10 tips to help you master any small talk
It doesn’t matter whether you’re on a speed date, chatting on social networks, or just chatting in a group, today every person should be able to start an interesting conversation.
But it's not as simple as it seems. What to do if there is nothing in common between you and your interlocutor? What to do if there is an awkward pause? What to do if you inadvertently offended someone? To help you, we looked at the discussion "How to learn to have a casual conversation?" on the Quora forum and selected the most useful tips.
Read our tips and go ahead and charm new acquaintances with your skills.
1. Show interest in your conversation partner
Several Quora users have noted that the best way to keep a conversation going is to show that you're really interested in what the other person is saying. “If you're not interested in the person you're talking to, that's probably the primary reason you have so little to talk about,” writes Kai Peter Chang. Let your interlocutor tell you about himself. “Let your partner talk more than you,” writes Enem Galraiz. “People LOVE talking about themselves.”
Starting an interesting conversation is something everyone should be able to do.
2.Ask questions that require a detailed answer
Instead of questions that can only be answered with “yes” or “no” and which lead to a dead end in the conversation, try to get your interlocutor to tell you more details about his life. “As a rule, open-ended questions take the conversation to the next level, leading to new questions and topics,” says Craig Welland. For example, instead of asking a guest at a party, “Is your family here too?”, it is better to ask, “How did you meet the host of the party?”
3. Let your interlocutor teach you
“If the discussion touches on a subject that you are not familiar with, just admit it, and 9 out of 10 chances that you will be immediately taught to understand it,” writes Michael Wong. This point overlaps with the basic idea that your interlocutor should talk more than you. When you ask another person to explain something to you, it means that they will do the talking for at least a few more minutes.
In the days before going to a social reception, take the time to study the latest news.
4.Read the news
The day before you go to a social gathering, take the time to carefully read the latest news, “including sections you don't particularly care about,” writes Mark Simchok. This way, if the conversation suddenly ends abruptly, you can always easily resume it with phrases like “By the way, have you heard of...?” or “How do you feel about the fact that...?”
5.Share stories from your life
6.Try the SRDD algorithm
In order to conduct a conversation easily and naturally, Robert Adams uses a special algorithm:
Family: Do you have children? Where are you from? How long have you been living here?
R-work: What do you do? How interesting, tell us more! And have you always been an acrobat in the circus?
D-osug: What do you do in your free time? How long have you been a member of the Society of Creative Anachronism? Where did you buy the chain mail or did you make it yourself?
D-engi: What happened to gas prices? What do you think about the new school district bond? What do you think of the new rules for selling alcohol? Has anyone you know lost their job lately?
7.Be honest
“Nothing bad will happen if you just say, “You know, I really can’t stand all this small talk about the weather, how about we talk about something more interesting?” - Derek Scruggs writes. Most likely, such a phrase will make your interlocutor feel relieved. Scruggs advises always having a few "interesting" questions on hand that create intimacy between the participants in the conversation, such as "Is there something you're afraid of?" or “Are you happy with your life?”
Watch talk show hosts and try to adopt their techniques for steering conversations in the right direction.
8.Imitate the masters
Darina KataevaHave you ever had the feeling that a conversation has reached a dead end? Are you uncomfortable in unfamiliar company? It seems that a minute of silence turns into a bottomless abyss between you? Then you should definitely learn the secrets of communicating and maintaining a conversation on any topic! By avoiding common mistakes and applying useful recommendations, you will be interesting to the people around you!
Listen carefully.
Any interlocutor becomes a better person if he listens carefully! It seems that there is nothing complicated or special about it. However, you should reflect on how it is clear that you are a good listener? When we look or speak, this is visible in our appearance, but the way we listen is not reflected at all in our appearance. That is why it is important to listen skillfully and do it in such a way that the interlocutor notices from your look, habits, response words and questions that you are really interested in what he says.
However, it is important to listen for another reason. From the words of your interlocutor you can understand the other person's train of thought. This process is called the free information technique. People give it away completely unconsciously.
- Hello! Cool tan!
— Thank you, I went camping this weekend.
- Wow, I’ve never been on a hike... Where did you go?
As you can see, it’s very simple, but after receiving free information, you can easily change the topic and direct it in the right direction. And although the second topic may exhaust itself, you will always have the opportunity to return to the first question that was raised.
Learn to extract useful information from the words of your interlocutor, and then it will be easier for you to maintain a conversation!
Analyze your interlocutor.
People love to talk about what they personally like. So your job is to find out what the other person would like to talk about. This will allow him to open up and begin to actively discuss a topic that interests him.
To determine what your interlocutor likes, find out:
Where does he work?
What does he think?
What do you know about his family and friends?
How does this person like to relax?
What are his plans for the future?
Considering these important aspects of the interlocutor’s life, you can easily control the course of the conversation, while communication will bring true pleasure to both parties.
Avoid questions with a “Yes or No” answer.
These are direct questions that often elicit a direct answer. However, it would be wise to ask something that would get the person talking. At the same time, so that he speaks out or talks about his own point of view. In some cases, such questions are even worth thinking through if it is difficult for you to communicate with a certain person, but it is necessary.
Don't forget about world events.
If the topics for conversation have exhausted themselves, and you no longer have anything to talk about with your interlocutor, then raise a topic that is interesting to all people. Read or watch the news, follow what is happening around the world, and then your conversation will be exciting and without any embarrassing situations.
Leave the bridges.
It is important to use bridges to maintain a conversation. This technique involves the use of questions arising from the interlocutor’s previous statement. It is good to use the following words: “For example?”, “That is...”, “What do you think?”, “What do you want to say by this?”, “Excuse me?” In this case, the emphasis should be on the last word. It is noteworthy that this technique is most effective when talking with an uncommunicative person who gives short and monosyllabic answers to questions. Agree that the question “What do you want to say?” is difficult to answer in monosyllables!
If you use “bridges” in your speech, then do not forget to pause after them. This way the interlocutor will understand that it is his turn to speak.
Don't forget about body language.
Do you know the study by Albert Maghrabyan? He believed that people perceive only 7% of what we say and 55% of how we say it. This conclusion indicates what a strong influence . Therefore, your task in maintaining a conversation is to monitor your manner and habits. It is important not to cross your arms to avoid appearing withdrawn, arrogant, or arrogant to the other person. Relax! Your whole body should indicate that you feel calm, you are not tense or worried at all! From time to time, you should even nod your head, which indicates your attentiveness and interest in the thoughts of the other.
Be sure to look your interlocutor in the eyes, because this indicates that you are attentive and you are interested in the topic that he is animatedly discussing.
Don't be afraid of pauses.
Pauses in conversation, especially with a new person, are a natural phenomenon. If by chance something goes wrong, don’t worry or be constrained! On the contrary, be confident in yourself and in what you say! This confidence is transferred to other people who will even want to get to know you better.
If there is a misunderstanding or you say something unnecessary, smile and continue the conversation as if nothing had happened. In some cases, stand with your interlocutor if you could offend him with a phrase.
Don't forget the encouraging words.
If your interlocutor tells you something with great enthusiasm, do not forget about words that would stimulate him even more. The following expressions work well: “I understand you,” “Continue,” “Really?” These are linking words that can be used to perfectly support a conversation without making much effort.
Once you get to know your interlocutor well, it will be much easier for you to maintain a conversation. The most important thing is not to think about yourself and your interests, worry about what might impress and please another person!
Top 5 mistakes in conversation
Professional vocabulary.
Think how interesting it is to talk with that person who is always “clever” and uses incomprehensible words! Would you like to continue or maintain the conversation in this case? This behavior is often regarded as bragging, which immediately discourages the conversation from continuing.
Dispute and criticism.
Nobody likes to be criticized! Therefore, you should remember this when conducting a conversation. But what if you don’t agree with something? Take the situation into account and remember that expressing an opinion and insisting on your own are two different things!
Repetitions.
People don't like to hear the same stories over and over again, so you shouldn't say the same thing over and over again. Don't repeat stories that are already familiar to others, because this will only irritate you!
Inappropriate handshakes or hugs.
Remember, not everyone likes to hug people they don't know! If you are open and sociable, then sometimes it is worth restraining yourself from showing this kind of emotion! Only when you get to know a person can you attract the attention of another in this way.
Avoid these mistakes and apply useful tips for maintaining a conversation, and then other people will consider you an excellent conversationalist!
January 24, 2014, 11:13Some people are gifted with communication skills from birth, others constantly work on it, and still others choose silence in a company. Modesty is, of course, good, but not when you have to limit yourself and miss a lot of opportunities to meet interesting people.
Let's learn some rules for maintaining a conversation with new acquaintances.
What can you do in advance?
Try training your speech
There is a saying: “Speak in such a way that words are cramped and thoughts are spacious”. To do this, it is important to learn how to express your thoughts briefly and clearly. Practice with books. Read a medium-sized paragraph of text. Now retell it in one or two sentences, highlighting the most important things.
Read more. A book is one of the best ways to master the richness of a language. Read, memorize or write down your favorite words, phrases, jokes, quotes - all this will decorate your speech.
Train your way of speaking
Imagine that you are the host of a TV show and you need to convey information to the audience. Record yourself on video and evaluate how you look from the outside. Is there an overly wide smile, active gestures, or an intense gaze that catches your eye? It's time to get rid of this. Practice several times, and to see how you do, record each attempt.
Prepare a list of topics and questions
To make it easier for you to communicate, make a list in advance of topics that interest you and in which you are well versed. For example, books, films of a certain genre, actors, work, children, relatives, travel, fishing, computers, and so on.
Prepare a list of questions that you will ask your interlocutor. Questions must be structured in such a way that the interlocutor answers them in detail. For example, “Which wine do you prefer? Why?, “What do you like best here? Why?.
Communicate more, at least virtually
Virtual communication will help you overcome shyness and develop conversational skills. Communicate on forums, on social networks, ask, give advice, tell interesting stories, share your impressions, write reviews. However, it is important not to get carried away with virtual communication. In our case, it serves only as an exercise.
What you should and can do during a conversation
Start the conversation with neutral topics
To attract the attention of your interlocutor, smile at him. Next, you need to start the conversation with something neutral. Talk about events in the world, the weather, new movies. Also don't forget the principle: “What I see, I sing”. Think about the place you are in now, about what you see in front of you, or what you are reading now.
Don’t be afraid to make a mistake with the topic of conversation; experience shows that interlocutors are not so critical of primary topics. As you communicate further, you will definitely find common ground.
Ask your interlocutor questions, ask for his opinion
Encourage your interlocutor to give detailed answers and clarify. Ask questions without jokes, sarcasm, and do not boast about your own successes. Avoid a mocking or dismissive tone.
Ask only positive things.
Men love to talk about hobbies, sports, politics, history, and success at work. Women are more willing to talk about children, pets, fashion, cosmetics, events, as well as their feelings for something or someone.
And don't delve into complex topics. For example, if a person mentioned some misfortune in a conversation, there is no need to ask for details. If the interlocutor wants, he will tell you everything himself.
Try active listening
Do not remain silent in response to what they tell you, react immediately. Nod, support with phrases: "Exactly", "That's right", "Understand", “I had a similar experience”, ask clarifying questions: “How was it?”, “And what did you answer?”, and so on. This will help the interlocutor gain trust and sympathy for you.
If you do not agree with the opinion of your interlocutor, do not interrupt, but listen to him to the end. You might change your mind after a few minutes. Express your point of view only when the other person has finished.
How to keep a conversation with new acquaintances
If the other person interrupts you, stop and listen. Don't blame him for interrupting you. This can be done later, when you have established friendly informal relationships.
Speak clearly
Don’t swallow your words, don’t mutter under your breath, or stare at the screen of your smartphone or tablet during a conversation. If you are very worried, honestly tell your interlocutor about it, and the excitement will gradually subside.
Do not use words that only you understand in conversation..
This especially applies to situations when, for example, you are telling something about your specific work. Most likely, only your colleagues or guests of some specialized conference will be able to support such a conversation. New acquaintances working in other areas will not find such a conversation interesting or pleasant.
And also do not abuse foreign words and scientific terms - the interlocutor may regard your behavior as bragging if he himself does not speak a foreign language.
Typical communication mistakes
Don't argue and criticize violently
If you disagree with something, state it briefly and move the conversation to another topic. If you become friends, you will have time to argue and find the truth. Never criticize, otherwise your interlocutor will associate you with a dissatisfied and negative person.
How to keep a conversation with new acquaintances
Don't gossip or speak unflatteringly about other people
Not every person who finds himself in an unfamiliar or even familiar company can easily carry on a conversation and transfer it to any topic. These skills not only raise self-esteem, but also allow you to make and maintain useful contacts, find new good friends, and achieve success in the business sphere. And if you think that the ability to carry on a conversation is either given from birth or not given at all, then you are deeply mistaken. Of course, someone really, almost from the cradle, is able to strike up a relaxed and interesting conversation with almost any person. But if you are not given this skill, you can master it! Let's figure out how to learn to communicate correctly.
If you're a shy person, starting a conversation on your own can seem like quite a daunting task. The only way to overcome the internal barrier is regular practice. Of course, this does not mean that you should now try to talk to any person who appears in your field of vision. If the interlocutor clearly does not make contact, there is no need to try to continue the conversation by any means. But if you see that a person is willing to communicate, then you should not miss this opportunity.
How to learn to maintain a conversation?
So, how can you learn to carry on a conversation? Before you can carry on a conversation, you need to start it. Doing this is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance.
The best way to start a conversation is with a question. But you also need to be able to choose it: it must be open. That is, assume a detailed answer, and not just “yes” or “no.”
There are topics that can serve as excellent conversation starters:
- directly your potential interlocutor
- the situation you both find yourself in
If you decide to focus on the personality of your interlocutor, then you can come up with many reasons to start communicating. This could be his appearance, hobby, profession. For example, if you don’t know how to carry on a conversation with a girl, then a good option is to notice an interesting detail in her appearance and ask a question about it. Let's say: “What a beautiful handbag, can I take a closer look at the appliqué on it?” Or “What unusual color is your dress, what is the name of this shade?”
Another option to “catch on” to the personality of your interlocutor is to talk about his profession. For example, you know that he is a doctor. One might ask why he chose this particular profession. Or what funny things happened to him at work.
Once you begin to practice starting a conversation, you will later be able to figure out what questions you can ask about the personality of your interlocutor.
As for the situation, there is even more room for imagination. Because situations are different. And the fact that you are currently in the same place (perhaps doing the same thing) to some extent unites you. This technique will be especially useful for women who are wondering how to maintain a conversation with a man. For example, if you are at an art exhibition and see a person admiring a certain painting, you can ask him why he was interested in this particular piece. Or what, in his opinion, the author of this painting wanted to express?
Or you can ask for help. Let's say in a store you see someone choosing rare vegetables. You can ask how he uses them in cooking, otherwise you have been looking at them for a long time, but don’t know what to do with them.
In line for movie tickets, you can ask someone why he was interested in this film, why he decided to go see it?
In this case, the principle of inventing questions is also clear. You can turn any situation to your advantage. The question can be either serious or humorous.
So, you know how to start a conversation. But you also need to learn how to support it. How to communicate correctly? Unfortunately, some people, having successfully asked a question and received an answer, do not know what to do with this answer. You need to be able to highlight the so-called “key words”. For example, you asked a person if he likes autumn. He replies that not during rainstorms, because it’s bad to go jogging in such weather. From his words it is clear that he is jogging. It is necessary to “cling on” to this topic. You can ask how long he has been running, what time of day he likes to do it, and whether he is interested in other sports.
Or, say, to the question “Do you like shopping?” the woman replied that she only enjoys visiting those retail outlets where they sell everything needed for needlework. So she does needlework. You can ask what kind, for how long, why this particular type, etc.
During the conversation, your common interests with the interlocutor will probably come to light. And in this case, maintaining a conversation will be especially easy and interesting, because both of you will be “on topic” of the discussion.
In order not to get lost in the communication process, you can practice your speech in advance. And not only oral, but also written. In the first case, reading aloud will help you. In the second - blogging, communication on forums, in chats. All this will allow you to become freer, learn to understand your interlocutor, and find the right words.
And don’t forget that you need to be able not only to speak, but also to listen. Who likes being interrupted mid-sentence?
What should you not do?
What should you not do when communicating with people? There is an opinion that you can also start a conversation using personal information. That is, to talk directly about you. But this method may fail. After all, it’s no secret that most people prefer to talk about themselves rather than about someone else. Therefore, if you are not asked questions directly related to your personality, you should not lay out all your ins and outs and, especially, share some of your secrets. Also, do not vehemently criticize the opinion of your interlocutor. After all, your goal is to leave a pleasant impression of yourself, and not the other way around? In the end, everyone has the right to their own point of view.
