My husband, mama's boy. How to live with a mama's boy: expert advice Mama's boy, what should a wife do?

The problem of men, who in their youth never experienced the process of psychological separation from their own mother, consistently holds first places in all women’s forums. After all, life with such a person turns into a nightmare: not only are you constantly faced with unfounded criticism of everything you do from a completely dependent person, but the very immaturity of the “mama’s boy” sometimes simply infuriates you.

So who are they, these mama's boys and where did so many of them come from lately? Well, peaceful times lead to an increase in the number of dependent and unadapted people, whose mothers at one time took the opportunity to not let their little son out from under his mother’s skirt, from under his mother’s warm wing, for as long as possible. If, at the same time, the child himself did not have a sufficiently pronounced rebellious period in adolescence, when separation from his mother occurs on a psychological level and awareness of his individuality and independence occurs, then the young man in this regard does not grow out of childhood and continues to live with his mother under a warm barrel.

Then like this lifestyle becomes a strong habit, and the person continues to live this way, until the very day he understands that it’s time for his 30-year-old (and sometimes 40-year-old) son, who has lived with his mother all his life, to get married. And this infant, an adult man with the psychology of a ten-year-old, is thrown straight into life. His nature rebels, and he desires the restoration of the former order, subconsciously striving for life as it was before.

He needs everything to be the way it was in my parents' house, at mom's. He most likely didn’t want to get married at all, but “mom said.” Or public opinion, traditionally important for this type of people, influenced his decision. “It’s necessary”, “because everyone does it”, is a typical basis for a mama’s boy to start looking for a spouse.

But in reality he wants to return to his mother's nest. The style of home decoration should be the same as your mother's. All food prepared by the wife should be like the mother's, everything that the wife does not make will be studied in the mirror of comparative analysis, and disappointing conclusions will be pronounced as a verdict to the unhappy wife, tired of trying to please this capricious child.

But that's not all scary. The main character traits can be hidden for several months of communication, and only then does the woman begin to notice that sometimes this seemingly adult man behaves completely typical of a ten-year-old. He requires constant attention so that you follow him on a short leash wherever he goes. He doesn’t want to listen to what you say at all, but at the same time he longs to be listened to carefully himself. He is capricious, sometimes throwing natural tantrums with shouting and swearing over mere trifles.

He is very boastful, loves flattery and loves to be admired, even if it is done falsely. He is a tyrant, always menacing to his subordinates, but shrinks into a ball at the sight of his superiors. He can behave cheekily and rudely, but as soon as his wife gets angry at this behavior, he retreats and comes with an apology. In general, over time, an obvious fact appears before the woman in all its terrible glory: she lives with a ten-year-old.

Every woman is familiar with this type of man. He is adored by his mother, but at the same time is under her strict control, despite the fact that he has long since started his own family. She will strive to guide him through life until the end of her days and believe that her beloved child was created only for her. Spouses have a rather difficult time with such husbands. But it’s worth remembering that such “sons” can be practical about things and their responsibilities. Even if it’s a trip to the store for groceries, they will discuss the list of goods with mommy over the phone along the way. What to do? Does a union with a mama's boy have a future? Or does it make sense to stay away from men caressed by their mothers?

good boy

Women are surrounded by different men. Among them there are both individuals with a predatory character and courageous types. There is also a separate type - these are flexible, soft and at the same time slightly infantile individuals. Often it is mama’s boys who have such a disposition. A woman for whom loneliness has become a real scourge is ready to share her fate with at least someone, and certainly not against infantile natures controlled by her mother. Of course, if you make a choice between predators, then the type we are describing is a profitable option. But what should a lady prepare for? Will she be able to “reprogram” the character of her beloved in her own way and tear her away from her mother’s “tits”? Let's look at this issue in detail and learn how to tame a domestic lion. But first, let's learn how to distinguish him from the general crowd of applicants for your heart.

How to recognize a mama's boy

Let's start with the signs that reveal this type even to completely inexperienced ladies.

1. Such guys live with their mother under the same roof for a very long time. Unlike others, they do not strive to own their own home or even rent a separate room. They are satisfied that mommy greets them with hot food that they have loved since childhood, but at the same time they are not embarrassed to interfere in the affairs of an adult man. But for her son, this is a very convenient option. It's okay that he doesn't have the secrets that every adult should have. Everything that has hurt during the day will be laid out in front of mommy.
2. You’re on a date, a conversation has just begun, common ground has emerged, and that same feeling arises that is the precursor to a serious relationship. But no - the phone rings and on the other end of the line there is a person who simply cannot do without his compassionate and caring son. If a man, without hesitation, leaves you alone and rushes home, you have a bright mama’s boy in front of you.
3. During the conversation, he often mentions his mother. At first, such dialogue may even seem cute. Well, any woman would like to be in the same authority before her child in the future. But a little later she realizes that the whole conversation is just “my mother.” There is a feeling that not three people take part in communication - you, he and mother, but two - mother and son. And you, so, are a free listener, from whom you only need admiration for dishes unknown to you, the cleanliness and talents of your interlocutor’s mother.
4. A man who is dependent on his mother is always sure that some woman wants to get him as her husband and control him. And at the first attempt to inquire about his plans or find out whether he can meet you from work in a couple of days, he will immediately start thinking about escaping. And believe me, at the first favorable moment he will go on the run. Why this happens is simple. There is already a female individual who has long suppressed him with her authority and filled his entire personal space with her presence. And there is no place for another lady here, everything is occupied. Psychologists even came up with a special term - sons “married” to their mother
5. Pay attention to the behavior of your chosen one in front of his mother. You shouldn’t assume that mama’s boys are always ready to “prostrate themselves” in front of their parents and please her in everything. A good boy periodically “explodes” and causes scandals, which completely independent individuals are rarely capable of. And the reason for their behavior is easily explained. Constant servility, silence, the desire not to upset mommy - this is stress that accumulates over a long time. And the spring, as we know, can jump off under constant pressure. And the desire to quarrel is nothing more than an attempt to relieve tension. Often such conflicts end in serious discord. Things may even get to the point where the man leaves home and makes an attempt to start living on his own. But a couple of days pass and everything returns to normal. Why:

• I want to return to my former comfort and established way of life;
• It’s a pity to leave mommy alone;
• financial problems and lack of their own separate housing.

The listed points do not allow a man to decide on his future. He keeps putting off the question of marriage and it may turn out that he gets married at a later date. And then, after the death of his mother, since he needs a guiding female hand and comfort.

How to spot a good boy

Now let's move on to studying the psychological portrait of the “sons”. We hope that the data verified by psychologists will help you make your choice.

1. Mama's boy is a true master. He always maintains prosperity, zealously defends his territory and shows care. Such a man runs a household no worse than an experienced housewife. He selects products very well, and bargains skillfully and, as a rule, people give in to him quite well. He also knows what is needed at one time or another and perfectly calculates the home budget. The practicality of such men sometimes delights experienced ladies. But there is one thing: a diligent owner cannot do without outside praise for long. After all, his mother always paid attention to his efforts and at every opportunity set him up as an example.
2. Remember once and for all - mama’s boys - this is down to the “fingerprints”. They are polite, well-mannered, and will not allow themselves to be rude to a lady. Their mother cooked them for herself, so that in her old age she could feel only care, love and attention from her own child. From childhood, she instilled in him only family values ​​and inspired him that there was nothing more valuable than his father’s home and family well-being, harmony in relationships and stability.
3. No matter how hard the son tries to openly show his independence to strangers and express dissatisfaction on certain issues, in fact he treats his mother very respectfully.

By the way, the words “married” to mom that we mentioned earlier are not an empty phrase. On a psychological level, they really most often play the role of the mother’s husband. For her, her son is her soul mate, and he, in turn, is afraid of only one thing - to offend his mother, to become a bad person in her eyes.

Who is she - the mother of a mama's boy?

Let's remember what kind of family environment a “good boy” most often has. Most likely, this is an incomplete family in which there is no strong hand, the head of the family. This role has long been taken on by my mother, a single woman who has no personal life or relationships. Perhaps she once tried to improve her destiny, to have a mate, but at first it didn’t work out. But as her son grew up, she completely plunged into his life and sacrificed her interests to his future. Such ladies are most often unmarried, but if there is a soulmate, then this is most likely a semblance of the owner of the family, a silent creature that does not decide anything. The husband's complete lack of authority entails the same disrespectful attitude of the son towards his father. By the way, this is another reason not to want to tie yourself to Hymen. Who wants to eventually turn into living furniture with an overbearing wife and her son.

1. Without a close connection with her husband, a woman raises her “beloved” according to her own patterns. The boy is growing up the way she would like her husband to be in his younger years.
2. Such a mother has practically no friends. If she has friends, she rarely meets them and every now and then looks at her watch. My son is about to come home from school, back from college, from work.
3. And you shouldn’t believe her words that she only wishes her child happiness and is ready to welcome with open arms the one who will give her son love and family harmony. In her heart, she is not ready to give the child into “strange” hands even after several decades. One has only to approach an object that can “encroach” on her beloved child, and she will immediately arm herself with the best weapon - cunning and begin a war with the “irritant” of calm.

So, what can a loving mother do:

1. Get sick. To attract attention and evoke pity from her son, she can feign illness. Moreover, it may even turn out that she herself believes in her own malaise.
2. Will end up in a bad story. She owes money to the bank and will create a conflict situation with distant relatives or friends, neighbors. And in such cases, as you understand, you need support from a loved one.
3. He will begin to collect gossip, contact acquaintances of his son’s passion and fish out strange stories. Unnoticed, the object of a son's passion may develop a trail of admirers, intrigues and unpleasant love affairs. You shouldn’t immediately believe this, and the woman should stop the selfish mother’s attempts to discredit her reputation.
4. Another way, quite common, is to switch the son’s attention to another woman. If things are going to the point where a man “gets off” his mother’s hook, you need to choose a half for him yourself, and one that meets only the mother’s requirements. This is how the niece of a friend or neighbor “from below” arises, brought up in Spartan conditions. She sews, cross-stitches, and cooks better than a famous French chef. And her character - she won’t contradict a word, she’s quiet, she won’t say too much. In short, mom is looking for a silent and resigned creature. By creating such a tandem of a son and a quiet daughter-in-law, she will certainly insist that the children live with her. Thus, she receives into her power not only a son, but also an obedient daughter. And nothing in the house will happen without her control.

All of the above characterizes an unhappy and very lonely type of woman, in whom maternal selfishness prevails over prudence.

Psychologists often compare such ladies with the Snow Queen, who gained power over the unfortunate but very beloved Kai. She will create excellent conditions for him, her offspring will look the best, eat deliciously and wear only clean clothes. But this is just an illusion of happiness. For sensible mothers, the child’s happiness lies in his happy marriage, professional and family success.

Why do mama's boys start families?

It is not surprising that any woman, having studied the character of a “good boy,” will ask such a question. He has everything he needs. If you have a desire for an intimate relationship, you can visit a friend for whom the issue of marriage is not pressing. Then why does he need a wife? There are several important reasons:

1. Offspring. Even an overbearing mother dreams of grandchildren, to whom she also needs to spread her temper. During the period of bearing the baby, the daughter-in-law will be provided with all the best, including a bunch of “strong” recommendations from the mother-in-law. But as soon as the baby is born, the daughter-in-law will be set aside as unnecessary. And it is unlikely that a young mother will have the right to insert her voice in raising a child.
2. Public opinion. Even powerful mothers find it unpleasant to constantly hear from the outside - Why doesn’t your son get married? Is there something wrong with him? Does he have a different orientation? Is he hiding something? The son is even more indignant about this. Who wants to be considered a less than adequate person? Therefore, the issue of marriage is cornerstone in order to reduce the intensity of the public outcry.

As we see, in the first and second cases everything looks mercantile. Is there any point in such a marriage? Most psychologists believe that this is a road to nowhere. Over time, everything will collapse, and sadly, children may be injured. But that was not the case. As they say, there are no hopeless situations. So let's find out how to get along in such a marriage and strengthen the union.

What to expect from marriage to a mama's boy

If you decide to marry such a guy, get ready for serious trials. A marriage with such a “good boy” touches only until the wedding, and even then not for long. You should not expect that from the very beginning of family life the spouse will begin to assist in everything, consult, and solve problems together. Believe me, if any conversation arises, it will be an insignificant fraction of what he has already managed to discuss with his mother. And to be honest, the decision has already been made by the compassionate and domineering mother. Let us list the moments that most often bring confusion into married life, and all through the fault of the mother-in-law. You should prepare for them, and as the saying goes, “Forewarned is forearmed!”

1. Every now and then he will end up at his mother's house. She will find reasons to lure her son and will not allow him to spend time with the woman he loves in his free time. This is the same competition for the love of the main man. At the same time, reproaches will be heard more often towards the daughter-in-law. She cooks poorly, is slobby, pays little attention to her husband, etc. etc. Get ready for the fact that no matter what you do, there will be no open approval.
2. As for the husband, at first he will only be on his mother’s side. Of course, he understands that he is behaving ugly towards his wife. But it is better for him to make a deal with his conscience than to contradict his mother. After all, over the years she has earned a reputation as a true defender of his interests. It’s rare that a daughter-in-law will dare to go against such a powerful tandem, because it’s not exactly an hour before they will attack, joining forces and “crushing” them with a long-term alliance.
3. It may happen that at a certain moment the son will get angry and burst out to cry to his wife about his mother’s inappropriate behavior. In her hearts, the woman will forgive him and decide that the issue with the dictatorial mother-in-law has been resolved. Not so. Time the days - a couple of weeks at most, the loving son will already be visiting his mother and eating his favorite mashed potatoes with meatballs and drinking tea with the best cake. From this moment on, their relationship is even stronger, and the daughter-in-law will watch with tears the newly created strong union.

How to start a family with a mama's boy

One cannot help but appreciate the tenacity of women striving to create a harmonious and strong family. They are ready to do a lot, just not to miss their happiness and change their overly caring and loving son to their side. So, what steps do psychologists suggest:

1. Be self-sufficient. An accomplished woman who is able to adequately provide for her life is no longer competitive. She will not, like a lamb to the slaughter, remain silent and endure all the troubles. He will instantly put everyone in their place and can leave such a union at any moment. And that the husband is a normal (meaning mentally) man who will never agree to lose family happiness because of a capricious mother and will show his character.
2. Also, a wealthy lady can satisfy the desires of her husband without the help of a parent, and help the same mother-in-law financially. And the moral firmness of an accomplished daughter-in-law will not allow a relative to “take on” much. It is for this reason that psychologists note the benefits of marriages of mama's boys with ladies much older than them.
3. You should not immediately after the wedding place all responsibility for the family on your spouse. A sudden burden can become an unbearable burden and the cause of a nervous breakdown, his desire to run back under his mother’s wing. Remember, this is a big child who has always had the status of the main person in the family. Begin to tame his obstinate temper, but slowly. Step by step he will begin to get used to the life of a normal married couple.
4. Don't go overboard with your responsibilities. Mama's boys don't know what it means to pay bills, fill out receipts, look up information, etc. If you decide to do everything yourself without the participation of an active relative, do not give her a chance to participate in your affairs. First, do this yourself, and along the way, and over a long period of time, accustom your spouse to this. If you want to achieve everything at once, he will immediately run to his mother for help and understand that he can’t go anywhere without her. And this is a wake-up call! A man loves when everything is done for him.
5. It is necessary, no matter how difficult it may be. Believe me, this is the main key to creating and maintaining a happy family. Yes, it will be difficult, you will have to agree with what is not nice, and maybe unpleasant. You need to know the basis of the game - the mother-in-law will pull her son towards her with the golden motto “Mom is sacred!” It is impossible to change it, and it is not necessary. Make an ally out of your rival, indulge her words, agree. After all, acting and the ability to manipulate will allow you to maintain relationships and keep you close to your loved one.
6. Mom's sons are individuals who love to have all the attention focused on them. And it doesn’t matter to whom the spouse devotes her time, even to children. Of course, no normal mother would even want to hear about taking care of her husband and not her beloved offspring. Psychologists advise finding a middle ground. And even better, spend all your free time together: husband, wife and children.
7. Night cuckoo. Well, the ball is really in the wife's court here. No mother can out-crow the night cuckoo. Of course, you shouldn’t overuse it, because the cuckoo can be replaced. Everything should be done harmoniously, carefully, so as not to scare away your sweetheart forever. But don’t look for reasons to refuse intimacy, this is the very thread that will connect you with your loved one during the daytime. Let him wait for the night, let him dream about you, so the desire to interrupt sweet thoughts with a visit to his strict mother will arise less and less.

So, we have given some important tips on how to tame a mama's boy and win him over to your side. A wise and responsible woman, for whom marriage is an important step, and for life, must be patient and act. If you calmly follow the advice of experts, you can change not only your spouse, but also your mother-in-law’s attitude. As for the hopeless mother's son, maybe there is no point in changing his strong connection with his parent. In this way, she will be able to dull her mother’s insistence and, in moments of relaxation, her mother-in-law can lure her husband under her wing.

Is your husband a mama's boy who is still unable to make decisions without first consulting his mother? Does the mother-in-law still consider her child a child, so she is trying to raise him? Then you will probably be interested in knowing what to do and how to live with such a mama’s boy? How can we try to re-educate him into an adult man? At the same time, trying not to spoil the relationship with either your mother-in-law or your husband? We will also look at the signs of how to understand that you are dealing with a mama's boy?

Not a single man admits that his marriage is crumbling because he is a mama's boy, just as his mother does not admit this. It is indeed very difficult to correct such a situation, but nevertheless possible. We will discuss what can be done to make such an individual a man.

Mama's boy: signs

Let's look at 9 signs that will help you recognize a mama's boy literally on the first date.

In communication he talks a lot about his mother.
When communicating with a young man, you constantly hear “we, we, we,” and when you ask who he means, you get an explanation that he means mom. He says “my mother and I made this or bought it, my mother always helps me, my mother will live next to us.” Such words from a guy should be a signal for you to think and try to see whether this is just respect for your mother or whether this is a typical mama’s boy.

Mom constantly calls her son, controlling him.
The guy regularly calls his mother back, reporting on how the date went, what he did today, what did he do? This is also a sign of a mama's boy. It is also important to understand that regardless of how a man responds to his mother positively or negatively, but if the mother prevails in the conversation and everything comes down to her, then this is a person who is specifically attached to the mother.

Usually, this is a man raised by his mother alone or he is a late child of his parents. As a rule, such a specimen continues to live with its mother, even into its 30s, 40s or 50s. At the same time, mama's boy is allowed to get married when he is young. Although the mother agrees to this, with a creaking heart, only so that her child is not much different from other guys. Often such marriages with mother’s help break up successfully, after which her “sweetheart” returns under the “wing” of mother. Where he lives with her until his old age.

Therefore, when you met a man about 10 years ago who divorced his wife and permanently lived with his mother, you know that you came across a classic example of a mama’s boy. When communicating with his mother, you can notice how she speaks categorically about her ex-daughter-in-law, and the man literally agrees with her.

Allows the mother to interfere in the relationship with the girl.
Mom constantly makes comments to his chosen one, shows her dissatisfaction with the way she behaves, or talks to her child. Thus, in addition to her future husband, the girl will acquire another controller in the form of her mother-in-law.

Another distinctive sign that a man is a mama's boy is that he still lives with his mother (provided that the mother does not need his care). He explains this by his love and the fact that he owes her a lot.

In case of conflicts, he goes to his mother.
Perhaps the boyfriend or husband does not speak and rarely refers to his mother in conversations, but at the slightest quarrel or conflict he immediately disappears. Instead of discussing the conflict situation with his significant other, he goes home to his mother, with whom he certainly discussed his friend’s action. And his mother has already explained to him who is who in reality.

Inability to make decisions on your own.
Recognizing a mama's boy is quite easy. For example, no matter what decision he needs to make or consult with someone, he will definitely run to his mother. It is likely that his mother still cooks his food and washes his clothes. Purchases of expensive or large items are also made with the mother, even if he pays for them himself. In addition, for any reason, no matter what happens and does not happen in his life, until he calls and consults with his mother, he is unlikely to make a decision. Even if he values ​​his girlfriend’s opinion.

After meeting his mother, a mama's boy, without noticing it, will try to please his mother more than the girl. For example, she will ignore the girl’s requests in favor of her mother, even in simple things. Subsequently, similar things will happen in married life.

Immediately after meeting a girl, literally after a few dates a mother’s son will want to introduce her to his mother. Many girls mistakenly think that a young man is motivated by serious intentions, for example, thoughts of starting a family. In fact, he just wants to know his mother’s opinion about his choice.

Therefore, seeing such a man in front of her, the lady should decide for herself - can she live with him, constantly enduring both the visible and invisible presence of her mother-in-law in married life? Will she be able to transform the mama's boy into? It should be understood that her chances of successful reincarnation are one in a thousand. Is she ready to take the risk and try? Whereas during the same time, without having a relationship with his mother’s son, he may meet a self-sufficient and independent man with whom he would build a harmonious relationship.

My husband is a mama's boy, what should I do?

Let's look at 8 tips from a psychologist on how a wife should behave in this case?

Don't try to make him dislike his mother. Remember, in a mother-in-law-daughter-in-law confrontation, the mother finds herself in a more advantageous position. Because she will do everything in opposition to her daughter-in-law. For example, if a wife criticizes her husband, then his mother defends her child. His wife says he's good for nothing, while his mother says he's simply impossible to please.

Therefore, it is better if in conflict situations a woman emphasizes that she respects her mother-in-law, but at the same time she does not like the way her husband behaves in this situation. At the same time, saying that she would really like her husband to listen to her words.

Avoid becoming a power saw when your wife talks about the same thing over and over again. Here you need to act as a counterbalance. For example, if you criticize something or show dissatisfaction, then at the same time you need to find something to hold and praise, just like mom does. Avoid contrast - a good mother and an evil wife. (Read, )

Refrain from reproaching your mother's boy for being slow, for doing everything so slowly and, moreover, often not being able to finish what he started. Repeat three times, and that’s enough, after which a stranger comes and receives his money for the completed work that you asked him to do.

This way, you simply avoid wasting your nerves on this + don’t make an enemy in the form of a nervous mother-in-law. In addition, most likely the husband will think about this, since he will be ashamed (it is worth recognizing that some men do not feel remorse about this).

Avoid the common mistake of taking all the household chores into your own hands. This is a common mistake most women make. Because, wanting to shower a man with care, love and warmth so that he doesn’t run away, women encourage him to do nothing.

Learn to praise a man in front of other people. This is very important for them as they love words of approval. It would seem such a simple thing, but it radically changes the quality of relationships. With such feminine cunning, you give a man the opportunity to understand that you cannot cope without him. So that for him it does not sound like a reproach, saying that this is his responsibility, but looks like a request for the help that you need. (Read).

Make your mother-in-law not your rival, but your ally. Let her remain convinced that she continues to be the #1 woman in her boy's life. Praise your mother-in-law for your son and believe me, all mothers are pleased when their daughters-in-law praise them for their sons.

Prepare a pie and come to your mother-in-law with the words that you have a good husband, but you want to further support your husband’s self-confidence. At the same time, ask your mother-in-law to praise her son as much as possible for independently made decisions. If you want to take her as your ally, consult with her yourself.

Watch your mother-in-law, how she convinces her son to do something, what she praises for, how she talks to him, and do the same. Since the mother has long understood the secret of communicating with her son, you should adopt her model of behavior with him.

If a man is irritated by some aspects of his mother’s behavior, then he must definitely avoid them. At the same time, remember that in relation to a mama’s boy, the principle of “knocking out a wedge with a wedge” does not apply. By doing this, you can be happy even with such a spouse.

Try to tear your spouse away from mommy's mother's skirt. Alternatively, if the opportunity arises, move to another city or region. So that it would be difficult for mommy to constantly control her “honey”, and for him to regularly report to her.

How they become mama's boys

1. They become boys whose mothers have hyperactively cared for them since childhood. Subsequently, growing up, these men live off the woman who plays the role of his mother. Or, living with his mother, he lies on the sofa, waiting for his mother to spend her pension on him.
2. The second mistake is pity, when a woman is absorbed in super worries about her son because of which he does not know how to cope with his emotions. Therefore, as he grows up, he expects that everyone will continue to feel sorry for him and understand him ad infinitum.
3. When mothers raising their sons themselves speak badly about other men in front of them. Forgetting that the label “all men are bad” can be taken to heart by a boy who subsequently does not want to become an independent man. (By the way, we recommend reading about, would you rather hold on to your mother’s skirt?)

Watch the video on the theme of mama's boy.

Resume

What can be advised to mothers raising their sons on their own so that their boys do not become mama's boys? Knowing the common mistakes, try to do the opposite - do not make these mistakes in raising your boy. Then he will develop a desire to become an independent man, even growing up without a father.

Many representatives of the fairer sex have a “mommy” style model of behavior with men. Then, when she marries such a man or guy, she will go around and “wipe his snot,” complaining to everyone that her husband is a mama’s boy, and life is pure torture. But how can such a “son” change if instead of one mother he has two?

And remember, even knowing how to behave with a mama’s boy, you will not have a guarantee of an independent life. Your married life will always be divided into three participants, as the presence of the mother-in-law will always be felt. Therefore, you need to seriously weigh the pros/cons of a relationship with a mama’s boy, asking yourself, do I need this happiness?

The popularity of child-centrism is gaining momentum, but even now girls are moaning about guys who, at 25–30, cannot tear themselves away from their mother’s breasts or cut their parent’s umbilical cord. But what will happen in another 20 years, when the ideology of children as the main value in life begins to take root? It's scary to even think about. But in order to somehow calm down the fear and solve the problem “The husband is a mama’s boy,” we will give advice from an experienced psychologist.

We must understand that a person is soft clay only when he is still small. As a child, you can sculpt anything from it. If we develop the pottery metaphor, then adults are ready-made jugs, fired by the fire of life. But there is no need to despair. Let's look at the specifics of mama's boys.

• Throughout their childhood they were not allowed to do anything themselves.
• They were subjected to psychological influence: overprotection mixed with violence - physical and mental. There was only one goal: to convince him that there is no one better than his mother in the world.
• The result is a complete lack of self-confidence.

My husband is a mama's boy: is a psychologist's advice effective?

The good news is that if a mama's boy got married, then perhaps he can be helped. How? Believe, believe and believe in him again, giving space to make your own decisions. If you continue his mother’s policies, then the marriage is doomed to failure. Suppose, in some incomprehensible way, a man gets married and accepts his mother’s line of behavior, it does not cause internal protest in him, then no psychologist will help. Psychologists are not magicians.

Creating strong and joyful relationships is not an easy task. Only mature, formed people who are capable of taking responsibility can do this. And mama's boys do not fall into this category at all. They are stuck in childhood, although their age may exceed 35-40 years. What can we say then about very young husbands who are only in their thirties? If your husband is a mama's boy, what should you do then? The answer is to start behaving correctly. But this is just in words.

How to understand that your husband is a mama's boy

If a boy or young man decides to get married, he must develop a mature outlook on life. This does not mean that he is obliged to immediately turn from a cheerful hooligan into a diligent father of the family. No, he may well maintain a light and even cheeky demeanor. But a mature look means that the husband has already begun to take responsibility for his own decisions and adhere to his independent opinion. This is what mama's boys lack.

Before you do anything, you should make sure that your spouse is immature. You can call him a real mama's boy if he has such “symptoms.”

1. The husband does not solve common family problems, but tries to shift them onto his wife and other relatives. For example, a trivial situation - one of the household appliances has broken down. Instead of calling a technician or trying to fix the thing yourself, a mama's boy asks his wife to do it. Ultimately, he may forget about the problem altogether. Disengagement from difficulties is a characteristic feature of immature individuals.
2. Complaints to parents, especially to mother. Of course, heart-to-heart conversations with mom or dad are very important. Parents give useful advice or at least just moral support. But “talking” and “complaining” are completely different things. If a husband comes to his parents to complain, especially about his wife, this is not a very good signal. Only mama's boys do this.
3. In family relationships, the husband constantly cites his mother as an example. Again, the mother’s authority has the right to remain unshakable. There is nothing wrong with the fact that for a husband his mother is the main and most valuable person. But a mature man differs from a mother’s boy in that she does not reproach his wife for any shortcomings and does not compare her with her mother, at least openly.

It's not a particularly pleasant portrait, is it? Nevertheless, such traits can be noticed in many modern men. Mama's boys, accustomed to being spoiled and not wanting to become adults, is one of the main social problems now. What is the reason and what to do about it? By answering the first part of the question, we will receive tools for “re-educating” our spouse.

Why does a husband remain a mama's boy?

There are many reasons. The main ones are worth finding out in order to try to compensate for them. After all, if the husband is a mama’s boy, this is the only way to understand what to do. By eliminating the cause of personality immaturity, you can improve family life. It's worth trying. My husband remains a mama's boy for the following reasons.

1. From an early age he was brought up in conditions of excessive care. One of the most common cases is total attachment to the mother. In preschool age, the boy was constantly under the care of his caring mother. At school he was also protected from any shocks. Having become a teenager, the future husband got used to devoting all his hobbies to his mother... In general, there has been no independence and an isolated personal life since childhood. A strong bond is formed that is incredibly difficult to break. Especially if your parent family lives somewhere near you. We need to get rid of this connection. How will be discussed later.
2. There is not enough support and care. Various troubles between husband and wife are inevitable. Some men are used to allowing them within the family. Others seek outside help or drown their grief in alcohol. And, by the way, it’s good if the husband goes to his mother for support, and not to his mistress... In fact, support and understanding should come from the wife herself. Problems must be solved without involving parents in this if possible. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying “they don’t wash dirty linen in public.”
3. Disappointment in the wife (or in family life in general). A man may simply not be ready to take on the responsibilities associated with family life. For this reason, marrying spoiled boys who are used to getting everything easily is the worst mistake. Such a person, yearning for freedom and permissiveness, will very soon begin to find fault with everything. He will humiliate his wife and specifically use his mother as an example. For him, this is just a reason to quarrel and once again show how poor and unhappy he is.
4. Problems with self-esteem. Oddly enough, men love to gossip. To some extent, gossip for them is a way to raise their own self-esteem in their own eyes. The husband, coming to his mother and washing his wife’s bones, tries to prove to himself and his mother how important he is. He is “the best representative of his generation,” and he got a “so-so” wife. By complaining, by exaggerating a woman’s shortcomings, he begins to feel better.

These are not all the reasons why a husband can act like a mama's boy. But perhaps these are the situations that occur most often. So what to do? Now we can move on to answering this question. There are also many methods of “compensating” for such behavior.

What to do when your husband is a mama's boy

There is no one way to immediately make your husband an adult and mature, to wean him from complaining and crying. Therefore, you will literally have to use trial and error to select tools and methods of behavior that will help you cope with your mama’s boy. Next, recommended actions will be presented.

1. Find out the real reason for “childish” behavior

Correctly determining the motivation for your husband’s actions is already a big step. The reasons themselves were described above. It remains to be seen which of them most encourages the husband to remain a mama’s boy. We need to learn more about childhood - how the spouse grew up, whether he was surrounded by care. Inadequate self-esteem or spoiled behavior is very easy to figure out. And these unpleasant features, in principle, are visible even before marriage. Or maybe the husband lacks support and warmth? For example, his calm confidence and feigned indifference may turn out to be a mask.

2. Find the most acceptable option for communicating with your husband

You can often see advice like this: “communicate with your husband from the position of equals, do not give orders, but do not try to curry favor with him.” Of course, for theoretical psychology this is very smart advice. But in practice, it is the directive (commandatory) tone of communication that may be the most effective in communicating with mama’s boys. If the husband is accustomed to his mother solving all his problems for him since childhood, then it will be extremely difficult to come to an amicable agreement with him.

Returning to the example with the same broken household appliances. With a man who is pampered and always lives “under the hood”, only one way will work - literally order him to deal with the problem. Otherwise, he, again, will try to blame everything on the woman and get away.

And the opposite situation is a spouse with high self-esteem who does not want to recognize his wife as an equal. With him, ingratiation and currying favor work well. He needs to show that he is the best, that he is the only one, that no one else can cope with problems except him. These please the vanity, it increases the affection of the mother’s son’s husband for his wife. A great way to strengthen relationships and gradually distance yourself from your parental family.

3. Maintain a good relationship with your spouse’s mom and dad

For a mama's boy, as we found out earlier, the authority of his parents is very high. And parents who don’t like their daughter-in-law can turn their dear son against her. So what will happen? Nothing good for sure...

There is no need to give reasons not to love yourself. If you are invited to visit, you should refuse only in the most extreme case - when you can’t go at all. It is necessary to communicate with your husband’s parents, especially your mother, as often as possible. This does not mean that you have to live with them as one family. Naturally, isolation and boundaries must remain. But congratulating you on the holiday, at least over the phone, stopping by for a minute and presenting some kind of gift (purely for attention) is not only useful, but also necessary.

4. Don’t emphasize that you are better than your husband’s parents

Any open attacks against the parents of a mama's boy should be excluded. The fact that you are better than your mother must be proven not with words, but with deeds. If you stoop to insults (even if your parents deserve it), nothing good will come of it. Since the authority of mom and dad is higher for your spouse in any case, you will only fall in his eyes. The result is a deterioration in relations.

And, of course, you shouldn’t forget that sometimes you raise a mama’s boy yourself. When you leave your husband without the care he needs, when you don’t try to listen to his problems, you don’t appreciate his efforts and don’t respect his parents. When trying to understand what to do if your husband is a mama's boy, you will also have to take this into account.

Mama's boy can become a wonderful husband

Despite all their shortcomings, mama's boys have one positive trait - they know how to love a woman. Let it be their own mother initially. But, nevertheless, they know this feeling. With the right attitude, this love can be directed towards yourself. And then the spouse will become more than just a mama’s boy. He will already be caring, loving and able to share his experiences. So, don’t despair too early and curse fate. Madame Georgette guarantees that everything will work out. You just need to be patient and move in the right direction.