The main problems in the relationship between elderly parents and adult children - solutions. How to communicate with older children

Being an adult is hard, but all the effort always pays off. It is impossible to live irresponsibly all your life, and from a certain age there is a need to think about yourself independently, take responsibility for your life, and strive for the best for yourself and your family. Everyone understands different things by the phrase “adult,” but in fact, to become an adult, a person must develop the qualities of a responsible person in both professional and personal life.

Steps

How to develop the qualities of an adult

Try to be a rational person. In youth it is acceptable to act recklessly or selfishly, but as an adult one must think more about one's actions and act rationally.

• To think rationally, you need to learn to separate thoughts from feelings.
• A rational person controls his emotions and bases his actions on thoughts rather than feelings.
• When a rational person makes decisions, he takes into account the interests of others and moral aspects.
• To become a more rational person, try to give yourself a break when you are struggling with your emotions. Make a decision later, when you calm down and can think soberly.
• Whenever you limit your impulses to thoughts or moral or ethical considerations, you are acting rationally. Gradually, it will become easier for you to make rational decisions.

1. Strive for meaningful, harmonious relationships. To become an adult, you should focus on building relationships with others. All your connections (friendships, family, romantic) should be meaningful, harmonious and useful for all participants. This will require some effort, but this is the only way you will feel calm, just like the people around you.

   • Strive for interactions where all participants behave as independent individuals.
   • Be prepared to make a compromise that suits everyone.
   • In any mature relationship, there is both giving and taking. It is important that the needs of all people are met.
   • In harmonious relationships, people give and receive love unconditionally. Your love should not depend on certain conditions or expectations.

2. Put your needs above your wants. Many people find it difficult to give up things they want and do what they should do. It's okay to spend money on entertainment if you have a spare, but you need to think about the basic needs first.

   Manage your life yourself. One of the key tasks of an adult is to manage his life independently. In childhood and adolescence, your parents and other relatives may help you, but in adulthood you need to learn to think about everything yourself.

   • If you are unhappy with any aspect of your life (or are told by others that there is a problem), be prepared to do something about it.
   • An adult is able to take responsibility for his life and change what does not allow him to enjoy life.
   • Seek help when needed, but remember that you must be able to provide for yourself and live independently.
   • Remember that only you can change your life. Circumstances may limit your ability to make changes, but you must know that you have the strength to adapt to circumstances and grow despite what happens.
   • Start setting goals for yourself and working towards them. Be an independent person, take responsibility for your actions and inactions.

   How to develop the qualities of an adult

   1. Be independent. Independence is a consequence of the ability to manage your life. You must be able to provide for yourself and take care of yourself in all areas. This includes self-care, keeping a tidy home, being punctual at work, being productive, and managing money.

      • Independence can take different forms at different ages. The most important thing is to be independent according to your age.
      • Independence may come with age-appropriate responsibilities. As you get older, your responsibilities may change and you will need to do what is expected of you.
      • A teenager has a different level of independence compared to a person in their twenties or thirties, and it is certainly different from the independence of someone who is 50 or 60 years old.
      • Analyze the behavior of your peers, pay attention to what they do to be independent, and take an example from them.
      • If you're having trouble achieving independence, work with a mental health coach or career counselor. Look for specialists on the Internet.

   2. Think about your goals and go towards them. An adult needs goals. Goals give life meaning and keep you moving forward. When a person achieves a goal, he has a reason to be proud of himself. Setting goals and working to achieve them requires prioritization, both in your personal and professional life. If you need to set a goal for yourself, use the S.M.A.R.T. The effectiveness of this technique has been scientifically proven. In accordance with the S.M.A.R.T. methodology, the goal should be::

      • S - Specific, that is, specific. Narrow your goal. It is better to set yourself not global goals with a streamlined formulation, but specific goals with a clear result.
      • M - Measurable, that is, measurable. Decide how you will measure success, both now and in the future. You must understand what will allow you to determine that the goal has been achieved and also monitor progress.
      • A - Attainable, that is, achievable. The goal should not be impossible. It’s worth striving for big things, but it’s more important to work within your capabilities and think through a strategy for the future.
      • R - Realistic, that is, significant. Think about whether you are ready and want to reach your goal. Of course, you need to push yourself forward all the time, but the goal should not be ephemeral.
      • T - Time-bound, that is, limited in time. Set a deadline for achieving the goal. You should have enough time to prepare. At the same time, you should not extend the deadlines indefinitely.

   3. Strive for integrity of your personality and honesty. An adult must be able to tell the truth and have moral principles. This approach can be interpreted differently depending on the situation, but overall you should be proud of your decisions and what you do with your life.

   4. Take responsibility for your life. Anything that helps you become an adult helps you manage your life. Taking responsibility means not passing the buck to others when something goes wrong, and not abdicating responsibilities. A responsible adult is ready to take responsibility for all his decisions.

      • Responsibility includes many factors that depend on age and life situation.
      • A responsible attitude towards life remains with a person forever. It involves reacting to situations and circumstances, as well as a willingness to deal with any outcome.
      • Taking a responsible approach to life means thinking through all the little things, making decisions and being ready to take responsibility for the outcome of decisions, both positive and negative.
      • If you plan ahead and take into account possible problems, it will be easier for you to manage the situation in the future.
      • Remember that being responsible for your life also means being able to enjoy your successes. Don't brag or be arrogant, but at the same time be able to recognize your achievements.

   How to be a responsible employee

   1. Know how to manage your time. If you want to succeed at work, learn to manage your time. This means you may have to put off things you want to do in order to get your work done. You may also need to deliver projects on time, which means you'll need to keep track of time and deadlines.

      • Be punctual. Always show up to work on time (or even a little early) and stay until you finish everything.
      • Try to get as much done as possible every day. If a deadline is approaching on an important project, take the time to get everything done on time.
      • Keep track of deadlines using a calendar or planner.
      • Try to plan your day either the day before or in the morning. This way you can start the day knowing what you have to do.
      • If you find yourself procrastinating, remind yourself that things won't do themselves. Putting something off until later will make it harder for you to finish it.
      • Take care of one thing at a time. Keep a to-do list in your head, but focus on just one task at a time to be as productive as possible.
   2. It is important to have ambitions not only in your professional life, but also in your personal life. Try to be the best version of yourself, both in work and in your personal life.
   3. Don't come to work wanting to just get a bunch of things done. Strive to do more to show management that you are ready for more responsibility.
   4. Ambition and a mature approach to work may allow you to achieve promotion and salary growth.

3. Pay attention to detail. Paying attention to detail will allow you to get more done in less time. If you work carelessly, both you and your colleagues will have to redo a lot. Take your time and don't try to finish the job as quickly as possible - do it well.

   • It's important to be proud of your work. Don't go home until you've done everything you have to do.
   • Not a single detail should escape your attention. If a colleague missed something in his work, help him finish the work or show him what needs to be done.
   • Try to treat the little things like cleaning a cafe. First you need to wipe down the tables and then sweep the floor. You can only wash the floor at the very end.
   • Before moving on to the next task or going home, complete the current one.

4. Demonstrate leadership qualities. If you are a responsible employee, your management will notice your efforts. Over time, when the opportunity arises, you may be promoted. If you take responsibility for your work results, go above and beyond what is expected of you, and collaborate with your colleagues for the common good, your management will understand that you can be a leader.

   • To be a leader, you need to be able to complete your work on time and take responsibility for your actions.
   • Remember that a leader is responsible not only for his own actions, but also for the actions of his subordinates.
   • A leader must be confident and think about others. If you can delegate responsibilities, but also show a genuine interest in the problems of your colleagues, you can make a good leader.

Hello, Tatyana.

Since adults, when communicating with a child, always evaluate how well-mannered he is, polite and restrained children have always been considered a reason for pride among parents. Each child, to the best of his ability, teaches his child from childhood to be well-mannered and to show respect towards adults. It is the attitude towards adults in many cultures of the world that is considered the most important indicator of a person’s upbringing. A civilized person must be educated, and education begins in childhood.

The child must understand what exactly is the difference between adults and his peers. Parents should not only talk about this with their children, but also demonstrate by example the difference in behavior with people of different ages. It is difficult for children to understand how to behave with adults in a given situation, so it is necessary to lay the foundations of behavior and communication with elders in their heads so that they do not go beyond acceptable boundaries in different situations.

Basics of communication with elders

• In any situation, the child must behave with restraint with adults. The precautionary position does not allow the child to take the initiative in communication. It is acceptable to answer questions in a polite and reserved manner. However, when communicating with family, relatives and friends, there is nothing wrong with a child taking the initiative and asking “How are you?” from a well-known adult (grandfather, father, uncle, family friend, etc.).
• Addressing adults should only be “you,” but again, a child may well address close relatives using “you,” and there is nothing terrible or shameful about that. “Hello”, “bye” are phrases for peers and family members, and for strangers - “Hello”, “goodbye”.
• The child should say hello first, regardless of which of the elders is standing in front of him - the father or an unfamiliar stranger with whom the mother stopped to talk. It is not at all necessary to enter into a dialogue after this, but the greeting should come from the youngest person.
• Well-mannered children never interrupt adults if there is a lively conversation between them. It doesn’t matter whether the topic concerns the child himself or the subject of conversation is far from the baby, whether the baby has a comment, or he just wants to say something on his own. You can speak only after addressing the child, when he is asked a question or the elders want to hear the opinion of the little interlocutor.

In exceptional cases, when the baby needs to say something, he can insert phrases into the dialogue of adults: “Sorry, I need to say something,” “Excuse me, can I interrupt you,” etc. Some parents even develop some kind of signal system if the child needs to say something very urgently. For example, a baby may squeeze his mother’s hand, letting her know that he has some urgent business with her.

• In dialogue with adults, children should be extremely restrained and speak without playing around or making faces. In conversations with elders, well-mannered children use polite words more often than usual.
• Children should never argue with adults, much less enter into any conflicts. The child must be taught that if he does not agree with something, then it is not necessary to “assent” to everything. It is necessary to listen calmly, let the elder finish the monologue, and after that very correctly express your opinion, even if it is the opposite.
• Helping adults will never cease to be relevant. Holding the door for an elderly person, giving up a seat on public transport or on a street bench, giving a hand at a pedestrian crossing - even the smallest can do this.

It is very important to teach a child not only the rules of communication with elders, but also precautions. Don’t forget to tell your children how to behave with strangers, that there are not only “good” adults, but also “bad” ones who have evil intentions. Give examples to your children, conduct experiments more often, asking him how he would behave in a given situation. Such work will not go unnoticed, and the child will not only be educated and polite, but also knowledgeable.

Best regards, Natalya.

No matter how trivial it may sound, you really need to communicate with adult children as with adults. Once upon a time, the child was completely dependent on you and could not feed himself or tie his shoes, but those days are long gone. If you take a closer look at your son or daughter, you will probably find a completely independent young man who earns money without any problems, cooks dumplings for himself and crosses the road at a green light. The old condescending and patronizing manner of communication is no longer relevant.

They have their own opinion

As children, children often take the side of their parents, fearing to lose their love or not having their own opinion about US policy towards countries in the Middle East, and therefore agreeing with the words of the father in order to please him. The grown-up child has acquired his own opinions and does not hesitate to express them. If you want to build a normal relationship with your child, take his words into account. Of course, you have the right to disagree with him, but you shouldn’t dismiss him dismissively and assure him that the grown-up child is still too young and doesn’t understand anything. If you only need an attentive and non-negotiable listener for your monologues, it is better to get a cat or a dog.

They can't be your only motivation to live

Often a child turns into the only meaning of his parents' life. When he grows up, the father and mother feel old and unnecessary, and try with all their might to keep the child at home. The harder the parents press, the more actively the child resists. Get out of this vicious circle. Learn to enjoy your life, not the life of your son or daughter. And then the child will be able to communicate with you as with an interesting, accomplished adult.

Give your grown child advice when he asks for it. He will not die unless you tell him to dress warmly when going outside and take an umbrella with him. Your child is able to decide for himself what he likes, where he wants to study and work, with whom to be friends and build relationships. Just let him do it.

But they need respect

Most parents love their children, but rarely respect them. But this is a prerequisite for building strong and trusting relationships. If your child has grown up to be a good person, then you already have something to respect and be proud of. Surely, if you wish, you will be able to discover other advantages in your own child: perhaps he is successfully studying at the university, knows English, and during the holidays he goes north as a volunteer to help fur seal pups.

1. No matter what “noodles” a new acquaintance puts on your elegant ears, know that at first he has only one desire. If you feel a reciprocal desire, good luck. Tired of the whims of others, a man will appreciate your sincerity. But empty coquetry will only bring harm. If a man sees a scammer and a pretender, he will experience increasing irritation. Therefore, do not waste time yourself and do not give false hope to your boyfriend. The longer you play the comedy, the more relieved a man will be to get rid of you after you finally give yourself to him.

2. If you want to keep a man, do not show your feelings for him. There is no need to tell him about your love. It’s even stupider to demand confirmation: “Do you love me? Well, tell me, tell me!” Usually such a question is answered with a lie; The word “love” becomes devalued and loses its meaning from frequent use. Don’t give your man all your free time: part of your personal life should be inaccessible to him. Evenings with friends, sports, the computer, books will turn into a bastion that is much stronger than the false attitude of “not giving.”

3. It is almost impossible to recognize a professional. He selects the key to your soul and behaves adequately - exactly as in your mind a real man should behave. A pro will involuntarily give himself away when he immediately switches from you to your friend, or vice versa. But even here it will not be easy to resist. The woman explains the inconstancy of such a man by the fact that she turned out to be better than her friend in his eyes. Or because, on the contrary, the cunning rival fought off the man. Both are misconceptions.

4. Often couples are formed within a team - educational, work, leisure. But what to do if the team is purely female or there is no suitable man in it, and you want to flirt? You are welcome to take a walk! The company of a friend will most likely disturb you. Sitting alone on a bench in a crowded place, within a few minutes you will be busy talking with a man. Didn't like it? Excuse yourself and move to a nearby park. The best place to meet is on the street, including shops and public transport.

5. Don't expect to find a life partner at a resort or restaurant. Therefore, there is no need to value the acquaintances made in these places. If you don’t want to feel abandoned, take the initiative: leave the man before he does this to you.

6. Do not endlessly extort expensive gifts and luxurious feasts. A man will quickly notice that you are trying to “unwind” him, he will treat you like a prostitute and he will be right. If a man values ​​a woman, he will independently express this in material form.

7. Don’t scold your previous men. Firstly, this is mean, because you made the previous choice yourself, perhaps you even loved. Secondly, you reveal your own inability to find a worthy companion. Thirdly, a new acquaintance will think: “Time will pass, and she will throw mud at me in the same way; I need to part with her quickly.”

8. Touchiness, this type of pettiness, does not decorate anyone. Don't make a fuss about anything. If you pout every now and then, refuse to talk in response to a man’s faults (real or imaginary), then you will only achieve self-loathing. This behavior of yours will provoke your husband to think about divorce. But if you are dealing with an “adult child,” then such cuts in his brain will really be beneficial.

9. Once upon a time, the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Today, a man will find excellent semi-finished products in the store and easily cook them himself. The way to a man's heart is through his mind. With a large intellectual gap, a man will become bored with you. Usually such a gap is formed when a woman is content with the fate of a housewife. The simplest way to keep your brain in good shape is reading.

10. Watch your speech. You should not overload a man with purely “female” stories about your children, relatives, work and cooking. The person should be interested in listening to you. But if a man swears that under your speeches he relaxes and comes to his senses after a busy day, babble to his health!

Communication is the main tool of interaction between people. With the help of verbal or non-verbal signs, emotions, desires, intentions are expressed, and information is transmitted. Possession of communication skills allows you to easily establish contact with people and be successful in all areas of life.

What is communication ethics?

The doctrine of morality is included in the concept of ethics. Moral norms include the rules of interaction between people established by society. Interaction includes generally accepted standards of behavior and communication. Ethical principles are conditional and differ from culture to culture. However, their observance is a necessary condition for existence in society.

The essence of morality lies in the presence of moral qualities that allow you to successfully interact with people around you at a decent level.

Generally accepted norms exclude any violence, obscene language, criticism, or humiliation.

Respectful attitude, goodwill, openness, equality, freedom of expression are encouraged.

Speech communications

Verbal communication using verbal means accompanies the expression of one’s thoughts, opinions, emotions, and exchange of information. It can be characterized in terms of:

• literacy;
• accessibility;
• accuracy;
• content;
• expressiveness.

In the process of speech relationships, it is also important to monitor voice intonation and timbre.

The following types of verbal communication are distinguished:

• Ordinary communication or conversation - an exchange of opinions and experiences occurs.
• Discussion – issues are resolved, tasks are discussed.
• Confrontation – an argument takes place, a position is defended.
• Dispute – there is a public discussion of socially important topics.
• Discussion – different opinions are discussed in order to find the truth.
• Symposium – short presentations by several people.
• Lecture – one participant speaks.
• Controversy – an exchange of opinions takes place, a discussion takes place with the goal of winning and defending one’s position.

The effectiveness of one or another type of verbal communication depends on correctly set goals and the constructiveness of the information.

How to talk to people correctly?

So, for example, when communicating with younger people or children, they need to spend more time, be sincerely interested in their problems, and listen carefully.

Under no circumstances should you criticize or humiliate. You need to communicate with children as with adults, with respect and kindness.

When communicating with friends or peers, it is important to respect other people's opinions. It is not recommended to give advice where it is not asked. Interaction should be based on the principles of cooperation, openness, and honesty.

When communicating with parents, you need to be more tolerant and listen carefully to their opinions or advice. There is no point in conflict or trying to prove that you are right. It is necessary to strive for constructive dialogue. Kind, affectionate words work wonders.

When communicating with disabled people, you should not focus on their situation. Showing excessive pity or sympathy can irritate or humiliate your interlocutor.

Under no circumstances should you say anything in an arrogant or dismissive tone. When speaking, you need to be extremely attentive and polite.

When communicating with older, adult people, it is necessary to show respect, politeness, and honesty. It is not allowed to address someone as “you” or simply by name, unless such a desire is expressed by the interlocutor himself. You need to talk in a calm, relaxed, friendly manner.

Communication with older people should be based on respect, deference, politeness, and openness. You should always address yourself by your first name, patronymic, or “you.”

There's no point in arguing. It should be understood that older people are especially vulnerable; they need understanding, support, and help.

When speaking, you should use only kind and positive words.

How to communicate on the phone correctly?

When communicating on the phone, there is no eye contact, so the main and decisive impression is formed on the basis of the greeting. The first phrases spoken, intonation, and manner of communication affect the result and the duration of the entire conversation.

Telephone communication begins from the moment the phone starts ringing. According to the rules of good manners, the phone should be picked up immediately after the third ring. It is recommended to wait until the eighth ring for a response.

After the answer is given, it is important to say hello as politely as possible and be sure to introduce yourself.

If a person is called for the first time, then you need to tell them where the phone number came from. Then they begin the main part of the conversation.

It is important to maintain a measured pace of speech here. Speech that is too fast is difficult to hear and its meaning is often missed. A slow pace can start to irritate the other person and they will become distracted. The voice should not be too quiet and not too loud.

To maintain a positive attitude when talking, you need to smile. A smile is always felt when talking on the phone, and it gives a special politeness to the voice. It is recommended to periodically contact you by your first name or patronymic name. A person is always pleased to hear his name. In addition, it adds a touch of individuality.

If serious negotiations or discussion of commercial terms are planned, then it is better to prepare the text or key phrases in advance.

However, the interlocutor should not guess that the words have been prepared in advance. The conversation should take place in the most natural, relaxed manner possible.

It is important to pause between meaningful sentences, giving the person the opportunity to express their opinion on the issue under discussion. In this case, you need to listen carefully and actively. This can be done using short phrases such as “yes”, “okay”, “I see”.

It is necessary to end the telephone conversation on a positive note. You can’t abruptly break off communication. The last phrases are very important. A proper farewell is almost the last chance that can help change the situation in the opposite direction. Therefore, it is better to plan it in advance.

Social Media Etiquette

Modern technologies allow you to communicate via the Internet using applications and social networks. Gradually, such communication penetrates into all spheres of human activity. If previously such communication occurred only between close friends and relatives, now this is how serious work issues are resolved, political topics are discussed, and interest groups are created. Discussions on social networks shape the worldview of modern people.

​There are unspoken rules of etiquette that should be followed when correspondence, so as not to spoil the impression of yourself. Without seeing the interlocutor and without hearing his voice, an opinion, as a rule, is formed on the basis of:

• literacy;
• the ability to express one’s thoughts concisely;
• politeness;
• vocabulary used.

Any message should begin with a greeting, calling by name.

It should be borne in mind that words written in capital letters only carry a greater emotional charge. It is better to avoid a large number of exclamation marks, question marks, ellipsis, and understatement. This may create the wrong attitude towards what was said. Under no circumstances should you use obscene words.

Before sending a message, you should read it carefully and evaluate the appropriateness of the information provided. Don't forget to send a message of gratitude whenever possible.

All this can scare off not only interlocutors, but also potential employers. One of the modern trends in personnel search and selection is the use of social networks.

Rules of nonverbal conversation

Nonverbal interaction is carried out using facial expressions, gestures, and habits. Clothing, its cut, color, combination can say a lot about your emotional state, character, and status. A sloppy look is created by poorly ironed clothes with all buttons undone. The hairstyle adds integrity to the look. Hair should be clean and neatly styled.

There are certain rules that allow you to effectively interact with each other. Among the main points are:

• Keeping your distance. Intrusion into personal space - closer than 40 cm - causes discomfort.
• Eye contact. When speaking, you need to make eye contact as often as possible, about 60% of the time. This is how a trusting relationship is formed. However, you should not overuse it. Staring too long expresses distrust and aggression.

• Using open poses. It is not recommended to cross your arms or legs. Such poses express closedness and reluctance to make contact.
• Straight posture indicates self-confidence.
• No postures expressing dissatisfaction superiority, neglect. These include a pose where your hands are resting on your side, lowered in your pockets, or behind your back.
• No excessive gesticulation. Otherwise, it may seem that the speaker lacks the vocabulary to express his thoughts.

It should be noted that the location of the interlocutors is also important. Being opposite each other, opponents are more prone to confrontation than being located next to each other. Therefore, round tables are often used for business negotiations.

Features of conflict-free communication

During a conflict, there is a clash of opinions, interests, and positions. The result of confrontation can be the achievement of a common goal or destructive consequences. Therefore, it is necessary to strive to transform any conflict into a positive direction, and, if possible, prevent it altogether.

Before getting carried away with emotions, you should try to take a sober look at the situation, analyze it, and try to politely convey the essence of the issue.

It is imperative to give your opponent the opportunity to get out of the situation with dignity. In order not to create preconditions for confrontation, it is recommended to adhere to simple principles that allow you to effectively interact with others.

These include:

• politeness;
• respect;
• positivity;
• openness;
• attention;
• decency;
• concreteness;
• maintaining personal boundaries;
• tolerance;
• justice;
• compassion.

The ability to put yourself in the position of another person allows you to understand the motives of his behavior and look at the situation from a different angle. You should not react to aggression emotionally. This could lead to an uncontrollable dangerous situation. Also, do not give in to provocations.

It should be remembered that each individual has his own characteristics of character, temperament, worldview, upbringing, and life situation. This must be understood and accepted. A person chooses his own reaction to a particular message. You shouldn’t “jump in the face” right away.

Business communication

In the professional world, it is customary to adhere to the ethics of business communication. This is a set of rules aimed at achieving specific goals. The specificity of interaction is not to show interesting sides of your character, but to interest your partner, to inspire trust and respect. It is important to find common ground, to define boundaries and areas of interaction. At the same time, the cultural and national characteristics of the business partner are taken into account.

Key skills for successful business negotiations include:

• the ability to correctly express one’s intentions;
• ability to analyze;
• listening skills;
• the ability to defend one's position;
• a sober assessment of all the pros and cons;
• knowledge of professional terminology.

There are main stages of a business conversation:

• Greetings. At this stage, the first impression is formed.
• Introductory part. Includes preparation for discussion of key issues.
• Discussion. Includes specifying the situation, considering possible options, and making a decision.
• Completion. Farewell, which also influences the formation of a holistic impression.

When talking, you must show sincere interest in the topic and goodwill. Mood and emotional state should not affect the rate of speech and its volume. The facial expression should be open and welcoming. Nothing is more attractive than a sincere smile from your interlocutor.

In the field of professional communication, qualities such as tactfulness, honesty, decency, and clarity are valued.

The positive aspects are always expressed first, and only then the negative ones are mentioned.

Regardless of the form in which a business meeting takes place, it is necessary to monitor diction, rate of speech, volume, construction of phrases, and correct placement of accents. Whatever the outcome of the business meeting, a positive impression from the conversation should remain. This significantly increases the chances of improving the result.