Life is beautiful in all its manifestations.
Part 1. Rise and fall.
Chapter 1. Strange homeless man.
Life is beautiful in all its manifestations, life is beautiful in all its manifestations and..., life is beautiful..., pulsated in the brain, an unfinished thought in a few words. This happens when words, or rather a few words, of some simple song can unexpectedly come to mind and become attached to you for the whole day. More often than not, you just hear a melody and start whistling it. Sometimes the words of that song come out on their own, and you sing; more often
falsetto; and still eat. It doesn’t oblige you to anything, but it doesn’t interfere either, and things even get done more fun... And here comes the definition of not something insignificant, but the significance of life... It dug in like a spider, though so gently, with paws as soft as velvet and melted, melted the brains. -In all its manifestations it is beautiful, or at least in its manifestations. From this intrusive and annoying thought, like a rat, he woke up. Without opening his eyes, he tried to stretch out on his bed and, turning on his right side, buried his whole body in something soft.
“Are you awake?” this soft whispered gently. He opened, no, rather, with difficulty opened the slits of his eyes, feeling pain. Bent over him was the face of a girl, half sitting, half lying on the edge of a narrow and uncomfortable couch. The dim light of the smoking wick of a kerosene lamp under the ceiling, extending into the darkness of the heating main, illuminated small area indoors. Only the right side of her face, her bare shoulder and the contours of her small breasts under the slip were clearly visible. This means that, despite the cold in the tunnel, she also undressed yesterday. He himself was shirtless, but the heat of the pipes that warmed the bed from below did not create the necessary thermal comfort. It was just cold and he stood up and pulled his sheepskin coat higher, covering her and himself with it. With a joyful exclamation, she lay down next to him, helping him push the edges of the casing under his side. Then she clung to him and trustingly laid her head on his broad chest. With a cool palm she gently stroked his face and neck. Her hand went limp on her shoulder and the girl fell asleep.
“Life is beautiful in all its manifestations and vicissitudes of fate,” he joyfully thought, and then - a crazy thought that an evening incident could become fateful in their lives?
Has he long ago gotten used to the idea that he attracts the attention of others only with his pitiful appearance? For ordinary people, homeless people, beggars and people who have sunk to a similar state have always been and will be outcasts of society? Not a single civilized state has more or less acceptable programs for the return to society of at least young and healthy people from such an environment.. Shelters, rehabilitation and adaptation centers for persons without a fixed place of residence, the same rehabilitation centers for persons released from prison. Well, yes, there are homes for the elderly and orphanages and boarding schools. Naturally, there is also something where you can just spend the night and eat for free.
IN big cities volunteers deliver the stew and feed it to hungry and sick people right on the street. Although the state allocates millions of funds, homeless people and street children have filled the country. If earlier a person was sent to prison for parasitism, and there he brought at least some benefit to the State, now... However, as he realized later, the prison cannot solve either this or any other task assigned to it. The poor and dispossessed rummage through garbage containers. They spend the night, no, they live for years in heating mains and in garbage dumps. Here they manage to give birth to children, but they also die in the tens of thousands, both summer and winter, especially in winter. Of course, they are buried at the expense of the state. How many unmarked graves of such people are scattered across the earth. Yes, what about homeless people? - normal person I am forced to crawl through garbage dumps to feed my family and myself. For the sixth year now, these and similar thoughts haunted the man who was falling asleep on a makeshift bed next to a young and beautiful girl.
This improvised bed was a platform of two crossbars and four unplaned boards nailed to them. The mattress from the king-size bed, placed on boards, with several springs sticking out of the holes, was, however, covered with a fresh sheet. The bed was located on two heating pipes of the city’s central heating main. It rested on bricks stacked a meter high. Several pillows and cotton blankets, also in clean pillowcases and duvet covers, lay on two bedside tables placed close to the pipes. At the foot of the bed hung a black suit on hangers, several shirts also on hangers, suspended by hooks in the ceiling of the heating main; and everything is covered in cellophane. A floor-length gray canopy, made of rugs and scraps of multi-colored thick fabric, more like heavy curtains, separated part of the tunnel immediately at the head of the bed. Three, maybe a little more than a meter from this canopy, a second one was built from a felt mat and two inexpensive carpets. The floor was covered with the same rug, with small rugs on top of it. Near the bedside tables there was a washbasin hanging over a bucket, and a flask of water stood on the pipes.
The girl’s outer and lower clothes lay on two stools, and her winter boots were broken on the floor near the stools. The owner's trousers, shirt and sweater, which he had thrown onto some semblance of a bookshelf, now hung over the bed, ready to fall on the people sleeping on the chimneys. A torn sheepskin coat, thrown on top of the blanket, also gradually rolled off them along with the blanket, revealing their naked bodies. On a high and narrow table there was a kerosene stove, several glasses in cup holders, a saucepan with leftover food, several apples, and an open box of chocolates lying on a laptop. An almost empty bottle of expensive vodka and a full bottle of equally expensive Cahors did not contrast in any way with the entire dungeon decor, much less with the trampled tarpaulin boots lying near the ladder placed next to the bed. And certainly not with a fat rat scurrying around near them.
What and how brought these people here? - you ask, tired of contemplating this unsightly picture. Well, the story will be long...
Suddenly, or finally, things that fell almost simultaneously from the shelf and a blanket with a sheepskin coat onto the floor woke up the man. He carefully disentangled himself from the girl’s embrace, sat down and, fiddling with the wick of the lamp, turned on the fire. The lamp smoked mercilessly, but the twilight receded, freeing up a small circle of light. Then the man reached for the stack of blankets lying at the foot of the bed and carefully straightened them, looking sideways at the girl. She looked no more than 20-24 years old. She was not much shorter than him, but he was taller than average. He even played for the honor of the border school as a member of the basketball team. He was added to the team, most likely because of his height. He didn't like game types sports. All-around was his strong point. How long ago it was... Without haste to cover the girl with a blanket, he admired her half-naked body. The fool even took off her panties, he thought with tenderness and without condemnation, peering into the dark bush of his womb, but resolutely pulling back the pulled up combination.
-Natasha, Natasha: - with these words from the song he woke her up, or maybe when he covered her with a blanket. She opened her eyes wide, pulled the blanket to her throat, as if protecting herself from him...
“What are you doing, Natalya Sergeevna?” the man said in bewilderment, even trying to move away.
She looked at him with a bewildered, haunted and suddenly extinguished gaze, and tears rolled down from her eyes, so mischievous just yesterday.
He reached out to her to dry those eyes with a kiss, but suddenly stopped, realizing that he couldn’t even touch her with his hand, at least not now. “My dear, my happiness,” whispered, no, his soul sobbed in unison with her silent cry, but he was silent. “Lie down Natasha, calm down, I’ll boil the tea now,” he said restrainedly and, getting up, began to slide to the foot of the bed.
-No, don’t, don’t leave, don’t leave, forgive me Valery Dmitrievich, Valera, Valera, my savior: - and she, grabbing his hand, sharply pulled him towards her with such force that he fell on her without having time to spring back your fall with your free hand.
His body pressed into hers like a meteorite piercing the ground, but did not cause her any tangible harm. He felt both hardness and softness on his face. female body, lips flattened against her chest and caught a nipple. Hands finally lifted him above her. He ran his right hand over her body from her shoulders to her hips, gently stroking and squeezing the lumps of her breasts, the elastic muscles of her abdomen, the external and internal sides hips He leaned over her, kissing her softly on the lips. The girl was seized with a slight trembling, she did not resist and submissively, spreading her legs, pulled him towards her by the shoulders. Having crushed the girl under him, he carefully entered her. She screamed.
- Maybe it’s not necessary, dear? :- Valery whispered, realizing the responsibility of the moment and also understanding that she would no longer stop him, and he himself, like tonight, would not restrain himself. And he can’t, to be honest. A male awakened in him, having achieved the female’s favor, or simply subjugating her to himself. Natalya opened her eyes, looking at him questioningly. Her hands, leaving his shoulders, hastily crawled to his buttocks and demandingly pulled them towards her. The movements of his strong body did damage to her, such a frail and small body in comparison with him. And she
arching in a moan, she bit her forearm, he stopped for a moment, giving her the opportunity to rest and entered her with new passion. At first she moaned only from pain, but the more and more tenderly he kissed her on the lips, breasts, neck, earlobes and again on the lips, the more frequent and intermittent the girl’s breathing became, the more passionate and longer the moans became, but already moans of pleasure and voluptuousness .
-I want to cum, I want to cum, I’m cumming, I, I... Her body tensed, she arched, like a bowstring before releasing an arrow, but he already shot, however, pitying her, no protecting her and, pulling out a destructive weapon from her womb, but pressing it to the growths in the lower abdomen, he splashed out the contents of a month’s abstinence on Natasha’s stomach. For several minutes she could not come to her senses and he, carefully playing with the lips and clitoris of the wet and still excited vagina, brought her to a second, longer orgasm.
- Oh, what a woman, what a woman. I would like this: - the words of the song flashed through my head. Yes, what kind of day is this - a song-filled day? - Valery thought peacefully.
“You lie down for now, and I’ll boil some tea,” he said and carefully, rolling over the girl, he jumped down. The rat reluctantly ran over the edge of the makeshift screen and immediately looked out from there, moving the bristles of its whiskers. An ordinary person probably would not have seen anything in this twilight of the fenced-off tunnel area. Valery had long been accustomed to such lighting in his home and could see perfectly. The girl turned in his direction and carefully watched as he, picking up his clothes from the floor and shaking them slightly, quickly got dressed. Then he cut off the beard and mustache hair with scissors. He lathered almost his entire face and, bending in front of the mirror, deftly shaved. I rinsed with water up to my waist. He poured cologne onto his palms and smacked his cheeks. The pleasant smell of good cologne spread throughout the room in an instant. Under the admiring glances of the girl, Valery took water from a flask, lit a kerosene stove and, putting the kettle on the fire, began to cut sausage and bread. Approaching the bed, he took the girl in his arms and, sitting her on a stool with her things, offered her to wash.
-In the meantime, I’ll go upstairs, not for long: -kissing and hugging her, -the water in the basin is still hot...
Moving the hatch to the side, he quickly climbed up and ran to the gray building in the distance, calling someone on his cell phone as he went. Near the pumping station, he quickly looked around, picking up something like a crowbar or rubbing the fittings with the edge of his jacket. Then he wrapped it in a handkerchief, grabbing the already wrapped area with his other hand, and bent over the corpses of two middle-aged people. Squeezing their palms in turn on the armature, he left it in the hands of the short, strong man. Looking into the room and making sure of something, he chuckled with satisfaction. I carefully wiped the door bolt with the same handkerchief. He took the ringing phone out of his pocket and listened carefully. Then he gave several orders:
-Do not let the doctor out until I arrive.
-Where is the guy? Still there? Strange, they weren't here...
-Don’t approach the corpses here, just cover your tracks well.
-Don’t call me anymore, speed up the documents and everything you said...
Having replaced the SIM card in his cell phone, Valery quickly
walked back, sprinkling shag on the trail. About 70 meters later he ran again, without looking back.
“Well, how are you here, aren’t you bored?” he brought the already dressed girl out of her thoughtful state.
“Did you go there?” she asked, looking at him for a long time. Holding this gaze, he evasively offered a snack with a smile. Having thoroughly washed his hands with soap, feeling her gaze on his back, he agonized over how to behave further. There was an urgent need to leave here, perhaps forever.
She herself suggested this to him, and they quickly, having eaten a sandwich each and not drinking enough of the cooled tea, began to hastily pack their things.
“You go out,” said Valery, handing her a lantern: “I’ll be there now.”
Taking out clean linen from the bedside tables, mink hat, a sheepskin coat and two small packages, he folded everything on the bed. I quickly changed my clothes. He put the packages in his briefcase and put his laptop on top. He pulled out new fur-lined boots from the nightstand and, cursing at the inconvenience, changed his shoes without sitting down. After dousing the blanket and pillow with kerosene, he bent down again and squeaked to call the rat. She approached trustingly. “We’re moving, my dear,” Valery said sadly for some reason, placing the rat in his briefcase. Then he lit a short candle, which he stuck between two pillows and went to the hatch.
He quickly got out and looked around, looking for the girl. Footprints in the snow pointed in the direction of a small embankment near a dozen trees.
-Are you scared? No, the traces of a man walking at a leisurely pace, as if on a walk: he thought, following her trail. Having almost reached a hill, lightly sprinkled with snow, he saw her rise, straightening the skirts of her coat.
Smiling embarrassedly, she said: “I almost peed myself...
Taking her hand and quickly leading her in another direction, he asked: “Can you not ask me about anything, much less tell me about what happened yesterday for at least a couple of days?” The girl even stopped in surprise. He carefully, so as not to scare her, pulled her further. A deserted highway with a lonely car appeared, and Valery quickly walked towards it, tightly holding the girl’s hand. The car did not turn off. “Apparently the owner went out of need,” the girl thought. Opening the back door of the car, he wanted to put Natasha in the seat, but she shook her head negatively and, opening the front door, resolutely climbed into the cabin. He quickly got behind the wheel and drove off sharply. We drove in silence, and after 20 minutes the first city buildings appeared. It was getting light. Lights lit up in the windows of the houses. There were already people standing at the stops waiting for the first buses. Traffic lights flashed warning orange at intersections. But they always got a green light, and Valera couldn’t really look at the girl’s face, let alone have a normal conversation. Finally, he simply turned to the right and stopped the car. He turned to the girl and asked: “What will we do next?” What do you think about all this?
“I don’t know, I don’t want to think, but you didn’t kill them?” she said quickly, looking at him with the same searching gaze as at night.
- Not sure.
-But they weren’t there? Did you go there? It wasn't?
“It wasn’t,” he lied, playing along with her.
-Tell me, who are the three you came with? Yours: - he couldn’t find the correct definition: - friends?
She, twisting her face in a disgusted grimace, said quietly: “The guys are from the third year of university.” Tanya and I were given a ride home from the dance. When they offered to drink and go for a ride, she persuaded me to go with them. She said that she liked Andrey and did not want to miss such an opportunity. She asked me to play along with her. The guys are quiet, they say. She fell silent, apparently the horror of everything that had happened began to dawn on her.
- When two people started pestering her too openly at once, I began to persuade them, trying to convince them that it would be better in the room and on the bed. We had just arrived at this hut, and Nikolai slowed down, mentioning that he had already been here. They dragged us out of the car and into a booth. I broke free and ran. And then she fell and hit something. I heard both the guys and Tanya screaming, then I heard the sound of a car driving away. The noise stopped. I was very cold and went back. How stupid, how stupid...and scary. She fell silent. Valery set off and drove off. He made a decision, realizing the recklessness of his action. Just in case, he wiped everything his and Natasha’s hands touched with a flannel rag, put on gloves and closed the door with the key, dropping it on the floor and pushing it under the body of the car with his foot. At the nearest parking lot, he started up an old Moskvich-412 and, driving out of the parking gate, taxied up to Natasha, who was waiting for him at the nearest bend in the road. Gallantly opening the door, although without getting out of the car, Valera extended his hand to the girl. She closed the door herself on the fourth times. His short instruction about who and what she should be afraid of, how to behave in the coming hours and even days did not frighten her. She intuitively understood that Valera was not insuring herself, but was afraid for her. She was flattered by this. When he dropped her off near the institute's dormitory, she felt like Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya, ready for a feat, but not understanding why.
As soon as Valery and Natasha drove away from their last habitat outside the city, two people rose from the ground and quickly ran in two directions. One picked up the trunk of a small tree from the ground and ran to the hatch, from which a strip of black and acrid smoke appeared.
The snow above the hatch has melted. After about 10 minutes the hatch cooled down and arrived
I began to level and cover the tracks leading from the hatch to the road, while sprinkling something on the snow. Throwing the trunk away from the road and admiring the fruits of his labor, he rushed along the road to the booth. When the pumping building turned out to be perpendicular to the road, he broke out several branches, and then, covering his tracks with an improvised broom and scattering shag, he entered the booth.
Having caught their breath, they spoke in a low voice: “Those two blind man’s buffs, judging by the newspaper reports, are runaways, and they’ve been broadcasting signs on the radio for two days now.” I wish I could tell you,” the first one said dreamily: “the reward has been promised.”
-Calm down. They won’t let us, and they’ll also pin the murders on us all.
-We need to leave, Mole. They put on rubber boots, put their shoes in a large bag and walked through the sewer tunnel in ankle-deep water. The smell was disgusting. But they walked, as if along an alley in the forest, talking and habitually inhaling the stale air, “Cease contact with everyone.” Don’t let it slip, look neither about the girl you found, nor about... these freaks... -Got it? - the second one suddenly said.
Got it, got it Mole. Here's another burden on our necks...
-Tell me, where and from whom did you learn about the whereabouts of the fugitives?-
asked the first.
-Why the homeless man needed this is none of our business...
Life is a chance for happiness. And happiness is the body’s adjustment to the perception of reality
"Know yourself!" Got it. And this does not make it any easier for me to know the other. On the contrary, as soon as I start
Judging a person by oneself results in misunderstanding after misunderstanding.
There are no hopeless situations. There is a way out that a person is not happy with.
God, what a crazy time! Even those who never had a mind in the first place began to go crazy!
Only a nugget of the soul can become a diamond. Don't look for it anywhere else. He's not there.
To be wise is to see, not to know.
You can’t drown in the puddles of your eyes.
In love it’s like on a motorcycle: the third one is either extra or in the sidecar.
In loving people who love you, but in rejecting people who do not accept you, lies selfishness.
In the lower grades, boys beat beautiful girls over the head with briefcases, and then they wonder why everyone beautiful girls- fools.
There are no shortcomings in a person, there is only ineffective use of his potential.
Everything comes to an end, even things that never began.
Even if you are almost an ANGEL, there will always be someone who will not like the rustle of your wings...
Even the most dull room will be enlivened by the most ordinary children, beautifully placed in the corners...
Even the most beautiful legs grow from the ass.
Money is a drug. Because they give a person the most stable illusion of well-being.
Depression is living with someone else's goals.
Home is not a place where you live, but a place where you are understood.
Just because you did everything right does not mean that everything will be fine for you.
The desire for fame is the fear of death.
The victim and the tyrant are two sides of one person.
A woman’s life consists of two periods - waiting for marriage and regretting her past youth.
Life passes exactly at the speed at which a person runs through it.
Tomorrow never comes. You wake up - and again today...
Going towards what is pleasant and moving away from what is unpleasant are two different directions.
Just as thirst cannot be quenched from a dry spring, so it is impossible to demand love from a devastated person.
How often do we make the right conclusions instead of making the right ones?
Only he is able to feel another who stops thinking about himself.
A sparkle in the soul is better than a star in the sky.
It's better to sleep through the sunset than the dawn.
There are no impossible tasks. There may not be enough action to make a task possible.
Don’t trust someone who is kind and fair to everyone; he has absolutely no time or energy for loved ones.
Don't miss the opportunity to help a person when he asks. Tomorrow it will be too late, and he doesn’t need any other help.
The impossible is determined only by consciousness.
There is nothing easier than making life difficult for yourself.
Resentment is a hidden accusation of another for one’s troubles. A quarrel is an open accusation of another for one's shortcomings.
They want me to comply. But they don't know how to lead me.
Optimism is the preponderance of faith over experience.
Digging up a vegetable garden is easy when you know you can plow up the field.
If you quarreled, you scold yourself (from the rules of the Russian language).
You can only arrive where you are going.
Rock, like a predetermined fate, is a product of laziness.
A person's strength lies in the strength of his desires.
Conscious desire is characteristic only of Man.
Among the things that really interest me, your opinion of me falls somewhere between the problems of migration of the long-eared owl and the peculiarities of taxation in the Congo.
Fear is the surrender of one's own forces to external ones.
The desire for perfection kills beauty.
The desire for correctness is self-hatred.
Happiness is when they understand you, but they can’t do anything...
Anyone who deliberately evokes pity for themselves simply wants to be the center of attention. Isn't this vanity?
To humiliate yourself is to make yourself lower than you really are.
Success is a diamond that has been cut for more than one day.
To want or not to want? That is the question.
The end justifies any means, but not all means lead to the end.
The more fools you meet along the way, the more obvious it is that you are following the beaten path.
What is an exchange of views? This is when you go to your boss with your boss and leave with his.
The feeling of loneliness is a requirement of love. From others.
I'm already completely happy
That I drink the drink of existence.
What do I want from life? Nothing.
And she has just too much of this.
The American poet Emily Dickinson has an aphorism: “Love is everything. And that’s all we know about her.” Writers, artists, musicians have tried to solve the riddle of Love for centuries... True, no one has been able to give a definite answer. In the publication National Geographic the project started "Love Snap", within the framework of which all readers who are partial to photography had the opportunity to reflect on love in all its diversity.
The “Love Snap” project brings together photographs that reveal a theme in one way or another love. Among the best, the organizers noted 27 photographs, each of which is original and filled with a boundless feeling of tenderness and warmth. One of the most interesting works belongs to the photographer Ankit Narang; the photo entitled “Aerial Love” depicts the future newlyweds on the eve of the wedding. They lie on the ground covered with pink petals.
In some photographs you can see children: just look at the touching couple - a young artist and her kitten friend - or a smiling girl captured against the backdrop of a double rainbow in the Arizona desert.
Particular sincerity radiates from photographs of parents and their children. A grandmother running around the garden with her granddaughter, a mother holding her daughter, and a father in whose arms a newborn baby is sleeping - all these moments are attractive in their uniqueness.
Of course, among the most emotional, black and white photographs of elderly people should be noted. Konstadinos Xenos is the author of the photo in which we can see woman's hand with two wedding rings. The photographer said that his grandmother has been wearing two rings for many years, because one of them belongs to her, and the second remains in memory of a person who is no longer around.
Another photograph about undying love over the years belongs to Margherita Vitagliano. The photographer showed how a woman clutches an old wallet to her chest with a wrinkled hand, which contains two tiny portraits (of her and his lover). In those old pictures they are both 20 years old, young and full of hope. This couple managed to carry their feelings throughout their lives, and now, at the end of their days, there remains a joy in their lives - a wonderful herbarium of memories.
Living with love, in a state of love, is life with the perception that the World is beautiful, life in the position of an Angel. Living with love, living in a state of love is quite real, it is completely acceptable in everyday life, good for health, socially welcomed and brings not only joy, but also more significant benefits of life.
OZR:
I have formed the image of behavior of a person who loves, and I know how to behave like a loving person.
If you loved yourself, people, things, things - how would you feel? How would you behave, how would you look, react, treat? How and with the desire for what result would you work at the Distance? Why and for whom would you master the exercises?
I decided who I would love. I made real commitments to those I chose to love.
Video from Yana Happiness: interview with a psychology professor N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be to get married successfully? How many times do men get married? Why normal men few? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A fairy tale that could not have happened better. Payment for the opportunity to be near a beautiful woman.
I want to tell you about how I divided my life into two parts. Then I was 24, I had a three-year-old daughter, there was a guy with whom I had lived for 3 years, but did not love him. He was very good man: he did everything for me, refused me nothing, but I didn’t need such a man. We women like it when we are tortured. By nature he was very calm, quiet, even a little timid, and even smaller than me. One day I honestly told him that I didn’t love him and couldn’t live with him. But you know, we are all selfish, that is, when a person really loves unselfishly, he will say: you know, I love you so much, so I’m letting you go, since you feel bad with me. But in reality: be with me, please don’t leave me, I’ll feel bad. A strong person who can just let you go, but there are few of them. In general, we broke up.
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Then I met my future husband. He was what I always dreamed of: strong, courageous, and even a military man. I was afraid of him, I couldn’t utter a word, my hands were shaking, I blushed at every word, I was a very modest girl. Then I thought that this was very bad and that he would not love me like that. At that time I had tranquilizer pills and before meeting him I took a pill. This made me relaxed, uninhibited, I didn’t blush and could communicate freely. He recognized me just like that, but in my heart I felt differently. This lasted for two months, I was on pills. In my heart I understood that I was playing some kind of double game.
We got married, after 3 months I became pregnant (then I no longer took the pills). But still, some kind of deception remained in my soul, I had a feeling that he perceived me not at all the way I felt inside, but saw in me that person: a liberated, brave other, but not me. I got carried away, I created my second personality.
After giving birth, I began to feel depressed, my husband was a stranger to me, even my son seemed a stranger, I felt deception, lies, games all around. And then I realized what I had done to myself, I learned what depression is: you no longer need anything, everything that interested you, even your husband and children, is scary. I got what I was looking for, but which, as it turned out, I didn’t need.
So I lived, having 2 personalities. When my husband looked at me, I could no longer determine who I really was. I became a stranger to myself, I was scared to look at myself in the mirror, from there a stranger was looking at me.
But my husband turned out to be no gift either. He was jealous, cruel, I could not take a step without his knowledge. The man is very domineering, intractable, difficult. I was helpless, dependent, I couldn’t buy anything for myself without his control and approval. I developed phobias, I was afraid of people, I couldn’t communicate calmly, I was afraid to go out, I was afraid to be alone at home and even to be alone with myself. It's a miracle that I didn't end up in a mental hospital.
We were together for 6 years when I left him. Now, without him, I have also been alone for 6 years with my beloved son. I love him. And my daughter is smart and beautiful, I am proud of my children. I’m still coming to my senses, but I feel like a completely happy person. That man before my husband, he was too good, he could not give me this knowledge that I had to learn to pull myself out of this hole. I now understand that only a person like my husband could help me in my suffering. Because, unfortunately, we learn through suffering, and until we fully feel the weight of our cross, we will not begin to think at all. So we will swim in search of happiness, like blind kittens in the vast ocean of life.
Only now I understand that I needed that experience. website Now I’m completely different, I’ve learned so much about life, I’ve learned to enjoy every blade of grass, to appreciate every moment, to enjoy even the bad, I’ve learned to forgive, to see both the bad and the good in people, I’ve learned the meaning of life, and that’s worth a lot.
And I don't regret anything. This means that life could not force me to start thinking differently. Never regret anything, accept everything in your life - it is too short and too beautiful to waste it on self-torment. Live now, enjoying every second, love life with all your heart and it will answer you in kind. And trust her, she knows what you need.
