A person with good manners and respect for other people. According to D. Likhachev, a well-mannered person is one who wants and knows how to take into account others; he is one for whom his own politeness is not only familiar and easy, but also pleasant. This is someone who is equally polite to both senior and junior in age and position.
A well-mannered person is not fixated on himself, he sees and feels the other person, and takes care not to cause him unnecessary inconvenience.
At the same time, a well-mannered person is not necessarily a highly moral person. Sometimes among well-mannered people you can find both a swindler and a scoundrel, but more often among well-mannered people people of high integrity predominate.
Good manners are sometimes linked with and, they are sometimes connected, but the connection here is accidental. A well-mannered samurai will kill a person in the same way as an ill-mannered highway bandit, only more carefully and with great ceremony. Torquemada, the first Grand Inquisitor of Spain, was a very well-mannered man, but cruel and not at all open. A well-educated person can be a slave to caste, religious or anti-religious prejudices.
Good manners is often, but not necessarily, associated with education, just as education is not always accompanied by good manners.
Education is an individual-personal result of education, a personality quality that lies in the ability to independently solve problems, relying on acquired social experience.
Polite, well-mannered children always stand out from the crowd of their peers. They pay more attention, they are admired, they touch and are able to melt the heart of even the most strict adult. Moreover, they enter adulthood knowing that they can cope with even the most difficult situations using the politeness, good manners and tact that they know well. According to studies by psychologists, they have an optimistic outlook on life, are popular and can easily make friends and acquaintances, since everyone enjoys communicating with a well-mannered and understanding person. And this gives them additional chances in life. And since well-mannered children are taught to respect and understand the feelings and desires of others, they also become wonderful family members and relatives. But how to educate politeness in a child? This is not so difficult if you remember one important factor: you need to develop tact and respect in a child from the moment he is born.
In the first year of a baby’s life, parents can basically control the baby’s behavior only by distracting his attention with toys, fulfilling wishes, monitoring the change of clothes, daily routine, etc. The second year of a child’s life brings many changes. The baby already feels what mom or dad want from him. During this period, all reasonable parents are very attentive and consistent in their attitude towards the child. Moreover, some kind of perfect, impeccable behavior is not required from mom and dad. We advise parents to speak and act as if they are completely confident that the child will comply with their requests and demands. Mom and Dad's voice should be friendly, the way they usually speak with very close people.
I would like to say about one more condition, the most difficult to fulfill. Most often, irritation quickly appears in the parents' voice, which manifests itself in the tone. And the child feels it, and he may have the same response. Therefore, when a mother asks her baby in a restless voice to do something or stop doing something that gives him pleasure, she usually meets with sharp resistance.
“My 2-year-old daughter has developed a defiant habit,” says Katya. — After eating, she throws the plate from her table onto the floor. This makes me very sad. Of course, I don’t make fatal predictions about her future from this, and I don’t feel sorry for the plate - it’s plastic. And the leftover food is removed from the floor by the nanny, who, in general, gets paid for this. But who am I going to pay to put up with my child's bad manners when he's ten years old? How about fifteen? How about twenty?..”
Children are well aware of the demands and desires of their elders, therefore, in a good, calm family atmosphere, their behavior can almost always be controlled with short comments and reminders, but not with orders.
Of course, young children are self-centered; if they want something, they will achieve it in every way at their disposal. However, when they receive kindness and calm in return, they are able to accept the instructions of their elders. So from birth, be polite to your child, talk to him calmly and affectionately. Children who are treated with respect by their parents grow up to be confident people who are able to treat others with the same positivity and consideration. Remember to support your child when he is polite to you, such as handing you a toy or sharing sweets, thanking him with a smile, and saying “please” when you do something nice for him. There is a known case when the baby’s first word was “pa-bo,” that is, “thank you,” a word that he heard so often from his parents.
Good manners are visible and important always and everywhere. There are not many women in the world who, at least once in their lives, have not felt awkward because of their child’s absence.
For example, I remember an incident that happened during one of my trips to the theater; a friend and her little son were with me.
When during intermission she seated her three-year-old son at a table in the buffet, the baby unexpectedly behaved very decorously: without any reminders, he spread a paper napkin in front of him, put juice and a plate with a cupcake on it, and then asked his mother for another napkin to wipe his mouth . He managed to cope with the food quite decently, which could not be said about his neighbor across the street - an older boy who was smearing a mess of cookie crumbs and juice on the table. The contrast was too stark. The boy's mother, feeling awkward, reprimanded her son. But here's what's interesting: the table in front of her was also strewn with crumbs.
Then I thought: how often we, parents, demand good behavior from our children, while we ourselves, without thinking about it, set a bad example for them.
At the age of one and a half to three years, a child understands little from the lengthy monologues of adults about good manners and correct behavior, but he remembers well and assimilates visual examples, especially when he is in “field conditions,” that is, on the playground. If your child breaks the rules of the game, cannot wait his turn, or cries when he loses, you need to explain to him that all children wait, all lose, and all play by the rules. It is important to teach a child at this age that he is part of a team and that. if he wants to take part in games with other children, he must behave in the same way as they do and obey the rules common to all. By the way, it wouldn’t hurt to prepare your baby specially, for example, for a visit. It is important for children under three years of age to know what lies ahead, so explain to your child where and why you are going, who you will meet and what you will do. Don't forget to explain what you expect from the baby himself, concentrating on two or three wishes - no more. For example, “don’t run, don’t shout, and don’t ask for gifts.”
You need to discuss all the details of behavior with your child in advance, because he must know what they want from him. And don't forget to praise him for the way he behaved.
Before going to visit, remind your child: “When you come in, say hello.” And then be sure to note his good behavior: “In my opinion, Aunt Vera really liked the way you said hello. Well done for saying thank you for the toy she gave you.”
Just don’t make your child “eternally brilliant”; praise him for specific things he has accomplished. Then next time he will want to behave even better.
Believe me, it won’t be long before the word “thank you” will become one of your child’s favorite words.
Good manners do not develop on their own, as some parents believe. The very definition of “good manners” suggests that this is the result of a person’s long and persistent polishing, the result of his upbringing. Unfortunately, some parents believe that nurturing a culture of behavior and communication skills, politeness, and restraint is the lot of adults, and therefore they say: “Everything will come with age, but for now you’ll ask him. Child!"
Meanwhile, the child grows up, not knowing the most basic and accessible laws of decency, for example: he does not suspect that, having met adults at the door, he must step aside and give way; in a carriage, making your way to the exit, pushing people aside with your elbows is indecent; It is forbidden to go into public places where there are a lot of people with a sandwich or ice cream - strangers may accidentally stain your dress; attracting the attention of others by talking loudly is a sign of bad manners, and there is still much a child does not know...
A newcomer came to kindergarten. There is an expression of curiosity and expectation on his face. And his new suit, and his shoes polished to a shine, and a snow-white handkerchief peeking out of his pocket - everything says that this is a special event for him.
- And I immediately joined the senior group! - the boy announces loudly, interrupting the conversation between the teacher and his mother. Imitating adults, he puts his palm into the teacher’s hand:
- Hello! Are you a teacher? Is it true that there are fish in kindergarten? Is it true that you need to sleep during the day?
The questions follow endlessly, and when they are all finally exhausted, the boy shamelessly examines the teacher, tries to touch the buttons on her suit, listens with open curiosity to the conversation of the adults and from time to time inserts remarks.
Already the first short meeting allows you to form an impression of the child as well-mannered or ill-mannered. It is formed so far according to some external signs: by the way he carries himself, enters into conversation with adults; smart or sloppy, reserved or not... The behavior of a newcomer makes you wonder: is something missing in his upbringing? Indeed, no matter how developed, intelligent and outwardly attractive a child is, if he interferes in the conversation of adults, does not know how to politely ask a question, does not know how to greet elders, is excessively talkative, then such a child makes an unpleasant impression. They say about him: ill-mannered. That is why, when caring for the harmonious development of a child, it is necessary to keep in mind not only his physical and moral health, aesthetic and intellectual development. This is not enough. It is necessary to teach him the external forms of expressing good manners.
If a child is not taught in a timely manner how to behave, then he may unwittingly act inappropriately.
The woman accidentally spilled the oranges. Not far away, a six-year-old boy watches how adults, bent over, collect oranges that have rolled in different directions.
“Here are two more near the box,” he prompts the others, remaining in place.
- Why aren’t you helping us? — one of the women addressed him friendly.
- Did I scatter them?!
From this response, expressing surprise, it is not difficult to guess that he does this not because it is hard for him to bend over, but because he does not know how to behave in such a situation.
How often one has to blush for the behavior of children who have matured, but have not learned to behave as circumstances require. Cause? They don’t know the basic laws of social life, they don’t know how to distinguish ease from casualness, and they’re not familiar with existing etiquette. Some young people have the wrong idea: nice manners, any manifestations of good manners - giving up your seat, letting someone older in age go ahead of you at the door, apologizing for a mistake, etc. - is a “relic.” It is believed that the main dignity of a person lies in his inner content. Is it possible to imagine a well-bred person who, although educated and well-read, is untidy and rude in his interactions with people, ignoring the rules of decency? Such a person gives the impression of being morally deficient.
Good manners is a personality quality, one of the many characteristics of a person.
Society sees it as obligatory; it’s not for nothing that parents, teachers and other older comrades try to raise it in childhood. It is difficult to argue: it is beneficial for society to deal with educated people who sacredly respect its laws.
Good breeding implies politeness, tact, respect, adherence to the rules of etiquette and generally accepted norms of behavior, but that’s not all.
Well-mannered behavior reveals a person’s internal culture, his good habits and the best character traits.
Where does education begin?
What do parents, and in their absence, the entire kindergarten staff do, day and night? That's right, they educate. They sow good and eternal things, instill good manners - with carrots, sticks, their own example and long conversations.
In many ways, good manners is a habit developed over the years, a stable skill of competent behavior in society. 
From childhood, the child’s most glorious traits are nurtured, his virtues are nourished, and his shortcomings are eradicated.
In parallel with this, work is underway to teach the baby proper behavior in society.
But you shouldn’t think that a well-mannered person is a real example of high-quality parental training. Not at all!
It is impossible to simply “instill good manners” in a child and tell him what norms of behavior in society are now in fashion.
Many mothers and fathers believe that it is enough to teach the little one etiquette and instill in the brain respect for others (usually elders), and the job is done - the upbringing was successful!
Perhaps such a child will say “magic words”, use a fork correctly and remove his elbows from the table, but will he be truly well-mannered - inside, under the superficial politeness and tact?
Good manners criteria: such a different trait
There is a widespread understanding of civility in society, which includes courtesy, restraint, self-control and politeness.
Well-mannered people are far from hysterics and squabbles, do not spread rumors and avoid vulgarity. A well-behaved young man, a true gentleman, a modest and decent lady, a child who respectfully addresses his elders... Everything that was valued three hundred years ago is still in demand today.
This lies on the surface, however, true upbringing is a much deeper concept: only a balance between a person’s beliefs, thoughts, knowledge and his actions gives rise to a harmonious personality.
When words and gestures are one thing, but something else is in the heart, a person literally falls apart into its component parts.
In philosophical reflections, an educated person is seen as a standard of education and moral perfection. This is an intelligent, impeccably behaved individual who seriously cares about ethics and morality.
Usually good manners are characteristic of decent, highly moral, tolerant and altruistic individuals. It is difficult to meet an egoist and a scoundrel with this vital trait. But this is not an immutable rule: the world has seen thousands of well-mannered thieves, deceivers and lazy people!
A well-mannered person or not - how can you tell? 
A well-mannered person can be seen by his actions: all his behavior is regarded by others approvingly, as positive, respectful and adequate.
Not causing discomfort to others, not interfering with other people’s activities, not violating freedom are important skills for such a person.
For example, going out naked is rude and unethical, contrary to moral laws, social dogmas and violates the rights of other people.
If society sees in a person’s actions a disrespectful attitude, negative connotations, offensive intentions, excessive selfishness and ostentation, an insatiable desire to flout boundaries and social rules, then it will quickly try to expel this “troublemaker” from the circle.
Good manners is the ability to control oneself in moments of strong emotions, a way to calmly present oneself to society without unnecessary egocentrism or shockingness, and the talent to read the faces of others and be sincerely interested in communicating with them.
In addition, a well-mannered person is obligatory (does what he promises), responsible, friendly and does not have the habit of being late. This is where his respect for his interlocutors or colleagues is manifested.
He responds with dignity, does not stoop to rudeness and insults, accepts battle with honor and has remarkable self-control. He is friendly and caring, easy to communicate and pleasant from all sides!
To other people.
As for good manners, the specific list of them varies in different cultures, and therefore good manners are sometimes defined as the ability and habit to follow the rules of behavior adopted in the reference group.
If you take the manners of the English Queen as a model, it is not obvious that you will make a corresponding impression in the East. You may be considered a not very well-mannered person if you do not burp during meals (this is accepted in the East as a sign of food satisfaction) and pour a full cup of tea for guests, while in the East well-mannered people pour tea little by little for dear guests to show their readiness to look after them again...
However, one drunken homeless person among other drunken homeless people will never be recognized as a well-mannered person precisely because such homeless people do not recognize the rules of behavior, good manners and good manners in principle.
We can say that good manners is respect for the people around you that is built into a person. If you were properly taught how to behave, taught good manners, and you learned this properly, you are a well-mannered person. If you were not raised or you did not absorb this upbringing, you are not fully educated. However, if a person practices, then the results are sometimes no worse.
Like any skill, good manners can be deeply learned, becoming a personality trait - and superficial, easily disappearing in problematic situations, or falling off a person over time if outside control has disappeared.
Elementary education distinguishes a person who is at least somewhat educated from someone who is ill-mannered at all. If a child doesn’t scream like crazy and doesn’t steal food from someone else’s plate, he has already received a basic education. Elementary education talks about WHAT needs to be done, but to a small extent it talks about HOW, and does not talk about style. Real, or high manners, are more about HOW, it is style, it is the beauty of movements and the charm of intonation. High breeding is not only formal and thoughtless behavior, but also an understanding of the meaning of this behavior, an internal commitment to good breeding.
Children have to be instilled with good manners, because at first glance, good manners are unprofitable: a well-mannered person has to limit himself in many ways, and in a collision with an ill-mannered person, a well-mannered person almost always loses: he cannot afford what a person free from good manners can easily afford. The earlier a child is taught good manners, the greater the chances that it will be “in his blood,” however, instilling good manners against the backdrop of the child’s initial internal protest gives very controversial results.
A person’s good manners (or lack of manners) is visible to an attentive eye from afar and is an important marker for people with developed self-esteem. Education is like caste. Well-mannered people form a certain circle where not everyone is admitted, but only a select few, like themselves - well-mannered people. A well-mannered person will not unnecessarily disrespect an ill-mannered person, but will never befriend or seriously deal with him.
Good manners, as a set of rules of human society, in many cases quite successfully replaces empathy and the recommendations of psychologists. A well-mannered person is positive, does not use conflict agents, shows syntony, behaves with restraint and dignity in conflict, not because he is familiar with the recommendations of psychologists, but simply because he was raised that way. In many cases, practical psychology is needed only insofar as a person did not receive the proper education at one time.
Unfortunately, the facts show that in Russia education is lower than in other countries. It is Russian tourists who receive the most complaints about their behavior abroad, and the creator of the anonymous social network Secret, David Bittov, sadly stated that “In no other country in the world do people publish such an amount of indecent content.” People with the Russian mentality have to be specially explained that anonymity is needed not only to talk about dirty sex and other people’s relationships.
True good manners manifests itself at home, in your family, in relationships with relatives
Opinion of Dmitry Sergeevich Likhachev, literary critic and cultural historian, academician of the USSR Academy of Sciences
If a man on the street lets an unfamiliar woman pass ahead, opens the door for her, but at home does not help his wife wash the dishes, he is an ill-mannered person. If he is polite with his acquaintances, but gets irritated with his family over every little thing, he is an ill-mannered person. If he does not take into account the habits, desires, preferences of his loved ones, he is an ill-mannered person. And if he likes to joke about his wife and children, sometimes even humiliating them, especially in front of strangers, this man is simply stupid. At the heart of all good manners is care - care that a person does not interfere with another, so that everyone feels good together. You don’t need to memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing - the need to respect others.
