By asking such a question, the parent assumes that he will receive a set of manipulative techniques that will allow him to control the child’s behavior. It involves pressure or violence (both physical and emotional). When you focus attention on this, the parents immediately correct themselves: “... We expressed ourselves incorrectly, we didn’t mean that.” There are also people like: “What could you think! Yes we are! Yes, our child!...” or “So what now, let him do everything?!”
If the first statement demonstrates only ignorance in the matter of upbringing and the desire to learn, then the following most likely speaks of unresolved internal conflicts that spill out in the relationship between parent and child.
Sometimes the desire to manipulate a child has a good purpose: “My life hasn’t worked out, so at least he’ll be fine!” Thus, the parent wants to self-actualize through the child. But we must remember that the child has his own destiny and he wants to live his life, and not spend it correcting the mistakes of an adult.
“We all come from childhood.” It is during this period that the main character traits are formed. We can often observe the following scene: a child tries to help mom or dad, to which an irritated parent responds: “Don’t interfere, you’re still small!” To be completely honest, we give this answer not because the child really cannot help, but in order to finish it faster. We are well aware at this moment that if we attract a child - “smoke with a rocker” and the work will drag on for a long time. This behavior suppresses any initiative and love of creativity in a child. I would like to remember this when asking once again the question: “Who is he like?”
Often the same stereotype of relationships is passed on from generation to generation (“Parental Script” by E. Bern). And we can observe dynasties of successful, happy, enterprising families, or vice versa. From generation to generation, drunkards, boors, people who are unable to have a family are born. family relationships(“crown of celibacy”). The easiest way is to blame it on some kind of curse, evil eye etc. Even chronic diseases that are passed down from generation to generation most likely have a psychosomatic etiology.
Studying various ethnic groups, one can notice one feature (or pattern): where it is not customary to punish children, people are more responsive, hospitable: less aggressive, free. They, without hesitation, can sacrifice themselves for the interests of their neighbors and the Motherland. These countries have low crime rates and prosperous economies. Therefore, no violence or pressure! Study your child, try to develop his natural abilities. A child is an inquisitive creature, devoid, unlike us, of laziness. Remember: any job is easy if it is presented as a game. Praise often! If something is impossible, do not say: “No!” Explain why and try to switch his attention to another object. Serve as an example for your child! No “double” standards and “double” morality! The child learns everything from us. And if there is “something wrong” with him, ask: “How did I achieve this?” By observing your child, you will be able to understand yourself more deeply. The process of education is mutual. Your child can teach you a lot.
Kudryashov I.L.
?”, then you’ve come to the right place: you no longer need to read any articles, including this one. I will answer right now: “No way!”
There is no way to force a child to obey. You can only force someone to obey, and not for long.
The famous German psychotherapist, founder of Gestalt therapy Fritz Perls argued that there are two possibilities to influence another person: to become a “top dog” or a “bottom dog.” “Dog on top” is power, authority, orders, threats, punishment, pressure. “Dog from below” is flattery, lies, manipulation, sabotage, blackmail, tears. And when these two “dogs” come into conflict, the “bottom dog” always wins. So, if you want your child to listen to you, the first thing you need to do is stop forcing him. Stop commanding, lecturing, and shaming. Here are some tips on how to replace these ineffective products.
How to achieve obedience
The first step is to encourage and stimulate any activity of the child directed in the right direction. Is the girl eager to wash the dishes? Be sure to allow it, even if her help only gets in the way. Psychologists conducted surveys of schoolchildren from fourth to eighth grades, finding out whether they did any kind of activity. It turned out that the percentage of children who do not help their parents is the same. But in the fourth - sixth grades many children were unhappy that they were not trusted with household chores! But in the seventh and eighth grades there were no longer any dissatisfied people.
The founder of Russian psychology, Lev Semyonovich Vygotsky, developed a universal scheme for teaching a child to independently carry out everyday activities. First, the child does something together with his parents, then the parents draw clear instructions, and then the child begins to act completely independently.
Let's say you want your child to be careful when he comes in from the street. The first stage: everything is done together, parents show and help. At the second stage, you need to come up with and draw a hint: what needs to be put in what order and where. For example, this one:
Most children readily follow clear and visual instructions. Gradually a habit forms, and external cues become unnecessary.
The next great trick is to turn the desired actions into a competition. Just putting away toys is boring and time-consuming. Playing cleaning is a completely different matter.
Play is a natural need for children, game form they are ready to take on the least favorite things. Competition is also a great motivator.
Famous child psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter gives this example. The parents wanted their son to do exercises. We bought equipment, the father made a horizontal bar in the doorway, but the boy was not particularly interested in it, and he avoided it in every possible way. Then the mother invited her son to compete to see who could do the most pull-ups. They made a table and hung it next to the horizontal bar. As a result, both began to exercise regularly.
A few words about the common practice of paying children to do household chores... It doesn't work in the long run. The child’s demands increase, and the amount of work completed decreases. In one study, students were asked to solve a puzzle. Half of them were paid for it, the others were not. Those who received money were less persistent and quickly stopped trying. Those who acted out of sporting interest spent more time. This once again confirms the well-known rule in psychology: external motivation (even positive) is less effective than internal motivation.
How to ban correctly
Bans are needed not only for physical safety. Numerous studies have shown that childhood has a negative impact on a person’s personality and destiny. Therefore, bans must be mandatory. But it is very important not to go too far, because their excess is also harmful. Let's see what psychologists advise.
1. Flexibility
Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter suggests dividing all the child’s activity into four zones: green, yellow, orange and red.
- The green zone is something that is allowed without any conditions, something that the child can choose for himself. For example, what toys to play with.
- Yellow zone - allowed, but with conditions. For example, you can go for a walk if you do your homework.
- Orange zone - allowed only in exceptional cases. For example, you might not go to bed on time because today is a holiday.
- The red zone is something that is not allowed under any circumstances.
2. Consistency and consistency
If some actions are in the red zone, the child should never be allowed to do them. It’s enough to give in once, and that’s it: children instantly understand that they don’t have to obey. The same applies to the yellow zone. If he hasn't done his homework, he should definitely be deprived of a walk. Firmness and consistency are the main allies of parents. It is equally important that the requirements and prohibitions are agreed upon between family members. When mom forbids eating candy, but dad allows it, nothing good will come of it. Children quickly learn to use differences between adults to their advantage. As a result, neither dad nor mom will achieve obedience.
3. Proportionality
Do not demand the impossible and approach difficult prohibitions with caution. For example, it is very difficult (and for some, simply impossible) for preschoolers to sit quietly for more than 20–30 minutes. It makes no sense to prohibit them from jumping, running and screaming in this situation. Another example: at the age of three, a child begins a period when he refuses all suggestions from his parents. How to deal with this is a separate topic, but “Stop contradicting me!” will only bring harm. Parents should be aware of age characteristics children in order to coordinate their prohibitions with the child’s capabilities.
4. The right tone
A calm, friendly tone is more effective than severity and threats. In one experiment, children were taken into a room with toys. The most attractive was the controlled robot. The experimenter told the child that he would leave and that while he was gone, he could not play with the robot. In one case, the prohibition was strict, harsh, with threats of punishment; in the other, the teacher spoke softly, without raising his voice. The percentage of children who violated the ban was the same. But two weeks later these children were invited back to the same room...
This time no one stopped them from playing with the robot alone. 14 out of 18 children who were strict with the last time immediately took the robot as soon as the teacher left. And most of the children from the other group still did not play with the robot before the teacher arrived. This is the difference between submission and obedience.
stokkete/Depositphotos.com 5. Punishments
Failure to comply with prohibitions must be punished. The most general rules are:
- It is better to deprive something good than to do something bad.
- You can't punish in public.
- Punishment should never be humiliating.
- You cannot punish “for prevention.”
- Of the measures of physical pressure, only restraint is clearly recommended when it is necessary to stop a raging child. It's better to keep it to a minimum.
6. A little naughty
An absolutely obedient child is not the norm. And what kind life experience What will your child get if he always follows the instructions and directions? Sometimes you should allow a child to do something that will harm him. Facing bad consequences - best teacher. For example, a child reaches for a candle. If you see it and are confident that you are in control of the situation (there are no flammable objects nearby), allow it to touch the flame. This will save you from long-winded explanations of why you shouldn’t play with fire. Naturally, the possible harm should be adequately assessed. Allowing a child to stick their fingers into a socket is a crime.
Without following the instructions of adults, breaking locked rules, children always try to achieve or avoid something. For example, to gain attention to yourself or to avoid a traumatic situation. The most important and most difficult task of parents is to understand what is behind disobedience. And for this child you need to listen, you need to talk to him. Unfortunately, magic wands and unicorns do not exist. It is impossible to read an article on Lifehacker and solve all the problems in your relationship with. But you can at least try.
School is a new, important and responsible stage in a child’s life. In the lessons he not only gains knowledge, but also learns to work. Classes with other children instill in children diligence and the ability to systematize the information received.
The ability to study independently and do homework is very important for a student. Parents need to guide their child in the right direction and teach him responsibility.Doing homework plays an important role in this learning process. However, the atmosphere at home is very different from that at school. Firstly, at home the child can be distracted from lessons by other activities, and secondly, there is no control factor such as grades, because parents will not give a bad grade. Plus, the textbook is always at hand and you can peek at it without fear of punishment. Such a free environment has two sides to the coin. It helps to instill interest in learning and knowledge, but at the same time it is dangerous because it can lead to irresponsibility.
Activities with a child at home
First of all, you should understand that a modern school is very different from the schools in which the older generation studied. Currently, the school learning process is structured in such a way that parents need to devote some time to helping their child complete tasks. There are 3 main areas where additional intervention is required from moms and dads:
- Explanation of the material. The child does not always immediately understand everything in class, and sometimes does not listen to everything. The first step is to explain the missed and misunderstood points in the topic being studied.
- Doing homework. Here we need control so that the student does his homework and doesn’t just get bored with his notebook.
- Checking lessons. You should always review how your child has done his homework.
When a child begins to attend school, many parents pin their hopes on the fact that the teachers themselves will convey everything to the students and educate them. However, there are usually about thirty people in a class and it is simply impossible to check whether everyone has learned everything. As a result, either the parents themselves or the tutor can explain to him what he could not understand in class. In one case or another, responsibility for this falls on the shoulders of the parents.
Modern schools heavily burden children with homework, so it is worth supporting the child, especially in the first two years of school, but it is absolutely forbidden to do homework for him. When working with a child at home, it is important not to get angry that you have to waste your time, and not to scold him for the fact that he cannot understand something. It should be borne in mind that it is quite difficult to learn everything during the lesson, because there are many children in the classes at once, and each of them has an individual pace and ability to perceive the material. In addition, there is noise and many other distracting things. So you shouldn’t prematurely attribute misunderstanding to stupidity or laziness. Most likely, the reason is related to concentration or organization of the educational process itself.
Monitoring the completion of lessons
Control over a student while doing homework comes down to sitting next to him or periodically coming and checking what he is doing and how things are progressing. Otherwise, he can quickly switch his attention to an unrelated activity, and then the process can drag on for a long time.
However, according to the experience of many mothers, such constant presence and supervision of the baby is required up to the third grade, after which the need for this disappears. This phenomenon is easily explained. The fact is that all children of primary school age have a deficiency voluntary attention. This is not a disease, it’s just the way a child’s brain works. Over time, the child outgrows this. With age, he will become more diligent, more attentive and focused.
As for the popular diagnosis “ADD(H)”, which sounds like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it can be attributed to at least half of the children studying in the first to third grades. In this case, treatment is not required, but it is necessary to organize optimal conditions for doing homework. In the future, this will help to avoid scandals throughout the entire time of study within the school walls.
The degree of control over how your child does his homework directly depends on his age. It is very important to establish a clear routine and procedure for first and second graders after returning home from school. First, a short rest for an hour or an hour and a half. During this time, the child will have had enough rest from class activities, but will not yet have time to get tired or get very excited while playing and having fun. Children must get used to the fact that they need to do their homework every day.
If your child attends other extracurricular activities, for example, if he goes in for sports, dancing or drawing, you can postpone the lessons to a later time. However, you should not leave them for the evening. For students on the second shift, the ideal time to do homework is in the morning.
The process of adaptation to school can last up to six months. At this stage, parents should help the baby to adhere to the new routine. Some useful tips that will make home exercises more effective:
- A certain rhythm of work. For example, take a break of 5-10 minutes every 25 minutes.
- By the second year of study, it is necessary to teach the child to independently manage his time. From now on, the parent gets involved only if the baby asks for help. Otherwise, you can make the baby think that mom or dad will do everything for him.
- Priority to study. When a child sits down to do homework, nothing should distract him from it, neither a request to take out the trash, nor cleaning his room. All this can be postponed until later.
In the lower grades, the child has not yet adapted and is not used to doing homework. He needs to take breaks from work Middle and high school
At an older age, children usually manage their own time. To do this, they already remember well what, in what volume and when it was given. However, for some reason, not all schoolchildren cope with their lessons at home. There are a number of reasons and explanations for this:
- The load is too high for the baby to cope with. In modern school institutions, a fairly large volume is assigned to the home, as a result of which even additional extracurricular activities lead to overload. Of course, extracurricular activities, like art classes or courses foreign language, are necessary for the more complete development of the baby, but it is very important that they are not forced and do not have the nature of a duty. The child should enjoy the activities and take a break from the school load. In addition, it is advisable not to set time limits for completing lessons. You should simply teach your child to set realistic goals that he can achieve.
- Attracting attention. Constant reproaches, quarrels and scandals will only encourage bad behavior. This is especially true in cases where the child receives attention only as a result of disobedience or misconduct. Praise is the first step towards ensuring that a child can learn to do everything on his own.
- Knowing that the lessons will do for him. Often the child is simply in no hurry to do his homework himself, because he understands that one of the parents will eventually sit next to him and help. Parents' help should consist of directing the child's train of thought in the right direction and simply explaining the task, rather than solving it.
Doing homework quickly and carelessly
A fairly common situation is when a student wants to do his homework faster in order to free up time for games and walks. The parents’ task is to regularly check the quality of the work performed for some period. You should not resort to punishment for poorly done homework. It is better to find out from the child the reason why this happened. It is necessary to make it clear that only after completing his homework will he be able to do things to his liking.
If the child is accustomed to the correct daily routine from the very beginning of the learning process, then doing homework will not become an insurmountable task. It is also important not to tie the baby to grades, but to instill a love of knowledge, since this should be his priority. From the words and actions of the parents, the child must conclude that regardless of his grades and the opinions of teachers, he will always be loved. Awareness of this is a good reason for effort and diligence in your studies.
Homework Basics
After parents have managed to teach their child to do homework independently, without hysterics and orders, they should master simple rules work at home. They will help to avoid the return of problems with completing lessons. These principles are:
- Routine and rest. After classes, the student should have time to rest, at least an hour, so that he can eat and relax without haste. It is ideal if the baby always does his homework at the same time. Plus, 10-minute breaks are needed during the process so that the child does not get overtired.
- Do labor-intensive tasks first. In addition, it is better to teach the student to write everything in a draft first. Only after the adult checks the task will he be able to rewrite the task in a notebook. Also, trust your baby more and don’t control the whole process. The child will definitely appreciate it.
- When errors are discovered during testing, it is important to first praise the child for his work, and then delicately point out them. This ensures that the child has a calm perception of his mistakes and encourages his desire to correct them on his own.
- During classes, you should never raise your voice at a child, criticize or call him names. This will lead to loss of respect and trust in parents.
- Due to the complexity of the material taught in modern schools, it is better for mothers and fathers to study in advance the topic in which they are unsure in order to explain it to their child in a quality manner, if necessary.
- Don't do your child's homework. He should help only in difficult situations, but he must decide, write and draw himself. The main thing is that he acquires knowledge, and a good grade is a secondary matter.
It is important not to refuse help to your child, even with other plans. Parents are responsible for children, and it is they who need to organize the daily routine and motivate him to study.
It is wrong to punish for inattention, since this is an age-related property that the student does not yet know how to control. Forcing you to do your homework is also not the best approach. It is better to explain in an accessible way the significance of the knowledge gained.
Clinical and perinatal psychologist, graduated from the Moscow Institute of Perinatal Psychology and Reproductive Psychology and Volgograd State Medical University with a degree in clinical psychology
Reading time: 7 minutes.
The child does not obey, and this greatly complicates the life of the parents. The transformation of an obedient child into an uncontrollable spoiler can be unnoticeable. The modern pace of life makes our children grow up faster. The reason for this is most often a violation of the emotional connection between the child and the adult. Simply put, parents do not take seriously what interests the child, and he, in turn, stops hearing the adult.
In fact, it is very important how an adult talks to his child: with what intonation and what tone. Words must be heard, and therefore pronounced clearly and meaningfully. In order for a child to feel that everything really needs to be done, an adult needs to confirm his words with actions. Here are some tips on how to effectively get your child to listen.
Disobedience is a type of protest
Develop the habit of listening
At the ages of three and seven years, a child usually experiences a kind of relationship when he wants to do everything the other way around. The other extreme is if the child obeys everyone recklessly. Both behavior is wrong. A child must distinguish people who are significant to him and obey only them. It happens that a child obeys one of the parents, which means that he chose him as his leader.
The habit of obeying is a necessary condition proper education. Ideally, he does not need to repeat anything, however, to achieve this behavior, you need to know the features childhood. For example, becoming an authority figure is more difficult for a 13-15 year old child than for any other child. The main thing here is not to miss the moment.
Existing methods of training obedience
Modern pedagogy offers a step-by-step method that contains stages of education from simple to complex. If you follow this method, the result will please you. Although the method is considered universal, it is optimal to start using it when the child is 2 years old; at the age of 14-15 years it may not work. The teenager should try to become an adviser and teach him to solve problems on his own.
Give your child tasks that he likes So, at first, without violence, the child does only what he wants. Observe your child at this moment and take note of what he likes and what he gravitates towards most. For example, your child draws. Praise him and ask him to draw something for him. The drawing will continue, but the baby, without noticing it, is already fulfilling your request. The goal of the first stage is to ensure that the child’s actions coincide with your request.
How to teach children to come to you when called?
5 reasons for a 4-year-old child not to obey, try treating him with something tasty every time or just hug him and kiss him. If he didn’t come the first time, call him again and remind him that he needs to come right away.
Urgent matters, how to explain their importance?
Suppose you are playing with a child and the action is in full swing, but the time has come and you need to prepare lunch. Don’t be silent, explain everything to your child as it is. He will understand, and you will be able to negotiate with him every time you need it.
Have a dialogue with your child What to do if a child is naughty?
Some children try to get their way through whims. The task of parents at this stage is to stop the whims and make the child hear you. To do this, you just need to stop indulging the child in his whims. At the same time, all household members must be at the same time, otherwise the result will not be achieved.
At the age of six, it is time to begin a more complex stage. You need to move from requests to demands, not abruptly, but very carefully. First, demand something that the child would do without your orders. For example, you know that he enjoys going out to buy bread, but does not like to take out the trash. You say firmly: “Go get some bread!”, and he obediently follows the order, which is exactly what is needed. Just don’t ask to do everything at once.
We teach the child to perform duties
Requirements - individual tasks, responsibilities - systematic. Already at the age of three, a child should already know about them. Explain why it is important to fulfill responsibilities and that all adults do this. Tell him what will happen if people stop fulfilling their duties.
At first, they should be simple, preferably those that bring positive emotions. Parents should know that teaching children to perform duties is not easy and takes time.
Responsibilities must be feasible for children Independent problem solving
This is the next stage after the child has learned to perform duties. Independent activities sometimes consist of a whole set of tasks. For example, prepare yourself for a hike or excursion, or help your household. It is time to develop this quality at the age of 12, and this stage is associated with an understanding of the concept of independence. The child must understand that by performing independent actions, he takes responsibility, that is, he is responsible for his actions. For example, a child received money from you to pay for electricity. Explain to him how important it is to pay for these services so that he understands the responsibility and understands what will happen if he does not.
Older children should have responsibilities around the house The role of motivation in training obedience
Notations and threats are ineffective methods of education. The best ways gaming or competitive. For example, turn cleaning into interesting game. Your child is a police investigator or treasure hunter. He explores the area of the room and looks for missing toys. The task: find everything and put them in their place.
Avoid monotony. The more interesting the assignments, the more attention they will attract. Try instructing your child to do some speed action. Then, complete everything faster, and then beat the record of previous days, etc.
Even cleaning can be turned into an interesting game If there are other children in the family, then you can arrange a tournament between them. This will make children's lives more diverse.
To make your child want to clean his room, hide his favorite toy and tell him that he can find it only after cleaning the room.
What to do with a teenager?
Teenagers also don't like to clean their room. How to make a child obey in this case? After all, they may avoid communicating with adults, and especially their requests.
The hardest thing to communicate with a teenager Try to motivate your child, explain to him that with order in his room, he will have more order in his life and everything will be much easier for him. An organized room makes him more disciplined and fit. Find him an example worthy of imitation. This could be someone you know who has achieved success in life or his idol. Possibly application negative examples to explain what not to do.
Shame the child, tell him that successful adults have order in their house, and he is not one of them yet.
Teenagers need to be taught to keep order Try cleaning the room with your child together, talk to him, showing respect. Just be careful. There is a risk of invading someone else's territory, because the child may have his own secrets that he would hardly want to share with.
Do not demand from your child the perfect fulfillment of your requests and demands, this can discourage them from fulfilling them for a long time. And praise them often when they heard you and showed obedience.
The beginning of the school year for a primary school student is a real scourge for many parents and their children. A huge number of worried mothers of first-graders or older children complain that their child does not want to do homework, he is inattentive, lazy, capricious, the child cannot concentrate, and constantly resorts to the help of parents, even if the homework is very simple. How to teach a child to do homework on his own, and what to do if the child does not want to learn homework at all?
In general, it is necessary to instill in a child independence, responsibility and the habit of doing homework on his own in the first grade. But, if attempts to do this are unsuccessful, the problem cannot be ignored either, and categorically. An important caveat - approaches to younger schoolchildren at 6-7 years old and 8-9 years old they are somewhat different, although the main thing is still the incentive (usually praise).
It is, of course, difficult to force a child to do his homework, to teach him to do his homework independently and accurately. But you need to try, otherwise today’s hassle will seem like “flowers” to you in the future. So brace yourself, dear mothers, and don’t let your future genius go downhill!
. HOW TO TEACH A CHILD TO DO HOMEWORK IN FIRST GRADE?
Well, it's begun! All sorts of “pleasures” associated with the admiration of others about the talent and intelligence of your preschooler, inspired efforts to outfit a first-grader, and the celebration of September 1 itself are a thing of the past. But instead, it turned out that the diligence and desire with which your baby just recently added numbers, wrote the first words on paper, read sentences, suddenly disappeared somewhere. And doing homework turned into a real nightmare. But what happened, why does the child not want to do his homework, why has the desire to learn disappeared?
. Why doesn't my child want to do homework?
Educational psychologists have a very clear opinion on this matter. If a first-grader does not want to learn his homework, this can only mean one thing: the child is not succeeding. And there is only one way out - parents must help him and at first do homework with the child together, patiently and sympathetically. But here there are several very important psychological points.
Even if your baby visited kindergarten or went to special preparatory classes to school, he was never required to do homework every day, to put it simply, he was simply not used to it. Moreover, involuntary attention and memory - when a child can remember the contents of almost an entire book without noticing it - begin to fade, and precisely at the age of six or seven. But voluntariness - the ability to force oneself to do something through willpower - is just beginning to form. Therefore, your first-grader is having a really hard time right now, and laziness has absolutely nothing to do with it. What's the solution?
If a child does not want to do homework, parents should introduce a certain routine. Determine with him a specific time when exactly he will sit down to do his homework. This could be at very different times. different days, especially if the first-grader has additional loads - clubs, sections, etc.
Of course, after school you should relax, and not just have lunch. Be sure to take into account the family schedule - the child should not sit at homework when dad comes home from work, or grandma comes to visit, or you and your younger brother or sister go to the playground, etc. In this case, the child cannot concentrate, and it will be extremely difficult to force the child to do his homework; he may even get offended and say “I don’t want to learn my homework.” And by the way, he will be absolutely right - why should studying become akin to punishment for him, it is so difficult for him, he tries, but he is also punished for it!
If this is provided, then it is strictly forbidden to deviate from the schedule without a good reason. Otherwise, there should be penalties, which you also need to agree on with your child in advance. Surely, this will come down to depriving him of some personal pleasures, for example, “exclusion” from the computer, TV, etc. It is not advisable to deprive children of training and walks in the fresh air, since since the beginning of the school year your baby has already begun to move much less and spends a lot of time indoors.
It is best to do homework with your child an hour and a half after returning from school, so that the child has time to rest from classes, but not get too excited or tired from playing with friends and having fun at home. The intellectual activity of children increases after a small physical activity- This scientific fact, so he needs to play after school, but only in moderation.
As soon as the first grader comes home from school, help him put his textbooks and notebooks out of his briefcase. Carefully fold them on the left corner of the table - you will then move them to the right corner as you complete your homework. You can open your notebook and textbook in advance - it is always easier to continue any work than to start it.
When the appointed time comes, ask the child to remember what was assigned for homework. It is important that he knows that this also concerns him, despite the fact that his mother has everything written down. If the child remembers at least partially, you should definitely praise him.
If a first-grader has trouble writing numbers or letters, a simple trick can help - playing school, where your child will be the teacher and you will be the student. Let him “teach” you to write numbers or letters: you graduated from school a long time ago and managed to “forget” something. Let him first write with his finger in the air, saying his actions out loud in detail, and only then write it down in a notebook. While writing, the child should be silent, since babies hold their breath when they try and cannot speak.
It is very useful to sculpt numbers and letters from plasticine and learn to recognize them by touch. You can display them on a tray with cereal, with your finger in the sand, etc. If a child cannot concentrate and gets tired quickly, there is no point in insisting on continuing classes. It’s better to announce a short break - five minutes, give the task to jump 10 times, or, for example, crawl under a chair. The main thing is not to get carried away, the number of exercises should be strictly limited, otherwise you will quickly lose control over the situation and will not be able to force your child to do his homework again.
If your child has difficulty reading, try attaching leaves with syllables and syllables around the house, in various places. in short words written in different fonts, different colors, turned upside down, sideways. This will help you unconsciously learn to recognize letters and develop automaticity when reading.
To teach your child to do his homework on his own, teach him to use dictionaries, encyclopedias and reference books. Ask him what this or that word means, pretend that you don’t know it and ask the child for help. Trying to cope with the task without outside help and find answers to all questions on their own, the baby learns to think intelligently and thoughtfully. And, in addition, information learned in this way is remembered much better than answers provided “on a silver platter.”
If the child still doesn’t want to do his homework, you need to fundamentally change your approach. Be wiser, turn on “cunning” and “helplessness”: “Help me, please. There’s something I just can’t read…”, “Somehow my handwriting has completely deteriorated. Remind me how to write this letter beautifully...” No child can resist this approach. And of course, thank and praise him more often! Even the smallest achievement is the main key to success!
. HOW TO MAKE A JUNIOR SCHOOL CHILDREN DO HIS LESSONS?
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for students in elementary grades to tell their parents “I don’t want to learn homework”, to not want to do homework on their own, and to constantly seek help from their parents, even if the homework is very simple. At the same time, these same children can happily help around the house, go to the store, and work with the younger children in the family. Parents are at a loss - it seems that the child is not lazy, which means that his attitude towards homework cannot be explained by simple laziness, but the problem with homework cannot be ignored either. What to do? First of all, you need to find the real reason why the child does not want to do his homework.
HOW IS SCHOOL GOING? The most important thing is to understand in time how your child’s relationships develop at school - with peers, with the teacher. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for children, having encountered their first failures, and having been ridiculed by classmates and having encountered the indifference of a mentor (this happens quite often in our time), begin to experience fear, to be afraid of the next mistakes. Such feelings and emotions can be so strong that the child cannot concentrate, unable to cope with them.
Children cannot explain, and often do not understand, what exactly is happening to them, but their behavior changes significantly. The main task of parents is to recognize a negative situation as soon as possible and immediately take appropriate measures. A particular danger is that a child withdraws from such fears, “disconnects” from the world around him, and becomes somewhat inhibited. At the same time, he may look absolutely normal, serene and calm on the outside, but this impression is deceptive. No one but you knows your baby well enough to notice something wrong in time and interpret it correctly.
If such psychological trauma is not eliminated in a timely manner, it can develop into school neurosis, as psychologists call it, which can be fraught with a nervous breakdown and various psychosomatic ailments. What should parents do in such cases? First of all, you need to show restraint and patience, calm the child and help him. You should do homework with your child, even when you are sure that he can easily do his homework on his own and can do his homework on his own. Under no circumstances do homework for him, just be a support for him, encourage him, praise him - give him the opportunity to make sure that he is doing well.
DIFFICULT TASKS. There are situations in which the reluctance to do homework on your own is due to their objective difficulty. For example, at these pores the child may well have undeveloped logical thinking. In this case, he simply does not consider it necessary to do something that he does not understand. And your attempt to force your child to learn his lessons will only lead him into even greater confusion and provoke disobedience.
What's the solution? Parents need to follow their student’s reasoning about the progress of solving the task, so they can understand exactly where difficulties arise. You can’t get angry and scold a child for something he doesn’t understand. You should teach the child, help him, explain with examples, and only then expect that he will be able to do his homework on his own. He, of course, thinks and understands, he just does it a little differently, and differently than you does not mean wrong.
LACK OF ATTENTION. It happens that a child does not want to do his homework, refuses to do his homework only because this is the easiest way to attract the attention of his parents. IN in this case his “I don’t want to learn lessons” means that he feels lonely, feels a lack of parental care and affection. Then he instinctively tries to solve this problem, and since he is a smart kid, he understands that poor performance will cause concern from his parents and increased attention to him. That’s why he doesn’t want to do his homework and deliberately, and perhaps unknowingly, “fails” his studies.
The solution here is simple - surround the child with proper attention and care. Moreover, this does not necessarily have to be joint homework, rather the opposite. If you want to teach your child to do his homework on his own, reward him with active communication for his efforts. But this must be done wisely, so that the child does not develop the feeling that your love can only be earned; he must know that you love him even when he suffers from failures and nothing works out.
LAZINESS AND IRRESPONSIBILITY. Unfortunately, it also happens that a child does not want to do his homework simply because he is lazy and irresponsible about his studies. It is unrealistically difficult to force him to learn his lessons, and when he succeeds, the quality is extremely poor, done “anyhow”, just so that they “get behind him.” The blame for this lies entirely with the parents, who did not instill in their child a sense of responsibility for their own actions and deeds. But now it’s not too late, so correct the current situation and don’t be lazy in raising your child yourself.
Explain to him that he is studying not for his parents, not for grades, but for himself first and foremost. If he received a bad mark at school for an uncompleted assignment, do not reproach him or scold him - he must explain himself why he received a bad mark. Ask him this question - show patience and calm - this will force the child to analyze his own actions, and it will probably be awkward for him to explain himself, so next time he will prefer to learn his lessons.
In some cases, it would not be superfluous to use punishments, for example, for unfinished homework and to deprive some life values of bad marks. For example, introduce a ban on playing on the computer, or going to the cinema, and so on - you can see what exactly he prefers to study and values especially highly. The child should know about this, and then let him decide for himself what is more important for him. Just don’t cancel your own decisions - sensing weakness, he will begin to boycott you in everything, not just in studies.
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Children studying in primary school schools require unlimited patience and increased attention. Unfortunately, nothing can be done here - this is a fact, you need to come to terms with it. Don't leave your children alone with their problems, this can have bad consequences. Be caring, attentive and patient - the baby will grow up and everything will work out, and problems will pass by!
Yana Lagidna, especially for the site
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