Hello!
I must warn you right away: fortune telling about the motives of behavior of third parties is just that – fortune telling. And nothing more. None of those present here can reliably know for what reason the man avoids meetings. One can only guess.
The reasons can be completely different. For example, these:
1. In fact, he doesn’t need “live” communication. Virtual is enough. And he agrees to meetings only under your “pressure”. And at the last moment he retreats.
2. A man is simply not confident in himself, he fears that when you meet you you will be disappointed in him and therefore delays this frightening moment until the last.
3. The force majeure events he wrote about actually happened (grandmother, illness)
4. Anything else
10. And anything else.
In fact, none of this is very important. Another thing is important: if a person is really interested in developing an acquaintance, then he himself will look for opportunities for such development. And if there are any obstacles, he will sincerely and noticeably regret that these obstacles have appeared, as well as offer options to circumvent them. For example, like this: “Hello! We agreed to meet on Sunday, but we need to meet grandma at that time. I'm sorry, but I can't do it on Sunday. Maybe we can meet earlier or later? For example, on Saturday or Monday? Which is more convenient for you?” In this way he would demonstrate his desire to see each other.
Apparently, you yourself understand this perfectly well ( Usually, when people get sick, they feel it, they explain it more vividly, apologize, and offer to reschedule it. not a dry SMS)
How should I behave now? - Indicate your desire to develop familiarity and disagreement with purely virtual communication. Then take a break and give him the opportunity to take his step
Should I be the first to get in touch? - See above
Should I find out about my health? - Yes, it's a politeness that won't harm anyone.
It's his birthday on Friday - should I congratulate him? - If you hope to develop your acquaintance, then yes, congratulations.
Or will all this underestimate my already low importance for him?- Nobody knows how he will react
Or should we remain silent now and wait for an answer? - Already answered (Indicate your desire to develop familiarity and disagreement with purely virtual communication. Then take a break and give him the opportunity to take his own step)
And suddenly become busy... not ignore, but go into distance? - It’s not very clear what you mean by distance. It's better just not to impose.
Should I say that I don’t like such cancellations, that it’s disrespectful to me and my time?
- It’s really worth saying about “don’t like.”
It is important to understand that relationships cannot be built alone. This is a process that involves two people. You can and should take your own steps, take your own actions. Undoubtedly. But you need to “leave room” for the other person’s steps. And if this other person does not take his steps, does not take any action, then it will still not be possible to create a relationship. Treating with understanding the difficulties that a person experiences (illness, force majeure, fears) is one thing. Not noticing that a person simply doesn’t want to is completely different.
Wisdom to you.
If you have any questions, please contact me, I’ll help you figure it out.
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Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Hello! I must warn you right away: fortune telling about the motives of behavior of third parties is fortune telling and...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?
Discuss with an expertHis intentions are not clear - maybe he’s serious, or maybe it’s just a game? How to find out a man's true intentions? You shouldn’t guess from a chamomile; it’s better to analyze his actions and evaluate them from the point of view of experienced psychologists.
A man has serious intentions if...
- If a man likes you and you are important to him, already at the beginning of the relationship he will listen to you very carefully.
- If a man strives to accompany you even to places where he is not very interested, but he knows that it is interesting to you, this is an undoubted sign of a serious and interested attitude. Only a man in love strives to share the interests and hobbies of his chosen one.
- If you have been dating for quite some time, and he gradually (and not on the first day of meeting) began to share his problems with you, it means that he values your relationship and is ready to take it to the next level. new level. But it’s worth remembering: a man who, after a couple of days of dating, dumps his problems on you and builds a conversation so that you want to help him financially, is most likely a scammer!
- If he introduced you to friends and relatives, it means he considers you as a future family member.
- If, when it comes to marriage and children, he does not change the conversation to another topic, does not get irritated, but joins in the discussion, then it will be possible to build a family with him.
A man doesn't care too much about your relationship if...
- On the very first day of meeting you, he showers you with a flurry of compliments, and then literally insists on intimacy. If a man is truly interested in you, he will “conquer” you and strive to get to know you better. Even if after a couple of days of dating he offers to stay in the evening “for a cup of coffee,” he will under no circumstances insist and will not end the relationship after your refusal.
- He doesn’t introduce you to his family or take you to meet friends. Here, as they say, no comments...
- He calls you only to find out what your plans are for tonight. Apparently, he has a narrowly utilitarian approach to you. How you are doing and what you do at other times is apparently not interesting to him.
- When talking about marriage and children, a man begins to get angry, go off topic, or express dissatisfaction. Obviously, with such an attitude towards marriage, there is no wedding in his plans.
- A man constantly puts off dating you because he is “very important meetings", "urgent matters", etc. Obviously, communicating with you is not a mandatory, optional thing for him.
- He asks to reschedule your meeting, since he was offered to go with friends to the dacha for a barbecue, fishing on the shore, etc. If you are not first on the list of priorities for him, then there can be no talk of any wedding in the future.
Where do these single mothers and divorced women come from? What makes them so? How does a woman turn from a wife into a divorced lady?
Single mothers with a child are the main form of modern matriarchal Russian family. At the same time, it is the talk of all government authorities and hundreds of non-profit organizations. They all fight like fish against ice in order to make life easier for unhappy divorced women and single mothers. What our rulers don’t come up with. And the alimony fund, and 180% per annum on alimony debt, and multimillion-dollar debts with dad’s salary of 15 thousand rubles. Both seizure of property and criminal prosecution. I would not be surprised if soon they will transfer fathers expelled from their families to the private property of divorcees with the right to sell on the slave market.
However, this is not the main topic of the article. I analyzed legislative discrimination against men article by article in the chapter of the same name in the book. "Fake Man". In general, in the future in this article I will proceed as follows. Since the topic entails many other topics, I will try not to clutter the article with additional material. Therefore, I will describe some things briefly and provide links to sources where these things are described in more detail.
The purpose of this article is to determine where these single mothers and divorcees come from. What makes them so? How does a woman turn from a wife to a divorced woman?
The generally accepted version of the appearance of divorced women and single mothers is as follows. “Asshole men” abandon unfortunate women because of their own irresponsibility. They run away, so to speak, having done the job. From all holes one can hear praises of “the best Russian women in the world” and abuse of “bastards” Russian men". As if men and women are not boiled in the same (un)cultured cauldron.
These songs are also sung by ordinary feminists with their usual hatred of both men and married women. These songs are also sung by pseudo-patriarchal women, but in reality they are still the same feminists who successfully profess women's freedom, taken from feminism, and the patriarchal duty of the husband to support the woman. Much has also been written about such ladies in the book “The Unreal Man” (chapter “Post-industrial period”). Therefore, we will also reduce.
What is it really like?
First, let us remember that according to statistics, 80% of divorces occur on the initiative of women. This is a fact. Another fact is that during a divorce, a man is almost guaranteed (in 95-97% of cases) to lose children, property and is obliged to pay alimony, the expenditure of which he does not even have the right to control.
This is what we will start from first of all.
1. The most important supplier of single mothers and divorced women is the matriarchal upbringing of girls and young women. Growing up, a woman is actually not one. That is, her genitals are female, and everything else, including her psyche and behavior, is neither female nor male. A matriarchal family is one where there is either no father at all, or one where he formally exists, but everyone is ruled by an aggressive, dominant alpha woman, and the man combines the role of a wordless provider, a punching bag and a bedside rug. In such a family, the girl gets used to female aggressive dominance over men, and treats the latter with contempt. How else could she relate to them, if all her childhood, before her eyes, the pathetic, downtrodden henpecked man was seen as a pattern of male behavior?
And now this girl begins to look for a husband. She cannot stand self-confident, strong-willed VRNP men, because she is used to dominating and manipulating, and a VRNP man does not allow her to do this. She, naturally, weeds them out (see the chapter “I am a woman. Looking for a weakling” in the book "Anatomy of Love and Fakes"). She is purposefully looking for an obedient, comfortable man, on whose neck she can sit comfortably. That is, a man raised matriarchally. A woman can easily find someone like this - they are now the overwhelming majority. But since the female sexual instinct does not perceive this rag as a man, a male, then the woman does not experience any love or sincere affection for him. She initially perceives him as a cash cow and sperm donor. Of course, she will strive to get rid of this ballast as soon as possible. As soon as he impregnates her, provides her with a calm and well-fed gestation, she divorces him. She doesn't need him anymore. He has fulfilled the function of a sperm donor, but the state coercion machine will force him to continue to perform the function of a sponsor. That is, the court and bailiffs. And in the foreseeable future - and an alimony fund. Why does she need a husband if she can live absolutely freely, not answer to anyone, go out, be promiscuous, and your child will be supported by the state? You can even push this child off to his grandparents, so that it doesn’t interfere with the fun. And spend alimony on yourself.
The result, as we see, is the same matriarchal family. Dominant aunt + child. This pattern is replicated from generation to generation. It self-replicates.
2. Modification of the first point in the form of an initial attitude towards marriage scam. A woman chooses not an ordinary obedient man, but a wealthy man from whom she can get good housing and a decent amount of alimony. I know ladies who use child support to support their child, themselves, and their new gigolo boyfriend. Read the chapter for more details. “Discrimination against men in family law” in the book "Unreal Man". There this topic is chewed to an amoebic consistency.
3. Modification of the first point, when the matriarchal aunt does not have a strong desire to get a divorce. It’s convenient for her to live with a downtrodden man who supports her, serves her, and also serves as a punching bag. At the same time, the woman experiences a constant feeling of rejection of her husband, annoyance and anger at him. This is easy to explain. A weak-willed, uninitiated mumbler cannot evoke any positive emotions, except, perhaps, pity. But this emotion is unfamiliar to the aggressive matriarchal aunt. And the sexual instinct, as I already wrote, is languishing, not wanting to accept this little man as a full-fledged man. What's happening? A woman in a family, immediately after marriage, begins to behave in a way that has been imprinted on her since infancy: aggressively dominate. She creates a scandalous, suffocating atmosphere of constant psychological violence in the house. Every hour, every day, year after year, she takes out her frustration, anger, and hatred on her husband. According to scientific research, 70% of all one-sided cases of psychological violence in families come from women.
However, in such families, the woman often applies to the man and physical violence.
And one day the peasant gets tired of living with the vixen. The reasons are different. He may suddenly find a woman in a promotional phase who, in contrast to the dominant bitch wife, seems almost like an angel from heaven. He can read Biryukov’s materials and see his plight. A critical mass of anger may simply simply accumulate - as they say, “the spring has jumped back.” The man leaves the bitch.
4. Two more points that provide divorced women are related to the female sexual instinct. In short, he is focused on finding two men: VRVP for conception and NRNP for maintaining the woman and child. Therefore, a woman living by sexual instinct will look for a violent, highly primative lout for mating, and for maintenance - an intelligent, weak-willed man who is easy to manipulate. For those who want more details and justifications, I refer everything to the same book "Fake Man", chapter “Sexual Instinct” In this paragraph we will consider the first part - the woman and the alpha.
A woman’s sexual instinct, like a hundred thousand years ago, chooses a highly primative man, an alpha, a VRVP, as an ideal father for children. This is a violent, conflicting type, ruled by base egoistic instincts, and not by reason, intellect, or education. If a hundred thousand years ago he could have become a leader, now he is more likely a hooligan, chronically unemployed, a regular at pubs and prisons. But the female sexual instinct has no idea about this; it is still served a violent, highly primative monkey, just like a million years ago. An instinctive woman, obeying instinct, melts in the clutches of this uncle. The result is a child - difficult, with bad heredity. A woman expects tender fatherly feelings and eternal love from the alpha. But the alpha guy sneezed on her and her cub. Simply because his sexual instinct demands to fertilize as much as possible more women. But he does not know how to control his instincts with his mind. As a result, after a short period of somersaults, the alpha guy finds another one. Or he just walks around, no matter what. He has a lot of women (as well as illegitimate children), and he is not going to isolate himself from the joys of life and become a monogamist. Let's add to this the attraction to alcohol, drugs, and antisocial behavior. The alpha guy naturally disappears, and the loving lady is left alone with a troubled child in her arms. If there was no marriage, you end up with a single mother. If there was, then a divorced lady with a child. As an option, the woman herself leaves such a man when he begins to row and fight at home, drink like hell, that is, behave as he should be due to his primacy.
Who's to blame? A woman and no one else. If she is so stupid that she chooses a partner not by her mind, but by another place, then who is her doctor?
That is why in balanced societies the choice of a potential spouse was carried out by parents and very rarely entrusted this task to the young people themselves. Parents choose wisely, based on the criteria of suitability for a strong family. At the same time, young people are mostly guided by the sexual instinct, which in the version of the Lower Paleolithic does not correspond to the era of civilization.
5. This option can be either a continuation of the previous paragraph or an independent option.
When a highly primative alpha man leaves a woman with a child, she begins to look for the complete opposite of her former partner. As a result, he finds a low-ranking man who, at first, looks either like a downtrodden, soft-bodied intellectual, or like a chronic loser who is “sorry.” By “pity” is meant the expectation that a person will be indebted for the rest of his life to the one (she) who “sorted” him. That is, the usual manipulation of feelings of duty and guilt. The woman believes that this man, quiet and downtrodden, simply won’t find the courage to leave. She conceives another child from him - the women themselves call this “to seal the marriage with a child,” “to bind him with a child.”
But “suddenly” it turns out that this “downtrodden intellectual” and “lovable loser” is not just downtrodden and unlucky. He is a low-ranking man. And this means that he is devoid of not only ambitions and determination. He - what is most important in our situation - is also deprived of responsibility, and in addition, after a long time of being under pressure from those of higher rank, he has learned to lie perfectly, turn out, play around, put pressure on pity, pretending to be orphan and wretched. It is to a large extent beneficial for him to be an outsider - there is no demand for an outsider, everyone feels sorry for him.
Responsibility for one’s team, for one’s woman and offspring is a trait of a leader, that is, a high-ranking man. This also includes the ability to keep one’s word, as well as the concept of “honor.” This is not typical for low-ranking people. They are content with momentary comfort, after which they quickly leave when there is even the slightest danger of bearing responsibility for their actions. Moreover, they do this regardless of the quality of the woman. I know cases when nice girls from patriarchal families they found such chronic losers whom they “felt sorry for.” And they gave up as soon as they found out about their wife’s pregnancy. It was too much for them to carry a pregnant wife and child, or even several. Lafa is over - that's it, it's time to do your feet. And this despite the fact that the women were committed to a full-fledged family, knew how to create coziness and psychological comfort at home, loved their husbands and wanted to be with him.
This is another reason why in a balanced society the choice of the bride and groom is made by the parents. They will not fall for it if the loser presses for pity. What works with a young maiden will not work with the wise father of this maiden.
But again - if parents were eliminated as experts, then who, except the stupidest woman, is to blame for the fact that she is not looking for a high-ranking, responsible man, but a pathetic, irresponsible loser? After all, distinguishing one from the other is not so difficult.
6. Combination of the first and fifth points. A woman initially rejects high-ranking, self-confident men and looks for a low-ranking one. How and why this happens is described in detail in the book. "Anatomy of Love and Fakes", chapters “I am a woman. Looking for a weakling” and “Why do women prefer “bad boys?” . And briefly it sounds like this: her matriarchal upbringing is looking for a man who would be worse than her, against whom she would look better than she is. Background man. The analogy is how ugly women look for an even worse girlfriend.
A woman finds a low-ranking man to assert herself, and he, instead of pleasing the mistress with his enthusiastic exclamations, cleverly gets away with it, as described in the previous paragraph.
7. Another fairly common reason for the appearance of single mothers is the tendency to “give birth for yourself.” A woman understands that due to her aggressive, uncooperative character, inability to manage everyday life or inability to be faithful, she will not be able to find a permanent man or spouse. In order not to vegetate alone, in an empty apartment, you can get a cat, maybe three, or maybe a child. In fact, this is the formation of the same matriarchal family, where the dominant, aggressive mother cripples the child she got as a substitute for a cat. For a more detailed study of “for self-pity” I recommend Dmitry Seleznev’s articles “Giving birth for myself as a moral crime” and “Woman’s pit”.
8. Well, the last reason is “flying in” with the goal of taking a man “by the belly” and forcefully marrying him. Still the same intent, a variant of fraud. A deceived man most likely loses trust in a woman and leaves. She is left with a child she no longer needs (the blackmail failed!), and all that remains for her is to collect child support. The situation slowly flows into point 2.
We see that all the reasons for the appearance of divorced women with children and single mothers can be divided into two groups. In the first, when a woman herself expels a man from the family, filing for divorce or setting up a long-term front of psychological (and often physical) violence at home. These are points 1, 2, 3 and conditionally 7. In the second - when a woman finds herself a man who is initially unsuitable for a strong family. Points 4, 5 and 6.
Thus, there are two reasons for the appearance of divorcees with children and single mothers: or malice a woman, or her irresponsible attitude towards choosing a spouse.
We can say that in the second group of cases the man is to blame, since he leaves the woman. This, of course, is true: his guilt is there, no one takes it away from the man. But let's not give in to emotions. After all, the woman herself, of her own free will, chose him. She deliberately rejected normal, responsible, high-ranking men, preferring a weakling to them. And most importantly, only the woman and no one else makes the decision to conceive and give birth to a child. If there was no rape (which is not the topic here), then the reproductive choice lies entirely with the woman. She herself, of her own free will, chooses unprotected sex. She has the opportunity to take completely safe modern oral contraceptives. She has every right to refuse sex without a condom. But she doesn’t do this - and this absolutely definitely indicates the woman’s desire to become pregnant from this person. I'm not even talking about situations when a woman punctures a condom, lies about being protected, or artificially inseminates herself (from a condom or receiving semen through oral sex). And even more so - about situations when a woman becomes pregnant from someone else (false paternity).
