My husband doesn't leave but kicks me out. What conspiracies to kick your husband out of the house

21.09.202027.05.2017

It is believed that every woman, unless she is an inveterate feminist, dreams of marriage and, moreover, is ready to achieve her goal by hook or by crook.

This is probably true. But what to do if events unfold exactly the opposite: there is a husband, but the “happy” wife doesn’t know how she’s tired of him! - get rid of. Feelings have long gone somewhere, but there is no sense in everyday life from him, forgive me for the prose of life. You are already telling him directly: “Leave for God’s sake!”, but he refuses: “I won’t leave - this is my home, my children, and, it seems, I still love you!” And what do you want to do with this? A relationship expert talks about how to get rid of a disgusted husband psychologist Vadim Kolesnikov.

Contrary to biological laws

In itself, such a situation, when a wife kicks out her husband, disrupts the usual course of things and seems unnatural from the point of view of biological laws. According to the latter, a woman tries in every possible way to keep a man - be it a husband or boyfriend - near her. For this she has wisdom, cunning, life experience and other psychological tricks and “devices.”

A man violates biological laws when, instead of an energetic cat who walks on his own, he turns into a lazy, fat and well-fed cat, who under no circumstances wants to leave his home. This one won’t just go away, so there are at least three reliable ways to give it some speed. By the way, they can be used not only to get rid of an old – in the sense of the duration of the relationship – hateful husband, but also, for example, to get rid of an obsessive and annoying admirer.

If you want to kick the cat out of the house, get a dog

During a date, this method says: tired of your gentleman, start openly flirting with someone else. And if you want to kick an old cat out of the house, get a dog: what could be worse for a member of the feline family than the appearance on its territory of a young dog, barking cheerfully and joyfully wagging its tail? Especially if the old cat, like the old husband, is accustomed not so much to you as to the house in which he lives, and does not want to leave it. In this case, the woman needs a real romance: the appearance of a young and energetic lover will help solve the problem in a radical way.

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Don't drink his stinking cocktail!

All girls know: if on a date with a man you drink a cocktail that he treats you to, then you should be prepared for the fact that your meeting will end in his bed. If you don't want to go to bed, don't drink his stinking cocktail.

IN family life This rule means: do not run a common household with the husband you want to separate from. Each of you should have your own shelf in the refrigerator, your own toothpaste in the bathroom and your own bed. Don't ask him to take you to the store, vacuum your apartment, or serve you coffee in bed. And then - sooner or later - it will dawn on him that he is superfluous in your life.

“What, is he still here?!”

To get rid of young man during a date, you need to start saying stupid things - it’s been proven that no man can stand it for long. Moreover, you can talk any nonsense, the principle works here: the worse, the better.

A husband, unlike a boyfriend, will not run away from verbal nonsense, even the most blatant, so he must be influenced by actions. For example, every day invite friends to your house, who will poke their noses everywhere, discuss out loud his dubious merits and numerous shortcomings and ask in surprise: “Why, is he still here?!” It is unlikely that you will have to “persuad” him for a long time.

Alexandra Voloshina

Hello, dear readers. There may come a time in the life of any girl when she realizes that it is time to leave her husband and move on with her life. In such a situation, the question arises: what to do if you are currently occupying a common territory. In this article you will learn how to kick your husband out of the house if he doesn’t leave. Let's talk separately about a common-law spouse and a person who abuses alcohol.

Eviction methods

If you are thinking about evicting your husband, then you need to understand that there are two ways to solve this problem.

Voluntary. The woman must convey to the man the essence of the current situation, explain that it will be much worse if the matter goes to court. He must realize that he will still lose, but money will be spent on a lawyer, court costs, and he still won’t stay in the apartment for long. This option is appropriate if the apartment belongs to a woman and the man has no rights to it.
Forced. Such eviction is possible by court decision if the claim was filed by the owner of the living space.

Possible methods

If you are struck by the thought “I want to kick my husband out of the house, but I don’t know what to do,” then you can use one of the options below.

Do everything to make your spouse feel out of place in the apartment. Deny him attention, sleep in different beds. Prepare only those dishes that you like, do not take into account his preferences. Don't ask him to go shopping or help with housework. See yourself as if you don't notice him.
Stop being affectionate with your husband, communicate with him dryly, and do not fulfill requests. Invite your friends over more often. Let them express their surprise that the man still lives in this apartment. Discuss his shortcomings with them.
Do everything to lower your self-esteem ex-lover. Say that he earns too little, that he is a complete nonentity in bed. Give examples of other people who are more successful, beautiful, strong. However, a woman must be prepared for the fact that behaving in this way will hurt a man’s pride. A man may flare up in response and...
The most radical method is the appearance of a new man in a woman’s life. It is unlikely that the spouse will be able to tolerate the rival. Only if he has completely lost his self-respect.
Some wives manage to introduce their husbands to another woman. They do this so that she will lure him into her network and lure him into her home.

It is unacceptable to throw away your husband's things or damage them in any way, otherwise you will be held accountable before the law.

If the spouse is common-law

In a situation where a woman breaks up with a man with whom she lived in her living space and did not have a legal union, he must voluntarily leave the occupied space.
In the case when a girl manages to register a gentleman in her apartment, but he does not have his own living space, the court decides to give the person the right to use this housing for a certain period of time. There are a number of situations that will influence the former partner’s ability to remain in the apartment:

the man does not have his own home and cannot rent it;
presence of disability, serious health problems;
pension status or advanced age;
the presence of dependents who are registered with him;
the court will find that conditions were created for the person that were unbearable for living.

The trial will consider the time limit civil marriage, will take into account the evidence presented by both parties, including witness statements that will influence final decision court

If the apartment belongs to the wife

In case of divorce, the man has no right to this living space. If the ex-husband continues to stay in an apartment that does not belong to him, the woman has the right to apply for eviction to the court. At the same time, the man also has the right to file a counterclaim in which he will ask for ex-wife provided him with other housing or allowed him to use this apartment. This is possible if it was registered at the time the apartment was privatized or the man pays alimony.

A woman will be able to evict her husband much faster if he does not have a share in the property rights, a written agreement that specifies the procedure for using the housing, or a marriage contract.

If the husband drinks

Getting rid of relatives who abuse alcohol, in particular those who abuse alcohol, is not easy, but it is quite possible. The main thing is that a woman must make a firm decision and not back down from it, no matter how hard it is for her. The psychology of men who drink regularly is quite complex, and parting with such a person is very difficult.

Firstly, difficulties may arise due to the fact that there is a feeling that love is still in the heart. The man is very dear, despite the fact that he has become pathetic and sank to the very bottom. But, in fact, you love not this person, but the way he was before. By and large, you live on memories.
Secondly, a woman may feel shame and believe that she is giving away her loved one. You should not think that a man will be lost without you, will not survive, no one else will help him. In fact, these thoughts are destructive. Only he himself can help a drinking person when he realizes his problem and begins to fight it.
A woman may feel guilty if there are children growing up in the house. She believes that by her action she is depriving them of their father. There must be a realization that no dad is better than this. And why should the growing generation see such an example before their eyes?
A wife may feel sorry for a man if he promises that he will give up alcohol and start living a new life. You must understand that if these are just words that are not followed by any actions, then the man is simply trying to keep you. He does this not because he loves and is afraid of losing, but because it is convenient for him to be with a person who cares and looks after him.

If an alcoholic husband lives in a woman’s apartment, then it is quite easy to kick him out the door. However, what to do if a woman is not the sole owner of the living space. In such a situation, one cannot do without consulting a qualified lawyer specializing in such cases.

In fact, there are four possible options development, depending on whose ownership the apartment is located.

Completely owned by his wife. For a woman this is the most best option. She can easily kick a man out of her apartment, change the locks and not let him in. You just need to remember humanity, understand that you can kick a person out when he has somewhere to go.
The apartment is fully owned by the spouse. In such a situation, the woman must leave herself.
Apartment in municipal property. In such a situation, you will have to go to court. A woman must write a statement that the man leads an asocial life, provide witnesses who will confirm this, in particular, if there is a threat to health or life (yours or your children). In such a situation, either the eviction of the man or a forced exchange will take place.
The apartment is in common ownership. The spouses can either sell it to split the money equally, or exchange it for two separate areas with an additional payment. In such a situation, it is important to come to an agreement with the man and not do anything behind his back.

An alcoholic, after selling his property, can drink away the money he receives and crawl to his ex-wife to ask for help. Therefore, it is desirable that someone controls this process, and the man gets some kind of housing.

Procedure

When you decide to evict your husband through court, you must:

Submit an application drawn up in the presence of a lawyer.
Attach documents that will confirm ownership.
Provide papers that indicate divorce.
Provide compelling reasons why the man should be evicted.
Pay the state fee.

At the eviction trial, attention will be paid to the following points:

who purchased housing;
whether the man took part in privatization;
whether he has an alternative place to live;
The testimony of witnesses is taken into account.

There are cases when a decision is made in favor of the husband.

The trial may end with a decision:

about property division;
eviction of a man;
providing the defendant with living space;
providing a deferment for the loss of the right to use;
refusal of eviction.

Peculiarities

After a divorce, a man who has a residence permit in a certain living space may be evicted if the following situations occur:

door breaking;
battery;
breaking windows.

Such actions by a man are regarded as illegal, and he is prosecuted.

In a situation where a woman decides to evict her husband from a living space that is not her personal property, it is necessary:

provision of certificates confirming the beating;
evidence from neighbors who confirm that the man has not lived in this living space for a long time;
non-payment of utility bills;
frequent calls to the ambulance and the police - if a man commits unlawful acts;
eyewitness accounts that the husband led an antisocial lifestyle, there was constant drinking and drug use.

If, despite frequent calls, the police do not react in any way to the man’s behavior, you need to contact the prosecutor’s office for help. It is important when filing a claim in court to have factual evidence, preferably documents that confirm for what reasons the spouse should be evicted.

Possible errors

It is unacceptable to use blackmail. You need to understand that this person was once your favorite, and you must treat him with respect. If a woman stoops to threats and begins to put pressure on weaknesses her ex-partner, she is acting immorally.
You cannot harm your spouse in any way. Whatever emotions overwhelm you, you must contain them. Don’t even think about damaging his clothes or documents.
It is unacceptable to involve family and friends in your divorce process. A woman must figure everything out on her own. You don't need to listen to anyone's advice.
Kick your husband out of the apartment without warning, even if it is your own. This will be vile, especially if the man does not even realize that they want to divorce him. If you see that you cannot continue to live with this man, then you must offer him some alternative option or at least inform the man in advance so that he can figure out where to move.
If a girl has made a decision, she is ready to get a divorce and never see her husband in her apartment again, then you should not maintain a romantic relationship, much less agree to sex.

A woman should treat her husband humanely, have a heart-to-heart talk with him, explain her position, find out her husband’s opinion and tell him hers.

How to get over a breakup

No matter how much a woman wants to kick her husband out of the apartment, she will still experience pain and sadness after he finally leaves. After all, this is a man whom she loved very much, with whom she planned to live her whole life. This man became like family to her. What to do, how can it be easier to cope with the pain of loss?

Burn all your bridges. In such a situation, it is better not to agree to remain friends. Let your relationship be business, but not friendly, even if there is joint activities. It’s good if you can get rid of all the things that remind you of your spouse. It’s better to rearrange the apartment or start renovations.
A woman who turns her husband out should not feel guilty. Especially if she is left alone with the children.
Now you have more free time, devote it to yourself, go to a beauty salon, visit a massage, sign up for a dance class or a gym.

Now you know how to kick your husband out of the house. Remember that you cannot drive a person out onto the street, no matter how low he sinks. But you shouldn’t endure beatings or constant drinking, especially if they happen in front of children. When dealing with an eviction issue, enlist the help of an experienced lawyer who has experience in such cases.

In answer to this question, I suggest you look at various options your actions through the eyes of strangers. I'll try to show this with an example.

Let's say you found out that your husband has a mistress, caused a scandal, packed your things, took the child and went to your parents with your head held high. What can we do in in this case be proud? Your strong character? Very unlikely. After all, if you had a really strong character, then maybe you wouldn’t have married such a problematic man at all. (Who went on drinking bouts, smoked drugs, beat or insulted you, cheated on you or left you when you were still friends.) Or, knowing your integrity, your husband would not take risks at all by playing the hero-lover. Or, upon learning of the betrayal, you yourself would immediately file for divorce, without communicating with your husband until you receive a certificate of divorce. And only then did they resolve issues regarding the division of property and the regime of communication between the husband and the child. Therefore, if you rashly left your family home, and then cooled down and decided to forgive your husband and save the family, one thing is certain: after some time you will have to return back home. If by this moment your husband himself has not yet invited you to your family home, then your unexpected return home certainly cannot be called a triumphal procession. It will not testify to your victory at all, but only to your inconsistency and self-doubt. And your references to the fact that you agreed to reconcile with your husband for the sake of the children will only make your spouse and everyone around you smile. After all, everyone around is far from fools. They will clearly understand that this explanation is just a fig leaf to cover up your defeat in the family battle.
Moreover, it will not be just a defeat, but a defeat with far-reaching consequences.

Firstly, Having first sheltered you when you left your husband, and then seeing that you returned to him on your own initiative, your parents will draw the logical conclusion that you yourself do not know what you want. Accordingly, they will understand that there is definitely no need to criticize your unlucky husband, much less quarrel with him. You will make peace with him tomorrow, but he will still have a grudge against your parents. Therefore, in the next conflict situations in your family, they will think ten times whether to help you. So with one awkward move you lose a very serious, promising and long-term ally.

It is also important that, by falling on the heads of your obviously not young parents, devoting them to your unpleasant family history, you make them nervous and worried. Thus, you steal months and years of their life from them. I don’t think it’s a good idea to shorten the lifespan of your loved ones, especially your parents.

Secondly, leaving your living space to your husband, you create for him comfortable conditions. He has all your documents in his hands, and in the legal vicissitudes of a possible divorce, this is very important. He can meet his mistress on his territory. His life schedule will not worsen in any way: he goes to work and lives as usual. But you hang around other people’s apartments, which is clearly not comme il faut and certainly does not add to your mental fortitude. You also lose the ability to control your husband: where and what time he came and left, sober or not.

Thirdly, the husband gets a serious trump card: from now on he can claim that, without living at home, in conditions of opacity for your husband, you yourself began to cheat. Perhaps you have cheated before, and your husband’s betrayal simply allowed you to move on from a sick head to a less painful one and act more legally. After all, your parents will always provide you with the necessary alibi. You will never be able to fully justify yourself from this. Keep this in mind.

Fourth, your child suffers from the rush to leave home. Emergency flight from home with things (especially at night), temporary disruption of sleep, eating, visiting patterns kindergarten or school, scolding from mom and dad, harsh conversations from mom to grandparents, etc., etc. will never be erased from childhood memories and will have one or another adverse effect on the formation of the psyche of a developing person.

Fifthly, after you return home (especially if your husband did not call you, even if he called you), your spouse will now be sure that he can continue to cheat on you, since you will still break and come back. After all, the fact is obvious: with all your harshness, in the end we can come to an agreement with you! And without any special difficulties.

It's easiest to talk down to those who are on their knees.

As you can see, everything connected with your leaving home, months and years later, will be rethought and turned over again and again, and the meaning of what is happening will be radically distorted. What’s most offensive is that it’s far from being in your favor. I hope that I have convinced you that leaving your family home in the event of a serious conflict with your husband is absolutely unacceptable.

Now I will describe to you the main scenarios of your initial actions after discovering your husband’s infidelity.
Scenario 1. The wife is ready to forgive her husband’s betrayal, and he promptly admits his guilt and repents. This option (with all our regret from the betrayal that happened) can and should be considered optimal. Of course, none of the spouses should go anywhere, as this will technically complicate the process of negotiations and reconciliation. More details about this in the next chapter.

Scenario 2. Having discovered her husband’s infidelity, the wife absolutely decides to divorce. In this case, you can kick out an unfaithful husband if he behaves provocatively (threatens, drinks) and he still has to leave her after the divorce: the apartment either belongs to the woman herself (her relatives), or is joint property acquired in marriage, subject to further division. In the latter case, since in 99% of a hundred possible children under 12 years of age remain after a divorce from their mother, a woman with a child has an advantage in the amount of living space and the choice of place of residence.

If the apartment clearly belongs to the husband (bought by him before marriage or registered in the name of his relatives), kicking out an unfaithful husband is fundamentally wrong. Firstly, he will still return to it as the rightful owner. Secondly, by driving the legal owner out onto the street, the wife risks losing moral support from relatives and family friends. They can easily form the belief that the entire wedding, family life and the birth of children were planned by an overly cunning and insidious wife only in order to solve the notorious “ housing issue" Some of them may even suggest that there really was no betrayal of the husband: the wife herself came up with it all (or even set it up!) in order to throw the man out of his property. In fact, she herself has someone, so she is freeing up living space for him... The loss of moral support often plays a colossal role in the further history of people’s lives and should not be wasted. Especially from a judicial perspective, where loyal and positive witnesses may be needed in favor of the wife.
In addition, first throwing out an unfaithful husband and then his return almost always leads to psychological trauma for the child/children. Often a feeling of pity and a certain sympathy is formed even for such dads who are real sadists and alcoholics. In my practice, the vast majority of those divorce cases where a child, after reaching the age of 12-14 years (when, according to the law, he himself has the right to determine his place of deployment) insisted on living with his father and this was confirmed by the court, took place precisely in those cases where the wife beat and kicked out her unfaithful husband. As you understand, such court decisions were a painful blow for these women. I don't think you should go through this.

As for leaving the family nest for the wife who is most enraged by the behavior of her unfaithful husband (who does not apply for housing), this should be done only if she definitely has somewhere to go, while maintaining more or less comfortable conditions for the child to live: in her own apartment or guest house , to parents, girlfriends, to service housing, a hostel, etc. Or she has money with which she can urgently rent a tolerable apartment. However, I will also express my opinion as a psychologist.

If a husband cheats, neither the wife nor the husband should
Leave the apartment or kick out your partner.

Even in the case when the partners seem to have already made a fundamental decision to divorce. Firstly, because more than half of those husbands and wives who claim that they have made “the very, very thrice final decision about divorce”, in fact, then reconcile and move on. Secondly, husband and wife have equal rights to the living space where their family lives, and practice shows that everything in life should be done honestly. Thirdly, living separately always makes it difficult to collect personal belongings for starting life in a new place and documents for the divorce procedure. Fourthly, this prevents the negotiation process itself between husband and wife to determine their future relationship after divorce. Fifthly, and this is the most important thing, running back and forth has a bad effect on the psyche of children. It should always be protected first. Because if parents lack rationality in making decisions and consistency in their strict implementation, only they themselves should be responsible for this, and not their innocent children.

Therefore, I always tell conflicting spouses: Departure from the place of family residence should be done only in three cases:

– after the civil registry office or the magistrate’s court makes a decision to terminate the marriage between these spouses;

– in the event of a clear danger to the life and health of one of the family members, if the husband or wife are alcoholics, drug addicts, psychopaths or criminals, and are prone to grab a weapon or cause bodily harm in some other way;

- in the case of that pre-prepared demonstration and educational trip of the wife, which was already specifically described in Chapter 12.

Scenario 3. The unfaithful husband, caught in treason, decides to divorce and leaves the family home himself. Where exactly he goes - to another woman, to his parents, to the office, to the garage, and also whether he is the owner of the living space from which he leaves - is completely unimportant. The important thing is that the wife should categorically neither force her husband to provide this care nor help him pack his things! Why? Yes, simply because the spouses can reconcile in the future, and the wife will be considered the possible “destroyer” of this family, in the opinion of the husband, children, as well as all friends and relatives!

I draw your attention to a certain paradox: In public opinion, adultery is not always considered a significant reason for the destruction of a family, but the expulsion of one spouse from the other from the place of common residence is definitely considered as such. This is because the fact of adultery still needs to be proven to everyone for a long time and tediously, and the fact of eviction of a spouse with things from the family nest is always obvious. And immediately assumptions are born that the eviction was carried out with the aim of taking over the abandoned movable and immovable property, as well as moving their own “left” partner into the empty apartment as soon as possible. However, this has already been discussed.

Scenario 4. An unfaithful husband, caught in treason, decides to divorce and throws his wife out onto the street (often with children). In this case, the majority of men who act in this way commit this action either in a state of passion or while intoxicated. Almost all of them subsequently bitterly regret this shameful act. However, in this case, I oppose both the wife’s leaving home and her expulsion of her husband. I'll explain why. It's about two things. Firstly, no matter how strongly the husband and wife believe that they are definitely breaking up this time forever, they can then make peace and even have more children. Secondly, my long-term observations clearly indicate:

In couples where, as a result of family conflicts, husbands and wives
Leaving home, the process of sorting things out and running around
The back and forth becomes repetitive and eternal.

Regardless of who exactly left and where, after reconciliation, a clear understanding is formed in the minds of the spouses that this form of action - leaving and coming as a form of clarification of relationships, is normal and even leads to positive results. From this moment on, demonstrative departures and no less demonstrative evictions of each other become an important part of family life. Whether a family life where spouses behave this way can be considered happy, I leave it to you to think for yourself.

Therefore, returning to the topic of conversation, I will express my firm conviction that if suddenly an unfaithful husband begins to throw out his wife who has caught him cheating, she should immediately turn to relatives and the police for help. If there are small children - also to the organs social protection, guardianship and prosecutor's office. I am convinced that, regardless of whether there are children in a given couple or not, whose property is the family living space, the termination of the spouses’ cohabitation should occur only after the legal registration of the divorce. Or before its implementation, but taking into account the planned move of one of the couple to pre-prepared square meters. If there is a child/children in the family, then there is nothing to talk about here at all: all Russian legislation is on the side of the mother. She should live in the family nest until the divorce!

My work experience clearly shows that if a wife is able to firmly express her position, so to speak, “not being expelled from her own family home,” if she rings all the bells and appeals to all authorities, then even very daring, wealthy and influential infidels husbands are unable to carry out their illegal intentions. If your husband, being in a state of acute mental imbalance (in a state of passion from a quarrel with you or being immersed in alcohol or drug intoxication), begins to kick you and your child out of the house, then I recommend doing the following:

– Be sure to enable the voice recorder function on your mobile phone to record this conversation. You can even ask your husband to clearly repeat his position and argue the reason for your expulsion. Referring to the fact that in the future your joint child must know exactly who and why kicked him (her) out of his parents' house.

– Invite the husband to write his demand in writing and certify the phrase “I demand that my wife and child immediately leave the apartment at the address...” with a personal signature. So that no one will go back on their words later.

Practice shows that the majority of men, even those who are not entirely adequate, having received these requests from their wife and realizing that the consequences of this act on his part will affect and be dealt with by him not just for years, but for a lifetime (the recorded fact of expelling a wife and child is a shame and the source of difficulties in communicating with the child and grandparents, even their own), quickly come to their senses and no longer kick anyone out.

I’ll say more: even if your husband recorded his words on your phone or wrote it in the form of a written order, this is not at all a reason to go anywhere. Just in this case, there is no need to go anywhere! For a husband who abruptly and unexpectedly, without prior approval of alternative housing, kicks his wife and child out of the house is not a man! You shouldn’t stand on ceremony with such men; it’s time for you to contact the police.

Most often, an angry man cools down during the process of you calling the police, or (if you don’t have a phone) after you start screaming loudly and calling your neighbors. If cooling does not occur, then sooner or later the police will arrive. The main thing is that you still manage to actually call it. In this sense, I do not advise you to do as women who are frightened but consider themselves very cunning often do. In front of an angry husband, they only pretend that they are calling the police and making a call, but in reality they are just imitating. When half an hour/hour passes and no one comes home, or the husband takes his wife’s phone and finds no traces of a call in it, most often the woman has a hard time. And the opportunity to make a second, now real call to the police may no longer present itself. A twice-angry and inadequate husband can cause quite significant harm to his wife (and even his child).

Hence two simple advice. If a wife begins an acute and conflictual conversation with her husband, whose behavior can get out of control and turn out to be dangerous to life and health, she should either hide her mobile phone in advance somewhere in a secret place so that it will not be taken away from her, and she I could have time to make a life-saving call. Or stock up on a second phone in advance (say, take it from a child), duplicating the first one. Or immediately agree with one of your close friends so that she calls at the agreed time (for example, in an hour). If you don't pick up the phone, it will automatically call the police or local police officer. Quite often, a call from a friend or relative turns out to be that saving intermission, a pause in the conflict, after which peace of mind returns to the parties, and their conversation about the fate of the family enters a calmer direction.

At the end of this point I will give three more useful advice: No matter how unexpected and painful it was for you when you found out about your husband’s infidelity or his desire to leave the family and file for divorce, if you consider your husband a dangerous person, I strongly recommend:

– Do not have a hasty and deliberately conflictual conversation about the prospects of your relationship late in the evening or at night. I know dozens of tragic stories when men and women who hastily ran away from home at night became victims of criminals and various fatal accidents.

– Do not have a hasty and deliberately conflictual conversation about the prospects of your relationship when one of your couple (or both people at once) is under stress (for example, from yesterday’s dismissal, today’s unpleasant conversation at work, an accident or a major loss) or alcohol or drug excitement. Remember that most of the deaths and injuries of husbands and wives are the result of dialogue in precisely these circumstances.

– Do not have a hasty and deliberately conflictual conversation about the prospects of your relationship in the presence of your children. As a serious practitioner, I am always sincerely outraged by the position of many women, expressed in phrases like: “I deliberately started a quarrel when there was a child at home. After all, only the presence of my daughter/son is the best insurance for me that I won’t be beaten or killed! And so, without a child, alone in the apartment, I’m afraid of my husband...” It is with this approach that thousands (yes, yes, thousands!) of children suffer severe psychological and often physical injuries every day in our country. These childhood stresses are then difficult to compensate for. Psychologists cannot always eliminate these consequences completely. In addition, practice shows that if the husband is truly insane, then children are not a serious obstacle to his violence. After all, a child under 16-18 years of age is not able to give a serious rebuff to an enraged and to a strong man. As a result of such feminine cunning, not only you, but also your to a loved one– to your child. How will you then look into the eyes of a beaten child is a big question...

And in general, the very formulation of the question seems to me truly wild. When you desperately wanted to get married, weren’t you afraid of your husband? Most likely not. And even if they were afraid, they knew all the more what they were getting into. And exposing the child, who is absolutely not to blame for the fact that the mother hastily and incorrectly married the wrong person, as a shield, is categorically wrong! Everyone must bear their own cross. Your husband is your problem and no one else’s! Not your parents and certainly not your children! If you think that your husband is lost in life, has gone in the wrong direction, find the time and courage to talk openly with him about it, without dragging into a dangerous conversation those who are clearly not to blame for what happened.

And finally, about the police. Its employees openly admit that much more than real criminals, they are annoyed by their wives, who first call the police and file statements against their spouses, and then they themselves run to investigators and local police officers with a request to stop the case. I strongly advise that if you really saw a real danger for yourself in the behavior of your spouse, then by calling the local police officer in the future, do not prevent him from taking explanatory notes from your spouse and imposing fines. No matter how your spouse puts pressure on you. Believe me: comprehensive preventive work carried out by law enforcement agencies against scandalous and dangerous men turns out to be many times more effective than letting the incident go unnoticed. In the first case, the family is either preserved or destroyed (for completely different reasons), but no one else suffers. In the second, there are always numerous repeated cases of scandals and domestic violence, almost always ending in injuries, murders and actual prison terms. Draw your own conclusions.

Scenario 5. After discovering her husband's infidelity, neither the husband nor the wife clearly decision taken about divorce or reconciliation. This is a very common situation. I think that you yourself understand: in this situation, it is neither appropriate to kick out an unfaithful husband, nor to leave on your own! After all, if a wife throws out her unfaithful husband, and then after two or three days (or even two or three hours) repents for her haste and begins to call him back home, then this man:

– Firstly, he may fundamentally not return to the family hearth (especially if he and his mistress prepared for this fateful moment for a long time and in detail), emphasizing and insisting that his wife herself threw him out, and the husband is not at all a little boy to run there and back on her first command. In this case, the wife risks finding herself in a very difficult situation. Especially if she herself or the departed husband trumpet everyone around that it was the wife who kicked the husband out of the house, and the facts at the wife’s disposal of her husband’s infidelity will seem to others to be clearly insufficient. As a result, the wife will be forced to humiliatingly beg her unfaithful husband to return, and he will artificially stall for time, enjoy freedom and wait for the financial noose around his wife’s neck to close so tightly that in the future she will not even dare to utter a word about her husband being with someone having fun there.

– Secondly, before returning, a cunning unfaithful husband can impose on his wife conditions due to which her family life, after overcoming the crisis, not only will not improve, but will even worsen. And the returning husband himself will clearly understand that he alone is the owner of the family.

If the wife herself, after discovering her husband’s infidelity, first rashly goes to her parents, other relatives or friends, and then after two or three days (or even two or three hours) repents for her haste, changes her mind about getting a divorce and comes back home, then this will be resemble a confession. Her husband will ask her: “Well, dear, have you decided?” Here the wife will have a choice: either continue to insist on her statements that her husband cheated on her, or offer to make peace, forget what happened and quietly move on with her life. If you continue to insist, then it is not entirely clear why the wife returned to her poor husband? If you don’t insist, then it becomes completely unclear why she herself left the family then?

So it is absolutely clear that in the absence of a decision made by the wife regarding the prospects for a future relationship with an unfaithful husband and the uncertain behavior of the husband himself (especially when he shuttles from his wife to his mistress and back), it is categorically impossible to either kick out the husband or then try to return him yourself back, or leave on your own.

What should I do if my husband begins to pack his things to leave the family? I’ll say it straight: You don’t need to dissuade your husband who cheated on you from taking this step! If your husband does not admit guilt or admits it only partially, is not rude to you and does not try to evict you, but packs his suitcase and ostentatiously leaves, you should not express tragedy either with your voice or facial expression. After listening to his apologetic confession or angry accusations against you, you say something like this: “Dear husband! Over the years of our marriage, I have grown accustomed to respecting you and your decisions. Therefore, if you think that it will be better for you, then I accept your position to live separately or leave the family. I hope that your decision was deeply thought out and justified. My child/children and I continue to value you and consider you our daddy. A delicious lunch, hot tea and support from us are always waiting for you. But if you feel good with another person, that’s your business. Forcibly, as you know, you won’t be nice. Bye!".

If the very nature of the conversation is such that it is obvious to you that your husband is gradually leading you to sob and make an attempt to keep him from leaving, I advise you not to succumb to this. Because immediately after the wife’s phrase: “Darling, don’t go, maybe we can overcome all this together!”, the entire further conversation and all the wife’s claims to her husband lose all meaning. An unfaithful husband automatically turns into the master of the situation and walks around the apartment like a nog. Which is quite logical: “If you need me so much, let’s end all this stupid and dangerous talk! Trust me, dear, and everything will be fine with us.” At the same time, who it is – “everything will be fine with us”, with his wife or with his mistress, is still a big question.

With this form of express reconciliation, “the wife broke down morally and forgave everything even when she actually didn’t forgive, but was simply afraid to be left alone,” real peace rarely comes in the family. Most unfaithful husbands, not being fools, are aware that their wife is still in pain, and this pain will sooner or later make itself felt. Working proactively, they either move on to the systematic complete moral suppression of the wife, so that in the future she would not even dare to utter a word about some kind of betrayal of her husband, or they actively collect all material and financial resources into a fist in order to carry out the divorce as planned and with the best possible results. outcome for your loved one.

Therefore, in such an ambiguous situation, a smart wife just needs to be silent for a while. And the answer to all the questions of the departing sly man is monosyllabic: “You started this whole mess yourself - sort it out yourself!” When you went for sex with your mistress, you did not coordinate this step with me, you did not ask my opinion. Now decide for yourself what you should do.” In general, you understand: If an unfaithful husband believes that he should not stay in the apartment where his family lives, this should only be his own personal decision and only he should be responsible for it! A person must suffer so much in the future from his own actions that after returning to his family, he would not even have the thought of playing in this problematic field ever again.

At the same time, collecting personal belongings is also a deeply personal matter for an unfaithful husband. I strongly advise against helping in collecting things or speeding up this process! Moreover: I directly forbid wives to assist their unfaithful husbands in collecting their belongings. Here, in public opinion, everything is also clear: if a wife even once touched her husband’s things with her hands while putting them in bags and suitcases, it means that she was the initiator of his departure from the family! Moreover, regardless of whether you make peace or continue to conflict, after some time your husband (whether jokingly or seriously, but it will still be unpleasant for you) will say something like: “Well, you She threw me out of the house! She packed my bags and kicked me out the door...”

As you already understand, throwing your husband’s things from the balcony is also wrong. After reconciliation, you will have to buy new things, and these will be expenses from the family budget. In addition, it is precisely such impulsive actions that cut off the road to reconciliation in the future. You will cool down, repent and be committed to reconciliation, but your husband may already be afraid to return to the one he considers “crazy.” Moreover, your harshness will become a favorite topic of conversation for his mistress, who will turn her husband against you. Do you really need this?

Instead, in response to a request for help in collecting things, you should tell the rebellious husband something like: “Dear, first of all, you yourself better know what exactly you need. Secondly, it’s painful and unpleasant for me to do this. You and I didn’t start a family so that I would later help you leave our common home. Once this your personal decision, do it all yourself...”

Again, in our modern technologically equipped time, I highly recommend recording these conversations on a voice recorder mobile phone or even a video. Preferably, without drawing the attention of your spouse to this fact. Why do this? Then, after many years, your spouse, when communicating with children or relatives, may try to present these events in a completely different light: to portray the matter as if it was you who took the initiative to expel your spouse from the family paradise. A carefully preserved audio recording will always contribute to your moral victory and the restoration of violated justice. Only with this legally verified behavior will no one ever reproach you for anything. Especially years later. Especially your children. Believe me: it is worth a lot.

If your husband does leave, please do not increase the likelihood of divorce by immediately informing all relatives and family friends about this! With their kind, but psychologically illiterate actions, they can only aggravate the situation. If the departed husband wishes to inform them, let him do it himself. For you, as the injured party, it will be very interesting to know under what sauce he will do this. If he directly tells them that he is very tired of family life with you and has left for someone else, this will mean that he is behaving sincerely and in the future it will be even more comfortable to communicate with him. If he is a hypocrite and tells everyone that you kicked him out of the door due to some ridiculous suspicions, this will not do him any honor. In this case, it would be useful to have an audio recording of your conversation at the time your husband leaves with his things, or your word is enough if you have a decent reputation.

If your husband tries to make you extra or tells others that he has left for someone else, you should give all your relatives and friends as much information as you have about your husband’s love affair. But only if they themselves ask you about it! They need this as food for leisurely reflection, with a possible subsequent transition to your side. If the unfaithful husband who left home is silent and does not tell anyone anything, it means that the smart wife is silent about everything. Because the silence of an unfaithful husband can mean:

- or his obvious uncertainty that he did the right thing by leaving home;

– or his uncertainty that this care will be supported by relatives and friends;

– or complete disorientation in what is happening;

- or, on the contrary, the unfaithful husband has a clear plan, which in the future should be discovered by his own actions.

Only time will tell whether the wife’s versions are correct. But in any case, there is no need to spur him on.

Time, like horses, does not like to be spurred!

Should I pause? family relationships after the cheating scandal? In this case, we are talking about such a frequently asked question as: “Isn’t it better to take a pause after revealing the fact of adultery?” The fact is that some overly cunning or emotional spouses, without formally swearing, may follow what they may consider preliminary, intermediate, or even a compromise. By mutual agreement, the spouses decide to leave peacefully and live separately for some time. Supposedly, take your time to think everything over, allow all passions to calm down. Then, after a week or two, move back into the family home and finally decide everything there. I usually answer it like this: “If you are a party interested in a divorce, then this scenario is just for you! After all, even with the shortest separation of conflicting spouses, as many as ten negative consequences:

10 negative consequences of the separation of spouses during the pause period after a conflict due to adultery

Spouses quickly get used to living without each other, and the restoration of a common family life no longer seems so urgently necessary to them.
Spouses are acutely jealous of each other, and the number of mutual grievances is only growing.
Those guilty of treason receive comfortable conditions to continue their “leftist” relationships in the conditions of legal residence with their mistress.
Those who are not guilty of treason because of acute resentment can find alternative more interesting options for communication, including intimate life.
Those relatives and friends are drawn into the internal conflict of the family and, willy-nilly, during this time they learn about the family tragedy that has occurred.
The psychological state of children suffers.
Financial relationships in the family are disrupted.
Loss occurs common interests and goals in life, there are no opportunities for unified planning of life and everyday life.
Spouses create separate social circles and independent companies.
A pause in communication negatively affects moral and physical condition husband and wife, causing aggression or depression.
All this taken together does not lead to moral and psychological relaxation, but, on the contrary, to a deterioration in relations. It also leads to the preservation and preservation of long-term grievances after reconciliation. According to my surveys, having restored relationships after a long separation, spouses often reconcile only formally, but in reality harbor deep grievances. Accordingly, I clearly see:

In those families where spouses have quarreled for at least a few days
We lived apart, divorce was only a matter of time.
If they only have one child, it’s a matter of time.
If they don’t have a child, it will happen very soon.

Exceptions do happen. But very, very rarely. And usually they concern only those families where either several children or one of the spouses is in severe financial dependence on the other (no home of their own, low salary, serious illness, etc.) and she/he simply has to follow the lead someone else’s proposal to “live apart for a while and put your feelings in order.” But I'm sure:

Forced common residence of those who hate each other
Husbands and wives may be a marriage, but they are no longer a family.

Because family for me is something much more. So practical advice in this case there is only one. No matter how compelling the reasons may seem for the spouses to temporarily stop their cohabitation in a situation of discovered family infidelity, doing this is strictly prohibited! Don't experiment on yourself and your future.

Mendelssohn's Waltz is by no means the happy ending of a fairy tale, but its beginning. It is impossible to guess what the new epistolary work about your life will turn out to be; it may very well become a boring gray story or even a chilling gothic novel. In such a situation, a reasonable woman certainly faces the question: “How to kick her husband out of the house if he doesn’t leave.”

The relationship between psychology and law

This problem has different aspects. The legal aspect is important, not only the criminal legal one (if the husband is a classic tyrant and rowdy you cannot do without interaction with law enforcement agencies), but also the civil legal one (in fact, the house may turn out to be the personal property of the husband and then it will not be him who will have to leave, or the husband’s expulsion from the house will be accompanied by the division of this very house between you).

Sometimes the main assistant in expelling a husband from the house who does not want to leave turns out to be marriage contract, which states that when you, as the sole owner of a certain apartment or house, decide to live separately, your spouse is obliged to vacate the living space. Failure to comply will result in a certain penalty.

However, a lawyer will help you sort this out; for us now the psychological aspect is more important.

What about our self-esteem?

What most often prevents you from sending your husband out of the house, who is clearly superfluous in it, but categorically does not want to leave? Often – low self-esteem of the wife.

No matter how disgusting the husband is, this is treacherous: “What if I deserve exactly this?” The second most common reason “not to kick out” even the most lazy husband, who pretty much ruins the life of the rest of the family members: “What would he do without me?”

Therefore, the first advice is to increase your self-esteem. Finally, start appreciating yourself and your one and only unique life. Normal self-esteem, among other things, means inflexibility in implementing the decision to make your life better, to remove from it those who bring negativity.

If your husband is a fighter and a tyrant, how can you kick him out of the house?

The following advice is addressed to those who are forced to endure not only psychological, but also direct physical violence from their husband. If the conflict has already escalated into physical harm, record the beatings and submit a report to the nearest police station. If there were threats to life, this fact should also be reflected there.

Important - a written application must be submitted, it is registered in your presence and you are provided with registration information. It would be a good idea to make photocopies of the documents being transferred in advance and ask the receiving employee to leave a mark of acceptance on them with a signature, transcript, and date. Learn to resist various manipulations designed to force you to withdraw your application or not to submit it at all (stories that later your children will not be accepted into the civil service if their father has a criminal record, etc.).

The fact that you do not ignore such arts of your husband will most likely somewhat cool his faith in the healing power of assault, and criminal or administrative liability is quite likely. The exodus of an unwanted spouse from your home at this stage is likely, the reason is the realization that staying in the same house with you is fraught with serious responsibility for him, because it is extremely difficult for such people to restrain themselves.

A little about feminine cunning

Now let's move on to less critical situations - the husband is not aggressive, rather lazy and inert, and besides, it is in your (perhaps your personally) house that he feels good. Here the best assistant is female cunning. First of all, you should make his stay in the house as uncomfortable as possible. Methods such as:

Distancing (if possible, living in different rooms, eating separately from each other, lack of assistance in housekeeping).
Organizing regular visits from people who are unpleasant to the husband is quite possible - encouraging their behavior in a form that is as unpleasant to the husband as possible.

Let us immediately note that this method sometimes involves conflict. If you have children together and plans to maintain a good relationship between them and the father, this is not very suitable.

Is it possible without conflicts?

You can kick your husband out of the house without conflict. Why not just ask your husband to leave first, even if you feel like he doesn’t want to leave? It is best to do this gently but persistently.

It is optimal to convey to your husband during the conversation that the decision was not made based on emotions and you have certain plans for life that do not include him.

If you understand that your husband simply has nowhere to go, it’s still a good idea to try to help him find some options (what if relatives have a completely free dacha or a temporarily free apartment, which they rent out “on preferential terms, but only to their own people”).

At least, if the husband is reasonable and adequate, this form of presentation will be less painful and most likely will not provoke an open conflict.

As a last resort, set a period during which he must solve his housing problems and leave your home and fix this in the contract. It would not be amiss to stipulate there the forms of his participation in paying for utilities and electricity, as well as provide for a penalty for violating the eviction deadline. This form of influence on a husband who does not want to leave is possible only if you are the owner of an apartment or house, and he is not, but is already a former member of your family.

Family is one of the most important aspects of life. If peace and love reign in the family, then nothing else matters much; you can survive any difficulties if you know that you will always be supported and encouraged. Unfortunately, not everyone can boast of such family relationships.

In our country, according to statistics, every second family has divorced over the past ten years. And this does not even take into account civil marriage. The reasons are very different and not always adequate. Before breaking up, you need to think a thousand and one times whether it’s worth doing. But if all the pros and cons have been carefully considered and weighed, and the decision is still solely separation, then take courage and move forward.

How to kick your husband out of the house after a divorce?

The first question that will arise is “how to kick your husband out of the house?” It would seem that there is nothing complicated, you tell him: “Go away,” and he, like a sane person, leaves. But that was not the case. In reality, everything turns out to be much more complicated.

The husband doesn’t understand why his wife came up with this crazy idea. A man is often happy with everything: if the house is in relative order, there is food, the children are washed and fed, then there is nothing to worry about. And if there is an intimate life, then it’s absolutely perfect! He simply says, “I won’t leave, I’m fine here too.” The most logical thing after this is to make him feel bad “here”.

So, what can make a man leave on his own:

Make him feel out of place. Sleep on separate beds and, if possible, avoid sex. Prepare the food you want, don’t adjust it to suit your husband’s tastes. Don't ask him to help with the housework or buy groceries on the way home from work.
Don't stand on ceremony. Communicate with your husband in a dry tone. Don't rush to fulfill his requests. Invite your friends more often, preferably those who can unceremoniously say in front of him: “Hasn’t he moved out yet?”, and loudly discuss his shortcomings over a cup of tea.
Lower his self-esteem. Complain that he doesn't earn enough. Say that in the intimate sphere his abilities are below average. Give examples of other “real men”.
Get a fan. This, of course, is the most extreme, most extreme option, but there is a 99% chance that it will be effective. It is unlikely that anyone (if he is not devoid of self-respect) will tolerate and calmly contemplate how he was openly exchanged for another person.
Find yourself a replacement. The option is humorous, but as they say, “every joke has some truth.” Perhaps he will meet a new passion who will more enthusiastically express her feelings for him.

How to get rid of guilt?

But do not forget that after he finally leaves you, most likely, you will feel guilty. Perhaps there will even be an inexplicable melancholy or feeling of loneliness. So how can you get over the fact that you kicked your husband out?

Burn bridges. If you firmly and irrevocably do not want to return this person to your life, let him go completely. Don't fall into a "let's be friends" situation. Let the relationship be purely businesslike, like with a work colleague with whom you communicate solely out of necessity. But not friendly at all. It's good if you can throw away things that remind you of ex-husband, and ideally, make repairs.
Get rid of guilt. You don't have to answer to anyone for your decision. If you are left with children, you need to be emotionally intact in order to raise them well.
Finally, find time for yourself! Surely, you haven’t gone to a massage or a beauty salon for a long time. Sign up for fitness or dancing. Go where you have long wanted to go, but “didn’t have time.”

Perhaps now these tips seem pathetic and unnecessary to you, but try to use them, and changes for the better will not keep you waiting!