Teenager's self-esteem: it cannot be increased or decreased. Raise self-esteem: advice for teenagers and their parents

15.04.202127.05.2017

Adolescence is a difficult period for both the child and his parents. The time is coming to reassess values and destroy some stereotypes. At this moment, it is very important to help the child correctly assess his personality.

Parents must make a lot of effort to ensure that their child’s transition from the child world to the adult world goes smoothly. This article will tell you how to raise self-esteem for a teenager.

Is the child confident in himself - defining signs for parents

Childhood passes, the child begins his acquaintance with the adult world, where everything is not always smooth and beautiful. During this period, the child evaluates his personality. It is influenced not only by parents, but also by peers, classmates and friends of the teenager.

Low self-esteem in a teenage child is a consequence of excessive criticism. He doubts the significance of his own personality, does not believe in his own strength, is shy and is in constant tension.

The main difficulty for parents at this time is recognizing low self-esteem in a teenager. Many children carefully hide all their experiences from adults. Of course, an attentive parent will be able to find out whether everything is in order with his child’s self-esteem.

To clarify the situation, adults should familiarize themselves with several signs indicating a low assessment of a teenager’s personality:

the teenager has poor contact with peers due to fear of being ridiculed;
the child experiences panic and high anxiety;
the opinion of others is of great importance for a teenager;
a teenager does not want to learn something new because he is afraid of failure;
a child with low self-esteem has a role model among his peers;
The teenager explains any success he has by chance;
the child categorically does not want to take part in school events;
a teenager does not want to go out with friends, it is better for him to spend free time alone;
The child hides his worries, experiences, successes or failures from adults and does not want to tell his parents anything.

If you observe one or two signs from all of the above in your child, then there is no reason to panic. Just watch him for a while. Help for a teenager is necessary when he has three (or more) signs of low self-esteem.

Parents must understand that a late reaction to the first signals of a teenager’s low self-esteem can lead to serious consequences when the child will have to visit a child psychologist.

In order to properly deal with low self-esteem in a teenager, you need to know the reasons that provoked its appearance. The assessment of a child’s personality decreases under the influence of such factors:

improper upbringing, constant criticism from parents;
low authority of the child among friends and peers;
poor performance at school, negative attitude of teachers;
personal characteristics of a teenager;
the appearance of the child, his physiological factors ( overweight, wearing glasses, untidiness).

How to Help Your Teenager Improve Self-Concept

So, if you notice a tendency towards low self-esteem in your child, try to correct the situation yourself. Parents must understand that their influence on the assessment of the child’s personality is enormous.

If close people do not see merit in a teenager and constantly criticize and scold him, he becomes withdrawn, shy, and unsociable.

And vice versa, when parents constantly support a teenager, are attentive to him, pay attention to his successes, and approve of good deeds, the teenager feels his personal significance, his self-esteem returns to normal.

During adolescence, the assessment of a child’s personality is influenced to a certain extent by his friends and peers. Parents should take this into account and make every effort to ensure that the formation of self-esteem in a teenager takes place in a positive way.

To help a child increase his self-esteem, adults should follow these recommendations:

Do not criticize appearance under any circumstances child, but be sure to try to help him in solving problems: if a teenager is overweight, parents should motivate him to play sports together; if a child develops acne on his face, it is necessary to help him choose the right skin care products;
parents should respect their child, listen to his opinion, do not humiliate him and talk to the teenager as equals;
a teenager needs to be constantly praised, but only to the point and constructively;
Don't compare your child with others children, set one of his friends as an example;
The appearance of a teenager must be carefully monitored: the child must wear clean clothes, choose his own style of clothing, parents must teach the teenager to correctly combine elements of clothing;
adults need to help teenagers succeed in some business, develop it correctly hidden abilities and talents;
a teenager should be able to say “no”, this will help him consolidate his position in society and increase self-esteem.

In psychology, there are special exercises and techniques that help increase a teenager’s self-esteem:

Autotraining. A teenager must convince himself that he is worthy of the respect of other people. To do this, you can print a text of praise on a large Whatman paper and hang it on the wall in the children's room. The teenager needs to repeat these words daily, in the morning in front of the mirror and in the evening before bed.
Communication for good. An insecure teenager should communicate as much as possible with positive, joyful people. He needs to meet more often with friends who love and appreciate him for who he really is. But there should not be selfish and arrogant people around a teenager.
Reaction to praise. The child needs to be taught to correctly perceive praise and compliments addressed to him. It is better for him to respond to all laudatory speeches with a short “thank you,” but never deny the praise given.
Helping others. You can bring a teenager’s self-esteem back to normal by attending various charity events with him. By helping other people, a child feels important to society and his self-esteem increases.
Fighting Fears. During adolescence, a child develops a large number of fears. Basically, he is afraid of seeming ridiculous and funny in the eyes of others. Parents should help the girl or boy realize that looking funny is not so scary. AND the best way This will involve creating a game model of a situation in which the child will need to face his fear. For example, you can invite a teenager to take part in a humorous performance, dressing up in an absurd and funny costume.

How to raise your teenager's self-esteem on your own

To the girl

Choose your style. You shouldn’t blindly follow fashion trends and fill your wardrobe with things that don’t suit you at all. You must have your own individual clothing style. It will be unique and will definitely give you confidence.
Pay attention to your interests. If a teenage girl wants to dance, then this desire must be realized. Now many schools have special dance clubs where you can master new look sports, dance movements, painting techniques.
Take care of your personal hygiene. In order for your self-esteem to be at a high level, you need to regularly monitor your personal hygiene and take care of your body. Brush your teeth daily, wash your hair and comb your hair regularly.
Wear neat and clean clothes . The things you wear need regular care. They need to be washed as they become dirty, stains removed, and wrinkled areas smoothed out. Clothes should fit your size and not restrict your movements.
Play sports. Regular sports activities help a girl build a figure, feel energetic and healthy. Choose the optimal sport for yourself (running, jumping, squats, swimming) and practice it regularly.
Make your diet balanced. Proper nutrition will help you feel healthy, improve your mood, and give you more energy.
Self-training will help you become more confident. Every morning, say the magic words in front of the mirror: “I am beautiful, I am attractive, I love myself, and others love me.” If you remind yourself of these real things every day, you will soon be able to believe what you say and improve your self-esteem.

Guy

Achieve your goals. Teenage boys dream of being better and more successful than their peers. To do this, they don’t need to know how to fight at all. You can achieve success by doing something worthwhile and important. For example, learn to improve your body by exercising regularly. Try to study well, get high grades in your subjects. Any achievement is your reason to be proud!
Develop a sense of responsibility. The ability to be responsible for your words - good trait for any guy. A sense of responsibility will help you cope with many problems and difficulties.
Become a volunteer. You can increase your self-esteem by helping people in need. Get involved in volunteer activities, just help an old neighbor or homeless animals. Small noble deeds like these will help you feel important.
Find yourself some good friends. It is much easier to deal with difficulties if you have loyal and reliable friends nearby. It's good if they have the same interests as you. Don't be friends with those who lower your self-esteem or think badly of you.
Be assertive. To gain self-confidence and increase self-esteem, you need to learn to follow your desires and not allow others to push you around. Don't be afraid to express your opinion in the presence of classmates and peers. You shouldn't feel guilty when you refuse someone's request.
Try to get enough sleep. Lack of sleep during adolescence can negatively affect your health in later years. In addition, lack of sleep will affect your self-esteem. You need to allocate at least 8 hours of sleep per day.
Don't strive for perfection. Ideal is a conventional concept that doesn’t really mean anything. Trying to be perfect will only lead to more disappointment, which does not improve your self-esteem.

A teenager who knows how to correctly assess his personal characteristics will achieve greater success in life. Self-confidence will help him in the future to establish relationships with good people, avoid bad companies and achieve all your goals.

During adolescence, a child must receive the necessary support from adults (parents and teachers) in order to successfully transition from childhood to adulthood.

Video: How to Increase Self-Esteem

Do you want to build your children's self-esteem but are having trouble doing it right? In this article you will find several simple ways, how to increase self-esteem in a child and what will help raise it for a teenager?

Self-esteem should be instilled in children. (no matter girls or boys) from the very beginning of their childhood. Since availability good level Self-esteem is critical, especially during adolescence.

It helps the child, despite difficulties, build a positive image of himself, not be afraid to experiment and treat his peers correctly. Develop a sense of trust in your own abilities, as well as in the world around you.

How to find out a child’s self-esteem, by what signs can you understand what it is like?

Self-esteem is a fundamental element of children's personal formation. Child development in learning, as well as good relationships and building personal happiness will depend on their degree of self-esteem.

When a child gains good self-esteem, he feels competent, confident and valued. This helps him to be a responsible person, communicate freely and treat others appropriately.

In contrast, a child with low self-esteem will not trust his or her abilities or other people. Children and adolescents with low self-esteem are characterized by the following traits:

His posture and demeanor assumes a closed position. For example, with hunched shoulders, using a weak tone of voice, walking with a lowered head, shifting eyes due to fear of looking others in the eyes.
It seems to him that others are not interested in him, so he does not try to understand the feelings of others.
In a group, children with low self-esteem are never leaders; on the contrary, they limit themselves.
Typically, these children do not speak well of themselves and sometimes of others because of envy or a tendency to focus on the negative.
They have difficulty making decisions because they don't trust their own criteria.
Fear of failure and disappointment prevents them from doing things on their own initiative.
They are not capable of true friendships because they do not believe in reciprocity.
Often show off material things to gain respect or recognition from their peers
They usually fantasize a lot and overestimate their own abilities, which cannot be tested in a school environment. And in order not to be detected in a lie, they say that the event they told did not happen to them in this city, village or country.
If a child has low self-esteem, he will feel worse than other people. Consequently, will behave more timidly, critically or aggressively.

When faced with a new or difficult task, their inability to solve or overcome it may be accompanied by tears or aggression.
They are impulsive.
For them, failure is the result of their intellectual abilities, and success is attributed to chance. Therefore, it is difficult for them to believe in the sincerity of praise addressed to them.
They lack energy.
Often quite sloppy because they don’t worry about their own appearance.
They have little interest in their own future.
They are passive and avoid difficult situations that they believe they cannot handle.
He can be shy or, on the contrary, irritable, arrogant, aggressive.
His own initiative in relations with others is alien to him.
Reacts poorly to critical remarks or judgments of others (classmates, teachers, parents), responds to them angrily, categorically.
When a child's self-esteem is low, he often withdraws into himself and prefers loneliness.
It is difficult for him to cope with disappointments and failures, this demoralizes him. Gets very emotionally upset when he receives criticism. Or he feels a strong sense of awkwardness due to the fact that he has become someone's center of attention.
He has a poor opinion of himself and tends to downplay or underestimate his own abilities and resources.
There is often a hint of pessimism in his words, as if all the actions he must perform are doomed to failure.
Often compares himself with others, and not in his favor.
He is afraid to take on any assignments, especially new things, and, wanting to hide his fear, he comes up with many excuses or asks too many questions.

Knowing how children and adolescents with low self-esteem look, behave and feel, ask yourself: “would you like a similar future for your child?” Surely not, then what can you do to raise your children’s self-esteem?

How to influence the development of adequate self-esteem in a child

A child's self-esteem is his true mirror, teaching him who he is, what skills he has, and how he develops through his experiences. It is the result of the relationship between character and the environment in which it develops.

It is important that the baby feels comfortable at home, and that there is always love, mutual understanding, trust and respect in the family. Happy children develop more harmoniously and grow up to be self-confident.
Focus on the positive. Positive attitude parents creates a healthier and calmer environment for the child. This atmosphere will provide him with greater security and help him learn, even in difficult situations see the positive side.
It is necessary to encourage the child's independence. The sooner he learns to evaluate his strength in any activity, the bolder he will be in the future to take on various types of work. In adulthood, such people can correlate their capabilities with the environment and take on the number of responsibilities that they are able to fulfill. A valuable skill in today's world.
Remember, in how to increase self-esteem and confidence for a child, it is important to understand that one must love not for something, but just like that (telling the child about this). But praise should be given for specific efforts and achievements, even the smallest ones, focusing on his strong qualities.
Children's initiative cannot be hindered. Phrases that are harmful are: “You won’t be able to do this” or “You will do it badly, let me do it better.” This position of the parents will only form an inferiority complex in the baby, and in the future he may experience fear of any activity, since he will consider that he is not able to perform it.
It is important to praise, but not to over-praise. After all, you can raise an arrogant person if you constantly praise your child excessively. The kid will think that he is the best and the Earth revolves around him, everything is for him. If these traits appear in a child’s behavior, it is necessary to have a conversation with him about this, explaining that behaving arrogantly towards other people is bad. This is not a good character trait. His attitude towards people should be the same as he wants to see towards himself.
You cannot compare your child with other children, otherwise he may grow up anxious and unsure of himself. You should always rely on his individual characteristics.
When it comes to raising your child’s self-esteem, remember you can’t use labels. Any criticism should not relate to the child’s personality, but only to his actions. Don’t throw accusations in the style of: “Don’t be stupid!” A much more favorable phrase is: “You are capable, but now you are lazy. Try again, and everything will work out!”

It is important to always demonstrate faith in your child. This reinforces his self-esteem and makes him want to take initiative.
It is necessary to teach children to be neat and take care of their appearance. If they get used to looking decent, they will value themselves higher.
You can’t ignore a child’s bad deeds. It is imperative to point this out to him and tell him what to do in such situations, that is, to direct him in the right direction. As parents, you cannot stop your child from making mistakes, they will make them, but they will also learn from them. This will teach children that actions have consequences.
Increasing self-esteem in children is only possible if you help them learn from their mistakes. Teach children to view mistakes as ways to learn something new and positive. Teach that it is always better to try something and make a mistake than to do nothing for fear of failure.
It is important to remember that excessive guardianship quite often provokes the development of low self-esteem, since the child grows up to be dependent and may not even realize his abilities. The later he begins to face difficulties, the more painfully he gets burned.
It is necessary to learn to finish what you start. The more completed tasks a person has in his piggy bank, the higher his satisfaction with himself.
Reward effort regardless of outcome. It is important to appreciate children's efforts, whether they succeed or fail. This way you will help the child understand that his hard “work”, even if it turns out unsuccessful, will always be rewarded by his parents.
Spend time with your children. Even if you are very busy, try to spend quality time with your children. This will help you build better relationships and help your children feel loved, supported and valued.

How to increase self-esteem for a teenager

Correct, adequate self-esteem does not mean being arrogant. This means having a realistic understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. At the same time, use strengths and work in problem areas.

According to numerous studies, teenagers with adequate self-esteem have a more positive outlook on life and, therefore, are happier than children with low self-esteem.

Moreover, correct self-esteem leads to greater success in school and social relationships. And low self-esteem leads to depression and stress.

Therefore, it is extremely important to teach children and adolescents the skills to cope with childhood difficulties without allowing them to affect their self-esteem.

Although it is not an easy task, parents sometimes need to use every tool at their disposal to improve the self-esteem of their teenage children. Here are some tips for success in this field.

Ask your teen's opinion

This shows that you value your child's point of view and ideas. This will give them confidence and encourage them to be open and not afraid to share their thoughts.

There is nothing that would increase a teenager’s self-esteem more than their parents’ attitude towards them as if they were adults. They are usually always flattered by such parental trust when they are invited to participate in the adult world.

However, when forming personal opinions on children, avoid imposing your own ideas or the views of others on them.

Encourage you to develop your talents and interests

This is the next one good way How to raise self-esteem for a teenager. Let children's potential be revealed to their advantage. Even interests that parents may consider frivolous can provide opportunities for success.

This is not necessarily sports, music or dancing, perhaps it is some kind of hobby. The main thing is that any pastime does not interfere with more important responsibilities, such as study, academic performance, and some housework.

Help your teen find positive ways to build self-esteem and explore their identity.

Encourage participation in school events and presentations

Teens want to feel valued not only by their families, but by society as a whole. One way to achieve what you want is to have important and useful social functions.

When teenagers participate in school activities and perform community service, they gain recognition and approval from others, which helps improve their self-esteem.

Teach children to feel positive about themselves

This will help them not to blame themselves for failures or their shortcomings. Some examples of a positive attitude:

“I can definitely solve this problem if I just try harder.”
“It’s okay if our team lost today. We all tried our best, but it’s not always possible to beat everyone, but next time we will make up for it.”
“I feel good because I helped another person, even if he didn’t thank me for it or didn’t notice my help.”

This attitude combines relaxation techniques along with a positive outlook and mental pictures, which naturally helps children develop their own adequate self-esteem.

Be generous with praise

Many parents tend to want their children to achieve success and defeat others. However, most often parents focus on what their teenage children are not good at or how they could improve.

Even though teenagers need to set goals, it is also important for parents to notice the good things they have already done.

But it is especially important to praise them for skills that they themselves decided to develop or, for example, for good discipline. Even if children's tastes or aspirations differ from their parents' preferences, their value must still be respected and recognized.

So that a teenager’s self-esteem is not low, and he feels recognized and loved, it is necessary and important for him to hear words of parental approval.

However, you should not exaggerate with praise, forgetting about everything else. Honest praise can motivate, whereas too much of it can negative consequences. Especially if praise is always accompanied by material rewards,

Encourage your own decision-making

Teenagers also need to learn to make their own decisions according to criteria based on their personal values, and then be able to take responsibility for them.

Encourage your teens to decide for themselves which life goals to prioritize and which ones can wait. It's like a little child learning to walk.

His parents allow him to go in the direction he prefers. But they make sure that there are no obstacles on his way that could harm him.

Therefore, you should not protect your teenager too much from possible difficulties. If he is overprotected, he will grow up with a sense of constant parental control or "watchful eye."

At the same time, he will never learn to rely on his own strengths and his ability to make certain decisions, even to overcome some life barriers.

And this is a fundamental aspect of not only gaining self-confidence, but also how they can raise their own self-esteem.

You can offer help to teenagers, but do not take everything into your own hands. Carefully, tactfully guide, prompt, open his eyes to dangers, but at the same time leave him room for autonomy in decisions.

(This does not apply if the teenager has chosen bad company or bad habits, since there other parental principles come into force).

Be realistic in your expectations

Every teenager is unique in their personality, interests or abilities. Therefore, try to avoid unrealistic expectations about him by refraining from unnecessary pressure.

If you constantly compare him with others and, moreover, not in his favor, thus wanting to motivate your teenage child, then something worthwhile is unlikely to come of it.

The child’s self-esteem will not rise; rather, he will become even more disappointed in himself.

Conclusion

Some experts say low self-esteem can lead to problems for children. For example, to depression, anorexia or drug use, while good self-esteem can help a child feel confident in his abilities rather than manipulate others.

And also be more attentive to the needs of others and, above all, be ready to defend your principles and values. Therefore, it is extremely important for parents and teachers to know the ways to increase children's self-esteem described in this article.

Olga Davydova, an expert at the national mentoring resource center “MENTORI” of the Rybakov Foundation, tells the story.

Adequate self-esteem is what determines the success (and happy comfort, which is much more important) of a child in studies, hobbies, communication with peers, classmates, friends and parents.

When it comes to the modern generation, you can hear two opposing points of view. The first: “Oh, these introverted children, they sit at home and don’t show their noses outside the door.” Second: “Oh, these impudent youth, they should take the crown off their heads!”

Method 1. Check if the conditions are too high

If your child is showing alarming symptoms (statements like “I’m worthless,” depression, secretiveness, cynicism), first analyze the reason. The point may be trivial that your requirements are simply incommensurate with the capabilities.

In grades 5-6, Olya was an excellent student and a favorite of the teachers. The open dislike of the entire class did not prevent her from participating in competitions and furiously reaching out before everyone else, annoying her with questions “What’s next?” Nevertheless, both Olya herself and her parents understood that the “best” position was rather situational, and interpersonal relationships, which developed in the class (there were fights with the “upstart”), will not lead to good things. Olya was transferred to a gymnasium in a neighboring city, whose program was distinguished by an increased level of complexity. So what do you think? In the 7th grade, Olya began to have problems with self-esteem. What did you want? 30 people in the class, and all are “geniuses”, “upstarts” and activists.

Think that perhaps your child’s environment has simply changed: you transferred him to a lyceum, the class has become specialized - mathematics, classmates all go to a tutor in English. A teenager may quite rightly develop an inferiority complex. Do not make excessive demands on him and never compare with others in his favor. Analyze the situation together.

Method 2. Peer opinion

For teenagers, the opinion of their peers is the truth in the highest authority. So if “Katya, Vasya and Mark said that I look like an idiot,” then your opinion is unlikely to help correct the situation. Exhortations in the style of “Who do you trust more?” won't help. Your child trusts you, but he trusts the youth around him. And there is no point in scolding him for this. If appearance really greatly affects your teenager's self-esteem, it is better to meet him halfway. But only if he can argue why green It is he who needs the hair, not his classmates.

At a family council, think about what is more important to you: a downtrodden teenage girl with destroyed self-esteem or the principles that torn jeans or informal clothing are not for the Ivanov family. The child will outgrow hair color, corsets, and ears on the headband.

Another case is if there is actual bullying at school. For nationality, for funny speech impediments, for being an excellent student/thin/fat - the choice for children is cruel and specific. Take a closer look at those with whom your teenager communicates, and if you find out that his low self-esteem is the result of targeted bullying, then simply transfer him to another school. The psyche of children breaks down very easily, so a new round of war for justice can be postponed, it is better to act.

Method 3. Praise

You love it when your boss praises you, right? Let him not give you a raise, let the KPIs not be met because they are ungodly overestimated! But one little “Good girl!” and “Thank you, you are a true leader” make you smile and be genuinely happy for yourself. And mind you, bosses don’t praise you just like that - only for your deeds.

It's the same with a teenager. Praise for the good, scold for the unworthy, so as not to upset your value guidelines. The main thing is never get personal, talk only about actions. Not “Sasha, you idiot,” but “Sasha, it was very unwise to forget your keys at home.” And not “Katya, don’t act like a fool!”, but “Katya, it doesn’t suit you to be so upset over a B.”

“You can’t, or what?”, “Even Sashka from the next yard can, pull yourself together!”, “Is this how girls behave?”

Firstly, any gender binding of the qualities “You’re a girl, be careful”, “You’re a boy, be stronger” is damaging to the child’s self-awareness. You have to be careful and strong, because you good man, “my beloved son” and “I’m worried about you.”

Secondly, any comparison with another child/person causes a huge blow to self-esteem. Never compare those you love to another object of attention. If your husband tells you: “Sveta, don’t doubt yourself, you’re a beauty, but Katya, my colleague, doesn’t doubt it, she’s always confident and that’s why she attracts attention!” - it’s unlikely to cheer you up. What kind of Katya? What does Katya have to do with it? Why should I be like Katya?

How it SHOULD be done

Depending on the age of the child, you have two models of behavior: “Let’s go together” and “You will definitely succeed, let’s try again, and if anything happens, I will help you.”

If the child is not old enough, you can try to overcome difficulties together. If we are talking about a teenager, then you should not do for your son or daughter what he or she can do on their own. Such a struggle with difficulties will not benefit self-esteem, since the feeling of satisfaction from the decision difficult task won't come. You can prompt and guide, but the support should not be excessive.

Method 5. Develop your talent

Every person has a talent, or, in entrepreneurial language, a competitive advantage. You can endlessly try to improve something that doesn’t work out - this was discussed in the previous paragraph about overcoming difficulties. But strengthening your “favorite” sides is your chance to get a self-confident child.

So, if your child draws well, send him to courses, and if he loves football, sign him up for a team and find a good coach. If you yourself are good at sewing, start making designer toys and share your success with your friends. If you look good in photos, go to a city or studio photo shoot

4. Go to the theater or museum, be sure to go with a group, so that you can discuss what you saw later. Try writing an essay on the same topic.

5. Join the gym, start running or exercise at home. You are guaranteed daily pride in the difficulties you have overcome.

6. Do something that is not typical for you: go to the shooting range, do archery, or if you are already an enviable “silovik”, then go to a ball - a historical reconstruction.

7. Get yourself a hobby. Not a temporary hobby, but a favorite thing. Write poetry, paint by numbers, cook a new cuisine every week. Collecting is also, of course, a hobby, but it is better if it is creative rather than consumer.

8. Smile more often. Our brain reacts positively even to a “fake” smile.

9. Talk to people who love you. Talk about everything that surrounds you, what happened during the day, what you read in the book. Organize family meetings and discussion clubs a couple of times a week.

10. Keep a “Success Notebook” or several different checklists with challenges for yourself. Write down everything that happens in your notebook, even if it’s just a small thing. The sheets can be thematic: “10 places in hometown, where I visited”, “30 new words that I learned”, “10 new books that need to be read”, “5 bad habits that I'm struggling with." A banal check mark next to a random item improves your mood, believe me!

A child’s personality begins to form long before his first words and steps. And only after a few years - by the age of five - parents will see the result of their educational efforts. It will be expressed in the characteristics of the child’s character, his behavior, interests, habits, and communication skills.

In every age period the “building blocks” of personality are being laid. And each stage is characterized by so-called normative fears, concerns, and barriers.

In communicating with adults and peers, in solving game problems and everyday events, these structures interact with each other. The ability to solve problems, cope with non-standard situations develops, and as a result, self-esteem and self-confidence are formed.

Self-esteem- this is the degree of awareness of one’s strengths and weaknesses, assessment of one’s own personal qualities and performance results.

Self-esteem can be both positive and negative.

But self confidence– this is an integral, already formed quality, a positive attitude towards oneself, a willingness to overcome obstacles on the way to the goal.

At the same time, high self-esteem is not yet self-confidence, but it can become its basis in the future. In the educational process adequate self-esteem– the key to the formation of calm, thoughtful and safe behavior. Therefore, it is important for parents to know how to help their child become self-confident in early childhood.

From this article you will learn

How and when self-esteem is formed in childhood

IN early age the baby acts thoughtlessly, without predicting the results of his actions, only under the influence of a momentary desire. At this stage, parents begin to shape future self-esteem using limiting phrases: “ Ay!», « It is forbidden», « Hurt” and demonstrate to the child the possible consequences.

Gradually, purposefulness and dependence on the situation arise. The child begins to follow more complex verbal instructions and receives reward or punishment for this.

"You are the most beautiful in the world"

Preschoolers often hear such phrases - today it is fashionable to cultivate leaders and instill irresistibility in business kids who do not see barriers in front of them. In psychology this is called affirmation- an attitude that influences subsequent behavior.

But everything is good in moderation. It is better to organize acquaintance with failures at an early age than to treat a child for neuroses when the first teenage difficulties in communication and achievements arise.

Do you criticize or praise your child more often?

Poll Options are limited because JavaScript is disabled in your browser.

Primary classes– a period when self-esteem is largely influenced by academic success. The first teacher is the most authoritative elder in life junior school student, and it is important to choose a modern teacher who develops talents and helps in the development of better personal qualities.

Parents should avoid criticism and conflicts based on academic performance, and patiently help them cram the multiplication tables and solve problems about trains.

A teenager's self-esteem often depends on the opinions of peers. The leading activity at this age is communication and knowledge of all facets of the social life of an adult. Every day of a teenager is a competition in adulthood; studies fade into the background. Girls focus on appearance, boys on physical strength.

For children adolescence It is difficult to adequately evaluate oneself, because a confident sense of adulthood conflicts with insufficient life experience. The result of this conflict is anxiety, self-doubt, fluctuations in self-esteem, and decreased school performance.

To raise a teenager’s self-esteem, it is necessary to maintain contact with the child by all means, explaining the limitations by external factors: “You are still a minor, you need to grow up and gain experience.” Teach the child to reflect, analyze situations and trust in elders.

What is my child's self-esteem?

A shy preschooler turns away from his neighbor on the playground and silently takes the offered candy. Parents panic: “Our child is not confident in himself!” But what if he simply lacks experience in communicating and expressing emotions?

Not exaggerate! A shy child is psychologically healthy. Timidity and shyness are natural behavior for preschool children. At the other end of the norm is uncontrollable verbal activity and a bold desire to get to know everyone. Thus, through external demonstration, character is formed.

A parent's view of a child's personality traits is not always objective. Mother and father tend to overestimate or underestimate. Often they do not take age standards into account. Therefore, before asking yourself the question of how to raise a child to be self-confident, it is worth finding out whether this is necessary right now - to carry out a diagnosis.

The video below shows examples different games and exercises to easily find out what self-esteem your child has.

Diagnosis of self-esteem in early childhood (up to 6 years)

The first year of life is the stage of character development. The question of how to increase a child’s self-esteem and its diagnosis during this period do not make sense. It is difficult to draw an age limit for diagnostic methods; it is more convenient to focus on the level of speech development. As soon as speech becomes active and developed, conversations can be held with the child according to the diagnostic protocol.

Diagnostics of self-esteem in schoolchildren (6–10 years old)

Ask to draw seven circles and distribute the names of all close people (animals are allowed) and the word “I” in them. A shift to the left is evidence of increased self-esteem. The express method also allows you to determine the circle of a student’s trusted people. The following results should be alarming:

placement of “I” from 5th to 7th place (very underestimated self-worth);
surrounding the “I” with empty cells;
surrounding the self with animals or inanimate objects.

In these cases, seek contact with your child and help him gain confidence in his abilities. Repeat the test in a few weeks and compare the results. Also notice how your child's performance and emotional state will change when the child begins to receive support.

Diagnosis of self-esteem in a teenager (12-18 years old)

A teenager is perhaps the most psychologically tender age. Therefore, it is better to use standardized and verified methods that do not require personal contact with the researcher. It is better not to carry out diagnostics at home, but to push the teenager to self-knowledge - good remedy. Let him study his character, cognitive abilities, intelligence, and at the same time self-esteem. The professional complex uses special questionnaires and exercises.

We form adequate self-esteem for a child (up to 6 years old)

At the preschool stage, the child already has quite developed will And life experience, has mastered basic safety rules, but still makes annoying mistakes.

Important! You should not create a child with constant protection from dangers and a situation of success in everything and everywhere. This creates an incorrect perception of the world around us. Allow your child to make mistakes safely.

It is important for self-esteem that the child haven't heard setting phrases: “ You'll fall!», « You won't succeed! The process of stuffing cones should be structured correctly:

Warn the child about possible consequences according to the formula: “Don’t jump from there. It's high up there - Can It hurts to fall."
Give the opportunity to make a mistake (ensuring safety).
In case positive result repeat the warning: “You did well, you did it, let’s try it together next time.” In case of a mistake: “I really sympathize with you. I know you're hurting. But you and I told you that you can fall?”

This approach demonstrates to the child that his parents believe in him and fear for him, but are ready to support any choice. In the end, this choice turns out to be imaginary: the child will trust the opinion of mom and dad more than direct prohibitions. In the preschool period, this is a good way to manage behavior and form an adequate assessment of one’s capabilities.

Important ways to master the experience of adults at 2–5 years old:

observation of correct behavior, imitation;
visiting a kindergarten;
game according to age and goals;
technique “One boy...” (an instructive story invented specifically to study the situation)
fairy tales, folk and therapeutic.

It is fairy tales that allow not only to shape behavior, self-esteem and ideas about the basic processes of life, but also to get rid of fears! And games can work wonders if you use them thoughtfully and systematically, organize the playing space and get sincere pleasure from the process.

Increasing self-esteem for schoolchildren (6–10 years old)

For the first time, the student has two important motives: “ be like everyone else" And " to be different from everyone else, to be better" The first one is needed when acting general rules. The second arises in conditions of competition and appeals to pride. If a child succeeds in competition, his self-esteem increases.

Help develop his personal special skill: artistic or technical.
Take part in a relay race, an Olympiad, or promise a reward for success in a math test. Don't forget to praise for minimal progress and motivate for the next step.
Instilling confidence in a ten-year-old is very simple: explain that you are proud of him, his skills, his best qualities. That you love him not for something, but because he exists, you value him as a person and are ready to help.

Children are very responsive to the sincerity of adults and to an instructive, friendly tone. They are happy to make contact, even after serious conflicts. However, it is better to avoid conflicts.

Raising self-esteem for teenagers (12–18 years old)

In this video psychologist, creator of the Academy of Professional Parenting Marina Romanenko talks in detail about what parents need to do so that everything is in order with a teenager’s self-esteem. We recommend watching to the end.

The seemingly independent and self-sufficient schoolboy suddenly turned into an insecure young man. An alarming symptom that cannot be ignored. A professional diagnosis will help you understand the reasons, as will a confidential conversation with your father or mother. Choose the most appropriate method and try to raise your teenager’s self-esteem before it becomes problematic:

Focus the young person's attention on what G It is much more important to be yourself than to live up to other people's ideals. Give examples from the lives of people who are significant to him (relatives, peers, or even stars).
Have conversations without teaching intonations. Try to explain through your example that to achieve success you need to truly accept and love yourself.
Shift your attention away from the problem area in which low self-esteem has developed.
Support hobbies, take an interest in the teenager’s extracurricular life, even if you don’t really approve of anime, gothic or street art. Be sincerely proud of the results collaboration: hang a certificate for participation in the exhibition in the common room, post a report on a joint trip to a hip-hop competition on a social network.
Forget about negative ratings and criticism. You will have to overcome the evil teacher within you. Learn several NLP techniques and learn to give negative assessment in a positive way: " You came up with a great idea! What if you add/change here?..” Conflict with a teenager is a sure way to lose his trust for a long time.

Important! Don't expect your teenager to obediently comply. Any conflict model of behavior is doomed to failure. Another strategy that is also ineffective is to lower demands in response to protest.

Teenagers protest on every convenient occasion, expressing their opinions and their position. Parents should not underestimate the strength of their teenager's personality. His sense of self is equal to that of an adult, and self-esteem and self-confidence can go off scale, even with low self-esteem. This is the sign and paradox of growing up.

Of course, there is no universal guide to building relationships with children. Modern families are very individual. An important concept for developing the right parental position is happiness.

Happiness in a psychological sense, it is a feeling of harmony between oneself, one’s inner world and the environment.

And it should be remembered that happiness for a child does not always consist of bricks thrown by parents. Children have the right to bring into their lives the building material that is comfortable for them right now.

A happy child maintains contact with his parents and considers them one of the components of his happiness. This cannot be achieved by force or coercion. Also, don’t try to buy yourself off with expensive gifts or days off. A child needs mom and dad every day!

It is important that the father makes objective compliments my daughter about her appearance, A mother supported her son in sports achievements. Both parents stay best friends in relation to the child.
Keep secrets with children in the kitchen, but interact with each other, do not try to follow your own line. If mom and dad act in the same direction, it is easier to strengthen relationships with children.
Don't attach much importance psychological norms, if the child feels comfortable, is in a positive mood, emotionally stable and not prone to conflicts. Correction of self-esteem in case of small deviations from the age norm is not always necessary.
Know how to admit your weakness and contact specialists in a timely manner. A consultation with a family psychologist can put into place the reasons for all your parental failures in a couple of hours.
Interact with school teachers, be interested in the results of planned psychodiagnostic studies. Ask for recommendations. A successful parent must be open to information and experience, not afraid to acquire new behavior patterns and engage in self-education.
In the end, study teaching experience on the Internet. Watch documentary TV shows about psychologists and nannies. You can start with Dr. Komarovsky’s program on how to raise your child’s self-esteem.

Oddly enough, to raise a child to be self-confident, it is enough to be a loving and attentive parent. Communicate, spend time together, promptly notice changes in the child’s behavior, help him return to a positive path of development, support his hobbies and positively evaluate his achievements.

IMPORTANT! *when copying article materials, be sure to indicate an active link to the original

To become successful (no matter where exactly) you need to have confidence in your own capabilities. It is extremely difficult for a person with low self-esteem to achieve success and even just become happy: their whole life is built on doubts, disappointments and company in themselves. And at this time, bright moments fly by, stopping in front of those who are confident in their capabilities. Today we will think about how to increase self-esteem and love yourself using simple and effective techniques.

This is a person’s understanding of the importance of his own personality and individuality in the context of relationships with other people, as well as an assessment of his qualities, pros and cons. Self-esteem plays a huge role in normal human activity in society and in solving various everyday problems: fulfillment, family, finances and spirituality.

This quality performs the following functions:

protection – ensuring stability and relative autonomy of a person from the opinions of other people;
regulation – provides people with the opportunity to make personal choices;
development – providing an incentive for self-improvement.

Ideally, self-esteem is built only on a person’s own opinion of himself. However, in real life it is influenced by multiple side factors, for example, the assessment of others: parents, peers, acquaintances, friends and colleagues.

Experts call adequate self-esteem (or ideal) the most accurate assessment by a person of his skills and abilities. Low self-esteem often leads to excessive doubt, self-analysis and withdrawal from activities. An overestimate is fraught with loss of caution and making multiple mistakes.

Important to know! In psychological practice, low self-esteem is more common, when a person is not able to reveal his own potential, and in especially severe cases, experts talk about an inferiority complex.

What does self-esteem affect?

So, the meaning of adequate self-perception is to “love” yourself in the present – even with minuses, shortcomings and various “vices”. Everyone has flaws, but what distinguishes a confident person from others is that he, first of all, notices his successes and is able to present himself favorably to society.

If you hate yourself or just think you're a loser, how can another person love you? Psychologists note an interesting fact: most people subconsciously (and perhaps knowingly) gravitate towards communicating with self-sufficient individuals. Usually they prefer to choose such people as business partners, friends and spouses.

Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

People with such problems most often have the following character traits:

Low self-esteem makes a person perceive temporary failures and problems as permanent “life companions,” which leads to incorrect conclusions and wrong decisions. Feeling bad about yourself? Prepare for the fact that others will react negatively to you. And this is already fraught with alienation, depressive moods and even emotional disorders.

4 reasons for low self-esteem

It is extremely difficult to indicate all the factors influencing a person’s attitude towards himself. Psychologists include congenital characteristics, appearance and position in society among them. Next, we will look at the four most common causes of low self-esteem in humans.

Reason #1.

Have you heard the phrase that says that every problem “grows” from childhood? In our situation, it fits one hundred percent. At an early age, a direct dependence of a child’s self-esteem on the attitude of parents and other significant adults towards him can be traced. If mother and father constantly scold and compare children with their peers, they will not have faith in their own abilities.

Psychological science claims that the family is the center of the universe for a child. In the unit of society, absolutely all the character traits of a future adult are formed. Lack of initiative, uncertainty, passivity are the consequences of parental attitudes.

Reason #2. Childhood failures

We all face failure, the most important thing is our reaction to it. Psychological trauma in childhood can cause low self-esteem. For example, a child begins to blame himself for his mother’s divorce from his father or family scandals. The constant feeling of guilt turns into uncertainty and reluctance to make decisions.

In addition, children react sharply to any harmless failure. Took second place in the competition? An older person will simply redouble his efforts to achieve the goal, and little man may give up the activity altogether, especially if a significant adult has traumatized him with ridicule or a careless remark.

Reason #3."Unhealthy" environment

Adequate self-esteem and aspiration arise only in an environment where success and achievement of results are valued.

If people from the immediate environment do not strive for initiative, it is difficult to expect confidence from an individual.

We are not saying that it is necessary to completely refuse to communicate with such people (especially if they are close relatives). However, it’s worth at least thinking about whether you have also been captured by a similar disregard for self-realization.

Reason No. 4. Features of appearance and health

Quite often, low self-perception appears in children and adolescents with unusual appearance or congenital diseases. Yes, relatives treat their “non-standard” child correctly, but he is not immune from the opinions of his peers, who, unfortunately, are ruthless, like all children.

A common example is fat children who in preschool and school institutions become owners of the most unpleasant and offensive nicknames. Low self-esteem will not be long in coming in such situations.

How to increase self-esteem: effective methods

If a person has realized his problems and decided to raise his self-esteem, he has already taken the first step towards confidence. We offer some of the most effective and efficient recommendations.

Change of environment. Negative people are not the best company for a self-doubting person.
Psychologists advise reconsidering your own social circle by including successful, self-confident individuals who have a positive attitude towards you. Gradually, the person will regain confidence and self-respect.
Refusal of self-flagellation. It is extremely difficult to increase self-esteem by regularly blaming yourself and speaking negatively about your own abilities. Experts recommend avoiding negative assessments regarding your appearance, personal life, career, and financial situation.
The priority is positive judgments.
Avoiding comparisons. You are the only such person in the world: unique, unique, combining advantages and disadvantages. In addition, it is quite easy to find people who have achieved much greater success in any field of activity. Possible option– comparing oneself (with new achievements) with the old one who did not want change.
Listening to affirmations. This difficult word means in psychological literature short verbal formulas that create a positive attitude in the human subconscious.
The affirmation should be formulated in the present tense so that the person perceives it as a given. For example: “I am beautiful and smart woman", "I own my own life." It is better to repeat such phrases in the morning and before bed, and you can also record them on a voice recorder.
Performing unusual actions. The desire of a man or woman to escape into a personal comfort zone and “hide in a shell” is quite natural.
In a difficult situation, it’s easier for us to console ourselves, our loved ones (loved ones) with goodies, alcohol, and tears. We don’t encourage you to do extreme sports, just try to face the problem face to face.
Attendance at the training. In large cities, trainings, courses and seminars are regularly held to help increase confidence and self-esteem. Of course, it is necessary to find a real expert in psychology, and not “farmers”, of which, unfortunately, there are also plenty. Another option is reading psychological literature and watching feature films and documentaries on the topic.
Playing sports. One of the most accessible opportunities for raising self-esteem is playing sports. Regular physical exercise makes a person less critical of his own appearance and more respectful of himself. During sports exercises, people release dopamine - the so-called joy hormones.
Diary of achievements. Both the girl and young man diaries of your own successes help, in which you should make notes about each of your small victories and achievements, even small ones. For example, every day 3-5 “little things” are written down in a notebook like this: we took granny across the road, we learned 10 new foreign words, earned 500 rubles more this month than last month.

Increased self-esteem is closely related to feelings of self-guilt and self-rejection. How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a man and a woman? It is very simple and, at the same time, difficult - be kinder and more tolerant of your own personality. The following methods will help you with this.

Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are not a fantasy, but quite probable development events. The most important thing for a person is to understand the importance of changes and have the desire to go in the right direction: changes in personal life, career, appearance. Remember that self-love in some situations must be earned by going through dissatisfaction and self-deprecation.

Hello, I am Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully completed her studies at SUSU as a specialized psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and consulting parents on issues of raising children. I use the experience gained, among other things, in creating articles of a psychological nature. Of course, I in no way claim to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help respected readers deal with any difficulties.

52 comments to the article “ 8 ways to increase self-esteem and love yourself»

My grandmother constantly told me as a child that I have ugly ears, nose, eyes and in general I’m all so-so, and I don’t need to be too much of an upstart, I need to be like everyone else... I still can’t completely eradicate it. But the travel self-esteem increased when different countries you catch thousands of admiring glances from men, young men, and boys. When they want to meet me or take a photo with me. THIS is what specifically cured me.

As a person with low self-esteem, it helps me a lot to keep a diary of my achievements. When I start to doubt myself, I re-read the useful things I’ve done and my mood instantly improves!

A person is like a tree, if it has grown a little crooked, it can no longer be straightened out) No matter how much you “beat your head against the wall”, but, as we were programmed from childhood by our parents, kindergarten-school and close circle of friends... this is how we will eke out an existence all our lives . The most offensive and paradoxical thing is that it turns out that our parents, without knowing it themselves... made us so unhappy. Because their parents made them unhappy, etc. and it’s unlikely that a psychologist/psychiatrist will change the situation much, and the person himself understands himself even less... therefore, re-read at least a thousand articles, and you will remain the same complexed creature, just like that.

You are wrong. Reminds me of a little green goblin! Stop blaming your parents for your shortcomings. If you are not a teenager and over 19 years old, you must be responsible for your own life and not look back to the past! How can you compare a person to a tree? And even if they compared, think about it: if the trunk is crooked but growing, can it be directed in the other direction? Thus, giving it not a standard, even shape, but something much more beautiful and interesting? (YES IT IS POSSIBLE AND EVEN NEEDED) The brain develops until the age of 25 - 27 years. You can independently educate the person you want to see in the mirror every morning!
I absolutely agree with you.
A person is not a tree. I don't agree. A person is capable of change.