Test: Is it time to divorce your husband? How to understand whether you need to get a divorce (with your husband and wife if there is no love test)

ABC and grammar

30.08.202327.05.2017

When should a man think about separating from his wife?

she has ceased to be interested in your affairs and shows no desire to communicate;
the slightest offense causes her indignation, and every conversation strives to turn into a scandal;
does not invite you to meetings with friends or relatives;
does not show a desire to look attractive to you;
cold sexually.

When a woman decides to file for divorce from her husband

reluctance to provide for the family;
various types of violence;
treason;
addiction (alcohol, gaming, drug addiction).

Universal signs

you haven’t had warm feelings for each other for a long time;
tolerate living together for the sake of the children;
minimized spending time together;
there is no desire to do anything for the family.

Is divorce always the right choice?

Divorce is inevitable if there is:

When is it better not to rush:

Violence. If it happened once, be sure that this situation will happen again.
Constant humiliation of your personality. The psychological state of a person is very difficult to treat, and if your spouse asserts himself at the expense of your suffering, this cannot be tolerated.
Dangerous habits of your partner. Alcohol and drug addiction. If your partner does not want to get out, you have no chance of even having a normal relationship.

Infatuation with a new partner(younger/younger, sexier and more charming). Psychologists are convinced that this is a temporary hobby, and you shouldn’t rush headlong into the pool. Soon such love passes, and a desire to return to the family appears. But will they take you back after this?
Your husband/wife no longer understands you, it has become uninteresting to be together. If you truly loved your partner, then you must understand that he does not have to entertain you all the time. He also has personal concerns and problems. Learn to compromise before cutting all ties.

You can forgive your loved ones a lot. But they must appreciate this and also strive to maintain the relationship. Otherwise, your attempts are another humiliation of your personality.

A test to help you make a decision

Test No. 1

Next to each statement, select your option: “yes” or “no.” If half or more of the statements are present in your relationship, divorce is most likely inevitable. If less than half, there is a chance to save the family.

No common topics of conversation Not really
All sorrows and joys are shared with others, not with you Not really
Calm attitude of the wife/husband towards affairs on the side Not really
There is no need to ask your spouse for help Not really
Different views on life Not really
Different goals yes/no
You don't pay attention to your partner's appearance Not really
Are you embarrassed to go out with him/her in society? Not really
Different social circles Not really
Different views on financial issues in the family Not really
Frequent quarrels yes/no
Conflicts affect children Not really
Do you often think about divorce? Not really

Test No. 2

How long have you been wanting to file for divorce?

It was immediately clear that this union was short-lived 1 point
About a year later 2 points
Suddenly decided 3 points
We've been thinking about this for a long time, but only now have we decided 4 points
This is not a final solution 5 points

Does your partner annoy you?

Very annoying even in small things 1 point
Often annoying 2 points
Sometimes annoying 3 points
Rarely annoying 4 points
You are uninterested and bored with him 5 points

What strength is your emotionality?

You are reserved and calm 1 point
No excessive emotionality 2 points
Trying to control yourself 3 points
Sometimes emotions run high 4 points
You are very emotional and sensitive 5 points

How do you think your husband/wife will react to you leaving?

He will get angry and blame you 1 point
Would like to return 2 points
Completely immersed in work 3 points
Pretends he's not in pain 4 points
Will be very upset 5 points

What will your life be like after divorce?

Finally the long-awaited freedom 1 point
Cope calmly without a partner 2 points
The habit of a person will remind you for a long time, but you can handle it 3 points
It won't be easy without him 4 points
It's hard for you to believe that you are no longer together 5 points

What's the scenario with children?

No common children 1 point
The other half does not participate in upbringing 2 points
He/she rarely communicates with children 3 points
Spends a lot of time with children 4 points
Loves and cares for children very much 5 points

Why did you decide to get a divorce?

You were betrayed 1 point
You were disappointed 2 points
You have a new love 3 points
This relationship is making you unhappy 4 points
You need freedom 5 points

From 7 to 14 points

It will be easier for you if you leave, slamming the door loudly. Only then will resentment and anger at your partner stop destroying you from the inside. After this he will understand everything himself.

From 14 to 21

You don't have to explain anything if you're about to leave. But to avoid accusations, it is better to calmly explain why you made this decision. If you leave silently, the husband/wife will have a hard time dealing with the breakup and will not decide to enter into a new relationship for a long time.

From 21 to 28

In your case, you shouldn’t break your partner’s soul, and it’s better to leave his life quietly and unnoticed. It's better when he's not at home. Leave a note about your final decision. Otherwise, it will take a long time and you will need to figure out who is wrong and why.

From 28 to 35

Most likely, you should try to remain friends. Otherwise, the chain of your previous relationships will drag on for a long time: you are used to him, you are not a stranger to him. In this case, friendship will slowly but surely distance you from each other. As a result, you will stop communicating altogether.

35 points

For now, it’s better for you to put off the idea of divorce. This will be a strong blow for your partner. Think about it, perhaps there are no serious reasons, and you are overwhelmed with emotions that push you to take such an action. It’s better to take a break from each other for a couple of weeks, live separately, and then calmly discuss everything.

What questions to ask yourself when in doubt?

If you answer all the questions honestly, you will be able to really assess the situation, and making a decision will be easier and faster.

If I get divorced
– what will I get?
– what will I lose?
How will my life change after breaking up with this person?
What new opportunities and plans will I have?
What problems might I encounter?
Will I be able to cope with them and what will I need for this?
What's the worst that could happen, what am I most afraid of? And what will I do in this situation?
Will I benefit the people close to me?
Will I hurt them with my decision?
Am I satisfied with these results and will I be able to put in so much effort and experience so many feelings?

When do you need a psychologist's consultation?

Many people believe that the help of a specialist will solve all problems. This is wrong. A highly qualified psychologist will never tell you what to do and how to do it. But he will help you find the true answers and strength within yourself to make a decision yourself. Therefore, you need to approach it responsibly.

You need to seek help if both spouses want to save the marriage, but they can’t do it on their own.

How does a person cope with divorce?

Everyone reacts to divorce differently, but everyone goes through certain phases of awareness:

Shock phase
Lasts about two weeks. During this period, a person does not believe what happened. It is important that you have family and friends with you whom you can completely trust.
Depression phase
During this period, different emotions can overwhelm you. Resentment, pain, guilt because they could not save the family. It is important to understand that both sides are to blame and accept this, only then will you be able to cope and survive this difficult situation.
Residual phase
It appears rarely, but is always accompanied by strong emotional outbursts. The reason may be family holidays spent for the first time without a spouse or a chance meeting with him. Frequent reminders of your ex – mutual friends, relatives, etc. – can make things worse.
Completion phase
The last stage of the “cure”. During this period, about a year and a half after the breakup, it is no longer so painful for you to remember your past love. Plans appear, the need for new relationships appears. When you realize you don't want to look back anymore, you're ready to start over.

To make it easier to cope with a breakup, change your environment. Start traveling or start rearranging your home. Change your hairstyle, hair color, go for treatments.

Do not abuse alcohol, otherwise depression will come with a new wave. Don't try to get back within a short period of time after the divorce. It will seem to you that you are ready to forgive all sins, but in reality this is not the case. If after six months the desire to return has not disappeared, then you can try again.

Alternative to divorce

Analyze your behavior first. Reconsider your attitude to various situations, stop blaming each other for all troubles. This is the key to mutual understanding.

Don't make a scandal

In a calm environment it is much easier to come to a compromise.

Help

If you see that your husband or wife needs help, do not be lazy to provide it. This will show that you care about the comfort of your other half and you care.

Support

Be, first of all, a friend and a psychologist who will regret and give advice. Learn to listen and understand each other.

Talk

If you see that the husband/wife is not making any attempts to save the relationship, there is no need to waste your life preserving the “empty” union. It’s also not worth enduring for the sake of the child. Very often the most correct decision will not be to endure for the sake of the child, but to divorce for his own sake. He sees, understands and feels everything.

Today there are a lot of psychological practices, and rightly so.

When can you get divorced in Islam?

Islam does not approve of divorce. In the face of difficulties and disagreements, faith calls for patience, reflection and preservation of marriage. But still, divorce is not a sin. If a man makes talaq (oral or written declaration of divorce), he must wait 3 months. During this period, he is prohibited from having intimate relationships. Blame (when a woman demands a divorce) can only be for a specific reason. She returns the mahr and is considered a violator of the marriage contract. If the offender is a man, he compensates the mahr in full or leaves it to the woman. When a wife goes to court, she must prove that her husband has not fulfilled his marital obligations. Legal reason for ending a marriage -
immoral and contrary to Islam behavior of the spouse, renunciation of Islam. If a woman or man leaves Islam, the marriage is annulled.

When can you get a divorce after the birth of a child?

You can file for divorce before the child’s 1st birthday. The divorce will be through the court due to the presence of a child. Based on the baby’s age, the father is seen outside the home and the court will not allow it without the mother’s presence. You can state in your request the order of raising the child and in his decision the judge will indicate at what age he will see the child alone and how often.

When can you get a divorce after marriage?

You can apply for divorce immediately after the wedding immediately after receiving the marriage registration certificate.

When can you get a divorce at the registry office?

Article by family psychologist S.A. Yashchenko

Does divorce solve problems? Or is he the problem himself? How to survive a divorce? How to live after divorce? If you are thinking about divorcing your wife... Or divorcing your husband? A quick solution to your doubts and relief from the situation will be brought to you by a family consultation (experienced family psychologist S.A. Yashchenko)

Register now to avoid mistakes

at the cost of the fate of a person or even several people: tel. 303 20 60

Divorce from a long-term partner (husband or wife) is not an instantaneous event, it is a long, painful process. Like amputating a rotting limb. And there may be complications. And fever and inflammation. If you are already thinking about divorce, then it has begun. How to survive a divorce?

If you yourself are thinking about divorce - but your spouse does not know yet or he is against it, then before making a decision, consider the following questions in writing:

What will I gain in a divorce?
What do I lose by deciding to divorce?
How will my life situation change after a divorce?
What new goals will I have after divorce?
What problems will I have?
What side effects can you expect?
Will new decisions be needed after a divorce?
Will I benefit the people close to me?
Will I harm people close to me?
Am I satisfied with these results and will I be able to put in so much effort and experience so many feelings?

There are situations in which there is no need to doubt whether a divorce from your wife or a divorce from your husband is necessary: this is if your partner is a complete drug addict or alcoholic and does not want to see a narcologist. Or if he hits your children or beats you badly in front of your children. Here you need to think about how to survive a divorce.
In all other situations, you need to think about it. Cheating, for example, is not a reason for divorce. Spouses who have children together or children who are accustomed to new parents should especially think about it. In this case, this decision will not only change your life irreversibly.

Imagine that you got divorced, 5 - 10 years have passed. Look at yourself in this new life, where are you, who are you with, how are you?
Imagine that you are looking at yourself from the outside through the eyes of a wise observer, what advice would you give to yourself? Or to yourself?
Are you looking for your ideal partner? Are you looking for your mom or dad? If so, then you are in captivity of illusions.
If you still decide to divorce, then you can turn to psychologists who will help you and your children understand how get through a divorce without unnecessary pain.

Test to see if there is still a chance:

Remember why you fell in love with your partner?
Remember what was good between you?

Answer these questions. Ask your partner these same questions.
Test transcript:
“If you and your partner still remember this, then your marriage can be saved.”

Hard life test:

Live separately for three months and if you are attracted to each other, it means that this is still your partner. And divorce between husband and wife is not necessary.

Case Study Tip 1:

“Everything about him irritates me, he throws his socks everywhere, doesn’t twist his toothpaste, doesn’t lower the toilet seat.”
- Is he doing all this to spite you?
- No.
- Then why does it annoy you?

Case Study Tip 2:
A woman at an appointment with a psychologist.
- You know the doctor, he cheated on me!
- How was your sex?
- Yes, you know, for the last 7 years somehow...
- It's amazing how much he loved you! You endured it for seven years!...?

Case Study Tip 3:
A man at an appointment with a psychologist.
- Help me understand what I want? My wife is always striving for something, she has a goal in life, and she wants an apartment and a car, but I don’t care!
- Can I ask a “stupid” question, what do you want?
- And I want everyone to leave me alone!

If your partner is thinking about divorce...

Then not everything depends on you. And if you don’t love him, you don’t have children, then let him or her make a decision calmly.

But if you are not sure that you do not love and have children, then you can try to change this situation. Just remember that hysterics about his (her) conscience, requests to make a decision as soon as possible, dismantling yesterday’s exploits are definitely not a means to save a relationship.

There are usually two reasons for divorces. Your partner tells you that he/she is not interested in you or that you don't understand him/her. Or all at once. If you don’t understand him or her, then forget about grievances and your pride, take a step towards the needs of the other person.

If you are not interesting, then it is more difficult, because... you will have to stop living the life of your partner and create your own world. And then either your partner will notice you, or you will no longer need him.

True, partners sometimes lie and hide or don’t understand the real reason for divorce . Sometimes it's sex or even a change in sexual orientation. Can you really say something like that? Sometimes a divorce from a husband or a divorce from a wife is caused by unexperienced pain from the loss of a child, unconscious resentment for an abortion or infidelity. Then it is more difficult for you to influence the situation.

In any case, remember that it is more difficult to leave a happy and self-sufficient person than a weak and dependent one. And if your partner agrees, then go to a psychologist together. To understand what he is really not happy with. By the way, if it works, then all is not lost for you. This is also a test. If it doesn't work, go yourself.

What to do?

Fight for your relationship with all your might while you can. Do not destroy the family while there is at least some possibility of not bringing the matter to a divorce from your wife or divorce from your husband... If you lack your knowledge and strength, which is normal, because... You are not God, but only a person and have not even studied family psychology, then read books and articles on the topic of relationships.

If it doesn't help, go to a psychologist. He can save your marriage. It will help you understand the possible causes of divorce or conflict.

If the marriage cannot be preserved and the relationship cannot be improved, then psychologists know how to survive the divorce for you and your children. Just remember, a second marriage can become a worse copy of the first if you yourself do not change and understand that you, too, and not just your partner, are responsible for the reasons for divorce.

Sincerely, family psychologist S.A. Yashchenko

Psychological center "Light of Mayaka" offers effective family consultations for you!
Phone 303 20 60

The cost of consultation when submitting an application from the site is profitable,

sign up here and save 500 rubles.

You are determined to get a divorce, having no doubt that you will go through it with your head held high, and after it you will not regret anything. Only practice shows that about 73% of men and more than 94% of women, even after parting with disgusted, unloved and hated partners, go through a variety of psychological, mental and material problems that turn their plans for a new life into dust. Since the likelihood that you will become a participant in such statistics is incredibly high, we decided to offer you a test to determine how ready you are for divorce, so that you can start a new life immediately after it. Having gone through it, you will be able to identify all the weakest points in your preparation for the intended divorce, which will allow you not to become a victim of your own carelessness and thoughtlessness.

Well, all you need to find out the truth is to count the number of “yes” you gave when answering the questions we proposed.

1. Are you under 40 years old?

2. Are you currently at your peak physical fitness?

3. Do you daydream for at least 20 minutes every day?

4. Do you like your job?

5. If you have children, will they remain with your spouse after the divorce?

6. Most of your mutual friends became such thanks to you?

7. Not your panther, but it was you who determined all this time where you would go on vacation together, or how you would spend your Saturday evening?

8. Do you consider yourself a homebody (homebody)?

9. Don’t you think that without a divorce you won’t be able to realize some of your dreams and fantasies?

10. Have there been more victories and joys in your marital intimate life than problems, even if your other half doesn’t think so?

11. Do you have a hobby you enjoy?

12. If you ask 5 of your relatives, friends or girlfriends to comment on your decision to file for divorce, will they say that it is timely and reasonable?

13. All these years, it was you who determined how to spend the family budget?

14. Do you have a money account that your spouse does not have access to?

15. Will you be left homeless after a divorce?

16. Do you have any bad habits - a tendency to overeat, abuse alcohol, etc.?

17. Among the people who have passed through your life over the past year, could you name three who would not mind having an affair with you?

18. Do you suffer from any chronic diseases?

19. Are you one of those people who don’t experience depression or nervous breakdowns?

20. And have you also never made hasty and rash decisions?

Have all positive responses been counted? Then let's find out how prepared you are for divorce, which at the moment seems to you like liberation and a chance for a new life.

From 1 to 4 - You are absolutely not prepared to start a new life after a divorce. Moreover, you don’t even particularly want to get a divorce, because you understand perfectly well that without your partner you will only have one thing left - an abyss. But at the same time, you do not abandon the very thought of separation for a very long time, because you draw from it some kind of consolation, which allows you (and believe me, will allow you for a very long time) to live in a marriage in which you have not found either understanding or love.

From 4 to 8 - We can bet that you made the decision to divorce at the time of a quarrel or under the impression of an insult. In fact, marriage is more likely to suit you than to burden you. You like that your partner indulges your infantilism, allowing you to not grow up for years, or even decades, while not paying attention to your typical teenage manner of resolving disputes by shouting and being offended “for life.”

From 9 to 12 - You may have already begun to prepare for divorce seriously, starting to save money “for a rainy day”, or preparing documents that will allow you to receive half of the apartment and joint property. But at the same time, something stops you from taking the final step. No, not prudence or fear of taking responsibility for oneself. It is, rather, love for your spouse that has not yet fully passed, or the understanding that you are unlikely to find someone better than him or her.

From 12 to 16 - Everything is serious for you, and you have prepared for divorce like no one else. But at the same time, you still missed something. For example, the fact that your decision to divorce will turn all your friends and your spouse against you, or the fact that, most likely, the person with whom you plan to start dating immediately after the divorce is not as ideal as you currently think moment. In addition, and we can also say this with almost 100% confidence, you are not as smart, independent and sexy as you think. And although you cannot convince you of the opposite now, very soon you yourself will understand that the much-desired freedom that you so strived for is not so sweet.

From 16 to 20 - And you will succeed. Almost instantly, you will not only forget about marriage, as if about a vague dream, but you will also find a new romantic hobby for yourself, and if you want, more than one. You can easily fill the void that usually torments people who have gone through a divorce with interesting communication, exciting trips, and arranging your new life. But before you do this, remember that your partner will be lost without you! You so decisively surrounded your soul mate with your excessive care and decided everything for her for so long that, left without you, she will be confused and will not know how to live further. After all, she, accustomed to relying on you in everything, has never learned to earn money, save money, or build her future on her own.

Tatiana Sharanda
practical psychologist
family and marriage consultant
head of the psychological development center

The realization of being abandoned is difficult for both women and men

— It is very difficult to say that divorce is harder for someone, men or women. Firstly, it all depends on the situation, and secondly, on the personal qualities of each person.

Of course, if we talk about general statistics, women are more sensitive by nature, but still the main factor is who left whom. There is almost always someone who has been abandoned. It's usually harder for him. The person who leaves is a priori stronger. The psychological pressure on the abandoned person can be extremely strong. Sometimes even men cannot cope with such situations. Moreover, they often seek salvation in alcohol, gambling, and so on.

- But it also happens that the decision is made mutually. The ending is not always tragic.

- Certainly. There are such couples, and I have deep respect for them. Unfortunately, not everyone can come to an agreement. Good relationships between former spouses are rarely maintained. But people came to me who, despite the divorce, are still friends. And at the reception they were about problems with their common child.

For example, one baby showed psychological difficulties, and both parents were interested in holding him and helping him understand himself. This is a wonderful example to others.

Divorce, get married, get divorced again, get married again

— They say that if one of the spouses has the idea of divorce in principle, then there is no turning back. Sooner or later there will be a break.

- And here we cannot say for sure. Situations vary. It depends on what roles each person plays within the family, which inner self dominates.

There are couples where both he and she are teenagers within themselves, regardless of their actual age. In this case, everything is unpredictable, because for them the relationship is rather a game. In words, spouses get divorced almost every day. Gradually, even those around them get used to their scandals. There are times when people actually get divorced. Then they get married again. Then they get divorced again and... get married (laughs). This is their personal journey of growing up. Often in such marriages the child takes on the role of the adult. Paradoxical but true! He is the most responsible and wise in the house. He had to become like this in order to at least survive.

A marriage where one of the partners plays the role of a parent can last quite a long time, since a mature person understands a lot, is not afraid to take responsibility and knows how to give in.

There are unions where the husband and wife are both independent individuals, both adults. In this case, the reason for divorce is usually very serious, for example, a discrepancy between the sexual constitution. When one of the partners is hyperactive, and the other is much less interested in the intimate side of life. Or someone has not just a fleeting relationship on the side, but a strong attachment that gradually develops into true love, and being together is simply unbearable.

Society no longer blames a wife who leaves the family

— Based on your experience, who most often initiates divorce?

— You might be surprised: today these are more and more often women! They can provide for themselves financially, their parents help them, they have ambitions, personal goals, society no longer blames a wife who leaves the family, it is no longer a shame. Sometimes it is almost impossible to reach the modern Amazon. If she decides something for herself, it’s difficult to stop her.

— Inner freedom is good. But is the decision to burn bridges always the right one?

— I am probably a very conservative psychologist. Today independence and strength are promoted. However, it seems to me that we need to try to save the family to the last. You shouldn't make hasty conclusions. After all, you can regret it very much later, and it’s not always possible to get everything back.

A lot of people come to me, and I can say with full confidence that children suffer the most from the separation of their parents. These include psychological problems that accompany later in adulthood, and various diseases caused by severe nervous stress. And in adolescence, suicidal thoughts may even arise. And these are not unfounded statements, but real situations that I, as a specialist, had to deal with. The psyche of children is quite flexible, but boys and girls aged 13-17 are extremely sensitive.

For 47 years the man carried within himself a tormenting feeling of abandonment

— Is it worth saving a marriage solely for the sake of children?

- If this is impossible, I always ask parents to at least try to maintain warm relations with each other. This is important for children. Don’t swear, don’t find out in front of them who is right and who is wrong, try to come to some kind of compromise, because, as I already said, the situation of divorce greatly hurts boys and girls. If you do not pay attention to this in time, the pain will torment a person throughout his life.

Just recently I talked with a woman who is already 47 years old. Her dad left the family when she was little. This is how the situation developed. She did not see her father. I decided to do this only now. I found out the address and visited my parent, who had long since moved to Moscow. The meeting turned out to be very warm. The father was glad for his daughter’s arrival, he showed her the capital and told her about his fate. The woman admitted that she only now realized: all her life she felt inferior. And only now she felt better. For almost 47 years the man carried within himself a tormenting feeling of abandonment.

— Have there been any cases in your practice when people regretted getting divorced?

— I ask about this, and usually a positive answer to this question is given by people who are well over 35.

- What is the main reason?

— A relationship on the side that the partner could not forgive, even if it was actually something not serious at all.

I only know three good reasons for divorce

— How do you understand that a divorce is really necessary, because there are such situations?

— So that you understand better, I’ll tell you a little story. Back in the Soviet Union, I read a letter from a woman in a very serious magazine. This was a kind of message to all people. She wrote about her life. The narrator had a wonderful family: a good husband and two children, peace and quiet. But the woman began to notice that her husband began to move away - he devoted all his free time only to the kids. At some point, the wife began to ask questions. The husband honestly answered that she was very dear to him and he respected her immensely, but... only as the mother of their children, it turned out that he fell in love with another.

The woman cried, was offended, cursed. He endured and did not make excuses. The man was very attached to the children; he could not leave his family. Yes, his wife internally did not let him go. Slowly and painfully, the realization came to her that the person dear to her was simply dying before her eyes. A conversation took place and they parted.

Without waiting for the morning, he took some things and rushed towards his dream. However, he was in such a hurry that he lost control and crashed. In an instant, hope and support for everyone disappeared. In the letter, she asked not to repeat her mistake, but to understand and accept the feelings of another and, no matter how painful it may be, to let go.

What is this story for? Love is the most important reason. If you feel that they are not lying to you, that a serious feeling is forcing a person to leave, then you need to come to terms with it.

The second reason is any human addiction, be it alcohol, drugs, gambling. If a person is not ready to fight with himself, it is impossible to pull him out of the swamp, no matter how hard his spouse tries, he will have to drown together. Here I have a rather tough position, because this is true. Too many broken destinies. There are no former people with addictions.

The third reason is violence. I think everyone understands this. Don't wait for the aggressor to eventually cripple you physically or mentally. Pack your things, seek help, support and leave. There are always options.

It seems to me that there are three main factors. In all other cases, I advise you not to rush into a decision.

Take off your rose-colored glasses!

“Maybe you should ask yourself some questions to better understand what’s going on in your soul?”

— Without going to a psychologist, you can go through projective techniques for unfinished sentences on the topic “Family Relationships.” In them you just need to finish the saying. It is advisable to do this together, and then exchange the results obtained; they will surprise both. Only I recommend turning to serious psychological sites.

When we get married, we often confuse expectations with reality, endowing our partner with non-existent qualities, perceiving his behavior from a position that is convenient for us at a given moment in time. And as experience shows, taking off the “rose-colored glasses” and seeing a person from a different angle is very painful.

If partners simply decide to talk to each other, this is already a serious step forward! I take my hat off to people like that. Unfortunately, more and more often couples come to me where he or she demands in an almost commanding tone: “Explain to my husband (wife) what he (she) must do!” Such statements have long ceased to amaze me. Unfortunately, we hear only ourselves and our pain, without thinking about what is going on in the soul of another person. I always want to tell such people: “It’s time to take off the rose-colored glasses!” Although this should have been done before marriage. If you are not ready to accept another person, then it is better not to enter into a relationship. And if we change, then only together.

One more little sketch. I often watch people. What can you do, that's the job. So I remember one scene well (although it is repeated more than once in other interpretations). On the subway. The train arrived. A young couple at the station says goodbye. He kissed her and she walked forward. At the very doors of the transport, the girl turned around to look at the guy. But the young man had already taken out his phone and buried his nose in it. Not a very pleasant situation, you will agree. The girl never received the message she was hoping for.

It would seem nonsense! But it is in the little things that the truth can be seen. I can predict future relationships between people based on this story alone. And my verdict will be discouraging. The relationship is at the initial stage, but already here it is worth asking yourself whether this is the right person and whether we really need each other.

Freedom is too tempting

— Today it is fashionable to say “we took a break” when a couple decided to separate for a while and live separately. Is this method useful?

- In principle, yes. However, there is one thing. Freedom can be too tempting. Primarily for men.

Why do problems start in marriage? There are no obligations during the candy-bouquet period. Today we met, went to the cinema, and tomorrow we decided to relax. There are more positive emotions, and it’s too early to make any complaints. And then you have to be with the person constantly, overcome obstacles together, get used to each other. And for some this is extremely difficult. So it is here. If you feel the taste of freedom again, there is a tantalizing desire to fly away forever. When the wave of joy from independence subsides, it may turn out that this freedom was not really needed.

— Can you give advice on saving a marriage?

- Tell each other about your shortcomings. When I tell my clients this, their eyes widen. And yet, yes, let a man honestly say that from time to time he throws socks all over the apartment, that he doesn’t know how to hang frames on the walls, and so on, and a woman admits that she only knows how to cook scrambled eggs, and sometimes gets upset over little things.

Taking off the mask of ideality, we begin to move towards each other. Before marriage, both men and women often idealize their partner and expect a certain attitude in advance, but then it turns out that everything is not as beautiful as it was in their dreams.

In any situation, try to conduct a dialogue, not a verbal duel, put yourself in your partner’s place, think, then act. This does not always save the marriage, but, believe me, it will preserve your nerves and respect for each other.

If you yourself are thinking about divorce - but your spouse does not know yet or he is against it, then before making a decision, consider the following questions in writing:

What will I gain in a divorce?
What do I lose by deciding to divorce?
How will my life situation change after a divorce?
What new goals will I have after divorce?
What problems will I have?
What side effects can you expect?
Will new decisions be needed after a divorce?
Will I benefit the people close to me?
Will I harm people close to me?
Am I satisfied with these results and will I be able to put in so much effort and experience so many feelings?

In all other situations, you need to think about it. Cheating, for example, is not a reason for divorce. Spouses who have children together or children who are accustomed to new parents should especially think about it. In this case, this decision will not only change your life irreversibly.

Imagine that you got divorced, 5 - 10 years have passed. Look at yourself in this new life, where are you, who are you with, how are you?
Imagine that you are looking at yourself from the outside through the eyes of a wise observer, what advice would you give to yourself? Or to yourself?
Are you looking for your ideal partner? Are you looking for your mom or dad? If so, then you are in captivity of illusions.
If you still decide to divorce, then you can turn to psychologists who will help you and your children understand how get through a divorce without unnecessary pain.

Test to see if there is still a chance:

Remember why you fell in love with your partner?
Remember what was good between you?

Answer these questions. Ask your partner these same questions.

“If you and your partner still remember this, then your marriage can be saved.”

Hard life test:

Live separately for three months and if you are attracted to each other, it means that this is still your partner. And divorce between husband and wife is not necessary.

Case Study Tip 1:

Everything about him irritates me, he throws his socks everywhere, doesn’t twist his toothpaste, doesn’t lower the toilet seat.

Is he doing all this to spite you?

Then why does it annoy you?

A woman at an appointment with a psychologist.

You know the doctor, he cheated on me!

How was your sex?

Yes, you know, for the last 7 years somehow nothing has happened...

It's amazing how much he loved you! You endured it for seven years!...?

A man at an appointment with a psychologist.

Help me understand what I want? My wife is always striving for something, she has a goal in life, and she wants an apartment and a car, but I don’t care!

Can I ask a “stupid” question, what do you want?

And I want everyone to leave me alone!

If your partner is thinking about divorce...

Then not everything depends on you. And if you don’t love him, you don’t have children, then let him or her make a decision calmly.

True, partners sometimes lie and hide or do not understand the real reason for the divorce. Sometimes it's sex or even a change in sexual orientation. Can you really say something like that? Sometimes a divorce from a husband or a divorce from a wife is caused by unexperienced pain from the loss of a child, unconscious resentment for an abortion or infidelity. Then it is more difficult for you to influence the situation.

If it doesn't help, go to a psychologist. He can save your marriage. It will help you understand the possible causes of divorce or conflict.

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And then either your partner will notice you, or you will no longer need him.

Divorce from your husband: when is it time to start the procedure?

Divorce is a fairly common occurrence in our society. But many people do not understand when it is time to divorce their husband or wife. Not every person can see and recognize this situation in time, which leads to more unpleasant consequences. Each spouse has to decide a difficult task: maintain the relationship or get a divorce. Few spouses manage to maintain normal relationships throughout their lives. There are married couples who, even in old age, look at each other with love and affection.

One can only envy such couples because they managed to cope with a difficult life task - to save their marriage. Marriage is challenging for both spouses. Here, only mutual respect between partners can make a marriage happy. The attraction to each other passes quickly enough. Then there must be something left. What unites spouses, besides physical intimacy. This is intellectual and emotional intimacy. All couples have different relationships.

Along the journey of life, partners experience the ups and downs of the relationship. It is important to react to this correctly and draw conclusions in a timely manner. Often relationships reach a dead end, and there is only one way out. This is a scam.

Women most often initiate divorce; men are much less likely to take this step. In fact, it is more difficult for a man to change his lifestyle in the family and go into the unknown. Usually male representatives leave for another woman and only then declare that they want to get a divorce. And the initiators of the divorce are their current partners. Marriage for some women quite often turns out unsuccessfully. They live with their husband for a long time, experiencing suffering and not leaving him for many reasons. For the other part of the fair sex, divorce is commonplace; they easily take this step even because of the most minor disagreements. In order not to make an irreparable mistake in your life, you need to make sure that the decision you are making is correct. How can a woman understand that she really needs to divorce her husband?

What is needed to make an informed decision about divorce?

Of course, you shouldn’t try to save a relationship that is already destroyed. But you need to accurately determine whether this is a simple quarrel or really a collapse of the relationship. If this is a disagreement, then it will be resolved in one of the following ways. The spouses’ ability to compromise and smooth out rough edges plays a role here. If there is no longer any relationship, then there is no need to try to change or mend anything. Often such attempts end in failure anyway; they only take up time and nerves. To make an informed decision about divorce, a woman must have a certain set of character qualities. An important role here is played by her perception of the world around her. What happens in reality should be perceived by a person as it is.

It makes absolutely no sense to wish for something that can never happen, or does not depend specifically on a specific person. This sense of reality is inherent in children who still understand little. It seems to them that their desire alone is enough for something to come true. A child's perception of the world in an adult is called infantilism. And often in family relationships there is infantilism that harms them. Usually, some people never manage to grow up over the years. This is due to the costs of their upbringing; perhaps they were surrounded by excessive attention and care. They idealize their marriage and think that it will never fail. When quarrels begin in the family, which are caused by differences in characters and interests, then such a person is not able to respect the opinion of his partner and give in to him.

In this case, the woman tries to remake her husband, to adapt him to herself. Few people will like this situation. The relationship with her husband deteriorates even more. They can be restored at a certain stage, but when hostility has already reached its extreme point, separation may be the best way out. It is important to understand that a person cannot be changed radically; one must perceive him as he is. You yourself chose him this way.

Attempts to change a man end with him starting to pretend. This makes the situation even worse. You cannot lead a relationship to extreme hostility, this can end in disaster.

Signs it's time for divorce

When two happy people get married, they don't even think that they will ever get divorced. In family life there are periods of so-called crisis in relationships. This occurs in the third and seventh year of life. If the couple has survived these periods, the relationship enters a stable stage and develops harmoniously, then everything is fine. If, having passed these milestones, the couple continues to have quarrels, problems and disagreements, then this is something worth seriously thinking about. This could be a signal for divorce. You can determine the time for a divorce to occur based on some of the signs described below.

Cheating partners. The fact of betrayal on the part of one of the spouses leads to the fact that the other begins to distrust him. Mistrust greatly affects relationships and destroys harmony in the family. It is difficult for an offended spouse to forgive betrayal and forget the insult.
Spouses live only for the sake of children. The child must live in a complete family. And the desire not to get a divorce for the sake of the children is quite understandable. But will it be better for children who constantly see quarrels between their parents? Parents are busy sorting out their relationships, children are given less attention, this is harmful to the child’s development.
Living together for fear of being judged by others. The couple has long lost interest in each other in every sense. They have nothing to talk about, there are no common interests and affairs either. They don’t want to get a divorce because they are afraid of public opinion and their relatives.
Problems in intimate life. There is no attraction and interest of one of the partners or it is mutual. Often, lack of interest occurs against the background of infidelity.
Spouses annoy each other. It happens that some of a partner’s habits begin to irritate the other. This happens every day and becomes a constant irritant. If a woman or man cannot put up with such irritants, then this may be a hint of divorce.
A man hits a woman. You shouldn’t endure beatings and think that it was an accident and won’t happen again. Such a man will constantly raise his hand against his wife. You need to think about divorce quickly.
Unequal contribution of spouses to the family. Two people should have an equal contribution to the family. Responsibilities are usually shared. It cannot be that one person does everything while the other is just resting.

What will help you become more confident in your thoughts about divorce?

Throughout their lives, many couples think about divorce, but never decide to do it. Making the right decision turns out to be difficult. You need to give an objective assessment of the current situation, weigh everything and not make quick emotional decisions. There are statements that will help strengthen your opinion about divorce. If we accept them in the majority, then we can say that divorce is inevitable. The following statements are suggested (by test type):

there are almost no common topics of conversation between spouses;
all sorrows and joys are shared with other people, and not with the other half;
a calm attitude of one of the partners towards alleged connections on the side;
there is no need to ask your spouse for help;
views on life on a global scale differ;
stopped paying attention to the appearance of the spouse;
you are embarrassed to go out into society with your significant other;
there are no common goals;
different social circles between husband and wife;
different views on material issues in the family;
frequent quarrels affect children;
Thoughts about divorce constantly take hold of you.

Do this simple test for yourself, it will give you the answer whether it’s time to divorce your husband or not.

Women's fear of divorce: why?

Many women live with their husbands, despite the severity of the situation. Some people resign themselves, others are afraid to change everything abruptly, the reasons are different. Women are quite patient, but there comes a time when they don’t mind giving up everything. But it is better not to bring it to such a boiling point. This negatively affects the emotional state of a woman. In turn, this affects health, work and, most importantly, children. It is necessary to think about what harm can be done to a small creature and leave him traumatized for life. So, women are afraid of divorce. And there are reasons for this:

all responsibility for raising children passes to the woman;
reluctance to deprive the child of a full-fledged family;
a woman does not want to be judged by others;
a woman will not be able to provide for herself and her child alone;
having divorced, the woman will be deprived of housing;
I'm scared to be alone.

The reasons are quite natural. But some women can find strength in themselves and overcome fear, while others live with it. You cannot sacrifice yourself for the sake of dubious family happiness. Sometimes it’s better to break everything off and then find the person you love most. Often the creation of a new family brings joy to children. But this is the case when the “new dad” can accept other people’s children and give himself entirely to this family. There are also frequent cases when another man who appears at the mother’s house causes a storm of negative emotions. All this is so complex and individual that there is no uniform advice. The main thing is to remember that a woman is faced with the question of not only her well-being, but also the fate of her children.

Correct actions of a woman who has decided to get a divorce

The moment came when the woman finally decided that it was time to divorce her husband. How to act correctly in this situation? It is necessary to ensure that the divorce process affects the psychological state of the children as little as possible, and also to control oneself. The following recommendations may be helpful to you.

Having thought through your decision about divorce well, you need to behave calmly and restrainedly. From the very beginning you need to think about the legal side of the matter, emotions need to be put aside.
Try not to pay attention to unflattering reviews from relatives and friends about your husband. Despite the unpleasantness of the process, it is worth being calm. This will help maintain, even for the sake of the children, a normal relationship with your ex-spouse after a divorce.
You can apply for divorce at the registry office at your place of residence.
After filing an application, the law gives you a month to think about it. If reconciliation does not occur, then the couple is divorced. This can be done without problems if agreement is reached on all issues between the spouses and there are no children under 18 years of age.
If there are children and disputes, the divorce is done in court. When another division of property occurs, a court decision is also necessary. In this case, the court necessarily takes into account the interests of the children and, in this case, the spouse. If an agreement regarding children and property is drawn up before the trial, the trial will go much faster.
It is important to seek the help of a qualified lawyer. These are additional costs, but in certain situations they will definitely pay off.

We hope that here you have found comprehensive information about when it is time to divorce your husband.

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Divorce test

With this test, you can determine what exactly your marriage is more like - a dark dead end or a simple friendly coexistence. Perhaps it is time for you to study the Civil Code regarding how divorce occurs, or perhaps at this point it will be enough to simply contact a family psychologist.

Do not forget that there are no perfect marriages, but in some situations such situations are created when it is not too late to address your mistakes and return closeness and mutual understanding to the family. Using our test, you can understand how strong your relationship is, but in order to ultimately really get a reliable result, always try to answer only sincerely and honestly, and not try to pass off what you want as reality. This test asks you to imagine yourself in several situations in which you may have never even been, but you need to clearly imagine that this is happening to you at the moment, and understand how you would act in a similar situation. Try to choose the behavior that is closest to what you or your spouse would do.

Take an online divorce test

The stability of your marriage is rated as high. You get along well with each other and your harmony in the family can only be envied. Well done, keep up the good work!

Your marriage is in crisis. This does not mean at all that you are not suitable for each other. However, you are faced with a number of important problems that require joint resolution.

The stability of your marriage is rated as very low. You have been seriously dissatisfied with your spouse for a long time and there is no trace left of the previous mutual understanding. It's time to take decisive steps.

You have an extremely high probability of divorce. You have been uncomfortable with each other for a long time. Understanding and mutual respect are not about you. By the way, why are you still together?

Is it necessary to divorce your spouse?

“Should I divorce my husband?” - such a question will never arise in a family filled with love and understanding. At a time when the current relationship does not satisfy both partners, the decision to break off the relationship is made much easier. But if family life does not satisfy only you, how to overcome uncertainty and dare to take full responsibility? Let's discuss this.

What to do if family life is not satisfying?

Possible reasons for divorce

Psychologists believe that the breakup of a relationship, in terms of mental stress for women, is equal to the loss of a loved one. Therefore, before getting married, it is worth considering what the reasons are that make you want to get a divorce, in order to make as few mistakes as possible in family life and protect future children from worries.

You can destroy a love relationship for any reason, but let's look at the most common reasons for divorce:

Marriage in the heat of a passionate relationship. The basis of such relationships was only sex. If there are no common views on life, husband and wife quickly get bored of each other. Rash actions very often lead to a break in relationships.
The most common reason for divorce is the betrayal of one of the partners. It is quite difficult to forgive the infidelity of a loved one, and if this situation has happened more than once, then the desire to divorce comes instantly.
They couldn't stand each other's character. The breakdown of a relationship is inevitable when both partners, due to their pride, have no desire to give in and get used to their loved one.
The birth of the first child becomes a difficult test for young families. At this moment, both partners need to take all responsibility seriously, learn to sacrifice their selfish desires and treat each other with love.
People can get divorced over the slightest domestic disputes, but everyone knows that this is just a screen behind which lies the true reason for the breakup.

What are the consequences of rash divorces?

Having experienced an unsuccessful marriage, people make the wrong conclusions, such as “all women are hysterical” or “every man is a selfish creature,” and subsequent relationships will be built on the basis of this opinion. Children suffer the most after family breakdown. In their understanding, parents are a sacred, inextricable whole, and when it breaks, the child develops an incorrect idea about family life. Another psychological stress is the division of property, which in a painful state goes from a showdown over who will get the car to deciding who the children will stay with.

Divorce after infidelity

Women or men have their own reasons for cheating on their partner. However, not everyone takes into account that any manifestation of infidelity can lead to divorce. Regardless of the fact that human morals and religious teachings condemn treason, this problem is still relevant to this day.

Many men explain their reasons for cheating by the presence of a primitive instinct. They argue that resistance to masculine nature can cause mental disorder. However, polygamy in a man can be transformed depending on which woman is next to him. Wise wives try to change their image as often as possible and constantly surprise their men.

Wise wives try to change their image as often as possible and constantly surprise their men

According to statistics, women resort to infidelity much less often than representatives of the stronger sex, and decide to do this only if they are truly unhappy in their marriage. The reason for female infidelity is the desire to receive male attention, which they lack in family life. Girls should always feel that their appearance attracts the stronger sex. At times, the husband’s same-type compliments become boring, but the courtship of strangers is perceived as proof of demand.

However, most often, when a man finds out about cheating, he immediately breaks off relations with his wife, while the woman tries to maintain the relationship to the last, forgiving her beloved for many of his actions.

Should I divorce my husband?

Most often, the question “should I divorce my husband” arises because of his infidelity. But this type of breakup is not obligatory and, a loving woman, tries in every possible way to maintain the appearance of a happy life. However, you should not deceive yourself; forgiving your spouse does not guarantee that there will be no new betrayal. In fear of losing financial stability, it is very difficult to decide to divorce, especially if there are children in the marriage.

But it’s very rare for a woman to understand that a child has seen disrespect since childhood in a family where cheating regularly occurs. As they grow up, they notice that dad is unfaithful to mom and consider this to be the norm; later they will begin to build their family according to the same principle.

Reasons why you need to get a divorce

In what situations is it better not to rush into drastic changes?

You have fallen in love with a young, charming and sexy man. Should I get a divorce because of this? Psychologists are confident that you shouldn’t rush into a new relationship like a whirlpool, because very soon such love passes and there is a desire to return to the previous relationship. But will they take you back or not?
It seems to you that your significant other has ceased to understand you, and you have become bored with him. If you really loved your boyfriend, then understand that he is not a clown, but a person who also has personal concerns and problems. He needs your support too, so learn to compromise before you announce that you want a divorce.
You can forgive your loved one many things, but he must understand your actions and also strive to preserve the relationship. Otherwise, all your attempts will become another humiliation of your personality.

How do children feel when their family collapses?

If there are children in your family, think about whether it is necessary to inflict a psychological blow on the child because you quarreled with your wife? Children make it very difficult to get a divorce. From birth, the baby gets used to the fact that his parents sleep in the same bed, have dinner at the same table and spend their holidays together. Growing up in a complete family, he realizes what a strong and loving relationship should look like.

At the time of divorce, one of the parents disappears from the children's sight, leaving them completely confused and not understanding what is happening. According to statistics, most often men leave the family, and a woman in a stressful situation can rarely calmly explain to her child what happened. As a result, the mother reacts aggressively to the child’s question about dad, thereby awakening a feeling of guilt in his thoughts.

Children who have reached adolescence, having survived their parents' divorce, study poorly, become uncontrollable, begin to steal and run away from home. After the breakup of the family, the child begins to perceive adults as enemies who cannot be trusted. And a parent who has left the family, in his understanding, is a traitor who simply left.

Preschool children get many phobias from excitement and anxiety. The child begins to take on the character traits of the parent he misses so much. When leaving a family, an adult does not even understand how much pain he is doing to his children. And especially impressionable people may subconsciously return to infancy, suck their thumb before going to bed, or wet the bed. Often after parents divorce, the baby becomes depressed and gets sick. Therefore, before you decide to get a divorce, think about the people close to you.

Divorce of parents is a psychological blow for a child

Quiz: How can you end a relationship painlessly?

Sometimes going through the divorce procedure is much more difficult than forgiving all the betrayals and improving relationships. Do you want to know how to get through this moment easier? Our test will help with this:

How long ago did you realize that you wanted a divorce?

From the first day you felt that this relationship would not last - 1 point.
You’ve been planning how to break up for a year now – 2 points.
This decision is sudden - 3 points.
You have long thought that you need to break up, but you decided only now - 4 points.
There is no final decision yet – 5 points.

Does he annoy you or not?

Any little thing that is in it infuriates you - 1 point.
Very often his actions irritate him – 2 points.
Sometimes he is simply unbearable - 3 points.
You rarely get irritated – 4 points.
You're just bored next to him - 5 points.

What strength is your emotionality?

You are very reserved and calm – 1 point.
Do not consider yourself an overly emotional person – 2 points.
Trying to be balanced – 3 points.
Sometimes you let off steam - 4 points.
You are very emotional and sensitive – 5 points.

How do you think your partner will react to your leaving?

Anger and accusing you of wanting a divorce – 1 point.
Will make attempts to bring me back - 2 points.
Will switch his attention to work - 3 points.
He will not show that he is in pain - 4 points.
This will greatly upset him - 5 points.

What will your life be like without your lover?

Happiness to be free – 1 point.
You can handle it without any problems, without it - 2 points.
The habit of being with him will remain, but you will not give in to emotions - 3 points.
It’s hard for you not to think about him – 4 points.
You cannot imagine that he is not next to you - 5 points.

What's going on with your children together?

You have no children – 1 point.
He does not participate in raising children - 2 points.
He loves children, but rarely communicates with them - 3 points.
He devotes enough time to children - 4 points.
He is a very loving dad - 5 points.

Reason for your leaving?

He betrayed you - 1 point.
He disappointed you - 2 points.
You fell in love - 3 points.
You are unhappy in this relationship – 4 points.
Do you want to be free – 5 points.

Now, based on the answers to the questions asked in the test, calculate the amount of points you got. Here is the result of the answers.

From 7 to 14 points. The test advises: to get a divorce less painful, you need to pack your things and slam the door out of his life as loudly as possible. This break will help you release the anger and resentment towards your partner. And your man will understand that this could not continue.
From 14 to 21 points. You can leave your partner without much explanation. But if you want to make it easier for your man to participate in this situation, then you need to calmly tell him what was the main reason for your decision. Otherwise, he will consider himself completely to blame for your departure and will not be able to decide on a new relationship for a long time.
From 21 to 28 points. Trying to convey the reason for your leaving to a man you are tired of will only worsen his suffering. The most humane thing would be to pack your things while he is not at home and, having communicated your desire to start a new life, leave quietly and peacefully. This will free you from the burden of debating what he did wrong.
From 28 to 35 points. Should we be friends after a breakup? If you understand that you cannot completely let him go after a divorce, and he perceives you as a close person, but there is simply no passion anymore, you need to discuss the issue of friendship with him. Even if you don't spend your free time on picnics and eventually stop seeing each other completely, this friendship will help you get through the breakup.
35 points. The test confirms that you should stop wanting to tell your husband about the breakup. This decision will be a stab in the back to your partner, which cannot be mitigated by any words. Most likely, you are driven by emotions that push you to take rash actions, but there is no truly global reason to get a divorce. Just ask your spouse for a break and live separately from each other.

3 comments

Add up the total of each section. See the results for the resulting amount.

no wonder my husband decided to run away!

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Divorce is stressful, to say the least. Most women do not want to divorce their husbands even if married life has become unbearable. And all because they are afraid of the following:

Responsibility for children is completely shifted onto the shoulders of the mother. Not wanting to feel guilty for taking the children’s father away, the woman tolerates the presence of her husband until the last.
Relatives, not knowing the true circumstances in the family, often take the husband’s side. Thus, the woman is left without the support of loved ones, which leads to doubts and erroneous conclusions about her actions.
Material support is one of the main obstacles to separation. Especially when the wife is fully supported by the husband. In this case, the stress is double. Although for those who are tired of indecision and a boring existence, on the contrary, finding a job becomes an opportunity for self-realization.
Loneliness and fear, which causes psychological discomfort. The lady needs to come to terms with the idea that she now has a new status - “single woman”. For many this is very unpleasant.

Naturally, there are purely individual reasons why a young lady prefers a bad marriage to calm loneliness. But there are times when breaking up is simply necessary. Otherwise, living together threatens to undermine the physical and psychological health of a beautiful person.

Good reasons

How do you understand that you need to divorce your husband? Alcohol and drug addiction of the spouse

The most compelling reasons, because dependent individuals become asocial over time, degrade and lose all ability to perform family functions. You definitely need to think about the offspring - what are you dooming them to by forcing them to see their father in an inadequate state almost every day?

Does he hit you, does he love you? Don't be ridiculous. There is no such good reason in the world why a husband could raise his hand against his chosen one. The sooner the breakup happens, the better for your health and life.

Moral pressure, despotism

It is not known what is worse - physical violence or daily moral abuse. If a companion constantly insults, humiliates, ignores, then over time the passion will turn into one continuous lump of disease. By mocking, the partner destroys the self-esteem of the other half, cultivates inferiority complexes, which leads to psychosomatic disruptions. The child (if there is one), seeing how the father treats the mother, develops his own complexes and problems with relationships in the future.

Should we turn a blind eye to betrayal? If adultery happened once, and if the companion sincerely repents, it is necessary. And if infidelity occurs openly and is accompanied by complete disregard for the lawful companion, why endure it?

Laziness and unwillingness to provide for the family

Yes, anyone can find themselves without a job at some point in their life. This can be understood. But how do you understand a person who does not want to go to work and lives completely calmly on his companion’s finances? Is this a reason for divorce?

Attention: these tips should be taken into account by those wives who do not face the compelling reasons for breaking up listed above.

How to decide on divorce? Psychologists have one wonderful technique that is designed specifically for analyzing confusing situations. Especially in cases where feelings say one thing, and the mind says another. The technique is called “Cartesian Questions,” which sound something like this:

What happens if you do this? (Answer simply).
What won't happen if you do this? This question is designed to identify “secondary benefits.” That is, with the help of the answer you can determine the advantages of the current situation and the advantages that there is a risk of losing when achieving a new result.
What won't happen if you don't do it? Here the left hemisphere of the brain falls into a stupor. But if you try to look for the answer, a person can avoid the usual conscious thinking and use other neural channels of the brain. Simply put, you will think about a known situation in a new way. This process helps in realizing those values and inner strengths that were previously unknown to you. Therefore, here I would like to wish to seek the answer using intuition, but not logic.
What happens if you don't? This highlights the price you will pay if you continue to live your life as before. Or you realize that parting will be a step forward for you, an incentive that will change your life for the better.

Important: before how to decide to divorce your husband, a woman needs to look inside her soul, turn to her values, Ask yourself how well your current situation satisfies your deepest needs.

Often, when thinking about whether to get a divorce, a lady puts her financial situation first. Many women have an insoluble dilemma - material or mental comfort.

There are only two ways out here. The first is that a beautiful person takes responsibility for her life, becomes independent and financially independent. That is, she chose love and sincerity over money.

The second is that a person chooses money and comfort, but is forced to adapt and endure, depriving herself of full emotional living. Is it necessary to suffer so much if there is only one life and it is better not to observe it, but to live it?

Expectations and reality

After a thorough approach to the previous questions and answers, you may be surprised to find that it is possible to eliminate the interfering factors in your marital life, as well as to achieve your goals, without a breakup. Because the bulk of the positive factors that a person strives for are already present in life, he just doesn’t see them. While you have not yet decided to divorce your husband completely, there is a chance for a new start. Just to get started, there is no need to radically change your partner. Just change your point of view. If you have reached such a realization, then grab the chance and change yourself while you are still close to your former companion. Because with a new one you will be forced to start all over again. And there is no guarantee that the new option will be better.

Keep in mind that another person may not be found. Especially when a woman’s demands are too high, and among the stronger sex there are very few ideal ones. Psychologists advise becoming a philosopher - sorting out expectations and possibilities. Also believe in yourself, no matter what awaits you at the finish line.

So, what does a lady expect when she is ready to decide to divorce her husband? Of course, subconsciously she expects only one thing - a happy ending:

The partner will get scared, correct himself, rethink, weigh and quickly begin to do what is expected of him.
The lady will get rid of her annoying partner.
Fate will immediately bring you together with a new passion.

But let’s return to reality and see how monstrously further events can disappoint a person:

The partner does not show any reaction and acts in the same “disgusting” way.
The partner reacts, but by committing inappropriate actions. They don’t fit into the plan you’ve developed at all, and the loneliness and other “benefits” that appear in connection with the breakup are even more annoying than the previous problems. So, the lady falls into a zone of doubt and begins to want to turn back time - so that all this would not happen at all.
Fate turned out to be cruel and did not give a chance for a bright future, or the chance was received, but spoiled by the same scenario.

So, sometimes a person is left empty-handed and a lonely soul. And complete despair sets in when he realizes that his expectations were naive and stupid.

If your thoughts have not led to a final result, then think about this. Both young and old, a married couple is connected by one very important thing - spiritual relationships. Proper communication, trust and intimacy play a huge role not only in bed, but also in spirit. If, when thinking about whether to divorce or not, you have not found anything like that in your relationship, then there is no point in living together. The couple will feel sadness and loneliness with each other.

Signs that a breakup is near

The couple feels the inevitable approach of a breakup intuitively. Sometimes this is determined by certain signs that are a warning. There are many cases where one of the couple sensed a coming storm, but did not have enough reason to explain what was happening.

The first signal is limited communication between people. The partner suddenly becomes withdrawn, immersed in his personal experiences and does not want to share with his other half. Of course, such behavior is also characteristic of a man in case of problems at work or with health (men's diseases, for example). Therefore, the situation here still needs to be clarified, and isolation does not mean that you should get a divorce.

But if a storm is indeed approaching, then the development scenario is more or less clear. After immersing himself in himself, the husband becomes more “cold” with his passion:

Denies physical intimacy.
When any signs of attention are shown on the part of the wife, the husband becomes indignant, irritated and even behaves aggressively.
Tries to independently (without asking your opinion) solve everyday important issues.
Attempts to ask where the husband was, how the day went and why he was late for dinner, are followed by the reaction - “my personal affairs do not concern you.”

This stage has already been significantly advanced. It is, of course, possible to return the relationship to its former course, but it will not be very easy. After all, the spouses behave like almost strangers.

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But what to do if you want to save the relationship? In this situation, go to a psychologist. Although, it happens that when one partner cools down, the other does the same. And this happens on its own. But there is also a plus here - the decision to break up will be thoughtful, balanced and mutual.