Confession of infidelity and statement of the fact of an extramarital affair are two fundamentally different situations in meaning.
In both cases, they talk about betrayal in order to involve the other in resolving a difficult crisis situation and relieve oneself of the burden of secrecy and responsibility.

Why do they admit to treason?

1) When one of the spouses loves his “other half”, and the extramarital affair was an accidental misunderstanding, then it is difficult to bear the secret burden of adultery and live under the pressure of guilt. I really want to admit to cheating, be honest in my own eyes and receive forgiveness.

2) If love for both women lives in the heart at the same time, then the soul simply cannot bear the burden of carrying two loves within itself. After all, in relation to each of them, “betrayal” is committed: at the moment when a man is with his mistress, he is cheating on his wife, and when in the family, he is cheating on his mistress. There is a double burden. Then confessing to betrayal sounds like a cry for help: dear, help me cope with temptation and recover from “love madness.” Freeing oneself from such a burden, on the one hand, makes the situation easier - it removes the burden of duality from the soul, but on the other hand, the situation becomes more complicated, since it requires a decision to be made: stay in the family and part with the mistress, or leave the family for the mistress. in this case has a deeper meaning and more devastating consequences.

3) Often men and women do not want to end their marriage, they just dream of “taking a walk on the side” and at the same time saving the family. If there is no love for your spouse and no desire to change the situation, there is no point in admitting to cheating. In this case, the “traitor” chooses and either “lives in two houses” or constantly has various short-term relationships on the side.

4) If one of the spouses decided to leave the family and create a new one, then this is no longer a confession of treason, but a statement of the fact of a change in life: love changes, a different marriage contract and a different family are created. Cheating occurs where there is love and a desire to save the marriage. When a decision is made to change one’s life, the person seems to be announcing that he is leaving the old marriage union with the goal of creating a new one.

It happens that it is difficult to decide on the final step - the destruction of the family. Then a confession about a parallel life is necessary in order to shift responsibility to the second spouse, who will push for a real change in life: he will pack his things and throw him out the door.

Of course, admitting to treason can become a reason for a showdown in order to end some relationship or justify its destruction. If there have been scandals in the family for several years, a lot of grievances, discontent, and compromising evidence have accumulated, then confessing to treason is a reason to throw out what has accumulated.

Women often admit to cheating on demand, without even cheating. It so happens that interrogation of a husband with passion forces a woman to confess even to something that actually did not happen, just to stop the torture and satisfy the desire and curiosity of her husband.

Unlike men's, it can proceed according to a different principle, have other mechanisms and lead to other consequences.

The very fact of adultery cannot be simply overcome; something must change. After all, betrayal concerns not only the one who cheated and the one who was cheated on, but also all family members and even the social circle.
Will betrayal escalate into a fire in which families will be destroyed and children will suffer, or is there a way to localize it?

It is pointless to look for answers to all these painful questions from those around you (relatives and friends) - no one is ready to truly take responsibility for your feelings and your family.
It is much wiser to seek professional help from a psychologist.

After all, in any case, changes are already happening and it is better to do everything possible to make them as painless as possible, and you can get out of the situation with minimal losses and make this crisis a point of strengthening the family.

Different people have different criteria for cheating. Is it just about sex? If so, which one exactly? Is sex with a prostitute cheating? What if the affair was purely virtual? If feelings are involved in treason, is this an aggravating circumstance? What's worse - the fact of cheating or the fact that you found out about it?

It would be good for you and your partner to decide on these issues in advance, even before the start of a serious relationship. If they come up (and for many it is not “if”, but “when”), it will happen unexpectedly, and then there will be no time for balanced discussions.

If there is a universal definition, it sounds like this:

Cheating is a violation of promises of romantic and sexual exclusivity that is not sanctioned by a partner.

Why do people cheat

Everyone knows that Tolstoy wrote about happy and unhappy families. The same principle can be applied to cheating: as many couples as there are so many reasons. But there are general trends.

Biology

Evolution optimized humans for reproduction rather than monogamy. At the beginning of a relationship (at the stage that is commonly called falling in love), certain hormones are released in the human body that regulate and maintain these feelings.

The set is partially different for men and women, but the mechanism itself is aimed at one goal: to bring two people together for a time sufficient for them to conceive a child and take care of him together while he is in infancy. “Then - as evolution tells us - figure it out yourself.”

This does not mean that people are not capable of long-term monogamy. It’s just that in this game we initially do not have a very successful “hand”.

Commitment to diversity

At the core of desire is novelty. The entire market for pornography and erotic goods is built on this law. We are turned on by what we have not yet tried, which is why in the embryonic stage of love desire hits the brain so hard, but over the years it melts away, and this is a completely natural process.

There are couples who know how to rekindle passion and look at such a familiar person with a “new look,” but for this you need to know yourself very well, know your partner and have a reserve of patience.

In the daily hustle and bustle, when you have a lot of things to do and a lot of children on your hands, it’s often easier to find a quick “dose” on the side.

Dissatisfaction

“We have different libidos,” “I love BDSM, but my husband doesn’t,” “I love blowjobs, but my wife is disgusted.” Paradoxically, such “little details” often become clear when months, if not years, of relationship are already behind you.

Libido may be hypertrophied in the initial stages (see the previous paragraph), but drop down to a level that is natural for a person (and yes, this also happens to men) when dates in a dark cinema are replaced by a general budget and untaken trash.

Many people at first go for atypical or even uncomfortable things in sex (because they are overwhelmed with feelings or in the expectation of “this is just this one time”), and then they are surprised to discover that this is not a one-time thing at all and that without hormonal euphoria, whipping a partner They don't have any fun with a whip anymore.

If a person is not ready to compromise, his undesirable partner is faced with a choice: deny himself and endure, or seek satisfaction on the side. Many choose the latter. And they can be understood.

It's done - what's next?

Hundreds of pages of text can be (and have been) written about how to prevent betrayal, but we are talking about a fait accompli with two assumptions:

1. Cheating is an anomaly. A partner who goes beyond the agreements does not do this systematically, it just happened this time.
2. The other participant in the relationship found out about this one way or another.

Both

Understand the reasons

Ideally, this is a job for two, but if you cheated, and your partner is only able to think in interjections and swear words, then the responsibility for soul-searching and analysis lies primarily with you. “They didn’t give me two years,” “I just love sleeping with different people,” “I don’t want him/her anymore” - here everything is more or less clear, although the situation can often be corrected.

It’s another matter when you yourself don’t understand why you changed it. Or you know, but want to repeat the situation. Then you'll have to get to the bottom of it. Maybe go to a psychoanalyst or get drunk with a close friend who knows you well and is not afraid to tell the truth. You can learn a lot of new things about yourself.

If you have been cheated on and the scarlet veil has already subsided, the main thing is not to get carried away with self-flagellation (even if it is you who are to blame) or accusations (this does not help for long, and you can say too much). To start, simply answer the question; why did the betrayal happen? This answer often contains a recipe for reviving the relationship or an understanding that there is nothing left to revive.

Don't involve everyone in this

The desire to cry (or consult) in such a situation is completely understandable, but there are three rules.

quantity ≠ quality

what you need vs what a friend can give you

with mutual friends we take special care

Firstly, there is not always a direct relationship between the number of tears cried / details replicated and your well-being. At some point, when the severity subsides a little, you should close your mouth, wipe away your tears and decide something.

Secondly, not all friends are the same. There are people who know how to listen. Others are good at keeping secrets. Still others can give good advice. If there is one person who combines all three qualities, you are lucky. Otherwise, choose your “vests” and your advisors wisely and make it clear exactly what you expect from the conversation.

The third rule speaks for itself.

And never involve children

Young children suffer the most from such situations. Yes, you are offended, hurt, lousy, but at least you understand what is happening and can take control of the situation. They can't.

What happened relates only to you, and the child who idolizes you is not able to understand the nuances. When he enters the room without knocking and asks his mother: “Why are you crying?” - or asks dad why he is packing things, there is not a single reasonable reason to tell the truth. Or half-truths. Or even hint.

No matter what happens, no matter how difficult your situation is, your children are not to blame for anything, they love their parents and want everything to be fine in their world. Let your problems not affect them. They will grow up - explain if necessary.

If you changed

Give your partner what he wants

Someone wants to cry. Let him cry. Someone - burn the photographs. Let them burn. Someone wants to know all the details. Really, until my knees tremble. With whom, how, when, how it happened. In what position? If you can't get away with it, give them. Without emotions, without panache or complacency, just dry facts.

Some people want to be alone and think things through. Pack your things and go to your friends/sister/parents. Or don’t stop your partner from leaving on his own if he can’t bear to be in your common home.

Don't judge, interpret, or laugh at the absurd ways a person tries to cope with stress. Just step aside and try not to wince when the set your mother gave you as a housewarming gift flies against the wall. You didn't really like him.

Patience!

Don't force a return to the status quo. What you are used to - a warm smile at breakfast, a kiss before leaving for work, sex, after all - may be postponed indefinitely. Even if you were forgiven in words, the sediment, as they say, remains, and it must be given time to settle.

Someday it will be overwhelmed by new pleasant impressions and emotions - you will be surprised how often the absence of some little thing, like a kiss before work, straightens your mind and reminds you of what you could have lost - but for now you will have to live in a state of “cold war”.

If they cheated on you

Refuse to cheat “in return”

Firstly, such decisions are impulsive, and the “accomplice” is chosen not from the head, but according to the principle of “whoever turns up” or worse - “to make it hurt more”, like the brother or sister of the traitor, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. In the best case scenario you will be able to forget about your problems. For a minute. In the worst case (if a connection with someone from your close circle is revealed when you and your partner have made peace, for example), a huge scandal will happen.

Many are ready to forgive accidental betrayal, but not with “this” person.

Set your priorities

We've come to the point. The point is that you are faced with a choice.

»
What's more important?

Don't answer right away. Don’t say “well, of course, the first one,” because you think that someone expects this from you. Really weigh it.

In a relationship beyond the stage of falling in love, it is very easy to get bogged down in routine and forget why you actually love the person. Why is he so important to you? Why do you value him and want to be with him more than with anyone else.

Take this betrayal as a reason to wake up and look around. You have been pulled out of your usual waters by the hair. What now?

Be honest with yourself

There are people for whom betrayal is the worst thing possible, a complete fiasco, an unforgivable blow. If this sounds like you, act accordingly. It doesn’t matter whether it’s good or bad, you are designed that way, and often trying to go against your nature in an effort to preserve a relationship at any cost can completely sink this boat.

Even if you hold back with all your might, don’t say anything, don’t show anything - it’s all the same. This persistent resentment, like a cancerous tumor, will whine day after day, give no rest, eat from the inside - if not your relationship, then yourself. Eventually, you will either break down (and the longer you hold on, the more subtle and dangerous the breakdown will be), or you will be so exhausted that breaking up will be a relief.

Have pity on yourself.

Total

Cheating is a sensitive topic, and the main reason here is that we often (especially in love) apply extremely strict standards to ourselves and our loved ones. Find any statistical study on divorce. One of the main reasons is betrayal. Most spouses (both men and women) cheated at least once while they were in the union. But people still expect absolute fidelity, and many believe that this is a given, that it is “natural” (whatever that means) and should come without effort.

The truth is that being faithful in a long-term relationship is difficult for almost everyone. That's why in romantic comedies we rarely see what happens after "I love you." Dirty diapers disappear on their own and everyone always has an orgasm.

Let's not pretend and just talk about it. Because the connection between two people does not have to end with one mistake.

“All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” said the classic and, in general, he turned out to be right. There is no ideal form of preserving a marriage, there is no elixir of eternal happiness. By making vows, we do not guarantee that our feelings will not change the next day, and it is completely regrettable to realize that none of us is immune from betrayal. No one will tell you how to react to the cruel truth called “my man is cheating on me”: reconcile or fight, leave or keep the faithful, but the author of [email protected] Polina Tabagari, after listening to real stories of male infidelity, together with the heroines of the article, honestly I tried to find the answer to this eternal question.

Wives vs mistresses: war or peace? It is generally accepted that wives are some kind of faceless, scary, unkempt, unhappy creatures. They like to present them as practically feeble old women compared to their young lovers. I want to dissuade you: yes, they are absolutely normal, no, they are not terminally ill (if they tell you that this is the main reason for his being legally married), they know how to cook, and he eats well at home, and, by the way, he even knows something in bed, this is in case you still believe in fairy tales, as if he, while meeting you, stopped all sexual relations with his legal wife. Okay, I’ll finally debunk the myth: albeit less often than, say, 10 years ago, sex happens regularly among legal spouses. In general, they are ordinary women and for the most part not even such monsters as their faithful ones excitedly tell their new lovers. I think this endless war between mistresses and wives is artificially inflated precisely by the very object of discord - the man: it is convenient to live in two houses, in each of which he is treated kindly from all sides, where both women equally want to prove that it is with her that he is waiting unearthly happiness, as soon as he chooses one of the two (and sometimes three or more). By the way, men rarely leave their wives, at least straight to their mistress. I don't have enough courage. This is how all three of them live in the torments of hell. Mistresses- eternal sufferers, waiting for years for an illusory solution, cursing hated and disgusting shrew wives, wasting precious time on a person who is not able to appreciate it. Remember how in a scene from the movie “What else do men talk about?” when one of the characters quotes his mistress's phrase: “Only you live your life, and I live yours. And when you leave, your life continues, but mine ends.”. A wives, to whom, believe me, it does not bring great joy to see how the chosen one flutters on the wings of love and passion around a new object of desire, that another woman is capable of making him happy, and you are no longer quoted - this hurts and kills even the most persistent. For some reason, no one thinks about the feelings of their other halves: watching your world fall apart into pieces, and you can’t do anything. (Yes, yes, another saying from urban legends - having learned about betrayal, they do not run to the salon to change their image, because for the most part they already look quite decent). In general, it is impossible to definitely say who is worse - them or the one who is second in line. AND man- the “crown of creation” and the apple of discord in this triangle - is tormented, but is in no hurry to make a decision, drags his feet, leaving everything to chance, thereby forcing himself and, it would seem, beloved and dear women to suffer. But let's put aside the lyrics and theory. So, the fact of betrayal is obvious, and what the final outcome of the love affair will be is, for the most part, decided by the wives. The blame is theirs, the decision is ours. Anna and Maxim: blessed is he who believes “Maxim was the embodiment of an ideal for me from day one. I tirelessly repeated the same phrase to my loved ones: “Apparently, I did something very good in my life, since I got Maxim.” From the moment of courtship until I saw him with another woman, I was absolutely happy. After his adultery, the world was divided into “before and after.” I don’t know how I survived this nightmare. My father grew me like a hothouse plant, then carefully “handed me over” into Maxim’s hands, and my future husband tried to protect me from everything, maintaining the illusion of an ideal marriage and an ideal world around me. Now I can sadly state this: almost all men cheat. One-night stands, periodic infidelities to maintain tone, constant parallel relationships on the side, but this truth does not make it any easier. Many women, faced with their husband’s infidelity, resort to various tricks: the notorious change of wardrobe, secret revenge in order to regain self-confidence, manipulations with the health and health of children, showdowns with their mistress, sometimes ugly methods, but effective - in war, all means are needed good. I decided for myself: I won’t hold anyone back, since he feels good there, let him leave. I packed my things and asked out the door. What began after that was a one-man show. Prayers, requests, screams, tears, persuasion, begged for forgiveness for days, showered with flowers and gifts. I gave up, took her back, but I’ll tell you honestly, something broke in me, there’s no trust, and it hasn’t increased much in two years. We are expecting our first child, so I no longer have the strength or desire to worry about what happened in the past, but what I would like in the future is to remain completely ignorant, not know, not see, “blessed is he who believes,” as they say, and for me this is the only way to live happily.” Olga and Vladimir: there is no place for tears, there is a place for healthy humor “If we talk about my story, I always thought that living in eternal triangles is the lot of the rich and wealthy and this will not affect our family. Vladimir is a simple security guard at a nightclub, we live modestly, so I wasn’t particularly worried that someone might covet such a 110-kilogram “miracle” and try to take her away from the family. I was wrong. Lelya became a member of the family for almost 5 years. At first he denied everything. I, not wanting to put up with betrayal, more than once collected his things, never left, swore that everything was between them, and after a couple of months it became obvious that the affair was in full swing. Gradually, our story grew from melodrama into comedy. One day this Lelya calls me and screams into the phone so that I don’t destroy true love, let him go, they say, he’s suffering with me. I calmly answer her: “I’m not keeping anyone, you understand, he doesn’t leave on his own, take him!” She screams that “this can’t be happening!” I hand him the phone and say: “You are completely insolent, you can’t figure it out without me! Go away, they are waiting for you in another house.” So he ran as if scalded, away from the phone and, in fact, from responsibility. She forgave him for that too. I am sincerely amazed at my reaction: knowing that the family budget does not suffer from the love pleasures of her husband (she rented a hotel with her own money and bought expensive gifts for him), she completely “forgot” about this whole situation. A year ago I called for the last time, crying: “I’m 31, I spent almost 5 years on him than I previously thought.” They won’t believe whoever I tell, I consoled my husband’s mistress so that she would come to her senses and realize that the reason is not me or even her, he himself no longer wants to change anything, and I would be glad to start all over again, but I don’t have the strength, I have to raise children. This is how we confessed to each other: the abandoned wife and the failed one, irreconcilable enemies, both roared into the phone about their fate. What advice would I give to other abandoned people? Treat it with humor - this is a proven solution not to end up in a mental hospital from many years of infidelity, at least it became a real salvation for me personally.” Ekaterina and Igor: no one knows how to do it right “The richer the man, the more loyal the wife - I have developed for myself such a formula for surviving reality. Igor had mistresses before Marina, he didn’t even particularly hide it, needless to say, the whole city and all his acquaintances knew that he had other permanent women. The affair with Marina lasted for eight whole years. We never discussed this, but unspoken it became the norm: he spends weekdays with his family, weekends with her, vacations abroad alternated with trips with her. I am the main wife, she is secondary. If at first I analyzed and reproached myself that my family is, in fact, a fiction, a theater on weekdays, this is all wrong, it shouldn’t be like this. But I only drove myself to hysteria, because otherwise I had everything you could dream of, and even a loving and caring husband five days a week. How did I save myself from my husband’s loveliness and accept his lifestyle? “No one knows what is right” - this phrase became my consolation. It’s right for me that I am loved, my children are provided for and live in a complete, prosperous family, we are together on all holidays, he has remained my support and support for more than 22 years, and this already means something.” Inna and Oleg: I don’t love you, but I won’t let you go “I understood everything as soon as he returned home in the evening, I realized that from today my life must change. Women always feel their husband’s betrayal or his desire to get a divorce and leave the family in the near future. At first I hoped that the affair would end soon. Oleg is a prominent man in the prime of his life, successful, powerful, I never had any illusions about his 100% fidelity, but this was completely different. Oleg, perhaps for the first time in his life, truly fell in love, it was visible to the naked eye, he was happy and unhappy at the same time, torn between duty and feelings. He showered (even cajoled) me with gifts, and he himself found a reason to sneak out of the house, did not part with his phone, and smiled tenderly when he received and sent text messages. Over the course of 16 years, I learned it too well, so I decided to fight for my husband. Why should I give her everything that was acquired with such difficulty? Now he is wealthy and successful, she didn’t wander around rented apartments with him, she didn’t live on the same salary with a small child, hatred was seething inside me - I won’t let him go for anything! Every day SHE began to grow into a greater threat to my family and my children. It is known that, in principle, if a husband does not leave in the first six months or a year, then he will never leave again. I had to hold out for a maximum of a year, and I began to act. Don't judge me. This is my life, my husband, my wealth, my well-established way of life, which I don’t want to part with, I wasn’t going to share it, my money, or my husband’s time. Firstly, I created all the conditions so that the family began to occupy all his free time: visits to friends, trips to relatives in another city for any reason, either I get sick or the children. The second point was the reconstruction of the family nest - she started renovating the apartment, then persuaded her to start building a house. She was apparently angry that she almost didn’t get to see them, but I, on the contrary, behaved in an exemplary manner, and gradually felt that my marriage was not in danger. Oleg somehow wilted, even aged a little, he chose us in the end, I was triumphant - I received both a husband and a secure future for myself and my loved ones. Maybe this is cruel, but he himself chose to stay in the family - this is obvious, and maybe he didn’t love her so much. I don’t want to understand these feelings, the main thing is the result: he’s at home and he’s unlikely to dare make another attempt to let another woman into his heart. Actually, everything goes away if the relationship is not maintained and not allowed to develop.” Should I leave or stay? These are just a few examples of the diversity of human destinies. Each heroine chose her own strategy of behavior, or rather was forced to take a certain position. After the betrayal has been established, a reasonable question arises: what next? If the option to “leave” is unacceptable, all that remains is to forgive (at least in words): either you accept it or not, there is no third option. Living forever in anticipation of the next betrayal, not forgiving, not forgetting, clinging to pain and the past is a guarantee of mental suffering for both you and your loved ones. Photo: Legion-Media.ru

Loyalty is one of the most important moments of family life. Of course, happy are those people who have not had to experience the bitter taste of betrayal in their lives. However, even very loving and adoring halves of each other do not always manage to achieve complete harmony in creating a strong family union. What to do if one of the spouses turns out to be unfaithful to their partner? What is betrayal and how to survive it?

The main thing in the article

The terrible word treason: what can it really be?

Treason... How many destinies have been broken, tears have been shed and families have been destroyed because of this phenomenon! However, what does this word mean? What exactly is adultery? Is she as scary as they say she is?

Treason is the violation of fidelity of one partner to another, regardless of whether they are related by marriage or not. Most often, we are talking about sexual contact “on the side,” although many of us consider one of our partners to be in love with another person as betrayal, arguing that “moral betrayal is worse than physical.”

Cheating is most often not an accident or an unfortunate misunderstanding that destroyed an ideal relationship, but an offensive consequence of problems that arose between partners. It does not arise out of nowhere and always has its own reasons, which we often do not want to notice.

Adultery is a kind of signal that the family vessel, if it has not yet crashed into everyday life, has developed a noticeable leak. You can treat her differently: some husbands have had a constant mistress for years, and more than one, and their wives pretend not to notice anything; others, as soon as they suspect a man of infidelity, immediately break off the relationship.

In any case, a loving person has two scales in front of him: on one of them is love and a calm relationship with his partner, on the other is a short-term affair, momentary lust. It’s simple: if the other side of the scale outweighs, then the sincerity of his love should be doubted.

There is an excellent phrase: “You can seduce a man who has a mistress or a wife, but not one who has a beloved woman.”

The difference between female and male infidelity

From a psychological point of view, male infidelity is fundamentally different from female infidelity. In male infidelity, the element of betrayal itself is most often missing. A man often does not experience deep feelings and emotional attachment for the object with whom he cheats on a woman. Often this is just a momentary whim, passion or inability to suppress an instinct that has played out inappropriately and inappropriately.

A woman cannot cheat on her man if she does not feel affection or deeper feelings for the object of betrayal. Thus, a woman’s path to betrayal lies through the cooling of her feelings for her husband: she begins to be attracted to another man. A man, on the contrary, cheating on his wife, continues to love her, sometimes even more than before betraying her. This is why female infidelity is NOT comparable to male infidelity.

Female infidelity is a more destructive thing for marriage and relationships. Male infidelity is often easy, superficial, and, if a woman does not find out about it, is not capable of destroying either a relationship or a marriage.

While a man has a relationship on the side in the evening, and in the morning he may not even remember the name of his passion, a woman, with rare exceptions, will not be able to give herself to the first person she meets: she will diligently choose a man with whom she despairs of cheating on her loved one.

The next difference between male infidelity and female infidelity is that when a man cheats on his wife, he is basically convinced that his woman is superior to the object of infidelity, and he begins to treat his wife more reverently and touchingly. A woman, on the contrary, idealizes her lover, and her attitude towards her husband will only worsen. A man who is “cuckolded” is most often killed morally, compared, sexual relations with him are stopped, and in most cases the family is destroyed.

Studies have shown that men who cheat on their wives do not consider their marriage to be unsuccessful, while unfaithful wives do not hide the fact that they are unhappy in their marriage. And if A man does not always need a reason for cheating, but a woman in her infidelity always pursues some goal: be it banal revenge, a desire to assert oneself or a desire to experience new feelings.

Why do husbands cheat on their wives?

Men can cheat on their wives either simply “at the behest of instinct” or for a specific reason. There may be several reasons why husbands cheat on their wives:

• fading love : If a man has ceased to have tender feelings for his woman and has lost passion for her, it will not be easy to keep him from cheating. In this case, keeping a man near you will be pointless; you need to muster the courage to clarify, and possibly terminate, the relationship. You can blame your partner only for the fact that he was not honest, but not for the lack of love on his part.

• relationship problems : This does not mean that there is no more love. In most cases, on the contrary, with his betrayal the partner wants to make sure of the superiority of his beloved and return the passion and ardor of feelings. Instead of expressing his complaints to his wife, the man unconsciously tries to rectify the situation in a very unique way - by cheating.

That is why, from a psychological point of view, betrayal often serves as a stabilizer for relationships, and people who have experienced all the “delights” of betrayal subsequently treat their partner with greater understanding and tolerance.

• desire to try something new : all friends have mistresses, and they do not miss the opportunity to boast about their victories on the love front. And then the man decides to try to have an affair on the side - so as not to be different from others, and in order to diversify his sex life, which has become commonplace. Such connections can be either one-time or permanent - depending on the temperament and character of the man and his passion.

• lack of attention from wife : often occurs when a small child appears in the family. Routine and everyday troubles quickly tire a man, and his wife gives him fewer and fewer wonderful moments. A man has no choice but to look for love pleasures on the side: in his mistress’s bed he feels carefree, omnipotent and attractive.

• inability to resist : some women are capable of making remarkable efforts to drag the man they like into their bed. And if a man is not characterized by steadfastness of character, and there are problems in the family, then she can succeed quite easily. It happens that it is such a strong woman who subsequently takes a man away from the family.

• "drunk" : one of the most common reasons for male and female infidelity. Alcohol dulls conscience and honor, but can ignite desire and passion. Treason that occurred due to the fault of drinking alcohol often leads to nothing, since the man is not interested in continuing his fleeting relationship. But if such a relationship drags on, it means that everything did not happen by chance, and alcohol only pushed the partners who had been eyeing each other for a long time.

How to forgive your husband's betrayal and is it worth doing?

There are other reasons that can push a man to cheat, but not in all situations the most reasonable solution would be a complete break in the relationship. The solution to the problem must be sought together, without hesitation to discuss internal family problems.

If, in the case of betrayal, a person is driven by his inner experiences, the discomfort that he experiences while being next to his legal wife, then the culprit of such betrayal is not only the man.

Before a woman completely breaks off a relationship, she needs to reconsider her attitude towards her husband, understand what he lacks at home, what she “doesn’t give” him, what is offered to him in abundance “there”?

If you cannot solve internal problems at a family council, you can seek advice from an experienced psychologist who will offer options for solving a problem such as adultery.

With a qualified, correct approach, you can not only save your marriage, but also make your relationship more sincere, deep and trusting, and learn to appreciate and respect each other even more.

However, not all men are worthy of forgiveness, and the phrase “if you love, you will forgive” does not apply in all cases.

There are betrayals that cannot be forgiven. If a man cheats on his wife for a long time, doing it practically in front of her, bringing his mistress home, settling down on the family bed, or starts an affair with his wife’s best friend, it is better to send such a “male” out of your life forever.

Such betrayal is nothing more than a real betrayal, and a woman, even one who loves her husband unconditionally, will find it very difficult to forgive him.

Female infidelity: should you open up to a man?

To decide to cheat, a woman needs a VERY compelling reason. And the question of whether to tell a man about the fact of his going “on the side” or not depends only on what the woman wanted to achieve with her infidelity.

So, TOP reasons for female infidelity :

1. Revenge. If a woman feels that she is being cheated on or probably knows it, she often decides to repay the man in the same coin. At the same time, she pursues the goal of attracting attention to herself and reviving her former passion. Not every woman will dare to make her husband a “cuckold”; moreover, it is not a fact that she will achieve the return of love and affection from her husband. And complete disappointment often awaits her in her lover, so quite often, fed up with new sexual relationships, a woman returns to her husband and loves him with renewed vigor, without telling him about her infidelities, trying to save the family.
   If the husband nevertheless found out about his wife’s infidelity and forgave her, she will do everything possible to atone for her guilt.
2. New love. Sudden feelings for another man can provoke a woman to cheat. She, of course, may not succumb to obsession and “drive away” new love, but if the new man turns out to be persistent, even an impregnable fortress may fall.
   In the case of true, mutual love, there is no point in hiding infidelity from your husband. Often such “side trips” lead to the emergence of new unions, which turn out to be quite happy and long-lasting.
3. Intoxication. Alcoholic or erotic - it doesn’t matter, but it comes suddenly, like an obsession: as a result, the woman commits adultery. At the moment of infidelity, she is not embarrassed by the consequences, she is at the mercy of momentary desire.
   After it's all over, she will most likely realize her mistake, admit guilt, and never repeat it in the future. In this case, it is better to protect her beloved man from the unpleasant truth.
4. Interest. Women who did not have fun in their youth, but, once married, realized that their husband is not such a gorgeous lover as they dreamed of, decide to try something new and commit adultery. Then everything depends on what has been achieved: if betrayal ends in a whirlwind romance, passion and real feelings, there is simply no point in hiding it from your husband.
   However, more often than not, a woman becomes disappointed in her lover and returns under the wing of her legal spouse, trying never to remember how interest led her to betrayal.
5. Boredom. Women turn a blind eye to a lot: they are able to come to terms with men’s habits, routine and the role of a housewife. But not everyone can stand the constant absence of her husband from home. At the same time, many husbands are physically close to their wives, but morally out of reach.
   Naturally, a woman begins to look for a replacement for her husband: both moral and physical. If she tells her husband about her infidelities, she will most likely lose him, but if she remains silent, she will leave everything unchanged.
6. Instinct. We have heard a lot about male instincts and polygamy, but many women also have increased sexuality. Especially during the period of ovulation, in the middle of the menstrual cycle, when their libido increases to its maximum, and the desire to become fertilized simply goes off scale.
   If during this period the beloved husband is not nearby, but there is a “male” who charms the woman with his charm, she may succumb and cheat on her husband. It is during the period of ovulation that the majority of female infidelities occur.

Life after betrayal: is it easy to live after forgiving betrayal?

Cheating is, in any case, a family failure, to which, however, not all spouses react in the same way. There are different opinions about betrayal, therefore, any person will look for his own way of how to survive the infidelity of a loved one, and also decide: to move on with him in life or to part forever.

Those who, despite everything, have set out to maintain a relationship, should remember that simply “staying together” most often is not synonymous with family happiness. It is important not just to hush up betrayal and turn a blind eye to it, but to understand its reasons and your position in this situation, believe in the successful continuation of your life together, and get rid of resentment and fear of new betrayals. You should not take on the role of a victim: you need to be ready to work on yourself and on relationships within the family, to build mutual trust.

To become closer to each other again, you need to sincerely apologize and absolutely sincerely forgive, share responsibility for the damaged relationship equally, not be afraid to take a new step into a common future, be interested in your partner’s feelings and not be afraid to voice yours.

There are many couples who went through infidelity, but still stayed together, coming to terms with this fact, or forgiving their couple. Here it would be more appropriate to say that if you have already stayed together, having forgiven your partner for his mistakes, then be so wise as not to remind him of this unpleasant event in later life and not to reproach him for the affairs of days gone by.

This is what determines selfless love and respect for your soul mate - the most important component of a strong marriage.

Like everything in this life, betrayal does not come into a woman’s life by chance. This is not just a betrayal of a partner. This is a desperate attempt by life to reach you, to interrupt the lazy sleep of your inner world. The psychology of betrayal is a series of nuances that lead to severe pain.

women. Sometimes the very fact of what happened is a complete surprise for her, and sometimes it is only a confirmation of her conclusions from observations and guesses.

Of course, betrayal is especially difficult to survive when it happens out of the blue. In this case, the comfortable and protected world of a woman, in which she completely trusted her partner, collapses, falling apart.

But life doesn't end there. We need to move on with our lives. Trust people and love them.

Tsunami of betrayal

The news of her husband's betrayal undermines the foundations of trust in a woman's soul. The integrity of the couple's space is destroyed.

It is very difficult to restore the ability to trust a woman after this. Nothing will ever be the same in the union. This is the line, crossing which, you can open the relationship in a new way, moving to a new level of perception, or the connection will completely fade away on the spiritual plane - even if the partners remain living under the same roof.

But nothing will ever be the same. You will have to say goodbye to what was in the couple before the betrayal. However, this crisis may become an option where the end is the beginning of a new one.

On the eve of betrayal

Women always blame the man for everything. But your partner did not suddenly come to this decision - to build a relationship with one more woman. This means there was fire before this thick and choking smoke of defeat appeared.

What can a partner not notice in living together with a man? What is the psychology of betrayal?

Very often, women emotionally isolate themselves from their partners without seeing it. They push a man out of their space, heart, soul, turning all their attention to work and hobbies or to children and girlfriends.

But it also happens differently. A woman can become so dissolved in a man that she ends up losing herself and destroying her own personal boundaries. She literally smothers her partner with her all-consuming attention and love. And then he finds himself forced to look for a breath of freedom on the side. And then another one appears... so gentle, but independent...

Or maybe you just initially chose a man... out of habit.

So it turns out that the psychology of cheating is extremely simple: some men cheat to escape being with their partner; others run away from her clinginess and affection. Well, Don Juans simply cannot miss a single skirt.

The role of betrayal in a woman’s soul

Like everything in this life, betrayal does not come into a woman’s life by chance. It is an indicator of the malaise of your soul.

To restore relationships and trust after betrayal, a woman will have to look differently at the very fact of what happened. It's not just your partner betraying you. This is a desperate attempt by life to reach you, to interrupt the lazy sleep of your inner world. And while you see in treason only deceit men, you will not be able to heal your inner balance and trust.

Of course, if your partner turns out to be very attentive and sensitive, if he asks for your forgiveness, taking your feelings seriously, you will most likely regain your ability to trust... and become dependent on the man's behavior.

And if ever minor waves appear on the surface of the relationship, the woman will again and again plunge into her dramatic experiences of the times of betrayal. It's a vicious circle.

Trust can only be re-formed at a new level! A return to the previous life is impossible.

What is needed to make a leap to another layer of relationships?

Any spiritual transition is associated primarily with spiritual development, as well as. You will have to finally admit that a man and his actions are a reflection of your expectations and reactions repressed deep into the unconscious. This means that there is no point in blaming your partner.

When you see the dark things that were hidden in your psyche, when you realize how you yourself communicated with other people and how you hurt them, you will understand your man.

The ability to forgive

Try to remember when you behaved in life the same way your partner behaved with you. Why did you act this way? What motivated you?

So, by passing the awareness of your actions through the prism of your soul, you will be able to understand and forgive a man.

Forgiveness will become possible when you see in yourself what you don’t like about your husband, what hurts you. By forgiving and accepting yourself, you can reconcile with your partner.

Yes, it's hard. Just like how to stop blaming your husband for everything. But restoration of the soul’s ability to trust will occur only after deep forgiveness and acceptance of the man.

And you shouldn’t expect soothing and ingratiating behavior from him. There is no need to expect anything from anyone else. You need to deal with your suffering and shadows yourself! A man can support you on this path, and nothing more.

Your husband is your teacher. Messenger of karma. He again and again provokes your childhood pain to manifest itself and appear on the outside. And the most powerful stimulant of pain is betrayal.

This is your chance to heal internally - only by following the path of spirituality, reflecting on your life, can you restore the ability to trust. And the most important thing is to take the chance and grow up through this, gaining self-confidence and strength. If you have chosen the path to go into the depths of pain, and not from it, then you will feel DIFFERENT from the suffering.
Not emotionally closed and unable to love and trust, but confident and therefore calm, able to love, trust and wait.
Remember that in a relationship, responsibility lies with each partner.

Open up to new opportunities that give you the ability to forgive and understand, so that you can reach new heights of trust and love in your union.

To understand at what stage your relationship is now, in what condition it is, sign up for my.

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey