The division of "housework" is not practiced in many modern families. A woman today is busy making money, raising and caring for children, and doing housework, while a man after work watches TV, plays computer games, drinks beer with friends and goes to watch football. After a while, many wives become very tired and irritable, especially if their housework becomes a “second shift” after a hard day at work.
In order to correct such an unfair situation and avoid a crisis in the marriage, it is necessary to create an action plan that will not only motivate your husband to help around the house, but will promote harmony and balance in the family. So how can you teach your husband to help with housework?
Action plan for sharing household responsibilities:
1. Make a list of all the weekly things you do. Determine what needs to be accomplished during the week. When defining mandatory tasks, it would be a good idea to involve your husband in the process so that he understands what housework is and how much effort you expend in completing it.
Typical household chores include:
Cleaning in all areas of the house;
Washing, ironing, folding laundry;
Going to grocery and other stores;
Cooking, washing dishes;
Payment of bills;
Work in the yard, garden, cottage;
Attending extracurricular activities with children, visiting the doctor with children, etc.
Pet care, including vet visits, feeding, etc.
2. Identify easy, medium and difficult tasks. Rate each task based on how time-consuming it is and how often it must be completed. For example, washing floors can be classified as moderate, but taking a child to kindergarten, cooking food and washing dishes is a challenging task.
As you write this list, consider ways you could make housework easier. For example, you can upgrade your vacuum cleaner or buy a more effective detergent.
3. Ask for help. If you don't ask, he may not know you need help. Take time to discuss things with your husband. But don’t find out who should do what in the family immediately after a quarrel. Distribute responsibilities based on the capabilities and daily routine of each family member. Try to explain to your husband the need for his help in performing household chores.
Start the story by saying how much you appreciate what your husband does around the house. List the tasks he already performs, talk about how his additional contribution will be invaluable. Then move on to explain how you feel like you've taken on more than you can handle. Ask him to help you. Show him a list of tasks so he can see the variety of chores you're trying to get done.
Don't feel sorry for him because you think it's unfair that you do most of the housework. Just tell him that his contribution will help save your energy and time, and you will have more time to spend with your family.
Ask him to look through the entire list and find cases that he will not object to. Perhaps he will take on responsibilities that do not require experience in household, like bathing pets, sweeping, or cleaning toilets.
Since he has never done such household chores, tell him how you do the work and when. Don't tell your husband that he has to do this on a certain day, leave him the right to choose. Don't worry if he doesn't use your exact approach to the job, let him do it his way.
4. Consider developing a team approach to household chores. Once a week, set aside time when you can do something together, for example, to clean the house, after which find time for joint leisure. Saturday morning good time for such events, unless there are other obligations, as the rest of the weekend is free.
Doing household chores together is much more pleasant and fun for everyone. For example, you cook, he washes the dishes. He beats the carpets, the child wipes the dust and puts away his toys, and you wash the floors and vacuum. And so on.
5. If you are wondering how to teach your husband to help with housework, then be flexible and patient. It takes time to change old habits, especially when only one person has made the effort to keep the house clean. If your husband forgets to do something around the house, then simply gently remind him of his part of the work.
Give your husband "simple" chores to do around the house, such as taking out the trash, sweeping floors, beating carpets. Eliminate household chores that he might not be able to handle, such as accidentally washing white and pink items in the washing machine at high temperatures.
6. Involve children in household chores. Children should study in early age, how to manage basic housework, so ask them to clean the mirrors, make their bed, put away their toys.
7. If you and your husband work a lot, determine if you have the financial ability to contact a special service that deals with cleaning the premises.
8. If your husband refuses to help with housework and does not compromise, then ask him to at least go to the grocery store after work and pick up the children from school or kindergarten.
“Tell me, how can I explain to my husband that I married him and didn’t adopt him?”
(Internet)
Unfortunately, it often happens that we women have to cope with household chores alone. While the husband, tired from work, lies on the sofa in front of the TV. Cooking dinner (breakfast, lunch), washing, ironing, vacuuming, working with children - this is far from full list our women's affairs.
And no one cares that we also get tired at work, we also want to lie down for an hour, go to a beauty salon or the gym. Why does it happen that our men don’t help us with housework at all? And is there any way to fix this? Let's talk about everything in order...
Remember how you behaved at the initial stage of the relationship: you tried to please him, took care of him. Then, when you started living together, you tried to be an exemplary housewife, putting almost everything on your fragile shoulders. This became the first and most main mistake. There is no need to accustom a man to the fact that a woman should do everything herself.
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Feel free to introduce him to the household right away: with a sweet smile, ask him to take out the trash, wash the dishes, put his shoes in order, etc. Let some simple tasks, such as throwing out the trash or vacuuming, become some kind of responsibilities for him (even if this you will spend more than one month).
But now you have lived together for some time, the fervor of love has subsided, passion has been replaced by a calm and measured life. My husband has become lazy... What should I do?
Flatter
Ask your husband to do something (wash the dishes). After he does it, call on all your acting talent to help and begin to admire the quality of the work done (even if it is far from ideal). The main thing here is not to overdo it with praise (otherwise he will immediately see through it) and try to be as sincere as possible.
“Darling, why didn’t you say before that you’re so good at washing dishes? No dishwasher will wash this pan so clean! You know, I'm shocked to the core! And one more thing... You do it so sexy...” - after that, passionately kiss your man and for another forty minutes, in between, make enthusiastic eyes. Do this a couple of times, and your husband will always be happy to wash all the dishes himself - he will simply believe that this is truly his calling.
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Make it worse
My husband has been unable to hammer in a protruding nail for a long time. Then challenge him and... lose!
With the words: “I can score it myself!”, take the hammer, as if accidentally dropping it on your leg (don’t overdo it, if he doesn’t see, then just pretend that you dropped it), groan. But again, take the hammer and start hammering the nail. Try to miss, hit at random with the hammer, or “accidentally” hit your finger (slightly). You must do everything so that your man grabs the hammer from you and, with the words “Look how it’s done!”, finally hammers in this nail. Bottom line: the nail is hammered, and your man is bursting with feeling self-esteem.
"Kick out" from home
Some women do household chores much faster and better when they are home alone. If you are one of these women, then sign up your child for some section and let your husband take him to this section. And so that your husband doesn’t get bored, let him take some gadget (such as a tablet) or an interesting book with him. And the wolves are fed (you are happy that you did everything calmly), and the sheep are safe (and the child is at work, and the husband).
Take advantage of new products household appliances
If your husband is interested in technical innovations, then let these new items be correct: a vacuum cleaner, a multicooker, washing machine. Entrust the choice to your husband, convincing him that no one understands technology better than him. Let him buy a fancy vacuum cleaner, which you won’t even be able to turn on without his help, let alone clean it (naturally, such a vacuum cleaner does not exist in nature, the main thing is to convince your husband of this). Or get a slow cooker (which is a real time saver) and ask your husband to teach you how to use it.
And remember the main rule family life: Be less nervous (save your health and nerves), sincerely admire your man and more often “turn on” your acting talents, which every woman has!
Come with your husband after a hard day at work and take your usual seats? He is waiting for a delicious dinner in front of the TV, and you are in the kitchen preparing that very desired dinner. Is this a familiar situation? And there is still a weekend ahead filled with cleaning, laundry and going to the market. All these plans are well known to your husband, but no matter how they concern him, if the door falls off or the socket is acting up, then yes, I’ll do it this weekend.
Of course, you can leave everything as it is – “women’s” work and “men’s” work. True, such a division occurred when women sat at home, “guarding the hearth,” and the male breadwinner brought animals or wages as the only source of livelihood for the family. Today “everything is mixed up in the Danish kingdom”, you don’t spend the day in household chores and can’t greet your husband with pies, you rush to work just like him in the morning, and in the evening you come tired and your salary is no less. Of course, we don’t recommend comparing salaries (if you quarrel, he’ll go to bed on the sofa, completely misunderstood and offended), nor do we recommend forcing your husband into the kitchen to restore justice, because the doors don’t fly off that often, and you cook food every day, it’s enough teach your husband to help you.
“Instructions” on how to get an ideal husband - assistant
- We ask for help.
You will be very surprised, but not every man understands without a hint what kind of burden you bear while doing housework. They firmly believe that conjuring pots gives you great pleasure, a vacuum cleaner in your hands is as natural as it is with a sandwich, and the bags you bring from the store are as easy for you as they are for him.
Press on pity, complain how tired you are and ask, ask for help from such a strong and beloved man. A simple call for help can work wonders. You can put pressure on your conscience by sorting out the bags you brought, tell how sympathetically people in the store, especially men, looked at you. You will definitely make your next purchases together, or he will ask you in the morning for a list of what you need to buy. Who likes to have their woman pitied? - Teach the “clueless.”
Many “caring” mothers, when raising their sons, completely protect them from housework. They do the housework themselves, their grandmothers help, they bring in their sister so that they can “grow up as a housewife,” but not their son. So you get your husband at home - “hands are hooks”, he would gladly help, but he has no idea where to turn on the vacuum cleaner or how to load the washing machine. No matter how strange it may seem to you, teach your husband basic things, explain without ridicule that plates are washed on both sides, and not just the one where the food was. Praise him for his efforts, note how well he is doing, much better than you. It turns out that he didn’t help you not because he didn’t want to, but simply because he didn’t know how to do it correctly. - Learn to negotiate.
Catch your husband in his desires. Let's say, after talking on the phone with his mother, he happily reports that, or on the way from work, he bought movie tickets. Rejoice with him and immediately get scared - how will you have time, the soup on the stove is just boiling, the vacuum cleaner is disassembled and the dishes have not been washed. Invite him to speed up the process and take one task for himself, men like to use time rationally, “twice as fast” is the best argument. - Complicity.
Do not ask a man to do something around the house for you, even if you have already done a lot of work, only together. Another man will never miss a lucrative offer. Start vacuuming the room and “cast a fishing rod” - and let you finish cleaning, and in the meantime I’ll fry us your favorite potatoes. The husband will immediately calculate his benefit and get an easier job and delicious food in the future, you don’t have to wait to challenge the offer. But be sure to remember, complicity should always be there, so when he repairs something, also don’t sit, do your job or be ready to help him. - Not all at once.
Remember, men and women are different different worlds. Men cannot be multifunctional; they perform all tasks strictly step by step; these are “seven-task” women who do everything at the same time. Therefore, you need to give your husband one specific task. “Do it together” is not a phrase for men. They asked you to take the dog for a walk, don’t shout after him: “At the same time, wipe out the rug and grab the trash,” give tasks one at a time, as you complete them, don’t overload your husband’s brain. - Praise.
Everyone loves praise
(Based on the article by Dili Enikeeva “My husband doesn’t help around the house”)
A familiar picture: the husband comes home from work, says he is tired, lies down on the sofa, watches TV or reads the newspaper. And the wife also returns from work and is also tired - but she has to spend the whole evening doing housework.
Some women do not begin to demand help around the house immediately, but only several years after marriage. When a woman just gets married, she copes with everything easily. And she enjoys housework; she enjoys the role of a young housewife. And then children appear, and it becomes difficult for her to run the house alone. This is where she comes to the conclusion that it would be good to involve her husband in this matter.
You won't achieve anything with reproaches and complaints. Keep in mind that many men grew up with everything ready-made, not knowing their mother’s refusal for anything. Mom tried to pamper her son with delicious food. He got up from the table without thinking about who would wash the dishes after him. He took a clean shirt and underwear, not thinking who washed it all.
Before marriage, a man was accustomed to managing his own free time. After work, he went to have fun with friends or girls. He was not ashamed when he had fun or sat in front of the TV, and his mother did the cleaning and laundry. In the same way, he will consider it normal if you run around the house and he rests.
Many men get so used to such a life that they don’t even regard it as a wife’s dignity and the results of her constant work. They are used to the fact that the mother coped with all the housework herself, and they believe that this is not a merit, but a woman’s responsibility.
The husband must have a certain range of responsibilities - and not just agree to help when you ask him about it. Therefore, immediately specify the responsibilities of everyone. For example, you take on everything related to the kitchen, laundry, and routine cleaning. And all the hard work (purchasing groceries, participating in general cleaning, repairs) is taken on by the husband.
If he honestly does his share of housework, then don’t go too far and don’t demand more from him. You had a specific agreement with him: he fulfilled his responsibilities, and you handle yours yourself. If he did everything he needed and sat down to rest, then don’t bother him with requests to help you with something else. This is no longer according to the rules.
Let him know that you will not give up on your demands. Let him know that it is useless to resist. Until you achieve your goal, you will not get off it.
And most importantly, do not act jerkily (either you do everything yourself, otherwise you suddenly attack your husband with reproaches and demands to fulfill his duties). This educational work needs to be carried out daily and systematically, gradually involving the husband in household chores and accustoming him to them. He will quickly get used to it if he is interested in peace and quiet in the family.
But there are other situations. If a husband works a lot, earns good money and really needs rest, then many women are not offended that he does not help them with the housework, but manages just fine on their own. They rightly believe that in this case such a distribution of family responsibilities is quite reasonable.
