly begins to promise that he will never repeat this again. If he raised his hand to you, try to put an end to this relationship as soon as possible.

13. Greedy.

This is a special type of man. He can have as much money as he wants, but this has little effect on the degree of his greed. He can explain this to you for any reasons, and even assure you that he is not greedy, but you should keep in mind that people are prone to “excuses”, even if they themselves are not aware of the true motives of their behavior. A man who spares money on his woman is not a man. And tomorrow he will spare money for his child. So what then? Believe in miracles? He can spare money on everyone except himself. Or he might be greedy for himself too. It's not that important. Another thing is important - it cannot be fixed. A man by nature is a protector, a provider. And if your chosen one has greed instead of these qualities, everything is too neglected. Run away from him and don't regret anything!

14. Indifferent.

At first, he may seem so touchingly unhappy that he will touch your soul. You will want to pour out your tenderness on this unfortunate creature, warm him, caress him and finally make him happy with your love. After all, he has such sad eyes, he is so serious and reserved. He probably has such a vulnerable and sensitive soul that he is afraid to show his feelings so as not to be hurt or offended. And you will take it and melt the ice, because your love is enough for two. Stop! First of all, pay attention to your self-esteem! Why should you love for two? There will be no happiness in such a relationship. Because there is no harmony and equality there. And it won't. Secondly, such stories, as a rule, end in the collapse of relationships, a lot of disappointments, illnesses and mental trauma. Because an insensitive, indifferent, cold person who does not know how to love will not melt from your love alone. He doesn't need it. Although there are exceptions - when a man, at first cautious and reserved, as the relationship develops and trust in you increases, he opens up and becomes loving and gentle with you. But this usually happens pretty quickly. And this is rare. If his coldness lasts for months, or even years, there is no point in expecting a miracle.

15. Alphonse.

This money-obsessed type can hardly be called a man. But he doesn't think so. He is used to selling himself, his attractiveness (and often he is really damn attractive!). He is well versed in the intricacies of female psychology, skillfully manipulates and seduces. He can be a good lover. And he knows how to “show off” so that you lose your head over him. Having previously learned all the features of your excellent material well-being. But... will he love you? He only loves your money. You need to be very careful with this one and stay away from it. So that it doesn’t turn out like in one humorous story, “A friend met such a handsome guy! Not a man, but a fairy tale!” He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t work, ... and doesn’t intend to. He lives in her luxurious apartment, with everything ready And he responds to all the indignation - if you don’t like something, I can leave, they’ll quickly pick me up, handsome.”

16. Womanizer.

This is a man who, in principle, is incapable of love. Although he himself may not think so. But he calls anything love, just not love itself. He can sincerely admit that he is not monogamous. Hiding behind slogans from books that a man is a sower and all that jazz. So everything is in the nature of men, and not at all his fault. But he may not say this. It doesn't matter. If a man is walking, it is in vain to expect him to finally calm down and stop walking to the left. Even if he says that he loves only you and will no longer go to the left. However, if you are ready for this, continue to be with him. And even deceive yourself that you are happy and don’t go to doctors at all, don’t experience an inferiority complex, etc. etc. But is it worth it?

17. Bachelor.

This type is very similar to unavailable and independent. But he most often openly declares his bachelor principles. He does not accept the institution of marriage and cannot stand obligations. Taking responsibility for someone is simply stupid. For what? If you can live for yourself, your loved one, for your own pleasure. And he is not going to offer anything but sex to his sexual needs with women (after all, he doesn’t owe anyone anything). And he will always find them. He does not know the beauty of close relationships, care and family comfort. He doesn't understand this. The word “we” does not exist for him, and even infuriates him. And the word “ours, common” is generally like a red rag for a bull. Among bachelors there can also be misogynists.

18. Gloomy philosopher.

This is a man full of abstruse ideas and reasoning. He will quote classics and philosophers, he is well-read, smart and looks down on this whole “imperfect world” with petty-bourgeois foundations. Often he leads an ascetic lifestyle and cannot earn anything (with loud slogans that money is so low and vulgar). May be overly involved in spiritual practices, Castaneda, yoga, etc. (which in itself is not at all bad, but not in the case of a gloomy philosopher). He ignores the physical, material world. May not take care of himself, be unkempt, unkempt. He has reduced sensory sensations. After all, he is a high-flying bird. He doesn’t care about generally accepted principles. He can also look down on marriage, cynically talking about “loving a woman like a wild flower - he saw, smelled, admired and moved on,” about open relationships. This is what it is" high relations"Why should he burden himself with everyday life and serious relationships? After all, he is above this, all so spiritual, smart and advanced.

19. Loser, whiner.

This man is a typical loser. He cannot find a decent job, he always sits penniless in his pocket, or even on someone’s neck. At the same time, he may consider himself an unrecognized genius, whom no one appreciates or understands. As a rule, he blames others and circumstances for his failures. At work, they say, he is not appreciated, his salary is not raised, his bosses are all bad, his colleagues are envious. His friends don’t understand him and that’s why, by and large, he doesn’t have any friends. And women are completely insidious creatures. And he had never seen a single good girl. They're all bitches. Whining, criticizing everything and everyone and seeking pity is his typical behavior. And even if at first he says that you may be an exception, and not like all these bitches, then the likelihood that in his eyes you will soon join the same cohort of bitches is very high.

20. Infantile. Mama's boy.

This is the type of weak, dependent person. As a rule, he has an overbearing mother, or was raised by an overbearing grandmother. Often he is the only son of his parents (or of one mother, whose husband either abandoned her or never had one). And now he obeys his mother in everything, she completely controls him. If he manages to fly out from under her wing and starts a relationship with you, firstly, his mother will most likely not approve of his choice (why does she need competitors?), and he will listen to her, or he will behave with you just like with a powerful and strong mother. He won’t be able to take a step without you, he will be entirely under your influence. There is no need to look for support and support in such a man. And with his addiction, he will very soon begin to drive you crazy. Do you need an over-aged, infantile “son”, or is it still a man?

The list goes on. But the trends are clear. Of course, all these types are just conventions. And they, as a rule, are exaggerated, as in any typology. In addition, there are practically no pure types in nature. Usually several of these characteristics, developed to varying degrees, are combined in one person. Some of them are intersecting. All people are not perfect. And one or another trait may be present in a normal man who know how to build good relationships. But the most important thing is to understand to what extent it is developed. And if some of these traits are strongly and seriously expressed in a man, then, of course, you can build a relationship with him if you really want to (but is it worth it?). Moreover, “love is evil.” But! Is this love? Love is harmony. Although many call it strong feelings, where there is a lot of suffering, or passion, or painful dependence. Anything but love. Remember that it is almost impossible to create a long and happy relationship with such a man. Although many of our women live by the principle “even if it’s bad, it’s mine.” Here you should decide for yourself what you want - a happy family and a loving, reliable man nearby, who not only makes you happy, but is also happy that you are nearby. Or suffering, complexes, tears and psychosomatic illnesses. And remember, no matter what a man is, he must take care not only of himself, but also of you and your children. How about yourself. But playing with one goal will not bring happiness.

The key feature is that in relationships he takes the position of “junior”, behaves towards a woman as a “son”, and not as a “husband”. At the same time, he demands to be in charge, so that the woman submits to him on the basis that he is a man. Avoids any responsibility, covering up his failure with an imaginary “bright personality” and “misunderstanding” on the part of society. He is fascinated by the ideality of a woman, and then becomes disappointed in her if he sees even one minor flaw. He leaves a woman, then returns, then admires her, then humiliates her.

Possible type relationships are tyrannical and victimized.
Sample portrait: narcissism.
Appearance for an infant is not an indicative sign. Exactly like social status. As a rule, they are dressed in what their mother or wife left on the chair in the morning, and the amount of money in their wallet also depends on the mood in which their caring life partner left for work.
If we pay attention to the social activity of an irresponsible man, it is likely that we will discover a “creative” personality and a “special” mental organization. Romantic poets, sensual musicians, sadly looking at modern world philosophers and other recognized, but more often unrecognized geniuses are entirely self-centered narcissists - infantiles. Their common characteristic feature- avoidance of responsibility. Usually, a beloved (read caring) woman comes to a psychologist, tired of “pitying, helping, understanding and burdening everything on herself - everyday life, child, family.” Despite Christian beliefs about the sanctity of marriage, for some reason she is trying to break off this exhausting relationship that prevents her from living.
Narcissists, contrary to popular belief about their excessive self-confidence, are prone to depression and self-deprecation, exaltation and grandiosity, and the line between these states is very thin. Now he admires himself, the next minute he feels like a nonentity. Now he puts a woman on a pedestal, a minute later he wipes his feet on her, humiliating and suppressing her. In order not to fall from a state of absolute narcissism into a state of deep self-contempt (narcissists, alas, are not capable of remaining somewhere in the center between these states), they require constant acceptance from their environment. This is why a narcissist most often builds relationships with a woman who is generous with help, support and recognition. But the paradox is that no amount of love, understanding, acceptance and admiration can fill the vacuum of problems caused by narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic individuals often also have neurosis - this means that they begin to be hostile towards a woman who has stopped behaving ideally and has become herself, the way she really is. Being far from ideal, narcissists demand perfection from women. If she refuses to play this game and spend all her time trying to please him or earn his approval, they easily break up with her. They do not have the ability for deep feelings, because they treat women functionally. They say they share love and family. In human terms, this means that they may be interested in your impeccable housekeeping skills, and not in you as a person. And if another woman has two more skills, they will trade you for a more advanced model of a woman within a week. At the same time, do not be surprised if you see a numbered list of your qualities and the qualities of other women on a piece of paper - you can be compared by characteristics, like a product in a store. And they may offer you a relationship not because they have deep, genuine feelings for you, but because they are very comfortable with you in everyday life. As soon as you stop performing your functions to the fullest extent, or a more functional and economical model of a woman is found, you, your children and all your efforts to create a marriage will be forgotten within a week or two.
Infants are characterized by a complete lack of social responsibility and care for their wife and children! IN best case scenario- They live by the principle: give money and go. And more often there is nothing - no warmth, no care, no money. Only criticism and humiliation and lack of help around the house. But it just so happened that in the realities of our society, which has raised several generations of female assistants in a row, this shortcoming is no longer considered significant.
They say about such men: “He has a difficult character.” It is important to note that this is not just a severe character, but a personality disorder that requires treatment from a psychiatrist.
90% of prosperous women have the highest degree of hyper-responsibility, self-demandingness, an urgent need for constant self-improvement and, finally, a terrible helper complex, which makes them potential victims of users - narcissists and psychopaths, guaranteeing almost 100% of ending up in destructive relationships.
What should you pay attention to so as not to become a victim of such difficult, exhausting relationships?
First of all, a woman needs to stop constantly justifying the man she likes when his words do not match his deeds. Irresponsible infantiles constantly break their promises, and from their excuses it follows that anyone is to blame, but not themselves. Others are always to blame for the failures of an infantile man - envious colleagues, evil managers, etc. And they always have an excuse for their own misdeeds.
When making any decisions, infantiles are guided primarily by their own interests. They are amazingly selfish! And they love to complain about their own problems, readily giving women the right to solve them. This gives many women the illusion of their own need, and therefore they readily fall for the bait of such eternal boys.
When a man says that a woman is his savior, and from anything - alcoholism, financial problems, life troubles, parents, etc. - you shouldn’t expect good from relationships.

As soon as a man begins to ask his chosen one for anything significant - from money to help in solving his problems, he can give up his dreams of a happy relationship.
And unfortunately, as long as a woman with a helper complex does not notice how from an assistant she becomes a savior, she will readily rush to the aid of her beloved man, solve his problems, make sure that he does not drink, does not smoke, will get him a job, come up with ideas for him goal, and then joyfully help in its implementation, giving of yourself without reserve.
It is these women who bitterly complain to their friends: “I have two children - a son and a husband.”
If a woman has taught a man to lean on her shoulder from the very beginning. Why be surprised that over time it moved to the neck?

Alcoholic

The key feature is a narcissist, a person with a serious personality disorder, a hostage to his inner master - alcohol addiction. Under the guise of this personality disorder, other mental illnesses may be hidden, so it must be shown to a psychiatrist-narcologist. (The portal thesolution.ru published an article about the arrangement of psychopathological symptoms according to the pyramid principle. The probabilities of combinations of a wide variety of symptoms and syndromes of psychological illnesses are described there in detail)
A possible type of relationship is tyrannical-victim, codependent. Partnership with an alcoholic is impossible! There is a small chance of correcting the relationship if the alcoholic has undergone thorough treatment by a psychiatrist. However, if it is possible to avoid/end a relationship with an alcoholic, it is recommended to do so immediately.
Sample portrait: The lot of alcoholics is the terminal destruction of themselves and their loved ones. They are not able to exist by creating; this skill is missing from their toolkit of life. All an alcoholic can do is drink, humiliate and humiliate, and also lie, especially about his material and financial situation.
Coexistence in a couple with an alcoholic (life, alas, one cannot even call this relationship) is his eternal salvation from himself. This is why alcoholics most often enter into relationships with women-saviors, with women - altruists - helpers who, by virtue of their life experience They didn’t learn to live for themselves, they chose the strategy of helping as a way to achieve love, and therefore they masterfully learned to be useful and necessary to all the orphans and the poor. As a rule, these are girls who were disliked in childhood and had to constantly seek the attention of mom and dad.
A change of roles occurs, as a rule, on the initiative of the partner who largely sets the tilt angle in the relationship. Simply put, the most problematic person always starts first, bringing the codependent partner with him.
Drawing a partner into the “Karpman Triangle” is typical for all people suffering from a personality disorder, and alcoholics are not capable of building relationships otherwise. In the same way, however, like most codependent women with whom alcoholics manage to start relationships.
It is impossible to cure an alcoholic on your own! Moreover, without a preliminary in-depth analysis of the alcoholic’s psyche, even coding will be ineffective. We must not forget that often a whole bunch of psychiatric disorders are hidden behind the mask of alcoholism. Only a psychiatrist can understand whether this is true, identify problems and find a way to solve them.
The best way to avoid problems associated with alcohol addiction is to protect yourself from relationships with an alcoholic!
So, how can you recognize a man at an early stage of a relationship who will later cause suffering?
An alarm should sound if:
he asks a woman to help him solve his problems, and a relationship begins only after the woman agrees to help;
he complains to the woman about life, mental suffering, the harshness of the boss or the lack of understanding of others, counting on her consolation, and the relationship begins only after he finds support and understanding from the woman;
he asks to pay off his debts or simply lend money;
he commits an immoral act, which normally, according to the rules of good manners, is considered offensive: he is rude, gets into a fight, drives drunk, etc., and then does nothing to correct the situation or at least apologize. All questions for solving subsequent problems are provided to the woman;
he arrives on a date drunk;
he likes to do risky things: write on the wall in blood about his feelings, sneak into a house through a window rather than a door, don’t wear seat belts in the car because he’s a risky guy. In a word, he shows in every possible way how much he knows how to go beyond limits.
He is jealous and controlling, criticizes, admires, and then devalues. You cannot do anything without his permission.
He is pathologically jealous and very hot-tempered.
He argues (even if jokingly) that cheating is normal and that we must treat it philosophically.
He humiliates - a woman for him is a creature that does not deserve respect. Her opinion is not taken into account. I am sure that she is obliged to endure and endure any relationship only on the basis that he is a man and he paid attention to her.
He is too ideal and even though you have not known him for long, your romance is so stormy and passionate, it immediately became a serious relationship.
He is against you having your own money (source of income, business, job).
He is obsessed with the idea of a man's dominance over a woman and seeks submission at any cost. The first sign is that he is late (unconscious desire for power)
He studies what patterns you use to think and presents you with information about yourself in the format that is familiar to you - so you take it for reality and become captive of illusions. (If it seems to you that a man is literally reading your thoughts, be on your guard!)
He portrays feelings that he does not experience. (For example, some psychopaths deliberately remember situations that cause anger and anger because it makes their face red. When a red-cheeked and supposedly excited man shows up on a date later than expected, he feigns remorse and tells the woman that he was late for a good reason (and not just because , that he is pleased when they are waiting for him, because then he controls the situation, that is, he has power).
He doesn't trust the sincerity of your emotions. First jokingly, and then seriously, he checks the dilation of your pupils and the redness of your skin, because he is aware that some people fake their feelings and play roles. He views all your communication as manipulation, and every emotion is viewed as deceitful and insincere (because he does so himself). (It is absolutely difficult for him to believe that you are sincerely showing kindness and generosity. He either accuses you of hypocrisy, or simply laughs at you)...

The ability to take responsibility for one’s actions is a very important quality for any adult. But individuals who do not sufficiently possess this quality do not appeal to anyone...

And of course, no woman will be happy if an irresponsible man appears in her life! What to do if such a character is already near you, and how to recognize irresponsible men in advance, the site will tell you.

How to determine that a man is prone to irresponsibility?

We think every girl would like her life partner to be able to take responsibility for his words and actions. How to determine if an irresponsible man has appeared on your horizon?

Signs that should make you wary:

Even at the stage of the first three dates, the gentleman begins to break his promises in small ways - for example, suddenly and not entirely in advance rescheduling a meeting that he had previously appointed and agreed upon in place and time, or simply making excuses for some circumstances, etc. Even if all these inconsistencies do not yet constitute a real inconvenience for you, this is a reason to pay attention and think about how a given person is generally inclined to behave in life, how long will he consider the violation of his obligations to be not a burdensome nonsense?..
A man often and tediously responds to all sorts of unfortunate circumstances in his life, evil fate, deceit and meanness of the people around him, etc. An irresponsible person does not want to admit that all this unluckiness is caused simply by the inability to accept and correct the consequences of one’s own actions, as well as to act prudently and avoid problems!
A man easily and serenely breaks obligations to other people before your eyes. Even if he seems to be doing this for your sake, you shouldn’t be particularly happy - because sooner or later he will break his obligations to you in the same way. If now he laughingly informs you that he came to you in broad daylight instead of meeting a client (“and burn it all with a blue flame, I want to be with you!”), then one day he will also leave, for example , to the dacha with friends, and also with laughter will tell them that he came here instead of a weekend with a girl, “and burn it all with a blue flame, I want to hang out with you!”
A man avoids situations where he needs to take responsibility - to come to an agreement, make a decision, complete some task, etc. For example, somehow it suddenly turns out that you, and not he, are organizing your vacation - booking a hotel, looking for tickets... And he - and what is he, he is ready to accept any of your decisions! But for some reason he doesn’t want to decide all this himself...

Is it a woman's fault that a man doesn't behave responsibly?

Why are men irresponsible? Many “pseudopsychologists” explain this this way: they say, if a man behaves irresponsibly and, therefore, the woman takes on too much responsibility in a couple. And a man simply takes advantage of the fact that everything is decided for him, and decided well, and relaxes...

But in fact, this version, which seems logical at first glance, has a significant “crack”.

There are many (the overwhelming majority!) of men who are irresponsible just like that, from the very beginning: either their mother raised them wrong, or they inherited the genes from some irresponsible ancestors - but their current partners have nothing to do with this shortcoming of theirs!

Don't listen to anyone who says that an irresponsible man is because of a woman!

Even if a woman has taken on too much responsibility in a couple and is forced to decide for both of them, this is not a cause, but a consequence of male irresponsibility. Reality, one way or another, constantly presents the couple with tasks related to responsibility - and either the couple (and, in fact, one person) copes with them, or both people in the couple suffer inconvenience. This is how it turns out - for example, if a woman wants a vacation together, she is forced to organize it. Otherwise, no one will go anywhere! But this is a simple and harmless example - and in real life wives “pull out” serious financial issues, shared children, and a large household...

How to live with an irresponsible man?

Is a couple viable at all if one person in it is an irresponsible man?

Psychologists approach this issue this way: according to the style of behavior in a couple, all people can be divided into “mothers” and “fathers,” “sisters” and “brothers,” “daughters” and “sons.” As you might already guess, the “maternal-paternal” style of behavior is a tendency to be protective of a partner, a tendency to take responsibility for him. But irresponsible people are definitely “daughters” and “sons” - that is, a little infantile who tend to shift their share of life’s responsibility to their partner. The “golden mean” is “sisters” and “brothers” - but keep in mind that in real life not all people can approach the “sister-brotherly” model of relationships - not because of laziness or stupidity, but simply because they change their inner essence is almost unreal.

So, an irresponsible man is, of course, a “son”. He cannot change, so “Beautiful and Successful” will not give advice on re-education.

In this situation, you should take an objective look at yourself and understand who you are – “mother”, “sister” or “daughter”?

The ideal option is if there is a female “mother” with the “son”. Such a couple can be quite harmonious for many years- after all, it is quite natural and not even particularly difficult for the “mother” to take on most of the responsibility and even control the partner-“son” so that he fulfills his obligations. Yes, this is not exactly a textbook situation, and many “gurs” argue that this situation is definitely bad - but in reality it is neither bad nor good. It's just vital. Such couples exist, have been and will be, and they are even better together than any other combination of behavioral types.
A woman “sister” is responsible enough in herself not to require her “son” to take care of her, and if necessary, she can take on a man’s share of responsibility. But if this need arises too often, then the “sister” may rebel, she may get tired of dragging her infantile “son” through life - after all, she usually needs an independent adult “brother” or even a strong, authoritarian “father”! In general, if you recognize yourself in the image of a “sister”, we advise you to think hard about how much patience you have?..
Couples “daughter” and “son” usually suffer greatly in life due to the irresponsibility of both, but... Either such a couple quickly breaks up after the first troubles, or “adult children” get along precisely because of their similarity with each other. They may have a mess in their home, a bunch of unresolved issues and an eternal financial crisis, solved by odd jobs - but if both do not make excessive demands on each other and, in principle, come to terms with this way of life that is natural for both, then their union may turn out to be surprisingly long!

In general, if you happen to encounter male irresponsibility, we advise you not to blame yourself and not to re-educate the man, but simply decide - can and do you want to continue a relationship with him, like this? And if you are inclined to answer “no,” then most likely you are absolutely right - after all, every woman has the right to choose better man for yourself!

Good day.

The best example is my own.

You cannot change a man and his feelings (attitude towards you), but you can change yourself and your life. You can make yourself happy, and accordingly make everyone around you happy.

If you make yourself better, develop yourself comprehensively, make yourself happy with your own hands by realizing some of your ideas, projects, desires, goals, dreams. If you enjoy life, its moments, and are grateful to fate for everything that is in your life, for all the experiences, lessons, and experiences. Then perhaps the man will want to change with you.

Remember; Only action generates results.

“The only person you should compare yourself to is your past self. And the only person you should be better than is who you are now.” Sigmund Freud

“Falling is part of life, rising to your feet is living it. To be alive is a gift, and to be happy is your choice.”

Bring variety, creativity, hobbies, sports, yoga, dancing, music, running, meditation into your life, healthy image life. Anything, everything that your soul is for, everything that you would do with pleasure with love, everything that pleases your soul.

And then the quality of your life will change, and you will be happy regardless of what and who thinks about you. You will be happy regardless of anything or anyone.

“First become solitary. Start enjoying yourself first. First become so truly happy that it will not matter if no one comes to you; you are full, overflowing. Even if no one knocks on your door, it's still okay - you're not missing out on anything. You don't expect anyone to come and knock on your door. You are home. If someone comes to you, good, great. If no one comes, that’s also good and wonderful.”

If this understanding becomes the quality of your life, then you can enter into new relationships. Then you will be able to share, give, without demanding anything in return. Now you can do it as a whole harmonious personality, at ease, but not like a slave. Like an emperor, but not like a beggar."

“Until love is born in you, it cannot warm anyone. First become a light for yourself, then your light will begin to shine for others.”

If you are in harmony with yourself, everything that surrounds you will be in harmony.

Regarding the irresponsibility of men. Think about it for a moment. All this time you tried to fit him into the frame, to make him get up on time and go out on time. And so on in a circle. Maybe it's worth stopping? Stop being responsible for others? Perhaps you will begin to arrange your life, and allow others to build theirs? Is it possible that because of you, a man has no responsibility, since you shift everything onto yourself and your shoulders? Perhaps the man doesn’t like or hate what he does?

Whatever is easy is right.

You are swimming against the current, it is higher than you, stronger than you. You have loaded yourself with an unbearable burden.

P.S. Please remember to appreciate the time, work, and efforts of psychologists. Leave a rating - “best answer”. To the answer you like. Thanks in advance.

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A man with whom it is impossible to build normal, happy family, gives itself away in the first months of acquaintance, if you look carefully. Having discovered in the chosen one obvious signs of one of the following 9 types of men, you should not hope that he will change and trust his self-promotion and promises. This man is not just “not ideal” or has “flaws”, but is generally incapable of normal relationships. Only disappointment and pain await him... Do you need it?

What should you be wary of in a man?

1. Signs of a flighty romantic or swindler

Before you even get to know each other, he already declares his love and proposes? Romantic! But think for yourself: will a person who understands what family and responsibility are, or that relationships mean deep intimacy, propose to a practically unknown girl under the influence of sudden charm? Such frivolity is more typical of an immature, infantile man. This is also how scammers behave, hoping to trick you as quickly as possible, which is also not easier.

Even if he doesn’t turn out to be a marriage swindler, still, at the slightest difficulty, he will just as easily give up his intentions, and in general he hardly imagines what it’s like. serious relationship, twisted in . He is not ready to cope with difficulties. Such men usually easily make a lot of promises and take on a lot of obligations, trying to impress and assuring them of their reliability.

But truly reliable people very rarely make promises after carefully weighing first whether they can actually keep them. And more often than not they promise, but do.

2. Signs of an alcoholic (aka gamer or other drug addict)

This is not about the fact that he will have a bottle of beer after work or sometimes play a shooter game, although this should be alarming, but about dependencies with all that it implies. People of a certain psychological type (dependent personality disorder) are prone to drug addiction, with which it is unrealistic to build a normal family. Even if such a person does not use, he prefers to avoid problems instead of solving them, and is also fundamentally not responsible for his actions.

During the candy-bouquet period, you may not know that he likes to drink or hangs out in games for days. How to determine such a tendency? Listen to how and what he says. Such a man often talks about himself in the passive voice or uses impersonal figures of speech, such as: “It so happened”, “They brought me to it”, “I was forced”, “I was unlucky” - that is, he always finds the reason for what happens to him and what he does, not in himself, but in something or someone else. This is a future (or already real) alcoholic, or at least infantile person, with whom you will have to babysit.

Even if he extols her, chanting her “divine” qualities, supposedly inaccessible to a man, he still does not recognize her as a person, categorically refusing her “male” compensation. This will manifest itself more clearly as soon as he considers that some woman does not live up to the standards of a “goddess” - she immediately becomes a “goat”, unworthy of human relations.

A man who despises women in principle, considers them “second-class” and is capable of being rude to them, will eventually treat you the same way, no matter how much he initially assures you that you are “special” and not like those “goats”. Naturally, you can immediately say goodbye to a man if he lets slip about how he hit (pushed, threatened, humiliated - and thus put it in place) one of your exes, if you don’t want to walk around with bruises.

Everything a man accuses his ex of will then be addressed to you!

5. Signs of a boor

A boor is a person who is unable to respect others: their interests, opinions, personal space. Such a person always does not respect himself - and this cannot be cured. It will not be possible to force a boor to make an exception for you personally. Worse, rudeness over the course of life will turn into outright rudeness, even to the use of force, especially with children. During the courtship period, he can be gallant and helpful. But this courtesy is ostentatious, and not born of sincere attention, and in small things he will still give himself away.

Be wary if a man: is late without warning, “forgets” your requests and warnings, does not take care of his appearance, reaches out and tries to kiss when you don’t want it, laughing overcoming your weak resistance - such a man is often convinced that a woman's "no" is "yes" and acts in accordance with this “truth”.

But the easiest way to recognize a boor is in relationships with other people. If he throws dust in your eyes, then he will not stand on ceremony with others. Look at how he behaves with taxi drivers, waiters, in line, how he talks with his friends, and especially with those with whom he is in conflict. It is in conflict that boor manifests itself in all its glory! A person who respects himself and others will never cross certain boundaries - he will not insult, humiliate, be rude... A boor keeps himself within limits only while everything is fine and when circumstances force him.

6. Signs of a domestic tyrant

Does a man like to talk about “a woman should”? Speaks: “I need such and such a woman - and you’re just the right one.”? Here it is too obvious that such a person is not capable of building relationships - he needs a servant and a cook and someone to boss around... Perhaps he will even himself do what a man “should” do, but he is not interested in either you as a person or your feelings and interests. And you won't be interested. Are you ready for this?

It happens that at first the tyrant disguises himself. He is emphatically respectful of your freedom and choice, while avoiding expressing his desires and preferences. This should be alarming. If a person truly respects another, he expects the same respect for himself - and he will not only ask about your desires, but also voice his own in order to come to a mutual agreement, and will not fuss, trying to shift responsibility.

A normal person is not afraid of conflicts of interest, being able to resolve conflicts without going beyond mutual respect. The tyrant, at first, can avoid any conflicts, knowing behind himself that he will not be able to hide his essence. Instead, he will expect (even demand in the depths of his soul) that those close to him “guess themselves” about his needs, and will be offended by those who are slow-witted, accusing them of inattention and indifference.

He may say: “As you say!”, “Everything is for you,” because he does not believe in the possibility that it is possible to reach an agreement taking into account the interests of both. He has an “either-or” scheme: “win-lose”. Sooner or later, the poles will change - and you will be required to “everything for him”; he will try to “win” at your expense.

7. Signs of an eternal bachelor

Is your chosen one the “life of the party”? These men are very attractive - they have charm, a sense of humor, etc. They have many friends and many ideas for how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with a person knowing how to relax. It’s bad when he lives only for entertainment and communication with friends. He is not interested in work, study, career growth... and family too.

What does he talk about, what is he proud of? If all conversations are based around entertainment, friends and hobbies, he has no business plans, and his highest assessment of something: “high” is a bad sign. Such a man is very jealous of his “freedom”. He may be carried away by you, but he will still keep you at a distance, and you will see for yourself that the relationship with you in his life takes ...-eleventh place. You may be able to marry him on the promise that you won't mind his friends and hobbies. But do you need it?

You will have to have fun with him and host his friends, which can be a lot of fun until the kids come. Family is not entertainment, he will be bored and hard, and he will always strive to run away to his friends, while you flop around with the child in your arms, solving all the problems yourself. And even if he’s at home, he’ll still find something to amuse himself with (he’ll hang out on social networks, for example), and you won’t get through... Even if he doesn’t run away from the “ties of marriage,” then you’ll still really be alone with her husband alive.

8. Signs of a womanizer

“You are the most beautiful of all the girls I have ever met!”- such a recognition reveals his passion for “collecting” girls. The womanizer enjoys success with women, he knows how to look after beautifully, “professionally,” but deep down he has a low opinion of women and believes that anyone can be seduced. And usually “all women are whores” with him.

He needs victories, not relationships. And after defeating you, he will get bored. And if you hear reasoning from the series: “All men are polygamous” and “We cheat only with the body - and this does not mean anything, the main thing is not with the soul,” then everything is clear with him: he will not miss the opportunity to “cheat with the body”: ) An unpleasant surprise from such a man can be unreasonable jealousy - after all, it is human nature to judge by oneself.

9. Signs of a jealous person

A jealous person, I think, is the easiest to recognize. The trouble is that women are flattered by his possessiveness at first - they think that this is love, that this is how they are distinguished from others. Although in fact, jealousy speaks of his deep lack of self-confidence. But something else is worse - a jealous man does not trust a woman and does not respect her. He does not consider her capable of choosing and being faithful to her choice. It is impossible to build normal relationships without trust, not to mention that a jealous person is simply dangerous.

A jealous man treats a woman as his property, an inanimate object. At first, this manifests itself romantically: “I won’t give you to anyone!”, “You are mine and only mine!”, “I don’t want anyone to stare at your beauty except me - wear this skirt only at home.” He may “carefully” button up the top button on your blouse in public... And when jealousy takes on threatening forms, it is already difficult to get rid of the jealous person.

How not to make a mistake in a man?

Somehow everything turns out hopelessly - there are only moral monsters all around... Do normal, worthy men even exist?! - Of course, they do happen - and not rarely! Even some of the above signs may not be a “diagnosis” - it is necessary to take into account the age and family in which the man grew up.

For example, being sociable at 16-20 years old does not necessarily mean that the young man will live for the sake of entertainment - these are simply characteristics of age. Deliberate rudeness may simply be bravado, a clumsy demonstration of “masculinity” that will also pass. Drinking and gambling does not necessarily indicate a tendency towards alcoholism, but may simply be a tribute to the company - what is important here is not the fact of drinking, but the personality type and the degree of involvement. We will talk about alcoholism later - subscribe to updates…

Of course, it's worth looking at his father and his relationship with his mother. There is a chance that a man who grew up without a father will good husband and father, if his relationship with his mother is good (healthy!) - such boys already know how to build a normal relationship with a woman, and having suffered without a father, they are unlikely to abandon their child. But if a boy grew up with an unworthy father, then the likelihood that he will reproduce his model of relationships in the family and life position is almost 100%, no matter how much he says that he does not understand and condemns his father’s behavior.

And vice versa, if his father is a worthy and decent person and his mother is happy with him, then there is hope that some negative signs that you notice in a man will disappear without a trace in the future. But if you find in your chosen one obvious signs of the above-mentioned types, and especially several at once, then you should not hope for change!

Many negative signs are interconnected and follow from one another, that is, they can be combined in one person. Jonah happens often alcoholic. Misogynist or jealous even more often - domestic tyrant. The ideology of the latter type is well expounded, for example, in the book. Having looked through it, you will unmistakably recognize men with whom you will also not be able to create a happy family - adherents of this teaching.

However, it is useless to try to understand men and memorize the signs of unworthy men without solving your problems. Who and why do we choose? If your personal life is always unsuccessful, you come across only the heroes of this article, and you don’t even believe that there are others, but you hope to heal them with your “love” or simply humbly endure, considering this to be “a woman’s lot,” then the problem is with you themselves. But this can be fixed—I recommend, for example, that you read the book and start sweeping out the “cockroaches” that lead you into an unhealthy relationship.

If it seems that he deceived you, pretended to be a “prince”, and then turned out to be a “monster” - it seems. Nobody pretends - a person always reveals himself with the best side when he falls in love. And we all tend to unconsciously demonstrate qualities that are directly opposite to shortcomings. But that’s why we close our eyes to the “bells”, joyfully believing in the initial demonstration and immediately starting to dream about family and children - a good question. Most often because the man’s personality is of little interest.